Dear LOA: Help! My Gratitude Made Things Worse!

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by Melody Fletcher on July 4, 2013

 

Awesome Dudette writes: “Dear Magical Melody, I have been studying LOA every day for the last 2 years. I have had some very nice results on a few things. But something goes very wrong when I spend time being grateful. Two examples: First, I am walking in a beautiful park thinking and thinking of how great my life is: my job, my boyfriend then the next day I get laid off and I find out that my boyfriend is married. #2 I get in my car one morning thinking how great it is to have a car that starts right up every morning and is so reliable. Then next morning I go out and my car won’t start. WTF? Can you tell me what is going on here????”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

First of all, thanks for the “Magical Melody”, although it does kind of sound like some kind of street drug (think about it. You can’t unhear it…). Ha.

Second, I’m glad you gave me two examples, because there can be two possible causes to what you’re describing, and you’ve perfectly set me up to explore both. You go girl.

Pure Gratitude

When you’re putting yourself into a state of gratitude, you’re reaching for quite a high vibration. You’re thankful for something positive that’s come into your life. If you’re in a pure state of gratitude, you’ll be aligning yourself with the energy of what you want. This is a good thing. We’ll talk about the not-so-pure state of gratitude in a second.

When you align yourself with the energy of Who You Really Are and what you really want, your physical reality is going to have to mirror that back to you. This means, shit’s gonna change, y’all. Sometimes it changes a little, sometimes it changes a lot. Sometimes crap you don’t like is going to gravitate right out of your experience, making room for stuff you want. Douchebags go out, while Happy Shiny Puppies come in. Sometimes, this can be experienced as stressful, for example, when you lose your crappy job, which you’ve always hated. The key, of course, is not to panic when stuff starts to morph (and therefore mess up your vibration), but to trust that your focus on good feeling stuff is lining you up with what you want.

What doesn’t serve you gravitates out

So, in other words, the situations that don’t match what you really want begin to gravitate right out of your experience. And sometimes, what doesn’t match may surprise you.

Your boyfriend didn’t just get married. He was married the whole time. You simply didn’t see it (or didn’t choose to see it. Your filters, or the way you were focused, didn’t allow the evidence of that marriage to enter into your reality). So, you were going out with a two-timing jerk the whole time. By aligning yourself with the energy of what you really want (and I’m guessing you don’t want to be dating a married guy), you were able to see more evidence. Your situation became clear. What hadn’t been serving you popped right up so you could make changes, and therefore make room for the dreamboat you really want. You can’t attract what you want while holding on to what you don’t want. And that’s true even if the stuff in your life seems like something you want, even though it isn’t.

The jerk you were dating revealed himself to be a jerk. The Universe simply shone a spotlight on what was already there, so you could kick him to the curb.

The same thing almost certainly happened with your job – it was probably not a match to what you really wanted. This doesn’t necessarily mean it was horrible. Things don’t have to be BAD to not be a match to what you really want to create. They may simply not be as fabulous as what you truly want.

“Not Bad” is not the goal

You see, most people are under the impression that the goal of this Law of Attraction work (and therefore life), is to eliminate pain and suffering. And it is. But that’s not the whole goal. We’re not here to simply be ok, to just be NOT in pain, to be NOT sick, or to live in ways that are NOT horrible. The idea is not to simply get to mediocre. “Not Bad” is not the top of the scale, it’s merely the middle. There’s this whole other side of the spectrum that reaches from “Not Bad” to “OH MY FREAKING GAWD THIS IS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!”, and beyond. So, situations don’t have to be painful to qualify as not good enough. Dream a little bigger, will ya?

We’re coming into an era now where security isn’t a good enough reason to give up joy. It never was a good reason, of course, but we’re now starting to realize more and more, en masse, that it’s just not worth it. So, just because you have a job that doesn’t cause you to complain too much, is no reason to not reach for a WAY better one. Remember, not bitching about something is not the same as joyfully raving about it.

