How To Have A Good Time No Matter What

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by Melody Fletcher on July 14, 2014

 

Coaching Call #109 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Feeling Sexy, Desirable and Beautiful When the World Tells You You’re Not.

This call started off with the client asking how she can rev up her husband’s sex drive, but ended up turning to the bigger topic of how to feel sexy and beautiful when other people (even your husband) won’t validate that you are. We talked about body insecurities, what causes us to feel sexy and what actually leads to other people finding us desirable. I think every woman old enough to have and enjoy sex should have this information. Take back the power over how you feel about yourself, and allow the Universe to mirror back your awesomeness and yes, sexiness to you. This call will tell you how.

Bowchicabowow. Ha.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Alex’s Burning Question: “How do we tell when it is time to find the positive aspects of something and when to just say “umm, no, definitely not”? Like, let’s say you walk into a really lame dance party. Do you think “Hmm well I suppose there is nice lighting,” or rather, do you laugh and think “Hah! Nope!”  Or maybe one could even fully embrace and make fun of the lameness, having fun doing so. It seems that there are many possibilities in such a scenario, and many creative ways to make it more Awesome.”

Dear Awesome Alex,

Thank you for your awesome question. How do you know when to make the best of a situation, and when to walk away? I believe Kenny Rogers said it best when he sang:

You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em

Know when to fold ‘em

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

And yes, I’m aware that I may have just turned this blog post into a super lame dance party, but bear with me, I do have a point to make. So, strap yourselves in puppies; here we go:

Who decides if the party is lame?

Now, this may go without saying (although, it obviously doesn’t), but who exactly gets to decide if a party is lame? Well, you do. But that decision isn’t as cut in stone as you may think it is. There are no parties that are inherently lame. You can decide, for example, that if they start doing the Macarena (*gasp!*), that the party has officially jumped the shark. But that would be your choice. And it’s a choice that many people make all the time.

For example, I was dancing at gay club a few months ago (because that’s where the really good dancing can be found), and a girl in our party was standing at the edge of the dance floor, looking like she’d just smelled a fart. At the risk that she had actually just been crop dusted and I was about to walk into a cloud of airborne poo particles, I carefully approached and asked her if she wasn’t having a good time. She replied that she couldn’t have a good time, because she hated the music (80’s pop. Obviously). I asked her what music she did like, and she said “Rock”. She had decided that she could not have fun unless a very specific type of music (whatever her definition of rock was) was playing, her night was ruined. Like seriously, she just wasn’t going to allow herself to let go and relax. I advised her to get gloriously drunk and she agreed that this would probably help.

What I really wanted to ask her but didn’t since it wouldn’t have been received well, was why she had bothered leaving the house at all? I mean, if you can only have a good time under very specific circumstances, and if you can’t control those circumstances (the way you can if you throw your own party, for example), then it’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll end up being miserable. Why even bother, I ask you?

If, on the other hand, you decide that you’re going to have a good time, no matter what, then you never have to control anything or anyone again. This is how I approached the club that night. You see, in Spain, they love to sprinkle a set or two of Spanish Pop into the mix. If you’ve never heard Spanish Pop, it’s akin to the German Schlager. There really is no equivalent in the English speaking world for this (lucky you), but honestly, it’s like a big old chunk of Gouda set to music. In other words, it’s cheezy as fuck.

In other words, this is not music I would, if given a choice, purposefully listen to. And yet, if I happen to be out dancing, having decided to have a good time (otherwise, why the hell go?), and Spanish Pop comes on, I continue to dance with wild abandon. Why? Because I choose to. Because there’s still a beat. I’ll even sing along. Are there songs that make it easier for me to shake my booty with utter joy? Well, yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop having fun and stomp off the dance floor in a huff because I just can’t handle the fact that they’ve played a song that isn’t on my personal favorite playlist (how dare they?!). And as long as I’m there, I’m going to make the absolute best of it.

How to have a good time no matter what

So there you are, having walked into the lame party. Now, you have a choice to make. You can either have a good time, or you can leave. How do you decide what to do? Well, CAN you have a good time? Or are the decisions you’ve made (knowingly or unknowingly) about what is and isn’t lame, and what is and isn’t acceptable to you, basically your judgments, making it impossible for you to just let yourself go and be in the moment? If the cheezy music or the fact that your ex is there is distracting you to the point that you can’t relax and have fun, then leave. The one thing you don’t want to do is stay in a situation that isn’t fun, while TRYING to have fun. Stop trying. Either have fun or go home. Anything in between is going to be torture.

Now, if you’d like to get to the point where you can have a good time anywhere, no matter what, you’re going to have to learn a few skills.

