Dear LOA: What If I Found My Soul Mate, But He Doesn’t Love Me Back?

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by Melody Fletcher on March 26, 2013

 

Awesome Emily wants to know: “I understand to find your soul mate you have to be a vibrational match to your partner.  I still don’t understand how it can, in life, seem so one sided.  For example, how can you feel such a burning, strong attraction to another person and have them not return those feelings whatsoever? What are you feeling if you aren’t in fact a mutual vibrational match?”

Excellent question, Emily! I’m happy to answer it at length (ha!). So, strap yourself in, here we go:

You get what you attract, not what you want

While it’s true that you’re supposed to get everything you want, you don’t necessarily (much to the chagrin of all humans, everywhere, for all time). That’s because you don’t manifest what you want; you manifest what you are a vibrational match to.

When you’re a vibrational match to something, you will feel a sense of resonance with it, a recognition. So far so good. And, if that something isn’t a match to what you want, you might get really frustrated or angry or sad about it. But, if you understand LOA, you’ll realize at some point that it’s a good thing that you’ve attracted this situation you don’t want into your reality, because it’s showing you where your vibration is actually at, versus where you want it to be. And you can use this information to re-attune yourself to what you want (i.e., focus on what you want, instead of on what you don’t want).

But what about if something that seems to match what you want comes in and then doesn’t work out?

Let me make something very, very clear: If there is a vibrational match, the manifestation will come about. You won’t be able to stop it. So, if you are truly and completely, and 100% a match to what you want, you will get what you want. If you are not currently getting exactly what you want (or something even better), you are not a 100% match to what you want. Period.

So, if you have attracted a man who seems like he’d be perfect for you and you have developed feelings for him, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same way, then you are not currently a match to what you want. You’re a match to something else, specifically, to what you’ve actually manifested.

He’s not the one

While this man you’re attracted to may or may not have the ability to become a match to what you want, it’s better to work off the assumption that he might not be, and stay open to all possibilities. This is because working off the assumption that he is the one, which is what you’re currently doing, often causes us to determine that he MUST be the one (instead of he COULD be the one), which pinches off energy.

Whenever we decide that what we want has to come to us in a specific way, we close off all the other avenues through which it can come. We actually shut down the energy flow, which is very, very painful. Incidentally, we also pinch off the energy flow if we decide that what we want can’t come to us in a certain way (like deciding that we want money, but it shouldn’t come to us through our parents). In other words, whenever we try to control HOW what we want comes to us in any way, we slow down or “resist” the energy flow. And that causes negative emotions.

Unrequited love

When someone comes into your reality who matches a lot of what you want, we feel the resonance of all the points in which they already match what we want, and we get excited. Our emotions soar. So far, nothing has gone wrong.

But then… we decide that he must be “the one”, that he must be a match to EVERYTHING we want, and we latch on to the idea that this is it, we’ve made it, the long and lonely wait is finally over. No, we introduce the element of NEED into the equation. We desperately want him to be the one, we can’t conceive of the idea that he might not be. If not him, then who? Why not now? How freaking long is this going to take, anyway? What if it never happens? No, it must be him. He’s here now, and it’s just GOT to be him. Also, no one has ever come closer to matching what we want. We can’t possibly do better than this. Sure, we don’t know everything about him, but he seems bloody perfect, and so he probably is, right? Oh God, what if this is our last chance? What if no one even remotely as good as this ever comes along again? It HAS to be him, dammit! Do you feel the desperation oozing from these words? That, my dear, is not alignment. That’s negative emotion.

Unrequited love hurts. It hurts because you’re holding on to a point of view that isn’t serving you. And when you’re close to manifesting what you want, when you were already almost aligned with it and you had massive momentum going and you were so close that you manifested a specimen that was almost a perfect match, and you THEN turn around and contradict that energy, well, it’s a bit like trying to stop a wrecking ball in full swing. It’s gonna hurt, y’all.