Not complaining about something is not the same as being happy. Dream bigger.  [Tweet This]

Don’t see change as a bad thing

What makes you think that getting laid off wasn’t the best thing that could’ve happened to you? Why do you assume it’s a bad thing? When you reach for your new life, the old one has to fall away. You can’t build a new house without tearing down the old one. If you’re lining up with what you want, and you’re in a high vibration (evidenced by the good feeling it generates), the changes that are happening in your life will always be for your benefit. They are moving you closer to what you want. The only thing that can possibly go wrong is that you interpret these changes as negative, freak out, and let fear take over. In that case, you can stop the positive manifestation (dream job, dream guy) from coming to you. This is generally what people do, and then they proclaim that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work, or that they’re broken somehow. All that’s happened is that they got half way there and stopped the car to get out and bitch about the scenery. Don’t do that.

Not So Pure Gratitude

The car that wouldn’t start could also have been part of a positive manifestation. Perhaps it also wasn’t a match to what you truly wanted, and a better car was on its way. Taking the car to the shop could’ve led to circumstances that brought the new car to you.

There is another explanation, however. And that is that your state of gratitude was laced with impurities (can’t seem to get the drug metaphor out of my head. Just you wait and see, someone will come up with a strain of weed called “Magic Melody”. Remember where you heard it first). In other words, as you focus on being grateful about something, you’re actually, unknowingly, focusing on a contradictory thought.

You may have a belief, for example, that cars are unreliable which you’re not entirely aware of. This program is always running, even as you focus on gratitude. Since you’re not aware of it, you need a manifestation to show you what you’re really focusing on, in its entirety, meaning all aspects of your vibration. Don’t worry, nothing has gone wrong. The manifestation is always there to serve you, even when it’s mirroring your resistance back at you.

So, in this case, you’ll want to explore the feeling that the broken down car evoked from you. Then, sit with that feeling for a little bit and ask yourself if anything else is going on in your life that feels just like that. Let memories (old and new, it doesn’t matter) that match this vibration pop up. You’ll soon see a pattern. There’s something you haven’t been dealing with. It’s important to note that the broken down car wouldn’t necessarily reflect a belief that has to do with cars. It might make you feel helpless, for example, because there’s a general feeling of helplessness in your relationship with your family, and there was no better way to show you this than by making your car break down. Don’t take the manifestations too literally, just focus on the feeling. It’s all about the vibration, not the specific manifestation.

Either way, it’s all about feeling good

Now, I can already hear many of you asking “But how can I tell the difference between a good manifestation and a bad one?” The good news is that you don’t have to. All manifestations are “good”. They all serve you. If you can just keep that mindset, look for the most positive feeling thought you can find and focus on feeling good, you can’t go wrong.

But, for you over thinkers out there (and let’s face it, that’s pretty much my whole audience) here’s a little step by step guide to help keep you from freaking out, doing a 180 and messing up your awesome manifestations:

Step 1:

How have you been feeling? Have you been positively focused or negatively focused? If you’ve been feeling good and focusing on what you want (i.e. not complaining about what you don’t want, how long the good stuff is taking to get here, or bitching about anything, really), chances are good that the stuff that’s gravitating out is simply making room for better stuff.

Action: Stay positively focused and keep feeling good.

Step 2a:

How does the manifestation feel? Does it feel good? Does it feel really good if you take away the fear and just assume, for a moment, that this is a positive thing? If the manifestation feels good (possibly even great), you’re on the right track.

Action: Stay positively focused and keep feeling good.

Step 2b:

How does the manifestation feel? Does it feel bad? If so, how exactly? Is this just fear of change coming up, or is it something else? Do you feel anger, frustration, annoyance, resentment, etc.?

Action: Sit with the feeling and ask yourself what other situations in your current life feel like that. This manifestation is trying to get your attention. Let it. Look for the message. You’ve been looking at a situation in a way that doesn’t feel good. Figure out what that thought is and find a better feeling perspective. In other words, focus more positively and feel good (see what I did there?).

Bottom line

You’re always reaching for more, you ambitious little bugger you (and yes, I’m talking to all of you.) Don’t ever be satisfied with mediocrity, or situations that are just “not bad”. Don’t be afraid to let change in. As long as you’re focusing in a good feeling way, you won’t lose what you’ve already become a match to. You won’t have to give up the experiences you’ve already manifested. They will become better. But in order to experience better, you have to allow the old manifestations, the ones that served you yesterday, to gravitate out. If you want to climb up the ladder, you have to be willing to take your foot off the freaking rung you’re on.

