Dear LOA: Can You Help Me Overcome My Eating Disorder?

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by Melody Fletcher on April 18, 2013

 

Awesome Dudette asks: “Would you explain eating disorders such as bulimia from an energy perspective please? Psychology has said it’s about control, yet I’ve never felt more out of control and desperately want to stop. I’m hoping LOA can break it down in such a way that will uncover the root belief for release.”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

Well, I see the causes of bulimia a little differently. In fact, this is very much the same kind of energy that leads to any kind of compulsive behavior, so this answer should be relevant for a lot of situations. Let’s get into it shall we?

Behavior is a manifestation

First and foremost we have to remember that behavior and action are just manifestations. The words you speak, your reactions to others, the impulses you have to do certain things, are all reflections of your vibration. This is why trying to change your behavior with willpower generally doesn’t work long term. If the underlying energy hasn’t changed, it must manifest again. Someone who quits smoking without shifting the root cause for that addiction, for example, will either fall of the wagon, so to speak, or develop some other kind of coping mechanism, like overeating.

So, if you’re exhibiting any kind of unwanted behavior, there’s always an underlying cause. The more severe and destructive the behavior, the bigger the resistance that is causing it.

There is not one belief that causes bulimia. Our beliefs always manifest perfectly for each of us, so our manifestations will vary greatly. One person who feels unworthy, for example, may manifest abusive relationships, while another person with the same beliefs becomes obese, or an obsessive gambler, or bulimic. And two people who are bulimic will not necessarily have the same core beliefs that caused their behavior. The specifics of each person’s manifestations have to be dissected on an individual basis. So, there’s a definite limit to how far down the rabbit hole I can take you in a blog post, but I’ll do the best I can.

How does it feel?

Whenever you’re trying to shift any kind of belief, the first thing to ask yourself is: “How does this unwanted manifestation make me feel? What emotions are coming up?” This question may be harder to answer than many people think. They’ll often give a superficial or very general answer, like “Well, how do you think it feels?!” (deflecting because it’s too uncomfortable to deal with it) or “Not good, that’s for sure.” (yeah, well, duh). But you have to dig deeper. Let’s examine the behavior of a person with bulimia (and I am going to have to really generalize here):

You get the overwhelming urge to eat. You eat and eat and keep stuffing as much food into your body as you possibly can. It’s a kind of urgent, manic, panicked feeling. And, as you mentioned, you feel totally powerless and out of control. You’re trying to fill some kind of void, trying to provide something that’s missing, fill up the hole so the pain and agony stop. The food also makes you feel strangely safe. You don’t want it to, but it does. There’s a sense of comfort in it, which could possibly be seen as a sort of sense of control. It’s not all bad. There’s this overwhelming urge, this need, this fear and pain and drive to stop it, and then a breaking point at which you succumb to the urge and you eat. And in that feeding frenzy, there is relief.

When the frenzy is over, the realization of what has occurred fully sets in and with it, comes the judgment and the self-loathing. The “afflicted” then tries to get rid of the food (purging) or compensate for it in some way (hours and hours of strenuous exercise). The pain of this kind of behavior is often seen as a welcome penance for the shameful gorging that’s just occurred. It’s a “well-deserved” punishment, and therefore can also bring a kind of relief with it even amongst great amounts of discomfort.

The focus on food

While bulimia is not caused by a focus on food, it’s generally accompanied by desperate attempts to control food consumption. Each bite is dangerous and can be seen as a kind of “failure”. Trying to cure bulimia by controlling one’s eating habits doesn’t work. But most bulimics still try. They don’t know what else do to. This focus on food can make the whole situation worse. Not only is there the underlying cause of the obsessive behavior itself, but the constant negative focus on food and eating can create even more pressure. It’s a bit of a self-perpetuating cycle.

Digging up the root cause

Whenever you have this kind of explosive, desperate behavior, it means that there’s a massive imbalance. Something has gotten so out of whack and has been ignored for so long, that it’s become like a pressure cooker with the lid on, left unattended on a hot stove. Eventually, something’s going to explode. A bulimic feels this pressure and when it becomes too much to bear, they gorge, which is a behavior that provides relief. The purging is generally an extension of the original cause, as well as a reaction to judgment about the gorging itself. Someone who drinks excessively, takes drugs, gambles compulsively and even those with OCD would fall into the same category. The underlying beliefs causing this kind of pressure are, generally speaking, usually about the self. In other words, bulimics have some kind of belief about themselves that really, REALLY isn’t serving them.

