When Your Loved One Commits Suicide

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by Melody Fletcher on August 28, 2014

 

Coaching Call #115 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: She’s Tired of Men Who Aren’t Available.

This caller’s childhood sweetheart came back into her life. She wanted to be more than just friends, but he wasn’t up for it. Why not? Why did she manifest him in the first place? Listen in as we address some common misconceptions about relationships, how we make them much harder than they need to be, what causes us to manifest partners we aren’t a match to, and learn what to do instead so you can finally attract the partner you want. 

We also talked about how to set boundaries and how raising your standards actually gets you what you truly want. If you have a pattern of attracting the wrong kinds of partners, or are tired of being stuck in the friend zone, this call is for you. 

Read full call summary here.

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We’ve all heard the news by now that Robin Williams, an actor and comedian who was about as universally loved as one can get, took his own life recently. While I don’t want to write specifically about Robin (I didn’t know the man and am not even going to begin to speculate about what he was going through), I have been asked many questions about suicide, in general, and have coached several people through surviving a partner’s suicide (it’s a lot more common than one might think). So, I thought this was a good time to share my perspective on this topic.

Why do people commit suicide?

I want to be clear that I am not talking about people who attempt to commit suicide, as a cry for help (or threaten to commit suicide as a manipulative tactic). I’m in no way diminishing their pain, but there’s a real difference between someone who is crying out in pain, but doesn’t actually want to die, and someone who actually orchestrates their own transition. The two manifestations are profoundly different, in that one represents the actual decision to end of our physical experience and the other doesn’t.

There is no one reason that people end their lives. It’s a profoundly personal experience and there are as many reasons as there are people. It cannot even be said that all suicide is committed in a state of deep despair, although those are the cases that we’ll be focusing on today (this IS the most prevalent reason, but there are exceptions).

What can be said, however, is that no death, not even one that comes by way of suicide, is a mistake. It is never untimely. It is never “too soon”. It is never wrong. Every transition, no matter how it happens, comes in perfect timing, and with the agreement of our higher selves. In that sense, every death is a suicide.

It’s important to note that if someone, in their human form, has decided that they want to die and tries to take their own life before it is their actual time (before their WHOLE being agrees), the attempt will be unsuccessful. They will stop themselves or be stopped by someone. If a person does actually transition (die), they were always going to do so. The suicide was simply the delivery method of the manifestation.

I know this is hard to hear. We like to think of death as a horrible thing, as a failure to live. But it isn’t. It’s no different than deciding to go off to college, or moving to Florida. It’s a new chapter in an infinite existence. Some cultures think of every death as a birth on the “other side”, with a loving family welcoming the newborn spirit into their world. For me, this metaphor isn’t really accurate, because it implies that we are either here or there (we’re actually always there), it does bring a valuable shift in perspective on the whole death thingy.

Is suicide a release from suffering?

This is a question I get quite often – both from those whose loved ones have killed themselves (if it’s a release from suffering, it’s easier to accept) and from people contemplating suicide (sometimes asking for permission to go through with it, which neither I or anyone else can give). And in some sense, I have to say that all death is a release of resistance. But here’s the thing (and the main message of everything I teach): we do not have to die to stop suffering. The belief that we do, however, can keep us in a state of suffering until we die.

Death is also not a result of resistance, as in, if you have too much of it you’ll die. If that were true, anyone sufficiently miserable would croak, while only the happy would stick around. Clearly, that’s not true. Death is not a punishment for failing to be happy.

The idea that someone who has killed himself was in a great deal of pain (which is often the case, to be fair) does help many people make sense of what they consider to be a tragedy. At least they’re in a better place. This same principle applies to those who have died of illness. We can forgive them for leaving if they were having a really bad time while they were here. When there wasn’t any clear suffering, however, or when we don’t judge that suffering to have been sufficient (“what the hell did HE have to be so sad about??”), we suddenly find ourselves at a loss. If only they had sought treatment, had talked to the right therapist, had gotten on the right drugs. Why did this person end their life? Did they not realize that they had so much to live for (from our point of view)? And, more importantly, was there anything WE could have done to prevent this?

