Is This One Mistake Keeping You Stuck?

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by Melody Fletcher on November 20, 2015

 

What if you’ve read every book, tried every technique and followed every guru, but are still not feeling like a happy shiny puppy? You understand the Law of Attraction intellectually, but you’re not yet feeling the joy and awesomeness it promises? Maybe you’ve heard me talk about the importance of anger, and you’ve even tried that, but haven’t gotten the relief you were after? What’s going wrong? Well, chances are, you’re making this one mistake that’s keeping you stuck. Watch today’s video to find out how you can break out of the cycle of doom and finally manifest the emotions and life of your dreams.

******************************

Coaching Call #179 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: How Can She Learn To Deal With The Anger Emotion?

This caller has a lot of anger around her.  Both she and her husband get very angry towards one another, to the point that she’s thinking of leaving him because he makes her feel uncomfortable and afraid.  Her anger didn’t start with her husband; she’s angry with her mom because of what happened in her childhood, but she hasn’t found a way to release it in a way that feels good to her.

Is being angry ever healthy?  Should we suppress our anger (like we’ve always been told to do), or can we find a way to release it in a way that’s beneficial to us?

This call is for you if you get angry but you never get any relief from it, or you’re surrounded by angry people who make you feel uncomfortable and afraid.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question

“Dear Melody, I’ve read your blog, I’ve bought and read your book, I’ve read, Ask and It is Given, etc.  I’m one of those people you reference who’s read ALL this LOA stuff.  I even listened to The Secret going to and from work last year, but I’m stuck. I recognise my energy levels need changing.  I know I have some crappy core beliefs, and having tried standing in front of the mirror saying “I’m awesome”, I completely agree with you; it doesn’t work! 

My personal work and my financial situation is, whilst not being unbearable, almost diametrically opposite from what I would like to see in my life. How do I change these core beliefs?  I’ve tried getting angry and it works, but the energy doesn’t appear to change, it just slips back to the acceptance of the norm.  I’ve tried overriding them but that doesn’t work.  How do you change core beliefs such as: money is evil, I’m unlovable, unintelligent, etc.  I’ve tried to apply your recognized: I didn’t have enough data at the time my core beliefs were formed, and I can see how they were created, but I can’t seem to budge them and I’m feeling so bloody helpless.  Sorry, I really feel a bit over it all. I’ve tried so hard in the last six years to really take ownership of my life, and reflect back what I want, but I appear to making it a good old mess.

I know you’ve written about changing energy before, as have the Hicks, but it seems like nothing works for me. Then, I start blaming myself, stating that because I’m holding the belief that techniques haven’t worked in the past, it’s why they are not working, and round the merry-go-round it goes.

How can you help a bedraggled, exhausted puppy, become shiny?”

 

Here’s my answer:

 

 

 

Transcript

Well awesome Dudette, you ask one hell of a question!  It’s a question that so many people ask, which is why I read it in its entirety, and why I’m answering it here in the video.

The Cycle of Doom

When you feel stuck in this cycle, in this merry-go-round that you’re talking about – you become angry, and it does seem to bring some relief, but nothing actually ever really shifts. That means you are stuck in the cycle of doom.  If you read my book, go look it up on the spectrum where the cycle of doom is.  You will notice that it’s being stuck between anger and shame, and you are not really moving out of that.  It’s at that point when you go into anger, you let some steam off, like a pressure cooker on the stove; you let a little bit of the steam out, but you never take the damn pot off the heat, so the pressure just keeps building again and again and so on.

You go back to the cycle of, “Well it’s my fault…”  Then, the anger tries to pull you out of that and you let just enough out to get you some relief. I’m betting that this is what is happening to you, and OMG, I see this all the time in my coaching practice; this is my audience; you are my people! What happens is you get some relief and the over-intellectualization starts.  You start to analyze way too much instead of staying with the emotion.  You kick it off by doing some “emotional work” and then you get a little bit of relief, you feel a little bit better, and right away the mind starts to jump in saying, “Why did this happen, why did I do this, what am I doing with my vibration, what thoughts am I thinking, where did this come from…?”

