Doesn’t Being Happy With Where I Am Right Now, Keep Me Stuck Where I Am Right Now?

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by Melody Fletcher on October 28, 2013

 

Coaching Call #072 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: The Definition of Success and how to Line Up with It.

This is call is just AWESOME! In it, I break down what success really is, why and how we have to define it, and how to line up with it. Although we dig into the details of the caller’s life to some extent, this call is more general in nature and therefore, will appeal to a larger audience. Basically, anyone who wants more success in their lives should listen to this puppy.

Read the full call summary here.

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Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “I understand that to get what you want, you need to be happy now. You need to be grateful for what you already have. If you’re in a job you don’t like, the problem is YOU, and you have to change your own thinking to feel good about what you have.

My question is, if you’re putting positive energy into something that’s not what you want deep down, won’t you just manifest more of what you don’t want?

For example, let’s say you’re a cashier, and you hate your job.  Then you realize the problem is you, not the job, so you shift your thinking and start to feel good about your job. Soon, you love your job as a cashier and feel happy at work, but the job doesn’t align with who you are. Like, you work as a cashier, but where you would REALLY shine is as an accountant. Or a pop star. Or an ad exec. (Or whatever.) So wouldn’t loving your job as a cashier bring on more of “being happy as a cashier?” And deter you from attracting something even BETTER?”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

This is one of the most pervasive limiting beliefs to plague Happy Shiny Puppies in Training (aka, LOA students). If you find a way to make peace with your current, crappy situation and even find joy in it, won’t you just be telling the Universe “Hey, I’ve decided that I like this now. Just go ahead and bring me more of this. You can forget about all those other dreams I’ve been desperately begging you for, for years. K?”

No.

Let me explain.

Complaining doesn’t work

So, I’m guessing that up until now, you’ve been operating under the principle that if you don’t like where you are right now, you should gripe and complain about it as much as possible, in the hopes that the gods will hear you and rescue you. Or something like that. Well, you’ve been running that experiment for long enough to make an assessment. How’s it working out for you? Have you become wildly successful by bitching about how much you hate your sucky job? Are your coffers filled with cash, your bedroom bursting at the seams with gorgeous, nubile lovers? Do your skinny jeans fit?

No? I thought not. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, would you?

You can’t complain about your bank account enough to fill it. You can’t bitch your job into being better. You can’t argue your relationships into epicness. And the size of your ass certainly doesn’t respond to nagging. Hating where you are doesn’t change it. Ever.

Hate as motivation

Now, some very successful people will credit their horrendous early days with giving them the motivation to go as far as they did. They will tell you that the suffering they endured as a factory worker, or by getting rejected hundreds of times was good for them, as it made them all the more determined and eventually let them appreciate their success more. And, well, this is kind of true. Kind of.

You see, when you’re in a situation that doesn’t serve you and you keep holding yourself there, focusing on it, complaining about it, thinking that you can’t do anything about it, the suffering caused by all that negativity will eventually become so great that you won’t want to take it anymore. You’ll have your cattle prod moment. You’ll surrender. And, in that moment, you’ll begin to open yourself up to the possibility that another option does exist, that things can change. In fact, they have to. Because you can’t take it anymore, as it is. When you release the focus on what you don’t want and finally allow the energy of what you do want in, it can feel like you’re being caught up in a massive amount of momentum (because you are…). A lot of people will then say that they’ve suddenly become very motivated. And, because this motivation seemingly grew out of pain, they’ll often credit the suffering for it.

This is a very popular method of growing, but is it the best? Is it even necessary to grow through pain? Nope and nope. You can evolve through suffering if you like, but you don’t have to. You can just decide to focus differently now, without having to go through all that drama.

Communicating with the Universe

So, what really happens when you start to send a different message to the Universe? Doesn’t it respond to what you focus on? And if not, what does it respond to?

I’ve broken down the whole process of creation in this mega post: How Exactly Do We Create Our Reality? A Technical Explanation. Also, you can learn all the Law of Attraction Basics in my free e-book and audio, which, if you haven’t yet downloaded, you totally should. Because it’s freaking excellent. And free. And will make all my blog posts make more sense. Go on, do it now; I’ll wait. Did I mention that it’s free?

But of course, as always, I’m happy to recap the relevant parts of the process here:

The Universe responds to your vibration, which is a result of how you feel about what you focus on, and then brings you more stuff that feels like that. So, if you spend all your time focusing on your job (or anything else) in a way that makes you feel like crap, the Universe is going to knock itself out to bring you more and more experiences and stuff that feel like crap. If you, however, focus on your job (or whatever) in a way that feels awesome, the big old U. is going to bring you more experiences and stuff that feel awesome.

