Why Does Pregnancy And Motherhood Have to Be So Hard?

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by Melody Fletcher on December 23, 2012

 

Coaching Call #028 is out today! Today’s topic is: She Wants To Fix Her Idiot Boss.

This client just started a new job but already see the pattern that was present in her old job developing: She doesn’t respect her boss and has issues with the way he treats people. At the heart of this is that she doesn’t really know how to set limits and isn’t sure that she’s allowed to. This call will benefit anyone who’s currently working in a company and wants to know how to enjoy their job more, make a positive contribution to the environment, and truly shine. Check out the summary here. (Please note that you do not have to be a member of the monthly subscription program to access the call. All calls are available for purchase separately).

 

[Quick Note: I am currently on vacation, wallowing in the gorgeous surroundings of an Austrian Spa. I do this at the end of every year. I not only recharge my batteries, but I also always end up coming back with tons of insights and ideas, which I then share on the blog. So really, I'm doing this for you. You're welcome.

But not to worry, by pretties, I won't leave you hanging while I'm away. I've written up a series of short blog posts to tie you over. Those of you who like short posts are going to love me for the next couple of weeks. Those of you who long for 3.000 behemoth posts, there are always the Archives.  The Deliberate Receiving Blog will return to normal, wordy service on January 6th.]

The lovely Kat asks: “I understand and see that motherhood does make one stronger and truly happy, as I’ve been told. Also, pregnancy for some women is the healthiest they have ever been – allergies go away and they actually feel great and lose weight! It’s different for every woman and I’m sure it is vibrational as well. Can one still have a great pregnancy and motherhood even if one has concerns about juggling it all?  Can motherhood make a woman a bitch or release her inner bitch?  I have seen women become monsters, believe it or not, after they have kids. Maybe they show their true self?”

Dear lovely Kat,

First of all, it’s ALL vibrational, not also vibrational. I forgive you for this little slip up, but I know you know better, so I have to point it out. It’s my pleasurable duty. ;)

And now, to your question(s):

The processes of getting pregnant, being pregnant and giving birth contain a great deal of preparation for what’s to come – the actual raising of that newly transitioned powerful creator. Why do some women have such an easy time while others struggle so much? Why do some women get pregnant at the drop of a hat, while others struggle with IVF? Why do some have super easy pregnancies, while others seem to just breeze through it? And if it’s all vibration, why don’t all women who meditate have easy pregnancies?

We’re not all the same

There’s one big false belief in there that I’d like to address right away: We’re not all the same. Vibration and the relationships between our human selves and Who We Really Are is a very individual thing. Therefore, what we experience is a very individual thing. The resistance that we manifest is always perfect for us, and can’t be applied across the board to everyone else. So, if you have two women who have high vibrations (meaning they are both happy), they will not necessarily both have the same kind of pregnancy. This is because each of them has her own vibration, her own desires, her own resistance and is preparing for her own parenting experience. None of the variables (except that they’re both pregnant) are the same, and so there can be no expectation that the outcome will be the same. Not that we don’t all try…

What makes a woman have a difficult pregnancy?

Women who have difficult pregnancies have resistance. Since everyone has resistance (thoughts that contradict what we want), this doesn’t help much. The way in which the pregnancy is playing out will contain a lot of clues as to what that resistance is. We have to pay attention to how the “symptoms” feel.

Pregnancy and birth can trigger a lot of fears that you didn’t know were there before. Suddenly, your worries about how you might raise the child, if it’ll get kidnapped, how you’ll force it to eat its veggies, how you’ll tackle the broken school system and not let them squash your child’s free spirit, etc., all come rushing to the surface. Focusing on these fears, which contradict the strong desire for a healthy, happy baby, as well as the strong knowledge and desire of the baby itself, will wreak havoc on your manifestations. That’s one hell of a contradiction!

Control freaks, listen up!

