How to Win Any Argument

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by Melody Fletcher on June 16, 2014

Coaching Call #105 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Divorcing an Abusive Husband When There’s A Child Involved.

This mother in India is doing her best to leave her abusive husband, despite her family’s pressure to stay. Although her location does present some unique, cultural challenges, most of her fears, centering around doing what’s best for her child and being able to line up with the future she truly wants, are universal.

We also explored how the world is changing, not only for women and girls, but overall. If you’re struggling with female empowerment, divorce with children, or an abusive situation, this call will help you not only feel much more positive and hopeful, but will give you practical steps you can use TODAY to line up with the future you want.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Dude’s Burning Question: “How can you overcome the skeptics that always try and debunk anything unconventional? Every time I read something written by a skeptic, my throat gets extremely tight and my head starts to hurt. It’s gotten so bad that the tight throat is chronic, and I’m always thinking about skeptics. It’s like they’re stuck in my mind. I need help to become stronger and to stop thinking about skeptics all the time.”

Dear Awesome Dude,

Here’s your awesome video answer:

Watch the Video directly on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXrcEjDKu9Y

Aaaand here’s the Transcript:

So Awesome Dude, what you’re saying is that you think about sceptics all the time. And so you manifest a bunch of evidence of people who are sceptics, and you look at that evidence and think about it some more and then you get more of that, and then you think about it some more and you get some more evidence, and then you think about that some more. And that’s how you build lots and lots of negative momentum. That’s also why your throat is constricting and your head is hurting.

What is a sceptic?

But let’s take a look at what a sceptic actually is. I mean a sceptic is actually just any person that doesn’t agree with what you believe is true. It doesn’t matter what side of the debate you’re on, the other person is sceptical of your belief system and therefore you call them a non-believer. Now you can stand on any side of the debate and call the other side a sceptic and it’s really important to make this distinction. There aren’t people who are right, and then people who are the sceptics. Everyone wants to believe that, but that’s not how it is. The truth is that everybody’s right. Everyone has a right to their point of view. And I understand that this might really piss some people off, because there are a lot of people out there who rely on “facts” and hard science. But I promise you that for any point of view, even the scientific ones, you can find studies that completely defy that point of view and prove that the opposite is true.

Let’s take something like alternative medicine for example. There are people who swear by it, who use nothing else and would never use allopathic medicine. And then there are those people who think it’s total crap; it doesn’t do anything, it’s just wishful thinking and it could even be dangerous. You’ll find lots and lots of people on either side of the debate all across the spectrum. Some people are vehemently for or vehemently against it, and some people are just kind of “meh”. Some people are just kind of for it or kind of against it and a lot of people don’t really care.

There is no ONE right answer

Did you know that alternative medicine doesn’t work for everyone? Did you also know that allopathic/traditional medicine doesn’t work for everyone? Did you know that nothing works for everybody? You see, that’s the point here. There is no one solution to everybody’s problem. Everyone keeps looking for it, but they don’t find it. We keep searching for the magic pill, the one answer, the one religion, the one God, the one diet, the one job, the one everything. It doesn’t work that way.

We’re not here to all be the same. We’re not here to all agree with each other and have the exact same opinion. I mean how freaking boring would that be? Seriously…

We’re actually here to each see our own point of view, to see an aspect of reality that is completely and uniquely our own. And by the very design of that structure, we’re not going to agree with each other!

We’re all right

For example, let’s say there are three people who are each looking at an apple, but they only get a tiny bit of information about that apple. I might see a red object. I’m not sure of the shape of it, I don’t know how big it is, but I can see that there’s some red there. And someone else might see it in shadow and say “Oh! I see something round.” And someone else might get a taste of it and say “Ooh! I taste something sweet.” Now, each one of us would be right. We’ve each seen an aspect of the apple. And we could all battle each other to the death, absolutely insisting that our view of what the object was, was true. And if you subscribe to the belief that if one person’s right, everyone else must be wrong, which a lot of people still do, then a fight would ensue. And this is, in fact, how most arguments, most fights and most wars start. One side has to be right, and everybody else has to be wrong.

