Quick LOA Questions Volume 16 – Visualization

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by Melody Fletcher on February 24, 2013

 

Coaching Call #037 is out today. The topic of today’s call is: Learning To Set Boundaries With Men.

This client felt unable to set boundaries with people and especially men after having gotten out of particularly nasty relationship. We covered a lot of ground on this very emotional call, including setting boundaries in general, saying no to sex when you don’t feel ready, some major differences between nice guys and douchebags (which should be obvious to us but sadly often aren’t due to a fear of being seen as a bitch) and giving ourselves permission to honor how we truly feel.

See the full call summary here.

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I’ve addressed the process of visualizing several times in the past, but it seems that this is one subject that just can’t be covered enough. If you’d like to get a better overall understanding of what visualization is and how to use it most effectively, check out these past posts:

Her brain keeps screaming “This is a Lie!!!”

Awesome Cheryl asks: “I’ve been practicing this for years, and one of my biggest problems is visualization. Everyone says that visualization is almost essential to manifestation, but my big issue is “suspension of disbelief” – in other words, I can’t pretend something is true without my brain screaming “THIS IS A LIE!” at me. This extends to all parts of my life (I can’t even enjoy sci-fi or fantasy movies.) It is ingrained and I can’t change it.

Someone suggested that I use the theory of alternate planes/universes/realities to circumvent this problem. This makes some sense to me – rather than pretending that I am a sexy billionaire philanthropist in my current reality, where I live with my in-laws and still have all my baby weight. Instead, I access alternate realities where different choices and circumstances have already made those things true.

Do you have any advice for using this method? Is it wise, or will I run into another trap (“this is true for other realities, but not this one” etc.)?”

Hey Awesome Cheryl,

I covered the alternative reality theory in my post on Schroedinger’s Cat. Of course you can practice the idea that you can jump into a different reality any time you like. But, I suspect that you, personally, will run into a bit of trouble with that. If you can’t even enjoy a Sci-Fi movie, I’m guessing your mind is incredibly analytical and focused on your current reality, and just will not accept anything it doesn’t have physical evidence for.

I suggest you use a different tactic: Focus on what you want and understand that even though you, in your current state, aren’t quite there yet, you’re on your way. You’re moving towards what you want. The main point of such exercises is to take your focus off the fact that RIGHT NOW, you are not where you want to be. The more you focus on that fact, the more you keep yourself stuck right where you are. So, the goal is to get you to focus on something that feels better (and is therefore more aligned with what you want). If focusing on what you want doesn’t feel good, then you simply need to focus a little differently.

Placing your focus on the journey, on the idea of the journey, on the feeling of being on the way, is a good compromise. For example, if you want to lose weight, it may not make you feel good at all to try and think of yourself as already thin. Every time you look in the mirror, your brain screams “But you’re not thin!” Every time your clothes feel tight, your brain says “See?! You’re still fat!” But it can be easier to get into the feeling of “I’m losing weight. I’m on my way. I’m getting thinner and thinner each week…” Do you feel the difference? Your brain will have a harder time arguing with you on the fact that you’re progressing, and your focus is still off the current, unwanted reality.

Can someone steal my lover if they visualize hard enough?

Awesome Bret wants to know: “I came across your blog post about attracting a specific person.  I agree with you that we can attract a specific person (the essence of what we are looking for just like when we specify a car color we want), but unlike attracting a Black Audi A5, I can’t attract Angelina Jolie specifically, but the essence of who she is [Clarification from Melody: actually, the essence of what she represents to you. You have no idea what she’s really like].

But I am in a bit of a jam with this understanding.  Let’s say I fall in love with this particular woman and I desire her, let’s call her Jen; I understand that she can’t be mine unless she’s on the same vibration as me and if she believes what I believe [That’s not quite accurate. She has to be a match to the experience you want to have. She does not have to believe what you believe, unless that’s part of what you want and you are a match to that].

But now let’s say that I define who I am looking for without being specific about an actual woman (Jen) and I vibrate the description of who I am looking for (loving, positive, happy person). But let’s say the first few women I come across are not interested in dating as they are taken or are in a committed relationship, but are a match on some things.  And that must mean that there is a match somewhere.  Now let’s say I met someone who is taken but I really loved her, let’s call her Apri; can I still do affirmations and set the belief that I will have April?

I am asking this because I am scared somebody would do this to somebody I am in love with so sort of want to get clarity on this so I can stop worrying about it as worry is not a good thing with the LOA. 

Am I worrying too much about this?”

