Are You Too Intellectual To Be Happy?

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by Melody Fletcher on October 16, 2012


I had a rather interesting conversation in a pub the other night. A somewhat inebriated gentleman (aka drunk dude) was explaining to me how he made it a point to criticize everything in detail. He believed that it enhanced his enjoyment. After all, he preached, you could only truly enjoy something if you knew WHY you found it enjoyable and were able to explain those reasons to other people. His words made me think. I’m an intellectual, analytical person. So are most of the people I attract to this blog and into my life in general. I like to dissect ideas and beliefs. Hell, I do it for a living. And yet, I’ve come to a very different conclusion. I think what he was describing is a classic example of our minds getting in the way of our souls, with some really insidious limiting beliefs thrown in for good measure.

The core of my teaching is actually aimed at getting the mind, the analytical part of ourselves, out of the way so that the spiritual/emotional work can be done. The explanations I offer are there to appease the overanalytical mind, so that it will, for all intents and purposes, shut the hell up already and let us be happy.

So that’s what I’m going to do today: I’m going to dissect why we have such a need to dissect everything so that we can all stop dissecting stuff and just be happy. Or, if you prefer to go the quick and dirty route, you could just go and get drunk. That’ll work, too. ;)

We do not need to understand joy to experience it?

When we look at a sunset, do we need to understand why we think it’s beautiful in order to appreciate it? In my opinion, no. In fact, trying to explain it could easily take us out of the moment. True joy and appreciation is experienced in the NOW, in this moment. It’s emotional not intellectual. I can explain beauty to you, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve experienced it. The feeling is not the same as the description.

This is easier to understand with nature – the grandeur of it can quite literally leave us speechless. Oh sure, many have tried to put its splendor into words. Poets, playwrights, and writers have done a great job creating works of beauty in their own right, many of which evoke strong emotions by themselves, but none of them provide the exact same experience as actually being there. They provide experiences onto themselves, not necessarily better or worse, just different. This is true for paintings, photographs and even video, as well. And we can kind of understand and accept that when it comes to things like nature.

But what about when it comes to people, or objects/experiences like wine, art, books, food, etc.? Is it ok to enjoy those kinds of experiences without being able to explain why? Doesn’t being able to name the specifics of why we like something allow us to share it with others? Can’t it actually enhance our enjoyment? This is where it starts to get a bit complicated. For example, would you rather enjoy a really nice glass of wine alone or with someone? And if you really love wine, don’t you naturally want to talk about it? Don’t you actually enjoy doing so? And doesn’t it feel a bit sad in comparison to just sit in a room by yourself with the old jug o’ vino?  Strap on the oxygen masks, people, we’re about to go deep here.

Is it ok for me to like what I like?

When a child likes something, like a particular flavor of candy, he doesn’t need to know why. He just does. He’ll tell you he likes the grape better than the orange. End of discussion. There’s no need to explain why. He feels secure in his choice and doesn’t need to explain himself further.

As we grow older, however, we’re taught to place an incredible amount of value on the opinions of others. In fact, most of us learned to value what others think MORE than what we think. This is fine when we agree on something (we all like the grape best). But when we disagree even slightly, we find ourselves in a defensive mode – we need to explain why we like something. We feel the need to justify our choice, not only to validate ourselves (I like it and it’s ok that I like it because I have really good reasons), but also to hopefully win the other person over to our side. It’s an intellectual approach to pleasure. If I can explain to you why I like something and I make a compelling enough argument, then you may be convinced to like it, too. And if I can’t convince you to like it as well, then I at least want to get you to agree that my reasons for liking something are valid. In either case, I’m actually asking for your approval, or to be even more blunt about it – for your permission to like what I like.

Am I ok?

But this belief runs even deeper. For many of us, our opinion of something and its validity are tied to our self worth. If I can’t get you to agree that my opinion of something is valid, then I may well feel disapproved of. It’s no longer about the opinion. It’s about me. In other words, I’ve just tied my ability to experience pleasure to my self-worth. Holy shitballs Batman.

For example, one person will declare that they really like the Burgers from Grease Pit A, and then someone else will say that they like the Burgers from Grease Pit B. Both will feel challenged and will begin to defend why their choice is the valid one, as if they didn’t have the right to like their own Grease Pit if someone in the world, or at least in their vicinity, disagrees with them. People will defend their choices vehemently, sometimes even violently (think sports teams), because they’re not really defending their choice, but rather their own worth. If you say that the thing I like is stupid, you’re saying I’m stupid, and because I’ve been taught to believe everyone’s opinion of me over my own, and this particular opinion differs greatly from that of Who I Really Am and therefore causes a great deal of negative emotion, this clearly necessitates that someone get slapped. As a bonus, if someone happens to catch the exchange on video, we may all get a Reality TV show out of it. Ha.

Just like what you like

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We get to like what we like. We don’t need anyone to agree with us or validate our choices in order to like them. And if they don’t agree with our choices, that doesn’t mean that our self worth has to take a dip. Their opinion of our choices and even of us has absolutely nothing to do with how we feel, unless of course, we decide that it does.

It is possible to retrain ourselves, to decouple our own enjoyment from the validation of others. Here’s now:

  • Spend some time enjoying things alone. If you like drinking wine, have a glass by yourself and pay attention to the taste. Do you still like it? Perhaps you don’t really like the taste of wine so much, as the experience of drinking with others. In that case, you may want to find a drink that you actually really like instead. Be prepared for some surprises here. You may not actually like the things you thought you did. You may simply have taken on someone else’s opinions. Make your own choices.
  • When you find something you enjoy, just sit with it. Just experience it. Spend some time just being in the moment. When we dissect why we like something, it’s our mind’s way of making sense of an emotion. But when you recognize that you don’t need to make sense of it to feel it, and you just allow yourself to feel it, you take a shortcut to joy. You cut out the middleman. This does take some practice, so don’t expect to be perfect right away. But you may be amazed at how quickly you’ll remember how to do this.
  • When you’re with others, give yourself permission to like your choices. Don’t justify them. If someone has a different opinion, see it as such. Their choice doesn’t negate yours. If you like green and they like red, that doesn’t mean that one is better than the other. You each just have a preference and BOTH are valid. Just shrug your shoulders and say “ok” instead of declaring them an idiot.
  • When you hear someone criticizing the choices of others or calling them “simple” for not being able to justify their opinions in a way they can agree with, understand that the person doing the criticizing is simply displaying their own insecurities. When someone is saying “Ha! You like that thing I don’t like and you can’t even explain why you like it” in a condescending way, what they’re really saying is “I believe that we are in a competition to see which one of us is less unworthy, and if I can disapprove of you more eloquently (or beat the crap out of you), then I clearly win, and I get to feel good about myself today.” They simply have a fundamental misunderstanding of how the world works. You don’t have to play that old game, and you don’t have to get them to play the new one with you.
  • When you find yourself looking at something you like, ask yourself WHAT you like about it, instead of WHY you like it. List all the things you like about it. This will increase your enjoyment of it by causing you to focus on the vibration of the enjoyment. Often, when we focus on WHY we like something, we’re actually focusing on the possible disapproval we may face from others, and we’re mentally preparing ourselves for battle.
  • When you do focus on WHY you like something, ask yourself if those are the true reasons you like something, or if you’re making a list that will help you defend your choice to others later.
  • Pay attention to how you feel when someone disagrees with your choices. The less affected you are by their disagreement, the more secure you are.  The goal is to not take their opinions of something you like personally.

