Coaching Call #108 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Her Own Abusive Childhood is Being Passed On to her Teenage Daughter.
This client’s own abusive childhood has left behind some beliefs that are now being mirrored by her teenage daughter. How can she truly help her daughter on her journey, while also cleaning up the powerlessness she still feels? Can she repair her relationship with her (still emotionally abusive) father?
I love this call. We hit on so many nuggets dealing with parenting, traumatic childhoods, anger releases, setting boundaries and standing up for oneself, as well as teenage pregnancy and abortion (it’s not a dark call, I promise. There’s a lot of humor in this one). If you’re a parent dealing with a rebellious child, had domineering or even abusive parents, or are bad at confrontation, this call is for you.
Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “As I understand it, we ‘pre-pave’ our experience, i.e, what we feel/say/do NOW determines what comes into our lives. And if we have ‘unwanted’ stuff now, it’s because we have (or had?) some low vibes going on somewhere in our general vibe. I’d like to know, is there a time limit on the manifestation of ‘negative’ consequences from low vibrational thoughts and deeds? For example, if my vibe is generally high and clear now, however, I gossiped and was negative towards someone as a teenager, could the consequences of those low vibe behaviors still affect my experience? Or do negative future consequences cease the instant our vibe becomes higher? I suppose it’s a ‘karma’ type question, but I’m sure you’ll unpick it better than I can, thanks.”
Dear Awesome Dudette,
Your question does smack of Karma. You seem to be viewing your negative manifestations as a consequence of things you’ve done wrong in the past and this is not the case. Your manifestations are not punishments or lessons. And, as far as the Universe is concerned, there is no judgment anyway. There is no right or wrong. There is only wanted and unwanted, that which serves you and that which doesn’t. This is an important distinction to make, especially since a lot of people will often insist on keeping themselves in painful situations that don’t serve them in an attempt to do the “right” thing.
The Universe doesn’t judge
Let’s consider the fact that what each of us, individually, considers to be right or wrong is often based on completely arbitrary criteria. You may think it’s “wrong” to speak up for yourself in the face of authority or people who are older than you, having been taught to respect your elders. This type of belief can keep you from setting necessary boundaries at work or with family. Or you may think it’s “wrong” to leave an abusive relationship, because marriage vows are forever; so you’ll put up with being abused in order to do the “right” thing.
If you’d like to explore the subject of morality in more depth, you can do so by reading the blog post: Does the Law of Attraction Give People Permission To Hurt Others?
The important thing is that you don’t equate what you’ve called “low vibe behaviors” as “wrong”.
It’s all relative
Another thing you want to keep in mind is that past behaviors that you’re now calling “low vibe”, were probably high vibe back then. In your example, where you gossiped as a teenager, it’s very likely that this gossiping actually brought you relief at the time. Maybe you were feeling inadequate and insecure and not good enough. Talking about how others also weren’t perfect made you feel better. Then came the point at which that behavior no longer brought relief, and you stopped it. Be careful not to look at your PAST actions through the lens of your NOW vibration. Just because gossiping feels like a lower vibe action NOW, doesn’t mean it was THEN. Your vibration will have changed significantly since your teenage years. At least, one would hope…
There is only NOW
Now that we’ve cleared up the morality question, let me remind you that your past really has no power to influence your present, unless you decide that it does. When do you have to make that decision? NOW. This means that your manifestations aren’t so much a product of what you did last week or last year or at any time in the past. They are a mirror of where your vibration is NOW. Your vibration, however, is a product of all your beliefs, many of which are old and outdated. THIS is how your past affects your present.
If a belief you have NOW has been around for a while, and if you’ve given it a fair amount of attention, it will have a lot of momentum behind it. This means that it’s easier to think thoughts that match this belief than thoughts that contradict it. And it’s this momentum that can often make it seem like you’re trapped in manifestations of the past.
Let’s say that your mother in law is mean to you. She makes you feel small and insignificant. Now, if you sit with that feeling, you might recall that you felt that way with a teacher of yours, back in elementary school. That memory will be a representation of the same energy that’s affecting you now, but will give you more information on what the underlying belief is. It’s not that the powerlessness of the past is causing you to have a nasty mother in law, it’s that the belief that was alive back then, is still active in you RIGHT NOW. That’s why it’s manifesting.
If feeling that powerless back then caused you to lash out at someone and be mean to them, as a way of getting relief, it wouldn’t cause today’s manifestation to be any worse, as way of “punishing” you. Your lashing out would simply have been another manifestation of your powerlessness. You could, of course, cause more resistance in your vibration and add to your negative manifestation by feeling guilt and shame about your behavior caused by the original belief, but any additional negative manifestations would simply be a result of cause and effect. In other words, if you beat up on yourself NOW for something that happened in the past, you will create evidence of that self-flagellation, which doesn’t serve you, NOW.
The truth about consequences
You asked if there are negative consequences for your past actions. I know that this is going to be hard for some people to hear, but there really aren’t. That’s not how the Universe works. When you lash out at someone in pain, and all lashing out comes from a place of fear and/or pain, the Universe doesn’t then come along and compound the problem by punishing you for having been afraid. Retribution is a human concept and not a very effective one. Think about it. If there’s a fire in your barn, and your horse, panicking for its life, ends up busting through the barn door to get out, do you then end up shooting it in the head as punishment for having broken your barn door? Of course not. And yet, that’s what we want to do to each other. And it’s what we expect will be done to us.
But retribution is a concept that is also based on fear – the fear that others can hurt us. We feel powerless against them, and so, we lash out. Retribution has nothing to do with rehabilitation, by the way, which is why our prison systems, which are based on retribution, are actually adding to the problem they are supposed to solve. Remember that powerlessness begets powerlessness, and pain begets pain.
The idea of consequences, as you’re using the word, is based on retribution. But the Universe isn’t set up that way. There is no judgment. It’s more like a computer. Input = output. The output is the consequence of the input. The computer doesn’t add extra consequences to make you feel bad or show you what you did wrong. In fact, doing so, would only serve to punish you for trying to feel better. Considering that the Universe is set up to constantly move you towards that which feels better, punishing you for doing just that would be, well, insane.
And yes, I do understand that many of our current systems are set up that way – our education system, for example. We are punished for getting it wrong, which, in essence, means we are punished for trying to get it right. We are punished for exploring, for delving into the unknown. In an economy whose success depends on those who do just that, that kind of punishment seems, well, downright crazy.
Not getting the output you truly wanted is the negative consequence of doing something that doesn’t serve you. There’s no punishment, no retribution, no lesson other than that you may want to change your input to get a different output.
No, your past actions don’t affect your current manifestations, unless you’re NOW holding on to the beliefs that caused those unwanted actions, or are NOW beating up on yourself for having acted that way. When you change your vibration, you will get instant feedback, via your emotions (which are manifestations!), that you’ve made a change. Most people, however, don’t make a complete change in an instant. They gradually (not slowly! Just incrementally) back off from the old, unwanted belief, causing it’s momentum to slow down, and then build up the wanted belief’s momentum. The physical reality won’t mirror back the new vibration until it’s been fully realized and stabilized. The Universe does not withhold a positive manifestation that you’re NOW a match to, to teach you a lesson. Once again, and I really cannot state this often enough, the Universe is not an asshole. And yes, you can quote me on that.