Stop resisting what you want

If you and he aren’t happening, then you’re not entirely a match to what you want. Look at this man. What do you like about him? Loads, I’ll bet. Is there anything you don’t like about him (other than that he’s not as cooperative as you’d like him to be)? What would you like instead (example: a man who’s as crazy about you as you are about him). If you can see this man for who he is in your reality, as someone who has come into your world to show you where your vibration is currently at and help you to fine tune it, and if you can let go of the idea that it MUST be him, and could potentially be someone else, and then create a positive expectation (look forward to the relationship you are creating, as if it’s a done deal that it will happen), you will continue to align more and more with what you want.

But you have to let go of the idea that this particular guy has to be it. You don’t get to determine that. You can want it to be him, but you can’t NEED it to be him. You have to be ok with the idea that someone even better could come into your reality.

Focus on the qualities, not the guy

This guy is a representation of energy. Yes, people are energy, too. And so, you’ve manifested a representation of qualities that you’re currently a match to. Any quality that isn’t yet the way you like it is an opportunity to fine tune. This includes the quality of him wanting you back. If you can focus on the qualities rather than the guy himself, you’ll get some detachment (i.e. become less needy), which will make it much easier for you to align with what you want.

But, what tends to happen in these situations is that we see the man’s refusal to like us back as a rejection, and a judgment of our worthiness. We begin to blame ourselves for not being good enough in some way, and may even begin to try and change ourselves so that he’ll like us more. We focus on what actions we can take to make THIS MAN love us. But that’s a bit like giving away your two kids so that your family will fit into a two-seater sports car. You’ve decided that this car is the car for you, since it has so many of the features you want. Never mind that there are some fundamental issues. Who cares! It’s this car or nothing! After all, cars are hard to find these days.

Where are all the good men?

I know it can seem like there aren’t that many awesome men out there. We’re bombarded with man hating messages all day, which pretty much guarantees that we meet up with tons of douchebags. I’m continuously surprised by how acceptable it is to beat up on men, describe them to be caveman-like idiots who, at best, become like another toddler to take care of after we marry them (and aren’t they lucky when we do?). Hell, even men make fun of themselves for their simplicity (bad, BAD idea, guys)! Oh yes, and while we’re at it, all men only want sex and the only reason they ever enter into a relationship is to get laid on a regular basis. They’ll say and do anything to trick you into the sack, and then you’re stuck with them, all because you wanted love. They have no emotions beyond hunger, horniness and sleepiness. They’re basically sex crazed babies, whom women, in their infinite goodness and virtuous quest for love, frequently fall victim to. Any of this sounding familiar?

I’ve met just as many needy, manipulative women as I have men who were true douchebags. The crazy goes both ways, ladies. The grand majority of men are nice, honest guys, who have just as many emotions as women do. They’ve simply been taught not to express them as freely. They want love just as much as women do. And while they love sex (as do women, by the way!), they’d much rather wait until their partner is just as ready for it as they are, than make love to someone who isn’t really into it (think about it – who the hell wants to schtupp a lifeless sack of potatoes?)

There are plenty, and I do mean PLENTY of awesome men out there. But you can’t find them while you’re chanting:

  1. All men are assholes
  2. All the good ones are taken
  3. I only meet douchebags
  4. It’s hard for me to find good men at my age (all the men my age are dorks)
  5. Lists of how men suck in various ways (why cucumbers are better than men, why men are useless, etc.)
  6. Insert favorite man-hating joke here

Honestly, start listening to the language you use about men and your chances of finding love. How many of them are limiting and negative? How many are supportive and positive? Here are a few positive beliefs you’d be better off adopting:

  1. There are plenty of men
  2. If I’m honest about it, I actually know some pretty great men (think of all the men you know, even the taken ones, or those that don’t qualify as romantic partners)
  3. There are plenty of good ones left. Otherwise, no one would be getting married anymore (do you really think ALL those women are settling??)
  4. I’ll bet that somewhere there’s a group of amazing men wondering where all the great women are at
  5. I love men
  6. Men are awesome

