Dear LOA: Did My Intuition Fail Me? (Or How Disney Screwed Us Up)

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by Melody Fletcher on September 16, 2013

 

Coaching Call #066 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: When You’re SOOOO Close: Shifting Subtle, Hard to Find Resistance.

This call is an excellent example of how hard it can be to find the subtle pieces of resistance, when you’re ALMOST there, but not quite. This client can’t seem to find steady employment, although her vibration is so close to being lined up. Listen in as I demonstrate how to sift through all the available evidence to find that needle in a haystack. Woot! Woot!

See the full call summary here.

*************************************

Awesome Dudette’s burning question: “What do you do when you have proof that LOA works and that you create your reality but at the same time start doubting your ability to trust your intuition?

Here’s some background: Girl meets boy several years ago and says OMG! WOW! YUMMY! Literally, I shook his hand and felt a bolt of electricity go through me and it was as if for that split second time stood still (like a special effect in a movie). We became friends and a year or so later I got to find out just how yummy he was (OMG), but at that time I was not ready for a committed long term relationship, so we went our separate ways.

Fast forward to today… for the past year I’ve been thinking about him. I pictured in my mind what it would be like to see him again and when I did finally see him it was as I had imagined. I had actually manifested this great reunion! It was perfect. We spent a very nice long night catching up. A few phone calls and phone tag and then nothing; I haven’t heard anything since. Yes I am disappointed, but at the same time, if he isn’t the ONE and there is someone even better for me, then I am really, really excited and I am ok with that. But here’s what’s bothering me: I was so sure that he was the ONE. If he is not, then that means that I can’t trust my intuition, which bothers me more than maybe never being able to enjoy this extremely yummy man.

So what do you do when you’re questioning your intuition?”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

No, my dahling, your intuition didn’t fail you. The problem isn’t in the message, it’s in your interpretation of it. Let me explain, and put your mind at ease:

Why did he have to be the ONE?

People really, really, REALLY have to freaking get over this obsession with everyone they meet being the “ONE”. Yes, he resonated with you. Yes, you had a good time together. Yes, he represented much of what you wanted. But why, OH WHY does that have to mean he’s the “ONE”?

Your intuition doesn’t just yodel down the canyon with joy when you meet the “ONE”. It will light up the switchboard whenever you meet ANYONE who is going to help you get to where you want to go.

I’m going to make a big, bold and possibly upsetting statement now:

There is no “THE ONE”. There is only “THE NEXT ONE”.

That’s right, girls and boys, Disney done lied to you. The fairytales made it seem like there was one boy for every girl, one lid for every pot, one mate for every soul. Well, they were wrong, or rather, they failed to tell you the whole story. They made it seem like this one and half hour movie, this depiction of a segment in the lives of a few people, were the only really important hours or days of their lives. After that, it was just pure happiness. For ever and ever and ever. The End. How that happiness happened, what it looked like and what kept it going, well, that’s just not important, is it? The princess has met her man, the singing, animated cockroaches entertained us, the evil witch is dead, and now we can all just relax, knowing that the ring is on the finger and happiness will never leave us.

And this, ladies and gentlemen is why everyone is looking for the “ONE”, the one guy or girl who will complete them. When we find them, we can stop looking. Then, we can finally be happy (because obviously, happiness is the privilege of the coupled up), we can relax, let ourselves go, sit on the couch and eat bon-bons all day, or whatever it is that princesses do. But that’s not how it happens.

What the fairytales got wrong

I have a bit of a problem with fairy tales. I think they mess us up romantically. Here’s how (and yes, this is me, up on my soapbox. I’m feeling rather feisty today):