But, what about shared enjoyment?

So, what about the pleasure we feel when we enjoy activities with others? Is that just an illusion based on the approval and validation we feel? Partially, yes. At least for many of us. But it doesn’t have to be. Spending time with others whom we resonate with does feel great. Sharing activities that bring us all joy feels wonderful. And discussing those shared interests in great detail gets us all focused on something we like, increasing the enjoyment even further. That’s not an illusion. In fact, when you get a bunch of happy people together, the power of all that focus grows exponentially. Two happy people don’t just feel twice as happy together as one happy person. The energy can actually be much bigger than that (this also works with negative emotions, by the way). This is why being at a concert or football stadium when your team is winning feels so amazing.

But here’s a huge difference between being in joy and attracting others who are in joy, too and then spending time together, which feels awesome, and having to share an experience with others and needing them to agree with our choices in order to enjoy ourselves, which is really all about insecurity and validation.

Bottom line

Give yourself permission to like what you like (and conversely, to not like what you don’t like.) You don’t need to justify your opinions or preferences. You don’t need to be able to explain them. Joy and pleasure are not intellectual experiences, they’re emotional ones. You can appreciate something for no reason at all. When you do dissect why you like something, do it in order to enhance the experience, NOT because you need to get validation for your choice (and it may take you some time to figure out which one you’re doing). And in doing so, you’ll take a huge, giant, bouncy leap towards becoming a truly secure happy shiny puppy. :D


H. October 16, 2012 at 16:03


Guilty pleasure can be the movie or book that you read or watch and you don’t take them in great (or no) account, but the results are remarkable in terms of having fun and even extracting a learning or an awareness that serves us.

PS – Happened with me surprisingly with Fifty Shades of Grey. Curiously not the hanky panky parts… That wouldn’t be that surprising, because I’m pretty sure that many bored housewifes will give birth to a new generation conceived in the red velvet fantasy of that book. And yeah, about the expression “guilty pleasure”, there shouldn’t be no guilt in pleasure. (OK, now I sound like Madonna in the early 90′s).

mopeychild October 16, 2012 at 17:22

Sorry for butting in, but when u said ‘ bored housewives’ dosent it imply that ur thinking of them as a tad less worthy than u think of yourself ( based on the parts of the book u liked) :P

H. October 16, 2012 at 17:33

No, it’s because this kind of books are also called “mommy porn” (the same as the so very chaste Twilight Saga), as in stereotyping the kind of readers of this novels. Stereotyping, depending on the point of view and context, can be just funny and not mean. Hey, I’m not a housewife and I read it ;)

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 22:45

Hey H.,

Ah yes, the guilty pleasure. You’re so right, why guilty? :) We should never feel guilty for feeling pleasure. Maybe for NOT feeling pleasure, he, he. :)

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Kat October 16, 2012 at 16:34

Thanks for the insight here Melody. I have a lot of trouble with this, as I’m mostly affected by the opinions of others, but I understand that it is just that- their opinion. I do not have to take it to heart at all. As a matter of fact, I should take everything with a grain of salt.

People love to talk. That is what they do. Even when they have no idea about a subject or when you could care less about what they have to say, they still blurt out their opinion as if it is law of some sort. I guess I am the fool for actually paying attention to all this and focusing on it, allowing it to penetrate my heart, because cruel things are usually said. Since I know better, I’m practicing to just let them have their opinion, and if it does not match mine, so what?

It just gets tiring to the point of exhaustion. Abe was right in a tape where this was covered. It gets too hard to impress everyone and not go with what you and only you like. My sister is practically forcing me to do more ivf immediately claiming that time’s a wasting, practically scaring the crap out of my husband who now ignores her due to the high stress state she causes. We took a break from it for a period and we are sticking to that decision. But others can inflict all their stress upon you, it’s crazy.

Our decisions are based on our perspective, which the universe requires for its expansion, not to mention each of us requires it for our own expansion, if we are doing anything here at all. Some people ate nit and are thus stagnating. It is cool to meet people who understand that perspective. At least it helps. The concert example is a perfect one because, while at a concert, you feel like to are floating on the high vibration if the crowd! Magical!

The point is to be a happy shiny puppy always thereby deflecting all that chatter around us. It is tough, but totally doable.


Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 22:47

Hey Kat,

I didn’t actually realize how insidious this belief was until I wrote the post. As I was writing it, I thought of example after example. But then, the inspiration for posts always shows up at just the right time. We all do this, but it does get a lot better with practice. Suddenly, you hear yourself justifying something you like or don’t like and you stop and laugh at yourself. That’s when you know you’ve got it. :)

Huge hugs!
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KimS October 16, 2012 at 17:16

welcome to my Ex — who so powerfully needed to be “right” that he literally bullied everyone around into agreeing with him. It was truly abusive. By the time I left him, I had no idea what *I* thought or felt about anything, I was so used to him giving me my opinions. I was even incapable of thinking of him as being abusive because because one of the things I was taught to think is what a great guy he is, even while he was verbally and emotionally beating me down into agreeing with whatever he said.

I asked him once if he would rather be right or happy. His response: “How is it possible to be happy if you’re not right?”


Kat October 16, 2012 at 17:22

Whoa, Kim, thanks for sharing that one! That is something. Unfortunately, many people are like that. My dad is like that. Until I left home at 21, after college, I had no opinion of my own, I did not know what I liked let alone who I was, no voice of my own because I had to “obey thy father” as I was constantly reminded. No wonder I had trouble making decisions and had to deal with regret. Raising his children that was just an easy way for him to put order in his life, yet there were consequences for us but I at least, am dealing with the help of this blog and Abe!

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:00

Wow Kim,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. And your ex may have expressed himself quite bluntly, but many, MANY people think along the same way. There’s SUCH a need to be right. This is how wars get started… Good for you for getting out. :)

Huge hugs!
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tony October 17, 2012 at 09:52

You wonderful ladies!
That’s why we write down the laws in our days!
I understand the point of view of Kim’s Ex and Kat’s father as I’m a control freak too. But I see your point, as my mother was like Kat’s father

Judging from my experiences, they probably think that way because if they are wrong they will feel obliged to do something they don’t want. Or they will lose the respect of others. Or both. Perhaps they tried to tolerate different opinions and they met someone who forced his opinion on them, things got ugly and they are now offending to defend themselves.
Forcing others is not a good way to show our love and appreciation but they might think that they prevent chaos.

