Are Band Aid Solutions Ok, or Do You Always Have to Find the Root Cause?

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by Melody Fletcher on July 12, 2012

 

I’m honored to have been interviewed by Sylivane Nuccio on her blog Understanding Your Subconscious Mind. If you’d like to check it out, you can do so here.

Alice asks: “If you just found a way to feel better, would it just be a band aid solution? Or do you have to always find the root or reason to cure the problem? Does why we were in the situation matter, if we can feel better regardless? Or does this put us at risk of repeating history in the future?”

Here’s my answer:

As long as you truly feel better, and aren’t just pretending to, you’re moving in the right direction.

What is a band aid solution exactly?

If you go to the doctor and he gives you some pain meds, but doesn’t address the underlying cause of the pain, that’s a band aid solution. But to me, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. That band aid solution may well make it possible for you to address the underlying cause, because it allows you to focus (it’s much harder to focus when you’re in pain). So, I would only ever caution against thinking that you’re done once the band aid solution is in place. If an infection is causing the pain, then just taking the painkillers will allow it to keep festering. You’d want to keep looking for the cause and then treat it, even after taking them. But the painkillers themselves offer relief and that’s not a bad thing, either.

Notice that I always advise people to find a way to feel better. And then find a way to feel even better, etc. I advise continuing the journey up the ladder. If you do that, band aid solutions will be useful stepping stones along the path, or rungs on the ladder. Oftentimes, if you try to go for the root of the problem right away, you are attempting a quantum leap.

Go higher to get a better perspective

For example, if I’m feeling really sad (on the very upper range of depression), I’m not in a very high vibrational place in that moment. Since higher vibrations come with clarity (like having a better view from the mountain top than you do down in the valley), lower vibrations are marked by a lack of clarity. This makes being in a lower vibration all the more frustrating. I’m feeling bad, and I’m not even sure why. So the mind, which wants to fix this issue, is stumped and racing around trying to find the answer it can’t see in that very moment. So, looking for a root cause while in a negative emotional space is like trying to see the Grand Canyon while standing in Times Square. It’s just impossible. I have to get a larger perspective and in order to do that, I have to go higher.

If I make it a goal to simply feel better, using any subject, even and especially those not related to the one that’s making me sad, then I am raising my vibration. I am not only going to actually feel better, but eventually, I’ll have risen high enough – I’ll have enough perspective – to be able to figure out WHAT caused the sadness.

Having help vs. going it alone

This is a little different than working with a coach. When I coach people, I stay in a high vibrational place and from that vantage point, I can see the root cause of their issue, even when they can’t and guide them back up to a better feeling place. That’s the value of working with a coach. But if you are doing this yourself, and that’s absolutely possible, then it’s much better to simply focus on feeling better and get some vibrational altitude, if you will, before trying to figure out the root cause.

Continuing on with the example above, here’s what I do (and incidentally, this is exactly what I do when I’ve been triggered by something):

  1. I go and take a nap. This helps to break the momentum of the energy I have going and helps to redirect me into a better feeling place. I am a champion nap taker.
  2. I go for a walk or to the gym and have a nice run. I’ve found that physical activity really helps me to feel better. Also, if there’s any anger to be let out, even when I’m not aware of it, intense physical activity really helps to dissipate it.
  3. I meditate. This gives me access to higher vibrations, as discussed above. (Note: In this case, I do not engage in active meditation. I don’t try to find the answers. My only goal is to feel better.)
  4. And only once I feel better, do I redirect my focus to whatever made me sad. Or, if I don’t know what made me sad, I redirect to my attention to the feeling and what happened before it came up.

When I follow this method of distraction and redirection before trying to “fix” anything, I allow myself to feel better as quickly as possible. I don’t make feeling better contingent on figuring out the original problem.

History doesn’t have to repeat itself

And then, from my higher vibrational standpoint, I’m always able to figure out what the original thought was and I’m then able to go about shifting it so that I don’t get triggered in the same way again. When the trigger has been disarmed, and it doesn’t matter to me if it happens again or not, then history will not repeat itself.

Is there a faster way?

Do I always have to follow this pattern? In principle, yes. But I’ve had so much practice doing this that I often don’t need to actually take these actions in order to go through the steps. Unless I’ve been triggered in a BIG way, I’m often able to redirect my focus in such a way that I’m able to figure out the cause in minutes or even seconds. Make no mistake, however, I still have to find a higher vibration first in order to get that clarity. I’m just really fast at it, which comes from doing this deliberately over and over and over again.

