I Want My Ex to suffer. Is that healthy?

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by Melody Fletcher on January 9, 2014

 

I’m taking the month of January off to travel to Peru and go do my own inner work (getting an energy upgrade. And possibly an oil change). In the meantime, I’ve decided to give you a little treat and answer your LOA questions on Video for a change! How freaking exciting is that? Enormously. The answer is: enormously exciting. Someone out there is shitting kittens right now. You’re welcome.

Awesome Carol asks: “So my question is, if I spend time thinking of bad things that could happen to an ex…how would this affect my life? Like if I wish him harm…I want his dick to fall off, his new relationship to fall apart; I want him to suffer, you know, all that good stuff. So I can feel like I won (petty, I know, I know). I know I really have no power over what happens to him. He will live happily ever after and all, but thinking this way, what will manifest in my reality? I’m a little worried. Heehee.”

Dear Awesome Carol,

Here’s your video answer!

If, for some uncontrollable (you know, while I’m away with no access to the internet) reason the video above doesn’t show up properly, please click here and watch it directly on YouTube.

Also, here’s the link to the video on Anger I mentioned: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DmYfvSOvEg

 

Let me know what you think! I assure you, I’ll be reading each and every comment when I get back!

Big smooshy hugs,

Melody

{ 18 comments }

Maria Bradshaw January 9, 2014 at 14:27

You are funny and make crazy things ok wish I had you every morning to start my day keep up the goodwork

Sharon January 9, 2014 at 15:18

Hello Melody,

I am confused. I thought is was unproductive to thinking negative thoughts about anything (including an ex-spouse). I surmised from all your blogs that if you think negative thoughts LOA will manifest more negative things into your reality for you to think about or experience. I thought you said to appreciate something, anything, and LOA will manifest more things in your reality that you love and appreciate?

Sharon

Stacie January 9, 2014 at 16:14

Hi Sharon,

I used to think LOA = think ‘positive’ thoughts or suffer. Now, my understanding of ‘negative’ thoughts is that they can be very helpful as a stepping stone to even better feelings, as opposed to being a place to hang out for a while. For example, let’s say I’ve been feeling powerless. Then, I allow myself to get angry at those I believe have the all power and wish death and destruction on them. Moving from powerlessness to angry revenge brings me relief; I feel better.

However, if I stay in that angry and vengeful place for too long, I no longer benefit from the initial relief. I stop feeling good and start to align with angry and vengeful experiences. On the other hand, if from that angry and vengeful place I intend to feel better and better, I may begin thinking frustrating thoughts; frustration feels better than anger. Then, I may start to understand why I felt powerless and assumed others had the power; understanding feels better than frustration.

My focus is on feeling better, so even if I’m at that vengeful place right now I won’t stay here forever. I will continue to find more and more relief, using my current emotional state as a stepping stone to the next and better feeling place.

I hope others offer their insights as well, because giving myself permission to be f@cking pissed…for a little while…has resulted in the greatest transformation in my life.

All the best to you,
Stacie

Summer January 9, 2014 at 16:50

I used to think the same thing Stacie. Think positive thoughts or SUFFER!!!! Now (thanks to Melody, once again :) ) I realize that in order to get to a better feeling place, you HAVE to acknowledge those emotions. In the past couple of weeks, whenever I would get angry, I would release it in whatever way I could. Crying at night, punching pillows screaming “SUMMER SMASH”! Well not really, an image of the Incredible Hulk just flashed in my head, so I had to use it. :)
Then I would ask myself why I was so angry and was whatever I’m so angry about worth being so angry over. 99% of the time the answer is “no” and I was able to let it go.
I watched the anger video too. Good stuff. I would suggest taking a picture of your ex, taping it to a pillow or your couch and punch to your heart’s content, until you are able to let it go.
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SK January 10, 2014 at 02:08

Sharon, I agree with most of what you say. You are not wrong.
However, what you said is about thoughts and has little to do with this post.

This post is about managing feelings.
it’s about awesome Carol being really really angry, she’s like a pressure cooker about to explode.
Her man has left so the source of the fire isn’t there any more.
Melody simply suggested that Carol vent. This way, Carol can release those pressures and get back to normal. Then move on.
This is a better approach then suppressing the anger and holding the it in.

s January 9, 2014 at 15:50

please continue posting articles. its not possible to always watch videos. especially since in my country youtube is blocked. I would rather read the articles.

Pam January 9, 2014 at 16:35

I get that she is angry, but at some point she needs to let it go and move towards forgiveness. Hopefully, some day she’ll also realize that he had to move out of her life to make room for someone better.

brandy January 10, 2014 at 03:53

Once the new man has become the the current boyfriend, then it’s easy to say the ex needed to go in order to make room for the new love. You can’t just sum people’s emotions up to “letting go and moving towards forgiveness.” Of course the person hurting wants to get to that point but to authentically get there you’ve got to go through a healing process.

