What To Do If Your Family Makes You Feel Powerless

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by Melody Fletcher on July 9, 2015

 

Coaching Call #160 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: She Has A Big Desire But Doesn’t Think She’s Good Enough To Achieve It.

This caller has big, BIG desires.  She wants to play her part in bringing peace to the world.  Her dream is to empower women who’ve been sold into human trafficking, but, she doesn’t always feel she’s good enough to help empower women with this experience. What if she’s not on her true path and what if she’s not good enough to help them?

This is a great call that allows me to demonstrate that we should dream big and to show how feelings of unworthiness can affect both our professional and personal life.

This call is for you if feelings of unworthiness are stopping you from going after your biggest desire.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Dude’s Burning Question:

“I love my family but I don’t like the energy of my family. I find myself very, very different from them. I don’t want to be surrounded by negativity and yet I cannot NOT be there for my family. Ok, I know it is my hologram thus my own energy creating it; if I have to face such negativity that means there is some hidden negativity inside me which is creating it. I need to attract/create their positive version, i.e. I should not be focusing on negative ‘them’. Phew! Melody, Easier said than done.

Focusing on their positive version requires EFFORT. But there should be no effort. Moreover, I find my energy much, much better when I am away from my family. My financial situation doesn’t allow me to live independently of my family and as I mentioned earlier, I can’t not care for my family.

Why should I have to deal with something that I don’t want? Why should something be forced upon me?  This makes me feel powerless. Why can’t I simply have what I want?”

 

Here’s my response:

 

Additional Resources:

Video on Anger

Blog Posts on Anger

Transcript:

Well, awesome Dude, you actually already hinted at the answer in your question: This is making you feel powerless. That’s a vibration that you want to deal with sooner rather than later.  So, this coming up early in life, that’s actually a really good thing.

Feeling powerless

The reason that your family is acting the way that they are, isn’t because you’re not focusing on them positively enough; it’s because they’re holding on to an even stronger version of this powerlessness.  They feel powerless, too, and a much larger degree of it than you.  It feels like they want to pull you down into that powerless pit, while you are trying to do all you can to scramble out into empowerment.  This is actually what you are here to do in this moment of your life.  This is what you are wanting to face in this moment of your life so that you can continue to go down the path that you really want to go down.

You want to clear this powerlessness and although I can tell you to focus positively on your family, and that will certainly start to raise your vibration a little bit, that’s not going to help you right now.  That’s only going to sound really empty to you.  What you want to do is to get really mad at your family; you want to let that anger come out.  Not at them though, you don’t want to vomit your anger all over them; that’s not constructive.  Basically, what’s coming up to be released here is the powerlessness itself, the belief that you think you don’t get to have what you want.  That’s a powerless belief and it is just a belief.  Thinking that things can be forced upon you, that’s a powerless belief, but it is just a belief.

These are the beliefs that you want to let go of.  The easiest way that you’re going to do this, and I feel very strongly that this is going to work beautifully for you, is if you just allow yourself to let this anger come up and flow out.  Again, don’t vomit it all over your family, go and do this by yourself; then you’re going to move through this.

Here’s what I recommend

If you have a place to go where you can be private, be completely alone and feels really safe (you might have to go out into the woods, or a walk in the mountains, or do this when you’re home alone), pretend your family are there and say everything that you’ve ever wanted to say to them.  Say it to the Universe, to God, whoever you want to, but do not get angry with yourself.  Push that anger out, let it all out; cry it out, scream it out, run it out, punch it out (punch a couch cushion so that it doesn’t hurt you or the thing you’re punching), but let it out.  Let it out constructively.