One belief that seems to have come up for pretty much every pregnant or trying to get pregnant woman I’ve ever come across, is the issue of control. If you’re a control freak, you’re going to have a harder time than if you’re able to let go. Why is this so? Because that powerful creator you’re going to squeezing out of your lady parts is pretty damn determined not to be controlled. The better you get at letting go of the need to control anything and anyone, and just focusing on your own emotional guidance, the less difficult both the pregnancy and the parenting will be.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t care. Of course you’ll care. But if you realize that the baby has its own timing (you can’t force it to be born on your schedule), its own guidance system (children are not stupid little humans. They have incredible intuition and remember Who They Are much more than adults do) and its own desires (that are not necessarily the desires you want them to have), and you can be ok with all of that, you’ll have a much easier time. There are, of course, an infinite number of other beliefs that come into play, but that one seems to be present in just about everyone.

What makes a woman have an easy pregnancy?

The mere focus on the new life within them, puts many women into such a high vibration that all fear and doubt seem to vanish. When this happens, they have a much easier time of it. Of course, it’s not usually black and white. Most women experience highs and lows, and aren’t either happy or stressed 100% of the time. But, the more generally happy you are, the easier the pregnancy will be. The more generally stressed out you are, the harder the pregnancy will be.

Neurotic parents

And the same goes for parenting. Why do some women become total neurotic bitches once they become mothers? Because all their deepest fears have suddenly been triggered. They were there all along, of course, but having that baby to look after has brought them all to the surface. The crazy bitch isn’t crazy. She’s terrified and doing her best to gain control of, well, usually everything, in order to feel safer again. Since that doesn’t work, she gets even crazier.

Bottom line, becoming self aware and seeing your emotions as the guidance system they are, caring about how you feel and deliberately doing whatever it takes to feel better, will go a long way towards creating an easy, enjoyable pregnancy. The same goes for parenting. And life, really. :)

{ 31 comments }

Kat December 23, 2012 at 14:33

Fear- it can wreak havoc on one’s life, if one lets it. That is why all masters remind us to dissipate this very powerful negative emotion and train ourselves to not live by it, as society does. Now that is self mastery!

Mel, thank you for posting! “Focusing on these fears, which contradict the strong desire for a healthy, happy baby, as well as the strong knowledge and desire of the baby itself, will wreak havoc on your manifestations. That’s one hell of a contradiction!” This is my takeaway message. I had once seen a mother throw a tantrum at a party because she had been there for hours and she wanted to leave but her children were taking too long lingering at the party. They were having fun, who can blame them? Her husband had gotten bored so he had left her there with the kids. Maybe they should have taken turns being there so that would not have happened? Knowing your limits and living by them is good and makes you more peaceful. I’m not saying you should not stretch out of your comfort zone, but forcing yourself to be at a party all afternoon that you did not want to attend in the first place can lead to crazy behavior. I knew where she was coming from, though.

And thanks for embedding the other articles throughout the post. They serve as great references! Peace to all!

Melody Fletcher December 25, 2012 at 18:30

Hey Kat,

I’m glad this was useful to you! :)

You know, there would’ve been a scenario for that mom to feel good and the kids to have a good time. The dad figured it out for himself, but the mom didn’t. Perhaps she could’ve asked a friend to watch them (a fellow mom who was having a good time at the party), so she could’ve taken an hour of me-time. Or, she could’ve decided to get into the spirit of things and enjoy herself (that is a choice). You can line up with being frustrated, or you can line up with feeling calm and happy and allowing. I’m guessing that particular mom quite often doesn’t get what she wants and has a strong vibe of resentment going… That doesn’t have to be part of being a parent. :)

Huge Christmas hugs!

Melody
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John December 23, 2012 at 16:20

Now , I’m not going to write anything about being pregnant because as you’ve said so often what ever we focus our attention on becomes our reality and there’s no damn way I want to get pregnant and put up with all that morning sickness stuff or the hormonal changes that go with it , that’s one thing ladies that are welcome to.

