How To Figure Out What You Want

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by Melody Fletcher on July 2, 2015

 

Coaching Call #159 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: She Wants To Manifest A Marriage Proposal From Her Boyfriend.

This caller wants her boyfriend to propose so that she can start living her life.  They are happy together but she believes if he proposes then she’ll experience more happiness.  She loves the idea of sharing a home with him, and children one day, but NOT without the wedding day first.

Will being married make her any happier than she is right now?  What if he never proposes; will she decide the great relationship she has with him is not for her anymore? Does she really have to wait to be married before she can start living her life?

This call is for you if you want to know what being committed to someone is really all about and you’ve put your life on hold while you wait for someone to pop the question. 

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Dani’s Burning Question is:

“Is it possible to not know what you want? Sometimes I feel like I know what I want and other times I just don’t. For example, sometimes I smile when I imagine being happily married and other times the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped. Sometimes I think I want the feeling of freedom but other times I feel like saying I “want to be free” isn’t specific enough or it’s not exactly what I want. Also I can’t decide if I want to go to University or just find a good job in my country. I don’t feel inspired to any action.

How do I know what I want or should I just focus on feeling good?”

Here’s my answer:

Transcript

Well awesome Dani, you kind of answered your own question, in a general way.  Yes, you should just focus on feeling good because that will start to line things up, but I’m guessing you’ve done quite a bit of that and now its brought up a few issues that need to be cleaned up.  So, let’s talk our way through them for just a moment.

How to line up your energy and take inspired action

As you start to feel good, it’s easy to think, “I’m just going to feel good and then I’ll be inspired to action.”  All us Law of Attraction teachers, we tend to be guilty of saying that, but that’s really the short version.  The path is rarely ever that straight.  Usually what happens is, we start to raise our vibration and then issues come about that need to be cleaned up.  That’s going to happen before you’re ever inspired to any action.  Action comes at the end of this progression not immediately.  The first thing that happens is your emotions come up, and then thoughts, memories and ideas come in. Synchronicities follow that and finally physical manifestations come in, including action.  You’re a bit farther away from action at this point, which is why you don’t actually feel inspired to do anything.

Feeling good and visualizing what you want

When you’re focusing on the idea of being married, go and do something that feels good, raise your vibration doing whatever makes you feel better.  Whatever activities you want; go play with a puppy, go watch a funny movie or go for a walk in nature, for example.  Get yourself feeling good and then point yourself in the direction of marriage, visualize being married.  You’ll notice a lot of times it will feel really, really good when you feel like you’re happily married.  But then something happens that brings in this feeling of being trapped.  It might not happen every time but it happens; it comes up and it wants to be looked at.  There’s some assumption or fear that you have about getting married that’s saying, “I’m going to be trapped.”  For example, you might visualize yourself being married and when you give your mind and vibration free rein you’ll notice a situation that you don’t like when creating this visualization. This is what’s happening when you do that.

You might notice that your husband is kind of controlling or judgy.  Maybe you love to dance for example and he doesn’t like to dance.   So, you want to go dancing with your girlfriends, but he doesn’t really want you to because he doesn’t trust you, or he doesn’t think that’s right.  That would make you feel trapped, so you then want to change that and say, “I’m going to visualize deliberately now and not give it free rein anymore.  I’m going to deliberately visualize myself being with someone who has no problem with me going out with my girlfriends for a night of dancing.   He has no problem with that because he trusts me.  In fact he has he’s own life where he gets to do fun things with his buddies as well.  We don’t have to be joined at the hip 24/7.”

Or you may also want to see him going out dancing with you because he loves to dance.  You want to take that controlling feature out, that’s making you feel trapped.  These are just examples; you have to figure out what’s coming up for you as you sit with that feeling of being trapped.  Don’t just try to push it aside, let it come up and engage with it.  It’s come up for a reason and it’s probably because of all the successful work you’ve been doing already.