As we’ve already established, while the gorging does provide relief, it also feels intensely powerless and herein lies the first clue. If you’re a bulimic, you have a belief that makes you feel powerless. It’s a belief that something bad can happen to you and you have no control over it. This is where you’ll want to start.

Sit with this feeling of powerlessness for a bit. Remember the last time you gave into the binging. Think of how it felt just before, that panicky feeling, that lack of safety. Don’t spend long here, 2-3 minutes will do. You just want to activate the frequency of the emotion. Now, allow any memories that feel like that to come to the surface. Just sit quietly for a few minutes and allow any memory that wants to surface to do so. At least one always will and it will always be related, even if it doesn’t seem to be at first glance. Go through the events of the memory. It’s come up for a reason – there’s valuable information contained within it. What was it that made you feel powerless in that event? Was it a person? An experience? What decision did you make about yourself that felt like you had no control? What were you afraid of? Take your time with this exercise. You may even remember more than one incident. Look for the unifying pattern. It can help tremendously to write down whatever comes up. It’s often easier to see patterns more clearly when you see them in black and white.

This past event may not have been the cause of your belief, but it will match the frequency of your current vibration. Essentially, at its core, this belief of powerlessness is a fear of danger. You’ve decided, at some point in your life (or your parents decided and taught you this fear), that there was some kind of danger, and that this horrible thing can happen to you at any time, without warning. This will be something that isn’t rational and you therefore keep yourself in the presence of the trigger. If you didn’t, there would be no reaction. Something in your current life is triggering you. Not only that, but you’ve decided that even though you don’t feel that you can stand up to or control this danger, you should be able to, which causes you to blame yourself whenever you react to whatever the trigger is.

A response to danger

Bulimia is essentially a manifestation of the fight or flight mechanism. Your body doesn’t understand that something that’s deeply uncomfortable isn’t necessarily life threatening. It only understands pain and pleasure, danger and safety. If you keep yourself in the presence of something that you, at some level, have decided is dangerous (or deeply unwanted/painful/uncomfortable), you will have the urge to fight or flee. If you don’t, you will seek relief in some other way. And no amount of willpower will be enough to stop your fight of flight mechanism from engaging. I think you’ve probably realized that by now.

The memory exercise may well give you an insight into what your trigger is, which will allow you to begin dismantling it. If, for example, you figure out that you were always afraid of your father’s temper as a child, and that the way you felt when he got angry matches how you feel when you have the urge to binge, you could do some exercises that could help you feel safer. You could learn to understand and detach from anger. You could learn to stand up for yourself, and protect yourself, so even if someone got angry in your presence, you wouldn’t have to be powerless against them. By the way, in this scenario, you wouldn’t necessarily need anyone to be angry to be triggered. The mere fear of anger could be enough to cause a reaction. So, wanting to ask for a raise and envisioning the off the wall response of your boss could cause a binge.

Sometimes, the cause of the fear will not be as obvious though. You may have been living with a constant state of fear and insecurity for so long, that specific incidents no longer stand out, or you can no longer recognize them. In that case, a very general approach designed to help you step into your own power can be very helpful:

Stepping into your power

Below are some very general tips of things you can do to help you feel better on all levels. This will be good advice no matter what specific belief is at the bottom of your bulimia (or other type of obsessive response). If you raise your vibration overall, not only will you feel better already, but he specific discomfort of your limiting belief will become more apparent. You’ll begin to see things you couldn’t before. This is not an instant fix, it’s a process, so be patient with yourself.