But when you understand that the apple is both red and round, and then you add the information that it tastes sweet, now you have more information of the whole. We’re all right. We’re all seeing a piece of the puzzle. We’re all seeing an aspect of the divine. And when we add that information together, when we celebrate the fact that none of us have the same point of view and we actually listen to each other and get the information that’s there (which does not mean that you have to agree with the other person, just listen to their point of view and validate it, as valid for them, true for them. It’s another aspect of reality that you can either choose or choose not to adopt for yourself), then there’s no need to ever have an argument again. You don’t need to argue with someone who’s simply telling you what the other side of the house looks like, the side that you haven’t seen.

So, you can say “Hey! This house has four sides, and I’ve seen one. Hey you over there! What does the next side look like? Hey you over there! What does the third side look like? Hey you over there! What does the fourth side look like?” And then, “You know what? I really prefer the side that I’ve been looking at all along”, or “Hmmm, I might prefer another side. Let me try out their points of view. Let me engage with their points of view and then decide.” Your point of view is a choice. Your belief system is a choice, particularly once you’ve become aware of it.

How to deal with sceptics

Now, let me bring this back to scepticism. If you truly believe that you create your own reality, then you know that sceptics showing up in your reality, in your personal little slice of reality, your aspect of it, are only showing up to get a certain reaction from you. And the reaction that they’re getting from you is that you’re not entirely sure of yourself. You want to believe that you create your own reality, but you’re not entirely sure that you do. The Universe has brought you (you have manifested) a challenge to your belief system. When you understand that it’s not really a challenge, that everyone gets to believe what they believe and you don’t have to get anyone to agree with you, that you don’t have to agree with them, that you don’t have to convince them of anything, then you can let them go. You can bless everybody for their opinion. And you can understand that it’s your choice what you bring into your reality, and what you don’t want to bring into your reality, remembering that whatever you focus on is what you bring in.

So, Awesome Dude, you’ve been bringing sceptics into your reality, by focusing on sceptics. Focus on something else instead. Focus on your power, focus on your ability to choose your point of view. Focus on the fact that it’s so awesome that we each have a different point of view.

Bottom line

So what if someone doesn’t believe what you believe? So what if they even think that you’re an idiot? Who cares? Their opinion is just their opinion. And they’re entitled to it. But you don’t have to choose to adopt their point of view of you or of the world. So, keep believing what makes you feel good and let them believe what makes them feel good, or what happens to be serving them in this moment.

Because, how do you know that by you allowing them to have their point of view, it doesn’t make them think and wonder how you can be so balanced, so Zen; how being challenged so openly isn’t causing you to lose your vibrational stability, or get into a bad mood or fight back. How do you know that THAT’s not the catalyst that they’ve been waiting for, to break out of a point of view that isn’t serving them and into one that is? You may never know that, and you may never know what point of view they’ve chosen that makes them feel better. But how do you know that you holding unapologetically to your point of view, while allowing them to have theirs, isn’t exactly the healing that they needed, and the healing that you needed?

{ 23 comments }

Lil Deville June 16, 2014 at 12:55

I have one answer to people who disagree with my views or opinions, who hate my shoes or who think my sports team are a bunch of uncoordinated halfwits (which despite appearances to the contrary they are not) – I just shrug and say “We’re all different aren’t we?” It lets them know I’m not going to change my opinion nor try to make them change theirs. It works for me anyway :)
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Kelli June 16, 2014 at 13:41

Hey Melody
Awesome post as always..and something very important to learn about for anyone who is trying to make positive change, and fully embrace LOA–the opinions of others can weigh heavy when we are still not fully enmeshed in our new belief system. I have found for myself personally, as my confidence in my belief system grows, and I acquire ‘proof’ from my own experiences, I am not as bothered as much by opposing opinions. And in an effort to create a greater sense of peace in my life, I have less of an interest in debating issues or trying to convince people of anything; if someone says something I may not agree with, I don’t feel much of a pull to express it. If someone wants to know how I feel about something, I’ll gladly share. But, for the most part, I just focus on doing my thing, and don’t worry as much about other people.
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Ryan Biddulph June 16, 2014 at 13:55

Well said Melody! Skeptics help us find greater clarity in our belief system. If you feel challenged, the challenge never existed ;) Only a call to greater clarity, and greater tolerance. If I like chocolate ice cream, and you like vanilla, we laugh about or preferences, and beliefs, and leave it at that. When someone prefers Christianity, and another, Buddhism, same deal….except, few have great clarity in their choice of and belief in religion, or how they make a living, etc….causing the whole challenging feel/myth. Thanks!
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Kim June 16, 2014 at 23:02

Good point Ryan! You’re right, they’re both choices only one is easier to maintain your position and the other comes with a lot of emotional baggage (really due to uncertainty).