Like I said, I’ve had the opportunity to coach several people through the “loss” of a loved one through suicide. As part of that process, the transitioned party (“dead” person) often made contact during our coaching sessions (and no, this no longer freaks me out). So, I’ve had the chance to have a conversation with those who’ve actually gone through this experience first-hand. There’s a few things they’d like us to know:

It’s never your fault

No matter who this person was to you, no matter if you had an argument the day before they left, their suicide was in NO WAY your fault. Not even indirectly. Suicide (as all death) is a profoundly selfish act. It has NOTHING to do with anyone else. Ever. Even if the person claims they are feeling bad because of their partner (in a last ditch attempt at manipulation), it still isn’t about the partner. Ever. This doesn’t mean that you should go around telling people to go ahead and off themselves, or that you have no responsibility for what you say or do (that’s actually the only thing you have responsibility for). But you cannot prevent someone from dying. You can participate in their continuation of life (as in, when you are inspired to step in and stop someone from killing themselves. You are then participating in their manifestation, which was never going to include death), but you cannot control when and if someone dies. Sorry doctors. Not even you.

Again, this is hard for many people to hear. We like to think we can control everything, even death. We like to keep it at bay as long as possible, often in painful ways. But considering that we are all going to die (yep, 100% of us), we don’t seem to be doing so well with that battle. Death comes when the timing is right and it does NOT come UNTIL the timing is right. We can’t stop death from occurring. But we can ruin our lives worrying about it.

If you have a loved one who has committed suicide, do not, even for a second, blame yourself. In the cases I’ve been involved in, this was the first message the departed vehemently wanted to convey: “It’s not your fault. It had nothing to do with you. There was nothing you could’ve done to prevent this.”

They were always going to die

I can’t say this enough: your loved one was always going to die when they did. The fact that it happened by their own hand is kind of irrelevant in terms of their transition. It is relevant only in that it made you feel certain things that a different death wouldn’t have. There is a difference between dying by “accident” and dying by one’s own hand. People react very differently to each. And while another person’s death is never your manifestation (you don’t have that kind of power. No one does. You can’t manifest in their reality), the way you experienced that death is all yours.

Public deaths, such as those of celebrities or those who are widely reported in the news, are always part of a mass manifestation. Again, the crowd did not cause the death, but every person who experienced it manifested that experience for a reason. If you are not a match to that experience, you won’t even hear about it. But if you do participate in a transition, the reaction you had to it is what you want to pay attention to.

They weren’t thinking of you

People often ask me how someone who had children could possibly commit suicide. How could they leave their children and loved ones behind? How could they be so cruel? Here’s the thing: They weren’t thinking about you, I promise. If they had been thinking of you, they couldn’t have gone through with it.

Suicide, and I do have to generalize a bit here, occurs in a kind of bubble. Depression is a self-centered state, in that it draws one inward. It is designed to. Since depression is so often the result of focusing way too much on the outside world and how one can’t control it (and the despair that comes from believing that ones’ own well-being is dependent on that outside, uncontrollable world), depression will cause us to block out that world and focus completely on ourselves, giving us the chance to figure out that the outside world doesn’t matter, doesn’t have nearly as much power over us as we thought it did, and that we do have control over what really matters – ourselves.

When depression spirals into suicide, however, it usually culminates in a moment of what might call clarity – when the outside world cannot be blocked out, won’t leave us alone, or can’t be made not to matter, one might suddenly come to the conclusion that there is only one solution (this is never actually true). In that moment of clarity, that solution will actually bring relief. In this state, the state in which one not only decides to kill oneself but actually goes through with it, there is no room for thoughts of one’s family. In fact, thinking of how one’s death will affect loved ones would make the action of suicide impossible.

Your loved one wasn’t thinking of you, not in the way you might hope they were. You likely weren’t even on their radar in that moment, which is also why those who kill themselves often don’t give much thought to who will find them. This can seem cruel to those left behind, but when you understand that the state of severe depression actually shuts down thoughts of others, it often explains a great deal.