It’s an emotional journey not an intellectual journey

I’m certain that you have intellectually followed your beliefs down to their core and figured out what they are and where they came from, BUT you haven’t done the emotional work. Not really! This is precisely what happens with people who have come to heavily rely on their minds.  They over-intellectualize, and they don’t actually allow themselves to fully do the emotional work, because they’ve learned that their minds figuring things out works for them. Right!?  But, it doesn’t really; not in this regard.

We have to continuously remind ourselves over and over again that it’s an emotional journey.  Trust me, I have to do this with myself, with my clients, even clients who have worked with me for quite some time; when you’d think they’d freakin’ know it by now!!  But the mind likes to jump in there!  The more you get into this work though, it becomes faster to remind yourself that it’s an emotional journey, and then you get right out of it.  At the moment, I promise you, this is what you are doing; you are shutting down your anger release and stopping it from coming to its completion, because as soon as you get some relief, you start over thinking it again.  Here’s what you want to do instead:

Allow yourself to get angry

Whatever work you do, you want to feel the emotion; do not try to figure out what it’s about, do not analyze it, do not get caught up in the story; just feel the emotion and see where it takes you.  If anger comes up, OMG, be angry, be petty, be ugly about it; it doesn’t matter.  Do it in a constructive way (I’ve mentioned that in my book, my blog and in tons of my videos), how to do a constructive anger release.  If you do a constructive anger release, that means you are not going to be yelling at people, or punching people in the face, or quitting your job and telling your boss to F-off; you’re going to be doing it constructively.

If you are letting that anger out you actually have to be willing to feel the emotion, because the benefit and the technique you are getting is: “Feeling the Emotion!”  It isn’t so that you can figure it out!  The whole figuring it out part is what YOU want to do and what you have learned you need to do so that you can let it go.  You don’t need to figure it out in that moment; let yourself have the feeling, and then the shift will occur.  The trying to figure it out shuts it down.  If you really need to figure it out, tell yourself that you will after the entire shift has gone, after you well and truly feel better.  Often we then get that clarity where we understand what it was about, why it happened.  As you’ve proven to yourself, simply figuring it out doesn’t help you.  You can even actually figure out where the belief came from.  For example, “My mother always used to do this….” Figuring this out doesn’t always cause the shift, though, because the shift is emotional.

If you go to my book (I’m just going to point this out to you), if you look at the progression of manifestation where it starts with “Stage 1: Focus”, “Stage 2: Emotion”, and then “Stage 3: Thoughts, Memories and Ideas”, what you are doing is working on “Stage 3: Thoughts, Memories and Ideas”, instead of “Stage 2: Emotion”.  That is where you are going wrong.  You are working too late in the process; you are working too late in the progression.  It’s like trying to get healthy by putting vitamins in your poop!  You have to go to the source.

Allow yourself to be fully angry; allow yourself to continue feeling that anger, without needing to figure out what it is, without getting caught up in the justification of why you’re angry and who hurt you, what your mother always said to you and blah, blah, blah. Just feel the emotion.  Anything that helps you to feel that emotion – let it out; that’s great.  If it doesn’t help you to do that, it’s not helpful for you at all.  You don’t need any justification for being angry.  Being angry is justification enough.  You have absolute permission to be angry.  OK!

Bottom Line

That will help you to break out of the cycle of doom, and remember, of the three rules of an anger release, the most important one is:  You cannot get angry at yourself, which you’re still doing; you’re bringing it back onto yourself.

Review all of the material (the links are below).I promise you, this is what is happening to you and if you follow these instructions, it will break you out of the cycle of doom.  Then you will move right towards being a happy shiny puppy.

I hope I’ve answered your question, and if you found this information valuable, then please consider sharing it with someone who will also benefit from it.  If you’d like to join the discussion or you have a question of your own, please leave it in the comments below.

Thanks as always for being here with me, and I will see you next time.

Bye!

Additional Resources

Get my Book!

