How to Not Care What Other People Think (or… Why I Curse) | 30 Day Video Challenge 11 of 30

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by Melody Fletcher on May 11, 2017

 

Oh, ok. I’m finally going to address it: Why do I choose to curse in my videos, on my blog and even in my book? I’ve received some criticism of this over the years, but it hasn’t stopped me. Why not? How dare I not cater to every single one of the masses! Sheesh. It’s almost like other people’s opinions don’t have any sway over me…

Well, they don’t. And if you want to find out what the mindset of someone who is truly free of other people’s opinions and is no longer held back by them looks like, watch today’s video below.

 

 

{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com May 11, 2017 at 17:37

Good for you Melody. I think one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is “not give a rip what anyone things of you.” That’s why one of my more popular posts is, “What you think of me is none of my business.” Let us all listen to our inner guidance and come from there–and the people who are ready and able to hear it will be there and the others will just fall away. Keep up the good work! ~Kathy
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com invites you to read..What Did You Make Up Your Mind About Today?My Profile

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Shan Phoenix May 11, 2017 at 17:43

Great post.

Swear words are just words. I don’t get the issue with it. Offence is decision and caused by the limiting beliefs of the ‘judger’.

I would love you to extend this into judgement and imposed opinion and how to handle it.

For example, if someone hears about something you have done or are going to do, and disagrees, and goes further into judging you, how do you stay out of the energy battle, even though they have it wrong and you may feel compelled to explain, but you don’t feel like you should.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks for your posts and your insight!

Shan x

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Mary May 12, 2017 at 09:18

Was thinking the same thing. How is a swear word worse than saying, ‘you are a loser’.?
Also agree w/Melody – they are so effective in getting the meaning across. If someone is avoiding a swear word and using a lot of other words to get the same meaning, I loose track of what they were saying in the first place.

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Catherine May 11, 2017 at 17:48

I fucking love this!

I grew up not being allowed to swear because “it’s unladylike” and at 30, I still get told off by my family if I do it. So years of conditioning have made me think twice about swearing in front of certain others. I don’t generally swear like a sailor but love a good ‘guck! ‘ to help drive my point home sometimes.
I was on a first date a while ago and I was telling a story and used the word ‘fuck’ expressively. As soon as I said it I kind of paused and just sheepishly smiled and then continued my story hoping he didn’t hear how ‘unladylike’ I was. He then stopped me and said, “it’s okay if you swear”. The date didnt go anywhere but just nice to know I wasn’t as unladylike as I’d been told!!

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CJ May 11, 2017 at 18:05

For me it comes down to authenticity. If you’re really feeling a lot of anger or frustration it’s normal and healthy to swear, and it doesn’t bother me in the least. But then again, if you’re swearing a lot, doesn’t that mean you’re chronically angry and/or frustrated? If so, then dive into those feelings and see what needs changing.

Sometimes people who swear a lot aren’t chronically angry, but instead they have learned to use swearing as a way of appearing irreverent/cool. They want to convince themselves that they aren’t fussed about others opinions. It’s the reason teenagers swear a lot. It’s a coping mechanism, but ultimately it’s a crutch that needs to be thrown away.

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Lorna Levy May 12, 2017 at 15:15

If you are “swearing a lot,” it doesn’t have to mean either that you are “feeling anger and frustration” or that you are attempting to “appear irreverent/cool.” It might be 1. for emphasis, and as Melody says, sometimes it’s the appropriate word, or 2. because it can be funny in the moment. It’s just another word, after all. And if it really “comes down to authenticity,” then it is not “a crutch that needs to be thrown away,” but a way of self-expression that needs to be embraced! There is a lot of judgment and condemnation in your words under the guise of “doesn’t bother me a bit.” Take a look.

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deb May 11, 2017 at 18:06

LMFAO!!!!!
I Love swearing :)
It’s so freeing!

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Connie May 13, 2017 at 09:54

I know, Right!!

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Darice Cairns May 11, 2017 at 18:11

Hi Melody,

I love that you are so open and raw and if that means you swear, of well so what! You are right, you have to be authentic, especially in the work you do. We need more authenticity in the world. I’ve never had issue with your swearing, or I should really say, I’ve never had a problem with who you really are and how you express yourself. Keep rockin’ it!