What about you? What do you do when you’ve been triggered? How do you find your center again when something has made you angry, pissed off, sad or even depressed? Share your experiences in the comments!

 

 

{ 75 comments }

aylin July 12, 2012 at 18:49

I’ve been watching documentaries on National Geographic Channel about Bing Bang or animals etc.It helps me to feel relieved for a while.:)

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 19:20

Hey Aylin,

That’s excellent. It’s a very general topic so very unlikely to trigger any resistance. Great distraction method! :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Nay July 12, 2012 at 19:13

Hi Melody,
Like you said, physical activity is a great one for feeling better. Sometimes I find something entertaining to read. I’m learning that getting your mind on something else can stop the downward spiral. The hardest part is figuring out what the trigger was, then making it sure it doesn’t trigger again.

Nay

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 19:21

Hey Nay,

It becomes a lot easier to find that trigger if you raise your vibration first. I also find that writing it out helps me to see patterns. I’m a huge believer in the good old journal.

:)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Regina July 12, 2012 at 20:04

This reminds me the difference between psychodynamic counselling versus CBT type therapies. First one makes you feel like shit for a long time but then sorts you out for good. The second sorts your current issue out quick but there is a good chance you will relapse when something similar happens. I sort of decided to practice LOA as best as I could while receiving psychodynamic therapy so I can keep my head up and gain clarity at the same time. And you are right when you practice LOA the gaining clarity bit comes faster, easier and in a less painful way… I am a counsellor myself and I am thinking of ways to actually integrate the two, that could be quite revolutionary!

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 23:06

Hey Regina,

It sounds like combining the two would be the way to go, yes. A holistic approach. :) It doesn’t have to take a long time or be horrifically painful to get lasting results. But… it is beneficial to feel better first and then go back and clean it up. I always love it when psychiatrists and therapists bring LOA into their practices and/or confirm that they are already using similar techniques with great success. This stuff works and it doesn’t matter what one calls it (positive psychology is making some great headway). Isn’t it great how mainstream this is all becoming? Yay!

Huge hugs for you!!!

Melody
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Alice July 13, 2012 at 03:33

Wow Melody, this sounds facinating!
That would really benefit psychology as many therapists focus on the problem and the negativity and people see them for years. (how many times can you use AND in a sentence?) If they used more positive methods and LOA it might change my mind on psychology. So far I’m not impressed by the industry.
I’ve heard of “core trauma” therapy which sounds like the psych version of finding the root cause. I like the idea of finding the root cause because a) It’s just plain intriguing b) it stops the “relapses” of similar instances branching from the same root.

I wonder how many “issues” a person has, and if 100 issues really boiled down to 5 core issues/roots/resistance?

Using your coaching method people could clear up multiple problems by addressing the source problem. That would be an amazing step in human evolution.

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:08

Hey Alice,

While traditional psychotherapy is lagging woefully behind, there are some wonderful breakthroughs being made. Keep in mind that they don’t just get to try anything out. Methods have to be tested and proved, and that not only takes time, but requires that the people involved are a match to these techniques working in their presence. Remember that in coaching and therapy it’s all about timing, when to say what, and allowing the person to get there emotionally, not just intellectually. I believe the answer ultimately doesn’t lie so much in developing techniques (tools are great but you have to know when and how to use them), but in therapists using their intuition more.

I personally know several therapists that work this way and they get awesome results. They may not publicly acknowledge that they are working with energy, but they are and they know it. A lot of the new techniques being developed now are really ways to explain and try to mainstream some of the energy work that’s been going on for years. Most therapists are people with a deep desire and strong intentions to help others and they are being led to their answers in their own way.

So, perhaps Regina will be inspired to develop a whole new way of approaching therapy, one that others can then find and use to achieve ever better results.

We have an infinite number of “issues”, because as we grow, we continue to release the lowest of our vibrations. So, the happy thoughts you are having today may well become the most negative thoughts you have access to a few years from now (because, relatively speaking, the highest thoughts you have access to are SO much better). But, as we rise, the issues become more and more subtle. So, you may still be releasing unworthiness, but instead of it being pure self-loathing, it’ll be the teensiest of changes. Some fine tuning, instead of big, huge releases.