Kat October 17, 2012 at 14:22

Yes, Tony, good observation. My grandfather was like that and had my dad in check. He could not get a word in edgewise. I felt so unloved in childhood, I wanted to run away from home at times, but good thing that I didn’t. That is how I felt, though, and I lacked certain things, like true confidence, which, in a child, stems from being truly loved by your parents. I know that was the best my dad could do, yet I did not feel it and did not have such a solid foundation in life, hence I always second-guess myself, but I’m working on this now.

tony October 17, 2012 at 16:35

maybe you should try to break the world in which your experiences happened and zoom out. I also second guess myself. I do it because if I let myself to focus on sth with intensity I don’t know what resistance will come with it (since I haven’t figured out whose resistance i have adopted and how to control it). And I have adopted resistance patterns from many people while interacting using the belief that life happens to us. I take it for granted that what I have experienced is what I allowed myself to experience.

What’s worse, i recently realised that I didn’t let myself to zoom out (and let my mind see the whole map and go to solutions), because the world of the person whose resistance I have adopted would fall apart. If his world falls apart, my world would fall apart too. And then I realised that this person is already dead and my world hasn’t fallen apart, it was a memory from my childhood. It all started when I was convinced that as I child I needed my parents to survive without realising that other possibilities existed (like other people adopting me, with other beliefs). Then I realised that I allowed myself to be convinced. Why I decided to be born and stay with those people is another story. Pure madness

Kat October 17, 2012 at 16:58


I share your sentiments on this topic, which brings tears to my eyes. I don’t know why, I was a happy shiny puppy regardless if the circumstances, yet it all caught up with me recently.

I, too, wanted to be adopted and brought into my reality a family with boys who always wanted a girl! And they were wealthy, too! Hahaha. So, there would be no arguments about money or anything like that. But, I am just speculating on that. Who knows what it would have really been like with them. What I did learn from that or, rather, what I confirmed was that I really am lovable and looked upon as wanted. My mom would always say that, if I was not satisfied with my parents, I should find another family to adopt me because she was tired with my antics. Not that I ever ended up in jail or committed a crime, but I did waste a lot if time doing something that was not right for me and now I’m kind if starting over. Well, not in LOA terms, but to those who do not understand this stuff, that is what it appears like to them and I might as well have committed a crime- career suicide.

However, everyone who meets me is curiously interested in my travels and experiences and even state that they should have gotten the degree I have to know certain things about the field- so this is all not only very comforting for me but confirms that my soul did lead me to those experiences for a reason! Cool huh?

I am dealing better with those who think I wasted precious time, however, I am guaranteed not to have a mid-life crisis like they had. You see, people do not look at themselves in the mirror and get a thrill at pointing at your “faults”. But, to counter this, I took Melody’s advice and remain perfectly calm during their rants of negativity and do not let it bother me one bit because I know better than they do! I am just letting you know of the strides I made in the recent months, mostly due to this very blog!

Thank you, Tony, for your input. We should not allow those who are no longer around to influence us, nor those who are around for that matter. We just have to free ourselves from the chains of that narrow mentality that hurt us so much. But there is no reason to feel bad about anything because it is all good and, besides, we have our soul’s backing.

Arvind Devalia October 16, 2012 at 17:17

Melody, I just love this post.

And this has to go down as one of the funniest phrases ever on your blog – Holy shitballs Batman!

Having read this properly, I am off out to enjoy a leisurely walk in the park – I hope that’s okay with all of you ;-)
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Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:01

Ahahahaha Arvind! I love it! Yes, it’s definitely ok with all of us. And if it isn’t, screw us! Ha.

I hope you enjoyed your walk! I have no idea where that phrase came from, by the way. Some things just beg to be written. I just oblige. :)

Huge hugs!
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Will October 16, 2012 at 18:24

I’m not too sure about being able to split the WHAT I like about the car I enjoy driving most and the WHY…doh, scratch scatch.

Great post as usual. How come you’re always reading my mind?

Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 12:26

Hey Will,

Don’t worry too much about it. Go more by how it feels. If your WHAT or WHY words make you feel really good, you’re doing it right. But if they sound kind of defensive to you, then you’re focused more on approval. It can take a bit of time to discern the difference, though, so take it easy on yourself. It’s all about feeling good. :)

Your mind is a good read. What can I say? I’m a fan. ;)

Huge hugs!

Tony October 16, 2012 at 18:39

Melody, I’m going to be late again for my appointment, but I’m not blaming you for writing another awesome post. Holly shit! (can I say that?) I guess I’m the same when it comes to analyzing. Can you believe I was on several online dating sites, dated women just to interview them! It wasn’t intentional (I was looking for that special one) but I couldn’t help myself. Since I write about relationships I wanted to learn first hand. I am like a sponge, I want to know!

The point is: this is my personality, I have developed into a inquisitive monster, and I’m happy… least 85% of the time :) The only problem is when I go out with my friends they think I’m interviewing them…….hmmmmm….what a dilemma!

Aside from that, being yourself, what does that mean? We have developed into these “copycat” creatures. Who are we really? We’re a combination of everyone, and everyone is a combination of us. In the big picture we are all as one (John Lennon you were right buddy!) however, we are individuals having individual “experiences.” So when I’m being myself I’m actually being a combination of several people….weird isn’t it? These are people whom have made an impact on my life. The cool thing about that is since we’re bits and pieces of other people and our experiences with them, we have become uniquely ourselves. Melody, whether that drunky realizes it or not, you made a difference in his life. You gave him a “bit” of you (lucky guy.) We do communicate on other levels. He is probably now reading your articles and being late for his appointment.

The new shiny puppy

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:06

Hey Tony,

Um, maybe you should come by here earlier? Just a thought… ;)

You’re right. He probably took something away. But that’s not my concern. I definitely got something out of it. The thing is, he actually started the exchange off in an incredibly disrespectful way. I nearly told him off, but then saw something in him that made me stop. A sadness. And so, I engaged for a bit and let him talk. It wasn’t so much an exchange (he had no interest in listening to anything I had to say), but maybe he benefited by having someone be kind to him. I didn’t even realize I got a blog post out of it until the next day. It was a great reminder that everything is valuable. :)

Cuddles and hugs,

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Alice October 17, 2012 at 00:48

Hi Melody,

I know just the type of guy. They don’t have to be drunk! The ones that only hear half of your sentence, jump to conclusions and think they are much smarter and wiser than you.
The whole premise of what you are saying could change (especially with me, I generally make my point at the end, which is out of tune with the mainstream language style, where standard practice is to get to the point first, then back it up as you proceed.)
Then the write you off so they can talk about what THEY want to talk about, which of course is a speech and you are the audience.

They assume what you are saying is going one way, when you just got started and taking this baby on a cross country, blabbering expedition. ;-) Most people don’t have the patience for that, so they take a look at your clothes, your first two sentences and then take the wheel from there.

e.g. I’m not insert religious path but when engaging with someone like that, you use a Christian metaphor or quote as a prelude to the topic of conversation.
Before you even finish they think they know all about you and what you are going to say “ohhh I’m not religious, blah de blah blah”
Then I interrupt them back and say “neither am I!!!!!!!” and they ask why I used the quote…. and I said, “you would have figured it out if you didn’t interrupt me and let me finish my sentence.”
So they already painted a mental image of me being a quaker and milking cows and reading my bible…. when I didn’t even get a chance to get to the part about where I was actually saddling cows and racing them for profit.

