Dear LOA: Are Men Hard Wired To Be Jerks?

Post image for Dear LOA: Are Men Hard Wired To Be Jerks?

by Melody Fletcher on September 19, 2013

 

Awesome Dudette’s burning question: “I have noticed a pattern in male-female relationships: why it is almost always the man who leaves the woman out of nowhere like that? Why are men so quick to fall out of love and leave for someone else without any consideration? Why it is always the man who actually finds someone else so easily to be with anytime they want? Why is it always the man who wants to cheat and actually goes through with it? Why is it mostly women who end up alone? Why is it always men who find good partners to be with while women can’t find good men?

I wonder if some things in this world aren’t totally absolute…I mean, aren’t all men wired to be cheaters? Aren’t all men wired to up and leave all relationships after a couple of years or anytime another woman gives them attention?  Aren’t they really all bad like we women hear they are, while growing up? Then why does it happen to so, SO many women? Isn’t it true that there are more women in the world then men? What would happen if all of us girls decided they want to find love, would there be enough men for all of us to be partnered up? Most of us have trouble finding any man, not just good men. Heck, I have never even met a man full of qualities ever in my life! It makes me uncomfortable just to think about an amazing attractive not-cheating nice man, cause I’ve never even seen one. It’s either a very ugly one with no qualities or no men at all, and this happens to a lot of us women. Would there be enough amazing gorgeous men for all of us if we all decided to get love?

The true nature of men in relationships has always been a cloudy subject for me, and I would really appreciate your take on this!”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

Alrighty… That’s quite a barrage of questions. I’m feeling a bit like this:

leaf-blower-pictures

 

I’m going to handle this one a little differently than normal. Instead of writing a big ass post exploring just one of these concepts, I’m just going to give you the quick(ish) and dirty answer to each and every one of your questions. Maybe you could, um, relax a bit. Make yourself a cup of tea. Have some chocolate. Spike the tea with something. Have someone rub your feet, while you read this. Maybe they could sing a lullaby or something soothing to you (Might I suggest “Soft Kitty”?) Here we go:

Why it is almost always the man who leaves the woman out of nowhere like that?

Ok, so in our society, we foster many, many bullshit beliefs. One of them is that men want freedom and women want security. The truth is, we all want freedom and we all want security. But, men and women are brought up in very different ways, and this shapes our beliefs which shape our reactions. For example, women are encouraged to express themselves more (how effectively they express themselves is another matter…), while men are discouraged from openly showing emotion. Neither are really taught to deal with their crap, although this is starting to change with more and more parents being more emotionally aware and more and more kids being born ultra-stubborn, so the line dividing gender specific behavior is blurring.

Generally speaking (and this is very much culturally influenced), when men get scared or uncomfortable, they bolt (usually because they have no clue as to what else to do. They don’t know how to have that conversation, so they run). When women get scared of uncomfortable, they internalize it and put up with it (usually because they’ve been taught that the harmony of the group is more important than how they feel, so they sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of the relationship). While neither one of these approaches is better or worse than the other, neither one works very well.

Why are men so quick to fall out of love and leave for someone else without any consideration?

Men are not quick to fall out of love. They’re just not as quick to fall in love, or rather, to mistake other feelings for love. Some women (and yes, I’m generalizing wildly here, feel free to switch genders in any of my answers if that fits the reality you live in better) will consider who shows them the slightest bit of interest “the ONE”, and will begin planning the wedding on the second date, while the man is thinking “This is nice. I’d like to get to know her better.” Without going into what causes this behavior (that’s a whole other post), what this comes down to is essentially a difference in expectations and assumptions. If these differences aren’t communicated, it can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings. For example, if the guy just isn’t feeling it and breaks it off without much hoopla (because to him, it really wasn’t anything serious, yet), the woman, who was already picking out their future children’s names, is devastated. How could he just throw away everything they had?! Well, to him, there wasn’t all that much there yet. He was in a totally different phase of the relationship than she was. There’s nothing wrong with this. The mistake is thinking that one person’s assumptions represent the “truth” for the other person, as well.