  1. You can’t be happy if you’re single. Both the woman and the man in fairytales are depicted as being incomplete, as long as they haven’t found their match. The woman is often trapped, helpless, powerless, waiting for her knight in shining armor. The man’s parents often nag him to get on with it already and choose a bride. It’s time to grow up, be serious. And of course, he’s lonely as all get out without her. Their main job is to find a mate. Everything else is pretty much secondary and unimportant. The message is clear: When you find the “ONE”, you’ll find happiness. If you don’t, you’ll have to get a job at the tavern, where you’ll get fat, grow warts, and serve as a stark reminder to tomorrow’s youth to get out there and find love, or else.
  2. The characters often have no standards. Let’s face it: What’s it take to impress a Disney Princess? You have to be hot (unless you’re rich) and be a prince and be in the right place at the right time. Oh, and you have to be at least somewhat of a good guy. Deep down. Possibly so deep that only she can see it. In fact, if she is the only one who can see your secret goodness, that makes the fantasy all the sweeter. WTF Disney? THIS is the standard women should be shooting for?! Hot and/or rich and it’s ok if he’s a total douche, as long as he reigns that crap in when he’s alone with us? Oh, and don’t get me started on what it takes to impress a Disney prince: She has to be beautiful. That’s it. If she’s pretty, she’s in. Oh, if she can sing, that’s a plus, but really, it’s all about the looks. This has led to scores of people declaring that anyone they’re attracted to is “the ONE”, even when they know very little about them. And guess what? There’s always a ton of stuff you don’t know about your partner. But, of course, if you think “not a total douche and good looking” are all the criteria you need in order to live happily ever after, you’re not going to look any further, are you? Trust me, you want more from your partner than hotness. Hotness can and should be on the list, but it’s not the only criteria. Most of the people I coach on finding love have horrible lists of what they’re looking for. I say horrible, because they’re far too shallow and the standards are far too low. “Nice, honest, kind, intelligent, etc.” are NOT dream qualities. They are the bare minimum. Believe me on this, you’re looking for someone very specific, whether you know it or not. And you cannot know in one glance if someone matches all the criteria you’re looking for. Which leads me to my next point:
  3. Love at first sight. Ok, I’m sorry, but this is a bunch of crap. I’m not saying that feeling a spark when you first see someone can’t lead to a life-long marriage. Of course that happens. But I am saying that this spark doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be together forever, nor is it actually required. Some people (most people, actually) need a bit of time to warm up to each other, get to know each other, let the chemistry build. Many people feel the heat, but then it peters out. That spark can mean many things. It does generally signify vibrational resonance – there is a match there. The thing is, you don’t know what exactly has matched up; you only know that something has. People feel that resonance and automatically jump to the conclusion that this person is the “ONE”. And then, if they don’t end up sticking around, it feels like they’ve failed somehow. Because obviously, there are only two categories of people: The “ONE” and “NOT the ONE”.

 

Why the “One” doesn’t exist

Ok, so now that I’ve explained why we have all these screwy beliefs about what love looks like, let me explain my previous, controversial statement: There is no the “ONE”. There is only the “NEXT ONE”.

Some of you will have read this and thought: “Is she saying that I’ll never find one person to be happy with? Will I always be bouncing from relationship to relationship?” No. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m telling you is that you are not static. You are not unchanging. What you want in a partner is not going to stay the same forever and ever.

What you want from a partner is also not simple, one dimensional or shallow. Whether or not you’ve taken the time to actually define a list of criteria, what you want from the “ONE” is a mixture of tons and tons of details that you’ve determined over your life time. Every relationship you’ve had, witnessed or even read about will have caused you to add to that list.

Now, just because the criteria have been defined, doesn’t mean you’re match to them. Your current vibration will only allow you to manifest what you’re ready for – you’ll have beliefs, some of them helpful, some of them not so much (see above), which will shape your current point of attraction.

Let’s say that the list of what you want contains 1000 pieces of data. If that sounds like a lot, I’d like to point out that your actual list will be much larger than that. All those little details of what brings you joy add up. Now, out of those 1000 points, your current vibration matches you up to 500. This means that you’re already able to manifest a guy with 500 of the 1000 qualities you want. Great. So, you meet Mr. 500, and you rejoice. Resonating on that many points feels good, and you feel the charge of it when you first meet him. As you spend time together, you begin to notice the “other” 500 points, the stuff that you want but aren’t a match to, yet. But, because you understand the Law of Attraction, you don’t complain about these things, but focus deliberately on what the absence of these characteristics is causing you to want instead. This, in turn, causes you to become a match to 600 of your 1000 desired data points.

So, your personal point of attraction has changed. You are now a match to manifesting someone who already possesses 600 out of your 1000 desired. If the man you’re currently with has the ability to match those extra 100 points, he will stick around and begin to demonstrate those additional characteristics (he could not before, because YOU weren’t a match to those points). If he is not able to mirror back ALL 600 POINTS, he will gravitate out of your reality. This is generally when most people lose their shit.

But…But… He’s THE ONE!

Here’s the thing: You’re always evolving. I’ve simplified the above example to a large degree. Not only do you continuously have the chance to become more and more of a match to your list, but you’re actually always adding to it. So, at the end of that relationship, you would’ve had 1050 data points, instead of 1000.  This is how you evolve. And as you continue to grow, you’re going to meet people who match more of your data points than anyone has ever done before. This can quickly lead you to believe that the one you’ve just met is the best partner ever, and trigger the fear that no one better than this exists. Anywhere. Because, obviously, if you’ve never met anyone better than this, they don’t exist, considering that you know everyone in the world, and all (I’m being sarcastic, but just in case you do actually know everyone, can I have Russell Brand’s number? There’s just something about that man that makes me want to pick his brain).

