Having Trouble Meditating? Try This!

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by Melody Fletcher on October 20, 2016

 

If you’ve always wanted to meditate, but you haven’t been able to really get it to work, or you haven’t been able to make yourself do it, then today’s video is for you.

 

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Coaching Call #227 is out! The topic for this week’s call is: How Can She Set Boundaries In Her Relationships?

This caller’s relationship recently ended because her ex didn’t support her when she disciplined his children. The children rebelled against her and as a consequence they split up. Unfortunately for her, not only did his children turn against her but other members of his family also turned against her.

This call is all about setting boundaries and honoring yourself. We explore why children need and welcome guidelines from adults and who the right person is to set those guidelines. I also explain why people throw tantrums and fight against us when we finally set a boundary with them, and what you can do to make sure that the boundary gets honored.

If you’re struggling with honoring yourself and you want to know how to set boundaries, both for yourself and with other people, this call is for you.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Alex’s Burning Question:

“Dear Amazing Melody,

I’ve been deliberately practicing LOA for a few years now, and I’ve been doing really great! I am in love with myself and all these amazing things are happening around me that I can’t wait to become a match with! I feel like I’m right around the corner from all this amazing stuff and I know I need to back off, which I’ve tried, but can’t seem to do. So I want to meditate to solve my problems, but I can’t stop resisting meditation. I want to meditate and I think meditation is the answer to everything (want super powers? Meditate!), but I resist it and have to fight with myself to do it. I know I’m not alone on this, so why do we resist meditation?”

Today’s Video

 

Transcript

Well Awesome Alex, thank you so much for asking this question, because I think you’re right. A lot of people struggle with meditation, because they’ve read or heard somewhere that meditation is a really powerful tool; they may even resonate with the idea of it, and then they go home and try to do the Lotus position, but they can’t. Who amongst us can?! They try to do the “Om-Om” and it doesn’t work, because their minds just won’t slow down. There are many different definitions to meditation that, first of all, have to be acknowledged. Here’s my definition of it: It’s you becoming fully present in the moment; it’s you becoming aware. There are many ways to do that, and you don’t necessarily have to sit going “Om-Om”, or something like that.

Most of us can’t go and sit on a mountain

Here’s the thing about our culture: a lot of the meditation information comes from Eastern cultures that are very valid and very valuable, but the problem is that not all of us can go up onto a mountain and meditate for 6 months and step out of our lives. Most of us have shit to do! We have families; we have jobs; we have business to run; we have mouths to feed; we have relationships to be there for; we have the grocery store to go to; we have to go to our job and deal with our boss. We have to do all these things and we need our minds. A lot of the time people think that meditation is about shutting down the mind. And then your mind, which you’ve come to rely heavily upon and which you need in order to live in this world, rebels. And of course it does, because normally, you rely upon it, but then you suddenly say “Go away mind, you need to stop now; you need to just shut up!”

The way that I teach meditation is for you to do anything that gets you into that nice calm zone. For a lot of people in this society, that actually isn’t sitting down and trying to clear their mind of everything, because that’s when all the stuff they are not normally thinking about, or the stuff they are trying to hang onto on their to-do lists, all the crazy stuff, starts to come up. A lot of people find that when they start to do an activity like walking, or running, or doing the dishes, or gardening, or whatever their thing is, this actually helps them. When you’re doing something that is physically active, but which you don’t have to think about, your mind can slow down and get into that meditative state.

Our minds think they are the boss

It isn’t about quieting the mind to where there’s pure silence. That’s something that can happen, and certainly something that can happen down the line, but when you’re first starting meditation think about it this way: It’s not about silencing the mind; it’s about becoming aware of the mind but not letting it rule you, not engaging with it. It’s like becoming aware of your mind like it’s a three year old running around saying “Look at me! Look at me!”, and you saying to it, “I’m just going to observe this, but I’m not going to run after you anymore.” The problem is not that we have a strong mind, or that our minds are engaged. The problem is that we’ve made our minds the boss; but they were never meant to be the boss.

Our mind is a powerful, powerful tool and a powerful, powerful friend that we have. It’s really good for us to use, but it shouldn’t be in charge. Meditation is a really good way to start the process of taking back ownership and no longer putting the mind in charge. Do anything that you can do that puts you in that state where you can watch what is happening, watch the thoughts, watch the chaos, watch the running around, watch the panic, but don’t allow it to suck you in. Don’t run after the three year old; let it run and it will run itself out. That is what I’ve found to be much more valuable in terms of beginning a meditation practice than staring at a symbol or Om-ing. If that works for you, great. I’m not disparaging that. But if that doesn’t work for you, this is something that you might want to try. You might be doing activities that don’t fit the traditional definition of meditation, but it will be much more helpful.