Why it is always the man who actually finds someone else so easily to be with anytime they want?

This is just a straight up false belief. It is NOT always the man who finds someone else first, nor do they always find someone new, easily. Many men are totally devastated after a breakup, and given that their male friends aren’t necessarily open to them talking it out, they may actually have a harder time getting over heartbreak than women do.

Why is it always the man who wants to cheat and actually goes through with it?

Again, this is just not true. PLENTY of women cheat. If you want to know why, read this post:

Dear LOA: Why Do People Cheat?

Why is it mostly women who end up alone?

It’s not. I know plenty of amazing men who are single. I have this theory: Somewhere, there are two bars. One is filled with women asking “Where are all the good men at?”, and one is filled with men asking “Where are all the great women at?”

You can, however, create a world where the only single people you know are women, via your beliefs. These are beliefs you might want to change. May I suggest: “There are amazing men and women who are single and looking for love”? Because there are.

Why is it always men who find good partners to be with while women can’t find good men?

So… These men who are finding good partners… are they all crap? Or are all men crap, period? Again, this is just a false belief. See the affirmation above. Repeat. Repeat again.

Aren’t all men wired to be cheaters?

No. No one is “wired” to do or be anything. You have totally free will. Your beliefs govern much more of your behavior than your genetic programming does (look up the science of epigenetics).

Aren’t all men wired to up and leave all relationships after a couple of years or anytime another woman gives them attention?

Men benefit just as much (and according to some studies, even more) as women from being in a loving, connected, long term partnership. And, it has to be said, if all it takes to break up a relationship is another woman’s attention, that relationship has been past its expiration date for some time.

Aren’t they really all bad like we women hear they are, while growing up?

No, they’re not. They’re truly not. You know, I grew up this way, too. I thought men were brutal, horrible, dangerous individuals who could explode at any moment and had to be tiptoed around and appeased. So, for quite some time, until well into my 20’s, I believed that this was what all men were like. I was afraid of them. But the truth is, there are all kinds of men, just as there are all kinds of women. Which ones you meet up with (the douchebags or the princes) depends entirely on your beliefs, or the filters you see the world through. If you put on your douchebag glasses, all you’ll see are douchebags. If, however, you learn to put on your nice guy glasses, you’ll meet only nice guys. And believe me, they are out there. Glorious, wonderful, kind, intelligent, funny, sexy, single (and yes straight! Unless you’re a gay man, then gay!), brilliant, spiritual, sexy, puppy loving, children loving, snuggly, protective, sexy, dedicated, loyal, sweet, masculine, giggly, fun, awesome, did I mention sexy men. Every. Freaking. Where.

Then why does it happen to so, SO many women?

Because so, SO many women have shitty, shitty beliefs about men, relationships and themselves.

Isn’t it true that there are more women in the world then men?

In whose reality? Even if that is true (and read the next answer to see why it’s not), it’s kind of an arbitrary statistic. I mean, do all of those men meet the criteria of what you’re looking for? They’re not all the same, so sheer numbers mean nothing. Just because someone’s a man, doesn’t mean he’s a viable candidate. Raise your friggin’ standards. The Law of Attraction can bring you the perfect, awesome dude you’re looking for at any particular time. It doesn’t have to bring you ALL OF THEM. One at a time will do, don’t you think?

What would happen if all of us girls decided they want to find love, would there be enough men for all of us to be partnered up?

Ok, so now we have to go down the rabbit hole: Considering that each of us is in our own reality, meaning, you can shift into a different reality at any time (and you do, each and every moment of each day), the number of men in any one reality at any one time really makes no difference at all. Your reality is simply a holographic projection, created just for you. There are lot more players than you may be aware of; don’t let the census bureau tell you any different.

Right, if I’ve just lost you, here’s less rabbit holey answer:  Yes. More men are created every day. If the demand increased, so would the supply. Oh, and also, deciding you want to find love and actually becoming a match to it, are two different things. Just saying.