No I’d like to write on something different……………

“I am currently on vacation, wallowing in the gorgeous surroundings of an Austrian Spa. I do this at the end of every year”

So while us poor smucks are all wallowing away in the great materialsim con job of Christmas and have forgotten what the real meaning of it should be and are putting up with all the crazy people doing their Christmas shopping , listening to all the spoilt kids demanding “I want that one and that one and that one and yes I’ll have that one as well” , tearing our hair out trying to find parking spots , listening to all the advertising lies about buy this and you’ll feel better , you are wallowing away in a nice peaceful , gorgeous Austrian spa without us.

Well all I can say to that Miss Melody Fletcher is ……………..

From the bottom , top and centre of my Heart and every other place in between I sincerely hope and pray that you enjoy it and that you get your batteries fully charged because I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more than you , especially considering all the baggage we throw at you all year in the hope that you can somehow magically solve all the problems we have managed to collect over the many years by allowing ourselves to follow other peoples beliefs and opinions instead of what we should have been doing – following our own.

All I can add is Melody Fletcher you are one hell of a Lady , when I think of all the other things you could possibly be doing with your life yet you chosen to devote yourself to helping us get our lives back on the straight and narrow with your wisdom , well that to me takes a special person and I’m pretty sure that all your readers will agree with me when I say – “Melody Fletcher you are our Special person.”

Enjoy your well earned vacation and I look forward to catching up again in January.

KimS December 23, 2012 at 19:07

Amen to this, John. :)

from the land down under December 24, 2012 at 08:17

LOL John,
You forgot to mention the deathly Australian humidity, no money for air-con or the material traps in the first place, and …I’ve never had a massage, I crave one from the bottom of my heart, that’s what I want to Christmas, a simple massage.

:-) Entire spa sounds like magic.

I think you’d make a good mother, John, if you get knocked up, let us know. :-)

Melody Fletcher December 25, 2012 at 18:39

Wow, John. Thank you so very much for your wonderful words. I will definitely be enjoying every second (head to the spa tomorrow, am having a wonderful Christmas today and just checking in for a few minutes).

I really, really appreciate everything you wrote here. *happy dance*

Oh dear, I think it might be nap time. I think I might make that a new tradition: Christmas naps. Ha.

Huge smooshy and soon to be very groomed hugs!

Melody
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mary carol moran December 23, 2012 at 18:07

Hey Melody,

Ditto to everything John said!!

On pregnancy and babies… I had two easy schmeesy pregnancies. Zero morning sickness, no problems except some back issues from overdoing it by teaching right to the end. Then a nightmare delivery on the first child! Ha. I figured it was payback. I now realize it was my daughter asserting her will from the womb, and she’s been thankfully doing it every moment of her life since!

How beautiful for these mothers and potential mothers, and fathers too, to have the awesome benefit of understanding how the LOA works. As John says, you do an amazing and loving service for us all.

Huge hugs! Have a fantastic holiday,

Mary Carol
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Alice December 24, 2012 at 08:22

Don’t be fooled MC, I was an easy pregnancy….hahaha! What a trogan horse that was! :-)
Fair of face, innocent looking cutie, no screaming and crying, short labour, not much stress during….THEN I GREW UP AND TERROR WAS UPON THE LAND!

mary carol moran December 24, 2012 at 16:49

Hi Alice,

My ‘easy’ baby grew up awesome, and my ‘difficult’ baby (more like bewildered young mom) grew up awesome! You’re awesome too!

Hugs,

Mary Carol
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Alice December 25, 2012 at 08:06

Merry Christmas!

Tree Mass, Christmas, Birthday of Jesus, Celebration of Jesus Christ, Santa Day, Mr. Santa to you punk, X-mass, Gift Day, Yule, Winter Solslice, Barbeque day that was rained on in Sydney, Capricorn day, 25th of December and Happy un-birthday!!!
Now you know English literature you should know all about un-birthdays, we all have 364 of them.

Ta-da!