  • Meditate as often as possible (preferably daily). 15-20 minutes a day will quickly but gently begin to raise your vibration and will support any other work you do.
  • Practice self-love: Watch my video on how to love yourself and follow the advice religiously. Bulimia is often caused by and always causes self-judgment and feelings of unworthiness. Being consistently kind to yourself will shift that. This will not be at all comfortable at first so be gentle and patient, but keep at it.
  • Use the affirmation: “I am enough.” Sit with this thought. Ponder it. Meditate on it. Do your best to feel it (let that come over time, though, it won’t be instantaneous.) The process of binging is often an attempt to provide something that’s seen as “missing”, and the root of such beliefs is always that you, at your core, are not enough. Contradicting that belief is a great way to bring it up more specifically and will already start the process of shifting it.
  • Make peace with food. Bulimia isn’t about food. It uses food as a way to gain relief, but the underlying cause has nothing to do with food. It’s not the food’s fault and it’s not that you have no control over what or how much you eat. When you sit down to eat, take a moment to appreciate the food you’re about to eat. Tell yourself “The food I eat nourishes me”, “Food is good for my body”, and “With every bite I eat, I get healthier and healthier.” Do your best to notice the beauty of fresh fruits and vegetables, their colors, their fragrance, their taste. Begin the process of focusing on food in a positive way.
  • Learn to set boundaries. This will help you to feel more empowered, and will begin to shift the core reason for the bulimic behavior. Read the following posts:
    • Quiet Strength – How To Stand Up For Yourself Without Being A Bitch
    • Grow A Pair! Overcoming Your Fear of Confrontation
    • Setting Boundaries – My House Rules
    • Surround yourself with positive people. Seek them out. Join a group of people who are supportive (not necessarily a support group. Do not spend time with people who are focused on the problem!) Seek out people who have fun, who smile easily, and who see the best in you. If there’s anyone like that in your life, spend more time with them. If not, seek out people like that. The comment section of this site is a good place to start (because you people are freaking awesome!).
    • Talk to someone. A part of bulimia is a deep sense of shame and bulimics often try their best to hide their disease. There’s a strong sense of “I’m not ok.” Talking to a non-judgmental person who listens to your truth while being in your corner, and having the courage to express yourself authentically, can be incredibly cathartic and healing. The most important thing here is that you choose someone who will not focus on your powerlessness and will not see you as broken and in need to be fixed, but will rather cheer you on for being strong and amazing and worthy and powerful and strong. Choose someone who is able to listen without trying to make everything better (because your pain is causing them discomfort). This will almost certainly be a professional of some kind, someone who has the ability to detach from the suffering of others (a therapist, coach or even clergy). Use your intuition. If you’ve given someone a try and they don’t meet this criteria, do not be afraid to leave and choose again. Keep trying until you find the person who is right for you.

Bottom Line

Bulimia isn’t a symptom that shows up out of the blue. It’s not a “first” manifestation. There’s been a lot of focus on a belief that isn’t serving you, the kinds of beliefs that cause this behavior generally feel really big and scary. Start gently and slowly and give yourself plenty of time. Recovery takes as long as it takes. If you manage to have a good day, or even a good hour (or a good 10 minutes), give yourself credit for that. You’ll fall off the horse a few times, that’s pretty much a given. And that’s ok. Keep going. You’re making really big changes and some of them will be very stressful. If you push too hard, you’ll feel too much fear and that’s not only unproductive, but totally unnecessary.  Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. That will actually make your “recovery” faster.

And remember: You are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve simply unknowingly been holding on to a perspective about yourself and the world that Who You Really Are doesn’t agree with. You’re supposed to feel better, and your pain and binging have been telling you that. Your behavior is a way to feel better. If you focus on feeling better in more constructive ways, your destructive behavior will cease. That manifestation will gravitate right out of your experience. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to stop it. Just soothe it and your body and mind will respond. You can do this. Your manifestation is perfect for you, which means that you CAN overcome it. If you couldn’t, it wouldn’t be the perfect manifestation.

And when you have doubts, and you will (we all do), come here and read. Read the posts in the archives and read the comments. Connect with the community. Focus on the fact that there are so many people here who are striving to feel good. They all have their own struggles, but they’re succeeding in their own way. Each day gets a little better, until one day, you look up and realize you’re happy and that you’ve been happy for a while now. It’s like you’ve forgotten to be unhappy. Yeah… it really is like that. :)

Did you find this post valuable? Can you draw parallels between bulimia and other obsessive behaviors and situations in your life? What LOA principles described here speak to you? Share your thoughts in the comments!

 

{ 37 comments }

Just call me A. April 18, 2013 at 14:28

Love the ending of this post! Very appropriate.

I also love how LOA validates memories and allows us to go there and see it for a while to analyze a bit. Other forms if personal development/life coaching do not do this and preach the memories are not really as we remember them, not really true, are imagined fabrications which is hurtful because that’s how we perceived them and it is all about us. So, thanks for this.

Nay April 19, 2013 at 07:21

I have to agree with you A!

Because of this blog, I am now getting to the point where I can go back to memories and see if I can view them in a new light. Instead of trying to break down the memory, I just try to look at it in a new way. And that I CAN do this more often than not makes me feel more and more thankful!

Cheers!

