Coaching Call #091 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Leaving an Abusive Relationship.
This caller is a woman in India, stuck in an abusive family and in a relationship with an abusive man. She’s dealing with cultural issues and the pressure to get married to a man she doesn’t know or love. Abuse is a huge subject, and there was no way we could completely sort it out in one call. But we were able to make a great deal of headway in terms of finding the strength to take immediate action to protect herself, as well as beginning the process of shifting the underlying beliefs that are the true cause of her situation.
This will be a powerful call for anyone who has the tendency to let others cross their boundaries, whether it has escalated to full on abuse or not. It will also give you powerful insights into how abusive relationships happen, should you have a loved one who is currently in such a situation.
I’m overjoyed to report that this caller has already contacted me with good news: “When you told me to leave the douchebag with such confidence, somehow I finally gave myself permission to let go.”
Awesome Marie’s Burning Question: “How can you heal and release a specific fear? I’m thinking of irrational fears or phobias. I know that exposure therapy is a commonly recommended technique, but that does not feel at all in line with LOA in the vein of Abraham Hicks. It would be much better to resolve the fear on an emotional level first, before going forward with action. Any tips?”
Dear Awesome Marie,
Here’s your video answer:
Watch the video directly on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl9_o2M7Lq4&feature=youtu.be
Read the Highlights!
For those of you not familiar with exposure therapy, it basically entails immersing yourself in whatever it is you’re afraid of, in the hopes that your brain will get the message that there’s nothing to be afraid of and the fear will dissipate.
So, for example, if you’re afraid of spiders, you’d throw yourself into a vat full of spiders (or possibly just hold a spider in your hand…) and then by virtue of you not dying, your mind would realize that spiders are not dangerous and your fear would go away.
Yeah. F#%k that.
Exposure therapy can work, but…
Exposure or immersion therapy is a valid tool, but that’s all it really is – a tool. And a pretty stressful one, at that. Whether or not it will work for any individual depends on a huge variety of factors; what the fear is, how it was formed, how hard core the patient is, what the fear is associated with, etc. Not all tools will work all the time, and you’re absolutely right to follow your own guidance. If this therapy doesn’t resonate with you, then it’s not the tool that will work for you right now.
What exactly is a phobia?
A phobia is really just a fear, and while all fears are irrational, they are, like all emotions, simply messengers. If you’ve developed a phobia, it means that there’s something that’s not serving you, that you’re not paying attention to.
For example, let’s say you have a crappy job with a tyrannical boss, but according to your belief system, you can’t leave. You feel totally trapped and powerless. In that case, you might develop claustrophobia. Every time you get into an elevator, or any other enclosed spaces, you feel trapped – a perfect representation of the feeling you’re ignoring in your job.
Now, what the underlying fear is won’t always be obvious to you. If you’ve developed a phobia, it means you’ve had numerous other, less severe manifestations that you’ve ignored. This is a situation you’re suppressing or which has been with you for such a long time that it appears “normal”. Don’t feel bad if you can’t immediately figure out what the root cause of your fear is. In these cases it can be very beneficial to get some help via a friend, therapist or coach. What is a mystery to you might be blaringly obvious to someone looking at your situation from the outside.
The key is to figure out what your fear feels like and what it actually represents. When you release that fear, all symptoms of that belief will automatically dissolve along with it.
Phobias can be cured
Phobias can be released, and actually rather quickly. Immersion therapy can work, but it can also simply serve to sever the connection between the root cause (feeling a lack of control) and the trigger (heights, for example). If the underlying fear is not addressed, you may lose your phobia, but another manifestation will take its place pretty quickly. You can’t run away from your vibration.