Bottom line

I know it’s hard to let go of the idea that a man you have major feelings for might not be the one. But the only reason that’s so painful is if you tie your desire for love to that specific man. If you do that, then letting him go will feel awful, because you’ll be trying to let go of your chances for love at the same time. Instead, understand that love is on the way, an awesome match is on the way, and that anything that isn’t yet right about this manifestation, including that he should absolutely adore you, is simply an indicator that you’ve got some fine tuning to do. He’s the showroom model (yep, I’m back to car metaphors), which doesn’t necessarily have all the features you want, but which you can use to fine tune your list. The fact that he isn’t yet perfect is NOT an indication that the final model isn’t coming. And yes, it is possible that as you align with what you truly want, that this particular man could become a match to you and begin to like you back. You can stay open to that scenario; just don’t get locked into the idea that he has to be the one. Line up with what you want, and it MUST come into your experience. If you aren’t getting what you want, you’re not quite aligned yet and have some fine tuning to do.
 

{ 43 comments }

dominique March 26, 2013 at 14:13

I also read somewhere that the soul mate might be working through some karmic issues with other people in his life and therefore has other ‘work’ to do. This doesn’t mean he is not a vibrational match for you, just that he has other stuff to take care of right now. You might as well get on with being the best that you can be and develop yourself in the meantime. It’s also the case, as Melody says, that other people come into our lives to help us fine-tune our vibrations and I’ve found that the pain this sometimes causes is growth-related, which when I realised this, made it more bearable, and I did indeed grow through it :) . People that I have loved and people who have caused me unbelievable frustration (my boss!) both come into this category.

Laura March 26, 2013 at 19:06

“I also read somewhere that the soul mate might be working through some karmic issues with other people in his life and therefore has other ‘work’ to do.”

Interesting. But I wonder if the possibility that he has other work to do, which makes him not ready for the relationship the other person wants, if this would be a factor in him not being a vibrational match.

The vibrations are coming from somewhere…ie. thoughts and feelings about what’s going on in our own lives.

Catharine March 26, 2013 at 14:50

Thank you! Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your blogs….
This LOA information saves lives and makes life a lot easier for us human beans! How blessed I am to have found you! Huge air hugs!

Eve March 26, 2013 at 14:55

Thank you for a great post! This makes so much sense when I am reading it (and re-reading it), and I do this – I detach and I focus on the qualities and the feeings that I want and I am clear that it could be, but might not be, this man. All good. Then I see him. And blam! I have to start all over again. And again. And again. And I do worry that I am focussing too much on the thing I don’t have because I keep seeing the thing I don’t have, even though I am working really hard at focussing on the feelings and the qualities and not the person. It is just that he is so in my face.

I’ll keep working! And reading this over and over. Thanks again.

Liz September 28, 2013 at 14:45

Yeah Eve,
I recognize this! As long as you don’t have any contact life goes well, but as soon as i see him ( my ex) i keep regretting i have let him go and now he is happy ( beliefs, beliefs….) with somebody else….

Rebecca March 26, 2013 at 16:56

I really enjoyed this article. There is a man in my life whom I loved and adored (for two years now!) and felt I “resonated” with but obviously he isn’t a vibrational match. I lived with him for 8 months. Oddly though, as I “detach,” he is actually a bit more in communication with me. I guess I have dropped down to his vibration. That is okay. I appreciate him as a friend. I know that there are more men out there, but I am not currently looking. I have become more focused upon loving me.

Pam March 26, 2013 at 17:06

I always have aha moments when after reading your answers. So that’s what I need to do instead! Detach myself. Thank you!