You will get through this and you will be stronger for it

I’ve written a whole post on grieving and helping others through grief. I know, in this work we talk incessantly about feeling better. The part that a lot of people like to gloss over though, is that you have to first acknowledge where you are, how you currently feel. And you are completely entitled to feel the way you do. If you’re in grief, there’s no point in denying it. Just feel what you are feeling. There can be tremendous relief in owning your feelings, which will actually put you on the road to recovery much faster than trying desperately to get happy again. So, don’t try to rush through the grieving process because you think you ought to be happy and shiny.

Your emotions are not wrong. The sadness and anger you’ll be experiencing are completely normal and even helpful. Remember that anger pulls you out of sadness, but only if it’s directed outward (anger directed inward will lead to depression). And yes, you can be angry with the dead. They don’t mind, trust me on that. This is the time to be totally selfish. Surrender to your emotions and you will get through them much faster than if you fight them.

And the day will come when you do actually feel better. You’ll also notice that as a result of your experience, you’ll be stronger. You’ll be more vibrationally steady. You’ll care less about petty shit and more about the big picture. You may have even made a shift large enough to cause a major life change – one more aligned with your passions. When this happens, for God’s sake, don’t feel guilty. You’re not only allowed to go on and thrive after someone has died, it’s kind of stupid not to. Your suffering will not bring the person back (not that they actually went anywhere), and it will not help anyone else. All you can do is either ruin your own life or live it to the fullest. Do you really think that the death of another is sufficient justification to give up your own? Never mind if that’s what they would’ve wanted, is that what YOU want??

Learn to set boundaries

It’s kind of a sad fact, but death and particularly suicide tends to bring out the vultures in certain families. Family and friends whom you haven’t seen in years suddenly drop by (often unannounced) to “help”, bring food, and gawk at the carnage. Now, make no mistake, there will be those who will actually bring you comfort. But if someone is making you uncomfortable in your grief, do not hesitate to tell them to go away (or to fuck off). Even if they mean well, if you don’t want them there that has to take precedence. You do not have to babysit anyone through your grief.

And feel free to enlist a good friend of family member who gets it to help you keep the vultures away (the fuck off shield). Setting these kinds of boundaries will not only feel great (truly, there’s immeasurable relief in telling some needy cousin who insists on making the whole affair about them and their drama to go and do pornographic things to themselves), but you’ll actually feel stronger in the moment.

Do whatever you need to do to feel relief. If that means being alone, eating tons of ice cream and watching old movies that make you cry, so be it. After a while, you may want to spend time with people, but only certain people. Honor that. You do not (ever) have to hang out with anyone out of obligation. The grieving process can actually help us (by giving us permission) to become much more discerning.

They are not gone

And finally, those who have crossed over always want us to know that they are not gone. They really haven’t gone anywhere. They’re still here, having an expanded experience, still very much involved in what we’re doing. And we can connect with them any time we like.

This is no different for those who have transitioned through suicide. They are not being punished, are not suffering as a result of their actions. Again, death was always going to happen when it did (we don’t actually have enough information from our human perspective to make the decision on when to die, and can’t really comprehend that timing fully), so there are no repercussions for having gone out in that way.

There is, however, a recognition that life did not have to be painful. There is no regret on the other side, but there is the strong message that we, those who are currently playing the game, can have so much more fun than we’re having. It’s like this: we all get on the ride. Some of us bitch and complain the whole time, while others throw their hands up in the air and go “Weeeeee!” At some point, the ride is over and we get out. Will we get punished for not choosing to enjoy the ride? No. If one wants to look at it this way, one could say that not having enjoyed the ride was punishment enough. Although, it’s not so much punitive as simple cause and effect. We choose to bitch and complain or focus on what we don’t want, or believe that we have no control but need to, or etc., etc., etc., and therefore we don’t feel the joy we could. The message that those who have departed are shouting at us is most often: “Enjoy the freaking ride already!”

To those who are suicidal

I’d like to end this post on suicide with a message to those who are currently contemplating such an action (or those who work with someone in this position). I know you’re out there, and I know that some of you read my blog. Whether you’re seriously contemplating leaving or are just pondering it as a possibility, this message is for you.

