Can His Negative Family Keep Him From Manifesting Money?

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by Melody Fletcher on April 8, 2013

 

Coaching Call #043 came out yesterday. The topic of this week’s call is: She Wants Love But Feels That She Has To Compromise.

This client is battling the belief that she can have nearly what she wants, but will always have to compromise. She’s also afraid that if she finds Mr. Awesome that she’ll lose her identity. She doesn’t want to just play a supporting role. But what does a truly balanced relationship actually look like?

See the call summary here.

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Awesome Jimmy asks: “I’ve been using the law of attraction to attract money to me recently, and my goal is to get a large amount of money so that I’ll be able to help my friends and family around me. However, it seems that the people around me are using the law of attraction to repel money from them. They worry a lot about money, and that negative energy seems to keep building up. Will that in turn prevent me from getting the money I want to eventually end up helping them?”

Hey there Awesome Jimmy,

Here’s the thing: while it’s commendable that you want to manifest something just so you can help others, it’s a bit misguided, LOA wise. Let me explain:

Their manifestation is THEIR manifestation

If you’re going to set yourself up as the conduit through which your friends and family’s manifestations come to them, that’s great. But you will have to wait until they become a match to what they want, so it can flow them. It can flow to them through you, if you’re a willing participant in that process, or it can flow to them through some other way. In other words, you can certainly volunteer to let other people manifest through you, if that makes you happy, but you’re not necessary to their process. However, and really pay attention to this, you can’t make that process happen. To put it more succinctly: You can’t create in anyone else’s reality. Ever. You can only ever create in your own.

Why do you really want the money?

Sure, you want to help. And again, that’s great. I’m a big old helper myself, so I get the strong desire to assist others. But why do you feel the need to help your friends and family, as opposed to simply wanting to help and attracting the people who are ready for your help? I’m going to venture a very likely guess here: Your friends and family aren’t happy. They’re poor and bitching about it. They blame all their issues on their lack of money. And, as you so astutely recognized, they are actually blocking money from coming to them. You’re not going to be able to change that.

What’s really going on here, though, is that you are feeling bad because they’re feeling bad. You want to manifest money so that you can give it to them and they can feel better, which, in turn, will finally allow you to feel better. Wow. That’s a long, twisty way to go to a better feeling. What the hell, Awesome Jimmy? Have I taught you nothing? ;)

You can’t tie how you feel to how someone else feels. In other words, stop making them responsible for how you feel. Because, that’s exactly what you’re doing here. If they feel better, you’ll feel better. And that’s not fair – not to them and especially not to you. Let me paint you an alternative picture (queue the harp music):

Your life through a different lens

Let’s say that instead of focusing all your attention on trying to manifest something for your miserable loved ones so that you can feel better, you figure out what YOU want. Perhaps there are things that you really want, stuff that you’ve been putting off until you found a way to stop the whining and bitching from those around you. What would you do with a bunch of money if they were taken care of? What does Jimmy want? Make a little list (or a big one). Create a vision of your life that makes YOU happy. And yes, in that vision, you can see your friends and family as being happy, too. You get to include that as one of your desires, but you can’t make your own happiness dependent on it. You also can’t make your happiness dependent on any other manifestation, like a car or a house. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? You want get whatever you want, providing you don’t NEED to get that thing in order to be happy.

Let’s say that you focus only on what you really want, and you do it in a way that feels really good. You’ll probably have to disregard your family for a bit in order to reach that good feeling place. Focusing on their unhappiness is clearly doing you no favors. So, get off that train, Jimmy boy. Now, let’s say that you do manage to manifest a ton of money. Those miserable relatives will probably begin to demand that you give them some, because it will solve all their problems. Now, being a good Deliberate Receiver, you’re going to check with your gut, and will only give them money if it feels really good to you. You’re not going to try and manifest in their reality or interfere with their process by going against your intuition. Let’s say that your gut tells you not to share in this instance. Doing so would actually delay their process.

They whine and complain and add you to the list of people and circumstances to blame for their situation. You, on the other hand, continue to live your happy, manifestation filled life. Your friends and family continue to focus on what they don’t want, but one of them begins to see things a little differently. Let’s call him John. He remembers that you, too, didn’t have any money at one point. While the others accredit your new wealth to luck, John begins to suspect that maybe that’s not true. Perhaps, he thinks, if you could do it then so can he. He visits with you and asks you questions. He wants to know how you did it. And when you tell him that it was all in your focus, that you had to ignore the negative people, that you had to have the courage to dream and ask “What if I can have everything I want?”, that you had to get into the feeling of already having everything you need (the feeling of not missing anything, of being happy already), he actually listens and takes notes.