As far as you going to University, or not, that’s not a decision you need to make and it’s certainly not a decision you need to make with pure logic.  What you want to do again is: Go and get yourself into a higher vibration, approach all of this work by first getting yourself into a higher vibration, getting yourself into a better feeling space.

What do you really want?

Imagine going to University and see how that actually feels.  Does it feel really good to you, does it feel exciting, does it feel like an adventure?  Or does it feel like something you should do, or you have to do?  Does it feel like something other people have told you, you have to do but you don’t really want to do?  Is it something you’re trying to force yourself to do?  The only way you’ll know that is by sitting with the idea of going to University, seeing what that feels like, and working through the emotions.

Do the same thing about getting a job and you might notice that the idea of getting a job feels way better than going to University because you’re not forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do.  Or maybe it doesn’t feel really good because there’s still some ideas, some assumptions in there, that you’re not going to be able to get a good job or you’re going to have a crappy job.  They’re not going to pay you very well, or it’s going to be too far away, or whatever.

That is something you can clean up with these visualization techniques where you then determine what you want, instead of the things you’re afraid of.  You can get a good job, they can pay you well, and it is something that’s exciting, it is something creative and it’s something that makes your heart sing.  In that case, what you’re doing is cleaning up a situation that you want to manifest but you have some fears about, instead of trying to clean up something that you’re forcing yourself to do but you don’t really want to do.  There’s a huge difference between the two.

If you get stuck, whenever you’re in doubt, take a step back, go and do something that lets you feel really, really good, then more clarity will come.  As you’re doing this work, as you’re feeling better and better, these issues will come up.  You don’t want to try and make a decision and you certainly don’t want to take action at this stage.  You want to feel your way through them because as you do it will become clear, pretty quickly, which option actually feels better.

What do you choose if both options feel good?

If you’ve cleaned up those options and you figure out that they both kind of feel the same, they both feel really clean, both really exciting and you don’t know which one feels better, then it doesn’t matter which one you choose.  Just choose one, flip a coin if you have to, it doesn’t really matter.  Then dedicate yourself fully to it, don’t second guess it, don’t doubt it, say to yourself, “This is the choice I’m going with, this is what I’m choosing and it doesn’t really matter because both feel the same.”  There’s no way you can do that though, until you’ve sat with both options and felt your way through them and figured out what’s really going on.

That was my A to your Q.  If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would find it valuable as well. And if you want to join in the discussion on this topic, please leave a comment below.

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.

Bye!
 

{ 24 comments }

Bibi July 2, 2015 at 14:19

AWESOME Melody!
I was sitting with this question also. Feeling stuck don’t know what job Id like to do, don’t know what I want etc..

Thank you!!

Graciela July 2, 2015 at 14:38

U r amazing, Melody ????

Melanie July 2, 2015 at 14:58

Great post! I’ve noticed that the more aligned and “feeling good” I am the less I feel the need to figure things out and have the right answer. Thinking about what I want rather than what I have to “do” takes the pressure off. That has served me well career-wise: I’ve been ambitious and self-directed enough, but I’ve also let go of a lot of outcomes and expectations, and my career has taken wonderful twists and turns that I could have never imagined if I’d tried to force the situation.

It might also help to ask yourself, “What does the idea of marriage represent to me?” That will bring up some good things to focus on and also some limiting beliefs and resistance. Same thing with a job–it might mean more money to someone and at the same time it might also mean a long commute or working long hours, which is unwanted. It’s good for that stuff to come up. Otherwise it would forver block us from living our dreams.