No, death is not a bad thing. And yes, it can be a release from pain. I won’t be so condescending as to lie to you about that. But, you do not need to die to let go of your suffering. In fact, if you are still here, right now, you’re likely not yet ready to die (if you were ready, you’d just die). So, as long as you’re here, you have a reason to be here, and believe me when I say this to you with all sincerity: You have no idea how good your life can get. And yes, I know what I’m talking about.

When I was 15 years old, I tried to kill myself. I wasn’t crying out for help, I really wanted to die. I’d made the decision, I was in that calm space where I felt like I was finally going to be ok. I was going to end the pain. And then, my inner being showed me an image of my mom at my gravesite, grieving for me. I’d already taken the pills. I was already getting sleepy. In that moment, when I was shown the one image that would make me change my mind, I made the decision to keep on living for her (it would be several years before I’d finally decide to live for me). I called my mom and she took me to the hospital where they pumped my stomach.

It did take some time, I won’t lie to you, and it wasn’t easy. My vibration wouldn’t allow anyone to help me, so even when I reached out to teachers, counselors and a psychiatrist, I was turned away. I had a lot of anger to release, anger that I had only ever directed at myself. I started to fight and claw my out of my own personal hell hole. By the time I graduated from high school two years later, I was hopeful about the future. There was still pain, but it wasn’t the same. The despair had lifted. The heaviness was bearable. And it continued to get better. Now, I have a life that I couldn’t have begun to imagine back then. I’m living my purpose. And I promise you, I’m not special. I wasn’t born under a lucky star. I’m just someone who kept on fighting, who kept on going, who wouldn’t give up. That voice inside of me nearly got drowned out, but in my darkest moment, I heard it. It was there for me and continues to be to this day. Just as your inner voice is there for you.

You have no idea the grand purpose you came here for. You are a unique aspect of the divine. NO ONE in the whole Universe is exactly like you, has the perspective that you have to offer, or has the value that you have to give. You are not here to suffer or be in pain. You are not here to learn some lessons, to attune for past lives, or to play in someone else’s game. You are powerful beyond comprehension. You’re like a racehorse that hasn’t been allowed to run. That’s what all that pain is about. And when you figure out that the latch on your cage has been on the inside all along, when you figure out how to release it and burst out of that stall and unleash your full power, you won’t look back. You’ll breathe in life; you’ll devour it; you’ll cherish it; you’ll celebrate it. If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn’t even consider giving up, so don’t.

I’m not telling you not to die. I’m telling you that while you’re here, go ahead and live. And if it helps, when you’re not sure if you can keep going, imagine that I’m there with you, giving you the smooshiest hug of your life, KNOWING with every fiber of my being that you can do this, that you are a Master at this, and helping you to remember your power. Because goddammit when you find it, the world had better watch out.

 

 

{ 35 comments }

Mimi August 29, 2014 at 00:13

Melody i needed this! thank you! i wasn’t contemplating suicide but my vibration was low to a point where i almost got into a car accident(i believe i almost died in that moment) and now, I am in the phase of trying to raise my vibration. But it was hard after that traumatizing experience. I hope you can please help me

Brian August 29, 2014 at 07:03

Hey Mimi,

“i almost got into a car accident (i believe i almost died in that moment)…”

Bashar’s view is interesting. Paraphrased, he has said, “When you wonder, ‘How did I survive that?’… You didn’t!” Ha ha.

You were given the choice to come back and not remember that you died, and so it appears that it was a “close call.”

You didn’t reemerge into non-physical because you still wanted to be here in the physical–there are still experiences you want to have and enjoy. There are still things you want to do in this life, which is why you (on an unconscious level) chose to remain here and continue this life experience.

kelli August 29, 2014 at 00:18

WOW….this post really resonated with me on so many levels. Having someone who has suffered bouts of depression, sometimes pretty deep, I get why people commit suicide. When other people express their disbelief, call people selfish for doing it, and all that other stuff, the one thing I think is ‘you are really lucky if you cannot fathom such an action.’ My work with LOA has really helped me improve my emotional state, and I realize how much it can benefit us in ways besides trying to get ‘stuff’ whether experiences, money or material things.

