Surrendering vs. Putting Up With Crap | 30 Day Video Challenge 23/30

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by Melody Fletcher on May 23, 2017

 

We often talk about surrendering to what is, or making peace with where you are. This is a crucial piece to raising your vibration. After all, if you keep pushing against your current reality, you can’t ever manifest something else. But… what’s the difference between this type of surrender and just putting up with a bunch of crap you don’t like? On the one hand, I tell you to make peace with your situation, and on the other I tell you not to be afraid to walk away. Which is it?

Don’t worry. There’s an easy way to tell those two concepts apart. Watch today’s video to find out what it is.

 

 

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber May 23, 2017 at 21:24

Thanks this is right on time. I asked a question to my guides to understand some past manifestations more clearly and got the question, “what is your tendency to settle”? I knew to pay attention today for more clarification and there you were! Such a clear clear explaination!

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Rose May 23, 2017 at 21:26

Wow Melody, superb video!!! My husband watched this too with me and we both couldn’t stop laughing about the shit SW analogy. HAHAHA. THANK YOU for your smile and for this video. XOXO

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Carla Hamilton May 23, 2017 at 21:26

Very clear, thank you. It was a short video, but very powerful.

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Nupur May 23, 2017 at 21:34

You are so damn clear in your concepts.. :)
Thank you for bringing your light to the world melody..
Happy shiny puppy hugs to you too.. :)

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Merwin May 23, 2017 at 22:19

This video was right on time for me. “Today’s manifestation is yestersay’s vibration”. That really spoke to me (I’ll tweet that). I just quit my job of one and a half years because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt elated to turn in the resignation papers, and felt so much excitement in the moment. But recently I’ve noticed the fears popping up, and it’s been interesting noticing and clearing them. I feel like I’m truly stepping into a new reality and going along with MY process of ascension. Thank you for your clarification on this topic.

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Cordy May 23, 2017 at 23:46

This is so good!

Can I get a take from the community on how this operates in really practical terms?

Say that you’re literally in a restaurant. Before you even order, you think “I don’t like this restaurant. I’m not going to have a great time here.” You aren’t feeling horrible about it, you don’t feel afraid or anything, maybe it’s more like the music is too loud or the AC is turned up to TUNDRA, but it’s settling to eat there. But you’re on a road trip and the next restaurant is an hour away, and you’re hungry.

So in a situation like that, where accepting where you are feels like settling, but you can’t see an immediate better solution, would you just acknowledge “Well, this is yesterday’s vibration. I’m going to make the best of it now and try to raise my vibration for the next time”? That makes intuitive sense to me, that if you’re going to settle, settle intentionally… but now I’m wondering if I’m missing a piece here. It doesn’t always feel good to wait for something better, even as accepting where I am does feel like settling.

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Edelweiss May 24, 2017 at 10:06

Great minds, Cordy. This is my question too, and so well put. Thank you. I would also love some more practical examples. Talking about a shit sandwich is vivid and helpful in that sense, but most situations in life are not as clear-cut or as immediate.

Of course I can make a simple choice to not eat the sandwich, but what if it is something with much bigger stakes and a much longer time-frame. Changing careers totally, particularly if you don’t yet know what you want, but are unhappy where you are. Or moving to a different place. Or whatever. The ‘surrender to what has happened’ phase could be quite long and sometimes we think we are OK because things are not so bad that we are literally eating shit, so we fool ourselves into staying and surrendering to what is when we should actually be getting out, often because we are afraid and not letting ourselves see the fear. Sometimes we are very aware of the fear, but sometimes it hides inside rational thoughts or ‘the time isn’t right’ or ‘I need to do more preparation’ or other little lies we tell ourselves.

If shit always showed up as shit it would be so much easier to avoid!

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Deb May 24, 2017 at 13:10

Awesome question, I wonder as well. I think it comes down to intuition and choosing that which has a greater return (in the short or long run depending on the situation).