Of course the one you’ve just met is the best partner ever. You’ve evolved to a place you’ve never been before and the Universe is mirroring that back to you. The man or woman you’ve attracted didn’t come to you by random luck. They’re in your reality because they match what you match. They’re here to show you what you’re able to allow and what you still want to work on. They’re here to help you evolve. If your vibration is in a good place, if you’re a match to a lot of what you want, then your reality will freaking rock. The partners you attract will be full of awesomeness. This doesn’t mean you’re going to stop evolving, or that you even want to. And as you do, your partners are either going to have to keep up with you (this is what happens in successful long term relationships), or get to steppin’.

In other words, it’s possible that the “NEXT ONE” you meet, can continuously morph into being the next “NEXT ONE”. In this case, you keep evolving, but you don’t change partners. If, however, someone gravitates out of your reality, if they stop calling, then all this means is that your evolution and theirs no longer matched up, and your “NEXT ONE” is someone else. Consider it an upgrade. As long as you don’t try to hold on to the old model out of fear, this transition can be fun and enjoyable.

Why do they sometimes come back?

But, what happens when a partner you were attracted to years before, comes back into your reality? Did you make a mistake in letting them go? Nope. All this means is that your evolution(s) took you away from each other for a while and then brought you together again. Think of it as going off to different schools and then meeting up at the same job. Your paths are simply crossing again. The one who was the “NEXT ONE” a while back, has now become the “NEXT ONE” once again. He’s not the same guy he was back then, and you’re not the same girl you were back then. Your lists have evolved and so have you. So really, no one has come back, it’s just that an old model morphed into a new one (as did you), and you are now a match to each other on that level.

Sometimes, as in this case, the “relationship” with someone is very brief. They come into your life, not to become a partner, but simply to show you something. This something can be positive (look at what awesomeness you’re a match to!) and/or negative (something causes you to react negatively, which is a sign of you holding a belief that isn’t serving you). Your intuition will lead you to them (the spark!), so that you don’t miss the message. This doesn’t mean he was the “ONE” (remember, the “ONE” doesn’t exist). He was simply there to get you ready for the “NEXT ONE”, but didn’t have the ability to continue to match you.

Bottom line

While I can’t tell you exactly what happened here without talking to you, dear Awesome Dudette, here’s what I think: You were focused on what you wanted, but you were also focused on this man, as a representation of what you wanted. There’s nothing wrong with this. He came back into your life because he did match some of your points, and it felt good. But, he also didn’t match quite a few of your points. I think you saw some of these missing characteristics, some of the less than ideal stuff, and you told yourself that they were ok, you could put up with them. You were willing to forgo finding the “NEXT ONE”, in order to settle for this man. And the Universe said no, because it knows that you can do better. Your “NEXT ONE” is waiting, and this man ain’t it, honey.

Your intuition didn’t fail you – it led you to the “NEXT ONE” and will continue to do so. You simply had the mistaken idea that getting an intuitive hit meant you were “done”. But that’s a little bit like a three year old saying “I have learned and experienced all I’ll ever want to learn and experience.” Awww. How cute. You’re nowhere near done discovering the wonders that the Universe has in store for you. It’s just going to get better and better. Let the “NEXT ONE” come. And the one after that. And the one after that. And yes, as you get closer to matching your own list, the likelihood that you’ll meet a man who can keep up with you through your evolution will increase. But, if you make your evolution, your growth, your happiness, your joy more important than anything, then even if a guy’s path takes him away from you, you’ll understand that nothing has gone wrong. Everything is going right. You’re simply evolving, getting better, upgrading, moving into more awesomeness. No, your intuition hasn’t failed at all, my dahling. It succeeded. Take a bow and keep moving on up. The “NEXT ONE” is waiting.

 

{ 43 comments }

Lori Gosselin September 16, 2013 at 20:35

Hi Melody!
This is feisty but true! The NEXT one – LOL. I Love it!
I wonder what you have already said (I’m assuming “already”) about soul mates and twin flames. In another post perhaps? I know Disney and so many other romance movies and stories set us up good for this one, but modern new age thinking is calling Prince Charming by these new names. What say you about this Oh Feisty One?
;-)
Lori
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Moonsparkle September 17, 2013 at 20:39

Good question Lori. :) Soulmates and especially Twin Flames are the new name for “the one”! I’m interested to hear the answer. :)
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Kaia September 16, 2013 at 20:46

I’m someone who evolves rapidly, and thus haven’t dated anyone for very long, and I’ve never been in a romantic relationship (I’m 25). I know I change maybe more than other people I know, not only because my thoughts change, but my appearance must change (even without something obvious like dying my hair) because people hardly recognize me from year to year.