Assume that whatever is happening is happening on your behalf. Because it is. Always. No exceptions. You’re more supported than you can ever fully realize. Stop fearing the unknown. Stop dreading change. Stop interpreting it as a bad thing. Point yourself in the direction you want to go in (the one that feels best) and charge ahead! Rinse and repeat. It really is as simple as that.

 






{ 22 comments }

nicky Peet July 4, 2013 at 22:39

Great post, thank you! I’m a great believer in seeing the good and great in everything- we have no idea whats out of our radar- just trust the universe…
Interesting about the car as I have realised that all my cars have mirrored my relationships!
1st reliable, family, Scenic it broke down 1 week after the divorce.. 2nd showy beautiful Ibiza, lots of mod cons, very ego based like my ex…3rd ( and now) old Peaugoet 206, my current boyfriend is 10 years older – I had to get my head around the age diff, like the 10 year old car!The rear suspension is going, like my boyfriend’s shoulder problem, now we’re on break from each other and the clutch is going…Older cars, like older people have more health problems…! I know I have to watch my cars for tell tale signs!

Susanne July 4, 2013 at 23:24

Ooooohhh . . . “OH MY FREAKING GAWD THIS IS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!”

Now my new mantra.

Luv ya, Melody — you always hit it right out of the ball park!

Lesley July 5, 2013 at 00:26

Thank you, MM! This came at the perfect time for me. I recently had a “bad” thing happen at work that upset me greatly. Even in the midst of it, though, I could see a giant silver lining. Because of this thing that happened, about 90 percent of what I hate about my job was given to a colleague to do. Embarrassing to be sure, but honestly worth it. I have been focused on getting a better job and this might be it…right under my nose!

Emilio July 5, 2013 at 02:10

I swear I do not get it. In the past, even going back 25 years, every crappy thing that happened to me had that silver lining. Every situation, which at the time made me bounce off the walls – turned out to be a blessing in disguise. But here’s the kicker – I never did any energy / meditation / LOA work because I didn’t even know what they were back then. Now, that I do know what they are and have been doing it every day in one form or another for over 3 years – and therefore am way more at peace within myself, things just seem to keep getting worse in my reality. WTFrig!

mopeychild July 5, 2013 at 14:48

yes !haha.. instead of getting better things get worse !
so bloody infuriating !

Julie July 5, 2013 at 02:53

All of your posts have been hitting home for me. Thank you!

By the way magic melody is both a video game and a song (a song on another video game called Harvest Moon)

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2013 at 16:19

Ha! That’s awesome! I’ll have to look it up. :)

Hugs!
Melody

Gillian Read July 5, 2013 at 05:16

One time my car wouldn’t start immediately (annoying as it was new and had never done it before) just before it started and I reversed, a car came speeding around the corner he took the whole corner and if I’d been 30 seconds earlier would have ploughed into my car door. Every time something holds me up, I lose something or I have to check to see if I turned the iron off I thank the universe from the bottom of my heart!

Vahideh July 5, 2013 at 07:32

Hi Melody:))
I just want to say that you are wonderful! anytime I read one of your posts it raises my energy and gets me closer to the answers I’ve been always looking for! so thanks a lot for your great posts and answers.
LOve

mopeychild July 5, 2013 at 14:44

ok i have a question !
so like, i wanna lose weight okay. and ive been visualzing and feeling myself to be as thin as i was two years back and all that.
thing is, right after i visualize and feel all upped up and optimistic, someone( outa my dad or mom) passes a comment about my weight that gets me down !
so if i am showing improper gratitude or whatever, how do i even IDENTIFY what im doing wrong? and most importantly, how do i UNMIX my signals??
stumps me !
melody ! someone !do tell !