Over the course of the next few weeks, John checks in with you from time to time. He’s meditating and focusing positively and willing to dream of what he wants in a way that actually feels good. He ignores the rest of the family and decides to feel good despite their best efforts to convince him that he’ll never amount to anything because the deck is stacked against them all. They’ll work really hard to get him to re-join them, since seeing him succeed will contradict their strongly held belief that they’re poor because of issues beyond their control and will make them have to face the idea that maybe, just maybe, they could do something about their situation. But John follows your lead and continues to focus on what he wants. He knows that the others could join him at any time. He understands that it’s their choice (even if they don’t know that it is) and that he can’t make them come with him on his journey. If they choose not to join him there’s nothing he can do. But he can decide to move forward towards happiness without them, rather than stay and commiserate with them.

And lo and behold, after a few months, John is making a lot of money, just like you.

Helping others through inspiration

Now, you may not have given John any actual cash during his journey (unless you were inspired to), but he was inspired by the fact that you defied the energy of the others and got out. Perhaps, after seeing two of you succeed, someone else in the family decides to take a leap of faith and begins to question if they’re really as powerless as they’ve always believed. It’s entirely possible that your willingness to shift your energy and manifest your happiness starts a chain reaction where one relative after another finds a way to make the same shift. The more people in your vicinity are able to make that change, the easier it will be for the rest to follow. But someone has to be the first one.

Lining up with what you want

While you can’t manifest for your family, you can certainly choose to line up with a different version of them, one that’s not so damn miserable. You could, for example, decide that living with miserable bastards isn’t any fun for you (yes, you have to take a selfish stance here), and that you’d really rather be surrounded by happy people. So, you begin so see them as happy. If you can’t do this, then get away from them. That’ll generally help. Visualize them as happy and whole and as having everything they’ve ever wanted. Convince yourself that they, in their own way, are on their path to just such a scenario, even if it isn’t always apparent. Trust that they will eventually get there and that you don’t need to worry about how that will happen, or do anything to make it happen. It’s a done deal.

If you focus on their happiness in a way that doesn’t make yours dependent on the outcome (be happy anyway), you can line yourself up with a different version of them; one that mirrors your own happiness back to you. Can you guarantee that they’ll be totally happy? No. But your experience of them will be much more positive. They’ll be in a good mood around you (or they won’t be able to have access to you), and will perk up every time you come around. I’ve personally experienced this many times in my life. People that others describe as miserable and even rude become friendly and downright snuggly around me. As long as I am only a match to good feeling experiences, they can’t come into my reality unless they’re willing to let their Happy Shiny Puppy side come out to play.

Bottom line

So, to answer your question, yes, your negatively focused friends and relatives can slow down your manifestation of money, if you let them. And, you can slow down their progression to happiness (at least in your experience) by focusing on how unhappy they are. It may seem selfish to start ignoring their pain and go for what YOU want, but ultimately, it’s the only way to line yourself up with a happier version of them. This is the true win-win nature of the Universe. Truly help yourself and you’ll automatically help all those around you. Focus on helping others to your own detriment, and you both lose. Now, Awesome Jimmy, the only question that remains is: Would you rather be a win-winner or a lose-loser? ;)

{ 26 comments }

Just call me A. April 8, 2013 at 22:55

Wow, this is great! I will need to re-read, but loved the pic (it is one of the best) and loved the theme of “be happy anyway”. You can really see it clearly here. Thanks!

Bernie April 9, 2013 at 00:00
Neave April 9, 2013 at 00:23

So glad I stumbled onto your blog. This is great information, especially your point that family members and ‘friends’ who oppose our desires for a better life do so because our efforts challenge their beliefs. Also, the happiness factor spreads like a chain, one person to the next, until we’ve got an entire movement. Makes me do the happy dance. Love the photo.

Melody Fletcher April 29, 2013 at 20:50

Welcome to Deliberate Receiving Neave! Glad to have you here! And thanks for the kind words.

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Nathalie April 9, 2013 at 03:54

This is awesome Melody. I think one of my biggest resistance issues around money is the fear of wondering how to deal with it if I ever I suddenly had lots and had to deal with a whole bunch of people wanting me to give it all to them. I understand that if it doesn’t feel right, you shouldn’t do it, but I’d be upset if people thought I was a b*tch. (Hmm… another resistance issue I need to work through? Why do I care anymore about what other people think of me…?)

I do love the idea of helping others through inspiration, though.

And I have to say, LoA is funny. This money thing has been on my mind lately, and MC is going to be doing a guest post on my blog on Wednesday (I am so excited, Lady Awesomesauce herself!), she sent the piece to me today and what was it about? Money resistance issues. And as soon as I had her post all set up and scheduled, I check my email and there’s your latest post… and it’s about money, too.