Ellen January 9, 2014 at 17:13

Love your video’s!!! Please keep them coming! Thank you and I am so grateful for you and all the work that you do and share. LOVE

Laurel January 9, 2014 at 17:26

This was perfect timing for me~ I’ve been really spending a lot of time being angry at my husband. He acted in an incredibly selfish manner and he deserves every bad thing I can think of. This is a big improvement over feeling like I deserved it- so I’m embracing my anger at him right now. I know I don’t want to waste any more of my life thinking about him than I absolutely have to- but I’ve also learned from Melody that the only way out of this emotional turmoil is through it. So I’m letting it flow, knowing it won’t last forever. Then I will be free from him.
This video was a good reminder that I am on track!

B January 9, 2014 at 18:27

Haha ‘spiritual poop’, that is the funniest thing ever xD!

Susann January 10, 2014 at 01:51

Ahhh, Melody, you are a like a spring tonic! “A “spritual poo”??? I laughed so loudly at that one I startled the cat, who’s now eyeing me with grave suspicion. I am LOVING these videos and my best hope is that you keep writing your blog posts when you get back from vacation, but that you continue doing these videos now and again as well. Daily would be good. Five minutes of Melody every morning would set my day off to a perfect start!

As for the should-I-or-shouldn’t-I of anger, it took me quite a while to realize (learn) that you can’t ignore anger, or pretend you’re not feeling it while forcing yourself to think happy little thoughts. It’s like standing in the middle of a railway track with your fingers in your ears, eyes closed, singing “Lalalalalaal!” very loudly and hoping the train won’t run you over because you can’t see or hear it. Problem is, the train’s still there.

Same thing with anger. You can PRETEND you’re not angry, but it’s still there, affecting every thought you think and every emotion you feel, regardless of what your mouth is saying. You have to acknowledge it, (as uncomfortable as that can be), then release it (in an appropriate, safe way) and only then can you SHIFT to a better (higher) vibration (the vibration that manifests the good stuff). You can’t lie to the Universe or your Higher Self. They *know* when you’re angry, and they *know* when you’re just pretending to be happy and OK with it. Fake emotions don’t work with LOA.

I find if I acknowledge that I’m seriously pissed off & let it all out (privately — I usually journal or stomp around the house talking VERY loudly to myself), I invariably start laughing at myself & my little drama-fest. I mean, come on! How many times can you scream about wanting someone’s whatsis to drop off (and admit it, we’ve ALL been there at some point) before you have to admit how funny it all is. Once I’m laughing, the ferocity of the emotion eases. I might still be annoyed, but I’m no longer murderous. I have some ease, some space from my feelings. And I can then start working to shift my emotions upward on the emotional scale.

Remember, it’s not what you’re *saying* that manifests things in your reality (thank God, most of the time), but what you are consistently feeling. That’s where your intention comes from. The rest is just human noise.

Solace January 10, 2014 at 20:44

Thanks…lovely explanation.

Lily January 10, 2014 at 11:35

I love the subject, and I love the way you explain it, Melody!!

Robert Collier wrote in his book that there’s no “bad stuff”, that what we call “bad stuff” is just the lack of “good stuff”, which means that we see something as “bad” because we are not vibrationnally ready to see the good part in it. So as you’re saying in this video, having bad thoughts or anger against someone or something is totally fine. Of course the Law of Attraction will bring more of it but as long as we know that WE are the creator of our own reality and only WE have the power to raise our vibration to a higher level (by changing the subject or just thinking about the good stuff about the past relationship), we are capable of doing anything in life. If there is someone in our reality, it’s because we have attracted this person. It’s just about acknowledging the fact that we are the only person who can make things happen in our lives. This is huge, isn’t it? We have all the power we need as long as we have faith in the infinite intelligence within us!!

Larry Hochman January 10, 2014 at 22:04

Every single feeling we have serves a purpose. And since this feeling generated from a specific life event, it showed up for a reason.

Pretending a feeling isn’t there is what emotionally immature folks do. And I don’t mean that as an insult, since maturity is something we can always acquire it. But the feeling is there to tell you something. Embrace it, observe it, and let it deliver its message. Then you’ll be ready to move past it. And as a bonus, your ex gets to keep his dick. :)
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Sebastian January 12, 2014 at 05:44

The best revenge is massive success ;)

But seriously the best way to forgive is to wish your ex the absolute best.
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Bhuwan January 12, 2014 at 11:06

Law of attraction say like attract like and if we are thinking of harming anybody it will come back to us in one or another way, so why to think of that. The best way is to generate more of love in your thoughts for that person and the magic will happen. This is a tested method that the more love you generate without negative feeling the more love you will receive.

Law of attraction relationship tips</a)
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Alexis Marlons January 12, 2014 at 18:35

I guess I wouldn’t want to resort to this thinking of something negative to an ex. I’ll just end up being defeated over and over again if I have this kind of thinking and it is really unhealthy.
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