[Coaching Call #016 has just been released. Today's topic: Getting Over A Divorce After Being Cheated On. I love this call. The client wanted some help getting over her divorce, and figuring out how she attracted a marriage that included adultery. But it encompassed so much more than that, including tons of explanation and information for those who tend to help others to the point of depleting themselves, and how to look at long term manifestations, like a marriage in terms of LOA.]
Lauren asks, “I’ve been focusing lately on raising my money vibration. I focus on being a money magnet, and being thankful for when money appears in any amount (found a dime on the sidewalk this week and immediately thanked the Universe for it!). In the article you wrote about manifesting the camelhair coat you desired, I understood the mentality of looking at it as something you ‘choose’ not to purchase right now, as opposed to something you can’t afford. My question is, how do you apply this to monthly bills such as utilities and insurance? When the bank account literally does not have the funds to pay for a necessary bill and it is long past due – what do you say to customer service reps when they call? Telling them, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford to pay this bill right now,” just reinforces your current situation right? Until the Universe does send me what I need, what do I say so that I’m not putting up any resistance towards manifesting money?”
Dear Lauren. I can totally relate to your situation. Believe it or not, there was a time in my life where bill collectors were calling not only me, but my family on a daily basis. I had massive credit card debt, huge student loans and then ended up with a large medical bill, as well. I would lie awake at night, tense and sweating and terrified that I wouldn’t be able to come up with the money for next month’s rent. On more than one occasion, I was very nearly homeless. And yes, I had family that I could’ve gone and stayed with, but I was WAY too proud for that (it was yet another limiting belief I had, that I had to prove my ability to make it, no matter how painful it got. In fact, I was actually proud of how much pain I could endure, and felt my accomplishment would somehow be worth more if I had suffered for it.) During that time, I saw very few options.
At one point, I even tried to go and sell my blood. I’d worked out that if I gave the maximum allowed amount, I could make enough money for groceries. Only, the clinic turned me away, telling me my “veins weren’t big enough” (putting the platelets back in would’ve caused damage). I laugh about that now (here I was, clean scrubbed and having never taken anything stronger than Tylenol in my life, and I wasn’t allowed to give blood while ex(?)-junkies with huge friggin veins were donating by the gallon…), but at the time, I was devastated. Every plan I had seemed to fail, and the Universe seemed to conspire against me in every possible way to make sure I wasn’t just poor, but destitute. And of course, the Universe was doing exactly that. It had no choice. That’s where my money vibration was at.
So, essentially, my point is that I get where you’re coming from. It’s painful and scary, but not hopeless, if you don’t want it to be (and clearly you don’t, or you wouldn’t be writing to me.) Here’s some emergency LOA techniques to help you shift your vibration starting today:
Focus on the bills you CAN pay
Ok, so there’s a bill you can’t pay. Perhaps there are several. But, there are also bills you CAN pay, and I’m going to bet money (ha!) that the paid bills got about 5% of your attention, while the unpayable ones got the rest of the airplay. It’s always like that – we give all of our attention to what’s not working. After all, the paid bills aren’t an issue, so why bother thinking of them anymore, right?
Well, I respectfully beg to differ. Why bother giving any attention to what’s working, rather than what’s not working? When you understand that what you focus on grows, you can ask yourself a simple question: Which kind of bills do you want more of – the payable ones or the unpayable ones? I’m going to guess that you want more of the payable kind (and who cares how many bills you have, as long as they’re all easily payable…).
So, although it’s going to seem totally counterintuitive at first, I strongly suggest that you spend MORE time focusing on the payable bills than on the nonpayable ones. What does it feel like to be able to pay a bill? Well, you’re probably relieved. That’s a good start, but being relieved is more about this bill NOT being unpayable than it being payable (“I’m relieved that I have the money to pay THIS bill” = “…unlike those other bills I can’t pay.”). So, there’s still a bit of a focus on the unwanted. But it’s still a good start because it feels a bit better.
Now, focus on the bills you can pay with appreciation. What does it feel like to focus on your ability to pay a bill? You have the money, you can cover the check you’re writing, you’re able to pay it on time. Notice how this feels. Almost certainly, there’s going to be some thought in there about those unpayable bills. Don’t worry. You’re switching gears here and it may take a little bit of practice to get all the way there.
Go more general
In order to avoid those negative thoughts and keep them from muddying up your vibration, just back off and go more general for a bit. Can you get into an attitude of general appreciation?
Start by trying to appreciate what you DO have, instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Are there things in your life that you can appreciate? Pay attention to how you feel. If this still doesn’t feel great, you’re still activating thoughts of what you don’t want. Back off some more.
Try to appreciate non-material things you have in your life. Your spouse, your children, your friendships. Now, for some people, the feeling of appreciation will be easy when it comes to their family, while for others, these thoughts will bring up feelings of obligation and more pressure. If that happens, back off some more.
Get super general – can you appreciate the sunrise? The ocean (if you’re near one)? Something in nature? A baby’s smile? A puppy’s bark? Your snuggly cat? Nature is easy to appreciate, since we rarely have any negative associations around it. Remember that the feeling is the important thing, not the topic you use to achieve that feeling. So, you can get into a feeling of appreciation by using your grandkids, and actually be lining up with more money.
Keep getting more and more general until you actually feel better and then slowly work your way back to more specifics (if you want to), until you can truly feel good about the payable bills and give them much more airtime than you give the unpayable ones. Note: this process can be done in a day or two, we’re not talking weeks or months here. It all comes down to your willingness to actually give this a try and focus.
Some action items you can do:
There are also some actions you can take that might help you achieve a better feeling around money. Keep in mind that no one can know if any of these will work for you except you – try them and see how it feels. If you feel better, lighter, less stressed, it’s working. If not, move on and try something else. But don’t dismiss the technique because it seems too easy or silly or not painful enough. Energy work isn’t painful. When you’re doing it right, it feels good and easy. You can’t know if something will work for you unless you actually try it.