Liz June 16, 2014 at 14:42

This is another wonderful post Melody! I torture myself by reading nasty comments on Youtube about the teachers that I respect and love……..it feels so personal when they are attacked them……..why would I need their validation……. it’s about not trusting what resonates for me……why should it matter? These feelings tend to make me feel that I have not progressed ‘spiritually’, which in itself is a flawed premise……there is nowhere to progress to!

Kajsa June 16, 2014 at 15:31

Yes yes yes! Thank you Melody! This is exactly what I needed to hear right now, when I am finally breaking free from my family and dealing with the immense friction between us (different beliefs, different lives, different journeys entirely!!) … This post was very useful and I will go back to it again and again in preparation for what will no doubt be a rather awkward visit home :)

John June 16, 2014 at 16:34

Wonderful post, Melody! Reading your written words and watching you on video are both very valuable to me and I always take away something important whether I am watching you or reading what you wrote. However, I realized something today while watching you speak your wonderful message. For me, I can feel your awesome, gentle and uplifting energy more directly when I watch you on video! For that reason, I really appreciate your making both written posts and video posts available. And your on camera personality and presentation make your message come alive! The total content, both the energy and the words is impressive! Thanks for putting such clarity and wonderful energy up for us to read and watch every week!

Summer Starr June 16, 2014 at 17:33

I was one of those people who always wanted to READ posts, but I love the videos too. I like the videos because #1 I get to see beautiful Melody and #2 I can feel the energy easier. I like the written posts because I can read any line I need to over and over until it sinks in. I don’t have to that as much anymore though. ;)

I personally haven’t been accosted by an LOA skeptic, but I have a whole arsenal of rebuttals prepared if I ever do. Nothing nasty of course. It’s mostly a “why not try it because the crap you’ve been doing isn’t working” attitude.

It’s kind of like ten people reading the same Bible passage and then getting ten different interpretations of it. We each have our own truth and as long as we walk head held high, in that truth, we can never be wrong. :)
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Summer June 16, 2014 at 21:00

I think the YouTube link is for last weeks video.

A_Blindy June 17, 2014 at 00:15

Yes, the link does point to last weeks video. I found the same thing when I clicked it.
I found the right video, and the direct link is actually here .
Hope this helps

Lisa June 16, 2014 at 21:41

I wonder if this also works for my inner skeptic. Strangely enough (or not), I rarely come across (LOA) skeptics, but when I do their words only make me want to prove them wrong: “You are sooo wrong, the law of attraction/ the thing I really, really want DOES work/come about, just you wait and see”. But when it comes to my own inner gremlin, it takes a lot more effort to convince the little monster to just wait patiently, especially when it is a long term goal or wish. It’s my impatience that spoils it, mostly. The letting go part is so difficult, to me at least. I still have to learn how to enjoy the ride. But ah, how wonderful would instant manifestation be, I sometimes wonder.
Does anyone have thoughts on how to distract yourself in the meantime (I mean the time between expressing your wish or desire and the moment it actually manifests). This usually takes too long if you aks me. Or am I being a spoiled little twat right now? How does one shut up the voice that says WHERE IS IT ALREADY???GAWD!!!!

Lorraine June 17, 2014 at 08:28

Hi
A little trick that works wonders for me is when I visualise something i want to happen I say one little sentence over and over. “Look what I made happen” or “I made that happen”. It helps to get my brain to understand and accept that I create and not anyone or anything else. It gives me a glowing feeling every time!!

Lorraine xx

Lisa June 19, 2014 at 14:10

I’ve used your technique the last couple of days and I really like it! Thanks for the tip Lorraine!

Brian June 28, 2014 at 00:59

Hey Lisa,

”Does anyone have thoughts on how to distract yourself in the meantime (I mean the time between expressing your wish or desire and the moment it actually manifests).”

You focus on the good feelings of having what you want.

You feel good and act as if you already have what you want, so there is no waiting to feel good, because you already feel good.

