Coaching Call #043 came out yesterday. The topic of this week’s call is: She Wants Love But Feels That She Has To Compromise.
This client is battling the belief that she can have nearly what she wants, but will always have to compromise. She’s also afraid that if she finds Mr. Awesome that she’ll lose her identity. She doesn’t want to just play a supporting role. But what does a truly balanced relationship actually look like?
Awesome Jimmy asks: “I’ve been using the law of attraction to attract money to me recently, and my goal is to get a large amount of money so that I’ll be able to help my friends and family around me. However, it seems that the people around me are using the law of attraction to repel money from them. They worry a lot about money, and that negative energy seems to keep building up. Will that in turn prevent me from getting the money I want to eventually end up helping them?”
Hey there Awesome Jimmy,
Here’s the thing: while it’s commendable that you want to manifest something just so you can help others, it’s a bit misguided, LOA wise. Let me explain:
Their manifestation is THEIR manifestation
If you’re going to set yourself up as the conduit through which your friends and family’s manifestations come to them, that’s great. But you will have to wait until they become a match to what they want, so it can flow them. It can flow to them through you, if you’re a willing participant in that process, or it can flow to them through some other way. In other words, you can certainly volunteer to let other people manifest through you, if that makes you happy, but you’re not necessary to their process. However, and really pay attention to this, you can’t make that process happen. To put it more succinctly: You can’t create in anyone else’s reality. Ever. You can only ever create in your own.
Why do you really want the money?
Sure, you want to help. And again, that’s great. I’m a big old helper myself, so I get the strong desire to assist others. But why do you feel the need to help your friends and family, as opposed to simply wanting to help and attracting the people who are ready for your help? I’m going to venture a very likely guess here: Your friends and family aren’t happy. They’re poor and bitching about it. They blame all their issues on their lack of money. And, as you so astutely recognized, they are actually blocking money from coming to them. You’re not going to be able to change that.
What’s really going on here, though, is that you are feeling bad because they’re feeling bad. You want to manifest money so that you can give it to them and they can feel better, which, in turn, will finally allow you to feel better. Wow. That’s a long, twisty way to go to a better feeling. What the hell, Awesome Jimmy? Have I taught you nothing?
You can’t tie how you feel to how someone else feels. In other words, stop making them responsible for how you feel. Because, that’s exactly what you’re doing here. If they feel better, you’ll feel better. And that’s not fair – not to them and especially not to you. Let me paint you an alternative picture (queue the harp music):
Your life through a different lens
Let’s say that instead of focusing all your attention on trying to manifest something for your miserable loved ones so that you can feel better, you figure out what YOU want. Perhaps there are things that you really want, stuff that you’ve been putting off until you found a way to stop the whining and bitching from those around you. What would you do with a bunch of money if they were taken care of? What does Jimmy want? Make a little list (or a big one). Create a vision of your life that makes YOU happy. And yes, in that vision, you can see your friends and family as being happy, too. You get to include that as one of your desires, but you can’t make your own happiness dependent on it. You also can’t make your happiness dependent on any other manifestation, like a car or a house. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? You want get whatever you want, providing you don’t NEED to get that thing in order to be happy.
Let’s say that you focus only on what you really want, and you do it in a way that feels really good. You’ll probably have to disregard your family for a bit in order to reach that good feeling place. Focusing on their unhappiness is clearly doing you no favors. So, get off that train, Jimmy boy. Now, let’s say that you do manage to manifest a ton of money. Those miserable relatives will probably begin to demand that you give them some, because it will solve all their problems. Now, being a good Deliberate Receiver, you’re going to check with your gut, and will only give them money if it feels really good to you. You’re not going to try and manifest in their reality or interfere with their process by going against your intuition. Let’s say that your gut tells you not to share in this instance. Doing so would actually delay their process.
They whine and complain and add you to the list of people and circumstances to blame for their situation. You, on the other hand, continue to live your happy, manifestation filled life. Your friends and family continue to focus on what they don’t want, but one of them begins to see things a little differently. Let’s call him John. He remembers that you, too, didn’t have any money at one point. While the others accredit your new wealth to luck, John begins to suspect that maybe that’s not true. Perhaps, he thinks, if you could do it then so can he. He visits with you and asks you questions. He wants to know how you did it. And when you tell him that it was all in your focus, that you had to ignore the negative people, that you had to have the courage to dream and ask “What if I can have everything I want?”, that you had to get into the feeling of already having everything you need (the feeling of not missing anything, of being happy already), he actually listens and takes notes.
Over the course of the next few weeks, John checks in with you from time to time. He’s meditating and focusing positively and willing to dream of what he wants in a way that actually feels good. He ignores the rest of the family and decides to feel good despite their best efforts to convince him that he’ll never amount to anything because the deck is stacked against them all. They’ll work really hard to get him to re-join them, since seeing him succeed will contradict their strongly held belief that they’re poor because of issues beyond their control and will make them have to face the idea that maybe, just maybe, they could do something about their situation. But John follows your lead and continues to focus on what he wants. He knows that the others could join him at any time. He understands that it’s their choice (even if they don’t know that it is) and that he can’t make them come with him on his journey. If they choose not to join him there’s nothing he can do. But he can decide to move forward towards happiness without them, rather than stay and commiserate with them.
And lo and behold, after a few months, John is making a lot of money, just like you.
Helping others through inspiration
Now, you may not have given John any actual cash during his journey (unless you were inspired to), but he was inspired by the fact that you defied the energy of the others and got out. Perhaps, after seeing two of you succeed, someone else in the family decides to take a leap of faith and begins to question if they’re really as powerless as they’ve always believed. It’s entirely possible that your willingness to shift your energy and manifest your happiness starts a chain reaction where one relative after another finds a way to make the same shift. The more people in your vicinity are able to make that change, the easier it will be for the rest to follow. But someone has to be the first one.
Lining up with what you want
While you can’t manifest for your family, you can certainly choose to line up with a different version of them, one that’s not so damn miserable. You could, for example, decide that living with miserable bastards isn’t any fun for you (yes, you have to take a selfish stance here), and that you’d really rather be surrounded by happy people. So, you begin so see them as happy. If you can’t do this, then get away from them. That’ll generally help. Visualize them as happy and whole and as having everything they’ve ever wanted. Convince yourself that they, in their own way, are on their path to just such a scenario, even if it isn’t always apparent. Trust that they will eventually get there and that you don’t need to worry about how that will happen, or do anything to make it happen. It’s a done deal.
If you focus on their happiness in a way that doesn’t make yours dependent on the outcome (be happy anyway), you can line yourself up with a different version of them; one that mirrors your own happiness back to you. Can you guarantee that they’ll be totally happy? No. But your experience of them will be much more positive. They’ll be in a good mood around you (or they won’t be able to have access to you), and will perk up every time you come around. I’ve personally experienced this many times in my life. People that others describe as miserable and even rude become friendly and downright snuggly around me. As long as I am only a match to good feeling experiences, they can’t come into my reality unless they’re willing to let their Happy Shiny Puppy side come out to play.
So, to answer your question, yes, your negatively focused friends and relatives can slow down your manifestation of money, if you let them. And, you can slow down their progression to happiness (at least in your experience) by focusing on how unhappy they are. It may seem selfish to start ignoring their pain and go for what YOU want, but ultimately, it’s the only way to line yourself up with a happier version of them. This is the true win-win nature of the Universe. Truly help yourself and you’ll automatically help all those around you. Focus on helping others to your own detriment, and you both lose. Now, Awesome Jimmy, the only question that remains is: Would you rather be a win-winner or a lose-loser?