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Solace May 11, 2017 at 19:46

Hi Melody,
I had to pause the video halfway just to say this. I know where you are coming from as i did come across some adverse response to your video a few blog posts before. But even in my over eager beaver mode, i didn’t have the guts to respond to the same..my mind started bleeping blackhole..bail..bail..so i ignored…thought you did too.
I have never in my last three years of following this blog come across an instance where you swore out of turn..when you do use those words..they sound cathartic to me :)
You are one of the few LOA teachers who advises people to leave an abusive situation rather than working on your vibe..what i mean to say is that sometimes a go to hell attitude in our words/action is essential for our self-preservation and well being.
Have a great 19 days ahead..i won’t be posting again as i need to learn and stabilize more..just want to say that i am so thankful that you chose to share this journey with us.

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Merwin May 11, 2017 at 19:56

Honestly the relaxed, unedited way you talk was one thing that made me feel like you are the teacher for me in this moment. Since reading your book and releasing a lot of resistance over the years, I realize I don’t get offended as easily as I used to in the past. And language is the least of my concerns. I curse when I’m trying to get a point across or in some great emotion. It’s just natural for me. And I do believe we need to give ourselves permission to be who we are, and then we’ll attract those who resonate with us.

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Cordy May 11, 2017 at 23:43

Love this comment. It feels really good to read. :)

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Rose May 11, 2017 at 20:02

Melody, you are wonderrrrffullll!! Plus, you have such a nice nose. Your videos keep me going! I don’t want the 30 days to end. But maybe after that, you will surprise us with something else maybe? About cursing, for some reason, although f@%k is such a versatile and remarkable word, it just doesn’t sound too good when some people use it. To me, it sounds great on blog posts and books when the author is trying to make a point etc but it’s so uncool and unprofessional in shared office spaces and more so when the person doesn’t respect others and is incompetent.

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Rose May 11, 2017 at 20:04

Sorry, I meant…and more so when the person using it (the word f@%k) doesn’t respect others and is incompetent.

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Kimber May 11, 2017 at 20:13

I love that you chose to speak specifically about cursing. I am a magazine editor and an author and I lovvvve to curse, and I love defying the snooty stereotype that only unintelligent people swear. Furthermore, my argument has always been, WHO SAID that was a BAD word? Seriously, some dude up in a tower somewhere one hundred years ago decided to wield power over people’s minds by controlling their speech? Anyway. I loved the shit out of this video, fuckin A.

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Amy May 11, 2017 at 20:35

Melody, hi. How are you? Very interesting video about being authentic. I know what you mean; some teachers have great content but the energy is just not there. I think it’s in the voice. Anyway I was wondering this whole authentic thing with what we’ve talked about before in previous posts. By the same token can’t I say I’m going to ask people how old they are because that’s my authentic self? Should I be trying to change my belief about needing to know ages? Because I honestly don’t see a problem with simply lining up with people who are willing to tell me how old they are and working on that vibration that feels good to me. What do you think?

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Melody Fletcher May 12, 2017 at 15:40

Yes, line up with people who will happily play with you, and tell you their age. And if someone has an issue with it, then let them go. They’re just not wanting to play that way. :)

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Mara May 11, 2017 at 22:04

My aha moment…..I FUCKING LOVE YOU! And that is what I think about cursing ????

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Amy May 12, 2017 at 16:45

Melody thanks for responding. I know you told me before that it’s a fear based belief and all that but I have manifested people willing to play. People who’ve told me all on their own without pushing the issue at all. I guess it’s okay to feel good when something good happens like someone tells me their age but not feel bad if they don’t. It’s that second piece I have to work on. Thanks Melody!

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Lee May 11, 2017 at 22:38

Melody thanks for the Authenticity you brought today .

I must fucking give myself permission rather than to miss a great opportunity .

