This One LOA “Trick” Can Change Your Entire Life

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by Melody Fletcher on May 16, 2013

 

That’s right, you read correctly: today I’m going to share a concept with you that can change your life. It’s definitely changed mine and those of my clients. Like all LOA techniques, it’s not really difficult, and yet you may find yourself struggling with it at first (then, it’ll get easier). In fact, your mind may tell you that it’s far too simple to make a real difference. Don’t listen to that crap. Your mind is an effing liar. Are you ready? Here we go:

Meet Bob

Bob is having a hard time lately. He really, really hates his job. When he comes home at night, he tells his wife all about how his boss is a jerk, his co-workers are back stabbing, credit stealing douchebags, how his work is so deeply unsatisfying that he spends his days thinking up creative ways to commit suicide using office supplies, how the commute sucks, how the economy is in the crapper, making it impossible to find a new job, how even if he did manage to find a new job it would just suck, too because all companies are the same, how everyone but him is a total idiot, how all those idiots are making his life hell, and what’s the point of any of this anyway… Bob will give the same speech at the pub with his friends. They’ll sit around drinking one beer after another, hoping to numb the pain a little bit, while dissecting in minute detail just why exactly everything sucks so badly. Theories about whose fault it is (government, the CEO’s, the Illuminati, parents, other people i.e. “idiots”, women, fathers, the greeting card industry, the flying Spaghetti monster, etc.) will abound, with reasons laid out so logically and well prepared it’s a wonder there aren’t any Powerpoint slides to back up the presentation with.

Bob and his friends put a lot of thought and effort into figuring out just how bad the magnitude of the general suckitude is, why and how it got that way, and why it’s impossible for anything to change.

Sound familiar, anyone?

Focusing on the problem

Now, Bob might think that what he’s doing is “defining the problem”. He’s figuring out what he doesn’t like and why he doesn’t like it. And I’ll agree with him on that point. He is doing that. Only, he’s doing it and doing it and doing it and not doing anything BUT that. Defining a problem doesn’t take long. You can generally figure it out in a few minutes, sometimes even seconds. Some really big problems might take a few days. But if you’re defining a problem for weeks, months, or years, you’re not figuring out what you don’t like. You’re pushing against a door marked “pull”, while bitching about the fact that it won’t open.

When you focus on what you don’t want and why you don’t want it, you’re adding energy and momentum to what you don’t want. That means, you’re going to attract more of it into your life. Bob’s incessant complaining about and dissecting of his sucky job is causing him to experience a worse and worse environment at work. He’s meeting up with his boss and co-workers when they’re in the foulest of moods, calling clients at the worst possible moment, and leaving work when the commute is at its most awful.

But, this is generally what we do: We define a problem to death. If you’ve ever heard yourself say “And I’ll tell you another thing that sucks about…”, you’ve experienced the downward spiral that focusing on what you don’t want causes. It becomes easier and easier to think of aspects of this situation that you don’t like. In fact, you never realized just how bad the situation is, until you had a chance to bitch about it incessantly for two hours with your friends!

Meet Suzie

I’ll give you another example: Suzie went on a date last night. The guy seemed pretty nice, and they had a good time, but at the end of the date, he didn’t kiss her good night. The next day, Suzie has lunch with her friends, where they dissect the date in minute detail. The overall date was quite a good experience, however, Suzie is disappointed that the guy didn’t kiss her and sees this as a sign that something must’ve gone wrong. First, she gives her friends a play by play of the date, including every word said, every breath taken, every eyelash that was batted. And as she focuses on “something must be wrong”, and as her friends encourage her to find something wrong with HIM rather than HERSELF, she begins to remember all kinds of details that bugged her. Even though none of these things bothered her last night, they suddenly loom large in the light of day.