Also, something I and a couple of my friends noticed, we seem to be going after vibrations that we are a match to, but which are also deeply anchored in our families or even beyond. By shifting them within ourselves, we actually shift them in that larger arena. I found this out by mistake when I was in ceremony one night and went through hell. I knew what I was releasing, but I hadn’t expected it to be so big. It turns out that I shifted my family’s energy that night, not just mine. Two of my family members felt the shift during the night (they didn’t know what I was doing, so it kind of freaked them out). Now, the challenge has become figuring out how to do that without having to feel the enormity of the shift (eliminate the suffering, basically).

We’ve all become a match to this because we all have powerful intentions to help heal the world. In other words, this is not part of everyone’s path. It’s voluntary. But the point is that there is no limit to what we can do, or where we can take this. There’s also no limit to the amount of joy you can feel. We never get it done. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

anny July 12, 2012 at 20:31

Hi Melody,

I recently found out that it is a good idea to take some action when you feel triggered by something and find out if there is actually something to get triggered about.

I used to just push it down as it were and rehash it from time to time and feel thoroughly miserable doing that. Reacting in any way whatever was not my thing. Last week however, when I got triggered by something somebody said I just sat back and looked at it from a distance as it were to enable me to address the matter quietly and from a positive frame of mind. I just asked the person politely why he said what he said and if I had done anything that could have given rise to what he said. He proved to be very surprised and apologetic and it appeared that he had not meant to say what I thought he had said. It had had nothing to do with me at all. I had read something into it that was not there. After that we had quite an amicable discussion about how often such a thing happens and how many things are open to more than one interpretation. So we stopped the process before it had even started and finished our discussion in a very friendly way.

Love,

Anny

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 23:08

BRAVO Anny!!! Well done! You shifted your perspective enough (you got distance) to be able to allow for a different point of view. And then, blammo, that manifested. How awesome is that!! :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

Melody
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aylin July 12, 2012 at 21:01

I also keep gratitude journals for every 21 days.And at the 21st day always something good or beautiful unexpected happened to me.However bad my day was I wrote simple small things and that really shifted my focus to good things.I recommend keeping that journals to everyone interested.I’m sure it will be a great experience.But nowadays I don’t keep it and my focus can change easily,I guess I should go on writing again.:):) Hugs to everyone :)

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 23:10

Thanks so much for sharing that Aylin. I often advise people to start a gratitude journal (or make lists of things they appreciate). It’s a very powerful exercise. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore but it always amazes me just how much of a shift someone can make in just a week, when all they did was spend 5-10 minutes a day making a gratitude list. Truly remarkable. I haven’t done it in a while myself. Time to get back to it! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Sylviane Nuccio July 12, 2012 at 21:39

Hi Melody,

First off thank you so much for your introduction here :) :)

When I was little, a place where I could find a way to escape from anxiiety and other negative feelings was under water. You see, under water the world is totally different. You can’t hear anything and it’s really like another world. Of course you can stay so long under water, but I would do it over and over and come out when I couldn’t breath anymore.

Interestingly, like you, sleeping helps be quite a bit as well as running in the park. For me running has to be in a park, the gym doesn’t do anything for me :)

I usually mediate in the evening due to my busy schedule and when my mind gets too busy I do the band aid thing by just trying to visualize my head empty of any thought. That really helps me to get rid of the source of anxiety.

Thanks for those very clear steps to follow, Melody :)
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Jennifer B. July 12, 2012 at 22:57

I enjoyed reading your interview with Melody! Nice blog.

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 23:14

You’re so very welcome Sylviane!

I love being underwater! Like you, I appreciate the quiet. I don’t know why I’ve never learned to dive. I think I’d love it.

I would love to run in the park, but alas, I live in the center of the city (no park near me), AND it’s far too hot to run in the street now, unless I want to get up at 6 (I most certainly do not) or run at midnight (um, nah). So, gym it is. But I often visualize myself running in the woods when I’m on the treadmill. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 13, 2012 at 03:40

You manifested no park. BAM! lol ;-)

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 12:55

Yep. Didn’t realize that I wanted one until very recently. That’s how life works. We go through life and create desires. I’m sure my next place will be close to a park or the woods or have some way of giving me that experience. :)

Alice July 14, 2012 at 07:19

:-) I’m just being silly. They have woods in Barcelona?

