Coaching Call #068 is out, and I know a lot of you have been waiting for this one! The topic of this week’s call is: Dealing With a Negative Partner Who Doesn’t Believe in LOA.
Do you have a partner who doesn’t understand or believe in the LOA? You’re going to love this call! We cover a lot of ground, both theoretical and very, very practical. Learn what you can do, via real life examples, to deal with a negative partner who just “refuses” to understand that they create their own reality, and stay in your happy shiny puppy vibration.
Dina asks: I found this post extremely helpful and with some really great points, but I’m having a problem with one aspect (Quick summary: a reader asked why the guy she thought was the ONE didn’t stick around). While I get that concept, what’s bothering me is this fellow (the one she thought was the ONE) is who SHE wanted. The universe deciding for us, to me, is akin to a parent or someone that knows better than us what we should want or is good for us. In a way, this is unacceptable to me. This makes me feel that while we have free will and can make choices, what we do doesn’t matter anyway because if the universe doesn’t want us to have it, we won’t. This seems extremely unfair (yeah, I know life is fair lol). It makes me think that events are truly random and trying to stay positive and working LOA is just to keep up hope which is great but if the universe thinks the guy I love isn’t for me than why put stuff out there at all? Whatever’s going to happen will happen without my intentions.
Does this make sense? I mean, again, I have seen LOA work — I stated that my guy would call and he did but if in the end, I won’t be with him anyway because the universe doesn’t deem it to be fit, then why I would use my energy at all?”
Dear Awesome Dina,
In the post that you mentioned, a woman was asking why the guy she thought was the ONE didn’t stick around. He came in, made her feel all mushy and then vanished. I explained that she needed to stop looking for the ONE, and accept the fact that she was always going to be evolving. She needed to look for the NEXT ONE, the one who was a match to her now. I also explained that when someone gravitates out of your reality, it is only because they are no longer a match to who you have become.
And yeah, some of you are having a bit of a problem with that. But that’s because you’re still not getting your heads around the idea that what is coming is EVEN BETTER THAN WHAT LEFT. Oh, and IT IS WHAT YOU WANT. What left, wasn’t.
Is the Universe like our parent?
You asked if the Universe was like a parent. In your question, you describe a human parent who, in their concern and fear, decide that they can’t trust the child’s inner guidance and give the child what they think is best for them instead of what the kid wants. In other words, when you asked for chocolate ice cream for breakfast, you got sugary cereal instead. Your mother, who thought that cereal was better for you than ice cream, decided she knew what was good for you better than you did (you being a brainless child, and all), and fed you what, in her opinion, was better. But because the sugary cereal didn’t actually satisfy your desire, you weren’t happy. And you shouldn’t have been.
But let’s look a bit more closely at what you actually wanted: You asked for chocolate ice cream. Why did you want chocolate ice cream? What did it represent to you? Well, you probably had several reasons:
- You wanted something yummy that would make you feel good. And you associated chocolate cake with that, because it tastes like happy.
- You were challenging the limitations placed upon you (you wanted freedom to make whatever choices you felt were right, and discover for yourself what was best), and deliberately asked for something that your mother would probably say no to. This would’ve created a situation in which you could outwardly rebel against the rules and regulations that made no sense to you.
Was chocolate cake the best way to get what you wanted – freedom and yumminess? Probably not. But you, in your very limited perspective and experience, had no way of knowing that. In fact, had your mother stopped resisting and just given you what you wanted, after the euphoria wore off, you’d most likely have decided at some point that you didn’t actually like eating chocolate cake for breakfast. Maybe it would even give you a stomach ache. And, had your mother never pushed against you in this way, you wouldn’t have had to develop an ego that would make it hard to now tell her that you no longer wanted chocolate cake, for fear of proving her “right”.
By the way, I just want to make it clear that I’m not bashing your mom, or anyone’s parents here. We all do the best we can and so did they. And I know that it’s hard to even consider not giving kids so many rules (and it really depends on how it’s done vibrationally. If you take away the rules but keep the fear, you’ll end up with little monsters who have no limits on how they constantly challenge your limiting beliefs. Oh, did you not know that you manifest your kids’ tantrums and cheeky behavior? Yeah… but let’s leave that for another post.) This really is just an example, greatly simplified to make a point, and should in no way be taken as parenting advice. We good? We good.
The Universe is not your momma
As we can see in the above example (before I went off on my tangent), you thought you wanted chocolate cake, but it wasn’t actually a match to what you truly wanted. Only, you didn’t know that. The best way to figure it out, in this case, would’ve been to just eat the chocolate cake. After a few days of that, you would’ve figured out that it wasn’t what you wanted, and providing ego didn’t play into it (or other, connected limiting beliefs), you would’ve just gone on to eat something else.
The point is this: You wanted chocolate cake, because you though it would give you what you REALLY wanted, and you stubbornly held to that notion. Being given something else, something that also didn’t satisfy your real desire, and on top of that was forced upon you by an authority, didn’t feel good. And now, you’re afraid that the Universe might do the same thing.
Here’s the thing: the Universe isn’t one of your parents. Your parents are human beings, and they’re here dealing with their own limiting beliefs. The Universe is more like a vending machine – you tell it what you want and it delivers. It doesn’t judge your desire. It also doesn’t worry about the idea that what you want might not be good for you. That concept of something being good or bad for you doesn’t exist on that realm. There is what you prefer and what you don’t prefer, but often, you need to experience what you don’t prefer in order to figure out what you do prefer, so how can the thing you don’t prefer be bad? Ah sure, other people can warn us about stuff THEY don’t prefer, because they assume that we’re all the same, so if they don’t like something, nobody will like it (unless they’re weird), but they can’t ever really tell us what’s best for us, because what’s BEST for us, is what we truly want.