Looking forward to more posts from you, Melody, and of course your book!!
Melanie invites you to read..Loving Your Body, Pain and AllMy Profile

Melanie July 2, 2015 at 14:59

Ugh, *forever* block us from living our dreams, not “forver”. That’s what happens when I don’t have enough caffeine.

kelli July 2, 2015 at 15:07

Hey Melody
Excellent post and this was something I was just talking about with a friend not a few minutes ago. She recently made some big changes and some doubts were coming up and she felt so confused and not sure what she even really wanted. She started experiencing what you are talking about here with the crap coming up that needs to be dealt with before we can move forward more smoothly. I let her know that is what it was and she was very relieved. Knowing this is part of the path can bring great relief because like you said…a lot of stuff can come up before that inspired action that really leads to something awesome, but it’s all just par for the course and all good!
kelli invites you to read..Law of Attraction: How to Stop Hating All the Stuff You Hate in Your Current RealityMy Profile

Ruchi July 2, 2015 at 15:37

First of all thank you Melody as always. I am also in similar situation, where I am not able to decide what to do. I am kind of having running between getting married and finding a job but in actually finding something i love to do. But due to my last job experience I have got fears in me, some are like I am not talented, experienced to do anything but there is a part of me which has utter ‘knowing’, I am very capable but my mind just shuts me down with fears. And when i think of marriage, I don’t really know if its possible(I know u would want to scream at me for this haha) because I recently had my marriage being called off, well I got clarity why it happened but my parents are not in very much favor of me finding a guy for myself. So here I limit myself thinking let some time pass and my parents forget this current situation(Although i know nothing is matter of time but matter of alignment)
how can I just shift my energy to find a good job because that’s what i see as path of least resistance, as I stay with my parents and everyday I get lectures to find job and i don’t wanna take action out of fear. So is there a way I can just remove my fears and get inspired to take action for job. improve my relation with my parents so they can understand and support me.
I was listening to your interview with Mohamed Tohami, and you mentioned shifting energy in two hours, can you link that blog here.

Rose July 2, 2015 at 16:22

You are the best thing that happened to the universe, Melody. I loveeeee you, thank you so very much.

Summer July 2, 2015 at 16:46

I remember this all too well. When I first started this journey I had no clue what I wanted to do. First I thought I wanted to have a blog like this and help people in this way. Then that started feeling “not right”. Then I thought I wanted to be an author and write a sci-fi book. That was fun. I got one book finished (it was a planned trilogy – and who knows, I might pick that back up one day – or sell the idea. I don’t know yet.) but then after a year of that….something started feeling off.

So I finally sat down and really…..REALLY started thinking about what I really want. I realized that I LOVE to be active. I love moving around and I actually love to work out. I LOVE the rush you feel after a super intense workout. I love being around people face to face. Neither the blog, nor being an author met those requirements. Then out of the blue a couple of months ago, it hit me like a ton of bricks! Personal trainer!!!!! I’d get to be active, they make a good living, I’d get to help people with one of the biggest epidemics plaguing this country and I get to help men and women to stop shaming their bodies, I’d be my own boss, set my own hours! PERFECT! :)

Now every step to that path is just sort of magically laying itself out in front of me (the other two things I wanted to do were NOT going smoothly and it felt like I was forcing it).

I still have a few resistances that I am aware of now and I’m actively clearing, but now I know what I want to do and it is the best feeling in the world! Good luck Dani! And don’t force it. It will hit you at the perfect time! :)
Summer invites you to read..3 Things to Remember When You Want to Give UpMy Profile

Just Call Me A. July 2, 2015 at 16:52

Awesome!

Heather July 2, 2015 at 21:51

I swear, the last three or four posts have been so conveniently timed that I really must be on the right channel for a change :)