  1. It’s your decision. The first thing you want to keep in mind is that it really is just your choice whether or not to have fun. If you keep looking for certain conditions, you’re giving your power away. Who cares if so and so is here, or if the food isn’t organic, or if it’s too hot? Ignore him, live dangerously and get your sweat on. Or, go home. No one is forcing you to be there. Standing in the corner scowling at everyone is a decision too. A shitty, shitty decision.
  2. It’s no one else’s decision. You do not need anyone else’s permission to have a great time. So, just because your friends declare loudly that “This place blows, and not in a good way!”, doesn’t mean you have to agree. Make up your own damn mind. If they can’t have a good time there and you decide that you want to find a place that you all like, that’s a choice, too. But if you find yourself agreeing with them out of fear of disagreeing, you’re going to end up feeling resentful of them every time they express an opinion different from yours. That resentment comes from you not being willing to speak your truth, though, and actually has nothing to do with them. Keep in mind, also, that people who criticize everything are also criticizing themselves all the time. Nothing is ever good enough because they’re never good enough.
  3. Realize that your environment is a mirror. You have to remember that whatever your reality is showing you, it’s just a mirror of your energy. You kind of have to ask yourself why you manifested a lame party in the first place? Have you been feeling a little powerless lately? Have you been focusing on what’s wrong with the world instead of its awesomeness? If you start to emanate the vibration of “good time”, if you decide to get into a feeling of fun on your own (no outside circumstances needed), then everything around you will have to morph to mirror that fun back to you. This is, incidentally, how you influence a whole room full of people. I’ve done this many times, and it’s an amazing experience. But you don’t do this by worrying about the other people, or the conditions. You do it energetically, by being the beacon of fun, by appreciating, by deciding to see the awesomeness in everything. You can also do the exact opposite of that, by the way, by deciding that everything is shit. Make that decision and watch everything turn to shit around you. Actually, never mind. I’m sure you’ve had that experience already. Just go with the fun for a change.
  4. Don’t be afraid to be the freak. I have done the chicken dance at a wedding. In a cocktail dress. “Why?”, you may ask. Because they played it, I was on the dance floor, and it was fun (seriously. It was glorious). Do you ever notice how people over 50 (generalizing here, stay with me) often go wild at weddings and other get-togethers? They’re out there doing the conga lines and the chicken dance and line dancing badly without a care in the world for what others think of them. Why? Because they have finally gotten to that stage in life where they no longer give a fuck. They’re allowing themselves to live, to experience, to be in the moment. They’ve learned that what other people think just doesn’t matter. They’d rather have a good time than cater to other people’s insecurities. Look to the fringes of the dance floor, and you’ll see those who haven’t yet learned that lesson – the teenagers and 20 and 30 year olds, too embarrassed to get in on the fun, who console themselves with making fun of the lameness. “Yes, we’re here, but we’re only here ironically.” Either join the fun or get out, I say. You’re fooling no one.

Why having fun by making fun is not a good idea

Which brings me to the next part of your question: Can you have fun by making fun of the situation? Well, yes. To a degree. But it’s not authentic and won’t lead to joy. You see, either you like something or you don’t. If you’re making fun of something, it’s either because you don’t like it, but think you have to stay (you don’t), and are therefore making the best of an ugly situation. Just be honest about not liking it and leave. Or, you may actually secretly like the thing you’re making fun of, but not feel like you have permission to because your friends have declared it lame, so you do, too. Again, just be honest about how you feel and admit that you do like it. So what if your friends disagree? Do you really all have to share the same hive mind? And if you do, are you sure you want to be hanging out with these people?

So, while you can have a bit of fun disparaging the situation you’re in, by doing so, you’re not being honest. It feels so much better to either really get into the action or just go someplace else.

Bottom line

If you’re able to have a great time, stay where you are. If you notice that certain judgments you’ve made are keeping you from having a great time, then either let those judgments go (“You know what? I can totally dance to Vanilla Ice!”), or make the decision to leave. But if you do stay, make the decision to really enjoy it. You don’t need anyone’s permission except your own. So, get your ass out there and do the chicken dance! You know you’ve always secretly wanted to…

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Denise July 14, 2014 at 21:06

Great timing as always! This post was very helpful, thank you! I had a nervous breakdown in part due to a psychic reading I had via email. I realize I gave the reader all the info, she just regurgitated it back to me and gave her opinion, while being somewhat condescending to me and making me feel horrible in the process. The center section of this article is helping me look at the situation in a different light. One thing the reader said is happening now, however there have been other unexpected positive developments as well. I realize the reading mirrored back my fears, yet it still bothers me. Dies anyone have any more suggestions on how to take your power back, and fast? Needless to say I will never.go to a psychic again, & I gave away all my divination tools. I choose to create my own destiny & attitudes.