People like that miss the point, then say to you “you never got to the point” but I did, if they just listened.
That’s a combination of their poor listening skills/reading comprehension—combined with my poor delivery and layer manner of communication.

I find I really have to dumb down my speech….or make bullet points, speaking in cliches or exaggerations….

To slightly digress for a little while…. I had a friend that started reading 2 paragraphs of a short story of mine. They put it down and said I should market it to a publisher that deals with childrens books….
I was shocked and thought they were joking, as they were graphic sex and violence scenes as one of the characters was a prostitute.
You see, I began the book being playful and building up an atmosphere. You don’t rush art…
I pointed out the scenes and they loved them…and siad “definetly not for kids!”…………you see what I’m saying here! Rush, rush, rush…and you miss the sexual content!

Now to the punchline….. Did I do a good job of a drunken rant?


Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 12:33

LOL Alice. Yeah, you’re right. They don’t have to be drunk. But I’ve realized that not every exchange is about what I can convey to them. Sometimes it’s just about me listening. And even though a lot of what this guy was talking about wasn’t up my alley at all, some of it still made me think and led to this blog post. I’ve come to realize that every conversation has a gift for me and I won’t hear it when I’m talking. So, when I meet someone like that, I take it as a sign that they’re not there to learn from me. And it’s not about the connection. But if I just go with it, there will be something valuable for me in there. And then, when I get tired of the monologue, I just excuse myself. I no longer care if they get me or not, get my points or not, or think they’re smarter than me. Let them. I have nothing to prove. :)

Huge hugs,

Alice October 17, 2012 at 00:08

Hello Tony!

I loved your comment. I also become late for appointments all the time reading this blog. :-)
I wish the man in my life was more open to questions! Thank you for mentioning your curious mind. Now I feel inspired! So it is possible for men out there to be just as curious as me, and not all “what’s with all the questions?”

Personally, if someone “interviewed” me, I’d be flattered that they have so much interest in me. You should see this as a good quality, but like me you just haven’t found the right people to match up with all aspects of your personality. I find I have more luck with extroverts that love talking about themselves anyway.

I gladly talk about myself, but I need prompting. I don’t just want to stand there and run my mouth off. I want to have an interested audience, that questions me and ideally lets me question them just as much back. It helps to have feedback, so I know I’m not boring them or they are simply being polite.
But when a real, two-way conversation happens-I enjoy myself immensely! I find I get into more monologues, than two way conversation.
Either I’m talking at someone or find an even bigger extravert that talks at me.

Continue being that interviewer, you’ll be sure to find someone that has been looking for a listening ear, a spark of interest and wants to do the same for you. :-)

Tony October 17, 2012 at 01:44

Alice, thank you. I love questions, and I love answers. I am still the interviewer, and I am being myself.

A quick story. I feel that I am a romantic person by nature. When I go out with my lady friends I like to wine and dine them, open the car door and even buy them a gift. The problem with that was some of my newer friends thought I was courting them. I am an intuitive person and I know almost immediately when she is going to be a friend or more. If I sense they will be a friend, I will let them know. I don’t play games, however, being nice to them in that way, and not pursuing them is considered “game playing”

I was confused because I wanted to be myself and couldn’t. I mentioned this to one of my closest female friends. She said that she knows I have good intentions and that’s all that matters. She said “just continue to be yourself”

Now, I knew that, but it didn’t sink in until she told me. Just be yourself with good intentions……what a concept! Here’s another one, not everyone is going to accept you when you’re being yourself.

The people that are in close frequency (vibration) with me will stay in my circle. The ones that aren’t, will eventually fade away. This is not good or bad, it is where we are at.

It’s our perception of how we see or interpret life, people, things, and experiences. Again, it’s not good or bad, right or wrong, it just is.

Melody, I wasn’t really late, I’m just a silly man.

Shiny puppy

Jenapher October 16, 2012 at 18:46

I lol’d when I saw the title of this post. I am so guilty of this, especially dissecting the “why” of emotions, and I drive myself crazy! But this is such a great post because it explains why I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable watching my favorite TV show with someone who hates it or thinks it’s stupid, and why I filter everything I post on Facebook so the guy I like won’t think I’m crazy.Hey! I’m working on it. :) It’s great to see a black and white explanation that I’m just looking for approval and validation, because it is(was) SO true! I know I just always need to be myself, and like the saying goes that you love-”Let my freak flag fly!” :)

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:09

So… this guy you like… don’t you think if he’s a great match for you vibrationally that he may actually appreciate your inner freak? He may be hiding his inner freak from you. So there you both are, secret freaks, hiding from each other. Tsk, tsk. ;)

When you’re a match, you’re a match to the freaky and wonderful as well. Yay!

Huge hugs!
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Alice October 17, 2012 at 01:04

Oh this is so good! (Thanks for sparking this Jenapher)

I have the opposite philosophy with people I like. I’ve tried to be as honest and freaky as possible with them, because I wanted a long-term relationship and I don’e want someone who wouldn’t understand me or that I’d have to hide parts of my persona from.

If I was just dating, then yes, I would filter my crazy, I not going to marry them, so they only have to know me enough so we can have a short romance or friendship.

Jenapher October 18, 2012 at 04:27

I have been laughing about “secret freaks” all day. And you’re right
If we’re on the same wavelength, then I’ll find
Out soon enough, right? Like magnets? :D

Mary Carol Moran October 16, 2012 at 21:35

Hi Melody,

This post makes me laugh out loud. Oh yes!

I fairly recently finished a masters degree in creative writing poetry. This topic, intellectual vs emotional appreciation, was the foundation of many of our discussions. So I’ll be devil’s advocate for a sec and say that I do think dissecting something can add to enjoyment. For example, taking apart a Mark Doty poem (after enjoying the heck out of it raw first), can let us see and appreciate the underpinnings, How did he DO that? And forever after, that poem has an added special meaning for us.

But that said, I agree 100% with everything you’ve said about not falling into opinions because others hold them. However dysfunctional my birth family was in other ways, we children were always encouraged to form and voice our own opinions about everything. And to distinguish between which opinions need facts to back them up, like which candidate to vote for, and which are purely personal. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Melody, thanks as always for shining the light on another important topic! Hugs,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:13

Hey Mary Carol,

Ah yes, dissecting something for the enjoyment of it is pure awesomeness. I did try to mention that in the post peripherally. We should just be aware of when we’re dissecting for other reasons, which we often are. As I was showing my brother around Barcelona last week, I found myself really wanting him to like everything. I took him to my favorite places, and was always watching for his reaction. Then, I realized what I was doing, and relaxed. It’s an awesome city and there was little chance he wouldn’t like it, but ultimately I had no control over that (he loved it). So why stress? I still wanted him to have a good time, but I didn’t take it personally anymore. It was so freeing.

Huge hugs!!

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Alice October 17, 2012 at 01:09

I admit to making side-ways glances under my eyelashes, when watching a movie with someone to see if they are smiling or laughing at the same things and making sure they like it just as much as me or paying attention to the importnat parts as I really want a buddy to love the same thing so we can chat about it after.