Settling intentionally is not exactly settling, I wouldn’t think. In my opinion, actually settling would be sort of accepting something because that’s what you believe you deserve (and thus are a vibrational match). When you intentionally ‘settle’ you’re in the driver’s seat, you know what you want but accept that one of those ‘wants’ (hunger) is greater than the others at the moment. And so, you choose to surrender and create from the situation that which gives the greatest return given the current parameters. The AC is on tundra? Eat outside on a bench, or in your car, or bring something to wear inside, etc. Music is too loud? Again, eat in your car or on a bench, or heck… eat inside and you’ll have something humorous to think about afterwards (it was like a concert in there). Be open to alternative solutions. I think when you INTENTIONALLY do something, you will automatically be more creative and open to possibilities, and you will make the best of the shit sandwich… maybe it will become a piss sandwich.

I was in the car the other day with someone I’m not a match to anymore, and I actually had a bit of fun with it, because I knew 1) it wouldn’t last long, 2) that’s just who/how they are, 3) it doesn’t define me and 4) although I was actually in the passenger seat, I felt like the driver! Because they were complaining the whole ride and I actually found what they were complaining about to be funny, since to me those things aren’t a big deal.

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Cordy May 26, 2017 at 14:56

@Deb – that’s a really useful point for me, that one of your “wants” might be bigger than one of the other ones. So that overall, yeah, it’s “settling”, it’s not your ideal, but maybe you’re intentionally choosing to put up with something you don’t like (AC too cold, music too loud) to get another want/need met (hungry now).

I’ve realized that I carry weird guilt about not being perfect at LOA stuff. Like it’s wrong to eat at the imperfect restaurant if that’s the best thing you can see at the moment, I should be able to manifest my perfect and best restaurant experience of all time next door. (???)

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Melody Fletcher May 24, 2017 at 16:56

Perfect Cordy. You accept what has manifested, and allow yourself to focus in a way that raises your vibration. This is beyond “making the best of it”. It’s choosing to find those aspects you can feel good about and deliberately letting everything else go.

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Cordy May 26, 2017 at 14:57

Thank you!

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Sarah May 24, 2017 at 02:10

Thanks Melody! So what I’m getting from this is that surrendering to what is, is not ‘oh I have to change my perspective on how this experience makes me feel’ in an ONGOING way. As in ‘this is just what this person is like, I have to find a way to accept it’. Its more about accepting that something has happened and accepting the fact that I didn’t like it, and then making a different choice next time it happens. And if I’m not able to make a different choice next time, for whatever reason, to accept that and to make a different choice next time it happens. So it’s never about looking to the future, taking a deep breath and saying, I’m going to try to accept this for the rest of my life.

Woah. That is a big shift in perspective for me!! I had it all wrong! It’s so much easier to accept something that’s happened than it is to accept an ongoing situation that fills me with dread!

BUT then it comes down to taking responsibility for my boundaries. That old chestnut! :)

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Sarah May 24, 2017 at 02:39

So would a better mantra be “accept what was”?! Even if what was happened just a second ago. And then recognise that you have a choice on how to respond to that.

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Melody Fletcher May 24, 2017 at 16:58

Congrats Sarah, you’ve got it!!! Yay!

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Viv May 24, 2017 at 04:26

Thank you Melody for your videos so far!
You have made things super clear(er) and I felt the message getting through and you gave me food for thought. I can’t really choose a favourite because they all have great messages/information.
I would like to ask about one thing if I may? I am super curious about synchronicity. I know that it is part of the manifesting processes and I would just like to sharpen up what synchronicity is, how do you know that it is a precursor to your goals?
Thank you again for bringing light into my world!
-Viv

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Melody Fletcher May 24, 2017 at 17:00

It’s a precursor to what’s manifesting. Not necessarily your goals. If you’re aligned with your goals, then they manifest…
But if something happens that FEELS like what you want, trust it. Don’t poop all over it by listing all the reasons it’s not valid. Validate it as much as you can. Choose to do that. Yeah, ok, maybe I’ll make a video, lol.

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Viv May 24, 2017 at 19:29

Thank you??????

