I Know He’s the One! How Can I Attract Him?

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by Melody Fletcher on August 6, 2015

 

Coaching Call #164 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: What Causes Her Passive Aggressive Behavior?

This caller has recognized that she’s a total perfectionist, and when others make a mistake, boy, does she let them know about it!  She’s working on changing her energy but instead of feeling the compassion and tolerance she wanted to, she’s worried about becoming a doormat and has now turned into a passive aggressive person.

This call is overflowing with energy. I go on a big rant about how you can create the reality you want without the bratty behavior and without being aggressive towards others.  We explore how we can get what we want in a fun and easy way - No drama required!!

If you want to learn how to be compassionate, stop being a perfectionist and get the reality you want, this call is for you.

Read the full call summary here.

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I get this question all the time – “I know he’s the one, Melody. How do I get him (or her) to ask me out?!” You’ve met someone who just seems perfect, and yet they won’t ask you out, say yes to your advances, or come into your reality fully. You wonder what’s wrong with you, why they don’t like you that way, or what you could be doing differently to make this person yours. In today’s video, I break down what it means when a person like this shows up in your reality and what to do about it.

Can you make them yours? Watch today’s video and find out!

Awesome Maya’s Burning Question:

“You know how they say we can attract anything with the Law of Attraction? So, how does it work with relationships? The Law of attraction tells us that you can’t control other people or bring them back into your life, but the exception to the rule is you can, if that person is on the same wave-length. So, if someone is really trying to believe and has unwavering faith, our ‘puny little know-it-all minds’, as you put it, could start to be like “Oh but look!! You’re not on the same wavelength! How could this work?” But you KNOW, LIKE KNOOOOW you’re on the same wavelength. How do you really know? Do you just go with gut feeling instinct?”

Here’s my answer…

Transcript

Alright, Awesome Maya.  I’m so glad you’ve asked this question because it’s going to let me kick your butt a little bit!  Here’s the thing: you’re trying to control circumstance; you’re trying to control how to get what you want; and you want to control who shows up.  I get this question all the time from my coaching clients who come to me and say, “I know he’s the one Melody, he’s the one, he’s the guy for me, he’s perfect….”  Then what happens is: he won’t come into their reality, the relationship won’t come together; it just doesn’t happen! Why is that? It’s because he may not be the one, and by you glomming onto him and you deciding he is the one, you’re exactly missing the one.

Here’s what’s happening when you do that

As you raise your vibration, you start to get rid of some negative beliefs and the relationships you have access to just get better and better.  Somebody comes into your life, who is like, the best person that you’ve ever met, the best match you’ve ever had and you think OMG he’s the one! Whenever you desperately (and I’m using the word desperately on purpose), glom onto somebody and decide that they’re the one, your desperation is coming from a place of fear.  Fear that no one else that good, or god-forbid better, is ever going to come into your reality.  If you get rid of that fear, then you can understand that this person is just, “A One.”  They are not necessarily, “The One.”  They’re somebody who’s in your reality right now because they are there to show you things.  If it’s bringing up desperation within you, that’s part of the reason why they’re there.  There are a lot of people who are in your reality only as pre-cursors; they are not yet the ultimate manifestation of what you want, they just look a lot like it.  Yet a lot of the time, they look a lot like it only from one perspective, and if you actually got to know them way, way better, you’d realise that they are not actually who you want.  Often times, people know this but they don’t want to realise it; they go into denial, and say this is the best that they’ve ever found. They are willing to put up with all that other stuff in order to get some of the really good stuff.

You don’t ever have to settle

You don’t ever have to compromise the things that are really important to you.  You get to go for an awesome relationship, and if you’re not quite ready for it, people are going to come into your reality and show you that in various different ways.  For example: you have an awesome guy come into your reality and you tell me that on paper he is awesome; in person he is awesome; everything about him is amazing, but he won’t ask you out.  Perhaps he is an awesome guy, so why is the universe dangling him in front of you?  It’s not because the universe is an asshole; the universe is doing it to show you that you still have some fears. It’s safe as long as he doesn’t ask you out, and if he did, it would actually shut you down with fear.  That’s just an example. I’m not saying that’s what is happening with you specifically.

You say in your question, “But you KNOW, LIKE KNOOOOW you’re on the same wavelength, you know you are a vibrational match.”  You don’t know!  You just don’t know!  You have faith, you change your vibration, you see what happens, and you see who shows up!  You don’t try to hold onto anybody who’s trying to leave your reality, or who isn’t coming in fully.  You let that happen, you trust that you will continue to change your vibration; you continue to level up until you actually get to that awesome relationship. In every case, when somebody is doing this (“I know he’s the one”), they’re selling themselves short, and they’re willing to settle for somebody who is not yet that awesome guy – who they are not yet a match to but they want to be a match to, and are moving towards being a match to.