This made me think of my father–he didn’t commit suicide but he died from cancer when he was only 59 and reading your point about how are death is going to occur at a certain time no matter what, makes it easier to deal with, and I think that is something I have always believed on some level. It is easy to think if he never smoked he would still be here, but he wouldn’t, would he?

Thank you for sharing your story about your own suicide attempt. I am sorry to hear you were in so much pain. I think sharing that will help a lot of people. To see what you have become, the mindset you have developed, and the happiness that shines through in all you say and do, can really inspire people and let them know it is possible for them too.
kelli invites you to read..Law of Attraction: When Your Mind is Being an Uncooperative A-HoleMy Profile

Brian August 29, 2014 at 07:10

Hey kelli,

“It is easy to think if he never smoked he would still be here, but he wouldn’t, would he?”

??It is always a choice.??

He left at the time he wanted to. Even if he was not consciously aware of it while in physical, he choose to reemerge back into non-physical when he was ready, at the perfect time for him, from his broader perspective.?

kelli August 29, 2014 at 09:50

Hi Brian
What you said makes sense. While it is hard to deal with death, seeing it in this way helps me be more accepting of it. I would like to discuss this perspective with my mom, but I’m not sure she would be open to it…perhaps when I catch her in a certain mood and I sense she would like to discuss it.
kelli invites you to read..Law of Attraction: Clearing Up 6 Worries Impeding Your ProgressMy Profile

Brian August 29, 2014 at 19:31

I just thought of something,

Free will does not stop at death.

Natalie August 29, 2014 at 00:23

This is such a beautiful post! I was tearing up at the end!

Amber August 29, 2014 at 00:24

Really nice post! It does get better indeed. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hugs!

shaun August 29, 2014 at 00:26

Beautifully written. I am sitting alone in a dimly lit room late at night yet after reading that i feel quite uplifted. Thanks Melody, great post.

Ally August 29, 2014 at 01:37

Thank you so much for sharing your story Melody. You left the light on for many of us in the dark room that can’t find the exit.

Just Call Me A. August 29, 2014 at 01:54

OMG, writing behind all the tears! Good old Inner Being saves the day all the time. I know what you meant by all of it and it is totally true!

“Enjoy the freaking ride already!”- how can we at times when other people totally suck and you wish they would disappear? What brings those buggers into our reality and why can’t they just disappear? How can we find more people who are like-minded like us? I had to get that out and I know I have to get going and move to a better area. Thank you, this post made my day!!!!!!!!!

BTW, I imagine the call applies to career as well as relationships.

Elena August 29, 2014 at 01:56

Every Friday I call my step mother (she’s older me by 8 years and my dad, her husband, died 2 years ago) and today, on Thursday, I read your post!
She talks about suicide all the time, planning it thoroughly, even thinking that she needs to kill her cat first so the cat won’t suffer… Hm. I do my best to prevent it, but I perfectly understand that we can’t live lives of and for others. Sad thing is that I cannot physically be with her because she lives in Russia and I am in USA.
Thank you for post. As all your posts, it is very helpful and just on time. =0)

Sage August 29, 2014 at 01:57

Sorry, I don’t buy this. If we create our reality, we create 100% of it from our current point of attraction. We are not predetermined to die at a certain point, or logically everything else would have some predetermined aspect to it, hinging from that point. Otherwise it is powerlessness. It would be a huge limitation. Here and no farther. Free will only exists if it is complete, or it is by definition, not free.

I do agree death is not a punishment, but a release the person is choosing on some level, even if it does not seem that way.

Melody Fletcher August 30, 2014 at 15:43

Hey Sage,

Oh dear, I never said that death is predetermined and didn’t mean to imply it. I totally agree that it isn’t. But death is a manifestation and all manifestations happen in perfect timing. And as in all manifestations, trying to make it happen doesn’t work. It has to be a vibrational match. The post I linked to on how we manifest death explains it in much more detail.

Huge hugs,

Melody

Cayli August 29, 2014 at 02:13

Melody,

You mention that we are always able to talk to those who have died; could you write a post expanding on that?