What advice would you have to find the balance between evolving and getting better and better … but still being able to connect and have meaningful (longterm) relationships?

Dana September 16, 2013 at 21:02

Dear Melody,
This is so well written. I have been going through a very similar experience and needed this very post! It’s wonderful how things work out sometimes. Thanks for sharing…..

Tabi(tha) September 16, 2013 at 21:03

I love this post! As I’m sitting and reflecting on the ‘next one’ in my life I’m realizing that there might be a ‘next one’ far sooner that I’m aware of. I always find it interesting just how much current societal beliefs on romance still influence me. I think I’m going to start using the phrase ‘next one’ to clarify what I’m looking for – and get to work on expanding that list into a 1000 points so that I can get clearer on what I’m looking for and work on receiving it in my life. Thanks Melody – you don’t know just how helpful this is for me :)
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Ange September 16, 2013 at 21:13

Yes yes yes! This is exactly what’s needed to read.

I am in the process of manifesting the perfect relationship, and I’ve found that in my experiences with TEH MENS, one if the best attitudes to adopt is that if it doesn’t work out with someone, not to take it as a personal attack on yourself, but kinda sit back all zen-like and observe, “Hey, I guess we’re on different paths,” and then I choose to focus in whatever is going in in my life, right in front of me, and to be grateful for it– because, for me, gratitude is the fastest track to feeling good.

Another thought, which I read on this blog and is something I’ll repeat to myself if, “Him, or someone even better.” Just the idea that someone better, beyond my imagination, is coming my way, is, really, really comforting– *especially* when I am in a state of gratitude and appreciation (and *already* feeling so good!).

I am surprised at how, once I get into it, easy it is NOT to worry and just enjoy life.

Agne September 16, 2013 at 21:26

Hi Melody,
Usually I don’t post comment on blogs but I feel inspired to do so today. :) I write this message for the poster, cause I think maybe it will resonate in her heart. I just want to share my opinion that yes, maybe there is a “one” for the people who in their hearts desire the “one” or the twin flame. And I write this so that she, the poster, if it feels right and true to her, does not feel that she should give up on her dream of one love. Go inside and you know the truth within yourself. That is where the true truth lies, you know yourself best. :) Listen to your heart and don’t give up on your dream if you cannot yet see it, be patient, he will come along someday whether he is the same guy or even more wonderful one. :)
Believe in your dreams and love! Stay strong! <3

Mandy September 16, 2013 at 21:36

So, if there are many “ONES” out there for each one of us, then it means lonely women are lonely not because there is NO ONE for them out there, but because their vibrations are not yet a match for a relationship, right? (Hopefully that is not too dificult to change.) That is a nice positive perspective! Sometimes people (mostly women) get so caught up in aloneness and small minded beliefs that it gets to a point where they sadly believe there is not even one person out there for them!

The idea of having to have many relationships is a little bothersome though, a lot of us dream of finding something stable and long-lasting.

Thank you for the great post =)

SK September 17, 2013 at 06:32

@Mandy

1. Lonely women
you’re right.

2. “The idea of having to have many relationships is a little bothersome though, a lot of us dream of finding something stable and long-lasting”
this is a women thing. Men don’t think like that.

let me explain.
- for the human species to survie and to thrive, the human male are built to “go forth and multiply”. He will do his best to mate with as many female as possible and produce as many offspring as possible before he die. Having 1 partner for life doesn’t make sense to him.
- the human female on the other hand instinctively wants to control the quality of the offspring. And so she is naturally picky with who she is mating with. she will do her best to find the alpha males but if none is avaiable, she will go for second best – a healthy one. IF she is really picky, then she would rather wait.

- in a natural environment, there are more girls then boys to make sure we can always make more babies.

Disney’s “one true love” idea probably came from his wife.

Lucille September 17, 2013 at 15:52

Men don’t think like that?
How do I always meet those wanna-be prince-charmings? And by meet I mean “was nice talking to you”

Although Mel is right. Gals have a Disney fetish which I’m not encouraging by having said guys with the same fetish do exist.

The Alpha trend is almost amusing. Proves how believe can work miracles.

Mandy September 17, 2013 at 16:38

Thanks for the different perspective Lucille!

I probably attracted that not so nice comment because of my horrible horrible beliefs about men. Other women I know have completely mind-blowingly 100% different experiences, you would not believe it I told you. It’s really all about belief. Thank God I finally noticed all the evidence in my face this instead of giving up on life.