You don’t have to settle!  If somebody doesn’t come into your reality or somebody doesn’t want to be with you, how is that the perfect person; how is that the perfect guy?  “Oh, he’s perfect; he just doesn’t like me that way!” What?!  Part of your absolute deal breaker should be that he loves and adores you, just as much as you do him.  So, when he walks into the room, and you think he’s the best thing that you’ve ever seen, you have butterflies start in your stomach so bad it takes your breath away, accept nothing less than when you walk in the room, and he sees you, the same thing happens to him. Don’t settle for it being one sided; don’t settle for it being anything less than awesome.

Bottom Line

Keep working on yourself and trust that it will come together. Don’t ever put that responsibility on one particular person who isn’t coming in that way. Consider it a pre-cursor – somebody who has come in to show you that you’re on the right path. They’ve shown you some things that you are already a match to, and some things that you aren’t yet a match to. Things that are not yet present, like him not asking you out or him not wanting to be in that kind of relationship with you, those are the things you don’t want, and where you still have some work to do. Don’t glom onto a specific person and decide that they are the one. Generally when you do that – they’re not!

Hopefully you found my answer helpful. If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would also find it valuable. And if you want to join in the discussion please leave a comment below.

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.

{ 51 comments }

kelli August 6, 2015 at 19:04

Hey Melody
Awesome post that I think will help a lot of people. I especially liked what you said about whoever is showing up is there to show you something..as we align we get situations that help move us closer, and help us clarify and clear out. I also liked what you said about that feeling of getting attached to this person as some sort of fear that this is as good as it is gonna get.

Also, your book arrived yesterday and I started reading it and I love, love, love it so far. Will be sure to leave you a review on Amazon as well!
kelli invites you to read..Podcast Episode #11: How My Misery Made Me a Manifesting MachineMy Profile

Liz August 6, 2015 at 20:22

OMG….today i was thinking about sending you an email. How To let go off my ex husband….
You just gave me the perfect answer. Loa indeed. Thank you.
Puppy hugs, Liz

Sweetish August 7, 2015 at 01:48

Oh oh yes please and how to get closure when nothing gives you closure (even though you don’t want the ex anymore and realize you attracted him during your darkest lowest vibration).

I’ve wasted 3.5 years missing out on the one while I focused on closure from the cold hearted ex. I’m hearing you, get angry, stop being the victim. I’m trying to yell at him (from a distance because he has become very scary and violent) instead of trying to save him from going down the bad boy rabbit hole.

John Hare August 6, 2015 at 20:43

I have not watched the video yet, but I have to comment that I love the “mouse” picture!

Sweetish August 7, 2015 at 01:49

I love the mouse picture too, I’m laughing way too much about it at work.

Saurabh August 6, 2015 at 21:15

Great post again Melody. Thank you for this.
Can you explain the same concept in terms of manifesting money. When I start lining up with more money some pathways open and they deliver some money but they do not seem to be THE ONE path which will give me all the money I want i.e. 30000 dollars p.m.
What should I do. Is it telling me that I am on the right track or is it something else. Please explain. Thank you.

Melody Fletcher August 7, 2015 at 10:37

Got it Saurabh! I’ve added your question to the ones I’ll answer on the blog.

Hugs,

Melody

Abigail August 6, 2015 at 21:51

I loved this. I think if they really are the one than it is just so easy. If both people are on the same wavelength it is just EASY and there is no doubt or struggle. I love what you wrote about how some people are the “preview” of what is really going to come as we continue working on our alignment. I am currently married, but still dream and fantasize about being a better partner within myself and having a partner that I am a better match to. I feel like some pipes are clogged a little where I am unable to let the love flow for my husband. I am thankful that his behavior is a constant reflection of my inner work and I am hopeful that as I continue to work on the love I have in me and my own alignment, it will get better or the universe will put us in two different places and the relationship I have always dreamed of will come into my reality. I’ve already seen some changes happen where we are around each other less due to work schedules, etc. It’s amazing to think, though that sometimes, just visualizing that perfect relationship and feeling those emotions can feel just as good as the real thing probably does. :) . Love the mouse photo, haha!

Sweetish August 7, 2015 at 01:52

Focus on what you love most about your husband to unclog those pipes.
Either you will reconnect better or changes will happen to send someone more of a match to you.

Abigail August 10, 2015 at 04:04

Thank you Sweetish :) xo

Anonymous August 6, 2015 at 23:15

I have a similar question or issue as Abigail. Melody, do you have suggestions for those of us who are married, it’s not bad but knowing he just wasn’t the right one?
How do I gravitate easily out of the marriage in a loving way so I can allow an ideal match to line up with me? I don’t want to hurt my spouse. He loves me. But I want to share my life with a soul mate. I’ve already experienced a pre-cursor and he’s changed me for the better. But he’s married as well. Getting to know him has been the most beautiful experience of my life. I want more of that!!!

Melody Fletcher August 7, 2015 at 10:33

Hey Anonymous,

Does this post help?
Is It Possible To Have A Happy Divorce?