This is going to help you because thinking pretty, pretty thoughts at this stage where you are at, when the powerlessness is coming up, will not feel any better.  It’s just going to feel really empty.  When you’re away from them, you’re not going to feel that pull of theirs as strongly.  It’s going to be like a little vacation that you can use to raise your vibration.  You can use that time to completely ignore the situation if you can, and then just go and have a good time.  It will benefit you greatly, but you can’t ignore this (note: you can ignore it temporarily and deliberately in order to feel better, but you cannot ignore the situation full stop).  You can’t make it go away by saying “No, no, no, I’m just going to think happy, happy thoughts.”  That’s one of those huge misconceptions about how to do this law of attraction work; that we can just think happy, happy thoughts.  If we could just think happy thoughts, we would!  There are a lot of people in the world, in fact, most people in this world who are not in a place where they can function like that.  I promise you, even at this stage of the game where I’m at, if I have some resistance coming up, just thinking happy, happy thoughts doesn’t always work either.  So, if it doesn’t work, then go the other way; you’ve got to dive into it, you’ve got to let those emotions come up – you’ve got to deal with them!  You’ve got to let whatever emotion that comes up, happen.  If it’s pulling you into anger, and it will, because anger is what takes you out of powerlessness, then go with the anger.  Just be really, really angry, but again, do it constructively.

Do check out the video on having a constructive anger release and the blog; I’ve written a lot of blog posts on anger and how to constructively let go of anger, so that you’ll have a successful anger release.  You will feel better, and I promise you this, it will happen fast.  If you’ve had a proper anger release, where you feel exhausted but no longer angry at the end (this can take a while; I’ve seen people have an anger release for 3 hours, or sometimes it only takes a few minutes), but if it’s pent up anger it can take longer – you will feel better. You might feel tired, you might feel exhausted, but you will feel better and you won’t be angry anymore.

Watch what your family does

They will change, they might not completely change, but you will see a change or you will see a difference in how their behavior affects you. You won’t be as bothered by them and their pull will diminish.  Every time another wave of anger comes up, let it out, alone and constructively, but let it out.  You will notice that their pull over you will change.

I have done this with several family members of mine that used to drive me absolutely crazy.   They also brought up a lot of powerlessness within me and I continued to work on issue after issue, letting the emotions come up.  Now I get a completely different version of them.  I no longer need to get a different version of them because they can no longer bother me, and because they no longer can, I get a completely different version of them that is much more positive than it ever used to be.

I know that you can do this, so go and get your anger on! It will help you.

That was my A to your Q.  If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would find it valuable as well. And if you’ve had any kind of issues with your family that have made you feel powerless, join the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.

Bye!

{ 25 comments }

Sharon July 9, 2015 at 11:39

Thanks so much Melody and the person who asked this question! This is exactly what i’m going through right now and this video just came in time! I will experiment it and hope my situation will get better, once again, thank you! Have a lovely day!

kelli July 9, 2015 at 12:36

Hey Melody
Awesome answer. I did a post recently about anger release and people really resonated with it and many said they enjoyed the perspective I gave, which is much like yours…it’s all good, let it out and get some energy opened up.

Family stuff is tough. While I never had any massive resistance as far as people being difficult or whatever, I have felt out of touch vibrationally at times, and I got a strong sense of people just not ‘getting me.’ The more confident I became about my choices the more those relationships changed in various ways. Like you said, there may not be a huge shift but at the very least, the behavior won’t bother them as much. And that’s a huge step in the right direction.
kelli invites you to read..Since I Started Working with Law of Attraction I Just Feel Worse: What the Frack?My Profile

Tiffany Sy July 9, 2015 at 13:50

thank you so much for this! Awesome dude took the words out of my mouth about what I feel about my own family, and I love your answer to that. I never knew that releasing anger (constructively) is a way to make myself feel better. Like Awesome Dude, I thought I should just feel positive and happy but yes, it does require a lot effort and I am not in the place to visualize their better versions either. Your answer is an eye-opener for me and I feel that this can also apply to other people in your life who makes you feel negative emotions . I really appreciate your words of wisdom. Thank you so much!

Sam July 9, 2015 at 14:27

Hey Melody,

What if there is absolutely no place where I feel safe enough to release anger (by shouting, punching pillows etc)? Even when everyone is out of the house, and I am in my bedroom with the door locked and windows closed, I don’t feel safe enough to scream because the neighbours night hear. There have been many past incidents when my mother screamed in anger and the neighbours intervened, causing a big fuss. Going out is also not an option because my country is 99% urban and doesn’t have private, secluded wilderness areas. And of course I don’t want to lose control and wail unprovoked on some random guy in public.

Melody Fletcher July 10, 2015 at 19:24

Hey Sam,

Can you write it out? Journaling can really help here. Whisper angrily? This may sound ridiculous, but you can actually whisper-scream. It still gets the anger out. As a last resort, you can do it all in your head.