I better change this belief soon before the manifestations of “men are horrible cruel beings” get worse and I get bitchslapped out of nowhere by a man (yes, my beliefs are that bad)!

Mandy September 17, 2013 at 16:40

Oops, I made some gramatical mistakes due to typing in a hurry, sorry for that!

Mandy September 17, 2013 at 16:26

Hi SK,

I know how the whole biological works, but thanks for the explanation anyway.

When I said “a lot of us” of course I meant women. Although I have actually met men who wanted a long lasting committed relationship and get married and all that jazz. (you’re probably going to say I’m wrong and these men don’t exist)

Still, I don’t know why you got out of your way just to use this condescending tone, probably hoping it would make me discouraged. No need to use condescending phrases such as “Disney’s “one true love” idea probably came from his wife.” to prove your point.

Recieving this message from you is probably a reflection of my beliefs that all men are no good. Thanks for making me pay attention to that so I can shift it. (Not trying to be smug or anything by the way.)

Thanks for the chat anyway.

SK September 18, 2013 at 03:52

ahhhh….. my little plan worked perfectly.

lately there are hardly any responds to the blogs.
I got bored.
so I came up with a little plan.
see what my little post did?
It got people talking and sharing their views.
It got you trying to correct me and in the process, realised something about yourself.

Mandy September 18, 2013 at 04:29

I didn’t know that even a positive site like this had this type of borderline-trolling in the comments section, that is kind of endering.

I wasn’t trying to correct you. I just found it ironically funny that with so many comments to choose from, the one to be trolled had to be my comment.

Looking foward to the day when I won’t attract mean spirited people in my life anymore, won’t that be just amazing =)

SK September 18, 2013 at 06:55

I detect passive aggression…..

you just called me a troll and a mean person.
how do you think I would feel?
who’s hurting who here?

as for me targeting you, don’t take it personal. I just picked one at random.

Kim September 16, 2013 at 22:00

Whew! Standing ovation Melody! So very well explained and illustrated. You make the relationship thing so manageable and able to digest without going apesh**t when people gravitate out of our lives. Even as a married woman, it reminds to continue to pursue ME and allow life to unfold without fear and hesistation. Everything is always ALRIGHT!

Thanks Mel!
Huggies and Kissies!

Andrew September 16, 2013 at 22:16

Nice post, Melody. I can definitely see that neither my spouse nor I are the same people that we were when we met. Mutual evolution has been the key to the continued success of our marriage.

Now to the important part of my reply: would the person who knows everyone and is giving Russell Brand’s number to Melody also please arrange for me to be introduced to Taylor Swift? I’d be most grateful :)

Ellie September 16, 2013 at 22:34

“bon bons”?!?! WTF?? Laughed my way through that article because of those bon bons. :-)

Great post as usual Melody, and thanks for the laugh! :-)

B September 16, 2013 at 22:46

Haha I love Disney, but I would have loved to actually see these ‘happily ever afters’. Sequels, anyone?

Philip Harris September 16, 2013 at 23:36

Not quite. Disney was mystic and belonged to some interesting ‘fraternal orders.’ He really wasn’t talking about a woman needs a man and vice versa. He was talking about duality and how the male and female energies come together, they create a new condition of balance and harmony. It’s about polarities and the alchemical wedding.

nay September 17, 2013 at 13:55

love that Philip. But of course Mel used him as an eg to expose a particularly common belief :)

Philip Harris September 17, 2013 at 14:18

I know and on the surface I’m sure most people think in the box regarding Disney. Mel always does a great job. But like Shakespeare, Disney was ‘connected’ and their major works are some of the most mystical available.

ayanda September 17, 2013 at 05:16

wow mel you truely rock,much love to ya!
ive always suspected this “the one” fairytale is just a way
“they” were trying to keep us all in a line they could control, so to speak.
the question thats eating me up or rather burning in my mind then
is “what about children” i mean yes u match with the next one and the next one
as you evolve,so whats the story when it comes to kids?

Samir September 17, 2013 at 06:01

You absolutely nailed it with this post! Could not agree with you more. As our desires continue to evolve, so must our relationships. We tend to fear change, but change is the only constant in life, and can be a joyous experience if we allow it to be. Thanks for this Melody!

tony September 17, 2013 at 06:40

Hi Mel,
It’s next to impossible to grow together with another person in real life. Decisions are very tough to make, especially when there are influences from external sources and a mind that has not be in control for years.
I know that is not new to someone who screams “don’t insist on people who are not interested” but trust me, I have a really good point to make. Actually two points. No, three.