Ayla October 16, 2012 at 22:14

Melody, the title of today’s post piqued my interest and brought back a memory of a conversation I once had with my beloved late uncle. (This man was a genius, and to boot, believed he was even smarter than that–but he often spoke very profoundly.
He said that the more intelligent a person is, the more that person is prone to depression. He pointed to someone near us that was gazing up at the sky with a silly smile on his face and said, “Case in point.” I know it came off a little pompous, but he truly did have a good point: the more we pick stuff apart, the less enjoyable it becomes. For many who question the meaning of life, for instance, life itself can seem rather blase and pointless; if one thinks about it long enough, one might come to the conclusion that there really is no big magical purpose any of us really have, that we are all born, we live, and we die, end of story, on to the next guy. Then they get into a big topic about people in different cultures and how opportunities are presented more abundantly than, say, those in third world countries, and then they talk about how pitiful the existence of those people must be… This is probably just reiterating your point, but it truly seems to boil down to one’s perspective. Is it possible that the person in the third world country, hungry and without many material things, can be happier than the one with everything at his fingertips? Yes, definitely! If we take the time to simply enjoy what is for what it is, then we can truly enjoy it.

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:18

Hey Ayla,

That’s such a great point. But the thing we tend to forget is that we have a choice of perspective. We can dissect things in a positive way or a negative way. There is this huge assumption that when we dissect something, we automatically have to look for the flaws. But we can dissect what’s great about something too. And yeah, I’ve met many people who think that happy people are simple or ignorant. And there are many who think that if you don’t watch the news every day and know about everything horrible in the world, then you’re naive. That’s their perspective and a miserable one at that. I believe that you can be intelligent, analytical and happy. You don’t have to dissect and analyze indiscriminately. A biologist doesn’t study the stars. He has a specialty. My specialty is happy. :)

Huge hugs!
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Alice October 17, 2012 at 01:45

Wow! So many comments to reply to here! Sat on my hands for a while so as not to dominate the blog too much, but as LOA will have it if I leave I notice 5 other people AT LEAST will come and make page long comments or comment on everything for me……it never ceases to blow me away how it all balances!

“I’ve met many people who think that happy people are simple or ignorant. And there are many who think that if you don’t watch the news every day and know about everything horrible in the world, then you’re naive. That’s their perspective and a miserable one at that. I believe that you can be intelligent, analytical and happy.”

There is much more for you to say on this topic. Does happiness=shallow? Does happiness=ignorant? Does happiness=dumb?

I have two views on this:

1) Aylas’ uncle is correct and I’ve often said the same thing. I’ve known highly intellectual, bright and advanced people. They were also highly depressed, almost as depressed as they were brilliant.

I have also noticed (sorry, not always–don’t kill me!) that some of the people that took to things like “The Secret” and L.O.A. quickly were not the brightest of people………They had no knowledge of science or logic, therefore they could suspend their analytical mind more effectively.
They listen to the crap statements that movie made like “you don’t know how electricity works” and feel insulted, because, hey, they DO know! So that doesn’t fool or impress them.
They don’t fall for the psychobabble and fake-science talk like putting the word “quantum” in front of everything, which is the craze in new-age circles. They have a large amount of intellect, so none of those silly explanations that involve saying they don’t know something or are ignorant of certain processes that they are fully aware of.
They’re too smart for that and therefore this placebo effect of convincing ourselves that we have control of our external environments (which is positive thinking, changing our internal framing and perspective so we just feel happier and maybe have external effects like better interaction with others…noticing opportunities, re-training the mind for success, but this is good psychology, not metaphysical) with our minds won’t gel.

Actually most of the content of this blog isn’t LOA or magic. It’s good psychology and problem solving skills.
There is a psychological explanation. Programming the subconscious mind with positivity would change beliefs, body language and has knock on effect for social interaction, promotions etc.
I challenge you to show real magic of LOA, such as making something appear or change that psychology can’t already do.
I WANT to see this, I believe it’s there and there’s more to LOA than good psychology, but most of it just seems like common sense. (think good=benefits, well der!)

But it’s not because they are too smart… it’s because they just didn’t have enough faith and need to try harder, pray harder, vizualise harder??
That’s why your blog is good Melody, as you do value those intellectuals and give fairly decent explanations.

2) I don’t like this view because as I become happier, people think I am a bimbo. They are shocked to find once upon a time I was a big reader!

3) Why is jolly behavor seen as being a “bimbo”? Why is cheerful behavor “silly”?

Did another good job of playing the ” tortured intellectual” didn’t I? ;-) (intellectual too lazy to check spelling and grammar)

Alice October 17, 2012 at 02:15

P.S. A great example of these things already existing is in “The Secret” movie.

There’s a part where the girl “manifests” a necklace….. but the boyfriend was the one that bought it for her, with his money, from his job.

I didn’t think that was fair, sit around manifesting and SOMEONE ELSE will work hard and pay for it for you…
That’s not manifesting, that’s staring into windows until the poor guy gets the hint. lol! :-)

Melody, surely you can do them better with a better example of how this works, something TRULY magical for us intellectuals,
which is a bit better than hinting at something and someone else gets it for you.

Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 12:51

Hey Alice,

Too funny. Well, I agree that a lot of the early adopters of the Secret may not have been too analytical. But so what? I saw it for what it was – a fluff piece, shallow enough to appeal to the masses. If it had gone deeper, as it was originally designed to, the reach wouldn’t have been as broad. This got a lot of people interested in the subject. And then they went searching for more. What they found depended on their own personal vibration. Some are more analytical, some are satisfied with more woo woo explanations.

And yes, I do agree that many highly intelligent people are not happy. But again, that’s just because they’re operating on beliefs that they’re not aware of. I’m truly happy and shiny. Do I annoy certain people? Of course I do. Do some people falsely assume that I’m a total airhead when I’m being silly? I’m sure they do. I don’t care. If you sit down and have a conversation with it, it’ll become fairly obvious that I’m not dumb. I don’t really care if everyone knows it or not. And it is possible to be smart and happy. Oooh, “Smart and Happy”. That would make a good book title. :)

Ah, I have tons of examples. But none of them will satisfy someone who isn’t willing to see it. Actually, that girl did manifest that necklace. It’s not the best example ever when you’re trying to explain this stuff, but it is valid. I see things lining up all day long. Even the weather will play with me. But you could always call these things coincidences. Of course, at some point, the number of coincidences becomes ridiculous, but still. For example, I’m going to need a proofreader soon. I just happened to meet one who reads my blog and loves my work and will proofread my stuff with pleasure. LOA brought me my first team member just before I needed her. What service! I had a BBQ on my terrace last Sunday. All week, the forecast was for rain on the weekend. I relaxed about it and made alternate plans. The storm came through early and Sunday was beautiful. Again, can I prove it was my manifestation? Nope. But things just always seem to be working out in my favor. And the frequency of it all is just increasing. I see LOA working everywhere. As I relax more and more about things, they work out more and more. I see the correlation. But to someone who thinks this is BS, they’ll have the same reaction as people did to the necklace. It’s all a matter of perception. You can look at things in a “realistic” (meaning, most people would agree and can’t really argue with your premise) way that feels bad, or you can look at things in a way that a lot of people won’t see but which feels good. Is it harder to do that when you have more information? Yes. Because you have more compelling “evidence” of one type of reality. But it’s not impossible to shift to a better feeling perspective. All of my clients are intelligent people. Some of them even scientists and doctors. They are making the choice to shift. :)

Huge hugs!