He seemed kind of quiet when she was talking about her job. He’s probably totally intimidated by powerful women (he couldn’t just have been listening, right?). He didn’t pull out her chair for her at the restaurant! He has no manners (never mind that she got to the table first and sat down before he had a chance to pull out her chair, or that she had no expectation of him doing so at the time)! He ordered for her/didn’t order for her. He flirted with the waitress. Sort of. Ok, she flirted with him and he didn’t immediately get up on the table and proclaim loudly that he was on a date and therefore OFF LIMITS, YOU SLUTS! He was actually just being friendly, but now that she’s thinking about it, he should’ve intuitively sensed her discomfort and done something. What an asshole.

Before she knows what’s happened, Suzie’s date goes from a pleasant experience to one of the worst dates of her freaking life. The more she focuses on the negatives, the more she finds. Hell, her mind will even make up some evidence if it needs to.

Where are the positives?

Both Bob and Suzie are doing what most of the population does when it sees something it doesn’t like. And this is one area where being intelligent really doesn’t help. Those of us who like to be analytical tend to dissect things in greater detail. We will figure out to the last molecule why something doesn’t meet our standards. We’re always looking for what could be done better, and consequently what isn’t good enough. And in doing so, of course we find loads and loads of evidence.

But, what about the positives? Take Bob’s job: is EVERYTHING about it really horrible? Or are there some good aspects to it? Well, Bob generally doesn’t think about them, but when he does, he gives them only a cursory mention. “Ok, so my boss isn’t a total jerk. He did go to bat for us on that project. But that doesn’t make up for [insert huge list of offenses by jerky boss].” The positives are footnotes, at best, with the negatives being the main show. And the opening act. And the encore. And the CD you buy and take home to listen to after the show. I think you get my point.

Why we like to bitch

But why do we insist on complaining about what we don’t like in such great detail? Well, first of all, we’ve been taught from an early age that if you want to change anything, you’ve got to figure out what the problem is. If you just understand the problem enough, you can figure out a solution. And so, we dissect and dissect and dissect. “Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it” becomes the mantra we use to justify this incredibly one sided focus. Only, that’s a bunch of crap.

Those who focus incessantly on history are doomed to repeat it. Why? Because you get what you focus on. Can you learn from history? Absolutely. But not unless you actually shift your focus off of the problem and onto the solution. You actually have to be willing to see the lesson in order to learn from it. And that’s the step that most people totally miss.

The second reason why we love to complain so much is because it can be quite satisfying, at least in the short run. There’s something happening that we don’t like. We feel badly about it. But we also feel powerless to change it (false belief). When we discuss, in minute detail, what we hate and why we hate it, and get others to agree with us (ever notice how no one likes to bitch alone?), it’s like we’re being given permission to feel the way we feel. We’re being told that we’re RIGHT. And that feels kind of good. It doesn’t hold a candle to how good the solution would feel, but hey, we don’t believe in solutions, so this is the best we can do, right? *cough, cough*

What to do instead

I’d like to present you with an alternative option: Do the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing. Treat the negatives as footnotes and make the positives the main show. Why? Because that’s what you want more of, and you get more of what you focus on!

What would that look like in the real world? Well, you’d log onto Facebook or the blogosphere and see postings like this:

  • I love my job because…
  • I have the best husband/wife/mother in law because…
  • Here are five reasons why I love my job.
  • Ten reasons why I have the best boss in the world (and how you can too!)
  • The top 100 reasons why I’m so damn awesome.

When Bob goes to the pub with his friends, they would ask each other questions like “What went right today?”, “What are you proud of today?” and “What did your boss and coworkers do today that you can appreciate them for?” In the beginning, Bob might have a hard time coming up with examples, but just like the negative spiral pulls you down and builds momentum making it easier and easier to criticize, the positive spiral works the same way. After just a little bit of positive focus, Bob suddenly remembers all kinds of little details that made him smile. The little kindnesses, the donuts someone brought, the fact that he didn’t need to do that report he didn’t want to do, etc. The fact that his boss fought for them on that project would take the main stage, with the group dissecting just why that was so awesome and why it felt so good. Negatives would get cursory mentions, “Yeah, he was in a bad mood yesterday, but he’s probably really tired. Did you hear that he’s trying to get us all raises? How awesome is that?”