But this one got me thinking… (warning: looong comment ahead…) See, over a year before I knew anything about LOA, me and my husband were in Greece, living in a tiny tiny apartment with no sheets, towels, we were out of money, couldn’t afford to buy food or toilet paper or anything, and I was pregnant, no money to even see a doctor. And in the midst of the deepest desperation, completely out of the blue I suddenly got very determined: it is possible to win the lottery with the power of my mind. I was incredibly homesick, thousands of kilometers away from anything remotely familiar, hungry and tired, and I just wanted buttloads of money so I could go back home, pay all our debts and buy a house and never be hungry again. It was almost a year later, when my husband was working on the Canary Islands, that I accidentally stumbled upon the Secret. I got even more determined; it’s true! It’s actually possible! I started visualizing like crazy, with a lot of resistance, with pretty much no idea what I was doing, my understanding of LOA coming only from the Secret movie. Eight months later I was hit by a truck on a crosswalk. And the funny thing is, I only recently realized the whole cause and effect thingy going on, even though at the time I knew that the things were somehow connected. I wanted to rest without having to worry about money; check. I spent two weeks on a hospital bed, talk about resting! I wanted a dramatic change; check. I was thinking in the emergency: “Finally something unexpected happened!” I wanted a lot of money; check. Because it was solely the driver’s fault, the insurance was ordered to pay me compensation. The funniest thing is – the doctor who explained the extent of damage to me, said “the chances of surviving a crash like this is around the same percentage as winning the lottery”.

But the funny thing about figuring out what I really want. There are several things that would seem so much more logical for me to want than some freakin’ lottery jackpot. Many times I’ve actually forced myself to focus on other things, such as trying to go with a musical career, or I could write, or paint, or get a “real job” as my mother says (currently I’m living off social benefits because I’m taking care of our daughter at home) but I don’t really feel inspired to even think about that stuff. All of the things that I used to find pleasure in have lost all their appeal, and I don’t see myself doing them in the future, either. So I’ve been driving myself crazy with thoughts like “LOA teachers say that you should just focus on the money, not how it comes, besides money doesn’t bring happiness etc.” And I’m also beating myself because I really should know better than to want to win the lottery.

The times I give in to the thoughts about the lottery thing, I feel amazing. The my very own real actual home no’ one could never kick me out of could be weeks away! I wouldn’t have to count every penny anymore! I could buy a car and take my daughter to places! So quite recently I decided to go with it, I don’t really care anymore if I’ll ever get that house or if I’ll be living off social benefits for the rest of my life. The only thing that matters is that the visualizations feel amazing, I can literally feel the vibrations in my body. Perhaps, if I just go with it, it will maybe later change into something that has something to do with the things I used to enjoy, or maybe something else entirely. Time will tell. For now, it just feels good to think about it, that’s all I care about. But what’s interesting – after the day I just decided to go with the flow and constantly entertain myself with daydreaming, I had a dream where a wounded baby changed into a golden dolphin that struck down the tyrant queen dominating my home. So there’s something to it, even if winning the lottery is the oldest cliché of LOA…

Sorry for the superlong comment. This is the reason why I rarely comment even though I read every single blog post :) But if anyone has any thoughts concerning my strange situation, I would gladly welcome them… for the most part, I’ve been thinking why does it feel so good to think about it, when practically every single LOA teacher says that there are a thousand better ways to achieve financial goals. And on logical level, I perfectly understand why. And I should also understand that I might be hit by a truck again. Or a train. But I just can’t help it.

So… Hi, I’m Heather, and I’m using LOA to win the lottery. Though I’m pretending to be really perceptive and self-aware and stuff. Now you all know my dark secret :)

Anonymous July 2, 2015 at 22:25

Hi Heather,
I just wanted to say that I agree with you and know how I feel! I also have some desires that may be looked down upon by LOA teachers, but they feel so good to me! It feels really fun and joyful to think about them, so I do. ;) I think we just have to do what feels best for us, even if others (yes, even those who are more ‘expert’ at this than us) say that we’re doing something wrong or making a mistake. If it feels good for you, trust that feeling and follow it.

Self-trust has been a huge thing for me, learning to trust myself as opposed to following expert advice when it feels off to me. We all have innate knowledge of how to use LOA, we just have to use our intuition and feel our way. I’m sure you have manifested lots of great stuff before even becoming aware of LOA, so all of those things alone show that you are a great manifestor.

April July 3, 2015 at 00:14

I think the lottery makes you feel great because you are associating it with feelings of freedom, peace and ease, so of course it feels good to imagine winning. :) You said that you are no longer interested in doing the things you thought you wanted to do, so perhaps you’ve turned to the idea of winning the lottery because it’s more fathomable to you. It’s a way to see yourself having what you truly want.