Dear Awesome Bret,

Yes, you are worrying WAY too much about this. Let me clarify a few things:

Do you want to fall in love with an unavailable woman? I’m guessing, not really. So, her being available is ultimately part of what you want, right? The only reason you’d attract someone almost perfect but not available to you (married, in a relationship, in a different geographic area), would be because you’re not quite yet a match to what you want. The unavailability of them allows you to get part of the experience, but not the whole enchilada. They’re in your reality and yet just out of reach.

Second, just because you’re in love with her, doesn’t mean she’ll instantly fall in love with you. Unrequited love is another barrier that can show that you’re not ready. Now, what if you lined up with what you really want fully (by focusing on what you want, not a specific person)? Would Unavailable April become available? Possibly. If she was in a relationship that didn’t quite match what she wanted either, and meeting you allowed her to recognize that and grow into what she truly wanted, then yes, she could become available.

If, however, April was happily ensconced in her relationship and she and her guy were a match to what each of them truly wanted, you’d barley be a blip on her radar. She would be significant to you, but you would not be as significant to her (or not in the same way). You might even help her grow and fine tune what she wanted, but it would be far more likely that it would bring her closer to who she’s already with than you, the new guy. In other words, if April wasn’t a total match to what you wanted, she may well only be there to show you that you’ve still got some work to do, NOT because she’s “the One”.

Whether or not someone can be “stolen” away has to do with how happy they currently are. Whether or not someone can be “stolen” away from you, has to do with your vibration. If you are constantly worried that your partner could leave you or be enticed away, then you’re insecure about your relationship and almost certainly yourself, in general. If that fear is so strong that it will manifest, then no one needs to steal her away. She’ll leave one way or another. This would be due to the fact that you would no longer be a match to what you want, though, and not because someone else visualized her away from you.

No one can steal someone or something away from you. Things and people move into and out of your reality due ONLY to your vibration, what’s a match to it and what’s not. The other person, who may appear to be taking the object of your desire away is only the method by which that something will leave your reality.

So, you know, chill out a bit. No one can steal your love away from you. But you can stop being a match to her and how it feels to be around her by worrying about her being stolen (and not giving her the credit that she’s her own person with a say in all this, instead of some mindless robot who can be enticed away from what she wants by the siren call of someone else’s vibration…).

How to handle doubts that come up during visualization

Awesome Donna asks: “If your intuition is telling you strongly that something you want is definitely the right thing for you, how do you stop the nasty little doubts that still creep in? In my case, it’s a man. I visualize the future and try to weed out the negativity. Sometimes I feel such a rush of certainty that things will work out, it’s scary in its intensity. However the highs I feel make the low moments very low indeed. I have other concerns and manage to keep a very positive view in how they will turn out, even with a bank balance of virtually zero. I know I won’t starve and one day I’ll be rich, ha! But how do I keep an even keel with the love thing?!”

Dear Awesome Donna,

Visualization is a great tool to help you line up with what you want. When doubts come up during a fantasy session, it’s a good thing – you now have the opportunity to shift the offending thought by finding a better feeling perspective. I went through this process in great detail in this post (check out the table).

So, let’s say that you’re visualizing being with this man. It feels mostly good. But then, you realize that you have this assumption that it’s not going to work out quite the way you want. Perhaps you see him pulling away, becoming distant, etc. Well, now you’ve got some work to do.

First, figure out what you really want. You’re after a feeling, ALWAYS, so look for the core feeling you want. I’m guessing you want to feel secure, safe and loved. So, if you see him pulling away, it makes you feel insecure, unsafe and rejected. While you want safety, you have a fear, an assumption, that you won’t get it.

Second, change the visualization until it feels more like security and safety, but in a way that makes sense to you. So, you might try seeing him telling you that he’ll never leave you. But, that might not feel realistic. Plus, your brain may argue that he could be lying and how would you know? So, you could try going way into the future, and seeing the two of you having grown old together, wrinkly and happy and looking back on your lives. The worries of the past are irrelevant. Is it easier to feel safe and secure now?

Basically, you’ll want to figure out what your doubts are causing you to want to feel and then change the visualization through trial and error until you’re able to achieve a better feeling. Try taking the visualization into to the future (it creates distance and will often trigger less resistance). Change the man in your visualization to a generic one. Visualize safety and security in a way that has nothing to do with romance – just go for the feeling in general (feeling the love and support of the Universe flow through you, seeing yourself as a small child being held and protected, imagining yourself in a bubble of white, protective light, can all be ways to achieve this feeling. Or not). Only you can know if a particular visualization is working for you. If it isn’t, change it until it does.

