What’s the Purpose of Despair?

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by Melody Fletcher on October 1, 2015

 

Everyone gets down now and then, but what happens if you’re feeling so powerless, that you can’t even see the light? What if you’re in total despair? From an energetic point of view, is there a purpose for despair? Well, yes! Watch today’s video to find out what it is.

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Coaching Call #172 is out. The topic of this week’s call is: How Can She Have A Successful Business As a Shamanic Practitioner?

This caller believes she is starting from scratch again, following her divorce.  She needs to find a job and have money of her own, but what she really wants to do is start a business being a Shamanic Practitioner.  She doesn’t know if she can make it happen, and she doesn’t have the confidence to just go for it and make it the success she wants it to be.

What does she need to do to get herself into alignment with what she wants?  When is the right time to take action and how can she make her dreams a reality?

This call is for you, if you believe you’re starting all over again (well, for anyone really), and you have a dream job in mind, but turning that into your reality is something that you’re struggling with.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Waaza’s Burning Question:

“My question is about the nature and possible (positive) functions of despair. Is despair something given to us by Mother Nature and thus useful in some ways? If yes, which ways?

Here’s some background to my question: I am a biologist and often see human feelings as functions for maintaining life. For example, pain is an alarm to make us aware of physical injury. From a biological perspective, almost everything is “useful”. Fear is an alarm for danger, and maybe depression itself (which I see as the most unbearable suffering of the soul) might actually achieve a survival function as a drive to allow us to finally switch away from some strong but deadly attachments/habits/way of life (because depression drives people to radical changes).

So my question is: what is the nature of despair?”

 

Here’s my answer:

 

 

Transcript

Well Awesome Waaza here’s the thing:  all negative emotions are useful, so you put your finger right on it! There is a purpose for everything and that purpose can be seen in a positive way; it is helpful.

In my book, Deliberate Receiving: Finally, the Universe Makes Some Freakin’ Sense! (shameless plug, I know but I’m going to get it in there!) I go through the whole emotional spectrum and I actually give you a definition for all the emotions. Today I’m actually going to go a little bit further on the nature of despair than I did in the book because there’s only so much you can do in a book. Thank you so much for asking this question and allowing me to go a little bit deeper into this.

The difference between despair and depression

Despair essentially is utter hopelessness and its right there in the depression group which is the lowest group. Depression at its core does serve the purpose that you mentioned. It is so painful for us to be in that state that it’s what I call the Cattle Prod Method of Growth. When something becomes so painful that it feels like being hit with a cattle prod, that you finally have to change direction.

Depression, if I’m going to define depression versus despair (they are very close to each other)… for me depression is more of a passive state, like you’re lying there in the fetal position and letting life just beat up on you, and you’ve given up all hope. Where despair is a little bit more active and this is actually slightly dangerous territory (I don’t mean dangerous in a bad way but it’s the best word that I can find for that at the moment). Despair can become more active out of a sense of absolute desperation and this is where a lot of suicides happen, because we will do anything, we are finally willing to stand up out of that fetal position and we are willing to do just anything, anything at all to lessen the pain. We just want out!

If you are going to look at the positive aspect of that, I want to point out that despair is slightly higher up on the emotional scale than depression, which means at that point you are willing to do something. You don’t need to do something drastic in terms of ending your life or taking a lot of drugs (despair is also where a lot of drug additions and self-medication happens), but you want to do something. The positive of this is that you are starting to move in the right direction on the spectrum; you are starting to move slightly towards empowerment. Despair is slightly more empowering than full on depression where you feel so powerless, you can’t even do anything about it.

The hope in that statement is that if you keep moving up the spectrum, and my book lays out an entire plan for how to do that, if you keep moving up the spectrum, you can get past the despair and then you’ll actually move into anger at some point, which will pull you out of the powerlessness.

Bottom Line

There is hope; there is a light on the horizon; there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you keep moving and recognize that despair is actually feeling a little bit more powerful than where you came from, which is full on depression, that you are moving in the right direction. If you just keep moving, it will better.

I hope I’ve answered your question. If you think this content is valuable, please consider sharing it with somebody who will also benefit from it. If you have any questions or want to join in the discussion, do so by leaving a comment below. I love reading each and every one of them!