Kat October 17, 2012 at 14:33

Yes, Melody! This is what I wanted to add today, somewhere here, and found the perfect spot! Chilling. That is the name if the game. All we need to do is be chill and things happen in our favor. This I realized yesterday.

I thought to all the times I worried myself sick or jumped to conclusions and freaked out about stuff, with the result of either making myself sick or things backfiring or getting into needless arguments with people for no reason. Crazy. It may have been hormonal, but I can still be cool about it. I have known this for a while, but it just made sense. There is no reason to go berserk over something, anything, because things work out eventually but when chill, things ease into working out!

Alice October 19, 2012 at 01:22

Hi Melody,

Firstly thank you Melody for your excellent respone. I’m glad you found the necklace example funny, as I was thinking people could manifest like this all the time!
The lazy mans’ manifestation–look as sad as a little puppy, put some patches in your clothes and then stratigically look in directtion of object of desire, making sure richer person is observing you. :-)

Personally I wouldn’t need so much evidence, as I don’t think it’s all BS. You know that. (*would be hurt if you really thought that*)
I just want a more inspiring example than a necklace or something easily explained.
Something I can do myself and be blown away.

The other day I had an awesome, joyous day. I feel this is contrary to LOA as in the morning I felt sick and was afraid of getting trapped on the train and vomiting on myself…
So I had these hideous thoughts and worried little body threatening to wreck everything.
Instead I had a FANTASTIC day, even better than expected…. which is not really what I was lined up with seeing I was thinking of vomit…

Don’t get me wrong, I VERY glad I didn’t get trapped in a crowded train and vomit on myself…. but so many times I get the I’ll be thinking really happy thoughts and I’ll get some of the worst things happening…
Then sometimes it DOES match my thoughts… but not always… so that’s why I am not convinced as so far it’s hits and misses so easily could be coincidence.

But I’m not that pigheaded that if there was coincidence after coincidence, good day after good day YES I would be convinced, it just has to be consistent.
Not “I’ll work for you one day, then take a vacation the other”

You, see what I mean. My mind IS WAY OPEN, I just want a reasonable sign, I won’t pick it to pieces, but just a bit better than simple happenings.
And more than once, yes I’d accept that. I wouldn’t call more than once “coincidence” as there is a way to be stupid in reverse.

Stupid in a straightline=
Believing LOA without any reason, jumping in boots in and not thinking at all. Having FAITH in anything anyone says that LOA does this or that, reading online stories and taking it as truth without seeing it in your own life.

Stupid in reverse=
Having big,frequent, cool manifestations show up again and again and still saying there is no magic.
Wishing for a blue feather, an apartment, a strawberry bush and saying it is coincidence when you get exactly that.
Having LOA work for you consistently, having many great days and success in your life and not showing any appreciation.

I’m not either of these types of stupid. :-) So, show me the money!!!!

Melody Fletcher October 19, 2012 at 12:57

Hey Alice,

Well, it sounds like you have some extremes going. You have loads of vibrations, some of them really positive, some really negative. And you kind of swing back and forth between the two. So, in any given moment, you can line up with one or the other, and switch quite quickly. This is where focusing deliberately comes in, instead of just kind of seeing what you get.

Do that, and you’ll begin to see the correlation. :)

Huge hugs!
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Alice October 20, 2012 at 10:32


Well that explains my craziness. Oh I also gave up, I realized I’ve already embarassed myself so much with over-sharing on this blog, it’s done, so I’m sticking with it. :-)

Deliberate focus. Come on, stick with me focus! :-)

How does a person get so many vibrations?

Alice October 19, 2012 at 01:27

Hello Kat,

I’m glad my somments gave you the perfect spot!

I’m not sure what you are talking about, but I’m sure Melody knows.

Have a good day.

Kat October 16, 2012 at 22:37

Oh yeah- The opinions of others can be hurtful and set us back, however, as Abe always says, they are irrelevant. I must share this story i heard last week. Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup fir the Soul, was speaking of a young woman who won a writing scholarship to an Ivy League school. She was placed in the accelerated writing class with a renowned academic who flunked her because, according to him, she pretty much sucked at writing and made her promise to study something else while in college, which she did.

A decade and a half after college, a movie was being filmed in her area and she hung out with the writers to whom she naturally gravitated. She mentioned she always wanted to be a writer to which a writer answered that she either is or isn’t. She told him that a professor had told her she sucked. Well, the other writer urged her to submit a piece to him and, a year later, Romancing the Stone was out which was turned into a movie followed by Jewel Of The Nile!

It just goes to show you that, no matter what anyone says or what happens, life takes you to where you need to be, no doubt!

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:20

Hey Kat,

That’s an awesome story! Although, one could argue that the life experience she got while NOT writing made her stories even better. Ha. It’s so awesome how our passions show up again and again. It’s almost like there’s a system running underneath everything drawing us towards our happiness… ;)

Huge hugs!
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Kat October 17, 2012 at 00:18

My thoughts and feelings exactly Melody! Thank you!

Alice October 17, 2012 at 02:03

This may not be LOA, but that doesn’t mean LOA is nonsense and has no value (as why am I here?)

The visualizing and other LOA techniques program the mind to look for the things we want. This means we’d program our mind to be more open to opportunities that benefit us and things we are looking for.
So there’s no “Universe” manifesting stuff for us. It is there and improving our minds to be better at spotting things we want.

That’s how “luck” works. Lucky people believe they are lucky and are more open to beneficial opportunities as their mind state is open and looking for opportunities.

It’s changing the language of the mind and your behaviour, with beliefs and perception.
This is all good and beneficial, so I strongly feel the LOA movement is mostly beneficial.

I have more to say here, but maybe it belongs on a different post.

Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 12:58

Hey Alice,

to me, this is just another (valid) way of explaining LOA principles. You’ll get your chance on Thursday, actually. That post will deal with how to explain this stuff to others in a non-woo woo way. :)

Kat October 17, 2012 at 14:41

Hey Alice,

Lucky people are chill and happy shiny puppies so the universal forces work with them, so to speak. They are cool and calm and open to things, yes. I read The Luck Factor, and that is what the guy found in his research.

They are also popular. Even if not liked by all, those who do not like them don’t really have anything bad to say about them. So, they flow with life, downstream, as LOA states and they have a grand old time! FYI

Kat October 17, 2012 at 20:43

Here’s another example if LOA in action. This past summer, the neighbor’s tiny dogs made incredible noise while left outside all day and night. It was hard to work at home with all the barking going on. It was hard to chill with all the barking day and night. We wondered if the dogs ever got tired at all to take a breather from all that barking.

I was very hormonal going through ivf and my husband had a lot of yard work to do, so every time we went out to the backyard, those dogs would literally bark in our ear, as the houses are glued together. We would tell the dog to keep it down. This went on all spring and summer.

