Can you manifest experiences with a specific person?
Awesome Victoria asks: “My question is regarding relationships. I understand that we can’t create someone else’s frequency, so we can’t want them to fall in love with us. But, does the Law of Attraction work if what we want and focus on is to have lots of positive experiences with that person? If we want lots of opportunities to get to know each other better? And then live it up to life if love happens or not?”
This depends quite a bit on what stage of the relationship you’re at.
Let’s say that you see a man at the coffee shop each morning and you’d like to get to know him better. Could you focus on getting to know him, visualize him hanging out with you, etc? Yes. But it would only manifest if this particular man was actually a match to hanging out with you. My advice, in that case, would be to go ahead and visualize meeting this man, but see him as a placeholder for the match, who may or may not be this particular man. In other words, focus on how the experience of hanging out would feel and don’t get too attached to this one guy.
But let’s say that you already know this man and can feel a resonance there. So, there’s already obviously a kind of match. In that case, it would be more likely that you could manifest more meetings with him.
In either case, though, I would always caution that it’s best to focus on the feeling of what you want (why do you want to hang out with this guy…) and not get too locked into the guy himself. Let the experiences play out perfectly and pay attention to what’s being mirrored back to you. If you see something that you like, focus on why you like it and let the universe bring you more of it, instead of defining that it must come in a certain way (THIS guy has to hang out with you). That way, if the guy is secretly a jerk and wouldn’t actually be that fun to hang out with, you never have to experience that side of him. The Universe will simply never let you get close enough to figure it out.
Can you get a second chance?
Awesome Kat asks: “If the Universe gives you situation A without you looking or working for it at all, but you choose another route of B, because that’s what you wanted since you were 4. On path B you have a blast, with much partying, dating, friendships, trips domestically and abroad, a dream social life never experienced before. Generally, a grand old time considered legendary.
The aftermath leads to bad jobs you must get the heck out of because they and their respective environments do not resonate with you. Along the way, you realize that A suited you well in the first place. It would have brought you a sure thing and the overall lifestyle you want.
The problem now is that you will need to convince others about this and you will be probed about the lost time in between, because with the powers that be here in physical, it’s considered wasted time.
Does this concept fly with LOA and could there be another chance granted that will go smoothly?”
There’s a big, false belief apparent in this question, and it’s this: The idea that you can make a mistake, that you made the wrong decision and “wasted time” and went off your path somehow. You can’t get off your path. Think of it this way: When you come to a fork in the road, you think one will take you in the right direction and one will take you in the wrong direction, only, both of them will take you to your goal. And I can’t even say that one will offer a smoother ride than the other, because there’s no way of knowing that.
You have no idea what Choice A would’ve really been like. You have no idea if you’d have been happy or not. Perhaps it would’ve been boring as hell for you. Or, perhaps Choice B offered you a faster opportunity for growth, which many of us prefer even if it’s generally more uncomfortable.
No, you don’t get second chances. That’s because you never blew your first chance to begin with. You can’t get this wrong. You didn’t make a mistake. You chose the road that looked best to you at the time. And if you had a lot of fun with it, it was not the wrong road.
There’s another false belief in all this: The idea that having fun is a waste of time. That’s a bunch of BS, too.
The truth is that both Choices A and B included many wanted experiences for you. You chose one and went with it. And it was fun for a long time. Then, after a while, you realized that you wanted more. Choice A wouldn’t have been any different. You would’ve had stability and security, but after some time, the remaining desires that it didn’t yet cover would’ve come up, too and you would now be lamenting that you should’ve chosen B. And yet, you now know more of what you want and can define it better than you ever could have. Focus on that.
You are not the same person you were when you made the choice. And the choices that are available to you now have changed. Focus on what you want now, considering everything you’ve experienced and learned. Don’t see Choice B as wrong. Incorporate what you liked about that experience into what you want now. The experiences you’ve had so far are part of who you are and have caused you to grow and expand.
You haven’t wasted any time. You’ve lived and experienced and expanded. You’re now closer to who you really are than you’ve ever been. You have more clarity than you’ve ever had. If your goal had been to be a mindless cog in the machine, then yes, you’d have wasted time. But if your goal is to be who you really are and shine as brightly in each moment as you can allow, then you’ve done very, very well.
Why do I keep sabotaging my relationships?
Awesome Dudette asks: “I was writing because I have a question regarding a relationship (shocker!). There is a guy who I have a strong connection with, who I attracted to me. However, after spending time together & getting close, he told me he had the same feelings for me. This should be time for great celebration, but I pulled away from him. I stopped feeling good about him, started projecting negative thought energy towards him until he stopped making an effort to contact me. I want to be in contact with him, I want to continue what we started, but when I think of him, see his face/name pop up on social media sites, I become afraid. Why am I pushing away what I want, even making it look undesirable and “bad”? (I’ve even started to think of him as a cold, distant jerk when I’m the guilty party) How do I change this behavior in myself so I stop doing this with people? (He’s not the only person I’ve pushed away with my thought energy).”
Self-sabotaging behavior comes from fear. You clearly have a belief that if you actually got what you wanted – a loving, connected, authentic relationship – it would be more painful than what you have now. And your reptilian brain is always going to protect you from what it perceives as harm. So, as you get closer to what you want, you feel more and more threatened and your defense mechanisms get triggered. That’s when you push guys away. Then, when he’s gone, you feel safe again. But you also feel free to realize your desire again.
There’s no generic answer I can give you that will solve this for you. You could have a belief that you are not worthy of love, or that you’re not good enough, or that men always end up hurting women, or, or, or. The list is endless. This is what I help clients with in my 1 on 1 coaching sessions. But here’s a very basic exercise that you can do that may help (not all exercises work for everyone, but it’s a start):
Think of the guy you like. Now, visualize yourself being in a relationship with him. You’ve gotten together, the goal has been accomplished. Now, let your mind flow freely (basically, daydream) and see what comes up. See your life together. Let it all feel natural.
Your vibration will inform your fantasy unless you deliberately guide it. See what happens. Do you get into fights? Does he treat you well? Let the negative images come out along with the positive ones. Your fear will be mirrored in your visualization, and if you pay attention, you’ll be able to spot clues as to what it is.
For example, let’s say that you see yourself married, but in your free-form visualization your husband cheats on you. If you dug down into the feelings of this event, you might realize that you’re afraid of being abandoned. Or, it could tell you that you have an expectation of being rejected for someone better (who did he cheat with?), which would point of beliefs of unworthiness.
Let your visualization show you what’s going on in your vibration. It’s quite uncanny, but it totally works.
Now it’s your turn: Did any of these questions resonate with you? Share your own experience for the benefit of everyone in the comments below.