Stop doing things you don’t want to do

The other thing that I want to say to you, about the part of your question where you say you’re forcing yourself to meditate… Why? Why are you forcing yourself to do something that you don’t really want to do? Stop it! Go and do something that you really do want to do instead. Again, a meditative state can be something that is fun or something that is already relaxing for you. For example, I go to a luxury spa in Austria; that relaxes me. It’s very meditative while I’m getting my facial and my toes done! It can be something where you feel you’re treating yourself. It can be a very conscious practice as you’re sitting and watching your mind running around. It can also be something where you allow yourself to come to peace. Go with what works for you in the moment and let it evolve from there, instead of forcing yourself to do something (based on a definition that you read somewhere), that isn’t working for you.

I hope I’ve answered your question and then some.

Now it’s your turn: how do you get into the meditative state? What’s worked for you?

Until next week, thank you for bringing you light to the world. Bye!

 

Additional Resources

How to Meditate

Why Do Our Brains Accept False Beliefs as Truth?

 

 

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Brandon October 20, 2016 at 19:47

I love your definition of meditation. I can’t just sit in silence. I like to listen to music and relax that way. That’s infinitely more calming to me.

I’ve also meditated while playing the piano. I get lost in the music and it takes me away.

I also agree about not having to silence the mind. The mind will do its own thing, but we have the choice to give it power or not. When I was younger, I tried to silence the mind, but it just never worked. Now, I have a lot more success meditating by just letting the mind be.
Brandon invites you to read..Magic Is All Around You: How to Discover Your Divine ConnectionMy Profile

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kelli October 20, 2016 at 20:13

Hey Melody
I really loved this post for so many reasons. I agree that we should make use of tools and techniques that totally resonate–trying to make ourselves do something that doesn’t because we think we ‘should’ won’t get us very much. I think this is a trap we can easily fall into when embarking on a ‘spiritual journey’

I personally love meditation and it and studying the LOA have been the two things that have had the greatest impact on my life. I also like what you said about doing it in a way that accounts for our typical Western life and what not.

One of the things that helped me most with meditation is giving up on this idea of emptying my mind completely but rather observing what is happening without judgment and becoming invested. Kind of like a third party observer. This will obviously serve us very well as any waking moment we will be contending with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. Finding a way to deal with that more effectively is a game changer for sure.
kelli invites you to read..Law of Attraction: How to Detach and AlignMy Profile

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Viv October 20, 2016 at 20:44

Hi Melody,
Thank you for your post. I have started to meditate to reduce my anxiety and stress levels. I find it to be a great tool. I let my issues bubble up to the surface and imagine them into a sailboat floating away towards the horizon.
I am also using this meditation as a way to stop chasing away money by stressing over it money worries and practicing gratitude.

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Rose October 20, 2016 at 21:21

Hi Melody, all your posts are always serendipitous for me. Just yesterday I was talking to this one guy about ‘ginkgo biloba’, meditation and ‘St. John’s Wart’ and he told me he gets his concentration superpowers by looking at a picture of a swami. When he looks at the swami, he intentionally forces thoughts out of his mind (both positive and negative). His goal during that picture staring time is to become ‘thoughtless’. I also told him I listen to the drum zone beta sounds (like on the app focus@will) which sometimes helps. Thank you for this post as always! <3 <3 <3

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Kirri October 21, 2016 at 03:02

Very helpful post! I have the same problem with visualisation. I want to do it to channel my focus, but I find out I just don’t want to do it. Well it’s not even not even not wanting to do it, I just find myself always doing other things I’d rather do. Which I then do because I go after what feels best. It is more like: I just find myself in bed, all tired when I realise I have not visualised again that day. I am feeling better overall, which is great of course, but I want to focus on getting a new job because that’s the area that I am not making a lot of progress in, even when my life is getting a lot better in other areas. Does anyone have the same thing and maybe some tips I can do to visualise or maybe some other activities that I can do to sort of “channel my focus”? Because I don’t want to force myself into visualising when it doesn’the feel good/convenient.