 

{ 16 comments }

B February 24, 2013 at 15:32

This is a very helpful little post, Melody :)

I’ve been through a situation slightly like Awesome Bret’s one up there; it was during my school years, but for the most part forgot about the situation, until recently I sent out a letter to the Universe about a partner. I’ve also tried to find the Prong 1 of my relationship status and weight issues, and come to the conclusion that it is probably something to do with the fact that I never really had a relationship (and really wanted to find someone) but (Prong 2) became critical of the relationships of my friends at the time (since we were all so young and stupid lol). But now, with my sister having a baby (a woman who never wanted a baby lol) I do feel a lot more desire to have someone in my life.

Since then, I have been having thoughts of the guy from school (who was a great friend at the time, and basically got together with my best friend and there was a big fight and a lot of feelings were hurt, since then I haven’t felt anything for him, didn’t hate or anything, but I just knew I didn’t want to see any of them again). I worry that the thoughts of him will bring him into my life again, and all I want is to lose the weight, make new friends and acquaintances and find someone more suited to me. I can’t seem to shake the feelings, even though meditation. I really need some assurance on this.

Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:42

Hey B,

Rather than fight the feelings or memories, why not explore them? Something about this guy and your past experience of him is a match to you now and it’s trying to get your attention. It doesn’t mean this particular guy will come back into your life. But you can certainly use the memory to figure out what you really want and what you don’t want. Use him as a representation. If he’s not the one you want, he won’t show up in your reality. Remember, the Universe knows what you want and isn’t trying to trick you… :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Carole Remy February 24, 2013 at 16:47

Interesting post, Melody!

This post is full of good tips on getting to a comfortable visualization of support and abundance. I love the idea of visualizing an abundant future, and leaving the details to the Law of Attraction. I’ve been focusing on the positives of now, but as the questioners mention, little doubts creep in. Moving the visualization out of the present into the future is a great idea!

Thanks! Many huge hugs,

Carole
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Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:43

Hey Carole,

That’s a little technique I discovered and have had huge success with. You just don’t trigger the resistance the same way… Just don’t go so far into the future that it becomes unreal. That is one danger…

Huge hugs!!

Melody
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nay February 25, 2013 at 05:42

Thanks Mel, another beaut post!
Just have to share with someone, so happy I might burst he he
I mentioned on Friday that I shifted a heap of negative energy, well, my physical energy since then has been through the roof, enabling me to declutter, which no doubt is shifting more energy :D
Just had some wonderfully fantastic, just-in-time news: manifestation of my higher vibe! Loooove this!

Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:44

YAY NAY!!!

keep up the great vibes and thanks for sharing them here!!!

Huge hugs,

Melody
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tony February 25, 2013 at 14:01

I find the story of that miserable cat of Schroedinger too sophisticated for my taste.
I think I have to get two ph.D first, in order to make sense of a paragraph.. I find this lack of “knowledge”…disturbing…

“Can someone steal my lover if they visualize hard enough?”
It depends on how hard they try. If they get a migraine, beware!

Now seriously. Trying to apply what Melody teaches without having cleared (or at least come to terms with) our fear of failure is similar to an obese old man trying to train with the navy seals. No offense Melody.

I understand that this comment could be considered a little negative, so a joke might compensate for this negativity: :)
-Hi, My name is Joe and I’m an alcoholic
-Thank you for sharing Joe, let’s drink to that

Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:46

LOL Tony,

Perhaps applying what I teach can help one overcome the fear of failure, if done gently? I’ve seen it happen… Just saying.

Huge hugs,

Melody
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tony March 4, 2013 at 01:26

Yes, of course it can happen.
I’m just talking for people of my kind. People who are so lazy to live up to their true potential so they defeat themselves hard, so that a normal life can seem like a triumph

Nay February 26, 2013 at 05:48

Hey Melody!!!!

All of these posts point to one thing for me…DOUBTS/BUTS. If there or doubts then you need to look for another thought that feels better.

‘I try to visualize but…, I can see attracting a thing but…, I want to have a relationship but if someone else wants them bad enough…’

So for these I am learning that I have to shift it to something that feels better, that doesn’t bring up the but. Fot me this would be…

‘I am getting much better at visualizing…I am learning new ways to visualize that are working for me…I do like the idea of attracting a person for a relationship as well as attracting things, and I like that attracting things and people is making more and more sense…I know that I can have a relationship and enjoy every moment…I know that I am excited for the perfect relationship.’

It still is something that I must think about and really focus on doing as often as possible, and it is getting easier. As soon as I hear a ‘but’ in what I am thinking or visualizing or even pondering, I try to change it to something that is easier to be positive about or just change the subject completely if I can’t. If I don’t stop it, I can find myself following a well worn path of negativity that doesn’t do me any good.

