Coaching Call #051 came out yesterday. The topic of this week’s call is: She Wants to Stop Her Compulsive, Substance Abuse Behaviors.
For those of you who liked the last blog post (on quitting smoking and other compulsive behaviors), and want to go WAY deeper into the topic, this call is for you. This caller has not only one, but a whole myriad of compulsive behaviors, from overeating and overspending to drinking too much.
How do these compulsive behaviors come about and what can we do about them? The answer may surprise you with its simplicity (not ease, simplicity…)!
Awesome Anya asks in her comment to this post: “But Melodyyy, doesn’t LOA say you shouldn’t use ‘I will’ cause then you’ll never get it? What’s up with that? (That annoys me actually. One of my most powerful-feeling affirmations is an ‘I will’ statement; I feel that my sub-conscious is insisting that the affirmation matters and that its power should not be suppressed…yet there’s this ‘No I Will’ LOA rule.)”
Dearest Awesome Anya,
Ooooh, I love this question. I get this type of thing a lot. There you are, focusing on feeling better, coming up with wonderful words that reflect how you want to feel, and some LOA Nazi comes along and condescendingly informs you that you can’t say this and you can’t say that, and if you do, the forces of the Universe will not know what you want and give you a lump of coal for Christmas. To this, my dear readers, I happily and triumphantly and LOUDLY say: Bullshit! Admit it, you sort of knew I would.
The Universe already knows what you want
The first totally false belief that causes these well-meaning but misguided souls to try and censor you for your own good, is that you have to somehow tell the Universe what you want and that if you do this the wrong way, your message will not be received. Hooo mamma, they could not be more wrong on that one, and I imagine the Universe sitting on its chaise lounge, sipping champagne (because, why the hell not?), laughing its infinite ass off about that one. The Universe knows what you want even before you do, even if you’re in total denial about it, and even if you refuse to acknowledge it. The Universe can’t NOT know what you want. It’s thankfully built into the mechanism that creates our reality. The second you notice what you don’t want, you emanate a vibration. This vibration carries two bits of information: What you don’t want and its direct opposite – what you want instead. The Universe knows the difference (because what you want has a much higher frequency). Each little detail of what you don’t want helps the Universe figure out what you want instead. Again, you don’t have to do this consciously, and in fact, you can’t, not with this kind of precision, anyway.
Let me be very clear about this: all this work we do, defining what you want, visualizing, focusing in certain ways, acknowledging emotions, blah, blah, blah, is all designed to undo the twisted and false paradigm we’ve taken on as the truth. Through this perspective, we make our lives WAY harder than they need to be. However, underneath all of this, there’s a natural process at work that we can’t mess up (thank God!), no matter how hard we may try. That’s like saying you can break an Etch-A-Sketch by using it to draw an ugly picture.
Essentially, all this work we do is to help us get out of the way of this natural process, NOT to facilitate it. And a big part of this process is the fact that you communicate what you want in each moment with your vibration. Not your words.
So, do words matter at all?
What exactly happens when you create an affirmation? What are you doing when you make a list of things that you appreciate about yourself? Don’t words, in and of themselves, have a vibration? Don’t they represent certain frequencies? Yes and no. Let me explain.
Words have absolutely no power other than the power we give them. So, if YOU have assigned meaning to a word or have adopted the meaning that your family, culture or society have associated with a word, then that word has a certain meaning for you. Some words may have the power to offend you, for example, but only because you’ve given them that power. When that happens, you have two choices:
- You can change the meaning that you’ve assigned to the words. This is the most advisable option when other people use words that you don’t like. Rather than trying to get them to change the words they use (good luck with that), it’s usually much easier simply to decide that you’re not going to give power over how you feel to a word and those who use it.
- You can choose to use different words. This is the approach you might want to take when you’re choosing your affirmation or looking for words that will help you feel better. It’s easier to choose words that already feel good to you rather than try and bang some bad feeling words into a good feeling place.
When we say an affirmation, such as “I am enough”, “I am beautiful”, “I’m going to be a billionaire”, or “I’m going to hump that hot guy into next Tuesday” (you have your affirmations, I have mine…), we’re using words as tools to help us attune ourselves to the frequency of what we want (and away from the frequency that contradicts what we want). The words don’t matter nearly as much as how those particular words make us feel.