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Lisa October 21, 2016 at 07:52

Hi, Kirri. Do you feel like your reluctance to visualize is more about visualizing itself, or more about the new job idea? Maybe if there’s some anger left over about your current job, visualizing a new job winds up not being much fun, because your mind might keep putting in, “Yeah, right” or “That’ll never happen” or “Yeah, NICE coworkers, not like that jerk Steve” haha. If visualizing just never seems very fun, no matter what the subject, then maybe you’re better off trying out other methods rather than the one your mind insists is the one you “should” do.
Another perspective is: it’s interesting that you are busy and having fun focusing on other things throughout the day, and then you remember visualizing right before you go to sleep. What if this wasn’t a mistake? I’ve heard that visualizing right before sleep is an especially powerful time to visualize. Maybe 15 seconds of visualizing then is more powerful than the halfhearted 5 minutes your brain would give it earlier in the day, and your mind knows this, and it’s arranging things perfectly! It’s like, “Let’s make Kirri’s life easy. She’s better at doing cognitive and busy stuff during the daytime hours, so we’ll make her really interested and in the flow with that stuff then. Then, when she’s about to sleep, we’ll cue her to visualize, because that minute before she falls asleep is the best time for that.”
I don’t know which (if any!) of these is true, but hopefully even if they’re all wrong they’ll at least spark some ideas that are better.

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Kirri October 23, 2016 at 01:22

Hi Lisa thank you so much for your reply! It is kind of a combination of both reluctance to visualising itself and the new job idea. I find it hard to visualise about myself in the first place. Ever since I was a small child I have a fantasy world where I have a sort of representation of me living the life I wanted (for example, she had a big brother for protection which I would have really liked, but don’t have). I find it easier to visualise about her/that version of me. I try that sometimes, but I read that you shouldn’t make yourself better in your visualisation because that reinforces the message that somethings has to change about you before it can happen. I will try your idea about short visualisations and sending a “shot” of positive energy into the universe about my job once in a while, it sounds like something that would fit me more. Thank you for your advice, it got me thinking about some good stuff!

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Dee October 21, 2016 at 08:37

I absolutely hate meditating. There I said it! I have found I get my most profound thoughts, revelations, intuition, while I’m running, listening to my favorite songs! I also have had many revelations while in the shower. Water is a powerful energy that helps facilitate calm and opens the mind even more. Thank you so much for this! I have always resisted the traditional meditation and I appreciate this video very much!

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Farrah November 27, 2016 at 20:11

I also receive a lot of insight when I’m taking a shower, lol. Often times, answers will pop into my head of questions I had previously asked. Love it!

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anonymous October 25, 2016 at 22:27

Dear Melody, I’m having trouble finding work. I’ve been looking for a job for over a month and have gotten a few interviews, but I am not getting offers from any within a reasonable distance of where I live. Honestly if I had the choice, I would not work at all. I’m just doing this to fund my passion and to save to move (I would move and look for work if I had the money, but right now I don’t.) I accept that I’m going to have to take something sucky for minimum wage. But I’m not even getting accepted for most of the minimum wage jobs I’ve been applying to!! I just need money so I can leave here and move on with my life, but all the hard work I’m putting into searching for a job is bringing little in return. I feel trapped by my financial situation. I often feel, why live? I should be more optimistic, but I can’t help but feel let down that I have to take this path I really don’t want to take just to get what I want. How do you cope, accept and feel good about your situation when you really, really hate it?

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anonymous October 26, 2016 at 05:01

Another question: how specific should you be when searching for a partner? I hear many relationship gurus say to be open to specifics, such as appearance and interests for example, but what if there is a specific “type” of person that you are attracted to? I don’t want to have to settle for someone I don’t find attractive or who doesn’t share any common interests as me, even if we are a match in every other area. I feel like settling for someone I don’t find attractive would feel awful in a long term relationship (I have for short term flings, and it felt terrible.)

I know this sounds shallow, but I feel very much that the message is that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. I don’t want to have to settle for someone I don’t really want to be with, even if we would/should be good together.

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Kirri October 27, 2016 at 00:43

Fron what I’ve learned from Melody, you really shouldn’t settle! You mach good on paper, so what? If you are not attracted to a person, you just are not. Why would you get in a relationship if it doesn’t feel good. And for your job, I feel like you are using what Melody calls “prerequisites”. I explain it for myself as ‘things I think need to be manifested so I can manifest then what I really want’. Like a kid that wants to become a soccerplayer and make a lot of money so that I he can buy himelf a guitar. When all he really wants is the guitar ! You do not need to find a sucky job in order to find your passion. Just send your focus to following your passion and make sure that feels really good and it will manifest. I hope this helps a little!

