Coaching Call #164 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: What Causes Her Passive Aggressive Behavior?
This caller has recognized that she’s a total perfectionist, and when others make a mistake, boy, does she let them know about it! She’s working on changing her energy but instead of feeling the compassion and tolerance she wanted to, she’s worried about becoming a doormat and has now turned into a passive aggressive person.
This call is overflowing with energy. I go on a big rant about how you can create the reality you want without the bratty behavior and without being aggressive towards others. We explore how we can get what we want in a fun and easy way - No drama required!!
If you want to learn how to be compassionate, stop being a perfectionist and get the reality you want, this call is for you.
I get this question all the time – “I know he’s the one, Melody. How do I get him (or her) to ask me out?!” You’ve met someone who just seems perfect, and yet they won’t ask you out, say yes to your advances, or come into your reality fully. You wonder what’s wrong with you, why they don’t like you that way, or what you could be doing differently to make this person yours. In today’s video, I break down what it means when a person like this shows up in your reality and what to do about it.
Can you make them yours? Watch today’s video and find out!
Awesome Maya’s Burning Question:
“You know how they say we can attract anything with the Law of Attraction? So, how does it work with relationships? The Law of attraction tells us that you can’t control other people or bring them back into your life, but the exception to the rule is you can, if that person is on the same wave-length. So, if someone is really trying to believe and has unwavering faith, our ‘puny little know-it-all minds’, as you put it, could start to be like “Oh but look!! You’re not on the same wavelength! How could this work?” But you KNOW, LIKE KNOOOOW you’re on the same wavelength. How do you really know? Do you just go with gut feeling instinct?”
Here’s my answer…
Alright, Awesome Maya. I’m so glad you’ve asked this question because it’s going to let me kick your butt a little bit! Here’s the thing: you’re trying to control circumstance; you’re trying to control how to get what you want; and you want to control who shows up. I get this question all the time from my coaching clients who come to me and say, “I know he’s the one Melody, he’s the one, he’s the guy for me, he’s perfect….” Then what happens is: he won’t come into their reality, the relationship won’t come together; it just doesn’t happen! Why is that? It’s because he may not be the one, and by you glomming onto him and you deciding he is the one, you’re exactly missing the one.
Here’s what’s happening when you do that
As you raise your vibration, you start to get rid of some negative beliefs and the relationships you have access to just get better and better. Somebody comes into your life, who is like, the best person that you’ve ever met, the best match you’ve ever had and you think OMG he’s the one! Whenever you desperately (and I’m using the word desperately on purpose), glom onto somebody and decide that they’re the one, your desperation is coming from a place of fear. Fear that no one else that good, or god-forbid better, is ever going to come into your reality. If you get rid of that fear, then you can understand that this person is just, “A One.” They are not necessarily, “The One.” They’re somebody who’s in your reality right now because they are there to show you things. If it’s bringing up desperation within you, that’s part of the reason why they’re there. There are a lot of people who are in your reality only as pre-cursors; they are not yet the ultimate manifestation of what you want, they just look a lot like it. Yet a lot of the time, they look a lot like it only from one perspective, and if you actually got to know them way, way better, you’d realise that they are not actually who you want. Often times, people know this but they don’t want to realise it; they go into denial, and say this is the best that they’ve ever found. They are willing to put up with all that other stuff in order to get some of the really good stuff.
You don’t ever have to settle
You don’t ever have to compromise the things that are really important to you. You get to go for an awesome relationship, and if you’re not quite ready for it, people are going to come into your reality and show you that in various different ways. For example: you have an awesome guy come into your reality and you tell me that on paper he is awesome; in person he is awesome; everything about him is amazing, but he won’t ask you out. Perhaps he is an awesome guy, so why is the universe dangling him in front of you? It’s not because the universe is an asshole; the universe is doing it to show you that you still have some fears. It’s safe as long as he doesn’t ask you out, and if he did, it would actually shut you down with fear. That’s just an example. I’m not saying that’s what is happening with you specifically.
You say in your question, “But you KNOW, LIKE KNOOOOW you’re on the same wavelength, you know you are a vibrational match.” You don’t know! You just don’t know! You have faith, you change your vibration, you see what happens, and you see who shows up! You don’t try to hold onto anybody who’s trying to leave your reality, or who isn’t coming in fully. You let that happen, you trust that you will continue to change your vibration; you continue to level up until you actually get to that awesome relationship. In every case, when somebody is doing this (“I know he’s the one”), they’re selling themselves short, and they’re willing to settle for somebody who is not yet that awesome guy – who they are not yet a match to but they want to be a match to, and are moving towards being a match to.
You don’t have to settle! If somebody doesn’t come into your reality or somebody doesn’t want to be with you, how is that the perfect person; how is that the perfect guy? “Oh, he’s perfect; he just doesn’t like me that way!” What?! Part of your absolute deal breaker should be that he loves and adores you, just as much as you do him. So, when he walks into the room, and you think he’s the best thing that you’ve ever seen, you have butterflies start in your stomach so bad it takes your breath away, accept nothing less than when you walk in the room, and he sees you, the same thing happens to him. Don’t settle for it being one sided; don’t settle for it being anything less than awesome.
Keep working on yourself and trust that it will come together. Don’t ever put that responsibility on one particular person who isn’t coming in that way. Consider it a pre-cursor – somebody who has come in to show you that you’re on the right path. They’ve shown you some things that you are already a match to, and some things that you aren’t yet a match to. Things that are not yet present, like him not asking you out or him not wanting to be in that kind of relationship with you, those are the things you don’t want, and where you still have some work to do. Don’t glom onto a specific person and decide that they are the one. Generally when you do that – they’re not!
Hopefully you found my answer helpful. If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would also find it valuable. And if you want to join in the discussion please leave a comment below.
Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.