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2013 at 16:15

Hey Mopey,

That’s the point – you’re not doing anything wrong. Their comment is showing you that you have a belief that isn’t serving you, and after moving towards what you want, the obstacle (the belief) comes up to be released. Use the exercises in this post to sort through how their comment feels, why it bothers you so much, and what thought it makes you think. Then replace the thought with a better feeling one. :)

Hugs,

Melody

G July 5, 2013 at 17:16

Love it! Thx Melody! Perfect timing ;-) ((((hugs))))

Lyse Anthony July 5, 2013 at 18:54

“Cheer up, things could be worst, … so I cheered up and sure enough, things got worst.”

This is what my ex-husband would say and he would always made me laugh.

I engage in this visual exercise when I feel down. I imagine a worst situation than the actual one I am in. In other words, if I feel fat and unhappy at 150 pounds, I would imagine myself obese at 200 pounds and wishing at the bottom of my heart I could be thinner, at 150 pounds, …. wishing I would not have let myself get so fat before taking care of myself. I imagine being able to wear a pair of jeans and some of my favorite blouses, …. the ones I used to fit in when I was 150 pounds. etc …

Then I would open my eyes and be glad for what I have, where I am, how I am, etc… and I feel grateful for my present situation. This does not mean that I settle for 150 pounds and give up on my goal of losing the extra 10 or 20 pounds of fat I wish to loose, but it feels so damn good to see the challenge of losing that weight from a perspective that things could be worst.

What do you think? Am I on the right track? Or am I playing with fire in an LOA kind of way?

lili July 6, 2013 at 23:13

I’m trying.
I’m trying so hard to follow this school of thoughts, but I i find it… puzzling. I definitely need help.

Why do I see people living their entire lives with “things that doesn’t serves them” and that never “gravitate out”?

Why do I see people being terrified to loose something but they keep getting more and more of what they are afraid to loose? I thought fear would stop things in their tracks.

Why do we need to loose things we are OK with? To get something better that we then stop with our fear? What a silly workflow.
And then why some people don’t need to loose something to get something else better?

No matter what, if our reality doesn’t look like we desire, it will always be our fault, even when we think we are doing the right job. “It’s because deep inside you are creating resistance”. (Wow. How insidious is our fear.)
There is always the answer that can never be disproved.

But isn’t a law a law? That works always the same? Cause otherwise it’s not a law you know. It’s a random occasion.

Can someone please opinate? Melody does it rarely these days.

I do really want to feel the faith.

(I wonder if today real opiate of the masses isn’t religion, but this law of attraction.)

Emilio July 7, 2013 at 21:19

I feel you Lili. I too believe that LOA works like religion in some cases – when something doesn’t work, it’s your fault.

Also, people seem to believe that the Universe has manifested or created a red car / blue feather / etc, when all that is, is when you think of something like a blue feather for long enough, that thought is absorbed by your subconscious. So when you walk down the road and you come across a blue feather, your subconscious gives your conscious a kick in the butt so that you become AWARE of said blue feather. The Universe didn’t pull that feather out of a Blue Jays ass and drop it at your feet.

Am I saying that all LOA thought is crap? Absolutely not – but a lot of it is common sense. If a guy is in anger mode and he gets in someone’s face the probability is that the other guy is going to punch him in the nose. LOA? Er, no, common sense.

If all it took was thought + belief then why did Ester Hicks buy her monster bus and not just create it out of thin air? After all, LOA thought is that we are God / the Creator / Source itself. Yeah keep dreaming.

Scott July 8, 2013 at 16:30

No one creates anything out of thin air. The thoughts we have at any given time will always match our vibration at that time. Everything begins as a thought. If we stay at the same vibration that attracted a thought, then eventually that thought will be manifested into our physical reality. Really, our desires are vibrations. If our vibrations stay steady for long enough, then the thoughts we have that match those vibrations will manifest. For the most part, our vibrations are shifing all the time and the thoughts we have that match those vibrations never physically manifest and simply pass through us. Remember, we are not our thoughts. Rather, we are like thought receivers. The universe is a mental universe. The universe transmits every thougth there ever could be. Each thought has a vibration. We recieve (tune into) the thoughts that match our vibration. But we can always change the station and often do and therefore tune into other thoughts. If we focus on a thought for long enough, that thought will manifest itself, but never out of thin air. The universe will provide circumstances that are conducive for manifesting that thought. This is how it works. Whatever manifests into our physical reality depends on our vibration. The truth is, we are God. As God, we can literally experience reality at every level possible. There is no end to how low or high we can vibrate. It is up to us what we experience in our physical lives. When we play the part of the helpless victim and never take responsibility for ourselves and our reality, then guess what, that is how we stay. The goal is to realize our true nature and take responsibility for our creations but most people are not mature enough for that yet. Most people would rather blame someone or something else for their misfortunes. Those people have much growing up to do spiritually, but they will get there eventually.

