What if you’ve read every book, tried every technique and followed every guru, but are still not feeling like a happy shiny puppy? You understand the Law of Attraction intellectually, but you’re not yet feeling the joy and awesomeness it promises? Maybe you’ve heard me talk about the importance of anger, and you’ve even tried that, but haven’t gotten the relief you were after? What’s going wrong? Well, chances are, you’re making this one mistake that’s keeping you stuck. Watch today’s video to find out how you can break out of the cycle of doom and finally manifest the emotions and life of your dreams.
Coaching Call #179 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: How Can She Learn To Deal With The Anger Emotion?
This caller has a lot of anger around her. Both she and her husband get very angry towards one another, to the point that she’s thinking of leaving him because he makes her feel uncomfortable and afraid. Her anger didn’t start with her husband; she’s angry with her mom because of what happened in her childhood, but she hasn’t found a way to release it in a way that feels good to her.
Is being angry ever healthy? Should we suppress our anger (like we’ve always been told to do), or can we find a way to release it in a way that’s beneficial to us?
This call is for you if you get angry but you never get any relief from it, or you’re surrounded by angry people who make you feel uncomfortable and afraid.
Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question
“Dear Melody, I’ve read your blog, I’ve bought and read your book, I’ve read, Ask and It is Given, etc. I’m one of those people you reference who’s read ALL this LOA stuff. I even listened to The Secret going to and from work last year, but I’m stuck. I recognise my energy levels need changing. I know I have some crappy core beliefs, and having tried standing in front of the mirror saying “I’m awesome”, I completely agree with you; it doesn’t work!
My personal work and my financial situation is, whilst not being unbearable, almost diametrically opposite from what I would like to see in my life. How do I change these core beliefs? I’ve tried getting angry and it works, but the energy doesn’t appear to change, it just slips back to the acceptance of the norm. I’ve tried overriding them but that doesn’t work. How do you change core beliefs such as: money is evil, I’m unlovable, unintelligent, etc. I’ve tried to apply your recognized: I didn’t have enough data at the time my core beliefs were formed, and I can see how they were created, but I can’t seem to budge them and I’m feeling so bloody helpless. Sorry, I really feel a bit over it all. I’ve tried so hard in the last six years to really take ownership of my life, and reflect back what I want, but I appear to making it a good old mess.
I know you’ve written about changing energy before, as have the Hicks, but it seems like nothing works for me. Then, I start blaming myself, stating that because I’m holding the belief that techniques haven’t worked in the past, it’s why they are not working, and round the merry-go-round it goes.
How can you help a bedraggled, exhausted puppy, become shiny?”
Here’s my answer:
Well awesome Dudette, you ask one hell of a question! It’s a question that so many people ask, which is why I read it in its entirety, and why I’m answering it here in the video.
The Cycle of Doom
When you feel stuck in this cycle, in this merry-go-round that you’re talking about – you become angry, and it does seem to bring some relief, but nothing actually ever really shifts. That means you are stuck in the cycle of doom. If you read my book, go look it up on the spectrum where the cycle of doom is. You will notice that it’s being stuck between anger and shame, and you are not really moving out of that. It’s at that point when you go into anger, you let some steam off, like a pressure cooker on the stove; you let a little bit of the steam out, but you never take the damn pot off the heat, so the pressure just keeps building again and again and so on.
You go back to the cycle of, “Well it’s my fault…” Then, the anger tries to pull you out of that and you let just enough out to get you some relief. I’m betting that this is what is happening to you, and OMG, I see this all the time in my coaching practice; this is my audience; you are my people! What happens is you get some relief and the over-intellectualization starts. You start to analyze way too much instead of staying with the emotion. You kick it off by doing some “emotional work” and then you get a little bit of relief, you feel a little bit better, and right away the mind starts to jump in saying, “Why did this happen, why did I do this, what am I doing with my vibration, what thoughts am I thinking, where did this come from…?”
It’s an emotional journey not an intellectual journey
I’m certain that you have intellectually followed your beliefs down to their core and figured out what they are and where they came from, BUT you haven’t done the emotional work. Not really! This is precisely what happens with people who have come to heavily rely on their minds. They over-intellectualize, and they don’t actually allow themselves to fully do the emotional work, because they’ve learned that their minds figuring things out works for them. Right!? But, it doesn’t really; not in this regard.
We have to continuously remind ourselves over and over again that it’s an emotional journey. Trust me, I have to do this with myself, with my clients, even clients who have worked with me for quite some time; when you’d think they’d freakin’ know it by now!! But the mind likes to jump in there! The more you get into this work though, it becomes faster to remind yourself that it’s an emotional journey, and then you get right out of it. At the moment, I promise you, this is what you are doing; you are shutting down your anger release and stopping it from coming to its completion, because as soon as you get some relief, you start over thinking it again. Here’s what you want to do instead:
Allow yourself to get angry
Whatever work you do, you want to feel the emotion; do not try to figure out what it’s about, do not analyze it, do not get caught up in the story; just feel the emotion and see where it takes you. If anger comes up, OMG, be angry, be petty, be ugly about it; it doesn’t matter. Do it in a constructive way (I’ve mentioned that in my book, my blog and in tons of my videos), how to do a constructive anger release. If you do a constructive anger release, that means you are not going to be yelling at people, or punching people in the face, or quitting your job and telling your boss to F-off; you’re going to be doing it constructively.
If you are letting that anger out you actually have to be willing to feel the emotion, because the benefit and the technique you are getting is: “Feeling the Emotion!” It isn’t so that you can figure it out! The whole figuring it out part is what YOU want to do and what you have learned you need to do so that you can let it go. You don’t need to figure it out in that moment; let yourself have the feeling, and then the shift will occur. The trying to figure it out shuts it down. If you really need to figure it out, tell yourself that you will after the entire shift has gone, after you well and truly feel better. Often we then get that clarity where we understand what it was about, why it happened. As you’ve proven to yourself, simply figuring it out doesn’t help you. You can even actually figure out where the belief came from. For example, “My mother always used to do this….” Figuring this out doesn’t always cause the shift, though, because the shift is emotional.
If you go to my book (I’m just going to point this out to you), if you look at the progression of manifestation where it starts with “Stage 1: Focus”, “Stage 2: Emotion”, and then “Stage 3: Thoughts, Memories and Ideas”, what you are doing is working on “Stage 3: Thoughts, Memories and Ideas”, instead of “Stage 2: Emotion”. That is where you are going wrong. You are working too late in the process; you are working too late in the progression. It’s like trying to get healthy by putting vitamins in your poop! You have to go to the source.
Allow yourself to be fully angry; allow yourself to continue feeling that anger, without needing to figure out what it is, without getting caught up in the justification of why you’re angry and who hurt you, what your mother always said to you and blah, blah, blah. Just feel the emotion. Anything that helps you to feel that emotion – let it out; that’s great. If it doesn’t help you to do that, it’s not helpful for you at all. You don’t need any justification for being angry. Being angry is justification enough. You have absolute permission to be angry. OK!
That will help you to break out of the cycle of doom, and remember, of the three rules of an anger release, the most important one is: You cannot get angry at yourself, which you’re still doing; you’re bringing it back onto yourself.
Review all of the material (the links are below).I promise you, this is what is happening to you and if you follow these instructions, it will break you out of the cycle of doom. Then you will move right towards being a happy shiny puppy.
I hope I’ve answered your question, and if you found this information valuable, then please consider sharing it with someone who will also benefit from it. If you’d like to join the discussion or you have a question of your own, please leave it in the comments below.
Thanks as always for being here with me, and I will see you next time.