When Suzie meets up with the girls the day after her date, they ask her all about his best qualities. So what that he didn’t kiss her, they say. It may be a sign that he really liked her and doesn’t want to rush it. Isn’t that respectful and wonderful? And as she gives them the play by play, she remembers all kinds of little wonderful details. The way he smiled when she opened the door. How he put his hand on her hip when they walked through the restaurant. The way he appreciated her offering to the pay the bill, but insisted on picking it up. The way his arms felt when he hugged her good night. Oh wait, he hugged her good night! And it was a really nice hug! It lasted way longer than a normal hug! In the other scenario where negativity reigned, that little nugget was totally missed.

Talk about what you want. Incessantly.

Instead of focusing relentlessly on what you don’t want, talk about what you do want, why you want it, what you like, and why you like it. Dissect it, play with it, discuss it with others, ask questions designed to elicit positive responses, be like a dog with a bone. A really, really tasty, positive, happy, shiny bone.

When you hear others talking about what they don’t want, ask them “So, what is that you’d like to see happen instead?” You may need to keep reminding them to go positive a few times, but more people than you may have ever imagined will be willing to answer that question. Some people will insist on bitching. Don’t play with those people. But a larger segment of the population than ever before, while generally negatively focused, will be happy to focus positively when given a chance to do so. Give them that chance. Give yourself that chance.

If you can’t figure out what you want, if you can’t seem to focus positively, then change the subject for a while. Look for something that you can feel good about already. That’ll help. In other words, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Or, to put it even more bluntly: Be positive or shut up.

Does this mean that you can’t EVER complain?

This is a question that many struggle with. Is it really NEVER ok to complain? Should we censor ourselves and everyone around us ALL THE FREAKING TIME? Well, considering that I’m a fairly heavy user of sarcasm myself, I feel it would be hypocritical of me to teach others that they can never voice a complaint. Not to mention that I don’t believe in absolutes, such as NEVER.

I believe that if we put the majority of our focus on what we want, then the occasional bitch session will do no damage. And let’s face it, sometimes it’s not only quite gratifying but also fun. And funny. Every once in a while, it feels good to just let the nasty out. I see this as the equivalent of throwing a little tantrum. I bitch for a few minutes, justifying why something sucks and why I don’t like it, and then, when I’ve had enough of that (which generally happens quite quickly these days), I turn my attention to what I want instead. I see it as a teensy weensy anger release. If it’s got to come out, it’s better to let it out than suppress it. And, if I do let it out, it generally passes within a few minutes and I feel better.

You don’t have to be 100% positive. As long as you’re focused on what you want over 50% of the time, you’re golden. So yes, you still get to bitch a bit. Just don’t make it your default setting and most of all,  be aware of what it is that you’re doing. Involve as few people as possible (the more people are involved, the longer the bitch session will be and the more momentum you will gather. It’s easier to control the length and put a stop to it when your audience is small.) And above all, as soon as you’re sick of complaining, make sure you spend even MORE time on talking about what you want instead, what you like and what you want to attract more of.

It seems like a simple thing (until you try to do it), but it will change your life. Why not give it a try and then report your findings in the comments? I can’t wait to read what you come up with!

 






{ 33 comments }

Sean May 16, 2013 at 19:16

Wonderful post! Simple, yet life-changing. Love your sense of humour!

Lovin' Life May 16, 2013 at 19:27

I loved this blog! I have been really trying to follow the advice you give for a while now. I no longer watch the news either, I read what I want to know about. Bad things happen all the time and I don’t want to watch the news about all of it. I also have been cutting off conversations (in a nice way) that our going south. We all have the occasion or need to do some bitching but when the complaining continues or just keeps going around and around on the same topic, I get off the phone or try and redirect the conversation – and it’s great!
Here is where I’m having some challenges….my kids! They tell me they are sick of all my positive talk. I have tried many different ways to encourage them to do just what your blog talks about but it’s tough. They just want to be negative – everything sucks. I don’t know if you have and advice for helping kids to see the power of positive thinking, words or terms that perhaps they can relate too. They are really great kids with a lot on their plates and I give them a lot of credit…..I just wish they would do the same for themselves. And lower their anxiety levels too – they worry more than me (and that’s not good! :) :)) Of course I need to take into consideration that they are soon to be 13 year triplets in middle school……can you say hormones!? If you have any words of wisdom I’m all ears! Thanks for a great blog!!