Obviously, I need to think about this money thing some… I’m actually laughing as I type this… sometimes the Universe’s sense of humour really gets me. :-)
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Carole Remy April 9, 2013 at 04:09

Synchronicity, Nathalie! If we can see the signs, we are always getting exactly what we need when we need it! Hugs! So excited to be on your blog! Carole

PS We’re all circular here. I just noticed that your post on MY blog is the commentluv. Hee hee. Read it, y’all!
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Wendi S. April 9, 2013 at 15:05

Interesting Nathalie:

I’ve been having the same issues with Money..I know I have resistance and have been asking very similar questions – my biggest one – Why do I care so much about what others think of me?! I know that I am not a Bitch or bitchy and that I have lots of things that inspire me to help the overall good of humanity…Is it just that money somehow equals bitchiness because there are so many who don’t have money? Questions to ask I suppose.

Great article as always Ms. Awesomesauce (love that name by the way!) and just exactly what I needed at just the perfect time.

Nathalie April 10, 2013 at 21:06

Hi Wendi… money is definitely one of those trigger things for a lot of us, I think.

I tried an experiment last night… I used a Google image search to find lovely colourful pictures of money in my own country’s currency and changed my computer’s desktop wallpaper to be pictures of money. The thought was that I could immerse myself in the feeling of money, and get used to seeing a lot of it so that it becomes a common thing and just another part of my vibe. Interestingly enough, this morning I made a sale from my jewelry site (which has not seen a sale in a couple of months)! Now I’m toying with the idea of changing my wallpaper image to a higher denomination, just to see what happens! :-) lol
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Wendi S. April 10, 2013 at 21:51

Hi Nathalie:

What a FANTASTICALLY creative idea! Thank you..:)

Carole Remy April 9, 2013 at 04:13

Hi Melody,

How true that we each find our own path. And how interesting that the three of us, you, me, and Nathalie, are all pondering money at the same time. What struck me today is that there is generally an even deeper issue under the money. The one I uncovered this afternoon is trust, trusting other people, trusting the Universe. Money was just a symptom, like a fever that lets you know you have the flu.

Huge hugs,

Carole
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Just call me A. April 9, 2013 at 14:27

Hey MC!

That is a fab article on waiting for change! I tried to comment there, but no go, so I am posting here instead.

You are absolutely right. I have seen this happen myself and thank you for posting such a pertinent topic that is so misunderstood by the rest of society, the non-loa-ers that is. People think they should always be on the go, yet this is the human fallacy. As you mentioned, being happy and appreciative are the way to go and the ball keeps rolling! Marvelous! Many thanks for the reminder to not be needy and worry about it (they go together) because this is part of it as well.

Carole Remy April 9, 2013 at 16:38

Hi A!

I think waiting can be a challenge for LOAers as well. It certainly can be for me. It come down to trust. Do we trust the Universe to make everything work, or do we still feel that we have to do it all ourselves? That’s exactly the topic I explore on Nathalie’s blog tomorrow.

Sorry you had trouble commenting on my blog. I thought we finally had it all fixed. Grrrr. Can I ask what browser you were using? We tested Chrome, Firefox, and Explorer and they all seemed to work fine. Do you have a Google account? I tried to enable the commenting for everyone, but obviously there’s more to fix. Hee hee. Waiting!! Law of Attraction at work!

Hugs! Have an awesome Tuesday!

Carole
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Just call me A. April 9, 2013 at 16:58

Hi MC.

I was actually on safari. Sometimes posting on your site works for me and sometimes it does not. But it is good to know that I can also find you here!!!!!

Hugs,

Carole Remy April 9, 2013 at 18:30

Thanks A! We’ll test out Safari today. Extra hug, just because, Carole
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Carole Remy April 10, 2013 at 03:52

Hi A! I think we fixed it. Do you mind trying one more time? We did find some articles on the web about how Safari and Google Blogger don’t play well together, but we also found some patches. Hopefully it works now! Hugs, and thanks many times over for letting me know about the problem! Carole
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Patty April 9, 2013 at 06:08

Yet another fantabulous post, Melody! This sounds so much like many members of my family. Unfortunately, I can talk to them of LOA until I am purple; they see that I’m lighter and happier/more optimistic, but until they see some mega change in the physical they’re just not buying in :( Some of them think I’m “daydreaming” all the time LOL Interestingly, I am very motivated to help a couple of them when I land my financial freedom, but I’m not telling them that!
So, nothing with the chair yet, Melody, but I know it’s coming to stores near you soon! I HAVE manifested a random $500 and a $50 surprise, so …. !! YAY!!
I am so very grateful to have found you, Mel!
HUMONGOUS Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs

Melody Fletcher April 29, 2013 at 20:53

That’s awesome Patty! Those smaller manifestations are signs that you’re on the right path. Keep it up! The momentum is building!