KimS April 19, 2013 at 20:38

I tried somthing similiar once — instead of telling myself the usual story of my dysfunctional,oh-poor-me!, childhood, I told myself a different story of my fabulous childhood — and though it is, of course, the same childhood, just telling it as a fabulous story brought to mind all the memories of when times WERE fabulous. It was an awesome experiment — and one I think I’m going to engage in more regularly from now on.

Just call me A. April 19, 2013 at 20:56

Thanks Nay!

And Kim, it’s what we focus on, yes and thanks for the example! I’ve been trying to practice this as well. I’m not there yet because I’m still stuck on the not so fabulous points, but man, you are right, there were some fab points so focusing on those is it.

Nay April 23, 2013 at 07:10

Hi KimS!!!

What we tell ourselves habitually dictates how we feel habitually. So once we change that story, we change how we feel. And as we are learning, positive thoughts attract more positive thoughts, which attract even more positive thoughts! And pretty soon, if we can keep on doing this, it becomes very hard to see those “poor me” memories because of all the fabulous memories that are being attracted by your fabulous focus!

Carole Remy April 18, 2013 at 19:29

Hi Melody! Hi A!

I love the ending too, A. In fact I love the whole post so much I’m going to print it out and put it on the wall it behind my bed.

Talk about perfect timing, the perfect manifestation. This post is that for me today. Yesterday I had an experience as an empath that shook me to the core. I was in a crowded highly emotional room, watching the legislature vote to criminalize animal abuse. We won! In the middle of all this, I got bitchy and sarcastic to a friend – not my normal. When I got home, I felt so drained I couldn’t do anything but go to bed.

As the sleepless night wore on, I realized that in the room I had absorbed and acted on a vibration that was extremely intense and negative. I initially internalized it as hatred toward me, but toward dawn I realized that that could be just my mind’s interpretation. In any case, the intensity was as if someone was feeling like blowing up the building and killing us all. Seriously. I’m still really shaky this morning.

This post makes me realize that in some way, the empath manifestion happened as a signpost for me, just like the bulimia for Awesome Dudette. This makes me wonder if being an empath is itself a manifestation of deep-rooted powerlessness and fear.

Pick a card, any card. Do empath experiences mean I’m connected enough to my Soul that I feel vibrations others sometimes can’t? This is what it generally feels like, and helping people and animals through touch feels humbling and amazing. Or is being an empath a manifestation of a roadblock, some resistance waiting to clear? Or is it somehow both? Another possibility for yesterday is that the room triggered anxiety in me, which I rationalized into an empath experience(?). I’m sure there are many other explanations which aren’t occurring to me at the moment.

Bottom line, thank you for this post, Melody. Your words are just what I needed to read this morning. I love the memory exercise and am off to do it right now.

Huge hugs! Hope everyone is having a lovely Thursday!

Carole

Just call me A. April 18, 2013 at 20:52

Hi MC! Happy Thursday! Congrats on the win! That is great!

Yup, you described exactly how I feel and perceive things when I get that way, too. Glad I read it. I am not the only one, which feels like a relief, something I need and am working on these days.

As for the empathic abilities, I think it is a little bit of both.

Over and out.

DawnStar April 18, 2013 at 23:16

EVERYTHING’S a choice isn’t it MC?

xx

Carole Remy April 21, 2013 at 19:39

Hi DawnStar and A and Kim and Eve and Nay and B and everyone!

What you bring up is exactly what I’m questioning these days, DawnStar. IS everything a choice? Do we come into the world with anything, or do we come in as a completely blank slate? It’s a question as old as humanity. Is EVERYTHING that happens a manifestation that we can choose to continue or to let go? I really don’t know.

It doesn’t feel like I can let go of or ‘get over’ being an empath. And if I could, would I want to?

Okay, weigh in everybody! What’s your bottom line? Is there anything that isn’t a manifestation, and therefore a resistance to clear? What if the resistance has an awesome side effect, like making you an empath??

Hugs to all,

Carole

Just call me A. April 21, 2013 at 23:33

I know, MC. I am grappling with these very questions nowadays. If we are born a clean slate, which we are, then most attitudes are products of our surroundings which also bring up resistance which we then spend the rest of our life letting go of. Is this it? If so, then it’s good and bad. Good because with blogs and guidance such as these, we can work towards what we want and practice being our true selves. Bad because we have to spend time doing this, even though I realize it is not a waste, and good for those who realize it very early, but some of us were really conditioned and we have more to do in this respect.