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.

Bye!

{ 23 comments }

Just Call Me A. October 1, 2015 at 18:17

Always wondered about this myself.

As for the pic in the beginning, that part should not have been added in the movie, unless to describe the undeniable spiritual connection Luke and Leia had and could not explain it any other way at the time due to the circumstances and their youth, and making Han really jealous, which worked. She would have kissed the Wookie if she could, I think.

Heather October 1, 2015 at 20:36

Thank you for this post. Really, thank you.

I read the book (the amazing amazing book) about a week ago (and everyone reading this comment now who haven’t obtained it yet… for your own benefit, do it now.) I may have mentioned that I had a feeling that it will trigger big shift. And boy, I had no idea… What that book helped me do, finally, was to kick open that barred door in my head, the door that contained all the stuff that kept me from manifesting anything big, the door that I knew was in there but refused to acknowledge because last time I opened that door, I was in a psychiatric ward for nearly two years. So yes, I’ve been scared to even look that way, even though I knew that pretending it isn’t there won’t make it go away.

For the past week I’ve
Cried
Slept (nine-ten hours a night and three per day)
Cried a little more
Wondered if this is just a prelude for something big and ugly
Almost thrown up six times (Believe me, I wish I had, maybe it would have made the pain in my chest disappear)
Slept
Cried

…you get the idea. Just when I was wondering, why in the seven hells I just can’t get angry already, and is this ever going to get better, I saw your post. I’ve actually moved from depression to despair. So this means that I’ve actually raised my vibration on something I had prepared to live my whole life with. And this is all thanks to your book, that finally made the big picture snap into position. And I’m sorry if this message seems weird and stuff, I’m trying to be funny to lighten up the subject but I feel like crap at the moment. This is my best effort at trying to say thank you for the amazing book, and this post that was timed perfectly… as usual.

Sweetish #2 October 2, 2015 at 04:45

Hello Heather, so you’ve moved up the ladder. Well done, congratulate yourself. The more you focus on how good you’re doing the better you will feel. How good is that, you moved up the ladder – good stuff. Keep focusing on moving up, you dont have to be super happy, you just have to feel better.

When I was stuck in despair, I typed http://www.deliberateblog.com/archives and spent hours reading, I also listened to Melody on youtube because she was the only person who gave me peace. I was petrified of life. Just keep saying I am getting better and better. The fact you’re on Melody’s blog AND bought Melody’s book tells me you’re moving faster than you realize.

All’s well.

Heather October 3, 2015 at 08:27

Thank you for your reassuring words! I’m starting to feel that I can finally beat this, it’s not that I’ve been suffering from an overall depression, it’s just there was a lot of stuff (if core beliefs were spiders building webs, this one’s a freakin’ architect) that was blocking my progress, but I left it alone because I was scared I would just get tangled in the web and never get out. But thanks to Melody, this time I had a map. After I had read the book for the first time, I knew it was time. Yes… all’s well <3

Edelweiss October 1, 2015 at 21:39

Thank you Awesome Waaza for a brilliant question. Great explanation of despair!

Cat October 2, 2015 at 00:15

Your hair looks great Melody!

Waaza October 2, 2015 at 00:17

So much thanks for your great answer!

I note that it’s sometimes tricky to move away from despair, which can stay hidden for a long time in someone’s heart. Despair doesnt always arise in the form of a visible and unbearable wave. Sometimes, it oozes in our life in the form of a tiny tiny drop that the mind manages to hide.

When we’ve piled up a stack of beliefs since childhood, we may end up with a resignation we are not even aware of. Maybe we forgot what we’ve given up. And then we live with a drop of thick despair hidden in a resignation that is also hidden (which is probably why my question had that fuzzy mystical and not very understandable second part that you cleverly put away…sorry for the verbiage, Melody!). So, apart of reading this post, I also got a lot of insights by reading this older post you pointed to : “Are You Using The Cattle Prod Method Of Growth?” , and also “How Can I Help My Depressed and Struggling Friend?” (pointed to by the later one).