Kathleen September 9, 2013 at 23:39

My suggestion for your kids is the same for every teenager disenchanted and living in a “first world” country. Send them to a third world country for a week, to help build a school for a village. How about Africa. Let them see first hand what it is like have a life that truly sucks. I have seen it on Oprah, etc, and it has a powerful effect on them, as it should. They walk with the children of the village, sometimes 9 or 10 years old, a mile and a half to a muddy river to collect water for cooking drinking and washing. People are bathing in the river, animals standing in the river drinking it, and the visiting children are aghast that anyone would drink that water. It is explained to them that this is the only water available, and the locals, thirsty from their walk, drink the brown water. Then they carry a heavy 5 gallons of it back a mile and a half home. No electricity, no new clothes when they wish, certainly NO electronics. A dirt floor and many chores is their life. Go to charitywater.org for some water videos. As I said, I think it would much benefit ALL American teens, etc, and some of the parents :-) Blessings

tony May 16, 2013 at 19:57

But we also feel powerless to change it (false belief)
No, it’s not a false belief. It’s just a belief that helps more in the short run. And there is a reason this particular belief has been adopted. You don’t address this reason.

If the currents of energy were so comfortable, we wouldn’t even consider stabilizing our energy. We would be enjoying the ride and we would welcome the downs because we would be looking forward for the next up. There is no damn next up, only a next mirror to more resistance and more pressure than ever. Take a break and you are out of the game. Do it with the hope the universe will deliver something better and you will see that things were better before.

This is the only lesson we draw from history, one empire falls another rises. Our empire has fallen and the next one is not so much civilised. People are just shielding themselves from the crap the universe wants to deliver.

If I desire to have an experience with someone, someone else has to be a match. Those who understand this process will find matches even if their matches don’t have this particular resistance/or desire in advance. And please, let’s stay grounded, because trade and advertising work exactly this way for years. We block the flow because we will find ourselves in another man’s plan and chances this plan is beneficial to us, even if we have designed it in advance and we are good manifestors, are slim.

Ayla May 16, 2013 at 19:58

Oh yeah!
Perspective.
It’s easy to get caught up in that downward spiral. Why does it even sort of feel a little bit good to bitch so much? Venting is good, but gahhhh…. yeah, enough is enough. Get it out and move on already. MIL is like that. It has gotten to the point that I don’t even answer the telephone when she calls (thank God for Caller-ID)–but then, since she’s retired, if we don’t pick up the first time (and she always leaves messages), she’ll call over and over until she has someone to unload all the BS upon. All the negativity is incredibly draining. I loathe it. Sometimes I feel like I’m gripping my claws into a wall or a tree or something, hanging on for dear life so as not to fall into that dark abyss. Why do some people seem to revel in it? I mean, they do it so much that they actually seem more happy being miserable than being happy. If you suggest even slightly that they try just once to focus on the positive, they look at you like you’re a fruit loop and think you’re discounting it or worse yet, making fun of it. How sad. But what keeps me buoyed (besides the Caller-ID and call screening) is knowing that her reality does not have to be mine.
I think, too, that focusing on the positive is a habit to develop, just as the negativity has become. We have to practice it. At first it’s hard to catch ourselves wallowing in it, but if we keep at it, it gets easier. Now when I find myself bitching and the domino effect seems to be kicking in, I take a deep breath and say, “Whew! OK! Got that out of my system. Moving on…” and then I’ll just change my focus. Later I may come back to that problem with a fresher perspective on a solution for it, but no more dwelling on the negativity itself. I’ve got better things to do, and there’s only so many hours in a day. Discovering your blog and from then discovering the blogs of many of your readers has given me so much food for thought on this subject, and has helped me to implement the change. Thanks so much for that!