Hugs,

Melody

Anonymous August 8, 2015 at 05:05

Thank you for the reference Melody. I had read that post a few months ago, but I’m stuck on the idea of how am I supposed to visualize or feel to help this manifestation happen? How can I focus on being free from my current marriage, while at the same time focusing on my soul mate or the feelings a soul mate gives me while staring my husband in the face everyday? I’m a part of a religious community that frowns upon divorce. My reputation would be in ruins to divorce for no “good” reason. Again, he’s done nothing wrong. The connection with him just feels empty since at least a year.

It also feels a little “off” to visualize this thing in stages.

Anonymous August 8, 2015 at 05:05

By the way, loved the fart joke. lol

Abigail August 10, 2015 at 04:26

I am so in the same boat as you, Anonymous! I tend to put a lot of visualization on feeling in love and already feeling like I have that relationship, but I am not able to use my spouse as the object of that visualization. There’s just too much resistance. I usually use a made up person in my mind…this guy (who I have never met) that I had a powerful and loving emotional dream about a while ago that is easy to visualize in this scenario. I am trying my best to focus on the great qualities my spouse does have, and it has done wonders on the behavior he now reflects back to me, but I can only get myself to a “friendship like love” with him. It’s still a very deep love, but not the intimate and truly connected love that I feel with this dream manifested guy. Either way, since I started doing this I have been feeling a lot better, and not blaming him anymore for my moments of unalignment. I just don’t want to hurt him either because through this focused work I’ve been doing, he seems to act like he loves and is attracted to me even more! Backfire lol. I can’t help but fantasize that he just meets his own perfect mate so it would be a perfectly mutual separation. I would be so happy for him!
I truly believe we really can have anything we ask for so I guess the key is to just focus on the love part, be patient and let LOA do the rest. If we try to figure out the action part, it really is doing it the hard way. Either the pipes will unclog or things will line up to separate us harmoniously and easily. I would love to manifest more examples of real like scenarios to help give me more hope and trust!

Sweetish August 11, 2015 at 01:52

Sounds like the universe is mirroring back an epically awesome precursor which is mirroring just how close you are to meeting your one of ones. My advice is based on Melody’s articles (not experience) but keep focusing on available men (there may be a limiting belief that the good ones are taken to have attracted a married precursor – remember there are soooo many available men great for you and you only need one!). It sounds to me like you’re almost there. Remember be the Fonz, cool and patient. You don’t have to worry about the how’s of the amicable separation with your husband (if that’s what you want) leave that up to the Big U (LOA is on the job and you dont need to control the how’s). I know we want to protect kind good people like your husbands (who are loving but just not right for you) but your husbands experience is his/their business only and only he can alter his reality by aligning to what he wants.

Melody if my advice is totally off, please let me know and I’ll stop responding. Your book is arriving to my office tomorrow, I’m so excited.

Abigail August 13, 2015 at 05:34

Thank you, Sweetish! Your words are so comforting and I really appreciate it. :) xoxo

Abigail August 31, 2015 at 16:05

I just wanted to follow up on this from a few weeks ago.
I continued with this process on just focusing on love as much as I could even though I wasn’t using my current partner as part of this visualization. (I was using my dream manifested guy who I felt such unconditional love for and zero resistance.). I continued to imagine the feelings of love I had and some days I truly captured that “in love” feeling. I also took time to to focus on my husbands positives aspects and appreciate in him as much as I could even though it was more on a friend level ( way less resistance this way.).
I eventually had this moment of realizing that perhaps the guy I dreamt about last fall “dream guy manifestation” was actually a version of my current husband in his “non-physical” energy form and I felt a strong sense that we agreed to this relationship prior to come into the physical again to teach each other more about unconditional love.
That afternoon when my husband came home from work, we were both in the perfect energy space and finally after what seemed like years of not communicating about our relationship, we did so in such a authentic and calm way. After talking for a while I realized there really were a lot of feelings still there and I had been resisting them out of fear of getting hurt for so long. We agreed to work on some things and spend more time with each other in the evenings after the kids went to bed.
This change has been amazing. Overnight, I feel like my husband has been the best version of himself…so affectionate, calm, patient, and complimentary. I have been more able to allow the love to flow towards me for this precious person. We agreed to focus on our own happiness much more. He is starting to become more open to LoA. I feel like our relationship is loving and strong again and I don’t feel that pain or desperation to get away anymore. I am excited to see where things go and what paths we are lead down and I don’t feel as afraid anymore.
This, to date had been my strongest “personal proof” that LOA really works. I had always been resistant to the idea that Ester/Abe speak of, talking about how every relationship can be beautiful, and that everyone wants their best self to shine, it’s just Ourselves that have to find a way to allow it and to trust that our paths can be temporary, if perceived as unpleasant and we are always on the right path. Being with my husband is absolutely the path of least resistance for us both right now, and I see this as a great opportunity to continue to learn more about how to love unconditionally.
I hope this reply inspires others to be hopeful that things will work out for them too.
Hugs to the rest of the shiny puppies :)

Mercedes August 6, 2015 at 23:45

Melody, you’ve done it again! This is exactly what I needed today!
Thanks so much for being awesome!