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anonymous October 27, 2016 at 12:39

Hey Kirri, Thank you for your reply!! The thing about the job is that the only way right now to obtain the money I need to buy the recording gear I need would be to work. So I’m just looking for something that would allow me to bring in money to fund equipment and also to fund moving. I focus a lot on what I want to release and am making the best with what I have (old iPhone), but I really want to record at a decent quality and make the music that’s in my head. I also focus on moving, living the life I want to where I want to. Again, I surround and immerse myself to the best I can right now, but I really desire the real thing. I don’t understand why I haven’t even been able to get jobs which have very few requirements that I do have. I’ve been taking a lot of action as everyone says to but am not really getting anywhere.

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Kirri October 27, 2016 at 14:57

This may sound kind of harsh, I do not mean to but just hear me out. And all credits from the things that I say have to go to Melody and Kelli (another commenter hear, she also has a nice blog about the LOA). Only YOU decided that the only way you can get the equipment is by working a sucky job. I can think of a whole lot of other possibilities, just from the top of my head: someone could borrow you the equipment, you could find some of the equipment which would make you able to make a little better quality already etc. You have just decided that you can only get it by getting a sucky job. And even if that were true (like you would have to buy it yourself or it won’t work I mean) why would you decide that you have to get a sucky job to make it happen? Why can’t it be a nice job? Is that because you decided that your job will be sucky because it is not what you ultimately want?
From your reply (correct me if I’m wrong) it sounds like you are quite frustrated with your situation. That’s totally understandable, but there are some things you can do. I would advise you to just ask yourself: what if there is a possibility that I can have my equipment without you having to work a sucky job? The Universe can do some awesome things you know, it is not your job to figure out how. It is incredibly hard, I know, I have been there and I still am at this place, but just try the best you can. Take your action in that direction, focusing on the feeling of your equipment and a possible solution coming in for you. Melody had two blogs post that I think illustrated this well; ‘How to love your sucky job’ and ‘Take this job and love’

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anonymous October 27, 2016 at 15:18

Thank you Kirri! You didn’t come off as harsh, what you said is actually what I need to hear. The money isn’t only for the recording gear I need, but also to move. Right now I’m living with my parents and have a strong desire to leave, but lack the finances to actually do so. The only way that seems currently possible would be to earn enough money, at least a little bit, so that when I leave, I would have savings until I am able to find a job. This is what my mind is telling me, even though there are countless other possibilities, but those seem very unlikely to happen (and I can’t see how to make them happen.) Even in finding work where I am now, I have put in so much effort but have yet to actually land something. There were a few jobs I applied for that seemed perfect for me and I felt very confident that I would get one of them, but I didn’t. I guess I just need to be more open and not panic so much. Perhaps not finding a job here (yet) is telling me something. I feel a lot of confusion because many people say that you have to take massive action, work really hard, make things happen and push, otherwise you won’t get anywhere. I’ve been trying that with this job search and it hasn’t worked. Maybe I’m trying too hard!

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anonymous October 28, 2016 at 21:21

Update: I did get hired for a few hours a week job, but feel uncertain whether I will accept it. I feel like I should because it’s a job, even if have a sinking feeling about the environment and am not looking forward to it at all. The people I met there were nice, but I really do not want to work there. The pay is quite low and I would be earning very little each month. It would still take me a long time to save enough to move.

How do I get past feeling trapped and stuck here? How do I cope with a living situation that I hate? I would leave my parents’ home in a heartbeat, but I can’t because I have no savings. Without money, I can’t survive, at least not in society. Every fiber of me being screams to just find some way out, ASAP, but that’s not realistic right now. I’ve been here too long and can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’ll never make it out of here.

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anonymous October 28, 2016 at 21:25

The thing about this job is that it came quite easily. Could it be the path of least resistance/the Universe telling me to take it, even if I don’t feel good about it?

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Kirri November 3, 2016 at 22:57

It is kind of hard to tell for me. Melody is good in tapping into your energy, but I can’t do that unfortunately. What I would advise you to do is to go for the better feeling option. And since you don’t seem to feel that well, it can also be the feeling-the-least-shitty-option. Or as Melody would say, the option that feels most like relief. It could be that this job is the best thing that you can let in right now, given your vibration. Just think about what feels better, accepting the job or not.

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