Thank you very much for bringing this up. This really helps me and I hope others. It is comforting to know we are blank slates, though. I feel good about this. It means we can just follow our feelings to great things. Hooray! I may come back to add more here as I come up with more. It will be great to read more!

Just call me A. April 22, 2013 at 04:20

MC,

You are an empath. How do you feel about this? Does it feel good to you? Are you glad you have this unique capability? We actually all have it, but most do not go with it, so you are in a good place- of the few who actually are aware of it.

If life’s circumstances led you to this, is it not good? Are you not richer with this awareness? Does it drive you nuts, and, even if it does now, perhaps managing it better will make it better for you? Kind of like thoughts.

In all the vastness and infinity of this awesome universe, we are fortunately/unfortunately (take your pick- it is really hard for me to say) conditioned into a realm that causes resistance and suffering, yet, when we are inspired to break free from this and follow intuition, we stumble along the knowing that nothing can have an effect on you. This is the Source within that is part of that vastness but it is so lost in the artificial world which humans created to feel secure? Why this would be is beyond me. Maybe that happened because they pinched off from source which nobody questioned and they have been doing this ever since.

It is the vascillating between these two states that can be maddening. Choosing one can make one more sane. But being aware is important.

This may or may not make sense, but I had to remind myself of the wonderful universe and how glorious it is, because that is the crux of it. This is what brings me the most comfort; not what society dictates, which actually makes me anxious. I hope this adds to some thoughts or does something…

Nay April 23, 2013 at 07:04

Hey A,

First and foremost, THAT, WAS, BEAUTIFUL!!!! It was like reading a poem. It seemed to strike a chord inside that really made me well up! So thank you!

And all that vascillating is not excactly necessary, but it is the process that so often leads us. It’s almost impossible to know what we do want without knowing what we don’t want. And figuring out what we don’t want is the first important step. And we have to remember that the suffering is optional.

And this happens because we choose to stay focused on what we don’t want, and get pissed off that what we don’t want is in our lives, and then the suffering starts. And the only way to fix that is to focus on what we do want. Which again is why we vacillate…we’re not very good at staying focused on something we do want when it isn’t in our reality, while being faced with what we don’t want staring us in the face.

But the better we get (the more practiced we are) at staying focused on what we DO want, the less we have to experience what we don’t want. Which of course takes some time, due to our habitual (or conditioned as you said) practices.

Thank you for such a perfect description!

Nay April 23, 2013 at 06:28

Hey MC and All!!

Yep, it’s all a choice. I find that very simple now and the absolute truth for me now. But I also understand that we often overide that choice with all of our resistance, and that gets very frustrating, as all of us here obviously know!!!!!

And that is where I find that I am up, down, round and round, and every which way but loose!!! :) It pisses me off, and yet it can be so exhilarating too! And as crazy as that sounds, it’s because I see it so fast now. And because of that I can actually see, and I mean really see, or experience, that it is all my choice.

I start to feel crappy, take a dive, get depressed, and I notice it very fast now. And once I notice, I can’t NOT realize that I must be thinking something that is causing it. Which forces me, even when I don’t really want to, to analyze what I am thinking about or focused on. And even when I can’t figure out specifics, I know that I can just change my thoughts/my focus, and I WILL feel better. It works every time…EVERY SINGLE TIME! ;) That’s how I know it’s all my choice, a-la my focus/thoughts.

And there-in lies the rub…I know it, I get it, I understand it, but I just keep taking those dives! LOL :lol: But this is where I can make myself feel even better, because each time I catch myself faster and faster, I know I am putting resistant thoughts on the back burner more often. And I know, even if I am still frustrated, that I am making huge leaps and bounds towards better…better life…better me…better relationships…just better!

And to me, your empathy is a manifestation without a doubt, no matter how it came about. But the only reason it is ever experienced by you in a way that feels bad, is due to resistance that you have built around experiencing it. But that’s just my take on it. He He!

And my example for myself about resistance is on money, surprisingly enough. ;) I always have enough, and don’t struggle, but having more would make things much funner and easier. But I never make more without doing something I don’t want to do, and I am very curious why. So I decided to do an experiment that ‘Abe’ mentioned, and it was a very big eye opener.

I was going to pretend that I had $1000 to spend every single day. “Easy,” I thought, but I was so very wrong! From day 1 as soon as I would try to figure out what to spend it on, my mind would just shut down. I would find something else to do, and couldn’t seem to stay focused on that task, for even a couple minutes!!! And this happened over and over again. I actually dreaded thinking about it within a few days! Can you say Cray-Cray?!