1.Basic stuff-Tony style: Focusing consciously is like having in my mind that I go straight for 500 meters and then turn right after the Bakery shop. Lack of focus is when noticing another car passing by and the brain waits to see what’s going on with the other car (and no excuse is valid not to do that). The words “what a dickhead” after noticing what’s going on are called “a thought”. Enough with the essentials , let’s go straight to Disney-soul mate-crap.

2. For a man or a woman to build confidence, one criterion must be met: Choice. If someone doesn’t trust he’ll find someone soon, the obvious route to choose is “stay where you are until…”. Since we already know that this loa crap will give more “stay where you are” stuff, we have only one valid option. BOOBS. Let’s be honest. Men like women but they don’t like their insanity. There’s nothing better than manifesting something you REALLY like (and manifesting an abundance of it) without the unwanted stuff. Just imagine getting a ride and seeing women of all good shapes and tastes (to choose from) instead of manifesting suicidal old people or nervous wrecks. This gives knowledge on manifesting and as we already know, knowledge equals power. Excuse me for my french, but last time I checked, men are real pros on manifesting porn as long as they are safe (mostly alone), even when they don’t realize they are manifesting. The problem begins when real flesh enters the game.

3. Point number three tells us that Disney was right on one thing. One of them has to be rich. Yeah, the prince can find the princess even if he’s broke, but it’s not fun if they can’t pay the servants. Riot imminent.

One last thing. Please, tell Universe that it sucks. Really. It should have a God mode cheat for super extra lazy empaths who face sheer heart attacks when someone whispers the words “marriage-job-be happy together(aunts, kids and puppies included)”
Spiritual hooligan out.

Kathleen September 17, 2013 at 07:16

Melody this post was SPECTACULAR. And HYSTERICAL! It makes PERFECT sense, is crystal clear, and appropriately makes fun of all the right movies.

As Kim said ‘Whew! Standing ovation Melody!’ You are THE BEST. Nobody does it better. Have you been told yet today :D

‘Consider it an upgrade‘. **still laughing** It would have really helped at the time if I had realized that losing my starter-husband was actually just a step towards an upgrade for me. Hahahaha ** wiping the laughter tears from my eyes ** You out-did yourself on this one. xoxoxo
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Kathleen September 17, 2013 at 07:19

Adding my request to the person who knows everyone. Matt Damon’s home address please.
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Moonsparkle September 17, 2013 at 21:18

Hi Kathleen, just yesterday I saw that someone posted on a Facebook page that she went to Matt Damon’s house for her niece’s birthday party! (Her niece and his daughter had a joint party). Although she probably wouldn’t be allowed to give the address out, lol.
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nay September 17, 2013 at 14:01

Russell’s brain is what makes him so sexy…swoon
Your posts lovely Mel are highlights of my week :)

Just call me A. September 17, 2013 at 14:19

Nice post! One thing the Disney princesses do well is pre-pave and feel good no matter what, so that helps the process leading to the manifestation.

We must remember that marriage is a human invented phenomenon in a time when the vibration was very low. So, to me that is an indicator of how flawed it is. Marriage can indeed lead to a lot of pain and suffering if one is with the wrong person so, it would have been better and more peaceful to remain single for a while longer. Last month I read about the horrible marriage of JFK Jr. and Caroline Kennedy. It seems death was a way out to relieve the pain they both endured. Yet, society wanted them together and they were following these unwritten rules imposed upon them. This is the sad part.

To me, others within themselves are so sad and empty, they tell others to marry. What else can it be? There is no other logical explanation to society’a obsession with love and marriage and the baby carriage. this package deal. Many masters escape marriage and family duty to follow Source. This says a lot to me and how silly they think human practices are. That is why many isolate themselves for many years.

without understanding fundamental concepts if duality, etc, you can’t impose stuff on people. Of course there is live and you can experience relationships, but saying that it will lead to happiness is kind of an indication of where society is right now. My opinion.

solace September 26, 2013 at 15:12

Hi A,

I can see where you are coming from,i get to hear plenty of old fashioned advice to get married and have kids.The funny thing is that the proponents of this seem miserable most of the times and me thinks it becomes more of a case of misery loves company…so they push it so hard on others.

Just call me A. September 27, 2013 at 02:17

Haha, solace, I just read this quote from Vibeshifting.com: Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony

Happiness is actually a risk for some! That is how far away they are. This is too bad, but hey, the point is to know better than this. I also heard a podcast today in which a writer said she appreciated her extreme sadness, which forced her to get clear on what she really wanted, wrote it all down on paper, and forced herself to leave an abominable job situation. She is now a well-known tv show writer. So, it is really up to the individual.

solace September 27, 2013 at 16:15

I fell laughing from my chair reading your quote by Robert Anthony…u nailed it:)

Mandy September 17, 2013 at 16:46

Now I’m actually curious about the whole number of men and women thing.