Most of us have trouble finding any man, not just good men.

That is your reality, based on your beliefs. In my reality, most of us don’t. I may start my own harem.

Heck, I have never even met a man full of qualities ever in my life! It makes me uncomfortable just to think about an amazing attractive not-cheating nice man, cause I’ve never even seen one.

This is precisely why you have such a hard time seeing the wonderful men around you. If you can’t even imagine them, you can’t manifest them. Read the post on questions, and begin with this one: What if the kind of man I want actually exists? What if there are a ton of them? What if the men I’ve been seeing only represent a fraction of what’s available? What if my beliefs have simply been blocking out all those amazing men? What if I’m in the process of letting go of these beliefs? What if I’m on my way to that amazing relationship I’ve always wanted?

Bottom line

Men are awesome.

Women are awesome.

We’re all awesome.

If you’re not currently experiencing the awesomeness, you’re actively doing something to block it out (like an umbrella, blocking out the sun). Stop that.

You CAN have the amazing relationship you’ve always wanted. You CAN meet that incredible guy, who will be monogamous and who will adore you as much as you adore him. But you have to be willing (yes, willing, because you’re definitely able) to imagine him, to believe that he can exist, to let go of these negative generalizations about men, these decisions about men that you never made yourself but simply accepted from someone else. You have to be willing to look for the ones that defy your beliefs, despite your experiences so far. You have to be willing to focus on what you want, instead of what “is”. They’re out there, those awesome dudes. And many of them are wondering where all the awesome dudettes are at. Go figure.

{ 39 comments }

JC September 20, 2013 at 01:06

to this post by say bullshit. I am the nice guy the southern gentleman the one that women always leave. women say that they want a nice guy but the reality is they want a bad boy. women will find a nice guy and they will use him and abused him and take him for everything they can.

JoJo September 22, 2013 at 14:57

No, the problem is that you being a nice guy are attracted to women who are either bad girls or look like they are, when in reality you probably look like a very nice guy. So you should try to stick to your own…..

Lucille September 22, 2013 at 15:14

JC what’s up with that? Had that conversation with not enough to drink recently. The nice guys and the gals who fulfill that point of attraction they have. One case was just too nice and the other was too nice while not talking enough. You forgot the part where you have to be rich and a douche to get the girl. Bitter ain’t nice nor bad. Go and read Mel’s blog for a few days.
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Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 22:37

Hi JC,

Awesome Dudette here. Since I was the one whose questions inspired this post I can surely say it’s not bullshit.

I haven’t been able to have even one guy come into my life and it’s been years. It’s not like I like bad guys, in fact I HATE them and fear them, I just haven’t been able to find anyone at all. For the last 3 years I have totally given up on having someone since after so much time single it seemed like it was my “destiny”, prefering to spend my free time at home alone. There are a lot of women who also like good guys in the same situation as me.

I haven’t met many single nice guys in the same situation as yours in my reality, but my experience makes me wonder if you are by any chance ignoring all the nice girls who like nice guys and only giving your attention to beautiful perfect girls who may like bad guys. I’ve seen guys do this so so so many times (it made even me believe I did not have someone in my life because I am not beautiful).

Anyways, just wondering.

minnie October 22, 2013 at 17:09

JC, you single? if you are, let’s talk ;-)

Don September 20, 2013 at 01:11

I was ready to write a scathing reply to Awesome Dudette (ADD) but your response was right on target. It all gets back to the LOA. ADD is finding less than desirable men because that is what she is attracting! She is attracting these because that is what she expects to find. Also, she is only looking for “attractive” men. How shallow is that? I may not be any great prize to look at, but I am clean, responsible, very active, a good provider and have been in a stable monogamous relationship for many years. I also have good dental hygiene.

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:02

Hi, Don,

Awesome Dudette here! Just a disclaimer: I mentioned “attractive” men because that’s one of the adjectives Melody uses to describe men sometimes on her posts. I never actually looked for attractive men since most women have beliefs of not being good enough to choose a nice looking men and having to settle for a guy they are not attracted to because nobody else will want her.