All this clarity I am beginning to get, seems to me very similar to this process you’ve been talking about in your blog and your book.
Thinking of which.. did you know that Amazon.fr has been broadcasting your book in France since the first day? Of course, I bought it right away!

Thanks for showing the path!

kelli October 2, 2015 at 01:00

Hey Melody
I think the distinction you made between depression and despair was really good and helpful…there definitely is a bit more energy to it and you may feel more spurred into action because of that sense of desperation that can come. You are so right in stating our negative emotions have value…when we can really let that sink in, it is a game changer for sure. I recently had a big release of negative emotion and while it was uncomfortable as hell, and something I hadn’t experienced that intensely in a very long time. But I searched for the wisdom and there was a definite leveling up…I guess we are never done are we?
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Sweetish #2 October 2, 2015 at 04:51

Thank You Melody, I’ve recently manifested the biggest desire I’ve had for years and it happened just like you said it would, when it was no longer a big deal. As a result of this I started doing research into this aspect (letting go) and came across a blog which takes away all the fun in life and tells us to balance and feel whole as opposed to being excited by our passions.

You make it a bit more fun by saying have passions but also let them go and trust the universe will deliver. Is it unrealistic to desire to have a great life with few problems and challenges if that’s what we want? Is it bad to desire shitloads of fun? Will the universe really try and balance out this fun with sickness or undesirables.

I wish I hadn’t manifested that awful blog that took away years of happiness I’ve had reading your blog. I feel like I’ve moved down the ladder today after such success moving to a place closest to my true self.

Melody Fletcher October 2, 2015 at 16:42

Hey Sweetish,

No, it’s not bad to want to have shitloads of fun, and to desire a great and easy life. In fact, the reason you desire all that is because that’s who you really are! That’s essentially what we all want, when we allow ourselves to admit it, and it’s our birthright. We came here to do just that! But… we’ve done an awfully good job of convincing ourselves that these desires are bad; we suppress them; we fear that some dysfunctional, petty and often psychotic God will punish us for them. What a bunch of BS!

Think of it this way: if you look at a small child (and if you’re not a total douche…), and that child wants to play and laugh and have fun, do you want to punish them for that? Are you afraid for them? Do you have the desire to crush that spirit? Some people in this world do (they are really, really afraid), but I don’t think you do. And most readers of my blog are nowhere near that. Most of us here are inspired by that joy and passion and unfettered belief that they (the child) absolutely can and should have fun and ease and play. In fact, they are genuinely shocked if they aren’t allowed to do just that. They expect it! And they should. And so should you.

A belief got triggered by this other blog, that’s all. You’re being challenged to release it. So, look at WHY you chose to believe these bad feeling ideas. Why you didn’t just dismiss them as not for you since they didn’t uplift you. Follow the emotion you felt around the material and see where it leads you. You’re just leveling up my darling, that’s all. No more (and no less).

I hope that helps.

Hugs,

Melody

Sweetish #2 October 7, 2015 at 03:38

Yes I feel great again thanks beautiful lady.

Maybe sometimes I dont dismiss comments that make me feel bad because I’ve always been “realistic” (pessimistic) because that’s what responsible people do, right? I was a worrier as a child but I should have known better since I have the greatest teacher. I must be doing unbelievably well as my reality has gone from a place of dread and fear to a place of absolute magic. I would not have believed it had I not experienced it. I am indebted to you (I know what you’re going to say, I manifested you and so I should be patting myself for that but, no, I acknowledge your amazing mind, words and ability to teach us in the most enjoyable way how to turn our lives around).

According to science, the secret to a happy relationship is being delusionally in love, seems like the same applies to life.

Waaza October 9, 2015 at 09:58

Well, Yes, that helps.

I am more and more aware that we get a lot of understadings by reading the comments on your videos ! (and your answers to the comments also show LOA in action). Thanks!

Hideo Kuze October 5, 2015 at 13:41

Well, I can’t top what Melody has said in response to your comment, I completely feel like a garage band taking the stage after Iron Maiden, but what you said about balance immediately made me remember the meaning of life as defined by the ancient Egyptians (I think!) so I figured it was kind of relevant to share. Apparently, two questions are asked by way of your final judgement: did you bring joy? And did you find joy?