Cats also appeared in our lives for shelter in the backyard. The mom cat brought the kittens over since they can hide under our shed. They are gone now, but while looking for a program to keep the cats from reproducing, I came across a noise complaint that could be filed anonymously. I was tempted to do it but my inner voice and husband said not to. We just recently found out that someone else put in the complaint. The neighbors received a warning and they will be fined with the next complaint! This is so cool and all is quiet again!

Alice October 19, 2012 at 01:34

Hi Kat,

I don’t think neighbours getting fined is the best feeling solution. That won’t make the dogs stop barking. Maybe they are bored?

I am curious, as you often reply to me with LOA information, what you think of when you think of me and what your goal is here?

Alice October 19, 2012 at 01:30


FYI, i AM aware of that. :-)

DawnStar October 16, 2012 at 22:48

Oh the mind! That wrong seeking missile that will lock on to a target and follow it up hill and down dale, all day and all night, depriving us of sleep, appetite, joy until BOOM!! We catch up and smash into our quarry and are left reeling because to do so doesn’t feel anything like what we wanted it to. But, wait, here’s another question or situation that demands turning inside out, several times over and whoosh!! Another wrong seeking missile is launched.

I am also very intellectual but it doesn’t get in my way anymore. When I was little, I didn’t question the colours I saw around people or the feelings I picked up from people, or the pictures that flashed into my mind when I talked to people. They were just what they were. As I grew older I needed to know how it all worked and I read every book on metaphysics I could find. I would be led from one book to another, devouring all it held and stuffing it all into my head. I couldn’t just attend a workshop on chakra healing for instance, I had to arrive at the workshop with scientific knowledge of how it all worked, with the back up of quantum physics, endocrinology, neuro-science, heart-math, astro-physics – I’m not kidding. I dipped into everything. I couldn’t pass on the chance to discover more knowledge. I proudly called myself a ‘truth-seeker’. Hahahaha :] What a pompous twat :]

The thing is, I stopped learning. I stopped learning because I couldn’t learn what I needed to learn from a book or from anyone else. I was valuing outside information more highly than my own inner knowing. The stuff I read, led my experience, so it shaped what I experienced. What I experienced had to fit within the parameters of what I read because the books were truth right? They were written by experts who KNOW stuff. They’ve got letters after their names and everything. I trusted what they were saying more than I trusted myself. Coz they’re exaulted specialists and well, I’m just me.

What I came to realise, was that my wrong seeking missile of a mind was robbing me of my own authentic experience. I had stopped seeing and feeling the things I used to see and feel as a kid and had started looking for the things I had read about in the books. I stopped trusting my own interpretations of what I felt from someone and instead, would sift mentally through the huge lists of ‘experts’ meanings I had neatly filed away in my mind, choose an appropriate one and convince myself it was right. It had to be didn’t it? I had read it in that practitioners ‘bible’.

I threw all my books away. And took all my questions inside to Who I Really Am. I trust the answers that come. I honour myself. I pay no mind to my mind as it swings from question to question like a monkey swinging from tree to tree. I choose the questions and just leave it to it. Your mind doesn’t care what questions you give it, it’s like a dog chasing a ball, it can’t help itself. It will chase, ‘What if the world doesn’t need saving?’ just as readily as, ‘What can I do to help save the world?’

God, it feels fabulous not to be led around by the nose – or the head – anymore :]

Just my take
Rockin’ oms

Melody Fletcher October 16, 2012 at 23:21

Ha, ha, Dawn. The mind can be our worst enemy or our best friend. We just have to learn to be in charge of it, make friends with it and not fight it. We have to speak the mind’s language. This is why I write the way I do – I do my best to explain things in a way that the mind can understand (well, the minds of those who resonate with my stuff), so that we can reprogram it to do our bidding. Then, it’s actually quite useful! :)

Huge hugs!

DawnStar October 17, 2012 at 01:00

Yes Melody, the mind has its uses. Like when it comes to doing your taxes, or crossing a busy street or passing a logarithm exam. The rest of the time it’s like a little yappy dog that won’t stop barking, ‘Yes, I heard you the first 100 times you yapped, you don’t need to continue for several hours’.

I don’t agree to speak my minds language. I don’t engage with my mind in it’s language nor do I engage with my mind on its terms. It doesn’t get to decide those things. Nor do I fight it. As you say, I take charge and move it gently but firmly into the back seat, so that my Large Self can drive, thank you :]

I do, however, completely see why you write with the way ‘mind’ works in ‘mind’ :] When I write, helping the mind understand isn’t my conscious priority. I write from my heart, to other’s hearts in the certainty that the hearts knowing supercedes the minds thinking. It doesn’t reach everyone. I know that. I can always offer a mindful explanation as a back up but I’m finding I have to less and less.

I know we’re coming from and going to the same place girlfriend. The nuances are exactly that and I appreciate you immensely.

Holy shitballs Batman is definitely a heart comment. No amount of logicalising could have come up with that one :]

Divine hugs

Bryce Christiansen October 17, 2012 at 00:37

Hi Melody,

Wow is this ever true. I get so drained sometimes being around “intellectuals” and especially the one’s who want to argue every point that get’s brought up.

How can you be happy when you act like that?

Well thanks for giving me a little rant space.

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Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 14:42

Ha, ha Bryce. The draining comes from you fighting them in some way. Just see them for what they are – people asking for your approval. That will take all the fight out of it. :)

Huge hugs!!


patricia October 17, 2012 at 03:27

I loved this post Melody – just spoke volumes to me… I have always been out of sync and most of the time I do not care and rather have enjoyed seeing with different eyes and even being called out for it ( in Grad. school that was a negative calling out) and I love to have arguments about positions and call our new ideas and our beliefs…I always learn so many new things. This is what Ethics is all about too – making each moment rather special and individualizing – so that greater numbers of folks are not hurt
There is a Japanese pillow talk exercise in discussing that the person must take at least 4 different sides to each idea or decision before blaming or stating a belief…and then explain it…it is so fun to teach students.

This is exactly what I am finding so ugly about this election in the USA…people are holding firm to other’s beliefs and swearing they are thinking for themselves. They are so rigid and boring and so locked up people are staying silent rather than talking Feels awful
Thanks for sharing you good thinking once again :)
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Kat October 17, 2012 at 14:43

I hear you Patricia!

Melody Fletcher October 17, 2012 at 14:45

Hey Patricia,

I love that Japanese exercise! Debate is kind of like that. You learn to see both sides of an argument. Only, it’s quite confrontational, of course…

I’ve been asked to write about the election, but honestly, I’m not into it at all. It’s all so ugly, I don’t resonate with any of it and really, it’s all propaganda anyway. My reaction is to hold my vision for what I want my world to look like and leave the details to LOA. I can’t go much deeper than that without getting affected by the ugliness of it all. But I guess that wouldn’t make a very good blog post, lol.

Huge hugs for you!!


Carmelo October 17, 2012 at 22:56

We’re so much freer when we’re vulnerable and can eliminate or limit our shame. Our traditions and society in general teaches us to take strong stances and to boldly declare our opinions. And i suppose there are benefits to that.

But, the problem is when we call people wishy-washy when they present all sides to something before expressing an opinion. Or, when we change our minds we often get crucified! It’s just no the “high achiever’s way!”