Rose August 6, 2015 at 23:53

Love you, Melody. Thank you. Bless you.

Just Call Me A. August 7, 2015 at 00:26

Wow, wonderful vlog! Being open is best. And I love the pic!

Kat August 7, 2015 at 01:14

P.e.r.f.e.c.t Timing! Thank you sooo much!

Sweetish August 7, 2015 at 01:54

This is going to be a really odd question (but hey I’m odd), is this Maya from HUS?

TheSisterhood August 7, 2015 at 02:05

If our precursor is perfect in many ways except there are no sparks in the physical department, what does this mean? How is that a mirror of my thoughts when I attract handsome men regularly. Does it mean I have a limiting belief that men who are perfect intellectually and emotionally can’t be handsome? If so, how do I release that limiting belief? I have evidence in my reality that there are many men who are wonderful and also hot (with yummy great shoulders, delicious biceps, and mouthwatering abs) etc so what gives? Do I feel I’m not worthy of having it all? Do I subconsciously believe it’s one or the other? WTF Melody, why am I so complicated.

Melody Fletcher August 7, 2015 at 10:37

Because you’re human! LOL.
Ok, so I’m guessing the idea of getting together with someone, ACTUALLY getting together with them in real life, not just fantasy, who you think is super hot, probably scares you in some way. It’s nice to think about, but there’s a piece still blocking the actual manifestation of it. the good news is that it can’t be that big, or you wouldn’t already have this evidence. But ask yourself, how does it feel when you ARE attracted to someone, when there are sparks, at least from your side. What feelings come up then? This is what you’ll want to explore.

Hope that helps!

Huge hugs,
Melody

Amulet August 7, 2015 at 03:23

Hello dear happy shiny puppies:

I was wondering if someone can answer a question for me?

How do you get over the frustration/impatience of things not unfolding as fast as they could when there is a certain “age restriction” placed on this thing you want?

I want to be an actress and have successfully used LOA to attract some amazing ‘precursor’ manifestations into my life but have yet to attract that ‘one’ breakthrough role. I’m turning 25 soon ( i know its young) but I can’t help but feel the impatience of wanting things to happen ASAP. It’s weird because it’s not like my family or anyone else is giving me this pressure, i know its all me.

I think it has a lot to do with when I was younger I imagined myself to be at a much different place at age 25 than I am now, and it is really disappointing. I’ve tried to shift beliefs and look at all those older actresses who have made it later in life but can’t help but feel like I’m lying to myself and being delusional. I feel that the younger you are in this industry, the better and younger people will always have the upper hand.

I feel like a failure and I know this impatience is bad for manifesting but I can’t help feel what I feel!

Any help or suggestion is greatly appreciated…thank you!

A

Brian August 8, 2015 at 20:13

”I imagined myself to be at a much different place at age 25 than I am now, and it is really disappointing.”?

When you feel disappointed, that not good feeling lets you know that you are looking at yourself from the perspective of lack, and not from the way Source sees you and your life. You feel disappointed because you are judging where you are, deeming your current conditions as not valid or worth your time. And, whenever you judge where you are, you will always feel impatient to want to be somewhere else you believe you would be happier. This is where the thinking the grass is always greener comes from.

The way to get to where you want to be, is by accepting and appreciating the positive aspects of where you are. Not judging it. Not invalidating it. Accepting it. Appreciating it. Thanking it.?

Be easier with yourself. Be kinder with yourself. Happiness is not dependent on conditions, it is only a byproduct of your thoughts. So, although you do not have control over the conditions in your life, you do have control over your thoughts about the conditions in your life. As you shift your thoughts to better feeling thoughts, you will feel better, without needing to have a condition change first as your reason to allow yourself to have an improved feeling.

”I’ve tried to shift beliefs and look at all those older actresses who have made it later in life but can’t help but feel like I’m lying to myself and being delusional.”??

Then you’re being too specific. When you focus on specifics, and you don’t believe them, go general. It is easier to feel better with general thoughts than specific ones.

It can help you feel good when you focus on what you want and why you want it.

Why do you want to be an actress??

What good feelings do you associate with acting??

Amulet August 10, 2015 at 17:20

Thanks Brian…I know all this stuff but honestly it is too painful to think that what I want may not come by a certain time period…it is painful beyond words and I think I’d rather re-emerge with the non-physical than to let that happen. Thinking about suicide is the path of least resistance for me right now…not acting on it yet, just thinking about it. Everything else feels painful.

Terry August 7, 2015 at 06:05

Hello ha,

I am just going to have you read me…
So far you are doing well.