Thanks , Lee

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Cordy May 11, 2017 at 22:45

Cursing is so funny to me. I have a child, and trying to explain why “shit” is offensive but “poop” is not to a very curious, skeptical, tapped-in kid who is still in touch with their inner guidance has, multiple times, made me chortle like a maniac and feel like I was in an altered state.

Do you guys ever have the thing where if you take a step back, cultural taboos seem almost uproariously funny and ridiculous? It’s cool if it’s just me, I’ll just be over here laughing to myself.

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CJ May 11, 2017 at 23:16

Hi Cordy,

I think we attach a negative charge to swear/curse words, which is why they can offend. If someone says ‘shit’ it might offend us if we are feeling great about life. But if we feel angry or disillusioned with life, we can relate to someone swearing because there’s a common feeling being expressed. It gives us permission to own our anger.

People can say “yeh cursing is fine!” and then you say ‘cunt’ and it’s like the sun has dropped out of the sky. So yeh, there’s a lot of unwritten rules in society, and they relate to the most heavily shamed aspects of our nature.

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Cordy May 11, 2017 at 23:28

Well… yeah. Obviously I understand that there are a lot of unwritten rules. That’s what’s so funny. Words are just attempts to capture vibrational content. Sometimes the word and the vibration of the person using it line up, at other times they don’t. I don’t agree that all cursing is about being angry. It totally depends on the person and the situation.

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CJ May 11, 2017 at 23:31

What else could it be about, other than anger or frustration?

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Cordy May 11, 2017 at 23:42

Really? We must have really different experiences. I don’t believe or experience that people who are swearing only do it because of anger or frustration. Sometimes people use the strings of sounds our culture has designated as [this is a curse word] because they’re mad or frustrated. Sometimes people use those those same sounds to express surprise or amazement, sometimes it’s for rhythm or emphasis.

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CJ May 12, 2017 at 00:01

Really. Someone who swears when surprised is expressing anger. Someone who swears when amazed or impressed is probably expressing a subconscious frustrated desire, since when used in this context, the expression usually involves ‘fuck’ or ‘Jesus’ rather than ‘shit’ or something to do with the genitals. You don’t observe an amazing golf shot and say “cock”, for example.

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CJ May 12, 2017 at 00:15

Correction, that should read: “you don’t observe a great gold shot and say ‘asshole’”. The word used has to be linked with something desirable that you have frustration around.

The people who say ‘Jesus’ as a swear word are probably those who failed at Catholicism! And those who say ‘fuck’ the most are those who aren’t getting any. There’s always a link to subconscious anger and frustration.

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Cordy May 12, 2017 at 00:18

Those are your opinions, for sure!

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Edelweiss May 12, 2017 at 07:43

Love this, Cordy!

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Melody Fletcher May 12, 2017 at 15:38

It’s not just you, Cordy. I love to play this game where I question a taboo – why is this not acceptable, and watch people trying to come up with an explanation. Until the light comes on and they realize there isn’t one. We’ve just accepted it as taboo! LOL.

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CJ May 11, 2017 at 23:29

It probably depends how you say it too. Even ‘shit’ can be very offensive if there’s a lot of bitterness and hatred in it. I do this all the time, unfortunately. Later on I remind myself to deal with my issues. I can rant like the best of them.

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Z May 12, 2017 at 00:23

You are the only LOA teacher so far that I’ve found, that has this awesome humor. I loved it from beginning. It certainly makes the blog posts (and videos) less serious, and there is just positive energy in it. I do understand why people can be bothered by it, because I used to be bothered by a lot of things. However mindfulness and non-identification with dislikes has done a lot for me. Many things that used to bother me just don’t anymore. And there are some things that I didn’t like (like the sound of certain foreign languages), that now I adore! It’s amazing seeing that resistance dissolve. :D

I love these videos, keep on! :D

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karin van baelen May 12, 2017 at 00:48

Hello Melody,

I love your no-nonsens language :) !!
I love it that you dare do that and that you don’t give a rip of the opinion of others!
You are a great example for me to dare to do that in my life !
Love, Karin

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Susanne May 12, 2017 at 01:52