Moonsparkle March 26, 2013 at 18:34

I had a crush that became very painful and I was very unhappy and it was actually making me feel ill sometimes. I felt like it was dragging my energy down. I worked very hard on detaching and have got to a place where I feel better now, after nearly 4 years. I’ve read that you shouldn’t resist things but I suppose resisting isn’t the same as detaching? I mean I was still saying, “I don’t want this” but then I tried to just accept it, while at the same time working on detaching. I know that detaching was the right thing to do, for me. Eve, I know exactly what you mean about seeing him and then having to start over. Especially, “It is just that he is so in my face.”!! I would find it harder to cope with seeing him when I was already feeling down in general. I just couldn’t cope with the feelings as well then. I suppose something in him attracted me but we can’t have been a mutual vibrational match because then we would be together! lol. It can’t have been a good vibrational match on my side anyway, because if it was, why would I feel so bad? Unless it was just my reaction to it all that was making me feel bad?

I read a lot about “soul connections”, aka soulmates and Twin Flames and although the idea of a soulmate who is like the perfect one for you and only you sounds really romantic, to be honest, a lot of what I read sounded painful and horrible! I don’t see the point of being in some kind of soul connection that just made you feel horrible and not being able to get out of it. And what about free will? Maybe it’s a mixture. I now think that we probably have multiple soulmates, so there’s not just one person. Thanks for the post, Melody and thank you Emily, for asking the question. :)

Eve March 26, 2013 at 19:04

You are right, Moonsparkle (cool name), it does make a difference when you are already feeling a little vulnerable. I think it probably is your reaction to it that is making you feel bad.

The worst part for me is that I was content in my singleness and was not trying to manifest any relationship at all. It came out of the blue and completely floored me. It seems unfair to have something I didn’t ask for, but realised I would very much like once it had arrived, come into my life, only to have it ‘not be a match’. What is that all about? So maybe he arrived as an ‘opportunity for growth’. Great. So now it’s not about manifesting what we want, but rather having a really nice thing waved in front of you and then pulled away just when you think you might actually like to grab it, so that you can grow. Surely the universe is not that perverse.

Regarding ‘soul connections’, I think I have to agree with you that most of it sounds massively painful and horrible and I am not sure I want to add more hurt. So, I prefer to not think about such connections in terms of soul mates or twin flames or whatever.

Moonsparkle March 27, 2013 at 01:53

Hey Eve,
Thanks for your reply and the compliment about my name. :) That was the conclusion I came to, about it being an opportunity for growth and to teach me something. Yes, that does seem unfair that it happened when you weren’t even looking for something and then realised you would like it after all but couldn’t have it. I hope the universe isn’t that perverse either.

Yeah, I’m not even sure if this soul connection stuff is even true, it’s something I considered but who knows? I decided that if it is true, it’s probably better not to have one because of all the upset it causes!

lili March 27, 2013 at 17:33

Eve, I completely understand your puzzleness! I agree!

I feel the same with my career. Here I am, skipping happily towards the barn, when BAM! This wonderful opportunity presents itself out of the blue, without me looking for it. Oh god, thank you, this would be fantastic! Ohmy! Im so lucky!

And then… it disappears.

What. The. Fack.

Over and over again.

I want to know what is the growth I need to spur, because for the life of me, I can’t fathom.

You, Universe, are a mighty c-teaser.

Eve March 27, 2013 at 19:02

You just made me snort my juice, lili. Thanks, I needed that!

Eve March 28, 2013 at 20:14

Sorry, I meant I needed the laugh, not the juice snorting. As I re-read that I realised it made no sense.

Laura March 26, 2013 at 19:29

Coming from another POV of sorts is the physical and psychological. Physically speaking there are chemicals involved in our bodies/brains when we’re attracted to someone. So this feels like love in the beginning and it feels so good that some of us forget to just wait and see, get to know the person for who they really are, not who we want them to be. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the honeymoon period. And of course these chemicals have their own vibration, which changes over time.

Then the psychological…we are all vibrating already with certain beliefs and thoughts that can tend to get “locked in,” especially if we’re not aware of them. So I think a lot of folks tend to move toward the familiar…even if the familiar isn’t so pleasant or healthy or right for us. One example is when people have “types” whether it be body/look type, personality type, temperament type, etc. All vibrations as well.