When it comes to the LOA teachers, I think the main point they try to make is not to get too attached to winning the lottery in the sense that you feel that that’s the ONLY way that what you want can happen and that it can happen no other way, but you’re already well aware of that.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with winning the lottery. It’s just one of the ways that someone could manifest money. Although I’m into art, I don’t really want to do that for a living. I’m not really interested in working either. I don’t want to go to classes. It’s nice knowing that there are others who feel the same way. Maybe it’s because I’m not ready to take action yet, hence why I’m not being inspired to any, like this posts suggests. Maybe I just don’t really want those things. I’m not sure. I also don’t like being pestered about getting a job from my family and such.

In this post also, Melody suggests thinking about what you want in a way that feels good, feel good in general, etc, and then the rest will fall into place. For a long time, I just had a tendency to focus on how I don’t feel inspired to do anything and on my worries and such, which I think is my main issue. I think it’s time to just start focusing on what I want more so than what I don’t. But that already seems to be what you’re doing, so I’d keep it up and see where it takes me.

Heather July 3, 2015 at 18:22

Thank you Anonymous, April and Lily for your wonderful insights! It seems that both writing the original comment, and especially reading your replies really helped me organize my thoughts on this matter. I completely agree that if what I think and what someone else thinks conflict, I should always go with what I feel is best. This made me also realize the root cause is not really from reading LOA articles, it’s something that has been there earlier, because otherwise this wouldn’t be an issue for me, right? :) On many other things concerning LOA I’ve just discarded the views of others, gone with my ones instead, and succeeded, because I’ve used the methods that are natural for me. The point of studying LOA is not really about learning, but remembering :) And in the end it’s only about what you believe to work, works perfectly for you. There’s nothing more to it. I guess this thing is so important to me that I tend to second-guess myself in every turn.

I also agree with Lily, the accident was a version of the lottery win I was able to manifest with the vibration I had at that time. For a long time I forced myself not to think about what I want because I was sure that I’m simply not good enough to achieve a quantum leap (which is the reason why people are generally discouraged from the dream of winning, as Melody very comprehensively explained in a past post. Of which I really want to say thank you, because it really made me understand lots of things in a completely new way) but lately I’ve been thinking about the saying “If you really want it, it means it’s possible for you”. We wouldn’t be able to come up with dreams we can’t reach. And of course, in the end, it’s not about winning the lottery or even about money. It’s about a dent in my overall vibration (of a disturbance in the Force, if you will…) that wants to fix itself, and the way it manifests is a strong desire to things that represent the situation where the disturbance has been fixed.

Lily, you hit the nail when you mentioned “not worthy”. That’s really the root cause why I haven’t progressed in the matter (part from the accident) I have strong limiting beliefs about being worthless and useless, this is past conditioning caused by my mother, and essentially there’s a part of me that says that “you’re not worth anything good, you don’t deserve to have anything nice to happen to you” and “wanting things for yourself is wrong, you should always put others first, otherwise you’re being selfish”. I’ve made loads of progress with these things already, so I hope someday I have finally cleared them completely. And that’s what I’m really aiming at, not the lottery win, but what it represents. That’s why thinking about it feels so good; it’s a state of being where I’m finally free from the scars of my past.

Brian July 3, 2015 at 23:26

“I have strong limiting beliefs about being worthless…”

To help soften that, instead of saying “strong,” you can use the word “practiced.”

“I have practiced thoughts about feeling unworthy.”

Strong implies it’s powerful, and even rigid, hard to change, whereas calling it practiced gives you the power, since if what you don’t want is practiced, then as you practice what you do want, you will start to feel how you want to feel.

Heather July 7, 2015 at 13:26

Thank you so much Brian!