Now as for me being awesome, well….. I know, I’m quite dashing! :-)

You too Awesomesauce!

mary carol moran December 25, 2012 at 17:57

Merry Christmas, Alice! It’s my birthday too, so I get to celebrate double! And my daughters are here from around the globe – Wow! Hope you have a fabulous day, week, season, and year! Hugs, Mary Carol
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Kat December 26, 2012 at 03:15

Hey MC,

Happy b-day! You are a fellow cappy!

Alice December 26, 2012 at 09:41

Happy Birthday!

Capricorn lol the sign of the nerd, conservative and formal wearing, tongue clicking, bore fest/librarian, buttinksy, yawn.
Starsigns aren’t true, thank god! You live in Mexico, living a cool life!

I do love people that act like an Aries or Pieces. I think we should get to choose our sign.
Which sign would you choose?

Melody Fletcher December 25, 2012 at 18:40

Thanks MC!

And thanks for sharing your story. It’s important for potential mothers to hear that morning sickness is not a requirement. :)

Huge hugs! and Happy Birthday!!

Melody
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tony December 24, 2012 at 07:08

“how you’ll force it to eat its veggies”
and then we ask “why do kids hate veggies”, that’s a good question, why indeed?

anyway, why do we bother analyse this subject? The baby will be a match to its mother vibration and life will go on. Cynical but it’s the ugly truth. It will try to change, it won’t. 80% will be affected by their parent’s vibration, they will stop when they hit the roof and then struggle. A 10% will manage to escape , the other 10 is already there, rich will become richer and the poor poorer, fear will prevail and temporary quantum leaps will be cancelled by more elegant and subtle lies. Wealth will be redistributed according to the new criteria, relations will break and new will rise, Pareto will be right again.

Some individuals may manage to spare some pain, others may be successful and break this chain but they will already be the ones who were willing to put their mind in good use. The rest will stay with the hope in the very best of the circumstances.

Melody, if I buy a set of powerful speakers and emit all day long subliminal messages telling people what to do, do you believe it will work? The more difficult of them won’t crack and break after a little time? It is not ethical but it is far easier to align my energy with that.
Soon to be mothers will not take the time to take control of their thoughts or even identify where those thoughts come from anyway. So perhaps this way could force them to think happy thoughts all day and more work will be done in one month than a lifetime’s writing. Plus, the subjects will be out of the equation, no effort will be required from their part, so the work will be much easier. Their vibration is set to “life happens” mode and everybody will be happy.

Kat, are you pregnant?

Kat December 24, 2012 at 15:20

Nope. Just observing what happens. Ever since I have been practicing LOA deliberately (I once did without realizing it), I have been noticing more and have been aware of more. I had always been intuitively aware, but more consciously so now.

Tony, yes, the way you ended the comment was nice. One can escape negative circumstances, but only if one really, truly wants to. If, as a child, you rebel against everything and end up trying what you want and doing your own thing anyway, you are on the right path to break free from parental impositions and constraints. They may creep up from time to time throughout life, but with LOA, as Abe had said, you will learn to recognize the voice of your inner being and differentiate it from that of your mother. A great thing!!!! Hooray!! Just that alone indicates progress!!

Then, the question is, how to deal with parents once breaking away. They will always interfere, criticize and whatnot. The point is, not to let it penetrate your heart as you did maybe as a child. Actually, children to not give a shit, but they are affected by the vibration, as I was. However, the inner being still prevails and you end up following that anyway. That is the important thing.

Thank you, Tony for this!

tony December 25, 2012 at 01:39

Yes, they are casting a spell without even realising it. Then there is the fallacy that if I don’t live this experience with them, the way they want it, they will be disappointed (crippled by doubt or fear), our vibrations will never meet and I may lose them, which is not always correct because we can choose something else instead. Then we cast a spell at them from our expectation that they will behave again in the same way and the circle goes on. We have put a label on them too.

We have to be constantly alert, why does that has to happen and not something else?What has brought us here? What will be different? What do we choose and makes us feel better? No problem happens all the time. What do I desire to live with them and I don’t believe it can be done?