It should have been easy because it was all pretend, but I have enough resistance about spending a lot of money, that even pretending is hard! That was totally amazing and shocking to me. And I can now see that I have huge resistance to spending money freely.

And that shows me it is a choice! My thoughts about having and spending a lot of money are very negative, and I CAN change them. And even better, I have something concrete to work on now. I have an exact thing, thoughts and feelings that I saw myself having, and can now start to change. Before it was a vague, “I always have enough, but never more without struggle. I wonder why?”

So this is my next step in my evolution. I am starting to instantly see some of my resistance. My usual was to know I have some kind of resistance, but rarely know exactly what it was. Don’t get me wrong, I have other areas where nothing has come clear at all!!! But this ones pretty clear, and I’m kinda scared to see what will happen when I start working on it. Could this be maybe even more…resistance…! Hahahaha!

Love to all

Just call me A. April 23, 2013 at 13:20

Nay!!!!

Thank you so much for your comments! Thank you, thank you! You made my morning, as I really needed that! A clean heart-that is what I most need. I cannot continue walking around with what feels like an anvil in my stomach. It is not only painful, but makes me crazy and disrupts pure, positive thinking and feeling. But, I merely allow it to be (can’t force the Gordian knot to de-tangle by cutting it), soothe myself, go on being and bombard myself with pure, positive stuff. Disney princesses have done the trick lately. I see and feel their pure, positive attitude no matter what the circumstances, their focus on what they want, their pure, untainted visualizations and lo and behold, the eventual manifestation. I would have never really noticed these aspects without this painful vacillating.

And you give some wonderful examples. I am at that stage as well. I notice when I do not feel good and look into it further. The opinions of others is slowly but surely fading out of my reality, as well as some other bad habits, so it is all happening. And, of course, turning to this blog often helps so much!

Thank you so much! I deeply appreciate all your comments! Here’s to a light, serene, calm heart and living!

Nay April 19, 2013 at 07:18

Hey MC,

Love that you won, and I think your empathy is an amazing gift that just rocks!!! I can imagine at times it would feel as it did in that room, but most often is just an awesomely useful part of your life. :) Even if it originated from a place of powerlessness or fear, you have used it in a way that is totally empowering!

It just makes me feel so great to see and hear how you use it, even if you are wondering about how it manifested this time.

Much Love!!

Carole Remy April 21, 2013 at 20:32

Hi Nay,

Responded above. What do you think?? Huge hugs,

Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Jimmy Buko on EBook Marketing 101 #TBSUMy Profile

nay April 19, 2013 at 02:14

Melody, thanks so much for this awesomely perfect post. I’m off to do some soul searching.

Nay April 19, 2013 at 07:10

Hey All!

This post ties in with some things I’ve been dealing with lately. (As per usual!!! :) ) Sometimes everything that has changed for me just, IS. Other times, it is amazing to me, and other times, it feels like I’m just pretending.

This post just reminded me that my more volatile emotions and actions are always tied to something that I have resistance about. And if I just sit down and either focus my thoughts back to positive things, or see if I can figure out what triggered me, I can pull myself back into feeling great!

But it’s a practice thing. It’s a continuous process thing. It’s focusing my desire to always look for things to feel good about, whenever I can think of it; as often as I can think of it.

And yes, it is coming back here and reading new posts, old posts, and all of the comments that the amazing people who follow this blog are always posting! ;) I find that it calms me, makes me grin, laugh and so often think in ways that are just more positive.

So thanks to Melody and all for just being.

Nay

Carole Remy April 21, 2013 at 22:12

Hi Nay,

Yes! Volatile emotions says it all. For the last month, it feels like I go way up, and then crash down, over and over. There are some deep resistances that keep surfacing but can’t quite dissolve. Whew! Hugs.

I agree, thank goodness for Melody and her wonderful blog and participants! Group hug!

Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Wait! Change! It’s the Law of Attraction!My Profile

Eve April 19, 2013 at 13:34

Thank you for a fabulous post. I am going to print it out and follow the steps. I do love the community on this blog and wonder if one of the fabulous contributors have some thoughts on this issue. Food has been a problem for me since I was little. I was punished whenever I wouldn’t eat (please note: I love my parents deeply, even though they didn’t always get things right) and later started using denial of food as a way to exert control over my body, over me, over everyone. Finally, eating normally caused massive weight gain. I am not huge, but I do need to lose some weight.