Hugs.

DawnStar March 26, 2013 at 22:28

Hey guys, you know for me, as with everything, this isn’t about anyone else is it? It’s always only ever about ourselves. It’s always only ever an inside job. Whenever we give our power away to anything outside of us, whether it be the perfect soulmate, the perfect job, the perfect event – you know, ‘If only I had ………then I would/could be ……..’ – we give away our aliveness. When we make someone or something else our God and imbue them with the power to make everything OK, we not only disempower ourselves but we send a strong message to the universe that we’re actually not ready to meet any person or circumstance that can honestly reflect our true brilliance. We tell the universe we can only deal with people, things and situations that reflect our smallness and don’t push us outside of our comfort zone.

What does that get us? It gets us more of the same old same old and it does indeed attract tantalisingly, delicious events, people and things into our reality that are just out of our reach. The universe is dangling a carrot for us, it’s daring us to dare to believe that we are more powerful than we dare to believe. We can have the carrot, the universe is not a mean trickster, a hustler like our small self ego, if we reach for the carrot we can have it. There’ll just be another and another and another – it’s called growth and expansion and we can’t stop it. As Melody has explained, we’re always moving forwards.

But think of it this way. Drop all ideas of finding the perfect soulmate and start back at square 1 – YOU. If you love yourself the way you want a lover to, if you talk to yourself the way you wish a lover would, if you make yourself the absolute pinnacle of your loving attention like you dream a lover would, spend time with yourself, treat yourself like a Goddess, respect yourself, be kind and gentle and tender with yourself, seat yourself firmly on the throne of your life with no intention of abdicating or sharing it with anyone whatsoever (everyone has their own throne and no one has any business being on anyone else’s whether they’re invited or not). Imagine then, the soulmate you would attract! When you’re loving yourself and treating yourself in this way, just think how high a vibrational match would have to be!

In my experience, we are all so ready to sell ourselves short and give other people and things the power to make us happy. Well, how’s that working out for you? There are no auspicious people, dates, places, events – it’s all here, now, right where you’re standing. It’s all about YOU.

Inside job :]

Karin March 27, 2013 at 12:20

“seat yourself firmly on the throne of your life with no intention of abdicating or sharing it with anyone whatsoever”

I loved this, really resonated with it! I just spent a few years trying to make peace with being single while hating it. Then I did manage to make some peace with it and attracted a relationship that didn’t last very long. I’m glad I manifested that short relationship though, because now I feel REALLY good about being single. After it ended, I was sad for a while, but now I feel like I’m ready to be “firmly seated on the throne of my life”.

Nice one, Dawnstar :)

Liz September 28, 2013 at 14:55

Karin! Great inspiration for us, thanx!!!

lili March 27, 2013 at 16:50

Holy cow! I imagine you are adored by your husband…

lili March 27, 2013 at 16:51

(The above was a reply for DawnStar)

DawnStar March 28, 2013 at 22:17

Yes, yes I am lili :] But I don’t depend on his adoration. I am happy regardless of whether he is or not. Something his male ego took a little while to accept. ‘What do you mean you don’t need me! What do you mean I have no influence over you! I thought you loved me!!!!’

:]]

Thanks for the positive comments everyone :]

Eve March 27, 2013 at 19:04

That is beautifullly put. Thank you.

nay March 28, 2013 at 00:26

That’s fantastic, DawnStar! :* Will be doing this for myself today!

Gauri April 13, 2013 at 09:40

Hey, this is 100% true. Without knowing this work, I used to see myself as a Goddess in ancient mythologies and I attracted people and lovers who saw me this way. And look, I come from an exceedingly chauvinistic society where women are expected generally to slave and sacrifice. I saw several times, multiple times, when I treated men badly (because they liked me too much to the point of annoying me), they treated me amazingly back. And the women in my office were jealous and complained of partiality towards me. My boss and management who used to be task-masters to others used to adore and pamper me even when I deliberately didn’t do some work they wanted me to do. My boss used to lovingly tell others, “she will only do what she likes” – and these are far out things considering the ultra conservative male chauvinistic society and community I hail from, where women who sacrifice are ‘virtuous’. Until I met Melody, I didn’t know what was happening in my life. I thought the God I worshipped with ardor had smiled on me and He was working overtime to make life easy for me. Only Melody taught me that God was me, myself. :0

Much Love.