What is still amazing me is that the more I do this, the easier it is to find a better feeling thought, on anything!!! It used to be much more of a struggle, and often I just had to completely change my focus to some general thing not related to the subject at all, because I couldn’t find any thought that felt better. Now, not so much!

The practicing of it has been the key for me. By looking for better thoughts and feelings, LOA is bringing them to me!!!

tony February 26, 2013 at 22:55

“I want to have a relationship but if someone else wants them bad enough…”

Hey Nay, isn’t it the same pattern with money issues? a kind of “I want to do better financially but other people might need money more than I do”.
It seems we try to find a reason why this attempt shouldn’t work.

Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:47

Perfect Nay! That’s precisely the process to use – get rid of the “yeah but’s…” by shifting them one at a time. Simple! :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Jenapher February 26, 2013 at 22:34

Hey Melody,

I think I need some clarity about when you said, “The only reason you’d attract someone almost perfect but not available to you (married, in a relationship, in a different geographic area), would be because you’re not quite yet a match to what you want.”

So, I feel like I’m on the very edge of understanding this, but I need a little push. How can I become a match to the experience of having my long-distance boyfriend in the same place as I am, because obviously I’m not quite a match to what I want, but I don’t know how to get there. Is it beliefs? Resistance? Help!

Melody Fletcher March 3, 2013 at 20:49

Hey Jenapher,

Try this: Imagine him being with you, every day. Visualize the way your life would be. Do you feel any tension as you do this, at all? Is there anything that comes up that feels just a big off? Does any of it go negative (like seeing an argument, or him doing something you don’t like, or you doing something he doesn’t like?) You can go fishing for resistance this way and feel your way through it. It can bring up a lot of clues. :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Stephanie April 1, 2013 at 16:54

If I always wanted a man who I could have a long term loving relationship with and a man who would never cheat on me, then does this mean that the man I attract is looking for the same thing as me? I read in awesome brets post how he has to be looking for the same experince as me, so does this mean I would only line up with men who were also looking for a long term relationship, and a faithful girl. So in other words, we couldnt align if he wanted a two three year relationship or had intentions of cheating? Also I know that you receive what you believe, so continuously worrying about your boyfriend stop loving you is bad. So if we recieve what we believe, can I believe that we will always have a wonderful loving relationship, and doing so keep our relationship going and our love alive?

Joyce May 2, 2013 at 15:33

Hello Melody,

I’ve been reading your blog since two or three weeks I’ve been interested in the LOA since the end of 2012 I read the books of Esther and Jerry Hicks, I’ve been watching videos on Youtube and some of them are yours. Now every time I read things related to the LOA it’s like my whole body vibrates I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like I’ve found something that I was looking for so long. I was so obsessed by it that I dreamt about the LOA, it happened twice.

But I have a problem, I know how to visualize and imagine I do this every time I create stories -that one day I know will be books- and I see everything, the characters, the dialogs, the sky, the sun, the trees it is so easy for me to do it that I created myself an alter ego. This alter ego has everything I want, she’s beautiful, she has friends she can count on, she has brothers, she has a mother that loves her, she’s rich, she’s loved by everyone, and now she has found her future husband and oh! She has a job she adores, she’s a singer, songwrittress and she is very very successful.

My problem is that I don’t understand why I can create an alter ego so easily but when it comes to my life I can’t do it. I can’t focus enough to do it but I did it once! I visualized myself being at a concert and making the most powerful eye contact ever with my favourite guitar player and guess what, it happened. It lasted maybe ten seconds but he was only seeing me, I was the only one in this crowd of crazy teenager girls, I wish I was in heaven during that moment but I was so shocked I forgot everything -I hoped for such a long time that he had never forgotten this moment but that’s something else.

When I was visualizing this moment I was playing it, acting it and I was so happy about it, so confident, I knew it was going to happen but today I have a crappy job and when I get paid more than 160 euros I am really happy, I’m overweight, I want to get closer to God, I’m not really healthy and single. I don’t know what’s wrong with me when my biggest strength is Visualization, I’m way to much impatient too, I’ve been using affirmations for one week and then I stopped. I filled myself with good positive thoughts for one week and now nothing I just stopped like that.

Still there is something inside of me, it’s very little though, that the man I want is there waiting for me to vibrate at his level or that the job I want is out there waiting for me but the rest of the time I am so negative, putting me down. I’m reading one of Shakti Gawain’s book and that’s the same my soul is just vibrating to what I read but when it comes to apply it I can’t, why?

I already want to thank you for your amazing blog and your videos, and I am sorry for this long and messy comment and my English I’m not an English native speaker so… Thank you again,

Joyce

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