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Kelli July 14, 2014 at 22:40

Hey Denise
Your post struck a cord with me because I used to be into psychics big time, especially when things weren’t going so great. I was hoping to hear some little nugget that would perk me up. While I have certainly gone to good ones, overall, my desire to seek them has greatly waned as I got more into LOA and focusing on creating my own destiny. I used to read tarot cards too, but I no longer really do that either. They are great for insight, but it can be hard to not try and figure out ‘the future’ using them,l and when we do them for ourselves, there can be quite a bit of projection.These tools arent bad in and of themselves, they are only a problem in so far as our intentions for using them, and how they make us feel.
As far as taking your power back, reading a blog like this one, and the fact that you are aware of the issues are two great steps in the right direction. I would imagine you are getting all this stuff on an intellectual level, but haven’t quite felt it emotionally, which is a major stumbling block most of us face, myself included. Whenever I feel this way, I immerse myself in materials that remind me this stuff is the real deal, like this blog, and I think back to all the things I have manifested so far, my “loa wins’ if you will. This reminds me of my power.
Kelli invites you to read..Where’s My Stuff Already? Dealing with LOA Impatience and DoubtMy Profile

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Denise July 14, 2014 at 23:31

Thank you! I think you are right. I let my emotions get in the way!

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Caroline July 14, 2014 at 22:57

Hi Denise,

I’m really sorry that happened to you. There are some proper crooks out there parading as energy workers. A “psychic” once told me never to do a skydive as I was destined to die in a sporting accident. Although now I know, I really *know* that it’s bs. It’s possible that her vibration was very low at the time, and that she did read my energy, just through her very scary filters. Anyway, although I know what I know now, if I was ever to find myself about to leap out of a plane with a parachute strapped to my back, you can bet that this ‘reading’ would be forefront of my mind!

I’ve also spoken to a psychic quite recently who was the the real deal as far as I’m concerned. She explained to me that she was reading the energy of where I was currently headed, and using her own experience of the world to translate it, and that my destiny was my own. She was very, very good.

I would recommend that you read Melody’s post about psychic’s to work on taking your power back – http://www.deliberateblog.com/2013/07/26/everything-youve-ever-wanted-to-know-about-psychics/

Remember that you always have your power, it’s there whenever you need it. :-)
Caroline invites you to read..The End. Sort Of.My Profile

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Denise July 14, 2014 at 23:35

Thanks! I did read that blog post when this all went down. My reader is supposed to be the real deal & has a professional business, however with every reading I’ve had with her be it phone or email, there was always a little part that didn’t “click”. This last reading she gave no suggestions on how to make myself feel better. I guess I learned to not ask for prediction readings anymore LOL

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ItisMe July 16, 2014 at 23:28

Denise in response to your question
“Does anyone have any more suggestions on how to take your power back and fast?”

I offer this choice of UniquePerception

We’ve been previously misinformed {Although Not Intentionally for it was during a previous growing stage of our conscious development} So our society started our Mislabeling Emotions as “moods”
I find it helps to strip the ‘labels’ off the energy-in-motion that I find myself preprogrammed with as “Moods” and resort to feeling Energetic Sensations as indication of my Energy Flow expressing itself to me as “sensations” that indicate whether I am having a Building-Up of or Depleting of “Energy Flowing into and out of My Body” For here on the physical realm there exists a Harmonic Balance between the two and I Believe the Feeling of being in Harmony is the Feeling we all are seeking.
Stripping the vibrations/frequencies of these “mood” labels, enables me to see “Emotion” for what it originally is….Energy-In-Motion. …. Previously Mislabeled with the different “tags” of the “MOODS”. It is important to acknowledge that at the Particular Time that we started feeling these Sensations and Observing our Expression of these sensations, we were in an “Ignorant stage of development” and not yet fully able to grasp the concept and understanding of Energy Flow Through the body.
As we are presently training to take on the responsibility of Co-creators, we need to familiarize ourselves with an understanding of our own personalized Energy Flow…Taking Back Our Power by becoming responsible for regulating our own input/ output of Energy Flow Consciously….Too much taken in and not enough dispersed ends in an uncontrolled Burst of energy….Too much Energy Dispersed ends in low Energy Flow which results in resonating our body form with the lower vibrations/frequencies of Thoughts, beliefs , etc…
We Can Take Back Our Power of Energy-in-Motion by refusing to label our Indicating Sensations/Feelings as “Moods” and see that when we start to feel a build up of energy within i.e. we may feel this as jitteriness or aggravation or even exhilaration…we can redirect it. With this understanding we can then at the time of feeling such sensation…realize it for what it is ,,,,,an Indicator that we need to disperse the Energy within or Stop Dispersing it and Focus on Building it back up. Thus choosing from the activities{ we’ve come to know ourselves as energizing us or depleting ourselves with} to engage in to get the harmonious feeling we seek.