Anyway, I am now trying my best to eat healthily and what is good for me, but also enjoyable. Not always an easy balance to strike. The thing is, I love ‘naughty’ things like chocolate and salty nuts, and so on. So I try to limit those and eat mostly things that are good for me. The problem is that food is a constant focus. What am going to eat tonight? What will I buy? What will I eat tomorrow morning? And I am scared of this focus because it can so easily spill over into the tight control I am so used to. I need to eat Low GI because of insulin resistance, so some planning is good. The other problem is having to give up things I love. I used to love a cup of coffee, but I am trying not to have any sugar, and now coffee tastes so awful without sugar that I just can’t do it.

So, how do I eat in a nourishing, good way, without getting obsessive, and also how do I work out where I can ‘cheat’ and still be looking after myself, but not denying myself? Sorry for the length of this. I guess for most people this is all very obvious, but I just never learnt how to be ‘normal’ around food.

Thank you all for being such a positive influence and thank you Melody for the best pick-me-up place to visit. I pop in every day because I always feel good once I have been here!

Nay April 20, 2013 at 00:25

Eve!

I went through the same as a child, because I really could have cared less about eating, and ended up sitting at the table for the rest of the night, falling asleep in my plate more often than not. :) But I never went the way of worrying about it. To me, food is just that…food. So I don’t have exact answers for you, and others may have some much more direct and usable advice. But I do have a few things to suggest that may help, even just a little.

First, food is GOOD FOR YOU!!!! This needs to be your focus instead of all the other worries. It is the same as what Melody is talking about above. The food is not the issue. It’s how you focus on the food that is! And yes, your need to control what you eat is probably not about the food either. So to my way of thinking, a change in your feelings about food in general is the first step.

Start focusing on how you enjoy certain foods, how much you like how you feel when you eat a good meal. Not what that meal is; not how much you eat; not if all of it was ‘good for you’ food. And no, this will not cause you to dive in to the worst foods for you, eating them until you pop! You already know that’s what you don’t want so it is not likely you will just totally forget that you want to eat well.

The goal in this is to stop the cycle of food being something to worry about, so eat a bit of everything you like, and forget about the cheating! If you want some chocolate, eat some, and feel happy and love the taste instead of feeling guilty about cheating. You know you don’t want to gorge on this stuff, but you also know that having a piece here and there is not ‘bad’ for you.

The hardest part in this part of the process is that it’s a very big shift in how you think about food, but thinking of positives in this as often as possible can only help, as in all things in life. Come up with as many positives as you can, and use them like crazy! Such as…
“I love the foods that are available to me. I love all the flavors and wonderful textures in food. I love the variety I can so easily experience, and I love how wonderful I feel when I’ve eaten a great meal!”

What you will start to notice if you keep doing this is that more and more positive thoughts will come, and you will start changing your focus from the worries about food, to the joy of food. And when you don’t notice the bad, your body will respond in amazing ways. And I totally believe that you will still know and accept how much to eat, and will not go overboard just because you stop feeling guilty about eating. In fact I think the opposite will happen.

But it does take practice and effort to stop the cycle of worrying about food. Obviously, this does not answer everything, but it can be a place to start! It’s not control that you need or want; it’s a return to the fun and joy that you have left behind for the worries!

I hope others have much more advice for you! But also know that you can trust yourself. All of us ‘others’ are looking in from the outside and can only suggest, but you, you KNOW what’s best for you!

Just call me A. April 20, 2013 at 15:06

Hello Eve.

I have found that eliminating processed sugar from the diet and increasing healthy fats really does the trick and melts away excess weight. The exception is fruits which I have in a smoothie with unsweetened almond milk and a couple of bites of dark chocolate a day, which helps with the insulin resistance. Cinnamon also helps with insulin resistance, so adding that to coffee or other things you eat, like a smoothie, will help, as well as taking it in pill form once a day. Coffee without the sugar is actually healthier. Maybe you can add some vanilla flavored almond milk in your coffee for the taste.

Healthy fats (olive oil, cheeses made of sheep milk, for example) keep your digestive system working longer and will make you less hungry. you want your stomach to be working on stuff so you won’t feel so hungry and prevent it from being empty. And vegatable juice (like carrot, spinach and beet) 3-4 times a week or everyday if you can is very good too.

These are just some basic suggestions to get an idea. You can look into and try what works for you best. Also important are feeling good and happy. I find when depression and worry set in, I gain weight, but when I am content and happy, I drop a dress size!