Hugs,

Melody

Sam July 11, 2015 at 13:14

Melody,

I figured it out. I listened to your call #099 and realized that it’s sadness – so repressed until I thought it was anger. I’m letting it out bit by bit and noticing some small improvements in my reality already.

Thank you very much!!!

Summer July 12, 2015 at 18:44

Hi Sam!
You could try screaming into a pillow. I have figured out that screaming helps me so much to release anger. It’s one of my “go to’s” now. But sometimes people are home and I can’t just scream bloody murder in front of everyone. So I go to my room, close the door, bury my face into a pillow and scream as loud as I can until I just don’t give a crap anymore. Nobody (not even people inside the house with me) hears me doing it and I feel better instantly. Try that. :)
Summer invites you to read..3 Things to Remember When You Want to Give UpMy Profile

Sam July 13, 2015 at 02:51

Hey Summer,

So far what has worked for me is going into a kind of brainless not-deliberately-thinking mode and letting the emotion come up. It’s giving a bit of relief, and seems to be working.

But yeah, I came across this Taoist story of the wheel maker: http://www.taoism.net/living/2007/200701.htm. Basically the moral is that people who can do a certain thing well, like making wheels or in our case deliberately receiving, have calibrated certain feelings that enable them to do so. When they, like Melody, share how to do so, they can share the mechanics via words. But the subjective feeling has to be individually recreated by each person. Sounds EXACTLY like LOA! So I’m going to follow my feelings-o-meter more.

Amber July 9, 2015 at 14:32

Awesome video (as always) Melody, fits PERFECTLY to my situation and confirms what I already intuitively felt I should do! :)
I do have one question left: what do you do after you’ve had your anger release? Do you then continue to think more positive thoughts about your family? Or do you focus on thoughts that make you feel generally empowered?

Brian July 9, 2015 at 18:13

“Do you then continue to think more positive thoughts about your family?
Or do you focus on thoughts that make you feel generally empowered?”

Which one feels better?

Or, if they both feel good, you can do both.

Just Call Me A. July 9, 2015 at 15:29

Excellent!

NJ July 9, 2015 at 17:17

Remember what Ghandhi said: I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their
dirty feet. Family is no different from any other person you cross path in your life but
its the way that people are conditioned to believe they have to love and be loved by their own family that creates more suffering and unwanted feelings.

what can you do to live on your own? you plan and set a goal and if it means to work more to generate more income, then you start focusing on one thing only and that is that this is a temporary situation and is preparing me for better life ahead and is a test for my self confidence later on when facing intimidating bosses, co-workers, starting your own company, etc.. and so you get busy with working, hobbies, classes, craft, and you will therefore be out of home so many hours and when you come back you will get better and better in handling the relative you have to live with.

So you really need to see that who you are and all that you desire in life to have, starts with you being a person that is calm, firm, nice and practices kindness and peace instead of being right with people that for the time being you need to live with in their home. that doesn’t mean become a push over! but see yourself as a guest and act like it.
If it was your home and you had a guest, How would you have liked them to act?

Hope this will help you to focus on great things that will soon bring you , your very own place and all the freedom you want.

Rose July 10, 2015 at 01:53

Thank you Melody. i love the way you explain things.

Nicole July 10, 2015 at 03:21

Hi Melody thanks for this post it really was perfect timing for me. Last night I had some anger and frustration come up AGAIN about my family. To be honest I am so tired of dealing with these issues relating to my family. They seem to be able to push all the right buttons. I have come so far and yet it seems just as I get to the finish line more arises. This in turn peeves me. They are extremely manipulative and I seem to be the person to turn to in crisis even when I do not want to be. And trust me they live in crisis.I have moved from being completely involved in their life to basically now wanting to set myself free. A huge move on my behalf for feeling responsible for them to now knowing that I am only responsible for myself. This blog was a timely reminder as I was just wondering if I vent and say my piece to them. Which I have done before and also mainly falls on deaf ears. I was unable to express anger as a child so this is an issue for me. It is much better now but sometimes it still comes out in the wrong way.