Melody Fletcher July 16, 2012 at 20:45

Nope. No woods here. But my next place may not be here. I’m focusing on what I want and leaving the rest up to LOA. :)
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Jennifer B. July 12, 2012 at 23:01

I love comedy, particularly stand-up, so if I’ve been triggered in my car I’ll switch to a comedy station and if I’m at home I’ll find a performance on t.v. or put in a dvd. Even at work I can watch YouTube clips of comedy if I need to.
I’m also a big nap fan, and like Sylviane above, I love being underwater too. As a child I spent a lot of time ‘swimming’ in my bath tub with my face underwater when I couldn’t get to a proper pool :-)

Melody Fletcher July 12, 2012 at 23:17

Hey Jennifer,

I love stand up comedy, too! Now that’s a wonderful distraction. Yay!

And I used to do the same thing. I’d lie in the tub, underwater and just soak in the silence. It was often the only place where I could get some privacy and alone time. I’d spend hours in that tub… :P

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 13, 2012 at 03:43

I love all the water comments. For me being in water is the closest thing a human can get to flying. Your body touches nothing and you can float underneath and feel weightless.
I would love to be able to breathe underwater.

Kat July 13, 2012 at 03:48

Great post! Music videos from the 80s and 90s on YouTube are my thing. This was when I was growing up. Music was really cool then and all the songs remind me of happy times when I was in the vortex. This reminds me of things I did to get in the vortex and stay there. I had practiced LOA by default

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:10

Hey Kat,

That’s awesome! And most people practice LOA by default. There are a lot of people out there who are happy and living great lives and are “doing it right” from a deliberate receiver’s point of view, but have never read an LOA book. They just decided to feel good. That’s really all it takes. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Not Alice :-D July 13, 2012 at 03:55

Dear Melody,

What a genius that “Alice” is to ask such a super question! ;-) :-) :-) (good winks come in threes)
You answered it really well. :-D

I had no idea getting to the root of something, was what a a “quantum leap” was. Aha! Your site doesn’t have a glossary of terminology! Lightbulb!

“lower vibrations are marked by a lack of clarity. This makes being in a lower vibration all the more frustrating. I’m feeling bad, and I’m not even sure why. So the mind, which wants to fix this issue, is stumped and racing around trying to find the answer it can’t see in that very moment. So, looking for a root cause while in a negative emotional space is like trying to see the Grand Canyon while standing in Times Square. It’s just impossible. I have to get a larger perspective and in order to do that, I have to go higher.”

Excellent analogies! I can picture it better in my mind now and understand the value of the band aid.
This should be on billboards. Most people always try heroically to solve their problems . They do it while they are feeling bad in hopes solving it will make them feel better.

It’s a hard concept to get my mind around as it automatically zooms in on the pressing situation and screams “you gotta do something about this”
But that’s not a better feeling place.

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:14

Hey Alice,

A quantum leap is a HUGE shift in energy. If you were to try to go from “I hate myself” to “I love myself” (the true emotions of those, not just the words), that would be a quantum leap. Often, when we are focused on a problem, finding the solution represents a quantum leap in that moment. We have to raise our vibration first and and then find the frequency of the solution. It will be very different from the problem.

Yep, that’s the challenge. We all want to stay focused on what’s wrong. We’ve been trained to do that, even though it really doesn’t work very well and never has. But we didn’t know that there was an alternative. So now that we do, we just have to practice this new way of reacting. It’ll become much more natural and automatic with time. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Alice July 13, 2012 at 04:18

Now I remember where I was going with this!
I have also read “The Power” which is very similar to your “Deliberate Receiving” book. Rhonda Byrne wrote it years after writing “the secret” and it’s a HUGE improvement. She’s learnt so much since she first started on her LOA journey and created “The Secret.”
“The power” lacks the BS and sorts out the misconceptions of the first book. She focuses more on people FEELING rather than the first book that focused on what they were THINKING.
She uses the word “energy” instead of “vibration” and “love” instead of “who we really are” it’s just semantics but she does a great job in that book and it seems she went from 85% getting it to almost 100%

Why I mention someone else and their LOA product on your site is because she doesn’t talk about resistance. (she does mention doubt)
You have a unique feature of explaining resistance as a reason for our manifestations not working or getting the opposite of what you want.

With the band aid solution (I’m struggling to articulate/verbalize the profound point that came to me) a higher feeling place could raise resistance. How do we know when we shifted resistance and it is safely removed?

That is not really what I’m trying to say but I hope it makes sense what I’m getting at.