Eve April 21, 2013 at 12:02

Nay, thank you so much for this. I am going to do what you suggest and start to eat things that I love and totally enjoy the feelings and the rest of the time just not beat myself up about things and also not eat things I hate just because they are supposed to be ‘good’. Thank you again so much, your support and suggestions are massively helpful.

Eve April 21, 2013 at 12:06

A. thanks for your suggestions.

Nay April 23, 2013 at 06:42

One more thing Eve,

Love your body! Truly love and accept that your body is perfect and that it knows exactly what it needs and how to take care of itself. It is perfect and the more you love it, the more it loves you right back! Make your mantra to yourself, “I always love myself, and my body functions PERFECTLY in all ways!” And laugh in joy when you realize and accept this daily!!!

Eve April 23, 2013 at 15:48

Oh wow, thank you, that is beautiful. I am trying to do that and to listen to what it is trying to tell me. I’m still a little deaf, but hopefully I will start getting the messages. I love your mantra! Thank you so much.

B April 21, 2013 at 00:58

Another very inspirational post, Melody!

I’ve been looking to meet some new optimistic and exciting friends, anybody want to be my fwend? :3

Carole Remy April 21, 2013 at 20:33

Absolutely, B! Welcome and a big hug! Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Jimmy Buko on EBook Marketing 101 #TBSUMy Profile

B April 21, 2013 at 21:10

xD aww thank you my dear, it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you! It’s nice to meet some new people, big hugs for you too! :P

Carole Remy April 21, 2013 at 22:07

Thanks B. What do you think of the conversation? Jump right in. If you’ve read through all the comments (sounds like you already have), you’ll see we’re onto some interesting topics. Food, emotional roller coasters, empathy, you name it. What topics resonate with you? Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Blogging, the Law of Attraction, a Union, and Bats! What??? #TBSU #BATMy Profile

B April 23, 2013 at 18:28

I think the general topic that resonates with me from this blog is eating, or generally weight loss, which I believe is something to do with my desire to find that special someone. I don’t think it’s because I feel I’m not ‘good enough’, I enjoy my own company a lot, but more because I’m looking at other people and wondering why I don’t have that at my age (since I’m experiencing a manifestation of a lot of women I know who are getting married and pregnant and my desire for a family is huge, I suppose my resistance simply lies somewhere there, getting broody xD)

In an attempt to hit two birds with one stone (ie, meeting new people and losing weight) I was recently inspired to join the gym with a friend, been a few times now but have had the urges to eat like an animal xD! Needless to say, I have yet to lose any weight ^^; But I’m sure I’ll get there, I have the aid of a personal trainer (who came with the gym membership, my money vibration has been pleasantly decent recently :P ) and he said he will help me lose around 20-30kg before October.

I turn 21 in October, and some might find it silly; I know I am still young to be thinking of such things, but having a husband and two sons (and moving them to Australia xD) have been the only things I’ve ever really wanted, so seeing other people have those relationships and knowing I have never had that feeling with anyone, and while those around me are moving so fast, is proving hard for me to handle. I have managed to manifest an opportunity for a new career move which is amazing, but I think the relationship issue ties my emotions down a bit and is blocking me from a lot of good things.

Deepest apologies for the life story xD! Something I needed off my chest, I feel better already ^^;

Nay April 23, 2013 at 06:43

Hey B,
This is like a friendship train. We intermittently laugh, cry and bond here because we just can’t help it! Welcome. :)

B April 23, 2013 at 18:31

Haha sounds awesome, thank you for the warm welcome! :D

Brian April 21, 2013 at 06:57

Thanks for this inspirational post Melody… and for the cool picture of the cat. Is that a deer that the cat is on? It’s hard to tell.

Melody Fletcher April 29, 2013 at 20:09

Yep, it’s a deer. With a cat gumming it’s head. I freaking love the internet… :D

Smooshy hugs,

Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..The Inconvenience of EmotionsMy Profile

andrea September 30, 2013 at 00:46

thank you; super article

Carol @ It's Baby Time October 7, 2013 at 23:21

Hey Eve!
Nay has some great advice for you. It is definitely good to eat things that you enjoy and things that are good for you and think about how it is making you feel good. Snack on peanut butter and nut for the protein which will also keep you fuller longer. Like Nay said stay away from refined sugars. You sound like you are getting on the right track and that is the first step. Stay positive and talk to these amazing people here when times are tough.

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