When I help people choose better words
If you’ve ever heard one of my published coaching calls, you may have listened in as I helped someone find “better” words. It’ll usually go something like this: The client describes what she wants. I stop her because the words she’s using aren’t “clean” enough. They have a lot of resistance attached to them. Then, I help her find “better” words, words that are more closely aligned with the frequency of what she wants and evoke a much more positive feeling from her. When we find the right words, the client always feels it, often viscerally (she’ll actually have physical sensations).
So, am I not saying that some words are better than others? Well yes. Only with one caveat: “better” is subjective. Some words are better than others in evoking a certain feeling in YOU. But just because you’ve found words that help you attune to a certain frequency doesn’t mean that those words will do the same for someone else. It’s a very individual thing. It’s a bit like finding out that you LOVE pomegranate flavored Jelly Beans. You then declare that this is the best flavor of all time and you insist that everyone around you not only try them but eat them exclusively. Only, not everyone agrees with you. Some people even seem to dislike this flavor! How can that be? If this is the best flavor for you, wouldn’t it be logical that it be the best flavor for everyone? Are we seeing the flaw in this way of thinking or shall I go on with my awesome, sarcastic self?
When I’m helping people find “better” or “cleaner” words, I’m reading their particular vibration. I help them find the words that most closely match the vibration they want to achieve and currently have access to. You’ll also notice that I always explain to the client that they’ll need to repeat the process periodically, because the words that evoke joy today may not feel the same tomorrow. As they acclimate to the new, higher vibration, they’ll need to choose new words from each level in order to keep progressing. The value to the listener isn’t so much in the particular words we choose (if that were the case, I could just publish a list of high vibrational words and be done with it), but in learning how to feel their way through the choosing process to find the perfect words for their particular purpose and vibration.
How do the words feel to you?
So, when an LOA Nazi comes along and insists that you use or don’t use particular words without taking your particular vibration into account, not only are they demonstrating a profound lack of knowledge of how the Law of Attraction actually works, but they’re trying to force their favorite flavor of Jelly Beans on you. They may have found, for example, that using “I will” statements doesn’t work for them (and if they believe strongly enough that these won’t work, they won’t), and are doing what every religious nut and missionary and fundamentalist before them has done: they’re assuming that their answer must be everyone’s answer. Yes, they’re often coming from a well-meaning place. That doesn’t make them right, or any less annoying.
When you factor in each person’s individual vibration, you simply can’t make sweeping statements such as “You should NEVER use this particular phrase”. You have to look at each word, each sentence, each expression on a case by case basis. You have to feel your way through it. If you’ve found an “I Will” statement that lights up your world, use it. If saying “I want…” feels great to you, don’t let someone tell you that using that phrase will keep what you want from coming to you. If the words you’re using feel good to you, then you’re moving in the right direction.
When I tell someone that they should stop saying particular words, I’m ALWAYS talking about them, in particular. I always take their vibration into account. Now, I generally explain why these particular words aren’t a good idea for them, and someone listening in might then realize that those words, which they also habitually use, have a similar negative effect on them, but it’s not about the words. It’s about how they feel. And that will vary from individual to individual.
Say whatever the hell you want
When it comes to affirmations or lists of gratitude, etc., the one and only thing that’s important is that you feel better. Reach for relief, reach for “better”, reach for whatever takes you closer to being a Happy Shiny Puppy. It really doesn’t matter what you say, as long as what you say feels good to you. You’ll notice, for example, that I have a tendency to, um, curse just a bit. This offends some people. I don’t care (these are not my people). I find cursing funny. It makes me laugh. It often shakes people out of their perspective and allows me to guide them towards a new one. Does all cursing feel good to me? Not at all. It totally depends on the vibration behind the words. Dropping the F-Bomb out of anger feels very different than a joyous, enthusiastic, celebratory “I Am F&%king Awesome!” (now there’s an affirmation for you!). It’s the same word, but it feels very different. All words are like that.
After all, do you really think the Universe would’ve set it up so the process responsible for creating ALL OF REALITY hinges on whether or not you say “I will” or “I am”? Seriously!? And what about the species of animals and plants who can’t talk? I guess they’re just going to have to die out and become extinct. Wow, it’s a wonder that hasn’t happened already… Actually, why hasn’t it? Perhaps the process of creating reality isn’t about which words we choose at all, dear LOA Nazi. Perhaps the Universe is more clever than a mid-level government bureaucrat with low self-esteem who declines your 148 page application because you missed a comma on page 17. I think. I’ve made. My point.
LOA Nazi: 0