You are absolutely right; the way how you approach the subject makes all the difference. After I really gave your tip some serious thought, I started to see that I’ve been over-analyzing myself to a corner once again :) I guess it’s my habitual way of thinking that big things are never easy… but by making them difficult, we also make them big ourselves. So it’s time to get back to basics. I’m on the roll again, yay!

Lily July 3, 2015 at 14:22

Hi Heather !

Your story is quite interesting so I felt I needed to write an answer.

I think where you are mistaken is the “what the LOA teachers think you have to do” part. Basically, LOA teachers ALL say that you are the creator of your own reality, which means that you choose what happens to you, good or bad. Actually, they would also tell you that there is no good nor bad, because those two are criteria based upon people’s perspective. So it’s up to you to pick the perspective that suits you better.

So, in your case, you CAN win the lottery, no matter how low the chances are. And actually, by having that accident, I think you wanted to prove yourself something; that you can get anything, even if the chances of having it are so low.
Now, why did it have to be an accident and not the lottery? In my opinion, this was a sign of how “low” your frequency (in general) was, compared to your expectations. Maybe because you think of yourself as “not worthy”, so your subconscious mind leads you to the place at the “perfect” time for an accident. But I also think that you know deep down that this belief of yours is not true. That is why you were able to recover and still have the same dreams of living a good life.
Maybe it’s because you believe that winning the lottery is “wrong” (by thinking of the LOA teachers’ perspective), which prevents you from winning it? Stop giving credit to other people’s beliefs. And ask yourself what would it take you to win the lottery?
This is how Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg or Walt Disney became who they are today. They didn’t ask themselves if other people would think that they are doing a good job. They just had faith in their own path and followed it, no matter the costs.

So have faith and feel good. Your heart beats by itself, you have enough money to feed your family. You have been able to have all these things until now. The best is yet to come, just keep believing in it. And have fun, you have a beautiful life and it will only get better (and not “bitter” ;) ). You choose what experiences you want to live, so choose the best ones.

I hope it helps.

Rose July 3, 2015 at 18:25

Love, love, love the videos!!! Thanks Melody, also can’t wait for the book.

claire July 5, 2015 at 05:27

Awesome post. So much clarity! Love the video format. So efficient. I can concentrate more now. Woohoo!

Mopeychild July 5, 2015 at 08:58

Hi melody!
I was just wondering if there’s a way to get in touch with you cuz my emails don’t get replied to. I’m not complaining! I know your busy and I’m sincerely happy for you!
That was just a genuine questionh. Your blogs helped to come out of depression which went on for a decade. I’m still on meds, but I feel sooooo much better. So, thanks :)
I’m now experimenting with loa for getting my slim body back!

Melody Fletcher July 9, 2015 at 11:25

Hey Mopeychild,

I’m no longer able to answer private emails (I just get way too many). You can always submit a question for a blog post or video through the contact form, or leave a comment here (I read all the comments, I can’t always respond, but I read them all). Also, I’m super behind on emails, so even the people that do get a response from me have to often wait. I’m doing my best to attract a solution to this. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody

maria July 5, 2015 at 23:36

I’ve been dealing with this for a while, and i wonder if theres a way to have both an amazing relationship and still go to school, why do i have yo choose it feels wrong.

Suzanna July 6, 2015 at 22:26

I love your explanation! Someone gave me a book “Start the Adventure to your Perfect Career” or something like that. I started to read it thinking it was like LOA but she was just telling people to do was makes them happy and avoid what doesn’t. When I tried to tell the person that the book was a childish view of things, I couldn’t really explain why. But you did a great job explaining that one has to work through the issues of what they don’t like. I mean, you can’t not pay the bills just because you don’t like bills. I can’t believe that author is a motivational speaker, or claims to be. Anyway, the book is terrible and portrays the author as a manipulator.

Katie July 14, 2015 at 04:00

I love it, Melody!

Kia July 24, 2015 at 02:48

Omg this is exactly what I needed to hear. You’re spectacular at explaining in detail the “how to” part of manifestation and alignment. Thank you so much, you go girl!

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