Rules of a Constructive Anger Release (Video: How to Feel Powerful When You Don’t)

The Do’s and Don’ts of Anger

More posts on Anger

{ 28 comments }

MaryN November 20, 2015 at 12:26

Hi Melody
I just have a question about disappointment. There is an event / happening one looks forward to. Wholeheartedly with the best possible feelings around it, truly and openly just looking forward. Then it doesn’t happen. And sitting with the emotions, well the only thing that surfaces is ‘disappointment” and shedding some tears. But if one wholeheartedly looked forward to something, had all the good feelings around it… – then what went wrong? Obviously one was “attached” to a certain outcome – but isn’t that what looking forward to something “small” such as a party, visit etc means. Does LOA mean no more looking forward to specific events and happenings and just create a general good-feeling soup with a what-ever-the-fuck attitude to absolutely everything? What is the difference between looking forward to something and it happens – and then looking forward to a similar thing with similar people and it does not happen? Less resistance to the former, but I cant seem to figure out what resistance. Sometimes the looking-forward-to happens and next time it does not. WTF???

Kate November 20, 2015 at 13:59

Awesome dudette – thank you so much for asking this question! And MaryN, thank you so much for your point, above. I recognise both scenarios, massively! And recognise the truth of Melody’s answer.
It took me ages to realise I was ‘avoiding’ the step i knew would actually help the most, i.e., paying attention to my emotional state, to what vibration I was in, and then ‘softening’ and using available tools to raise my vibration and FEEL better.
I knew i could do it, and should do it, but i was blocked on actually carrying it through a lot of the time.
It’s an ongoing practice, is all I can say, and i am babystepping. Incrementally, in situations and circumstances, i remember not to ‘buy in’ to the details and ‘reality’ and interpretation of it… but to soften, open my heart, sink in to the good stuff and i let myself go with the positive emotions.
All the intellectualising in the world can only take one so far in one’s evolution. If you want to let the results in, you have to shift your FEELINGS, daily, to surf and bask in good-feeling vibes.
Going with the positive emotions is going to bring the results (and that’s a sticking point for some people – can you really allow it in to your life), and if i’ve been holding (some) good results at bay for this long, it’s a gradual process to allow them in.
Self-dialogue-ing helps, and listening to Esther Hicks on Youtube really helps too.
Maybe have a chat with yourself, eg ‘Well, that thing i was really looking forward to didn’t happen, and i can feel the disappointment around that, but i’ve still got so much to feel good about, so i’m not going to let it carry my emotions down some tunnel. I love myself, I’m loveable, and i’m worth hanging out with so i trust that i attract the best people and situations for having fun’ etc etc.
The ‘disappointment of plans falling through’ was related to some ingrained childhood patterning, for me, and so i made that mental ‘link’ but then i also saw it as an opportunity to practice ‘feeling good anyway’ , it was a gift to help me practice – because, if we don’t learn to do that, we will never progress… for me, a large part of the learning around LOA is that WHATEVER is happening, we have to learn to feel good anyway. Not letting every little thing knock us off our decision to feel good, or bring us down from our ‘happy shiny’ vibe.
It’s a lifelong practice, in my view, and sometimes it feels easier than other times… :-)
Thank you for the questions, they really helped me today :-)

Summer November 20, 2015 at 15:49

MaryN,

I’m glad you asked that question. I’ve noticed the same thing. Sometimes, I look forward to something and it works out fine or even better than I expected. Sometimes I fully expect things to go well and they don’t. Other times, I fully expect things to end horribly and they turn out fine. I’m not getting it either. It has almost made me afraid to look forward to anything anymore. But then, what kind of existence is that??? Being afraid to look forward to things?

Melody Fletcher November 22, 2015 at 00:25

Hey MaryN,

Disappointment is the emotion that comes up when you had a specific expectation which wasn’t met. I know you said below that this wasn’t a case of needing something to happen so that you could feel good, but if you were disappointed, then that’s exactly what it was. That doesn’t meant that you weren’t actually excited. I’m sure you were. But there was a part of you, just a bit, that needed the manifestation to look a specific way. And when it didn’t, you freaked out. Your reaction when it didn’t come to pass exactly as you’d hoped shows you that (that’s often the only way we know that we had such a specific expectation).