Let’s do the math!

Here’s another way to look at it: There’s probably a lot about your job that sucks, right now. So, in order for you to feel good about it, you have to be very selective about what you focus on. You might only be able to look at 1% of your job and feel good about it. But, because you’re a Happy Shiny Puppy in Training, you do just that and you begin to feel better. Now, your vibration is rising (towards awesomeness!), and the Universe, instead of bringing you more crappy stuff, begins to respond to your new frequency and delivers experiences that feel just a bit more awesome. In other words, your exterior reality changes to more closely match the vibration you’re putting out.

So now, instead of 1% awesome and 99% crap, your job becomes 5% awesome and 95% crap. There’s more awesome stuff to focus on. It actually becomes easier to find good feeling stuff to focus on. As you continue to emanate this positive vibration, the Universe continues to upgrade your reality, to change the ratio of awesome to crap in your favor. If you continue to focus in this way, eventually, your job will have to change. There will come a time when your current job no longer has the ability to match the percentage of awesome that you’re holding, and when that happens, this job will gravitate out of your reality and a new, much better one, will come dancing in.

The Universe knows what you want

You see, the Universe is a hell of a lot smarter than most people give it credit for. It knows what you want, down to the tiniest detail. Its knowledge, or lack thereof, of what you want is NOT the reason you haven’t yet received your desires. The only holdout is YOU. As long as you keep vibrating at “I hate where I am”, then you cannot step into a reality that feels like “I love where I am”. Such a reality exists, and it’s filled with all the goodies you’ve ever wanted. You don’t change that picture by suddenly no longer hating your job. That slate isn’t wiped clean when you stop bitching about your boss, because, well obviously, you now like your douchebag manager, so you know, we can just keep you there. No! By putting your focus on something, ANYTHING, that feels better, the Universe can now finally stop bringing you more douchebag manager experiences, and start bringing you more of the stuff from your list of what makes your toes curl.

Bottom line

To put it even another way: It’s not what you focus on, it’s how you focus on it. Just because you’re looking at a car crash in a movie, doesn’t mean that you’re going to attract a car crash. If, however, looking at that video brings up your already present fears of safety, and you keep yourself vibrating at that frequency, then you’ll eventually manifest an experience that feels like that fear, which may nor may not include an actual car crash. It’s not as simple as monkey see, monkey do. The Universe matches the essence of what you’re focusing upon and how it feels to you.

So, if you want an awesome job, focus on awesomeness, no matter where you can find it. Even if it’s just 1% of your work life, relationship, finances, body, success, etc. Doing so will not keep you stuck where you are. Think about it: if bitching about it kept you stuck, why would NOT bitching about it also keep you stuck? Stuckness is not your natural state (which is why it feels so crappy). Freedom is. Flow is. Happiness is. Joy is. That’s why when you get into your natural state, you get more stuff that feels like that. It’s not a reward, as such, as much as it just happens to be where all the stuff you want lives.

The stuff that feels like joy lives where joy is. So, if you get into the state of joy, you get to play with joy’s stuff! Just as the stuff that feels like frustration, lives where frustration is. So, if you get into the state of frustration, you get to play with frustration’s stuff. And, this is just my humble opinion, joy has WAY better stuff than frustration. WAHAHAHAAY better stuff  [*whispers seductively* “Soooo much better”].

 

{ 22 comments }

Samir October 29, 2013 at 00:14

Love.

G October 29, 2013 at 00:46

Lol! That article came at just the right freaking time.

I actuallly made a DECISION, a strong INTENT to move to a luxurious apartment a few months ago. Last week, I got kicked out of my step-parent’s house and had to move to the university library to LIVE in while hiding from guards etc. (No accomodation available, since I’m out of date)

I see this apparently “terrible” manifestation as a partial manifestation of what I want, I just KNOW what I want is really on my way. Reality is just re-structuring itself in a seemingly chaotic way to match my dominant vibration. As if the universe is telling me to fasten my seat-belt while it travels at warp-drive speed to where my vibration is pointing at.

Even though I may appear to be struggling (I sleep in a toilet! eat food from donations as well as buy outside with my own loan money) and sometimes feel un-centred from the “Vortex” (as Abe puts it..) I still have a rich inner world. Out of this rich inner world, I took several inspired actions in the way of what I want. Seeing lawyers, real estate agents, visiting my apartment and even convincing them I AM buying this in a few months! They are convinced I am a millionaire. I actually dress and feel like one lol. I know it sounds crazy but it just felt RIGHT. As if I was being guided to do all that stuff.

I also see many number synchronicities when I’m in this kind of flow, the time (in minutes) is always 11 or 22 or 33 or 44 or 55. I take it as a sign I’m on the right way as long as I keep my intent active.