To me, that’s balance right there: the more passion and fun you have, the more you want to share it with others, it just seems natural and obvious. I can’t think of any good reason why joy must have suffering as an antithesis, when >givingreceiving< joy. Deliberately, no less. ~_^

Hideo Kuze October 5, 2015 at 13:46

*Oops, I don’t know what happened to my dramatic closing statement, and I don’t seem to have the option of editing it… what I was I was trying to say was, ” =giving= joy can be the perfect balance to =receiving= joy.” Or something to that effect, anyway lol.

Suga October 6, 2015 at 13:56

That blog affected me too but it was only temporary.

The blogger seemed to have a wonderful grasp of LOA and she was teaching a technique on how to get what we want faster and that was to take away the passion from our desire, to visualize our desires as ordinary, expected, almost to the point of dull and average which may actually work but doesn’t seem like much fun (and boy do us sisters like fun).

She went on to say that when you receive that desire, expect reality to set in too. An example she gave was if you create (receive) that sexy boyfriend who cooks and serves cocktails in nothing but hot abs on show (or is that more Melody’s description lol), expect that he may also cut his toe nails in the kitchen too! Another example was if you receive money, expect to pay taxes, lose loved ones over money disagreements etc.

…………And then this just popped up “if you can create your success, you can create the consequences of that success as well”

Ryan Biddulph October 3, 2015 at 03:22

Hi Melody,

I like it. But I always like your stuff.

Despair is more charged; the real you is feeling these energies to tell you, “YEP, TIME TO LET IT GO”, so you can released. Depression also moves you in the LET IT GO direction but there’s a different energy behind it. That powerless energy which you speak of.

As a guy who has felt – and feels – both at times, I can say that despair is a stronger energy, meaning it’s clearly leading me in a more freeing direction. I love seeing and feeling my energies more these days, instead of reacting to them. Even when I do react I am intending to breathe deeply to watch the show, or the story. Is this easy? Oh hell no. Yet, I am becoming more aware of where I’m headed by feeling despair, and by feeling attachments, which is kinda neat.

When I feel what’s really happening around me, I actually let go what I am feeling, after feeling it. It sounds repetitive but when you’re aware of this stuff it’s really, genuinely true, which again, is kinda neat. Seeing each of our strongest low energy emotions as a stepping stone back to who we really are is hella tough in the moment, as we’re embracing these energies, but honest to goodness it’s a freeing practice. Sitting with despair feels overpowering but in the next moment the despair is powerless. It goes away. It dies. It doesn’t exist anymore. Then, you’ll see your attractive magnet strengthen even more, in that next moment after the despair dies. Hope!

Melody, loving your posts. I love focusing on this blog commenting thing again. I’ve been so dang busy writing a ton of eBooks – including many helpful, quick LOA reads – that I’ve put most of my energy to creating those suckers for months. Now it’s time to create in your comments field. It’s fun, it’s enjoyable, and it’s my pleasure to soak up your wisdom again.

It’s fun to be back :)

Ryan
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Alicia October 5, 2015 at 07:19

Melody elody,
I’ve feeling sad and also feelings of despair. When I lost my job last month, I thought I would be happy but then despair hits me, worry,stress and depression. I would exercise and I would feel good for a few hours. Then i would cry and scream, then get angry. Then I’ve been fighting this court case based on a lie and i get sued lose. And I’m even more discouraged. Bad after bad things start happening. And I begin to get desperate. Even thougt of selling myself for sex or stabbing myself. And it hit me. Its not worth it. So i went back to one of your blog posts that you wrote, 2 years ago. So tonight I wrote a 6 page letter to the universe, saying where I am now, my fears, what I wantnto happenand saying thanks. I’ve been going through so much since the fivebyears in LA. I want a better life and not to struggle anymore. Now my job is to trust.

Thanks,

Melo
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Hideo Kuze October 5, 2015 at 12:30

Hey Alicia, a few days ago I also had an acute rock-bottom moment. I won’t go into detail publicly, but in short, my life has taken off spectacularly in the last few weeks, even more so since I’ve discovered Melody’s site. Then, quite unexpectedly, I became the target of what you might call a sustained and viciously determined hate campaign, and to make a long story short, the person responsible did end up managing to breach my happiness shield.

