Awesome John asks: “I’m really starting to think that this whole LOA thing is nothing but a whole lot of crap – we are told on one hand that like attracts like and then on the other hand we are told that opposites attract, how the hell can the two be true? You can’t have it both ways, or can you? Is there something we aren’t being told, or do we just continue through life with our brains being frazzled by conflicting statements?
As an example: I am a very romantic person who is looking for love. I have so much it oozes out of me and I think about it all the time (because we are told what you think about the most you will attract), but now I’m told because I want it, I can’t have it, but if I didn’t want it, I could have it – now this type of statement completely blows my mind. If I don’t want it then I can have it, but if I do want it I can’t have it; bloody hell talk about brain torture !!
Am I missing the plot, or am I just one of the many millions of confused beings looking for something I can’t have unless I don’t want it??”
Dear Awesome John,
Fret not, my dahling. You haven’t lost the plot, you’ve just got a few things, well, twisty. And I’m certain you’re not alone, so I’m more than happy to serve as a de-twister of ideas, an unbuncher of panties, if you will, and bring some clarity into your world. So, make yourself a cup of tea (add a shot of whiskey if needed), wrap yourself in a cozy blankie, and let Auntie Mel make it all better, ok?
Let’s go through your statements one by one and unravel the ones that are causing all that trouble.
“Like attracts like”
This is the basis of the Law of Attraction. If you emanate a certain frequency, the Law of Attraction will bring you more “stuff” (ideas, thoughts, physical manifestations and yes, people) that matches that frequency. Go on and put a big old checkmark next to this one. It’s a keeper.
Other than being the title of a snazzy song by Paula Abdul, there’s no truth to this at all. Sure, sure, you’ve heard it all your life, right along with a whole bunch of other BS statements that have been messing with your mind. Opposites don’t attract. It can sometimes seem like people who are quite different have attracted each other, but that doesn’t mean that they’re together because of their differences. This belief was created because someone observed people who were seemingly (emphasis on “seemingly”, since you can’t really see into other people’s vibrations) so different from each other that one might call them opposite, and incorrectly surmised that this is what must have brought them together. That’s a bit like saying that cereal exerts magnetic qualities over milk, since the two are so frequently seen together. This one gets a big old X, for X-tra bullshitty.
“You have to think about what you want all the time in order to get it”
You DO NOT have to think about what you want all the time in order to get it. In fact, you don’t have to think about it at all. You just can’t contradict what you want. The only reason I recommend visualizing what you want, EVER, is in order to help you attune to the frequency of what you want. Visualization is a tool; it merely serves to help us ferret out resistance (that stuff you’re doing to contradict what you want) and release it. If you can’t visualize what you want in a way that feels really good, you’ve got resistance. And, because it’s nearly impossible NOT to think about something you want, every time you do, you’re inadvertently thinking about it in a way that keeps it from happening. Visualizing helps us to fix that. But what you want doesn’t come to you because you thought about it enough! It comes to you because you finally let it in!
I suggest you read these posts:
- How to Visualize – The Secret to What Visualization Really Is
- Dear LOA: How Specific Should I Get In My Visualizations?
“You can only have what you don’t want”
Ah yes, an oldie but NOT a goodie. This total, blatant misconception about LOA has been floating around for ages, and no matter how often I explain it, it Just. Won’t. Freaking. Die. Let me take another whack at it.
You can have what you want. You can have anything you want. You don’t have to stop wanting it; in fact, that’s not possible. Once you want it, you want it. Period. Trying NOT to want it is just painful and serves no purpose whatsoever. Not only can you have what you want, you can have precisely what you want, and you don’t have to sacrifice anything in order to get it (another BS belief; just thought I’d throw in that extra bit of clarification for good measure).