Dear Melody,
I love this! I curse, not a lot, but once in a while when I feel like it. However, I have had some energy to shift concerning how to deal with cursing in relation to my kids. Out of cultural reasons I have not been wanting them to curse. However, it is very difficult to set up rules for kids when you your self have no intention following them….So a couple of weeks ago when I had been informed twice that my son (8 years old) had to mind his language at school, I realized that I had to be completely honest and I told him “some people get offended by cursing and that is why there are rules in certain public places like school, where cursing is not allowed. At home, in your room, you can curse all you want” And he totally accepted that. Your video just confirmed to me that I finally have found a way to relate to the issue with kids and swearing in a way that I am at ease and comfortable with. Thank you <3

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Lori May 12, 2017 at 01:58

Really Mel? You have such a potty mouth! WTF????
LOL! People must have very boring lives if this is such s big concern…. especially
in this day and age.
Sometimes nothing says it like WTF or ” Shit!”
Its nice to have a REAL person lending us a
guiding hand as we travel our path!
HUGS

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MJ May 12, 2017 at 04:46

Thank you again for your relevant message. I have been compromising who I am to feel safe in my life. I’m aware of it but I have got into the habit of being the way I feel they need me to be, to survive. You have reminded me of one of the best compliments I ever had in my old job, you are a ‘ human nurse ‘. That really did get to me. When I swear it usually is passion about something or just sensing that that other person needs me to do that to relax themselves. Then I’m being more me anyway. Funny story, I had a small but painful procedure on my wrist whilst still in my uniform and a swore out loud, it hurt. The matron in charge told me off because there where patients about!!! I thought what the fuck am I right now !!!!!

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Ann May 13, 2017 at 15:32

Too fucking funny MJ lol!

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MJ May 13, 2017 at 15:42

I’m glad that tickled your fancy! I’m brand new to this sort of thing and you are my first reply ever. Thank you. Where are you in the world? Curious

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Ann May 13, 2017 at 16:07

The prairies in Canada and I know a few nurses up here who speak a more flavorful tongue haha. In your profession I can’t imagine surviving a day without a few swear words :)

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MJ May 13, 2017 at 16:11

I bet you do! Lovely to connect with Canada. Night night from this little England!

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Alexandra May 12, 2017 at 05:24

Can we be the “HAPPY FUCKING SHINY PUPPIES” from now on?! ????????????

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Summer May 12, 2017 at 05:35

In today’s world of people who are “offended” by everything, it’s nice…….wait no…..fucking nice to see someone say “Hey no one is forcing you to be here”. There is nothing wrong with taking offense. Hell there are things that offend me, but I either move the fuck on or I take a look and try to find out why it bothered me. This video was right up my fucking alley! I think cursing is fun and sometimes there is no better word to express something than FUCK!!! :)
And I wouldn’t say “hell” in front of my mom, so yes, it’s a curse word. Well to me and her it is anyway. Lol!

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Sarah May 12, 2017 at 06:02

Fuck yeah! Melody, you’re awesome. I am love love loving your videos, they are the highlight of my day. I don’t have a problem with your kind of swearing in the slightest – you swear how I swear and I don’t even really register it when you’re talking. However, having just left a sometimes verbally abusive relationship, I can tell you I hate swearing when it’s intended to hurt me – it’s hurts more than other words then.

A memory came up for me too – so I’ve been following your blog since 2012 I think. When you first started doing videos, I couldn’t watch them – I had to read the transcripts instead because I experienced your happy shiny energy as annoying (sorry! I felt the same way about Abraham as well. I wasn’t quite ready I think). I can’t remember when the shift in me happened, but it was a long time ago now and ive been loving your happy shiny energy since then. I’m thinking maybe it’s the same for some people who don’t like the swearing. There is something offputting about authentic people to inauthentic people.

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Judy May 12, 2017 at 06:28

Thank you! Excellent post.

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Edelweiss May 12, 2017 at 07:42

Great video! I love how there are hierarchies of swearwords. It is perfectly OK for some people if you say ‘shit’, but ‘bitch’ will get them or ‘fuck’ might be OK, but don’t use a word that is deemed more unacceptable. I got into trouble the other day for using the word ‘bell-end’ because that is apparently very, very bad. I didn’t really think it was, but now I know not to use it in this particular community.

