Coaching Call #101 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Her Manipulative, Co-Dependent Ex is Holding Her Emotionally Hostage.
This client’s ex-husband, whom she has a child with, is trying to manipulate her into giving him affection. She feels stuck and unable to move on to a new relationship, with massive guilt weighing her down.
If you’re dealing with a co-dependent relationship of any kind, especially one you can’t just leave, this call will help you to get a whole new perspective. Free yourself from the guilt and shame, and shift into a vibration that will allow you to manifest a different version of that person, by getting to the root of why you’re tolerating that behavior in the first place (trust me, you have your reasons, and it’s not because you’re stupid or weak.)
Awesome Dude: “Melody, what is your belief about the “focus” part in the process of manifesting? In other words, how long do we focus on our desire? Throughout the day? At least 5 minutes a day? Several hours during the day? I have heard LOA teachers say to “hold” a mental picture of our desire with a steady will. But… Wouldn’t that be exhausting Melody? Or is it really… the more we focus on our desire… the longer we focus on our desire… the more energy we put into our desire the faster it manifests, so it’s really a matter of how much attention we give our desire that determines how soon that bad boy comes to us?”
Dear Awesome Dude,
Here’s your video answer:
Mobile users: watch the video directly on Youtube: http://youtu.be/AN9XZsKQOgA
For you “readers” (you know who you are…)
Well Awesome Dude, I love this question because it’s one that I get all the freaking time! It basically stems from a misunderstanding of how the manifesting process works, so I’m more than happy to clear that one up for you once and for all today.
The short answer to the question “is there a correlation between how much we focus on something and how fast it comes” is “Nope”. Sorry to disappoint you, but focusing on something all the freaking time isn’t going to necessarily bring it into your reality any faster, because your manifestation doesn’t really depend on how much focus you give it.
Whether or not something comes to you today or at all is a matter of whether or not you’re aligned with it. Is there a vibrational match between you and your desire? That’s the only thing that matters.
How can you tell if you’re aligned?
How can you tell if you’re a match to your desire or not? Well, it comes down to how you feel. When you are aligned with the frequency of Who You Really Are, which is where all the great stuff is, you’re going to have an emotional feedback (remember that your emotions are your feedback system). And that emotional feedback system is going to say: “Yay! Green Light! You’re doing really good!” In other words, you’re going to feel good. If you’re not aligned with what you want, you’re going to have a negative emotional feedback. Red light. You’re going to feel bad.
Now, if you don’t pay attention to that, that negative emotion, that signal, that feedback, is going to get louder and you’re going to manifest more and more stuff that evokes that feeling within you. You’re going to have more and more experiences, for example, that will make you feel sad, or angry, or frustrated, or irritated, to show you that you’re holding on to a belief which is keeping you from being aligned with the frequency of what you want.
Um, then what’s this focusing crap all about?
So, how much focus do you actually have to give something? And what’s this focus even all about? Well, the act of focusing on specific things is a TOOL that we use to figure out what resistance you still have. So, for example, if you want to live in a new house, and it doesn’t really feel that good when you focus on that new house (notice that you have to pay attention to how you feel), it means that you have resistance. Now, if you could just go off and feel amazing doing something else and never think of the housing issue, then that’s all you’d have to do. Because feeling good is all that matters. Feeling good means that you’re aligned with who you really are and then all the good stuff is going to start coming in.
The problem is that most people can’t do that, particularly when it comes to things that they really, really want. With a desire that you’ve had for a long time, or a strong desire, you can’t just banish the thoughts of that desire out of your head. So, you’re thinking about what you want, but in a way that’s causing discord. Now you’re not feeling that good, which means that you’re activating the resistance. And that means that what you want can’t come to you because now you’re not aligned. The way that you’re feeling is letting you know that.
In that case, it can be really beneficial to focus on what you want and then see what obstacles present themselves, and as you get rid of that resistance, as you shift the beliefs that are making you not feel good, you’re going to be able to think if that topic in ways that feel better and better. The topic (that you’re thinking about all the time anyway) is going to feel better and better to you as you become more and more aligned.
But this is an exercise that we do in order to get you aligned. Focusing on what you want, does not actually bring that thing about.
Wait. I’m confused…
Now, I know that some of you are wondering, “But what about the instances when I thought of something and I got it? Like, when I focused on a Butterfly and then suddenly a Butterfly came into my reality? What about that, Melody, hm? Wouldn’t that have been my focus bringing something about?”
Ok, this is a little bit more advanced information, and I’m going to take you down that rabbit hole just a little bit further today. When you have a thought, an idea, or an impulse, that’s a manifestation; which means that you didn’t actually come up with the idea of thinking of a Butterfly, then focus on it and then bring that Butterfly into your reality. What happened is that you focused in a way that aligned you with what you wanted (in this case, perhaps to simply have an experience that proved your power), and then the first manifestation that came in was the thought – the Butterfly. As you focused on that (in a non-resistant way), it aligned you more and more and then the next representation, the physical representation of that frequency, could come into your reality. You’re not even creating your thoughts by yourself. You’re receiving it all (from your higher self, stop freaking out). That’s why I named my business Deliberate Receiving, because it’s all about what you’re receiving. The thought that you’re receiving matches the frequency that you’re aligned with.
So basically, your focus, while it’s very, very powerful, is really all about how you feel. You’re attuning yourself to certain frequencies. The thoughts, the ideas, and the emotions that come to you are in direct response to what you’re attuning yourself to. Your emotions are your feedback system, letting you know how close or far away that frequency is from what you really want. The thoughts and ideas are coming to you as a response to what you’re focusing on and what you’re attuning yourself to. So, if a thought comes in that doesn’t feel good, don’t focus on it. If you can’t stop focusing on it, figure out why you can’t stop focusing on it. What belief are you holding on to that’s causing you to think that THAT’S a better feeling thought than whatever the alternative is? But if you have a desire, by all means, focus on it to figure out how you feel about it right now, and whether or not you have any resistance to it. And by all means, focus on your desire if it makes you feel really, really good (that’s what it’s there for). But simply focusing on your desire doesn’t actually bring it into your reality.
Focusing on what you want (or anything) in a way that feels good brings anything that feels like that into your reality. If you go back to my blog post on expectations, this all ties together. This is why you don’t want to have an expectation of specifically what your manifestation needs to look like. What actually matches the full on feeling that you’re generating is probably going to be way better than the thought representation that came in. So, the house that you’re currently imagining doesn’t even come close to the house that you can manifest.