You’ll want to ask yourself some questions: What actually went wrong? Why was it so important that this thing happen in exactly this way (and if it hadn’t been important, you wouldn’t have been disappointed)? What does it mean to you that this didn’t work out?

Perhaps your disappointment is about a fear, that you’re not as powerful as you thought you were, or don’t have as great a command of this process as you thought you did. Perhaps it’s pointing to unworthiness (I did everything right and I still didn’t get this arbitrary thing, so I must not be worthy). Don’t look for the belief to make sense (it generally won’t). Just explore the feelings.

Also, remember that what you visualize (which is just a tool to help you line up with energy, it’s not what actually creates), is NOT necessarily the same as what will manifest. But, what manifests will FEEL the same. And if you can accept and allow that, then what manifests will be even BETTER than what you envisioned.

So, remember that if you’re disappointed, you had a specific expectation, which means that a part of you NEEDED something to happen. Not all of you, just a part.

I hope that helps.

Huge hugs,

Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Is This One Mistake Keeping You Stuck?My Profile

Summer November 20, 2015 at 16:13

Oops! I hit the enter button too soon.
Also, I’m not sure about what to do in my situation because I totally get what Awesome Dudette is saying. I understand intellectually how to apply this stuff. I get that there is some sort of emotion I’m not letting out. But what do you do if you don’t feel anything? I rarely feel angry anymore. I’m very familiar with anger and if I feel it come up, I do whatever I can to let it out so I can move on. But what about that “meh” or “blah” or whatever you want to call it feeling? Is there a cycle of doom involving the void? It seems like no matter what I do, I always fall right back into this feeling of not wanting to do anything. It’s like I don’t give a crap if I’m broke and in debt for the rest of my life. I know intellectually that isn’t true, so why do I keep coming back to this place? Do all of the emotions along the ladder have potential to become stuck emotions? How am I supposed to get rid of this? I get how you release anger, but how do you release “nothingness”? I try to allow the feelings to the best of my ability, but it’s hard to sit around doing nothing (which is what I WANT to do right now) when you have a job, a child, a husband, bills. I guess my question is: How do you ALLOW the void when you have to continue living your life, yet all you want to do is shut out the entire world and play video games for 2-3 weeks straight?

Edelweiss November 20, 2015 at 17:33

Very, very good questions. I hope someone answers this!

Melody Fletcher November 22, 2015 at 00:29

Hey Summer,

If your highest excitement right now is to do nothing, then do your best to honor that. But don’t half ass it. Whenever you can (and I get that you can’t do this 24/7), take time off. Really take time off. Revel in it. Don’t lie down or play video games while thinking “I should be doing this or that…” Give yourself full permission to play, or nap, or relax, or procrastinate. Let yourself off the hook.

The pressure of feeling like you should be doing something can definitely keep you stuck, yes. You’re being pulled in a new direction. But you can’t see what that is until you well and truly give up the pushing. Until you relax and surrender. So, do whatever you want to do, with full abandon, whenever possible. Even in small ways and for a few minutes at a time. See what happens.

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Summer November 23, 2015 at 22:38

Thank you Melody. :)
I feel like I’m afraid I’ll be stuck in this emotion forever and I’ll never be inspired to do anything ever again and I’ll die an old lady broke and in debt. I know that isn’t true. I’m just gonna have to cut myself some slack. It feels like the longer I sit around doing nothing, the longer it will be until I’m living the life I visualize…….but I guess that would be that old world thinking sneaking up on me again. Damn you old world thinking!

MaryN November 20, 2015 at 17:05

Hey Summer
Sisters in distress we certainly are. At this point I am getting terrified of all the resistance and hidden damaging beliefs and vibrations that are apparently lurking in my sub-conscious because when I THINK I feel great and when I am pretty sure I really do FEEL great, then apparently I was not, because I feel (or think I do…) great but the manifestation stinks. So yes, the warm, fuzzy feeling of looking forward to something is apparently not to be trusted. And in this case it was not a case of “I will feel happy when this thing I am looking forward to, manifest”. I was already happy, feeling the excitement, already living the moment – so thinking about the picture of the grumpy cat facing itself in the mirror and saying “I will not smile until you smile” – I was smiling but the mirror decided not to. Lets hope Melody throws in her wisdom here.