So no, I am not exactly looking for an attractive one, but of course it’s a nice thought. I just find it awesome from Melody to say women are allowed to want an attractive guy in their lives just as much as men can choose their lady to be pretty. I live in an universe where men cherry pick women and only want to date the attractive ones, and I have always found this to be very unfair.

Laurel September 20, 2013 at 01:14

I had to comment on this post. I am divorcing my husband [about frigging time too!] I was told by numerous people that I would be “worse off” if I left him- he told me that himself, many, many times [this myth works as a manipulation tool too]. I can say this for sure- it was all BS. I know there are plenty of wonderful men out there. My ex didn’t cheat on me, I didn’t cheat on him and I don’t care if he finds someone else tomorrow. More power to him. I am just glad I finally took the step to put my own happiness first and stopped acting from a place of fear. All that crap about how there aren’t any good guys out there is just BS. All my single friends say that, and I have to bite my tongue from telling them that the problem is not the men- it’s their attitude.

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:21

Hi Laurel,

Good to know you have seen good men out there! It makes my problem seem totally solvable!

This “there are no good men out there” cliche is terrible, even my guy friends and my happy partnered friends repeat this sometimes. No wonder I haven’t been attracting relationships in my life lately! Believing there are no good men, I attracted a reality where I can’t even find a relationship, which helps me avoid getting hurt. I also hear a lot of “no guy wants to commit nowadays”. I take hearing these phrases as a reflection of my own beliefs, hopefully when I change them I’ll never have to hear this phrase a day in my life!

I’m happy for you for putting your happiness first! Go you =)

B September 20, 2013 at 01:37

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr~

Oh dear. My apologies.

Also, be awesome to be introduced to some of those amazing single menz ya mentioned… I know a lot of nice guys, but a manly harem of manliness would be epic. Just puttin’ that out there…

*whistles innocently*

Samir September 20, 2013 at 02:12

Melody, I feel like we share the same mind sometimes! This post is excellent and describes exactly my feelings towards this topic.

Agne September 20, 2013 at 02:58

Hi Melody,
This is a great post, it’s so true, I love it. :) It is great to hear tht other women think this way, not all men are bad, there are so many good (and amazing!) ones. We create our realities with our beliefs!

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:26

Hi Agne,

Awesome Dudette here! All girls should be taught by their families to believe a lot of men are good! Growing up with these negative beliefs creates havoc in our lives!

I live in a very sexist latin country, we grow up hearing pretty much every women say bad stuff about men, even the happily partnered ones! Heck, even men here say they are no good, and if a women ever says she believes otherwise, they make fun of her and say life will prove she’s wrong. Ugh.

I can’t wait to join you in the adventure of fully believing a lot of men are good! Take care! =)

nay September 20, 2013 at 04:49

ha ha that face!!

maria September 20, 2013 at 06:26

i agree there are great men out there i can’t belive i was blind to their existence for so long¡
im glad i can see them now. i think i might actually go for the harem ;)

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:28

Hi Maria,

Awesome Dudette here! I’m glad to know you can see all the nice men out there now! It gives me hope I’ll be able to see them very soon too! Can’t wait to shed all these heavy negative beliefs about them! Thanks for commenting =)

SK September 20, 2013 at 06:36

nay, you beat me to it.
yes that face!!!! OMG LOL……

talking about pictures, it reminds me about perspective.
it’s the same event but the phographer and the model must have had different experience.

each one of us use a lense to view the world with. This is our perspective.

some of use use the same old lense the whole life.
some of us are not happy with just the 1 lense. they keep chaning and experimenting…..
some use a stack of lenses, some are borrowed, some are his/her own.

many of us would upgrade/change the lense as we go through major phases in our life.

I have yet to find a univeral one-size-fit-all lense yet (not even LOA)

sometime it’s neccessary to remind someone that these lense exist and that they have the power to change lense.