Stop clinging to the chocolate cake!
In the blog post you referred to in your question, the reader had determined that this guy she’d met was the ONE. He was the guy who was going to give her everything she wanted. He was her chocolate cake and no one was going to tell her otherwise. In this case, the Universe did not step in and take away her cake and replace it with something she hadn’t asked for. It actually let her eat her cake. And for a while, it tasted good. But then, he behaved in a way she didn’t like. He didn’t call back. He essentially left. Another woman might’ve manifested an ugly relationship, not being willing to give up until she was forced to. This is the equivalent of realizing that chocolate cake gives you a stomach ache when you eat it in the morning.
The Universe didn’t take away her man. He left because he wasn’t a match to what she truly wanted. As she had become happier, she’d moved more and more into the vibration of her true desire, causing him to have to move out and make room for what was coming next.
The Universe doesn’t determine what you want. That part is your job (it’s pretty much your only job, and if you could just remember that, you’d manifest the stuff you want a whole lot faster). Like I said, it’s more like a vending machine. It doesn’t judge you and doesn’t try to teach you lessons or determine what’s best for you. It just delivers.
The vending machine
Think of it like this: You go up to this vending machine, and you say, “I want a candy that tastes like cherry”. And so, the vending machine (which is obviously voice activated, which is pretty damn cool, if you ask me) spits out a white piece of candy. You, never having seen a white cherry candy before, demand a red candy. Not for one second do you consider that you got exactly what you wanted (this is the equivalent of not being a match to what you want. You can’t recognize it even when it’s right in front of you).
So, you say “Give me a red candy”, and the vending machine complies. Only the red candy is cinnamon and as you put it in your mouth, your eyes begin to water. At this point, people will react in one of several ways, depending on their beliefs. I’ll list a few here:
- They throw both candies away, declaring that the vending machine doesn’t have what they want (this would be like stating “There are no good men/women out there!”).
- They determine that the vending machine is obviously broken or messing with them. They clearly asked for what they wanted and didn’t get it. Why is the vending machine so cruel? Perhaps the world is just unjust, or perhaps they don’t deserve to have the candy they want.
- They keep eating the cinnamon candy, declaring that it’s not so bad (This is straight up denial).
- They try to change the candy, looking for things they can do to make it taste like cherry. Perhaps if they combine it with other flavors? They read books on “How to make your candy taste the way you want it to”, and swap candy flavoring advice with their friends (do I really need to explain this one?). At some point, hopefully, they’ll get sick enough of the taste of cinnamon taste and will actually try the other candy.
- Feel free to add your own here.
In your question, you said that this guy was the one SHE wanted. And since we can get everything we want, obviously the Universe hadn’t complied. Only, that’s the equivalent of taking that cinnamon candy out of your mouth and saying “I want THIS particular piece of candy, and I want it to taste like cherry. Why doesn’t it taste like cherry? I’m going to pretend that it does taste like cherry. I’ll bet that it really does taste like cherry and I’m just not tasting it right. I’ll keep at it.” But since you don’t like cinnamon, you instinctively spit it out and it falls to the ground. Now, you grieve over that piece of candy, because it was the ONE. Only, it freaking wasn’t. And you can blame your mom or the vending machine all you want, the fact is, you stubbornly held to the idea that what you wanted was this piece of candy, when what you really wanted was what you thought the candy would give you.
You can have what you want, or…
And that’s what the Universe is always trying to give you. It will give you what you ask for, however, but only if it serves you. In other words, if what you are asking for will help you figure out what you really want, even if it does so by highlighting what you don’t want, you may well attract the thing you thought you wanted. And it will not be fun. Because you’ll realize, at some point, that even though you thought this was what you wanted, it’s not. And then, you’ll sit there and lament that the Universe made a mistake.
Do you want to know how I know that the guy in the other post wasn’t a good match to the woman? He left. The Universe didn’t take him away. He left. He couldn’t stay. The vibration wasn’t a match. No decision was made by anyone to make him leave. Just as two magnets with the same polarity will repel each other, so do conflicting vibrations have to gravitate away from each other. This does not mean that one magnet is a douchebag, or the other is broken or undeserving somehow. She could’ve manifested a situation in which he stuck around and the relationship disintegrated more and more, to prove to her just how wrong it was. But she wasn’t a match to that kind of pain. Her resistance wasn’t that great anymore. But just because he gravitated out gently, doesn’t change the fact that he gravitated out.
The only thing that ever really goes wrong is that we forget that we are ALWAYS on the way towards what we truly want. We latch on to something that we’ve determined will fit the bill, not realizing that the actual representation of what we want will be a million times better. We have learned to be so distrustful of our own power and the Universal process that’s always supporting us, that we’d rather put up with some paltry cardboard representation of what we want, than allow the real thing to manifest.
You’re going to get what you want. Just accept that as fact. Sometimes (ok, pretty much always), you just can’t imagine what that will actually look like, so you do your best to come up with some representation of it. And that’s ok, unless you begin to insist that this is the thing you want. If you can see the manifestations that come in as the next step, let it all unfold perfectly and TRUST that you are always on your way to what you want, not only will you get it, but it will be so, SO much better than anything you ever conceived of. Stop waiting for the last manifestation. Stop waiting for the thing that will finally complete you and make you happy. Be happy now. Float through life. Enjoy the ride. And TRUST that you will get to where you are going. The vending machine’s got this, yo.