So, why do people keep thinking that LOA teaches that in order to get what you want you have to stop wanting it? Because of the usually totally misunderstood concept of detachment. The easiest way to understand detachment is this: You can have what you want, but you can’t have what you NEED. If you need to get something in order to be happy, you cannot attract it. Because you’re vibrating: “I’m not happy NOW. I will be happy when I get this thing, but I’m not happy NOW.” And since the Universe can only respond to your NOW vibration, it has to keep mirroring back to you how you’re not happy NOW. You can’t get something that will make you happy if you’re not already happy.
Read these blog posts:
- Jagger Was Wrong: You Can Always Get What You Want. But You’ll Never Get What You Need
- Dear LOA: What Exactly Do We Have To “Let Go” Of, And Why?
Be happy anyway
But, how can you be happy if you don’t yet have that thing you so desperately want? Be happy anyway. Find other things in your life that already feel like happiness and focus on them. The Universe doesn’t know or care what it is you’ve focused upon in your reality that’s evoking that feeling from you. Hell, you can even just imagine it, if necessary. But, once you find that feeling, you are vibrating “I’m happy NOW”, which the Universe has to mirror back to you. So, loads of things that match the feeling of happiness come flooding into your reality.
You don’t have to stop wanting love. That’s a losing battle anyway, and if you’ve been trying to do that, it would explain why you’re so frustrated. But if you keep looking for love because you think it will change your life, because it will finally bring light into the dark corners of your reality and take you from lonely unhappiness to coupled up joy, you will have a long wait ahead of you.
My advice to you
My advice to you would be to appreciate love wherever you see it. Pay attention to how examples of love feel to you. When you see a young couple in l’amour, for example, does it make you rejoice in the beauty of love, or does it make you more aware of the fact that you don’t currently have a honey of your own? If it’s the second, you’ve just found resistance. This means that as you focused on love all day long, you’ve actually been vibrating “I’m not in love, damn it!” Well, do you see how that’s not going to work?
If you want to be in love, be in love. You don’t need another person in your life in order to feel love. You can love nature, beauty, experiences, everyone you see, life itself and yes, yourself. Is it easier to be in love when someone awesome and lovable comes into your life? Well yes, of course it is. But honestly, thinking that you can’t feel that way without this crutch is just lazy.
Stay the course
When you get into the vibration of love, you’ll attract more of it into your life. This may start off as examples of other people in love. This is generally where most people lose the plot; they see these examples of love and wonder where the hell their own, personal love monkey is. They become acutely aware of the fact that they’re still single, instead of seeing these examples of love for what they are: signs that they’ve been doing it right. These are manifestations that match the way they’ve been feeling – manifestations that will get bigger and better (like, actual women coming into your life) if that frequency is held.
You could also back off and choose something else to focus on, something that already feels really good and will make it easy for you to feel good. Then, when thoughts of love and the lack thereof come up, just dismiss them and say to yourself: “She’s on her way. I’m not sure when or where she’ll come from, but she’s on her way. And the better I feel, the closer she’ll be, so I’m going to concentrate on feeling good, period.”
It’s good to want things. We humans are designed to want things. And, we’re designed to get them (which is why it feels so awful when we don’t). Misconceptions, false beliefs and bullshit observations have found their way into our “common knowledge”, and have been, quite frankly, messing up our manifestations for way too long. It’s time to stop that crap already and get everything that’s coming to us. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be in love, we deserve to feel secure, free, carefree, playful, bouncy, worthy, giddy, and anything else we want to feel. And it’s really not nearly as hard as we keep making it. Honestly, if you could just find something that makes you happy already and focus all your attention on that, it wouldn’t take long at all for everything you’ve ever wanted to swoop right into your reality. All of the other techniques I offer here are only there because most people refuse to just do that and insist on being more involved in the process. And, because everyone can have what they want, they can even have that.
I hope this explanation has soothed your frazzled nerves (that, or the whiskey), and has restored your faith in LOA, or at least in the possibility that it’s not all a bunch of crap. Feel good, John. It really is as simple as that.