You always have access to instant manifestation of thoughts and emotion, and that’s all you want the physical manifestation for anyway–for the emotional manifestation that supposedly comes along with the physical manifestation.

So the feelings you believe you will feel when the physical manifestation comes, feel those feelings now, as if you already have what you want.

Cordy June 16, 2014 at 22:01

There are so many areas where I am nodding along with what you’re saying here. So many areas where I used to have an opinion about “the right way”, and now I just don’t care what other people are doing, or it seems great to me that there are many ways of thinking. And then in other areas, I have a much, much harder time. For instance, with science, it’s not currently possible for me to believe “this other person’s preference is equally valid”. (I’m prepared to believe that I might eventually change that belief, but it kind of gives me dizzy feelings to contemplate!)

Kathleen June 18, 2014 at 17:13

I am right there with you Cordy.

“. . . with science, it’s not currently possible for me to believe ‘this other person’s preference is equally valid’”
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Kim June 16, 2014 at 23:12

This thinking works wonders in marriage. I get to tell my husband, “Yes, you’re right dear!” and I’d be telling the truth rather than just avoiding an argument. I so LOVE LOA!!

A_Blindy June 17, 2014 at 00:05

When I hear a skeptic, something interesting happens. I don’t necessarily want to debate them, but I hear their voices in my head and I haven’t yet found the resources to make them leave. I then begin to feel afraid I am going to fall down and find that all of this LOA stuff is not useful. Sure, maybe everyone’s life is completely different and we are raised with different beliefs and values, but I still fear that we can’t actually effect our own reality. It’s difficult, because so long as I fear that we can’t effect our own reality, that could manifest very unwanted things if we can. And if we can’t, I would fall anyway. So I have the fear because I fear letting go of the fear in case the fear is actually correct and we can’t effect our own reality.
Wooooooo. That’s a lot of fear.
For what purpose is all of the fear, you might ask? To protect myself. For what purpose? Because it makes me comfortable. For what purpose? Being comfortable feels good and makes me happy.
I want to believe in LOA, I just, haven’t been able to completely bring myself to the point where I totally do yet.
You could say I’m not good at taking risks without calculating how risky they are.
The reason I wrote this is because it’s just interesting how skeptics effect different people, and I thought I would share how they currently effect me.
The post was absolutely great, and while I find the logic of it, well, logical, it just doesn’t help me get over my reaction to skeptics.

AH June 17, 2014 at 01:04

I don’t ‘believe’ anything until I have tested it out pretty thoroughly for myself and have arrived at my conclusion, so I am pretty much right when I’m right (and I don’t mind saying – I’m not sure) but I I actually don’t discuss anything about LOA or anything metaphysical with anyone unless I know they are already on the same page. What’s the point? Either you believe it or you don’t.
For example I used to try and convince people that alternative medicine is superior to allopathic medicine, (although ultimately I know now that we don’t need any medicine according to LOA but I’m not that confident yet) but it was almost impossible to get people to see that I was right. I thought I had a moral obligation to help them but then I asked myself, why did I feel that way? I don’t owe anyone anything really especially if they don’t want to know. Now I don’t waste time trying to help people unless they ask and I feel so much better and it frees up that head space for something else.

Mike June 17, 2014 at 06:09

I remember when I first starting getting into LOA, I was hit with articles left & right contradicting it. Fortunately, Melody planned for this by writing about every damn circumstance & piece of skepticism you can think of. Thanks Mel :-)

Ken Haberman June 19, 2014 at 19:42

Very helpful article, Melody! We may be invited to an argument. That doesn’t mean we have to attend it.

Laura June 19, 2014 at 21:53

Thanks Melanie, you are so awesome. How do you know so much?

Sagar July 7, 2014 at 09:52

Nice post

Arguments can raise at any situations, it is up to you how you handle them . I don’t believe in winning an argument every time. Instead I would like the truth or the right thing to win. If anybody is on the wrong side opposite you. then winning becomes important not only to you but also to make that person understand . There are many people who believe that right things are always judged by individuals accordingly. If some thing is right for me then it might be wrong for some one else. It also depends upon the view point of an individual.

Mostly people do not want to know any other thing when they have any point they believe. It is better to leave them, but I mostly try to make them understand. It is tough but I like to do it . As I said everything is just based upon point of view.

Thank you for sharing.
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