Cheers Nicole

Nat July 10, 2015 at 14:22

Thank you Melody! Exactly the reminder I need at the moment. I’ve done this anger-release several times in the past and it left me feeling so much better. And then things that bothered me disappeared just like that! The world without is truly the reflection of the world within. ;)

Ena July 10, 2015 at 17:36

This is the first time I leave a comment here, but have been reading Deliberate Receiving for more than a year, and I need to say I love it!

The topic is very ‘present’ in my life at this moment, since, after my last relationship ended and I lost my job, I was obliged to move back in with my parents..

I ‘work’ daily on my vibration and my dream, but really it’s hard to keep the momentum going with mostly negative parents and other people around..

I’ve been following my curiosity and excitement ‘bread crumbs’ religiously for the last year, and it lead me to start a blog and a site, but, as I said, sometimes I just suddenly burst into tears, because I feel powerless without a place on my own and financial freedom..

Aurore July 17, 2015 at 13:20

Hi Ena, I have been in exactly the same position that you are in. When we raise our vibration, what doesn’t serve us anymore starts to be removed from our environment (your ‘losses’ as you call them, or are they a gain?). Family, however, can take some extra work as we are so very attached to them. If you can see this as an opportunity to finally ‘deal with’ your negative feelings towards family members, and work directly on them, you could actually make a massive shift in your vibration. Thats what I did and now I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents, and I live the life I personally always wanted. It took effort on my part but it was so worth it. As the wonderful Melody says, allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, don’t stop it, just let it all out (get out of your own way) and continue to follow your excitement, without concerning yourself with the ‘how’ – then what you need, to get where you want (providing it is in your best interests), will be presented to you in no time. Best of luck! Ps get used to being one of the few positive people in your immediate vicinity :-) – until everyone catches up with you that is.

Emily July 11, 2015 at 20:31

Love how much sense you make!!!! Thanks for answering this question!??

Linas July 12, 2015 at 14:55

Hey, very good article. Try to not overcomplicate things with law of attraction, remember law attraction is a LAW:) the same like law of gravity it’s just exists. When you understand that the only thing that matters is what kind of fuel you put in this law of attraction MACHINE. And the fuel in this case is your feelings. When communicating with your family if you feel negativity guess what you will get? Yes, you guest it right – more negativity. So another time when you will be talking to your family or just being around them be positive yourself first FEEL positive and you different side of your family too:) Check this article out for more LAWOFATTRACTIONTIPS I think you will like it:) : http://uselawofattractiontips.com/2015/07/12/law-of-attraction-tips/

Katie July 14, 2015 at 04:41

I’ve heard this from you before, and I love hearing it again. Such great reminders of your awesome perspective. :)

Ena July 17, 2015 at 13:32

Aurore,

Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I’m sending you big puppy hugs!
And to the rest of you also!
Ena invites you to read..LOA TECHNIQUESMy Profile

Aurore July 17, 2015 at 14:58

It is my absolute pleasure ????. I found the wonderful Melody after many years of personal spiritual development – and as Melody says, she finally made everything make sense. And now I am paying it forward however I can. Massive, BIG thanks to the amazing Melody! Fame (if that’s what she wants :-) ) is just around the corner for her x

Aurore July 17, 2015 at 15:00

That was supposed to be a smiley face, not a bunch of question marks ha ha ha ha

Love July 21, 2015 at 15:30

Hey Melody, thanks for the awesome reply.
Well I’m going through a similar situation. I’m from India and come from a very conservative family. I realised way long back that my family and I are poles apart even when I love them a lot. It’s impossible to stay with them due to constant restrictions on me. They also take all my life decisions with I hate. I want to move out of the country and get a job abroad. I applied for jobs but never heard anything back maybe because that was from a desperate place. I want to live my life on my terms. How do I achieve it. I wrote you several emails in the past but always got an automated response.
Love appreciate a reply

Amanda July 22, 2015 at 12:09

Love, love, love this post! I usually do love your posts, but this one even made me realize I had to acknowledge how much I appreciate your insights, knowledge, and guidance.
This message is so spot on for me right now. From the title I didn’t think it would be, but as I listened I realized that my situation right now with my partner boils down to my feeling powerless and that needs dealing with.
I love the acknowledgement that just thinking happy thoughts is not only hard because it does lead me to feeling empty (which I have been questioning why that is so…until this post), but also trying to just think happy thoughts right now is not the most effective path.
This is making sense!! Love it! Thank you for all you do!

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