John J September 20, 2013 at 07:33

Love the answers! Accurate, accurate, accurate. From the ‘being out of phase’ comment to the marriage having already expired. When the warm and fuzzy feelings are not mutually reciprocated (it takes work sometimes) the cold pricklys build up and up and up, and soon we quit looking to what “I” could change in the relationship to enhance it to whose ‘fault’ it is that this is no longer a viable relationship, and you attract non-viability. LOA works every time.

Janet September 20, 2013 at 11:52

Love this post, especially “Then why does it happen to so, SO many women? Because so, SO many women have shitty, shitty beliefs about men, relationships and themselves.” SOOOO true! I am happily married to a wonderful, sexy, fantastic, handsome, considerate man (I could go on but I will spare you :) )
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Lucille September 22, 2013 at 15:21

Janet you really really shouldn’t spare anyone ;)
Very happy to see any woman who does not hate men and has something awesome to say about hers :) )
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Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:34

Hi Lucille,

Men hate is really a powerfull force coming from our beliefs! Even Dr. Lew Hen (the Ho’oponopono guy) has said he works on cleaning women’s hate for men frequently, since it is so massive and damaging.

Janet September 27, 2013 at 13:22

HAHAHAHAHA! Ok well, lets see then. He is the only one (besides my awesome brother) who truly believes in me, supports everything I try to do, and if I happen to fail, I don’t get any “I told you so’s”. This man is willing to work 18 hour days to get us to where he believes we should be (in a big enough house that I can have my dream kitchen, library and “girl cave” too!) and without much complaining. He encourages me to do what I want when I want and never complains if I don’t feel like cooking :) he simply says “PIZZA!” lol! When I’m feeling blue he breaks his back to try cheer me up and will go out in the freezing rain to get me my favorite treat just so I will smile.

He is the man of my dreams living in my life and giving me hope and strength and peace. He is everything I ever wanted in a man and nothing I deserve, but he’s mine and I love him more than I can EVER put in words, so I don’t even try. I simply try to show him in small ways as best I can to let him feel and hopefully know (I do actually TELL him I love him) how much he means to me.

There re men out there who would do anything for his girl/woman, whatever if she will just give him the chance and reciprocate his love and devotion. Men are not mind readers and need to hear from time to time that they mean something to you, so tell him, show him, make him understand how much you love and appreciate him, if you do, that is.
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Moonsparkle September 28, 2013 at 19:49

Hi Janet, your husband sounds great! :) I love that he’s easygoing about the cooking and will go out in the rain to get you a treat just because he wants to see you happy. Now that’s the kind of boyfriend I want. :)

Also if people want to hear more about positive relationships/”nice” men, they should check out Celestine Chua’s soulmate posts on http://www.personalexcellence.co. After reading about how her fiance treats her and the nice stuff does for her, I thought he sounded like a character out of a book! lol. But it proves men like that do exist in real life. :)
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Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:31

Hi Janet,

Awesome Dudette here! Thanks for mentioning your happy experience! It makes me happy for you and gives me hope it I can make it happen in my life too!

All of us women should take a look at our beliefs about men, relationships and our self image at some point in our lives! As for me, I am tired of these bad beliefs and ready to get them out of my reality!

Thank you for commenting =)

Cookie September 20, 2013 at 15:20

Awesome Dudette clearly has strong beliefs about men. With beliefs that strong I don’t think she’ll be able to look at men differently until she actually looks at herself differently.
i.e. I don’t think she’ll be able to follow your advice to “imagine” what’s possible until she starts changing her beliefs about herself, what she deserves, etc.

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:41

Hi Cookie,

Awesome Dudette here!

What you said makes a lot of sense. Melody has explained that when we visualize something we want, our resistances will be shown though what we believe is possible. If I work on these resistances I can start imagining better stuff coming my way.

I have actually had glimpses of what seemed to be good men, but in other women’s lives. I have a strong belief that a woman’s happiness in love depends on her beauty, I’ve seen reflections of it very strongly all my life. Since I grew up being told I’m not attractive enough these results manifests in my reality. This is an easy belief to change, though, I just need to pay more attention to all the partnered women around me.