Scott July 8, 2013 at 16:12

LOA works the same everytime. Your reality will always reflect the condition of your heart and mind. There are no exceptions to this. For those of you asking why do things get worse when you are trying to focus on better things, the answer is because deep down inside, you expect things to get worse. You don’t really believe things will get better and they don’t. There are a lot of things in our subconscious that we are unaware of that are always running behind the scenes just like malware on a computer. These things must be iradicated BEFORE your reality can shift into something better. This is why meditation is so important. People who meditate for the sole purpose of attracting better things/situations into their lives are missing the point. Our realities are perfect reflection of ourselves. We must work on ourselves first and then everything else will fall into place. If you are over weight, start by asking yourself, why am I over weight? We have to change ourselves BEFORE our reality will change. It is not about focusing on a new car or better job. It is about focusing on yourself. You will only attract THINGS that match your vibration. If you want to lose weight, get a better job, have a new car, etc, etc, then you have to align yourself with the vibration that will attract those things to you. The way to raise your vibration is by working on yourself. Meditation is key. This is what Jesus taught. Seek first the Kingdom of God (which is within you) and all things will be added unto you. The Kingdom of God is within you and is you. You enter this kingdom when you enter into meditation. But you must be meditating for the purpose of becoming a better person. Anyone who is meditating for the sole purpose of attracting better things into their reality and are not doing it to be a light in this world are wasting their time. The universe knows what is really in your heart and will always reflect the condition of your heart back to you in your reality.

Peace

Emilio July 8, 2013 at 23:22

Scot, I agree with a lot of what you are saying, but…
“The kingdom of God is within you”. Yes, we are capable of being God-like in the sense that we can also experience what unconditional love is – and all the good emotions and the non-judgement that brings about better lives. Yes, God may even experience, through our reality, what the experience is like to go from low vibration to high vibration – (why God would even want to experience that is beyond me) – but how does that make us God?

There is a huge difference in saying we are a PART of God (just like everything else is) – and that we ARE God. Just like your finger is part of you, it doesn’t constitute who you are. Yes, spiritually we have the capability of having MOST of God’s attributes – IF you are Jesus-like.

Why would God create something – (spiritual man), that would cause Itself to become obsolete? What happens to us when we achieve 99.999999% God-like status? I have no idea – and neither does anyone else. Maybe we get absorbed back into God – which would then cause our own individual spirit to cease to exist. Kind of a bummer – you finally get to the finish line and then God hits the delete button. Huh? What?

Bottom line: if you claim to be God then create like He did – or go take your ego for a coffee break. Even Jesus said that he could only perform miracles because of the power God placed in him – but not even he (Jesus) claimed to BE God.

Scott July 11, 2013 at 15:58

Emilio,

If you are only looking for miracles you can witness with your 5 senses, then you have missed the truth. The miracles Jesus did were not miracles of the flesh, they were miracles of the spirit. Raising the dead, healing the lame and the blind, were spiritual miracles. The dead that were raised were the spiritually dead. The blind that were healed were the spiritually blind. These miracles are still on going today. This website is an example of someone healing the spiritually sick and there are many other websites doing the same thing.