I just felt like sharing this with any of your readers or yourself and see if you could relate somehow.

Pam October 29, 2013 at 16:31

Wow. For the past year or so I keep seeing synchronized numbers on my odometer every time I choose to look down at it while driving – 222.2 miles, for example. The Germans have a name for this time of number sequence which escapes me at the moment, but they believe it’s good luck.

This post came at the right time because lately I have been feeling grateful for being single and then started to worry about it, because would being grateful for it keep me from attracting my ideal partner and being in a relationship with him? Instead of focusing on feelings of loneliness and being left out on Valentine’s Day, I’ve been focusing on the positive aspects such as feeling grateful for having freedom and more time. I’ll be rereading this post a few times just to make sure I’m going about it the right way, but it seems to make sense. Now let’s keep those synchronized numbers coming!

Mandy October 29, 2013 at 01:12

Melody’s posts just keep getting better and better! Everytime I have another doubt about using the LoA I come to her site and bam!, there’s a whole post talking about it. Now I know for sure I can become happy without being afraid that I’ll be stuck where I am and never have the stuff I want. Now I just need to find a way to actually be happy that actually works for me (it’s too hard for me to conjure happy feelings out of nowhere, I don’t even remember how it is to be honest)!

SK October 29, 2013 at 03:47

To obtain the intangible happiness, look inside yourself and remember.

To use a metaphor, we are fish from the River of Love.
The secret to longlasting happiness is not about taking as much water from the river as possible, but rather about jumping into the river and return to a fish.

We are meant to return.

Mandy October 29, 2013 at 15:48

You’re totally right! I believe it’s all about setting aside the bad-feeling-crap for a while and allowing yourself to feel the good stuff. My dificulty is letting the good feelings arise and reinforcing them. Most of us adults forget how to conjure good feelings on purpose. But I remember being able to do it when I was a kid, so I know I can learn/remember how to do it again.

I wish you all the best in your journey towards a new better job!

Alanna October 29, 2013 at 01:33

Haha, I love this post! Definitely my growth area. I was just having a conversation with a friend who asked me how my job is going. And I was so hesitant to say I liked it for fear of getting stuck there (as I have bigger hopes and dreams). But I do like it and I have made such progress from being miserable in a job a year ago! I guess this is my lesson to get over myself and desire to be so “realistic” or “accurate” so my other desires don’t get missed. I’m going to claim my happy, good spaces where they exist. Yay! Thanks Melody!

Clare October 29, 2013 at 02:29

I just love the way you have explained this Melody :)

Your writing style is just amazing!

Yeah absolutely turning your focus from complaining to finding something, anything that can make you feel better and get to a happier place is the way to go!!
Clare invites you to read..How I Manifested My Dream HomeMy Profile

SK October 29, 2013 at 02:50

Thank you Melody!

I can vouch for this. It just happened to me testerday.
I was in a sucky job.
Then I discovered LOA and this site.
I’ve shifted my focus onto feeling better and more connected to the universe while I stay in my sucky job. Slowly but surely the job become less of a emotional drain on me but becoming more neutral.
Then my companny decided to move offshore and made us all redundant.

I have just lost my job but I feel OK.
There’s the fear of not getting a new job quickly but the quiet confident is stronger.

Summer October 29, 2013 at 03:57

Well I love that my hours at my job are flexible and I get along really well with my co-workers. :)
I have been trying really hard to focus on those two things when I think about my job and things have been getting better. I ain’t gonna lie though, I am looking forward to the day when my day job doesn’t take up so much of my day. I have other plans for my life. :)
Summer invites you to read..Lining Up With My Future SelfMy Profile

Kara October 29, 2013 at 05:35

Hi Melody,

Great post! I was having the silliest fear of all – now that I have the intent to move out of my day job, I was worried that I wouldn’t have anyone as great as my favourite co-worker around me all the time. Is that really why I want to stay there instead of having my own totally customized business built around me? LOL

No. So I’m focussing on how great my co-worker is, the fun we have, the great ideas we come up with together. I’m asking for more and more of that kind of energy in the future, and I know I will get it if I keep focussing on how wonderful it is (and it is wonderful).

Thanks for reminding me to follow my own paths of pleasure!

Kara
Kara invites you to read..Fun + Freedom + Free Candy = Halloween Magic!My Profile

Jo Dodson October 29, 2013 at 14:33

You are wonderful ! So funny! I love your writing style. You explain it All so well. Thank you Melody. You have helped me so much. Jo Claire, shiny puppy in training

nay October 29, 2013 at 15:33

Love you Melody. That is all. :)

Robert October 29, 2013 at 16:13

Wow, what a great LOA post.