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Viv May 24, 2017 at 19:31

Sorry those question marks were a heart and a couple of happy face emojis!
Am grateful for reply:) ;)

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Isabel Martins May 24, 2017 at 04:52

This is something that I find I need to go deep into when talking about redirecting our focus from negativity to what we want. There’s a fine line between surrendering and tolerating, and there’s also a fine line between pivoting to something wanted and bypassing what is happening. It’s a dance, and one that takes *a bit* of practice to know where you’re at and if your movement is flowing in the direction of higher awareness! :)
Isabel Martins invites you to read..MONEY AS APPRECIATION… YES IT IS!My Profile

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Sandie May 24, 2017 at 08:59

Hi Melody,

I am so enjoying your videos and they are a tremendous help to me! I have a question as to how to best ha doe my current situation. I am an American married to an Englishman and living in the U.K. I have been in my current job 5 & 1/2 years now and have pretty much been bullied the entire time by 2 different people. (They are good friends- surprise!), and I have come to realise that I was,handed a shit sand which a couple weeks ago- in the form of a verbal ‘bollocking’ as the English say! When I look back over my life it seems I’ve been bullied a fair bit by people I work with. I believe in the LOA and the vibration of drawing things to you and I can see where I’ve drawn or allowed this current shit sand which to,land on my plate. What is the best way to end it, to handle the situation when I return to,work so that it is done once and for all?

I don’t think I have dwelled on being bullied at times when it began, however once it happens I’ve probably kept it going. I just want to move on, and be done with it! It has not been dealt with by my Supervisor at work, in fact excuses keep,being made for the bully- she’s going through a rough time, duh!!!! How do I hand the shit sandwhich back for good and get this out of my vibration? Thanks

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Melody Fletcher May 24, 2017 at 17:09

Hello my darling. I made a video about this: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2015/10/30/how-to-feel-powerful-when-you-dont/

Might make another one, as this one didn’t readily come up when I searched for bullying. So it might be time for an update. :)

Smooshy hugs,

Melody

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Z May 25, 2017 at 01:06

Hi Melody, if you do an update on constructive anger releasing, I would appreciate it if you would tell us what to do when the anger won’t flow. Like, finally I am in a safe environment, alone, but now suddenly I can’t get the rage to flow, and I end up not having an anger release. Constructive anger release is USELESS if we can’t trigger it when we are finally in a safe environment. This is a big piece of puzzle missing.

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V May 24, 2017 at 11:47

Hey Melody …this is soo spot on ..I can relate to this post with my current situation at work…I have been wanting to reduce my hours for a while now…the job sucks me dry and I do not like it, to put it in a polite way…As I was going over my well studied part time request in a email yesterday I just realised this is not going to fix anything…while it would definitely be nicer to work less hours in that office, what I really want is to be OUT OF THERE …part of me still wants to keep a steady income by putting up with the job in smaller doses …because I think this way I will be able to concentrate more on the things I really like doing in the free time I get while still earning, and maybe look around , maybe jobhunt again, blabla…only I really do not know if have got the energy to put the free time at any efficent use as things are right now, not to mention the lack of enthusiasm , really not having exciting dreams about it..The truth is I want more and I need a break.. I have been jaggling with too many balls to make it work and they all going to hit me hard at some point. I am scared but I am craving new beginnings and I want things to be different, like easier and compromise less, if not at all. I want to take care of myself. I still feel so damn afraid of loosing some of my current reality if I really give the job and all ..maybe I will end up leaving the country too..part of me feels like a failure for giving it all up. Even worse I feel I am holding on to people and situations that are really not that significant or meaningful ..they just are in my head ! ..I guess I do not trust I can have any better..I thought I was good at letting go, but really when I am that easygoing I am just numbing myself and settling. Boys do I try to control things!. I am surrendering here, loud and proud: I feel bored and crap. I feel impatient to have big things..I do not know how and I still have trust issues with the universe, receiving, relaxing..but I think I will go with my guts anyway xx

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Deb May 24, 2017 at 12:53

Yes, so true. It’s essentially emotional detachment from what happened. When we push against it or think that putting up with it will eventually make it better, we’re just going to receive more shit sandwiches.

I went through something like this last week. I was at a birthday party and a relative was just being an absolute asshole to everyone (me included) that day. I told myself to just remain positive and not let his comments get to me. This is PUSHING AGAINST it because truth be told, I felt like S.H.I.T the more I was around that person and didn’t SAY anything to them (which, if it didn’t work, I would’ve then distanced myself or removed myself from the situation entirely, neither of which go against ‘surrendering’).

It’s like trying to make a crappy relationship work when the other party has a ton of problems and healing to do within themselves. We have to walk away if it’s unhealthy.

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Z May 24, 2017 at 13:43

Melody, will you do a video speaking in German? :D
Or at least a part of the video.

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