Edelweiss August 7, 2015 at 11:33

Brilliant article – again – on this subject, but it still doesn’t really answer the issue of what to do if you have fallen for someone in a big and you do know them well (so you know they are not secretly a douche) and you are trying to let go and you just can’t.

I get that, if things are not working out, he is not the one. Check. I get that he is a precursor and showing me where I am vibrating. Check. I get that clinging to the hope of him blocks progress. Check. How do I stop feeling the way I already feel?

Cindy August 7, 2015 at 17:30

I’m not sure if this is helpful, nor do I have a direct answer….but here’s what has helped me in the past, and is sort of helping in the present.

In situations where I can’t stop feeling what I feel, I let go and step into the emotion rather than pushing against it. I figure if I’ve already acknowledged that he/she is not the one (or even A one right now), is a mere shadow of a bigger manifestation, then there’s no danger in embracing the emotion. I acknowledge that there are lots of warm, fuzzy emotions surrounding this person, and I appreciate the intrinsic value in him. It’s actually easier than denying that I have any feelings for him because let’s face it, if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have this problem in the first place.

When I own that emotion, either one of two things occurs: 1) The need to fully be with this person and for him to want to be with me dissipates, or 2) I manifest someone or something that feels kind of like this, thereby eliminating the need for this person to be the conduit for bring me the good-feeling place that I’m after. It’s usually a tiny manifestation since I have a lot of resistance, but at least it’s on the right track. I also remember that my right to feel relief is ALWAYS greater than my need to control this person. Once I’ve exhausted myself by stepping into the emotion, I learn to value the downstream relief feeling more than anything else.

I know it’s easier said than done, and I’m trying to figure it out myself!

Edelweiss August 10, 2015 at 11:19

Thank you for the reply! I did that for a while and it is definitely sometimes a relief, but this has been going on for too long and the person is in my life daily, so not easy. I may try it again, though. As you say, I guess it is best to keep trying everything until you feel some relief, even if only temporary. I do hope we figure it out.

Sweetish August 11, 2015 at 02:20

The more you think about this person the more the neurons in your brain will make connections and the more you will think about this person and it will go on and on and on (I just released a “bad boy” after this cycle for 3 and half years).

Sometimes when we are bored in life, we avoid reality by focusing on someone that’s pleasing short term but long term it’s not so pleasing because we end up hooked on thinking about someone we can’t have or is not aligned to us (maybe because they are vibrating with a different energy or our higher self knows this person isn’t good for us or they really are not the desire we want but we just can’t see it as humans). All those Disney movies made me desire longing but in real life this longing is heartbreaking.

Find what you don’t like about this person. I had to force myself minute by minute to focus on what I DIDN’T like about him which were his love handles and his curly long hair and to stop focusing on his confidence, leadership and the emotional highs he gave me.

Now the payoff was knowing by doing this, I would release the badboy back into the sea and the hottie would turn up. This morning while training, the most sexiest PT approached me (something that hasn’t happened while I was thinking of the badboy). There is a massive payoff by reducing your desire for him. You can do it, self discipline in the most loving way towards yourself. Remember you dont have to be perfect and that’s OK, some days I would stuff up and have my fantasies of the badboy and then the next day I’d be back onto focussing on what I didn’t like about him. I was afraid I’d attract the bad traits I was focusing on but that didn’t happen at all. It was like a diet from the badboy. It works!

You can release him. I was in love with someone I very much knew I didn’t want to be with in real life. Now that’s effed up. If I can release my douche, you can too. Be kind to yourself. You deserve a hottie PT too.

Michael Australia August 12, 2015 at 10:38

I wish you were alive in 1982 (if you were apologies), I wish the Internet was around then, I wish this site was around then I wish I wish I wish.

I have been doing this behaviour for 40 years or more. Yes I am 50 but it started as a child. I won’t go into things on here, but unrequited love and me are old pals.

I like your technique and what you say. The last person was ultra affectionate and was confused about wanting to be with me or not. I had to leave the job. Worse, I have been invited back part-time and considering it, with the condition that person leaves me alone. That person was the one but I will go with someone else as it is what LOA and everyone else wants.

All I will say is this. I 100% agree with the post and all the comments. I do, that’s my choice, we don’t have to settle etc etc. But I still think we should have a say where we work, who we are partnered with, where we live. But LOA to me is saying no universe knows best. This was discussed in another article on here a couple of years ago, but to me it is true. I am 50. It is too late. I will be sitting in a workplace unhappy as others around me get trips and promotions. I will be with someone I really don’t like faking affection as the one I want to really be with is with someone else. I should have a say in career and relationships, but LOA to me does not allow it.

However, in closing, it is ok to say you can find out what you want by experiencing what you don’t want, but this advice is for anyone under 45 who likely have time. Us on the other end don’t and do have to settle. That’s how I feel. But also the point about fear is interesting. What if ‘the one’ you wanted did ask you out. I’d go oh no. See. Contradiction.