Make paying your bills a game - you can sing the bill paying song or do the bill paying dance, etc. The point here is to be silly and playful and inject some fun into the whole grim subject of paying bills. You can also put smiley faces on the check or envelope, or come up with funny (positive!!) things you could put in the memo line. You may then choose not to actually write that funny thing, especially if it’s dirty (dirty is generally funny…). For example, when you pay the electric bill, you could imagine writing “Thanks for turning me on” in the memo line (anyone? Anyone? Is this thing on?). The point is for you to lighten up about this whole bill paying thing. Because guess what? If you have enough money to pay all your bills, it’s just not that big a deal anymore.
I used this technique to get myself out of debt, without even knowing it. I was making mostly cash in those days, and so I made an envelope for each bill I had to pay, including some for gas and groceries, etc. As soon as I got some money, I’d stuff it into one of the envelopes. I’d pay the necessities first and then move on to other stuff. I even had a small budget for “fun money”. It wasn’t much, maybe $40/month, but it made me feel good to be able to put money in there. Each time I’d “fill up” an envelope, i.e., each time I put enough money in there to cover that bill, I’d rejoice. I’d dance around a bit, put a cute sticker on the envelope, even cover it in kisses (no tongue, I swear). I was, without even understanding LOA, putting MORE attention on the bills I could pay, as I could pay them, than on the ones I couldn’t pay. I instinctively understood that focusing on the unpayable bills didn’t help; plus, it hurt like hell.
Appreciate the benefits of what you’re paying for - This goes along with appreciating being able to pay the bill. What exactly are you paying for? If you’re paying the electric bill, instead of thinking what a bunch of greedy bastards they are, you could look at what that electricity actually gives you. You have light, heat, a/c. You can cook your meals, keep your perishables cold, and play that Zombie game on your computer. Your TV runs on electricity. So does your curling iron, your iPod charger, and your stereo. The point is, you’re getting a lot of wanted stuff by paying that bill. Why not appreciate it all? It’ll help you to feel much better about paying the bill itself.
Be proactive when dealing with creditors - I learned this one the hard way, but it was a very valuable lesson. If you can’t pay a bill, instead of lying awake at night worrying about it, and wondering when they’re going to start harassing you, be proactive. Don’t wait for them to react to your missing check, reach out to them first. I remember, I demonized the collections agents, and I had good “reason”. They were mean, they called at all hours, they yelled at me and my family. I was afraid of them. And then one day, I had a shift. I asked the collection agent why he was being so mean to me. He stopped dead in his tracks, changed his tone of voice completely and stuttered that he wasn’t being mean. He had simply been assuming that I was lying, just like “everyone else” he dealt with on a daily basis. He was in defensive mode. And of course he was. He was calling people who had already missed a payment or twenty.
That conversation actually turned out to be very pleasant. I was able to set up a payment plan of $10/month until I could pay more. And, I got some very valuable advice from him: If you can’t pay a bill, call the creditor up and tell them. They will generally accept a ridiculously low payment of $10 or so, rather than get nothing at all. If you call them first, they are much more likely to believe you. They won’t be defensive, they’ll be appreciative. You’re demonstrating your willingness to pay and they will cut you a deal.
From an energy point of view, it takes a very different mindset to reach out to your creditors and deal with them more as partners, than to see them as your evil adversary who is trying to keep you in the poorhouse. They’re not evil. They just want the money you, at some point, agreed to pay them (let’s be honest, here, they don’t just come at you out of the blue. There was a transaction at some point). And it’s not their fault if you had bad luck of some kind. Expect them to be reasonable. Negotiate a lower payment for a while until you get back on your feet. That will take a lot of the pressure off (suddenly, it all seems doable again), which will help a great deal with your vibration. You’ll feel a lot better and hope will return.
And saying “I can’t pay this bill right now”, doesn’t lower your vibration any more. That’s how you feel – it’s your truth right now. Admitting it and saying it out loud doesn’t make it worse somehow. It may actually bring relief. Denial is a hell of a lot more painful than the truth. But, there’s a big difference between saying that you can’t pay a bill and feeling hopeless about it, and saying you can’t pay it and looking for a solution. Reaching out to your creditors and seeing what kind of a reprieve you can get or deal you can cut doesn’t feel hopeless at all. It gives you a sense of control, like you can actually make this work somehow.
I used this proactive approach to get a 50% discount on my medical bills. First, I had negotiated a smaller payment because I wasn’t able to pay more. When I got a new job a few months later, I had an influx of cash. Instead of continuing with the payments, I decided to ask how much they’d want if I could just cut them a check right then. They cut my bill in half and I was out of dept that day. Creditors aren’t evil. They just want their money. And they’ll generally take less than none at all. Also, remember that it costs them money to send a bill to a collections agency. If you reach out to them first, you’re giving them a reason not to do that. They will work with you if you’re proactive.
Try not to focus too much on what you should or shouldn’t do and pay more attention to how you feel. Wondering if the words you’re using are going to give the Universe the wrong impression means that you’re not really yet understanding the process. The words you use are largely irrelevant. How you actually feel is important. So, ask yourself, are the words you’re using making you feel better or worse? If you feel better, you’re on the right track. The Universe knows what you want and is trying to give it to you. You don’t have to worry about making it understand. It’s your job to line up with what you want, period.
The following blog posts also deal with the subject of money:
Becoming a Money Magnet – How To Make Money Your Bitch (Make sure you read the comments in this one. Hint: There’s rapping.)
Now it’s your turn: What techniques have you used to feel better about money and paying bills? Share in the comments so everyone can benefit!