It becomes more clear if someone uses the image of the emotional scale in the “free stuff” section, how to deliberately go from the “It’s their fault” state to full control. And then use it to other topics of life as well, to raise the core vibration. To tell the truth I don’t like to interpret the the step-by-step approach in a way that implies that I have to go slowly even if the road is clear (perhaps I have misunderstood the approach), I desire quantum leaps and power, so I ingrained the process that what I see is what I see, words that explain what I see are irrelevant and so is my decision of how I feel about it (so I no more seek reasons to feel bad and I can no longer attract such things). It becomes much easier for me to detach and it gives me the ability to engage both in drama (as perceived by others and I’m curious to witness) and in joyful situations. Now I have to clear my belief that this action makes some people go crazy.

Melody Fletcher December 25, 2012 at 18:45

Hey Tony,

I have to disagree. Perhaps not ALL soon to be mothers (and others) take the time align their energy first, but many of them do. People are waking up all over the place. I see more and more and more of them.

The clarity that people get from me and this blog is a manifestation of theirs. It’s not me, forcing something into them. When people are ready to hear something, they do. I just volunteered to be a happy part of the process because I enjoy it. I’m not making anything happen. I just participate in something that will happen anyway. So, while it’s certainly sounds easier to just be able to stream something at people that will line them up with what they want with no awareness or effort or change on their part, that’s not how it works, I’m afraid. and aren’t we kind of glad it doesn’t? I don’t want to be a mindless drone who could be influenced by the vibrations of others. And many are waking up and discovering the same thing. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Kat December 24, 2012 at 16:07

Even masters need to leave their families to study/pursue this either because their families do not understand it at all and cut them off (in the “Magus of Strovolos”) or do understand, but need to let them do what they need to do. Take Jesus’ mother Mary. She understood. Instead of forcing him to go into the family business, which it is said that his father wanted, she let him further his studies and then let him be on his chosen path, while still loving him completely. Unconditional love.

Parents just need to love. That is all. That is the pre-requisite to being a parent. More hugs; no harsh words or actions.

Melody Fletcher December 25, 2012 at 18:47

Well said Kat! :)

Jenapher December 25, 2012 at 23:45

I love this! My son is 8, but this was a great allegory for life. I really do need to to loosen my need for control in my life and focus on MY emotional guidance. Letting Spirit take over sounds delightful. That’s my New Year’s resolution. :) Merry Christmas, Everyone.

Melody Fletcher December 28, 2012 at 13:41

Thanks Jenapher! Of course, you can apply these principles to any subject. That’s the beauty of LOA. It’s so consistent. :)

Huge hugs and Happy New Year!

Melody
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mopeychild December 27, 2012 at 07:30

i have a question. when do i know when i ought to sTOP pursuing a goal?

like, say i have been trying to get married/pregnant/becoming a professional artist/writin the worlds best book/ or anything for ages. when do i give up and stop trying instead of trying to be positive? when do i understand if abandoning a goal can be more beneficial for me than holding on?

Kat December 28, 2012 at 00:38

Hey Mopey,

My two cents to this one would be to back off the goal for a while and feel better about life in general. Abe talks about dreams and how we must go for them. If they burn within, then they are still alive. If not, if we are indifferent, then we never had the dream in the first place. If the dream tortures us, then it is still alive, causing us to live, giving us life, and we must keep at it. Just be easy about it and have more fun.

The movie Vanity Fair comes to mind as an example, which always helps me. Though the book, as I remember from high school, pokes fun at the aristocracy, the protagonist in the movie has certain dreams. Throughout the movie, you see each come true, though she goes through adventures, trials and tribulations, but never really stops having fun. That was what stood out for me. All the cooperative components that come to play with her each have their own fate- she does get a chance from the very beginning to marry well and inherit a fortune, but she does fall in love, has a child, all after getting an education. Her main goal was to lead the easy life with a rich guy and be part of that high society crowd, which happens in the end. The universe takes care of it all.