Edelweiss November 20, 2015 at 17:31

This article was so definitely for me. And I have a further question: I cannot seem to ‘just get angry’. I can vent at something or someone, but then that adds the story and that takes me out of the emotion. I have not been able to simply generate the feeling of anger while sitting in my lounge not having something specific to be angry about. I can get angry at idiots on the phone, or at a specific situation – not easy, but doable – but I can’t sustain the anger without the story, and the story pulls me out of the anger. Any ideas on how to just be angry- just feel the emotion – to release?

Melody Fletcher November 22, 2015 at 00:30

Hey Edelweiss,

You don’t have to generate anger. Just allow it to come out when it comes up. And don’t worry too much about analyzing it. Just let yourself feel it. Even if it doesn’t last (doesn’t have to). That’s really the most important thing – allowing yourself to feel it, without shutting it down.

Hugs!

Melody
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Edelweiss November 20, 2015 at 17:36

I too hit enter too soon. I just wanted to add that I am so glad I am not alone in this. I was starting to think that I was the slow kid in this class! :)

kelli November 20, 2015 at 18:03

Hey Melody
I loved your answer to her question. I just talked about this exact topic in one of my recent podcasts. It can be so challenging because we are used to ‘figuring out’ stuff and then trying to see what we can ‘do’ to change the situation and while the action plays its part, that comes after the alignment and clearing out the gunk–it should be last anyway but we aren’t used to operating like that. I think a lot of LOA teachings give the impression that ‘negative’ emotion is bad, which makes us afraid to really dive in. We just try to ‘get rid’ of it and that really doesn’t work. really accepting my emotions and letting myself feel them, rather than hoping to manifest certain things so they would go away and I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore, was a major turning point in my own life.
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Cheryl November 20, 2015 at 23:38

Thank you, Melody! I needed that!

Isabel Martins November 21, 2015 at 00:35

The message in this post keeps coming to my mind. I may be sugar coating things, and I feel I’m procrastinating on doing what can really get me going on my energy healing practice. I keep myself distracted with the next thing that I must do before… I know ALL that is supposed to work in LOA terms, and I’ve seen results, and still, I don’t keep the practices up on a consistent basis. Guess there’s more emotional stuff to release. Well hidden too! Sneaky kind of well hidden! Gotta be like a cat here to chase it until I have it. And the release it! :)
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S November 21, 2015 at 02:16

Hi Melody,

Do you think it’s ok to take action that doesn’t feel good if it gives you relief? I find that it can feel like work pursuing my dreams. The daily steps that I take aren’t always fun, but doing them at least reassures me that I will get what I want, even if I don’t know how. Not doing anything or letting go of my dream to be an artist feels awful. Am I blocking myself if I’m engaging in actions that aren’t very fun? I read all the time that you have to let go of outcomes, but letting go of certain specifics doesn’t feel good to me.

Melody Fletcher November 22, 2015 at 00:32

Hey S,

Always go for relief. Sometimes, the word “good” can be confusing, because if you can’t get to “good”, then what do you do? If you’re in pain, you go for relief. If you’re under pressure, go for relief. Keep doing that and eventually, relief turns into good. :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..How To Manifest On A DeadlineMy Profile

S November 25, 2015 at 08:27

Thanks for your response! Looking forward to your next post :)

Alicia November 21, 2015 at 03:28

I read the post and awesome thanks for sharing. I think what is missing is “Trust and Surrender”. Also you must change your story to the point that you believe it. I have been working on this for a while. I told the universe that I wanted my own business. And opportunity has feel in my lap, but I still wanted a job to sustain while I build my business. Well I got mad because I was getting turn down letter after turn down letter. The universe didn’t give me those jobs because my vibration does not match, those jobs are lower than my current vibration. A light bulb went off, I told the universe what I want and I totally went against it. That was because my lack of trust and belief. So faith, trust, and belief are the keys to your story changing. Its funny that I just realized this today. I have to trust the universe to do as I asked it to do for me. I may not have a job and my business has just started, but I trust the universe to provide and continue to provide for me. I got turned down for a job today, I got angry, I got over and I knew that it was a waste of my time to even apply for the job, but all and all, It is meant for me to do my business, things keep directing that way. I’m behind on my everything, but I trust the universe to provide and keep providing for me. Again the keywords are trust, belief and faith, it takes time but things slowly change.