There are more women then men everywhere, right? What would happen if all women decided they don’t deserve to be alone and aligned themselves with having a good relationship with a decent man. Would there be enough men for all of them? The bad men out there would change in response to their vibration and become good men?

Dusty September 17, 2013 at 16:48

OMG!! You are channeling my mom!! TV, growing up, was full of strange cautionary tales! (people wonder why I don’t watch TV)

I Dream of Genie: A woman who only lives to serve, hoping for some affection returned, not allowed to use her personal power for her benefit.

Bewitched: A woman who suppresses her true nature to please a man. When her true nature comes out, there is usually chaos stemming from what he might think or feel about the situation. Her poor daughter, being taught to do the same since birth.

Brady Bunch: A proletariat whose only form of power is by owning his female. She in turn, was isolated, the maid was only a psuedo friend who could be dismissed at any time (probably picked out by the husband), brainwashed into thinking her only worth was her children.

And on, and on, and on…..

Her dating/marriage advise was: Date as much as humanly possible. Don’t fall madly in bed, you are telling them you don’t value your time as much as you value their desire. Make them jump through a few hoops first, don’t worry, you probably will make a few jumps of your own.

Everyone is compatible in someway so don’t fall for the first one. Love is actually a hormone driven, brain chemical device which is there to insure the survival of the species. When looking at love, look at it honestly. The feel good chemicals only last about a year, is the object of your affection a good friend without all those blurry eyed chemicals?

What you bring to the relationship is just as important as what they bring. It’s cheaper to pay for daycare and a maid than paying for a family. So you can be replaced easily if that is all you are offering. Have a common goal for marriage (the enslavement of women). Do you want to change the world? Make sure that he is on the same page, if not the relationship will become an unnecessary burden.

Know your boundaries, write them in stone not in sand. Know theirs and respect them as long as their boundaries do not cross yours.

Never get yourself in a situation of isolation. It’s too much pressure on them and you. Keep dates with friends no matter how crazy your life gets. Make new ones as your life, goals and passions change.

No matter what, remember you are not stuck. You can change your mind. You have the right, the means and the ability to get out of the relationship.

Moonsparkle September 17, 2013 at 23:09

That’s good advice. Thanks to you and your mum for that. :)
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Ayla September 18, 2013 at 07:10

Dusty, you nailed it on the summaries of some of my favorite shows I watched as a kid. Back then I was too young to see right through that and in hindsight, I think those shows and my own mother actually helped to shape my roles with men early on in my relationship years.
I saw what the “good girls” do and heard all that “Stand By Your Man” schtuff and went to church… all the messages were the same, basically: A woman’s role is to please the man and deny herself. If she stays naive and COMPLETELY oblivious, I guess this could make a woman happy until she suffers from The Feminine Mystique. I think our natures are to think “we should be lucky to get a man” or, “this is how it is, so if I just play this role of course I will be perfectly happy and fulfilled too (as long as I’m so busy doing housework and raising kids that I don’t have time to think about what I really want or need).
There were many years that I didn’t see these shows on TV at all, and then when they started appearing again, I saw them through more mature eyes and called Major B.S.! And I got really, really mad. Because in some ways I inadvertently fell for the lie, myself.
Thing is, sometimes when we finally “wake up”, the timing sucks. We’ve become so enmeshed with the realms of family and children and wifery and by then everybody just slaps the label of Mid-Life Crisis on it and calls it a day, or prescribes the poor woman some anti-depressants. UGH…. Super UGH…!
Don’t get me wrong here. I LOVE men. My best friends are men. And that’s mostly because I share many of the same hobbies with them and when I hang out with most women, I begin feeling so oppressed because so many of them are still in the same limited mindset and still believe the lie. And I think all of this came about because (no offense, guys–you didn’t start it, your ancestors did) men knew deep down that women, if left to grow and thrive, would totally intimidate them (and that’s putting it mildly.
Oh, look. I have gotten off on a wild crazy rant that sounds like feminism on steroids or something. Wow. I guess it bothered me more than I realized it did.

Bottom line, though, and hopefully somewhat back on topic: at the very least, if a relationship doesn’t work out, we can have grown from it and learned much, especially about ourselves. The key is to keep growing, and not to repeat the same patterns over and over. When we get closer to, as Melody says, Who We Really Are, and truly resonate and revel in that, the One is more likely to show up–and the relationship is more likely to work out–beautifully.