ItisMe

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Denise July 17, 2014 at 14:50

Thank you, that is a good way of looking at it. I see now that we are in control, not others.

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John July 14, 2014 at 21:20

I have not read the post yet, although I will soon. I just have to comment right now and say how much I absolutely LOVE that picture of the dancing man with the dancing cats!

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Kelli July 14, 2014 at 22:29

Hey Melody
First off, as cat-obsessed, I totally loved the picture and it got a literal LOL. This post was a great reminder for me because as better as I ge with going with the flow, I sometimes think my sense of contrast is a bit too strong, and I can learn to ‘loosen up’ a bit energetically. Thanks for the brilliance as always!
Kelli invites you to read..Ready for a Change? Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be Part 2My Profile

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Zequeatta Jaques July 15, 2014 at 00:07

Love the picture! Got a good laugh from it.

Melody is right on target. We own our reality. You can either make it good or bad the choice is yours.

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Catie @ Ice Cream is Healthy July 15, 2014 at 02:59

“I was dancing at gay club a few months ago (because that’s where the really good dancing can be found), and a girl in our party was standing at the edge of the dance floor, looking like she’d just smelled a fart. At the risk that she had actually just been crop dusted and I was about to walk into a cloud of airborne poo particles, I carefully approached and asked her if she wasn’t having a good time.”

Oscar Wilde couldn’t have concocted a more poetic or evocative paragraph. I lost all sphincter control. Hilarious Melody!

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hurting July 15, 2014 at 22:05

please do a vlog on bullying, especially in the workplace. im on the verge of quitting work because its so sad bad. but if i do thats my income out the door and the next step is to just stop life altogether. im so tired upset sad depressed angry and energy-less. just please please help me. im in floods of tears just writing this to u please help melody. im sorry for putting pressure on u too, if u have time please do one

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Nathalie July 18, 2014 at 03:04

Hello hurting — I just wanted to let you know that I posted a blog article on the topic of workplace bullying about a month ago for one of my own readers who was in a similar situation. Maybe it can help you, too. If you do a keyword search for bullying on my site, it should be the first or second article that pops up. Hugs for you… it’s such a difficult situation to be in. Stay strong.
Nathalie invites you to read..Resistance and Law of AttractionMy Profile

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Karin July 16, 2014 at 00:56

Great post as always Melody, although I have to say – as much as I try (and often succeed) to live by LOA principles, I think I would have to reach the enlightenment level of Buddha to enjoy dancing to schlager (we have it in Sweden too). I admire you for your ability to do it!!

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Melody Fletcher July 17, 2014 at 23:23

Ahahaha, Karin. I have a harder time with German Schlager, I admit, but it can be done!

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Deepika Sharma July 17, 2014 at 11:31

Hey Melody!

An Awesome Article & Pic is so funny……..lol. I really liked your post. Plz sharing like this post always. Love u….;-)
Deepika Sharma invites you to read..Happy Friendship Day SMS for Buddies 2014 | Buddies SMSMy Profile

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Joshua Tilghman July 17, 2014 at 22:53

Melody,

What a delightful article as always. When we seek to focus on something negative, that’s what we’ll get. Why not make the situation fun by being ourselves and focusing on what’s positive instead of negative?

This is something we can all remember and work on.
Joshua Tilghman invites you to read..Ten Similarities between God and ConsciousnessMy Profile

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Nathalie July 18, 2014 at 03:13

Melody, you have always been the epitome of awesomeness. But the fact that you can quote the lyrics to “The Gambler” just catapulted you into a whole new level of cool in my book (I’m a Kenny Rogers fan and not ashamed to admit it! :-) )

Totally agree with the idea that making fun of something in order to try and make it fun, is not the way to go. When you’re making fun of something in that way, you’re putting other people down for liking or enjoying it, and that’s not going to make anyone feel good. As you said, there’s no joy in that. And if you often find yourself in situations where you feel that you can’t express your own views and feelings on something because your friends wouldn’t like it, then maybe it’s time re-evaluate whether those particular relationships are ultimately helping or hurting you.
Nathalie invites you to read..1424 Get out of the Parking Lot!My Profile

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