Carole Remy March 27, 2013 at 00:28

Wonderful post, Melody, and interesting comments! Thanks to you all!

A tiny example of this happened to me just two days ago. A man I like very much was going come to my house to bring me a book. He didn’t make it, and my first reaction was, well, I guess I’m not ready. It left me feeling oddly contented, and not at all rejected. When we live with the concept of vibrations, it takes the hurt out of relationships. So comforting!

Thanks for the reminder to focus on the qualities I like in this man, so even more of that energy will come into my life. I know with total certainty that if I were really ready for a relationship, I’d meet or recognize the right man in a heartbeat. Knowing that it’s me that’s not a match yet gives me all the power, and that feels great!

Hugs,

Carole
Carole Remy invites you to read..Thankful Tuesday! Bloggers, Family, and Friends!My Profile

Ayla March 27, 2013 at 00:48

WOW, DawnStar, I love the way you explained that and fleshed out even more what Melody was saying. That is right on! I spent years going from one relationship to another and in every one, I had compromised myself to the point that I didn’t know who I was anymore. After my divorce, I was pretty much done. I really had no desire to find the perfect man or even date. Instead, I began the journey back to myself: I took care of myself and discovered things I liked to do; music I liked to listen to; people I liked to be with. I reveled in it. And I was happier than I’d ever been in my whole life. I realized that I didn’t need anyone to complete me; I already was all I needed. How empowering this discovery is! If a person can truly delve into this and take the time needed for it to become habit and then completely natural (caring for yourself and your own needs and wants) then, when someone comes into your life, you can be with them because you want to, not because you think you need to. And believe me: when you get to this place with yourself that you are truly happy, you will send out a vibe and an energy that is irresistible. At that point you are in the driver’s seat; you can decide if you want or even need a man (or woman) in your life as a mate. You might find you’re happy just fine on your own and opt not to at all–and that’s certainly fine too. Many go through life with this limited mindset that’s sort of been imposed on us since the beginning of time that we *have* to find a mate. But do we? It’s not the be-all end-all, after all…

lili March 27, 2013 at 17:11

oh I don’t know Ayla… the “don’t need to find a mate” thing…

Wouldn’t that be a gross designer flaw from nature? Why on earth would she design two different kinds (man and woman) in order to secure our existence? Why not creating us self reproducing? Why creating feelings of love of different variety from mother/friend/pet/sunrise love?

Although I can understand self help gurus perpetuating the concept of “being happy without what you want”. That makes their job easy.

(and that’s no Melody thank god.)

But, if that works for you…

Liz September 28, 2013 at 15:20

I think what she means is: we could want men or woman, but whe don’t need them!

THE Emily March 27, 2013 at 05:12

Melody,

I can’t thank you enough for diving into this post, when I first read through the blog post I had no idea that it was in fact ME who asked this question!

I think people (including myself) paralyze themselves in fear that this guy, or this relationship, has to be the one. I am guilty of this on more than one occasion. Coming from a place where I feel so, so overdue for a happy, healthy relationship has hindered me from actually finding one. And it is now that I realize that my fear of being alone and feeling like my relationships have been so one-sided has actually caused my vibration to lower significantly. So again, thank you for your amazing response. I like to think the LOA has brought me to your website and it has changed my life!

Jen March 27, 2013 at 19:06

I think for a lot of women it’s, “THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE AT LOVE!” and we cling to it with such an ugly desperation that we leave claw marks as they run away. It seems like we’re fine using LOA in the other parts of our lives, but no, the Universe cannot possibly handle this relationship for me. Just know that you are not alone :)

Stella March 29, 2013 at 09:17

Emily/Melody,

“Coming from a place where I feel so, so overdue for a happy, healthy relationship has hindered me from actually finding one.”