Having said all that, the only way to remedy this is for me to keep working with LOA, so thanks to everyone for addressing this issue.

Tiffany August 12, 2015 at 17:10

After reading your comment, the first thought that came to my mind was, maybe there’s a way that you can get all that you want regardless of age. Like even if you’re 50, it’s not too late and the universe can work things out and manifest something that’s in compatibility with you and your situation, your likes/dislikes, etc (like in Abraham Hick’s teachings about the path of least resistance).

Sweetish August 14, 2015 at 06:06

I was around in the 70′s. I am close to your age and attract men in their 20′s and 30′s. You just have to know your worth, you have to know that you totally rock and offer fun, happiness and a life most girls would love (I can’t begin to tell you how many friends I have that would love a good man and by good I mean fun). You sound like you’re working against LOA. Have a read of what you wrote and change the dialogue in your head, decide that you dont know everything. You dont have all the data the universe has. If you think the universe is going to give you someone to “settle” with then it will OR you could visualize a stunning, fun, happy petite blonde with an hourglass body who adores you. If you lift your vibration by focusing on everything beautiful in this world (even if that is just how pretty your pegs on your clothes line are – yep I did this yesterday) the person who matches that vibration will arrive. Focus on NEW when it comes to relationships, I found by doing that, it clears up all the emotions connected to the past person. Don’t waste anymore time. You’re missing petite blondes trying to get your attention, you can’t see them while you’re focusing on that other woman you work/ed with.

Michael, where in Australia are you from? I’m in Sydney near the Homebush.

Cindy August 14, 2015 at 04:39

Yep, this is exactly what I needed to hear! As much as I love this LOA stuff, sometimes you gotta move away from the whole striving to understand how this works and knowing that the person you’re pining after is not a vibrational match, blah blah blah….and just get down to old-fashioned “focus on his bad traits” techniques. Those were the things that drove you away in the first place, whether or not you were conscious of it, so dwell on those, because only by doing that will you feel the relief of having let him go. Focusing on his good stuff is poison for the soul. You don’t have to be afraid that the universe will forget all the great stuff about him if you refuse to let your mind entertain those thoughts. Your Inner Being KNOWS, even if you don’t articulate what you like and don’t like.

The two of you had to get away from each other for a reason. If that weren’t the case, the universe wouldn’t have orchestrated it. Thinking about only the bad things about him brings you back to that moment of clarity when you decided you two had to get away from each other, all the loving moments and attachments be damned! That’s what you’re really yearning for: clarity. Not the person.

This Abraham talk explains it perfectly.

https://youtu.be/0JZT-E5HyBI

Summer August 7, 2015 at 16:56

Yeah don’t ever, ever, EVER settle for the pre-cursor. It can be really tough to get out of. I’m realizing now that marriage is not for everyone.
Summer invites you to read..3 Things to Remember When You Want to Give UpMy Profile

Edelweiss August 10, 2015 at 11:33

You are right Summer (and by the way, I always enjoy reading your comments). I want to ask you something though. We can only ever know that something is pre-cursor by looking back. At the time it looks like the real thing (with the information we have at that time). So if you wait for the ‘real thing’ rather than the pre-cursor, you will always wait. So, we never really settle for the pre-cursor, we think it is the real thing until it becomes clear later that we settled. Hope that made sense!

Summer August 10, 2015 at 16:33

Thank you Edelweiss. :)
Yeah that makes perfect sense. It’s easy to realize whether something like a car or a house is a precursor if it doesn’t match exactly what you want. It doesn’t seem to be so easy with choosing someone to marry. Which I’m guessing that’s only because I BELIEVE that it’s difficult to find the ‘real thing’.
Summer invites you to read..Do You Believe You DESERVE to be Happy?My Profile

MoorlandMystic September 14, 2015 at 14:43

you’ve both hit on the question that this post has raised….. how do we know if this is a pre-cursor or someone we should invest our longer term energy into?

I have met a lot of men over a three year period. There is always one element missing from the equation. Always. Some friends say lower my standards!! But I believe that the universe will bring me what I wish for most. So yes I am learning loads about myself and my desires. And regarding each as a pre-cursor. Oddly though, the current man I have met is a truly a-mazing match for me and an unexpected alliance. There are few areas that lack in the match department but not to say I would be settling. Only this time I have trust issues…… and now I am diverting my interest from this man to another who I have been seeing on and off this past year, a man who is illusive and I find myself strongly attracted to and almost obsessing about, presumably because he is unobtainable!!!!

How do we know when we have stopped pealing away the layers to the onion? Do we ever? Melody?

Action Woman August 8, 2015 at 22:30

I had an image come into my mind when I was reading the part about precursors in Melody’ s book. I’m not a maths person but It was like a physics wave; the precursors on the slope going up, the wanted manifestation on the peak and the new desire coming down again, and it continuously going on like that. Physical manifestations morphing in and out of our reality continuously, it’s got rhythm. Pre-courses on the slope…..