Dusty May 16, 2013 at 21:49

With my MIL, when she gets too much, I remind her of something that makes her happy. Yeah, I know, it took me a year to hear that glistening golden nugget. She won nearly 200 bucks on a slot machine when she went gambling with her daughter. I sneak it in. “I was thinking about playing the lottery because it is so many bazzillion. I dunno if I should since I am not as lucky as you are. How much did you win on that trip? Was it the first pull or did you have to work for it?”

It sounds like I am discrediting myself but actually I am giving her a chance to credit herself. The admiration I am showing isn’t fake. I do admire that she had that moment of flow where should could win. Try whatever it is that makes your MIL happy.

With my MIL, she doesn’t have a lot of new experiences happening. She mainly putzes around the house. If she wasn’t complaining, I am not sure she would have anything to say and yet she still wants to connect to other people.

Yeah, I do get the “what planet are you from” if you ask “did anything good happen today?” And even better, the “whoop-de-fucking-do” attitude if I tell her the positive strides I made.

Keep it brief, be thankful she is breathing (if she is bitching, she has to take a breath sometime), put in little positives any chance you get. (aww I just saw a bird or flower or a piece of lint shaped like Elvis) Once you get off the phone do a touch down dance then go look at yourself in the mirror and laugh for at least 30 seconds. Remind yourself “I am grateful to be me.” Don’t end that statement with “…and not her” that’s just being passive aggressive.

Kathleen September 9, 2013 at 23:45

Dusty, you’re a gem! Have you been told yet today? :D
Kathleen invites you to read..Careful where you point that thing!My Profile

Just call me A. May 16, 2013 at 20:11

Yes! This was what I have been asking. Why is bitching so commonplace and why are we taught that way in the first place? What is it about it that drives most to hop on the bandwagon? It would make more sense to me if I knew the origins so then I can do even less of it. It may very well be a terrible habit; the thing with this one is that it can get out of control.

I have found that there is a positive in every situation, so we can indeed focus on that. I even came across a very approrpaite quote that went something like ‘no need to lament about the clouds that show up in life anymore because the best sunsets have clouds in them’. How else can the sun’s rays be directly reflected and bring about those magnificent, awe-inspiring sunsets, even sunrises? This makes sense.

I have been doing that lately with family members who are annoying, and it makes me laugh at the things they dwell on and what their limited point of view is that makes them stuck in their misery. I feel sorry for them, really, and they do not torment they way they used to. Thanks!

Lori Gosselin May 16, 2013 at 20:13

“Talk about what you want. Incessantly.” LOL, okay! At only at least 50% of the time I don’t think I’ll drive my friends crazy! Sounds like a feel-good thing to do!
Lori
Lori Gosselin invites you to read..What are Your Favourite Summer Activities?My Profile

Richard May 16, 2013 at 20:27

You really make me smile and feel good! Thank you!

Karma May 16, 2013 at 20:32

Awesome post Melody! I took your advice about finding anything to be happy about and getting excited with even the smallest of manifestations; from extra tip$ to parking spots. I’m happy to report that my daughter and I’s favorite local sports team made history and won a conference title. A lot of the ‘seasoned fans’ around us said during round one the season was over and defended those statements by saying they were being ‘realistic’, which is usually a mask for pessimism as I’ve never heard anyone ever defend a positive statement with, “I’m just being realistic.” Anyways, we kept winning and some of the staff deemed me the team’s good luck charm “Good Karma” and provided us with free tickets.

On top of that, I met a guy after a 3rd round win and he’s amazing. If the team hadn’t been winning, we wouldn’t have met. I joked that here I thought the universe was helping me help the team win when it was all set up for them to win so we could meet.

Thanks again I’m sharing this particular post with my children who think whining is an Olympic sport and they’re going for the gold. :-/

Dusty May 16, 2013 at 21:23

Uuummm… Isn’t complaining about complainers in the same boat as hating the haters?