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Eve April 9, 2013 at 10:40

And another person feeling the force of synchronicity here. I have just sent a question that is very similar to this one to Melody. My issue wasn’t that I want to manifest money to help, but that if I had money I would help family members because I love them. But what happens if their road doesn’t include receiving that help? Does that mean I don’t get my manifestation because I would be generous?

nicola April 9, 2013 at 13:52

Your a true seer. Thanks so much melody. I get so much from your posts.

Debi @aCountryGrandma April 9, 2013 at 14:06

Thanks, Mel … more than you know. I have been curious about this for quite some time (my ex-boyfriend was so negative about everything including money). He was a talker and I recently had to break it off as his voice of “reason” was always vocalizing and I couldn’t ignore it or block it out any longer. He also didn’t share any of my core values and the friction was increasing despite my efforts. I have several recent posts flagged in my “inbox” and hopefully I will get to them later today.
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B April 9, 2013 at 16:14

Attracting money is always an awesome subject to cover, Melody. We actually just had the Grand National horse racing over here and I have always taken part in a bet or two, and every time I bet, I always win something xD! I keep that statement in mind every single time I make a bet on the horses, and this year I won £85, I only paid out £2 for the bet c:

Unfortunately, I failed my driving test again today, but I hold the belief that ‘female examiners have it out for me’ and couldn’t seem to shake that my relationships with women were not as good as my relationships with men, so the night before, I focused on having a male examiner, and him telling me ‘congratulations, you have passed!’. Today I awoke in a great mood about my test but the closer we got to my test time, the more nervous I began to get. I got a male examiner and perked up a bit, but still failed, though only by one point… I conclude that my next test, my male examiner will tell me I have passed ;P

Just call me A. April 9, 2013 at 18:15

Hey B.

Could not help but notice your post on this! Was thinking about this the other day! My instructors had pointed out that the women exminers are terrible.
I, too, failed with a male examiner last year by a few points because he did not like my turns (too choppy and too slow).

I seriously thought I would pass, as the weather was perfect throughout all my practice time and it was really fun. I thought the universe had made it all out for me for all the cooperative components were there. Yet, on the day of the test, it was pouring rain and I had not even used the window wipers at all. I almost lost my smartphone as it fell into a puddle.

I did not seem comfortable in the car, according to him, which is really what they are looking for. He even told me to go take the test elsewhere where it is easier, but the test is given a few minutes away from me in my city.

That was when I had a severe anxiety disorder, which has leveled off, thank goodness, on its own. I need to get behind the wheel again. I get so afraid on highways and especially other drivers, but I know it is the fear that prevents me from being this great driver I am supposed to be.

John April 9, 2013 at 21:11

Thanks, Melody! I needed to read that & I think I got the point in a way I have not gotten it before, even though you have told me more that once!

If I focus on my daughter being happy in the future and refuse to focus on behavior in the present that bothers me, that is the best service I can provide to her.

It can still be hard at times, but I am getting closer to doing it!

Huge hugs,

John

Joshua Tilghman April 11, 2013 at 17:51

Words of wisdom! Thanks for this.
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Nay April 13, 2013 at 02:26

Hey Melody,

Playing catch up here. It still amazes me all the synchronicities that are appearing in my life now! While with my daughter and son-in-law, we were talking about what we would do if we manifested a huge amount of money. And we all talked about how we would be giving amounts to our family members, just like this post is mentioning.

And there was that sense of fear, which we talked about also, that there would be those who would always want more and claim that we were selfish for not giving them more and taking care of them because we had SOOO much! And I see in the comments that there are others who have this same fear.

So fear is a huge hang-up when it comes to money in so many ways. Fear of losing it, fear of others wanting more, fear of being considered selfish and a total bitch if I didn’t provide for everyone who wants some of the money… The list could go on and on!

But as you state so plainly, it’s our thoughts and feelings that will determine everything we get and don’t get in our lives. So instead of dwelling on the negatives of money and family, I obviously need to spend more time on the positives of both. And yes, I have noticed when I do, that things do take an up-turn. But it isn’t consistent yet, so I need to work on building a bit of momentum on the positive side obviously! :)

To another amazing post that just amplifies the synchronicities of my world, which just shows how much control I really do exert on my reality when I focus properly and consistently!

Thanks as always.
Nay

PP May 13, 2013 at 10:55

Thanks a ton, I’ve been struggling with the same thing. It’s so identical to my own situation that I almost gave you a metric ton of my thanks from my own chest of lack. But now the deed is done, I’m only smiling for you or at you. :)

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