Like you say, we don’t need to justify our positions. In truth, we are not our opinions. We are not our reputations. We are not our possessions. These are just surface, physical things that will vanish in time. At the core, we’re all connected and above judgment and failure and shame.

A pretty good place to visit now and again, huh? ;-)
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Melody Fletcher October 19, 2012 at 13:00

Hey Carmelo,

Ah yes! I didn’t even mention that we totally have permission to change our minds (and not just women, men, too). And doing so doesn’t make us stupid. In fact, I’d say it’s kind of insane to hold on to an opinion even when it clearly no longer serves us. But of course, that’s done a lot.

Thanks for adding that bit!

Huge hugs!

Carmelo October 19, 2012 at 20:57

Hugs back! i suppose that’s why you keep us around? A little addition here and there? ;-)
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Nay October 18, 2012 at 02:09


Yes, intellectualizing things can really drag down the joy. I always thought that being able to analyze everything to the nitty gritty would make everything wonderful??? Not that I liked debating, but always felt driven to go through the whole process of figuring out the why. Now it makes very little sense, because I wasn’t doing it for fun. I was doing it to hopefully figure out how to have fun or why something wasn’t fun. So interesting and revealing to review things with a new perspective!!!

Now, sitting alone and doing something I normally enjoy with others, just to see how it feels…that could be very interesting in so many ways. Yet this just points out to me that often, many people do things with others because they ‘are’ looking for joy…looking for the fun, joy, and yes approval of those around them, so they can feel good about themselves. Yes, seeing ‘traces’ of this in my past. Maybe. 8O

Man, that need for approval is insidious!!! Now I need to sit down, with many big glasses of wine (drunken quick and dirty route), chocolates within easy reach, mounds of pillows, my favorite snuggly, and analyze my need for approval. Do you think that’s ok? :D

Yes, I am learning that joy is so much more enjoyable when you just let it happen, let it be, and go with the flow, without wondering why you feel good, or how to ‘make’ it happen, or if other approve. Such freedom when we allow in the now!

To intellectuals de-intellectualizing the analysis of intellectrualizing joy!!! :mrgreen:

Melody Fletcher October 19, 2012 at 13:03

Ha, ha, ha, Nay! We intellectuals are really our own worst enemy. That’s why I love this audience. There are so many smart people here proving society wrong and actively choosing to be happier.

And yeah, the freedom that comes with realizing that other people’s opinions truly have no power over us is immense. Like turning from a caterpillar into a butterfly. Weeeeee! :)

Huge hugs!

mopeychild October 19, 2012 at 18:25

hey, i have a question. how do you interpret ‘signs’? or am i overthinking again?
as in, you think that every event in our lives is a manifestation right?
how do we interpret the stuff tht crops up in our lives then?
for example..just yest i finally decided i was gonna eat healthy. today i cut open an orange and found a worm in it. i took a bowl of soup and found a small worm floating in it*(ick!). i even cut a guave later in the night, and there was a frikkin worm in it !
this has NEVER happened before !! no worms at all !
we are super particular about the food we bring into the house n stuff. this happened three times though. does it even mean anything? how do u interpret signs like these?

Melody Fletcher October 30, 2012 at 00:52

Hey Mopey,

Well, if it happens 3 times, something is trying to get your attention. How do these events feel to you? It’s probably not about worms and more about the emotional response you’re having. So, let’s say you’re disgusted. Is there anything else going on in your life that you’re disgusted with?

If you can’t figure it out, don’t stress about it. Just let it go. If I get a repeat of something, I do spend a few minutes trying to figure it out. If I can’t, I let it go. Often, the answer becomes clear later. Sometimes, the incident just doesn’t happen again, and I’ve cleared it without even realizing it. Relaxing about it and not taking it too seriously helps a lot. :)

Huge hugs,
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Releasing Regret – Can We Change The Past?My Profile

Dusty October 23, 2012 at 22:11

Oh com’on guys, intellectuals are really not that bad. The whole dissecting, point and counter point is all a game… Or rather a hunt. “John has been traipsing through the jungle, over mountains, looking the illusive upper hand in the conversation. He’s battle malaria twice just to get here. Through the clearing he sees it! Steadying his hand, he raises his bow and… Spears it right the center… Then nails it to Roger’s head!” In the same way we get enjoyment from sharing our experiences as a mom, friend, daughter or any other station in life so do they.

What kills it for most people is the need for more. They need more or the hunt is over. No more playing. Emotions get high, they cling to every crack and crevice in the conversation, daring you to push them off to get through to the point. Prove them wrong, make them think harder. That is their joy. It doesn’t seem like it to people who don’t hold on to the same kind of joy.

Intellectuals like to have the point nailed to their foreheads. (figuratively not literally) The fury, the passion, the soul crushing, digging deep need to win. It’s like driving one of those throaty muscle cars at top speed. You get out your legs are shaking, your muscles are tight from having control over something that could easily take you off the cliff, everything is heightened and you ride the wave of endorphins. (Cigarette anyone?)

Yes, it does become an addiction. It does makes it hard to relate to those who don’t want to feed your addiction while you feed theirs.

Even in this comment thread, there are people who are saying LOA is BS and others defending it. Each believing their point was made. Either side of the debate, it feels pretty good to make that point. What feels better (to most) is the CALM acceptance of the point.

Melody Fletcher October 30, 2012 at 00:56

Hey Dusty,

I’m an intellectual myself and I will agree – we are not that bad, lol. And I also agree that we can get a lot of pleasure from dissecting things. But when we take it too far, it can impede our happiness.

WHEN it feels good to make the point, truly good (it can feel good to defend for a while, but only because defending feels better than the fear that causes it), then dissecting and discussing and debating are awesome. But when it doesn’t, we should honor that feeling, too. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Quick LOA Questions Volume 12 – Tsunamis, Silver Linings and Fear of Dead Soul MatesMy Profile

Dusty October 31, 2012 at 15:13

“… the fear it causes”

This is an interesting idea. Usually when I get into a good debate, it can last years since science is ever evolving. I will have to look honestly at what is being said. Usually, a debate on pure thought, it is about being the king of the hill of rightness while being able to have the greats back you up.

Kenneth Vogt October 28, 2012 at 17:31

It comes down to the difference between making decisions and making choices. When you make a decision, the reasons are in charge. You have to justify your decision and your justifications are open to being questioned. But when you choose, it cannot be questioned. Was the choice available? Yes? Ok, I chose it. End of discussion. Oh, you have reasons why you would have made a different decision? That’s nice, but I made a choice not a decision, and you have a nice day!
Kenneth Vogt invites you to read..A Day Without “Because”My Profile

Melody Fletcher October 30, 2012 at 00:57

I like that Kenneth! That’s a great distinction. Thanks so much for sharing.

Huge hugs!
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Bowchicabowow, Or, It’s Time I Told You The Truth About The Birds And The BeesMy Profile

Kenneth Vogt October 30, 2012 at 01:01

And how can I not like “huge hugs”? :-)
Kenneth Vogt invites you to read..Want, Need, Desire, IntentMy Profile

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