Working on my self worth is important too, but it’s not all lost because I know I have good qualities. Thanks for commenting =)

Liz September 20, 2013 at 20:04

This post is giving me good hope for the future since i now realize it’s only my own limiting beliefs here at work….
I rarely meet attractive, kind men but they all seem to be involved in a relationship already.
I’ll keep you posted! Thankx

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:51

Hi Liz,

Awesome Dudette here!

That happens to me too! It’s been YEARS since I’ve had a relationship or had a single guy interested in me, ALL men I know are either gay or partnered up. This year I haven’t had a single conversation with a possible man lol…I have just been sitting at home with my hobbies and giving up on life lol. But now with Melody’s wake up call I am sure it’s all my beliefs at work.

Let’s work on our beliefs and things can really change. I remember last time I had a relationship I unconsciously gave no attention to outside proof that there were no men for me (since I was so sick and tired and hurt from believing that) and after a while he showed up. Wish you luck =)

Summer September 20, 2013 at 20:35

I wish commentluv would let me access my “Can LOA help my love life?” blog post. I used LOA to attract my hubby and I didn’t even know I was doing it (I knew nothing about LOA at the time).
Reading this question brought back a lot of memories. I remember when I felt the same way about men. I thought they were all jerks and if you were going to be with a man, you were going to have to deal with a lot of bullshit or die alone. I thought those were a woman’s options. Until the last few years, I had never met a man who showed me anything different. I finally had enough and decided that I was OK with being single and I started discovering new hobbies and going out and doing things. Once I adopted a more “neutral” attitude about men, the men I started attracting changed! Now I am happily married. I view men pretty much the same as women now. They are people just like us. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. But they are not the horrible, awful creatures that we were brought up to believe that they are. If you think men are lying, cheaters then you will ONLY attract lying cheaters. It may be hard to imagine a decent guy right now, so my advice is to at the very least start out with a “neutral” attitude. Quit thinking such horrible thoughts about men. Eventually those thoughts will fade and before you know it, they will be replaced with more positive thoughts and you will be floored about how your relationships change after that. I couldn’t believe it when I started attracting nice guys. It was awesome!!!! I agree with Cookie in that Awesome Dudette has some work to do within herself first. Once she clears up her limiting beliefs about men, she will start attracting better quality ones.

Moonsparkle September 21, 2013 at 00:03

Hi Summer, I’ve just been having a look at your site. :) I tried to leave a comment but I kept getting the message “You appear to be a spambot. Contact admin another way if you feel this message is in error”! I’m not a spambot as far as I know! lol. I don’t know if it was a problem on my end or not.

Anyway, just wanted to say I think your blog is interesting, some good posts on there. :) I will try and comment again later!
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Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:57

Hi Summer,

Awesome Dudette here!

“I thought they were all jerks and if you were going to be with a man, you were going to have to deal with a lot of bullshit or die alone.” –> it seems like a heavy weight was lifted off my back, I have this exact belief and didn’t quite know how to describe it. Thanks for making me give it attention so I can shift it.

I think I can start with a neutral atittude about men while I clear my negative beliefs about them. I’ll read your post about love life and LoA!

Thanks for showing your perspective! =)

Maryanne September 21, 2013 at 19:38

So true! So many women get stuck in the belief system that men are horrible because of their mother’s or grandmother’s experience and they wind up in the same situation themselves. I had this problem too until I realized that for every bad man there are 10 good ones!

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 21:01

Hi Maryanne,

I agree, I said in a comment above that in my country even happily partnered women spew these cliches about men, no wonder suceptible girls around them end up manifesting this results in their realities.

That is a great way to put it, 10 good men for each bad one! Hope I am able to shift my perspective about this soon like you did!

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 20:13

Hi,

Thank you Melody for answering my question! Your posts are always amazing and this one is no different!

