Coaching Call #045 came out yesterday. The topic of this call is: His Horrible Past Has Ruined His Life.
I absolutely adore this call. This client was so despondent when he applied for a call, I had to make sure he actually believed in the Law of Attraction before agreeing to get on the phone with him. His entire life had been one horrible incident after another, and he felt that he couldn’t surpass the patterns of his past. His deep sense of powerlessness and a recent divorce had led him to question if trying once again to feel better wasn’t just a waste of time.
Well, I’m happy to say that by the end of this call, this adorable man had reconnected with his inner happy shiny puppy. It was an incredible turn around. We covered a lot of ground, including setting boundaries without being aggressive, letting go of the burdens of the past, learning to honor ourselves when we don’t feel worthy of doing so, and how to love others without being a doormat. I dare you not to love this call!
Awesome Pam wants to know: “So I have been using the affirmation ‘John loves me’ and I know everyone says you can’t make someone fall in love with you, but I guarantee since I started doing it he has fallen in love with me. I can tell by the way he acts and I am a 100% positive he loves me. Can you please explain to me how this happened? I guarantee he loves me and I am not making this up.
I mentioned to some friends about how you can use the LOA to make a specific person fall in love with you and they didn’t believe me. I told them I did it and it’s working, and they started telling me that if I’m using the LOA on him, he doesn’t truly love me, and they said his love is ‘forced’ and ‘fake’ and ‘artificial’ and he doesn’t truly love me like normal couples love each other because the process wasn’t natural.”
Dear Awesome Pam,
Your friends are wrong. And so are you. Kind of. He does love you and his love is real. But you didn’t make him love you. Let me explain:
LOA is not mind control
First rule of LOA (ok, maybe not the first rule, but it’s in the top 5): You cannot manifest in anyone else’s reality. You cannot be responsible for how someone else feels, what they experience, for whether or not they are happy, unhappy, kind, douche-y, or in love. You have no power to control other people’s thoughts, behaviors, moods, or feelings. You cannot create emotions in others, real, fake or otherwise. All of your power lies within yourself. And that’s enough. You don’t need to be able to take away anyone else’s free will in order to have whatever experience you want.
You can’t control anyone else, but you can influence them. So, if you’re in a great mood, someone in a bad mood may come along, see your happiness and be uplifted by it. They aren’t feeling good, but they WANT TO, and your happiness makes it easier for them to reach their own. You cannot make them happy, but they may well become happy in your presence, inspired by your positivity. Or, they might run for the hills, unable to reach joy because they’re too stuck and focused on what’s wrong in their lives, and annoyed by your chirpy demeanor. In other words, if you’re offering something they want (happiness, in this case), and they’re ready to be influenced to what they want, you being in that state can inspire them to attain it themselves. They’ll come and join you. If you’re not offering something they want, or if they’re not ready to get there, there is nothing you can do. It is always up to them. You can only ever control your own vibration.
So, the three criteria that MUST be present in order for two people to get together in an awesome way are:
- Person A has to be a match to what they want
- Person B has to be a match to what they want
- What Person A wants and what person B wants have to match up
If these three criteria are not met, two people can certainly still get together. But they will not have that epic relationship. They’ll be a match to what they don’t want. The following scenarios will make that clear:
How people get together
You didn’t make this man love you. He was ready to love you and you allowed it by becoming a match to that love yourself. This is totally different from making someone fall in love with you.
Let’s say there’s a girl named Jenny and a boy named Shane. Jenny adores Shane, but Shane doesn’t seem to know that Jenny exists.
Jenny lines herself up with love
So, Jenny decides to use LOA to visualize Shane falling in love with her. As she visualizes this, she cleans up her own vibration. Remember that visualization is simply a tool to help you fine tune your own focus. If your visualizations don’t feel really good, that’s a sign that you’re holding on to a perspective, a belief that contradicts what you want. If, for example, Jenny thinks Shane is hot, but that he’s too hot to really go for her (that she’s not attractive enough for him), then visualizing Shane swooning all over her is going to feel weird, artificial and fake. If Jenny continues to visualize, however, she can work her way into the feeling that Shane could, indeed, fall for her, until fantasizing about this scenario feels natural and realistic. By doing this, Jenny will be getting rid of her own limiting belief. She’ll have changed HER belief from “I don’t think he could realistically be attracted to me” to “I can totally see him wanting me.”
As Jenny becomes more and more of a match to the feeling that being with Shane represents to her, she opens herself up to this scenario actually manifesting in real life.