This is totally me and SO HARD to break out from because true love is what I want the most in life (I know, I’m a hopeless romantic, lol).

I am working on letting go of the desperation :)

Liz September 28, 2013 at 15:23

Me too Stella!
Let 2013 be The End of our desperation-season….

Jen March 27, 2013 at 18:59

This was great. I feel like it pretty much summed up all the basics of LOA and it was a great reminder of my power. I’m now looking around at everything in my life, and Dora the Explorer style, singing (in my head) “I’m a match, I’m a match, I’m a match, “I’m a match.” Sometimes I forget that EVERYTHING has been manifested by me, not just my relationships issues. :)

Just call me A. March 27, 2013 at 19:47

In Greece they say men/women are like stamps, the more you spit on them, the more they stick. At least that was the word on the street at that time. I did not say it, so please don’t come after me for this.

Anyway, in this as with anything else, the more clingy and desperate one is, the worse the situation becomes. I have seen this time and again, experienced it, and have consoled many a person who finally got it that the less the basket case, so to speak, the less the entanglements and happiness it brings. So, as my motto has become from reading this fine blog, just chill, or dance, it will be okay.

Liz September 28, 2013 at 15:26

Haha, just spilled my coffee because i had to laugh so hard about this comment!
Can’t wait to share this fine greek expression with my girlfriends…!

Stella March 29, 2013 at 10:07

Hi Melody,

I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and have never commented, but this post really spoke to me. In particular, I had a crazy crush which actually was mutual. It was one of those intoxicating attractions that you thought just HAD to go somewhere, especially since the man in question was so smart, so articulate, such a physical match… but it didn’t. Gosh… long story short, he introduced himself to me after about a month of eyeballing each other (perfectly, I might add… I’ve had other women gasp and swoon when I tell them how beautifully he approached me), however I was 3 weeks away from a 2 month trip overseas. When I came back, things picked up where they left off… seemingly. We talked all the time about each of our lives from the moment he introduced himself, however… it turns out he was/is married.

I was SO UPSET when he “mentioned” it, 4 months after that initial introduction. Here I am wondering why he’s dragging his feet in asking me out and it turns out he’s married, wtf. We have made peace since then and keep a respectful distance from one another, I have gathered that he was separated, but at the time he told me, they were making a firm recommitment to one another. He still looks at me with puppy dog eyesI am often left wondering how and why I manifested that painful experience?

I also did a similar thing on my trip, I “manifested” an amazing man, however he lives in Italy. I realize I keep manifesting these perfect specimens that are always somehow fundamentally out of reach. I am working on it. I feel like I have had an a-ha! moment in realising that I am in fact, a vibrational match for every single thing manifested into my reality now and in the past. It’s staggering to think about.

Liz September 28, 2013 at 15:30

Stella,

Hopefully this quote will send youin the right direction:
” if you marry a man who cheat on his wife, you will marry a man who cheat on his wife”.

naci October 16, 2013 at 13:46

Hi Stella,

So, have you been able to figure out why this is happening to you? I would love to hear your thoughts about it coz this is exactly what has been going on in my life for the last two years: supposedly-perfect-yet-absolutely-out-of-reach guys. I have no idea why on the earth I did attract those three unbelievably sweet yet married or in-a-committed relationship-with-a-kid guys in a row into my life. I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me. Any inside would be very much appreciated, really.

Alexis Marlons March 29, 2013 at 17:16

In this life, I believe that there is someone out there that is meant for us. Someone who we love and can love us back. We just have to be open with the possibilities coming our way.