April August 11, 2015 at 04:03

Melody, I know this question doesn’t exactly coincide with the post, I mean, I guess it does in a way because it’s LOA related, but I remember you saying in an interview that one of the biggest decisions you’ve ever made in your life was to choose the easy way, but how do you do this? How do you stop worrying that you aren’t “doing enough”, that you can really just allow what you want to come, and it does, even if you aren’t “doing anything” by societal standards? I read the “cattle prod method of growth” and “can I actually manifest postives while thinking negatively?”, but I still often find myself with the fear that I’m not doing enough, and that nothing will happen unless I do. I’ve gotten better at relaxing about the subject, and I know it takes time to release resistance, but this is a tricky one because it touches on the societal belief of life, which has been the most difficult for me to shake. I hope you’ll delve into the “easy way” further in the future and explain how to choose it. :) Any advice in general would be nice as well.

Peter August 12, 2015 at 00:44

great post…

I think a ‘sense of lack’ is at the heart of a lot of heartache and a lot of obsession.

the idea that the prson you are attracted to is “a one” rather than the “the one” is a great concept.
Peter invites you to read..Valuing YourselfMy Profile

Michael Australia August 12, 2015 at 10:42

Lack yes Peter but other things. The amazing thing is, when you begin to not care about the ‘lack’ or other issues sure enough the one or type of person you are attracted to shows up. That’s happened to me.

Terry August 12, 2015 at 01:29

Always love Brian`s Comments !

Michael Australia August 12, 2015 at 13:14

Just a thought: does there really have to be The One? Does that really exist of have we all been brainwashed? I am sort of reflecting on career and relationships tonight and going, perhaps they are just not for me.

Also, I read the replies, thanks to everyone it is starting to make a bit more sense.

Tiffany August 12, 2015 at 16:04

I just want to share my own experience with this, since this is exactly what happened to me.

Around 6 years ago, I’ve met the “perfect” person and I fell in love with her (I’m bi, btw). She’s a great match to me in a whole lot of ways, but yes, there are a few aspects about her as a person that I’m not compatible with (she lives far from me, she doesn’t talk to me unless i talk to her first, etc.) But back then, I was head over heels with her and I was willing to overlook those things because I really liked her. Long story short, it didn’t work out (she friend-zoned me and we didn’t see each other afterwards because I didn’t initiate any contact with her anymore).

At the time, I felt like I had wasted years of my life for falling in love like that. I felt stupid for doing so, and I learned to not assume things when it comes to people giving signals. It came to the point that I promised myself to never like anyone again, unless they liked me first. This experience and contrast fueled my desire and became the precursor to my relationship now.

Fast forward to a few years ago, I met this guy whom I gradually became close to, and I was unaware of this at first, but we were not only compatible in terms of personality, but also with our background. Our work schedule syncs up so we were able to meet a lot more often, and we had a lot of chemistry in other things. People saw this too, and started to ship us, although I didn’t have any feelings for him at that time. It didn’t cross my mind that we’d be together, and if the thought arises, I didn’t pay much attention to it or I’d go “well, I’ll just leave it up to the universe. It may or may not be him, but this is what I’d like for a significant other…” And so one day, he confessed his feelings for me and I accepted them. Perhaps I felt safe enough to be vulnerable that I started to fall in love and eventually loved him back. And now, we’re still happy together.

For me, this is a good example of what Melody was talking about in her video. I think that the key was to not expect or assume anything. I don’t think that in his case, it was one-sided, since I might have subconsciously reciprocated his feelings, but overall, I think we were both a good match to each other.

Paul September 1, 2015 at 23:50

Well, I need to say, woman in this video shares some true knowledge about LOA. Month ago I started raising my vibration and 2 weeks ago by coincidence I meet one amazing women. I thought she was perfect woman for me, I liked very much the way she looked, the way she treat me, and the best part was, she was tottaly interested in me. BUT something didnt worked at the end by my fault :D , I’ve done something really stupid and that woman lost interest in me. I was angry at myself, because I thought that this woman was perfect for me…. and I lost her so simple. I thought I need to see her once again and maybe fix my mistake :) . So I went to see her 2′nd time, and to make long story short, I have realized how bad person she was :P (she was really rude). So right now I’m thanking Universe, that it allowed me to see what kind of woman she was for real, and now I know why it didnt worked out in the first place :) .