Before reading the article, I actually got stuck for a while on the title: “Doesn’t Being Happy With Where I Am Right Now, Keep Me Stuck Where I Am Right Now?”

And I’d say, as long as you are in the vibration of happiness, you cannot be stuck – happiness and being stuck just don’t go together, it doesn’t make any sense.

For someone on the “outside”, it may appear that the happy person is stuck, but the truth is, if you are really happy, you are in the flow and you cannot be stuck.

On the other hand, someone who makes a lot of money, is doing a lot of “interesting” things… – all those things society labels as “success” – may very well be stuck.
Robert invites you to read..How To Get Into The Flow, Turn Work Into Play & Fun And Achieve Extraordinary ResultsMy Profile

Mandy October 30, 2013 at 04:55

I was just thinking, people are also scared of becoming happy and not getting what they want because they may not know how to intepret the signs that indicate the thing is coming. Or they may even not get any sign at all, which makes them think being happy is really not working to bring them the stuff they want. So they give up.

I was also thinking about people who are not shiny happy puppies but even so recieve their stuff. Eminem for instance, he’s a guy full of hatred and anger for a lot of people, including his own mom. But even so he’s amazingly rich, probably has no problems attracting women either, how does one even explain that? Kinda makes me feel powerless for being bound by the “I have to be happy before the stuff I want can come” rule and he doesn’t.

bavariangirl October 31, 2013 at 18:31

How do you know that Eminem is happy? I know lots of people with money that are deeply unhappy. True happiness comes from within, not from the stuff you have and the girls that are throwing themselves at you…

Mandy November 5, 2013 at 15:07

Hi Bavariangirl, that’s exactly what I said: Eminem seems to be really unhappy, full of issues due to his dificult childhood and even so he was able to attract money. I mean, how does this even happen?! It goes against the idea that you need to be a shiny happy puppy to attract money and relationships, and that’s what confuses me. These exceptions to the rule are kind of leading me to the theory that it’s not just happiness that attracts the stuff to you, but simply strong desire. That’s a part of the LoA thing I am still not sure about.

I agree that happiness comes from within, but Melody’s site is about getting happy AND getting the stuff you want, not being happy from within and having nothing in life, I hate that there are people that feel they need to be like this and I don’t want to be like this. That’s why we are all so eager to understand more about LoA, we want the stuff too. =)

Pam November 1, 2013 at 18:26

I know of a VERY negative ex-friend (note the “ex” part there) that is now living with a guy. I don’t get it because on her blog she actually wrote several posts about how she’s meant to be alone and thinks she’s ugly and unworthy. It isn’t just the fact that she’s extremely negative but that she’s a very angry person as well and very argumentative. I had many exhausting outings with her when her attitude came out and finally decided I could not surround myself with that kind of negativity and polarizing behavior anymore. I’m baffled as to how she attracted anyone with such an ugly attitude and negativity.

Mandy November 5, 2013 at 15:57

Hi, Pam! The example you gave me is exactly why I think I don’t understand LoA that much to be honest. How do negative people like your ex friend even attract good stuff into their lives? I see it around all the time. That puzzles me and makes me think being a shiny happy puppy is not the end all-be all. I’d like to be able to attract good stuff along the way too, not just if I become 100% happy and free of limiting beliefs, which I think is too hard if not impossible to do. I’m starting to think the secret is simply to flow strong desire, but I’m scared of trying it and having it not work.

CRS December 23, 2013 at 06:03

Pam: You are making the assumption that your negative ex-friend is happy with the guy she is with. In reality, she has attracted a man who is probably just as unhappy and miserable as she is. Most good men would not put up with the person you are describing. Do not make the mistake of assuming that someone is happier just because her or she attracted a significant into their life. Just be happy you’re not living with her! :-)

SK November 2, 2013 at 14:28

“You first create your habits and then they create you”

Happy people habituated ways to make them feel that inner calm and that inner confident (that things will be alright no matter what). From this neutral-positive standpoint, they are free to experience full range of feelings from good to bad and still remain positive about life. To these people, both extreme happiness and extreme sadness are secondary, temporary and unsustainable. They don’t waste time chasing after happiness or to fight off sadness. They focus more on going with the flow. Gradually over time, their habits will have the compounded LOA effect to bring them more happy moments then sad ones.

And that is their secret.

So what is the diiferent between these seemingly super humans and you?
The answer is habit.

Sebastian November 12, 2013 at 00:41

Your posts bring so much hope and enlightenment… It’s ridiculous. I like the simply focus on the feeling instead of getting caught on exactly how it’s going to happen.
Sebastian invites you to read..Fear Of Failure… Screw ThatMy Profile

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