Shane is a match to loving Jenny
Now, let’s say that Shane is already a match to loving Jenny. He’s a match to everything she wants. He has the ability to provide her with the experience she’s seeking and which she is not aligned with. And he’s a match to what he wants – he has no beliefs that contradict the experience that falling in love with Jenny will bring. If this is the case, then Shane will recognize Jenny as his love the second that Jenny becomes a match to the experience they both want. He was already there, and by lining up her energy, Jenny joined him and blammo! Freaking epic love story, y’all.
Shane is a match, but Jenny is not
If, however, Jenny is unsuccessful in her attempts to line up with what she wants, if she has too much resistance (beliefs that contradict what she wants), then she can focus on Shane all she wants, but he will not respond. Why not? Because he will not recognize the energetic match (you can’t recognize what isn’t there). Shane will be in Paris (city of love), while Jenny will be in Detroit, screaming his name and wondering why he can’t see her.
Jenny is a match but Shane is not
But, what if Jenny does manage to release her resistance and lines up with the experience of what she wants, but Shane is nowhere near being a match to that? In that case, I’d advise Jenny to let go of the idea that it has to be Shane (since he’s not ready for her and may never be) and allow LOA to bring her the man who is a total match and will be able to provide her the experience she’s been wanting. You cannot force someone to be a match to you. You can only ever allow those who are a match to you to come into your reality. In this case, Shane might’ve been close to what Jenny wants, but not the real deal. She would’ve only been so attracted to him because he also matched part of her resistance (see below). When she lets go of the need to control WHO will match what she wants (the conduit through which her manifestation will flow), she can receive it. And the yearning for Shane will cease.
Remember: The manifestation you really want is the experience of love, not the person from which it comes. Don’t confuse the gift with the gift bearer. [Tweet this]
Jenny is not a match to what she wants and neither is Shane
Now, let’s say that Jenny still has some resistance – a belief that men will eventually turn into douchebags, for example. And let’s say that Shane also has some resistance – a belief that women are crazy bitches, let’s say. This could make the two a match to each other, but not in a good way. Jenny’s insecurity would perfectly mirror back Shane’s belief: she would test him to see if there’s a douche in there, with a clear expectation that there was. These little games would then prove to Shane that Jenny was indeed already starting to go down the crazy bitch road, causing him to become more distant and standoffish. Afraid to be losing his boundaries, he might even turn into a full blown douchebag in an attempt to defend himself, causing Jenny to proclaim that her belief was right all along.
In this case, neither Jenny nor Shane was a match to what they wanted. But they were a match to each other – they were each in the position to perfectly mirror back the other’s beliefs. This is precisely how people who seem so bad for each other often get together. Why would you be attracted to someone who doesn’t match what you want? Well, if you also weren’t a match to what you wanted, you’d be attracted to those who could mirror back where you actually were. Do you now see that your only work is to become a match to what YOU want?
Can his love be fake?
I’d like to address the idea of fake love. Can love be faked? Well, of course it can. There are those who pretend to love others because they think that’s what they have to do in order to get what they want. There are those who think they love someone and lie to themselves (and therefore their partner) about it. Perhaps they think they should love the other person, or they’ve never experienced real love and think that the feeling of neediness or security is love. But trying to figure out if someone’s love is real is totally unnecessary. You have no control over whether or not they love you. But you do have control over what experience you line up with.
If you focus on being in unconditional love, meaning you love freely and openly and don’t make how you feel dependent on whether or not they love you back, you will not be a match to fake love. If you are authentic, you will not be a match to anything but authenticity. You invite into your reality whatever you are emanating vibrationally. If you are afraid of being dumped, you will attract someone who will prove you right. If you are afraid of being treated badly, the Universe MUST mirror this back to you. If you are emanating pure, unconditional, yummy love then the Universe MUST mirror that back to you, too. Now, THAT’S control!
If you’re in love with each other, you matched up with each other. Yay! Don’t second guess it. That’ll just invite more manifestations (like the conversations you had with your friends) that mirror those doubts back to you. Stop pooping all over your own joy! Enjoy it and stop making what other people think so relevant. Does it feel good to you? Let that be enough. If something feels off, address it. Otherwise, quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or, you know, it will.
Now it’s your turn: Can you apply what you’ve learned here to your past and current relationships? Can you see how you attracted and matched up the other person, even if they weren’t what you wanted? Share in the comments!