In understand I came across as a little angry in my questioning, and for that I apologize. These questions kind of wrote themlselves in a stream-of-consciousness way.

I got the idea to ask these questions because the nature of men is a subject I never really saw any LoA author actually discuss.

They say it’s possible for women to have a good relationship, but they never give attention to the fact a lot of us are not even sure there are good guys out there. In fact, I’ve seen some LoA guys make jokes about how men are jerks, and talk about how there are “few good men” out there. Talk about being incongruent!

Thank you again for this post! I’ll make sure to challenge my bad beliefs about men with the affirmations you suggested. Anytime my mind starts giving strength to these beliefs, I’ll reread this post as a reminder.

Hugs =)

Awesome Dudette September 23, 2013 at 21:18

Also, I forgot to mention these points that really sticked with me:

“Your reality is simply a holographic projection, created just for you. There are lot more players than you may be aware of; don’t let the census bureau tell you any different.”

“More men are created every day. If the demand increased, so would the supply.”

Even though I haven’t experienced these concepts in my reality just yet, it’s really a relief to know the number of men is not something worth worrying about even if all women became a match to a love relationship.

Sorry if I may have flooded the comment session with too many comments!

Dawn September 24, 2013 at 00:14

I happen to meet a lot of wonderful men. Men who don’t commit to me, but do end up making loving commitments to other women. I used to think like your original writer. I used to think it was the men who were the problem…but I’ve learned. I find good men all the time, I just have yet to find the right man for me. The common piece to this puzzle is ME. ;)
I know I have to change my own thoughts…cause if you ask for good men, you’ll get them. But if under that you are telling yourself they will not commit to YOU, then you will get that as well.
Got to be clear about what you are looking for…and for what you believe you deserve in order to actually get that thing that will make you happy. You hit it right on the money when you said “if you wear your douchebag glasses…all you see are doubebags.”
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Chased Woman September 24, 2013 at 21:02

I am a woman with the opposite problem. All I attract are men who want a commitment, instantly, immediately, with me, right now. I’m the distant one in relationships and have no plans or desire to marry. So what I get are males who go berserk upon meeting me and can’t back off or give me space.

Two seconds from becoming lesbian. Sick of it. Seriously, dumped another stalker dude this morning and am as close to going to a girl bar as one can be. The moment the LA sun goes down, I may be done with penis and Y chromosome for good.

They CANNOT be sane. They CANNOT find middle ground.

They are ALL crazy.

Awesome Dudette September 26, 2013 at 02:43

Wow, you don’t know how lucky you are!

I’m the awesome dudette from this very post and I wish I was in your place!

I mean, would you prefer to be alone for years without any option at all like me or be chased by men? I bet you’d still prefer your “problem” in comparison to mine lol.

I have this strong belief (that 99% of women have) that only very pretty women have guys interested in them, so you must look like Megan Fox or something, lucky you again! I wish I was in your place!

Denise September 27, 2013 at 12:06

Ok, ladies (and men), lets start practicing! I write pages and PAGES of qualities that I want and expect in my future husband and I know that – until he shows up – I won’t accept anything less! I stick them on the wall in front of my bed and read them everyday until my thoughts change into this happy reality (did Melodi mention this in a previous post? cause it works really well!!). He is: kind, considerate, charming, sweet, honest, gentle, strong, nuturing, caring, responsible, articulate, sincere, generous, etc. etc. (Maturity, stability and faithfulness are automatically implied.) Feel free to go on and on and on and describe and imagine your physical home, your life together (vacations – oooohhh!), your partnership being a shining example among partnerships – ohh its SOO much fun because you KNOW its coming!! :)

On a side note, I keep running into newly-weds (we’re talking less than one year here) who describe their husband as their first child. UH-OH!! How insulting is that? What kind of home life will they have in a few years? — Good thing that can be rectified immediately by noticing all the wonderful things your partner does do and mentioning it. It may be really small things at first… but ultimately everyone thrives on positive, happy attention – Their good, happy actions will just grow from there!!

Good luck!! :)

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