Ashley May 8, 2013 at 07:14

I have been going through something almost identical to this for quite some time now. This has helped me make some sense out of everything that is going on with my situation. I have a lot of fine tuning to do, as I was fixated on the idea of this one person being my soulmate, I believe I knocked myself out of alignment even more than before because things started going way downhill in the romance department. I have a lot of work to do, but I’m glad I came upon this posts. It has helped me make some decisions. Thank you loads.

SweetDecember72 July 19, 2013 at 20:55

I have a question: what if I know he is my soulmate, but we cannot be together because of family issues? I was dating this gentleman for a year and we broke up because his daughters begged him to go back with their Mom. He told me he did not expect this and he did not want to let down once again the girls (they blame him for the divorce and they have told him several times to not see any one else to the point they stop talking to him for weeks). I let him go, no questions, no crying, no cursing… But something inside me tells me this is not over. Yes, I am living my life as always (gym, work, dinner with friends) and for a strange reason I haven’t cried or feel desperation. I decided to start LOA to attract him back and I don’t feel desperate or anxious about the ending result. I am kind of lost!!

Samir September 4, 2013 at 04:18

This was such an excellent post, it really resonated with me!

Chery September 10, 2013 at 15:21

Hi Melody,
When you become a vibrational match for what you want, does it happen right then, BOOM? Or do you have the knowing feeling “It’s on the way?”

louis October 3, 2013 at 09:39

Hi
very informative!
i am currently sitting in the situation where my girlfriend of 3.5 years wants me to decide if i want her or not, so she can stay or walk away. i am hesitant in making that decision as i feel she might be my future partner, and feeling that i would lose all that she does for me and what she is to me.
she is a very dear soul and she really does whatever she can to make me happy, i just feel detached from emotion when it comes to her.
she at first, forced me to say “i love you” in return to her saying it to me.

I have felt for a while now that i did not want a relationship, i have also felt asphyxiated, and have been justifying my feeling by rationale such as , the fact that she is a low income earner and will not be able to improve my lifestyle should we hook up permanently, and the fact that she does not match what i envisioned the girl of my dreams to look like.

i am a virgo, so i constantly try to find rationale and logical reasons for what i am experiencing. something does not feel right, yet i am afraid to lose her for what she is to me and can potentially become for me.

as stated, i feel detached from emotion, if someone had to ask me if i loved her, i would say i care deeply for her but i have always said i dont know what love feels like so dont know if what i am feeling is possibly love or not.

i care for her, and dont want to hurt her, yet i am strangely “Dead”

i dont want to tell her that we should break up, as i know what i stand to lose.
i also know that she is so passionately convinced i am the one she wants and i am all that she wants, i dont want to hurt her.
as it is she is already distraught over the idea of us breaking up

please give me some guidance on how to deal with this, and how to determine if i am maybe not seeing important aspects indicating that i really am supposed to be with her, or that i really am not supposed to be with her.

it is important to note that in the time we have been together, she has been in and out of mental clinics, eventually being diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, for which she is being treated successfully now.

the purpose for saying this is that with all this during our relationship, at one time, due to it being impossible for me to handle her with the bipolar manic lows, i told her to move out and she interpreted it that i didnt want her and she crashed and ended up in the clinic.
when she returned a month or so later i could not stand being away from her and looked her up, against her instructions.

she wanted nothing to do with me and i crashed, i was very distraught over that.
it took me months of fiighting to get her back.

then she once again ended up in clinic, and i realized that she was unstable and probably was a bad choice for a long term partner.

she returned from the clinic and we met up.
the romance started again and she started loving me as much as i did intially
i fear though that when i crashed, something inside me died, and i am therefore not the same person today that i was then.

we used to just lie together, holding one another for hours, that was enough.
i cant remember when last i have done that.

infact, now, when she gives me any form of grief, such as confrontation or a fight of sorts, i tend to leave her at her place and go to my place and not speak to her for days

i feel safe and content doing that.

is that some sort of indication that the universe is trying to show me i should be away from her?

see, i have many concerns, all of which move in a rhetorical motion.

please help me make sense of it all

a decision needs to be made…

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