Thank you! :)

PC August 29, 2014 at 02:25

Exquisitely beautiful. Thank you for touching our hearts and spirits.

John August 29, 2014 at 02:35

Such a wonderful post, Melody, and such beautiful descriptive words! Thank you for sharing your story of your own suicide attempt. Like Kelli, I am sorry to hear you were in so much pain, but I am so glad you are here now to offer all of us your happy shiny puppiness, your words of wisdom and your constant upliftment!

John August 29, 2014 at 02:38

And thanks for that wonderful smiling picture of Robin Williams! I know he is feeling exactly that way times 100 now that he is in Nonphysical!

Marie August 29, 2014 at 03:21

All I can is say, this really hit home. My mind is still reeling from actions I almost did, or people I considered good friends, or family, did, even though some of it happened years ago. Thanks for reminding me that life can be good, if only we could allow it. Thank you.

TC August 29, 2014 at 04:14

Thank you Melody, this was beautiful. I also like how you used a screen cap from Robin Williams’ film “What Dreams May Come.” Now there’s a movie that is emotionally potent. That particular film touched on life, death, suicide and how those pains may bleed into the afterlife (although I like Melody’s approach best – that we shed our resistance when we leave this realm and reach a new level of awesome awareness). Overall, the film offered a different way of looking at suicide and how things could pan out in the non-physical (this is a good film for those who are concerned about suicide being a sin). The film also had deep revelations about true love, reincarnation, and who we choose to be.

Be in peace Mr. Williams and thank you for the laughs, as well as your deeper roles in films like “What Dreams May Come” and “Patch Adams.” It’s so awesome how those two deep films starred him in that same year (1998).

Kirri August 29, 2014 at 09:21

This was really a touching post. I have been in the same position years ago and still trying to raise my vibration. Sometimes it is easier to do than others, but I am getting there. I hope everyone contemplating suicide reads Melody’s words and sees that their life can/will become so much better. Thank you Melody, for being such an awesome teacher and for sharing you wisdom with us, uplifting us and showing us how we can become more of who we really are!

Soraya August 29, 2014 at 10:28

Amazing post Melody, thank you!

Edelweiss August 29, 2014 at 10:56

Made me cry. I too would like to echo what others have said that I am sorry that you were in so much pain and to thank you for sharing that story. I had a very similar experience and still don’t see why ‘someone/something’ intervened.

Jordan Skyler August 29, 2014 at 15:57

Melody,
Thank you so much for sharing your insightful perspective. My father committed suicide July 16, 2011 – one day before his 48th birthday. I was in 21 years old in college at the time it occurred. I found him in his bedroom. I started reading as “therapy” and I don’t think there could have been anything more uplifting in this world better fit to help me. My comment would turn into a blog post if I shared everything I’ve read, but authors like yourself, Neale Donald Walsch, Florence Shinn, Ester & Jerry Hicks, & Dr. Wayne Dyer are some of my favorites. Thank you for being bold (as usual) and although you say we all have our own “truths”, what you just said brought me a sense of peace that it wasn’t my fault and he’s okay.
Like our much loved Robin Williams, I wish my dad’s story could be a reminder that it’s perfectly OKAY to be depressed – ask for help without worrying about the utterly stupid stigma associated with mental illness.
http://www.49countynews.net/Obituaries%20Text_Jul_Aug_Sept_2011/Graben_Phillip_Brian.html