I have a wonderful, loving Hungarian mother-in-law who cracks me up. I only bring up her nationality because her plays a big role in her complaining. If a picture falls off the wall, that person will die. If you put shoes on the table, someone will die. If a bird comes in your house, you have to chase it back through the same entrance or someone will die. If you complement your children in front of them, the evil eye will be upon the kids… And they will probably die. She even has quirky sayings about people who complain.

“They would bitch if you hung them with a new rope.” Ummm… I would too. My chances of getting out would be better with an old rope.
“Why complain? No one ever listens.” Huuuh… Okay.
“He would complain if someone pooped in his Cheerios.” Com’on! Who wouldn’t? Now I can’t look at Cheerios the same way!

fs May 16, 2013 at 22:50

haha:-) this made me laugh. MIsS are funny. It took me a few years to accept my MIL as she is. We do have a great relationship now.

SoCal Guy May 16, 2013 at 21:43

Thank you for everything you do and all the people you help, Melody. You’re phenomenal!

That’s it. Just wanted to celebrate YOU. (Doing the wave – ok, it’s only me but how many times do you get the wave just for you???)

-SoCal Guy

Carole Remy May 16, 2013 at 22:08

Hey Melody!

Look on the bright side! Corollary: There’s always a bright side!

Lately when I bitch (which of course I still do), I laugh at myself even when I’m in the middle of a rant. Deliberately shifting ALL focus to the positive is a great idea. I’ve been called a Pollyanna all my life. It’s about to get worse, folks! Watch out!!

Thanks and huge hugs, Melody!

Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Thriving on the Roller Coaster of Life #TBSUMy Profile

Will May 16, 2013 at 22:09

Brlliant. Easy. Like!

Sarah May 17, 2013 at 01:57

Melody you fricken rock!!! This post was so spot on with how I’ve been working through all the stuff I don’t want. I find it also helps when I’m “stuck” on a negative subject that I just can’t quite move on from is to say to “the Universe” or “God” or whatever “I’m releasing this to you because I know you will do a much better job of working this one out than I currently am.” Then whenever it pops into my (somewhat obsessive) mind I just exhale and say “let it go”, it seems to help shift stuff.
Thanks for putting yourself out there for the benefit of all of us, your blog is awesome and I totally appreciate the effort you are putting into it!!

Lyse Anthony May 17, 2013 at 02:00

Complaining can be a way to hide our good fortune in order to fit in and avoid jealousy from acquaintances, co-workers, and family members. … a very deadly addictive trap better left untouched.

Vini May 17, 2013 at 02:35

Great post, as always. I have a question though – “Talk incessantly about what you want” -Would that not send desperation signs to the Universe?

Just call me A. May 17, 2013 at 04:15

I think it’s more about expressing it and putting it out there and focusing on it (what you want) rather than on what the naysayers say, placing barriers or limiting beliefs before you, or imposing them on you. Your job in this case is simply ignore them and keep focusing on what you want. You will naturally move towards it.

Lyse Anthony May 18, 2013 at 04:01

You have to trust, in your guts, that the Universe to bring it to you. … a little like when you were a kid, and wrote to Santa Claus, … you did not write a letter every day, … you just believed he would bring it to you on Christmas Day.

Susanne May 17, 2013 at 04:11

Wow, again with the fabulous posts, Melody! Awesomesauce, indeed! My daily gratitude list has become an evening ritual I can’t do without — 10 items at least, no upper limit. I also jot down “Today’s Gift From the Universe” and “Today’s Successes” in my journal. Some days they’re pretty damn small, but I write ‘em down anyway.

I’m also working on a “1000 Things I’m Grateful For” list: my rule is no repeats, and I’m up to 368 at the moment and isn’t as easy as I thought it would be (I started Jan 01/13)! The best part is — because I won’t let myself repeat a gratitude — I have to reread the list every time I want to add something, and every time I do this (3 or 4 times a week), I’m blown away all over again at how much wonderfulness I have in my life. As well, knowing I want to list 1000 things makes me look very hard at every thing around me, every day, paying attention to what makes me happy.