My grandmother was Dutch and she swore like a sailor. It was hilarious having this little old lady with her blue-rinse hair swearing. So I really haven’t had an issue with it. And the Dutch have the best swearwords!

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Melody Fletcher May 12, 2017 at 15:30

I think bell-end might be my new favorite word. That’s hilarious.

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Edelweiss May 15, 2017 at 04:19
Isabel Martins May 12, 2017 at 08:51

I think your cursing is delivered on point, in time and packs power, happy and shiny power, in it too! I usually end up laughing out loud and it just lifts up my mood, so, THANK YOU! By the way, your blog post images do the same! I’ve saved a few of them to enjoy when I want to go for a good laugh! ;) Fuck Yeah! LOL!
Isabel Martins invites you to read..YOUR HEALTH AND “I AM”My Profile

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Jon May 12, 2017 at 08:59

Swearing is part of the music and the poetry of language. It’s creative, expressive and nothing to get uptight about. If people don’t like it, well, fuck ‘em!

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Mary May 12, 2017 at 09:21

I’m one of the ‘shy ones’ that doesn’t post much, more of a ‘lurker’.
I also am one of your puppy army cause I got goose bumps when you were talking about it.

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Monique May 12, 2017 at 10:18

Shit Melody!! I think you fucking rock!! And I totally agree about it just being what we need sometimes to convey how we really feel. You are a wonderful inspiration and I so wish that someday I could find the courage to do what you do, but for now I’m still a super big scaredy cat who values everyone else more than myself and is completely unable to do anything that might actually please me.

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Bobbi May 12, 2017 at 11:47

I’m almost 61 and a professional in a somewhat conservative career field. Most people (at least initially) think that I’m very conservative because of the way I dress and how I carry myself. So it’s fun to let loose with an expletive every so often, cause folks are shocked. :)

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Amber May 12, 2017 at 12:22

I just realized that even in all my growth of caring less about what people thought, there were still parts of me that still gave a fuck. Thanks for this video because I just dropped all fucks. I choose to be me unapologetically! I’m going to be my woo woo 5d, out of this world self lol oh yeaaaa!!!!! Thanks melody for bringing your light and helping us to see our own!

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Aurore May 12, 2017 at 15:59

I feel sad for those offended by such a funny,
shiny, happy, shining light as you, Melody – as they are so missing out on all your fantastic wisdom :) .

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April May 12, 2017 at 19:49

I don’t mind cursing at all… It can be fun, comical, add emphasis, etc. Like, just now, I took a bite of my dinner, and mind you, I was pretty hungry prior to this bite, and I said, “holy shit”, because this shit is good, okay. Something like “mmm!” or “yummy” does not suffice here !

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Stacey May 12, 2017 at 20:57

Fucking Brillant! I needed this. I have been holding my true self back in order to make others comfortable. No more! By the way, saying fuck increases your hotness factor exponentially. Thx!

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Marjorie May 12, 2017 at 22:32

Melody!!! FUCK YEA! I miss you and I am loving your videos! If I close my eyes it’s just like you’re talking to me :)

Love ya!
Marjorie

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Melody Fletcher May 13, 2017 at 17:01

Hey Marjorie!

Miss you too, my dear! Thanks so much for the lovely feedback.

Smooches,

Melody

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Ann May 13, 2017 at 15:55

I’m not much of a poster either but rather more of a “lurker” just like Mary lol, but I’ve been sitting here reading all the posts and getting teary-eyed as I feel everyone’s energy pouring out. I started swearing when I felt like it a couple of years back after discovering you Mel and I can’t get over how it has helped in my healing journey. I swear when I’m angry, upset, excited, happy or just full of too much energy regardless of the kind. Sometimes I just swear to hear my own self if that makes sense. It is an easy, easy way to release things or to express something that there is no other word for. I’m not obsessive about it but I don’t censor it either. The Universe knows exactly where I’m coming from and that’s all that matters.