Summer Starr August 29, 2014 at 19:41

Wow! What a beautiful post. Many, many things jumped out at me, and had me tearing up in the end.
I’m happy to know that “too much” resistance isn’t what brings about death. As we’ve talked about before, this was one of my BIG fears with doing this work. I’ve let go of a lot of that fear, but that little paragraph finally put the issue to rest for me. So thank you!!!
And thank you for sharing your suicide attempt. All of this talk about suicide brought me back to the dark times I had. I seriously contemplated it twice in my lifetime. Both were very similar to your experience. I didn’t want attention. I wasn’t crying out for help. I really wanted to die. I had pills too, and I wasn’t even thinking of who might find me. I wasn’t even leaving a note. All I wanted was relief, and in that moment, death seemed like the best option. Then, just like you, my mom popped in my head. I thought about how devastated she would be. I imagined how she would react if SHE had been the one to find me. OMG! I just couldn’t put her through that. So I stopped myself. I was 13 the first time, and in my early 20′s the second time. I am so thankful that I didn’t go through with it either time.
I never dreamed that my life would be what it is today. I was so sad, and lonely in those moments. I felt like I had no one. I think about how my son wouldn’t be here today if I had gone through with it. I’m so thankful that it just wasn’t time for me to go. Now I have a beautiful life full of people who I know love me, and who I love dearly. I am very blessed and thankful to be where I am now, and I’m excited to see where this journey will take me. Especially now that I’m doing it the deliberate way. :)

Nevila August 29, 2014 at 21:34

Beautiful post Melody!
This reminded me of a Bill Hicks quote:
“The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose
to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds
are. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills
and it’s very brightly coloured and it’s very loud and it’s fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to
question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have
remembered, and they come back to us, they say, “Hey – don’t worry,
don’t be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride…” we kill those people.
“shut him up, we have a lot invested in this ride, shut him up. look at
my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account and my family, this
has to be real” we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that,
you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t
matter, because… it’s just a ride, and we can change it any time we
want. It’s only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and
money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of
fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close
yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here’s what
we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all
that money we spend on weapons and defense and bullshit each year
and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the
world, which it would do many times over – not one human being
excluded – and we can explore space together, both inner and outer,
forever. In peace”.

Michele August 30, 2014 at 00:35

Thank-you!

Samantha September 4, 2014 at 15:38

Melody – I have a question regarding how the level/type of vibration we have when we die affects what happens to us or how we feel once we’ve completely transitioned. I’ve read other LOA teachers who say that if we have a low vibration when we die (ie, how a very depressed person would feel when they choose to suicide, then that low vibration carries over with them when they transition. So essentially, they take that depression and feeling of suffering with them to the other side, and then they have to spend time trying to heal and basically raise their vibration so they’re not stuck in that same feeling of misery and suffering. Some of these people claim to have made contact with people who transitioned via suicide, and they said it definitely was not pleasant for them when they first arrived on the other side. Ironically, a similar scenario was played out in Robin Williams’ movie “What Dreams May Come.” Where his wife killed herself and was stuck in a miserable hell like state until they were able to help her see things more clearly. I guess I’m confused because the way I understood your article, you’re saying that even if someone is severely depressed and vibrating at a very low level when they die (be it suicide or otherwise), they’re not forced to exist at that low vibration once they actually transition. Can you provide any clarification on this? Have you spoken with any other LOA teachers or counselors whose experience with people who transitioned via suicide was different from yours? I just find it odd that people heavily involved in LOA and discussing death from an LOA perspective would have such different experiences if everything comes down to vibration.

John September 4, 2014 at 20:06

Hi Samantha. I found this YouTube video with Abraham’s comments about suicide. There are other videos on YouTube where Abraham discusses this same subject but this one is the most concise I could find. Abraham’s view point is the same as Melody’s.

The best explanation I have found for differing view points about any spiritual subject, whether suicide or something else, is that everyone has to look for the explanation that feels the most authentic to them. What feels the most authentic to one person may not feel that same way to me, or the next person.

Of course, there is no definitive way to prove what happens after a person transitions, whether by “suicide” or more conventional means. For me, the explanation offered by Melody and Abraham feels right and it is what I believe. Ultimately, we all have to decide what feel right to us about this and any other subject.

Here is the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gK7iHqKsXmQ

I hope this helps.