I was so gutted that I too wrote a letter to the universe, and again, without going into too much detail… it worked. For all intents and purposes, the problem is completely solved.

You sound like you are facing a >lot< of difficulties, and I do not make light of how badly that can mess with your mind. I have been in similarly extreme situations myself, and I am not exaggerating when I say that. But you've made a decision, and for what it's worth, I think that's an amazingly important step. Amelia Earhart once said, "The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." OK, so maybe she ended up disappearing over the Pacific Ocean, but this is still one of my favourite quotations.

I believe in you, Alicia, you genuinely strike me as a person who has what it takes to claw your way up that ladder. Even though I myself am not out of the woods yet either, I am conscious of the universe shifting into a path before me — it feels like an unbroken string of traffic lights turning green in front of me, one after another, at precisely the right moment — and I know everything will be OK soon.

We'll get there in the end, dude. I truly believe we will.

Peace to you, and good juju from Australia! Be safe. ^_^

Hideo Kuze October 5, 2015 at 12:05

Hi Melody, I can’t thank you enough for this post, and others that I am systematically working my way through. You’re so great at answering the big questions, and every time I immerse myself in your words I come away feeling reassured and empowered to get my freq on. ~_^

Seriously, I am so grateful for all the knowledge you share and the inspiration you offer. It must be a wonderful feeling to know you help so many people find happiness. You’re a star!

Lexi October 5, 2015 at 21:01

Hello,

I’m blogging for the first time in hopes to find some help. I have had an extremely hard time with attracting the things I want from the universe. I know and believe in its powers but my life is filled with such sadness and sorrow. I can’t seem to focus on anything else then sadness and sorrow. I try so hard to be positive and to control my feelings but after so much hardship in my life and no moving forward, I feel like I just want to give in. I try to trick myself into not thinking of all the horrible things life has thrown at me. But it only seems to work momentarily and then reality hits again. I know i can’t give up because of my children but honestly i go to bed some nights wishing i wouldn’t wake up.

Karen October 7, 2015 at 23:33

Lexi,
I want to tell you I am sorry. I know how feel in a way, I feel that way a lot too.I truly hope you find something here or in the website that helps you…I feel Melodys’ material is helpful but I have to constantly go over it..But that is how things normally work, would you go to church one Sunday and never go back, work out once and never return to the gym, take one vitamin, dye your hair once?? You get it. I will stop…things that get results are often repetitive…Don’t give up..things will get better, maybe not everything all at once..but something will. Funny thing is I get in a good place and I am all happy and shit during the day-I will focus on the good things and not the bad…..but then I go to sleep and I wake up in the middle of the night 2 or 3 times thinking about the things that are not so good that freak me out but I have no control over…..Do you experience this or anyone else? I take nyquil a lot of nights to get a good nights sleep..

Karen October 7, 2015 at 23:51

Hey Lexi,
Here is an article Melody wrote on Feb 17th, 2011, Are You Stuck in Your Current Reality?, this might help, you can find in in the archives..

Serene October 27, 2015 at 19:53

Melody, loved this ! however, the Emotional scale can be a little different for different individuals.

To me, despair is at the buttom of the scale – along with jealousy. Despair is a very intense, overwhelming negative emotion on a subject. Abraham calls it Specific Negative. Yes you are willing to take action, any action, but from that place, it’s not an inspired action and the results won’t be pleasant.

Depression, on the other hand, feels more like constant sadness/ pessimism, even acceptance of the sore topic. Like in “eh, I have no luck”, or in “eh, I’m not good enough to hold a partner, so I stop trying “. You stopped the struggle. To me, depression feels like going Generally Negative, and that’s an improvement from Specifically Negative.

The next step from depression is find a generally Positive thought, away from the sore topics…Something like Boredom, moving slightly into Optimism.

The scale may differ depending on person. For me, an introvert, constant peace, knowing and a flying feeling while laying down meditating is a higher place than joy/ exuberance. Extroverts would find joy/ happiness the highest, followed by knowing, peace, contentment. I would like to read more articles about the scale.

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