Kate November 21, 2015 at 05:18

My reply above was too long…! So I’m not going to risk that again (although i’d love to tell you about today, which was an exquisite embodiment of MaryN and other’s scenario of ‘plans falling through’! And… i tackled it as i described earlier: i took it as an opportunity to feel good anyway. And decided it couldn’t have been the best plan anyway, if it fell through so easily… and got a bit sad but also got clearer on what i would like to happen… then, later on something totally unexpected came along to replace the failed plan… which was much more what i actually wanted! :-) ).
Anyway, i think Melody’s advice is the simplest way to respond to any situation, and it’s akin to Alicia’s advice too:
It doesn’t matter what the situation is (failed plan, a job rejection, a blah disposition…)
All the LOA wisdom tells us just to do whatever we can to raise our vibration. When our general vibe is high, our experiences of life are gonna be different.
As Melody says in the video, don’t buy into the analysis (or over-analysis). PERIOD.
If you get a flash of insight, great, thank it —- BUT the main focus should always be on ‘where is my vibration sitting?’ Up? Down? Then take it back up.
Manifestation is an emotionally determined process. It begins and ends with where your emotional vibe is at (coupled with your level of trust in what you want actually appearing). And if your vibe is ‘blah’ or low, then dialogue yourself to a place where it’s higher, more loving, more thankful, buzzing. And listening to Esther Hicks on youtube is about the fastest way to get there – she does all the dialogue-ing work for you!
Until we learn to stop procrastinating and just get on with the healing task of raising our vibration, not much in life is gonna change…

Naomi November 21, 2015 at 10:29

Thanks Melody I think its where Im going wrong too!

Terry November 22, 2015 at 07:16

Hey Melody,

Happiness yeah…o mms

Hugs…

Ryan Biddulph November 24, 2015 at 04:55

You get unstuck SO fast when you allow your stuck feeling, sit with it, sit with all emotions which it seems to wake up and stir up and whip into a roaring rapids of frenzy then….voila! It really does go away! Your point of doing emotional then intellectual work vibes with me because my problems persist when I intend to think them through and disappear when I stick around, relax, and follow through which my intention to be with them. My feelings disappear when I’m fully aware of them because they HAVE TO go somewhere, when you watch them. It’s almost like my feelings are shy and coy when I watch them; they exit stage left versus being the center of attention.

But thinking them through leads to a matrix of thoughts which create stronger feelings, tension and resistance. I recall reading in so old style LOA author’s writing….”the feeling that the tension of thought creates”…and they were right. When you think, it may be slight tension, but a certain mind resistance develops….at least for me….but in the moment, resistance arises and vanishes so freaking quickly because Monkey Mind and Throttling Thoughts aren’t creating resistance. Love it Melody. Thank you!

Ryan
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Terry November 26, 2015 at 07:06

Hey Melody.

Imagine.
I imagine that I am playing with you but,
you do not really know what game is just
to begin.
Perhaps if you only give it a moment, your
focus will proceed. We play all the time when
we are in our dreams but, our attention is
is not there because we do not follow. Why !
Hugs…

Terry November 26, 2015 at 07:53

Know how to awake-up !

Terry December 20, 2015 at 00:03

There !

Terry December 20, 2015 at 00:38

You see, there, we have the positive pull of change
*not known yet.* Because of a built-in mechanism.
I am not going to say it here. But I will relate it to
our belief system. Yes, the bad 4 that are holding
us all back.
Someone asked to relate in sentences & paragraphs.
You see, things come-in and they go-out, just like the
tides of our oceans !
The thing here is to try and capture them when they
come in and then I finally got my first desire coin. Wow !
You see, your dreams are so close but yet so far from
you. Why not focus your attention towards the tides of
your dreams…

Ace December 28, 2015 at 11:24

LOVE

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