There is no such thing as being God-like. God is all there is. Think about that for a moment, I mean really think about it. God is not simply a person, a thing, or a place. God is consciousness. Everything arises from consciousness. Without consciousness, nothing exists. Your body, your race, gender, education, career, family, friends, house, car, etc. are your own creations to give you an individualized experience. Truly, everything and everyone is one. You said Jesus never claimed to be God. Jesus said the father and I are ONE. He did not say we are two. There is no separation in one, Emilio. The only barrier between us and the ultimate reality that we are God is our level of conscious awareness. If we have very little awareness of our true nature and the true nature of our reality, then we will most assuredly identify ourselves as part of the creation and live out our lives fully subject to it. As our awareness increases over many lifetimes, we begin to align with our higher nature and begin to take part in creating, hence, we experience life from our higher nature.

You bring up a good point about what happens when we acheive “God-like” status. Does God hit the delete button? Do we simply get absorbed back into God? I believe the answer is we never quit evolving higher and higher because God is infinate. To say there is a point where all of this ends is to say there is a point where God ends. Again, there is no such thing as God-like. Everything is God at a certain level of conscious awareness. We can never be absorbed back into something we were never separated from to begin with. Consciousness is all there is and consciousness can never be destroyed. Emilio, you are this consciousness as we all are. Just as the universe is forever expanding, so too is consciousness. It is mind boggling to think about how far this goes. We live on one planet that resides in an outer band of one galaxy called the Milky Way. There are billions of planets in this one galaxy and there are billions of galaxies in this one universe. Theoretical physicists believe there may be parallel universes or multi-universes. Obviously, there is no proof to back this up, but surely you can see how the possibilities are endless and how conciousness can certainly go on forever without there ever being an end.

The final thing I want to leave you with is this. I believe all of the stories in scripture are our stories. The Jesus story is no exception. I use to believe in a Jesus after the flesh that was apart from me. I now know Jesus after the spirit which means, I now know the spirit of Jesus is the spirit within us all. I cannot raise a physically dead body and make them physically live again. I cannot restore physical eye sight to a physically blind person. However, I can definately raise someone from spiritual death and restore their spiritual eye sight. I can do this because I have been raised from spiritual death as have many, many others. Everything in scripture is about spiritual truths. The bible is not a history book and is not mean to be read literally. The letter kills, but the spirit gives life. Paul the apostle said to be carnally-minded is death, but to be spiritually-minded is life and peace. The carnal mind is at enmity towards God and is not subject to the law of God. The spiritual mind, however, is at-one-ment with God meaning, it is God.

Melodie’s website is awesome. There are a few more I want to recommend for further reading. http://www.jacobisrael71.wordpress.com http://www.hiddenmeanings.com http://www.thehiddenlighthouse.blogspot.com

Please check out the above websites and spend some time there.

Peace

Emilio July 20, 2013 at 20:14

A very good explanation Scot – and I agree, except for one thing, as you pointed out: as our awareness grows of who we are, so we will begin to create and experience life from our higher nature – and we continue to evolve higher and higher because God is infinite. I totally agree – but how does this make us God? Since God is infinite, we will always be playing catch-up – therefore we will never be like God.

While I get the Oneness of everything – and agree with it, that doesn’t mean we are God. Just like the painting I created is part of me, that painting is not all of me. But each to his own. Thanks for the links, I will look at them later.

Antonia July 11, 2013 at 00:17

Ermagerd, there are loads of new blog posts! The silly part of me thought there would be no more since I wasn’t getting my Melodymail (and I really missed those emails), luckily the enlightened part of me thought to come back here, duh!

I had an interesting experience recently: I had been looking for a cosy little part-time job in a cafe or restaurant (while I was studying part-time too), got one that I was really looking forward to starting. I was so excited and telling everyone about it and it turned out to be utter crap. I quit within 6 weeks for various reasons. There were good things about it though and I met some lovely people. Moral of that story is that it reminded me what I REALLY want to be doing and gave me a kick in the right direction. I’m now getting ready to set up my own business and have something even better to be excited about :)

baber latif July 12, 2013 at 03:42

Hi Melody,
The following is for my benefit.
Melody, you are great, fantastic, fabulous, wonderful and all thats good.
I wish you joy, happiness, health and long life.
God bless.
baber latif invites you to read..How Big Is Your Vision? Uncut ‘Yacht’ Rant from Dave and DaveMy Profile

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