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Karen May 13, 2017 at 16:35

Melody, I’ve been with you since the beginning one of the reasons I love you (you are the “only” blog I subscribe to) is because you throw in an occasional “sentence enhancer”! Great post!!

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Isabelle May 14, 2017 at 02:57

Melody, I have the opposite situation of yours. I don’t do very much “cursing”. Until people get to know me really well, my lack of cursing often makes those who curse feel I’m above it and acting stuffy or superior. But, like you, if I try to talk in a way I’m not accustomed, I feel very fake. It’s just not the “me” I know. I have as many friends and family members who don’t curse at all, as I have those who curse a lot. I love and enjoy them all. I hope my way of writing blog commentaries hasn’t made anyone feel I’m putting them down or that I’m “above” cursing or them. And I’m aware that “Fuck yeah” is often all that most people need to hear from me. I keep intending to be succinct but I’m not and cursing wouldn’t help. Unfortunately, if I said “fuck yeah”, I would most likely also try to explain what I meant by that in another dozen paragraphs. Anyway, as I wrote before, the way you use “poo” is so appropriate. The “cursing” is too. I look forward to your blogs and the comments from your blog followers too. Thanks for telling us how you stand up for what you believe in!

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Vita May 14, 2017 at 06:25

Love this video!

I like cursing a little, I feel more relaxed this way and helps to express myself or some strong emotion. I try not to curse when I talk to my mother. I don’t like the feeling that I am constrained. But she is a Primary teacher and when she hears a curse she is only about that, doesn’t hear anything else and looks at me like I should be shameful. I am feeling like I am at a lower level, in her eyes if I curse.

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Karen May 14, 2017 at 09:12

Melody, you crack me, swearing gets to the point..That is why I do it! I enjoy hearing you talk and getting to see a more personal side of you!

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andy May 15, 2017 at 05:31

Hi , late reply but playing catch up again

You being you is why I’m here and if people find it offensive then their in the wrong place.
I’ve been roaming around with my virtual backpack for few years now and came across this place . fuck! This is where I want to be , in my eyes your the best there is and connect so naturally with people .

X

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Lyse Anthony May 17, 2017 at 11:37

Hi Melanie,

I am a French Canadian woman living in the USA. I do not use any cuss words, although I did when I was a rebel teenager to fit in the crowd of friends I had at the time.

Nowadays, when someone curse in my presence, they often excuse their “French”. Well, we all know it isn’t French, but very few knows that in my country, these words or their translated version are not cuss words at all. Of course we have cuss words but are related to our religion. Those words are considered profanity only when they are used in vain. Do it is fine to say the tarbanacle is where the body of Christ is kept. However, is is not okay to say: “This Christ of Tabarnacle moron cut me of on the highway.” You get the picture and I hope you find this information amusing.

BTW, I love your videos and I purchased quite a few coaching calls. All is good, cursing or not, the way you explain the law of attraction really does make some freaking sense to this little purring kitten.

P. S. I like puppies too.

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Lyse Anthony May 17, 2017 at 11:41

Darn auto correct … meant to write: “So it is fine to say …

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Melody Fletcher May 17, 2017 at 14:02

Hey Lyse,

I always thought it was funny that we excuse our “French”. Like the French invented cursing (I’m pretty sure the Italians did, lol.) And then we consider French to be the most beautiful language of all. So… are we subconsciously saying that cursing is beautiful? Hehehe.

Smooshy hugs!

Melody

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Lyse Anthony May 17, 2017 at 17:13

Melody, I never had the impression that people were trying to imply that French people cuss but rather that they imply that whatever cuss word that slipped their tongue was actually a French word. This behavior might have taken root when sophisticated people interjected a few French word in their conversations in order to make themselves sound highly educated. If the person they were talking to did not seem to understand, then would apologized saying “Excuse my French”.

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H. May 23, 2017 at 09:07

I like saying in English “what in the mother of all fucks is…”. Probably not correct English, but everytime I am using the language and expressing some rant-y feelings, it feels great.

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H. May 23, 2017 at 09:09

Cursing can be either liberating or making you feel low, it depend’s also on the person’s vibration. So with time and some clearing, I currently curse less, but better and have way more fun doing it.

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