LightLine September 4, 2015 at 15:00

Hi Melody,
Thanks for answering all questions. That has motivated me to write a comment here. Also, I love your posts. I have read and tried to follow many LOA blogs. But your’s sound more realistic and easy to follow through emotions (which is usually difficult).
Long story cut short: I am trying to manifest my friend back with whom I had a short time (2 months old) romantic relationship. I acted needy, insecure and snapped. I know this is the cause of his drift but what he said is “I want my time” , “It isn’t you, it’s me” etc. and a lot of things were communicated during this discussion in between where I acted totally against what I want. E.g. Let’s end it! Do you want to put an end to what we have? But I asked these questions when he said “I keep busy a lot don’t wait for my messages”.
Now I know, it all happened because he has made his mind to discontinue (perhaps). This all happened on August 16th. I started NC from 27th.
Since 1st September, I am practicing LOA. I wrote a letter to Universe. Explained why I want him to come back. Practiced visualization like feeling good about past occurrences and then how it’s all happening in present. I slept, woke up next morning and tried to cancel all negative thought came to my mind and started thinking positive again. 2nd sept – out of the blue he appeared in office cafe (I hadn’t seen him in 2 weeks). But he didn’t look at me. I always feel an energy/vibration/goose bumps when he is around, in front of me etc. I get very shakey. That energy makes me fear something (I think the underlying belief is that he would neglect me, he is uncomfortable seeing me there etc.) 3rd Sept: I found your blog, re-wrote the letter in your format, burnt it. Visualized before i went to sleep and kept . I kept trying to shift my feelings to good feelings like he is with me, he is hugging me, we are messaging each other etc. I saw “feathers” white, black, grey in an area where I had never seen feathers. Though I know birds are there. Felt +ve. I also saw his name on a bus, i found numbers 000, 333 while I was on my way back home. On this very day, I had strong desire to send him a message but it didn’t quite feel right. And I asked Universe to show me a strong reason to send him a message. The very day I also tried t one more thins as mentioned somewehere that I can ask universe to deliver my short term request in 48 hours (esquared book). I requested to show me signs that he is also missing me.
4th september: On my Instagram, somebody queried about his contact details because he happens to be a website developer. It was certainly a strong reason for me to send him a message. It was an “inspired action” imo. What I wrote was “Hey, not expecting any revert or continued contact. FYI – so and so enquired and they might contact you. Sent a kissing icon that we always shared with each other, and mentioned that sorry for this icon but I’ll always have an affection for you. Hugs” His response ? Thanks. Smiley.

Last but not the least – there is a girl in our office. I have seen him eyeing on her. Sometimes I feel that they might have started talking, sometmes I try to make myself beloieve it is not the case. I dislike her and i see her face in my mind more than his face. I know i know! Now a days I am trying to say “DELETE” . Helping a bit. I feared going to cafeteria because she would come in front of me. But today I tried to face the fear, i found her crossing my path and I didn’t feel that negative energy. But she did affect me a bit and stayed in my mind for a few seconds.

I would like your insight. What would you suggest? I want this guy’s friendship back, negativity to dissolve, affection and trust for me. Anything to disappear which is keeping us apart. Why him and nobody else because he is a friend as well, i see myself to have an opportunity to behave nicely and win his heat so he confides in me.

Please answer my query. Thank you. :)

Pam September 28, 2015 at 18:58

OMG, yes (and by the way, Melody, you and your new book get a mention in my latest blog post.) Earlier this summer I DID connect with a wonderful man and not only did we have so many things in common, but the mutual attraction and chemistry was so strong and freely expressed from both sides. The problem? He is married. Don’t worry — nothing happened, I wouldn’t allow it to happen and after six weeks of corresponding with and talking on the phone to him, his wife got access to his laptop and emails. He said her reaction honestly surprised him as she showed she cared about the marriage then he thought, and he said he had to end all contact with me and work on his marriage.

Which is exactly how I kinda knew it would eventually end up. The whole time I was friends with him in the back of my mind the fact that he was unavailable really niggled at me and didn’t allow me the freedom to meet up with him and truly experience a fulfilling romantic relationship.

In the weeks since this happened (the end of July) I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself, uncovering beliefs that no longer serve me (many I’ve heard from other women through the years, such as all of the good ones are taken.) I was able to flip my belief that “all of the good ones are taken” by reasoning that there are some BAD ones that are unavailable, too! There are lots of people, both men and women, that are in unhappy relationships or have no business being married or in a relationship. And that new people do become available every day. In any given day, people are getting their divorces finalized or breaking up with somebody that wasn’t right for them.

I also do an exercise where I go through Match.com, look through profiles that pique my interest, and affirm that there are divorced and single men in my age range with characteristics that I like and find positive that exist out there.

Another belief that I am working on getting rid of is the false one that *I* am unavailable, which is most likely why I attracted someone who is unavailable. Because for the longest time, being out of work and living at home, was making me think that I was unappealing to men despite everything I have to offer and I felt like I had to put my dating life on hold because of it. This guy from earlier in the summer didn’t have a problem with it, so that means other guys don’t have a problem with it. And my situation is not permanent.

Anyways, I loved everything about this guy other than the fact he wasn’t available, so I am working on creating the vibration of being with someone like him but actually single/divorced and free to date me. I still consider it a manifestation success, but just need to clean up my vibration more.
Pam invites you to read..Rejoice, Single Ladies: The “Old Maid” Term Is DeadMy Profile

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