I realized the other day that I’ve been grouping things too generally. “I’m grateful for all my friends” is true — but listing my friends, by name, with specific reasons why they’re special, is even better. Same with all the wonderful pets that share (and have shared) my life. And trips & experiences & cities in which I’ve lived & so on. My goal now is to hit 1000 by the end of August (my birthday), and then go for another 1000. It’s pretty hard to be pessimistic and sour while writing down all the fabulous things in your life!

Oh, and before I go — I have a good friend who has a “rule” I love. If he’s complaining about something, he has to come up with the same number of positive things about the same issue. So if he lists 5 complaints about his job, for instance, he then has to find 5 positive things to say about the same job. I admit I struggle with this one myself, but it works for him — and an added benefit is that he’s a pleasure to spend time with.

John May 17, 2013 at 15:01

Susanne:

I love your idea of the lists! Thanks for sharing this!

John

nay May 17, 2013 at 13:05

what works for me now is something I learnt from you Mel (it’s becoming habit anyway..) when something comes up in my reality that I judge as negative, I remember to ask – why am I creating this? what is this reflecting? oops, need to change my thoughts!!
has helped me stay non-resistent, Big-time :D

John Lewis May 17, 2013 at 13:08

Yeah , meet these people all the time & sometimes I just feel like hitting em with me handbag but what really pisses me off is when I’m in a happy mood , sayings things like what a wonderful day (when it’s blowing a cyclone outside) or “and how are you today” & smiling when I say it & someone comes back with some smartarse remark like “what the hell reason to you have to be so happy about “I’ll usually come back with one of my cynical equally smartarse remarks like “well the first reason is I woke up this morning , the second reason is I realised I’m still breathing & the third reason is you weren’t there , next question” Nothing pisses me off more than someone whose whole life seems to focus on complaining & finding fault with everything , I mean talking about draining all the energy out of people. I really love the Pew!! Pew!! Pew!! I’m putting up my happiness shield I’m gunna try that next time if only just to see the reaction on the other persons face when I do it & they say what are you doing – it’ll knock em for six & I’ll burst out laughing because I know it would be so funny

Joan May 17, 2013 at 15:56

Yes, yes, yes. I always love reading your posts, Melody. They are high on my “things I love to talk about loving” list!

Thanks!

Josh Holmes May 17, 2013 at 17:49

Thank you sooo much Melody. Absolutley AWESOME. Lots of Shiny Puppy Hugs for you

J x

Gaile May 18, 2013 at 10:00

Thx Melody, reading this has just turned the lightbulb on for me re a ‘problem’ I thought I had. ;-)

Michele May 18, 2013 at 20:25

OMG…I’m SO negative all of the time! Only a dumbass would do this to themselves! ;)

Monica May 19, 2013 at 23:19

Melody, if we focus on what we want all the time and why, for example money because then will be able to live without debts or love because want to love and be loved…, arent we focusing on lacking_? If we want something is because is amiss in our lives therefore it indicates a lacking.
I have loved reading your articles and the enthusiasm and happiness that they transmit yet I am not sure how to transfer it.. How do you vibrate good all the time? I believe that your thoughts do make your reality therefore it is vital to have a positive perspective and concentrate on the good things in your life but isnt it also because those thoughts push you to take action? Isnt action more important than vibrations?
Grateful for any enlightment!

Alicia May 28, 2013 at 02:30

Hi. Thank you Melody so much for your site, your love and this article. But I am a bit confused. Let me give an example: let’s say I meet a man and we are extremely attracted to each other but he tells me right away that he is not interested in a Relationship, so I end things with him. I think about him a lot, but I push those thoughts out of my head because he said he does not want a commitment. A few months later, the man comes back into my life, saying he misses me. We date for 6 months but the entire time I am afraid because I know he does not want a commitment. Finally I tell him that I need a commitment and he says again that he is not ready. If I was more positive, more optimistic, more confident while we were dating, would he have then made a commitment to me? If we, nor the LOA cannot change people, then what would my positivity and confidence have gotten me? I cannot seem to reconcile this.

Jen? June 20, 2013 at 17:57

Thank you!!

Lee August 28, 2013 at 22:37

Love the idea of the list, thankyou x

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