Dusty September 18, 2013 at 16:33

I am very lucky. My mom was a radical feminist. Radical in the notion, that women were not striving to be superior but equal to men. Equal pay, equal choices (family, fertility rights, career, education, ect.) and equal under the law. Where the feminist movement failed was it told women they could have it all without telling them you have to change your mindset. The message was muddled because women were now free to make all these choices while still being told a family (husband/man) made you complete.

What do you really want from a man/husband?

Help raising kids? Get with a meetup dot com group, meet some awesome women. Have switch days. They watch your kids on one day, you watch theirs on another. The more women you know, the better your chances are that someone else has passed the moment you are in with your kids. There is also a good chance someone will try to “other mother” you, trying to tell you to do something that they would do but you wouldn’t. Thank them for their interest but firmly (without being ugly) state what you intend to do. Good boundary practice.

You want more financial support? Educate yourself. The more education you have the better chances of finding a good paying job. If it is not possible at this minute, find out what you would need to for it to be possible. Work on each step till it is possible. Put back money that is just for you. I don’t care if it is $5 a month. Don’t touch it until it reach an amount that could pay for the down payment on your education.

Emotional support? Com’on. Females do not process emotions the same way as men. Women are better at supporting each other.

Someone who finds you sexy? Find yourself sexy. Wear something naughty under your clothes. Exercise. Especially if you don’t want to. When something gets hard, when you are pushing for that last crunch, grunt “I am worth it!” Jillian Michael has the 30 day shred on youtube. Free. If you don’t have hand weights use tomato cans.

Someone who respects you? Respect you. Create your boundaries, especially with your kids. If you decide you are going to workout, dance, paint or whatever makes you feel good at 9 am to 10 am, let them know it is your time. They have to do something else. My 3 year old knows when I put the kiddie gate up across his room, he is not to cross it even though he can easily scale it. (I have a timer set outside the room attached to the wall, when it goes off he can come out.) You are telling your kids you are important too when you set these sort of boundaries. (BTW, the first week you will spend your “me time” putting them back where they are to play without you. They will get it.)

Someone who talks about you with affection? You start it. Talk good about yourself, especially to your kids. Did you see that? Mommy did the dishes/exercised/read a book/took a shower! She did a very good job. I am so proud of myself. Aren’t you proud of me? I am proud of me! This breaks some of the ugly self talk and teaches them the value of a job well done. It also helps you get around the “I really don’t wanna…” I have a friend I call up, “I did my workout! I am so proud of me! I’m smelly but I did it.” She lets me know I am an utter nut ball while enjoying my nuttiness.

Someone who sees you as an asset? See yourself as an asset. Set a goal each week. I am going to make a new friend/write a chapter in the novel I have been wanting to write/learn how to speak French (the first lessons)… Whatever you choose, work on something that is completely do-able. Something that gives you value in you. Make the statement “I am worth my time”.

It sounds like a lot of work. You are worth it.

Once you have your needs met, that is when it is a good time to invite another person into your life. They are not there to validate you. That is your job.They are there to enhance what you already have.

Ayla September 18, 2013 at 00:21

I’ve thought many were “The ONE” because I had those experiences that seemed just like it is in the movies. Time stands still, everything around you disappears, you hear music but there’s none playing… all that. So of course, having been brainwashed by Disney (I say that so disrespectfully, but those old movies did give me hope that someday my Prince would come…!), I’d think this was it, Happily Ever After, The End.
EGAD, was I wrong! The funny thing is, these guys, each of them, weren’t the ones who changed. I did. I was constantly evolving and I guess I outgrew them. Then I’d resent them for trying to keep me in a neat little box, and it would start falling apart.
This pattern keeps repeating itself, even now, with the One I made a family with. Ouch.
So I fully believe there is probably not a Mr. or Ms. Right. There’s Mr. or Ms. Right Now or Mr. or Ms. Pretty Good for a Long Run But Not Forever. But I guess it works for some people. Like Disney Princesses…

H. September 18, 2013 at 15:14

Hello! :)

There is a music so amusing by Jacques Brel called “Au suivant”. I think a US singer recently sang an english version called Next. This has nothing to do with the post, but Jacques Brell is so expressive and funny and you can see he is amused when he sings that, and fakes a bit of drama.

Take care!! Kisses

Jessie September 18, 2013 at 18:19

I also think that this idea of ‘the one’ needs to be dropped…as you say, we are continually evolving and if we want to be happy, our lives have to evolve with us – including our relationships.

Awesome post as always!!! Thank you =) =)
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Christopher October 2, 2013 at 00:15

Melody, you are so awesome! I freakin love you!!! You are such an amazing, beautiful woman with GREEAAT CHARISMA!!!!!!!!!!!

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