Melody Fletcher December 28, 2012 at 13:44

Hey Mopey,

Let’s differentiate between goals and desires. You can’t stop pursuing a desire. But you shouldn’t take action unless you’re inspired to. If you’re not being inspired ot do anything and/or are getting frustrated, take more time to line up your energy with what you want. stop trying to make things happen. Give up the action, but don’t give up the dream. That’s one of the most important life lessons anyone can learn. Don’t try to make it happen. Allow it to happen. And that’s pretty much all I talk about. :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Kat December 28, 2012 at 05:34

Here is something else on fear by Pramahansa Yogananda:

“One of the greatest enemies of will power is fear. Avoid it both in thought and in action. The life force that is flowing steadily through your nerves is squeezed out when the nerves become paralyzed by fear, and thus the body’s vitality is diminished. Fear paralyzes your will power. When fear comes, the brain discharges the message to all the organs. It paralyzes the heart, disturbs the digestive forces, and causes many other physical disturbances. You must be cautious but never afraid.”

Well, as Yoda told Luke, “you must unlearn what you have learned”. This is so awesome, yet some training is needed to reset the default mode that has been instilled in this fear-based society. It’s zany.

Melody Fletcher December 28, 2012 at 13:45

Perfect Kat!! :)

Huge hugs,

Melody

Nay January 3, 2013 at 00:15

Hey Melody,

All pregnancies differ and all children differ. But you have to embrace each one to the best of your abilitt. My pregnancy was so easy, but the little one decided he had to come 2.5 months early. Talk about a change in lifestyle! But just like any child, that one thing has had huge impacts on our lives life for the past 16 years! Some of it was hard, some of it was wonderful. But it was all new. And now I can look back and see that once I stopped seeing it as a struggle, and decided to just live day by day, the fears started to fade. Instead of wondering how many times he would stop breathing that day, we began to wonder what new things he would do.

I didn’t know it at the time, but we were doing LOA. Because if we had stayed focused on how hard and how terrified we were for his life, we would have gone crazy. We had to make the decision to stop worrying, stop stressing, stop being angry. And we did it consciously. We decided to ignore that he was ‘frail,’ and start doing everything we wanted, and our son was coming with us. It just took a little extra work getting everything ready, and paying more attention to his monitors while out and about.

But it just got easier and easier, and he just started getting better and better. There were difficult times, but in those times, so many wonderful things happened, and we made every effort to focus on those, for our sanity at the time. Now I can see that change in focus is what brought him through, and made such awesome memories for us!

Now I can also see that the experience did teach me something, that I truly needed, and still am needing to embrace!. You can’t let anything stop you in life. Instead of letting the difficulties he had slow us down, we decided to work with and around them, and make the best of it. He came, he trained, he lived!!! (And so did we!) Hmmm. Maybe I need to just keep focusing on that in the now too! He he!

Melody Fletcher January 6, 2013 at 01:24

Thanks so much for sharing Nay! It’s often our biggest moments of crisis that cause us to find our connection. It’s good to remember that sometimes. :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Fonzy Montenegro January 7, 2013 at 07:53

Nice post, Melody! Thanks for linking me here through http://www.deliberateblog.com/2013/01/06/meet-melody-fletcher-my-first-ever-video-interview/#comment-17136
I always enjoy your insights and how you communicate to us, your readers. I’m learning a lot from you. Keep it up and stay in the vortex.

Cheers,
Fonzy

P.S. Have you played with Abraham’s Emotional Grid process yet? ;)
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Melody Fletcher January 17, 2013 at 15:38

You’re welcome Fonzy. And thanks so much.

Abraham’s Emotional Grid process is another way to describe the process that underlies how the LOA works, which I deliberately work with every day. When they talked about the Vortex, they were talking about the same thing, too. It’s all about this underlying Universal process of creation. So yeah, I’ve played with it. ;)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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