John

Samantha September 4, 2014 at 22:11

Hi John,

Thanks for your response. I had actually seen that video before. I know that Melody is a strong believer in Abraham, so I wasn’t surprised that she shares the same views. I completely agree that at the end of the day, we all have to decide what feels right to us. However, I wanted her personal input regarding the specific different experiences. Not just different views, but actual experiences that different LOA teachers/leaders/whatever you want to call them have claimed to have when making contact with someone who died via suicide. I personally do not believe in organized religion, and I guess to me I feel that in many ways LOA is starting to look very similar to organized religion in my eyes. By that I mean there are legions of fans who blindly believe it and follow it, and get defensive if anybody questions it. And when there are discrepancies or contradictions, then the fall back is “do what feels right to you.” If LOA is indeed the truth and everything comes down to vibration, then there should be some type of consistency regarding certain types of experiences. So “just do what feels right to you” feels like an easy out to me when trying to understand those inconsistencies. It’s right up there with the “God works in mysterious ways” excuse I used to hear decades ago back when I was in the church. Just my opinion. I know it won’t be popular on this particular forum. Anyway, I’m not one who blindly follows and I question everything, so I always tend to look for deeper answers.

Melody Fletcher September 4, 2014 at 22:37

Hey there Samantha,

this is a really excellent question. Could you possibly pack this into one paragraph and submit it for a blog post? I think this one’s worthy of a whole post of its own. :)
You can submit the blog post HERE.

Big smooshy hugs,

Melody

SK September 5, 2014 at 11:41

I agree with you Samantha.
I believe LOA does exist in a simple form.

Jerry and Esther’s approach to utilize LOA is clever way to lead us into a maze. They will then offer to help us navigate through it. Any profit they make would appear as a byproduct of the process.
I am seeing signs Melody is gradually moving that way too.

I prefer Napoleon Hill’s version much better.

John September 4, 2014 at 22:56

Hi Samantha:

Maybe Melody will address this in an upcoming blog post The question for me is now and always has been, who is the ultimate authority on what I believe. And the answer that I always come up with is that I am the ultimate authority on what I believe. If I am looking for other people to agree with me before I believe it or if I am looking for someone to explain the inconsistencies to me, then I am, in the end, depending on someone else to provide the answer to me.

There are always going to be inconsistencies and different ways of viewing a spiritual practice. That is part of the variety that makes up existence. Look at all the different interpretations of Christianity.

Even though LOA by definition depends on vibration, it is the individual vibration of each person that determines what that person attracts and how that person perceives reality. There are as many different realities as there are people perceiving reality. And every perception of reality is correct for the person perceiving it at the particular time and place they are perceiving it.

When you look at inconsistencies between what various LOA teachers claim about their contact with persons who are in Nonphysical, it still comes down to the perception of the individual person or teacher. If you look at “channeled” materials, there is a wide range of differences in the message of different teachers. How do we explain that difference, or inconsistency?

In my opinion, it still comes down to the perspective, or the vibration of the the person receiving the channeled information.

If someone decides to conclude that LOA itself is not reliable because different teachers report different experiences, then they are certainly free to reach that conclusion.

Any system of thought or belief is going to have inconsistencies. It is the nature of thought and experience.

Will we have more access to infinite intelligence and will all of this make more sense when we make our transition? That is my opinion.

For now, and for me, based on my experience of spiritual seeking, I have not found complete agreement and consistency between teachers in any system of thought.

So, yes, for me I chose to go with what feels authentic to me, and not based on what anyone else teaches. Right now, the message of Abraham feels authentic to me, and it has felt that way for a number of years. Will that change before I make my transition?

Perhaps. If any other reader has a different perspective on this topic, I hope they will jump in.

Mimi September 9, 2014 at 06:41

Hey John,

I think I may have a similar dilemma with Samantha. Although my situation may be a little weird. I notice that most of the times i shift my vibration and when i do, it somehow resonates back to melody’s teachings for some reason. I’ve read a lot of forums from sites such as powerfulintentions.com and read from teachers such as steve pavlina, sen, and abraham hicks. however for some reason, no matter what techniques i apply, my results somehow bring me back to melody’s articles. Truth is the one thing i have a hard time doing is letting go of my desires though.

John September 9, 2014 at 16:55

Hi Mimi:

Thanks for your comment. It appears from Melody’s response to Samantha’s comment that we will likely see a full blog post in the near future giving us Melody’s input on Samantha’s question.I certainly hope so. I have found Melody’s blog posts to be very uplifting and enlightening since I discovered her site about two years ago.

John

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