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:18

You can tell that you’ve actually shifted your energy by two things:

1.) You feel better. This is a great indicator. But if the shift was more subtle, or if the problem has been with you for a long time and you don’t notice the discomfort of it anymore, it can be a bit hard to detect.

2.) Your physical manifestations. If you’ve made a change in your thinking, but see no change in your reality in the coming days or even weeks, then you haven’t actually made a shift. This is always the case. If nothing changes, you haven’t shifted. It’s a reliable indicator. BTW – feeling better would be considered a change, yes, but it won’t stay the only one if you’ve actually changed your vibration.

The higher feeling place will allow you to become more aware of resistance, but also to release it. You will gain the clarity needed to make that happen.

Did that answer your question?

Huge hugs,
Melody

Alice July 14, 2012 at 05:48

I’m not getting the clarity. I’m not getting the releasing bit. I then have things just repeat and slip down the ladder.

Melody Fletcher July 14, 2012 at 23:23

You’re in the middle of it right now Alice. You’re gathering massive amounts of information, really inundating yourself with it and the time will come to put it into action. Don’t expect it to happen all at once. You are getting it, you’re just not “done”. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Victor July 13, 2012 at 05:46

Melody,

Thanks for your suggestions here. I really liked them! Thanks for all you do to change lives for the better! :)
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Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:19

Thanks so much Victor! :)

Huge hugs,
Melody

Derrek July 13, 2012 at 08:15

For me it’s movie and TV. If you’re a champion nap-taker, I’m a champion TV-watcher, in the sense that I can watch next to about anything that’s on TV! It’s the fastest mode of relief, it takes my mind off a problem / challenge, and when a show or movie is done I get off the couch feeling great. The best kind of TV-relief comes in the form of comedies (30 Rock, Family Guy, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, etc).

Note, I usually tend to navigate towards lighthearted shows if I need to take my mind off something. There’s really no point in popping in Schindler’s List when you’re feeling down…unless you wanna’ get fullblown Grade-A depression afterwards. Also, “extreme” movies aren’t recommended. Movies with too much nudity will arouse you and movies with too much violence will get you charged-up. They’re good when you’re feeling good, but watching these when you’re down will lead to, how do I put this nicely, f**ked-up emotions. Not good.

Give me a good show anytime and I’ll feel better. Give me a good show when I’m a lil’ down and I’ll get back up feeling great. Works every time.

Melody Fletcher July 13, 2012 at 13:22

Hey Derrek,

I love to watch silly comedies. I’m actually catching up on 30 Rock right now. A couple of episodes a night. :) When I read a book (for pleasure) or watch a movie or TV show, I just want to be entertained. I want to just be reactive and not guide my thoughts and I have to make sure that what I’m reacting to will make me feel good. I spend all day in deep thought, it’s nice to just switch off the old noodle for a bit. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Derrek July 14, 2012 at 19:19

Definitely. It’s always good to just turn off the thinker and get lost in a TV show. I highly recommend It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Note, it’s not for the easily offended and a major NO-NO for those who have matured into real adults. That’s why I’m recommending it to you. ;)

Seriously though, I only recommend it to those with a great sense of humor. It’s the funniest thing I watch on TV these days. It’s offensive, rude, but in a way that’s silly and stupid and a whole lot of fun. Check it out sometime. And if it’s not your cup of tea, well then, you seriously need to tell the waiter that your cup belongs to someone else. Because no one likes a tea-swapper let me tell ya’. It’s one thing to swap coffee but tea…oh, the wrath these waiters shall face when a cup of tea goes astray. Hell hath no fury like a tea-orderer scorned.

What were we talking about again?

Melody Fletcher July 14, 2012 at 23:14

Thanks for the tip Derrek! I will definitely check it out.

Why do I suddenly want tea? Huh…
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shbni July 15, 2012 at 12:00

Hell hath no fury like a tea-orderer scorned.—-> this is ‘lol’ funny :D

Vidya Sury July 14, 2012 at 08:17

I enjoyed reading this post especially because I’ve been experiencing some major overwhelm. I KNOW I’ll overcome it because obviously it is just a work spike, but going through it is not easy. When I kind of took stock of how I was screwing myself up by sleeping v late and waking up v early to make everyone else happy (yeah, my problem with saying “no” but we won’t disturb that hornet’s nest right now :-) ) – I realized I had to shake up my pattern, even if it was temporary.

Generally, physical activity and a music playlist accompanying some serious deep cleaning does it for me. But when I am not in the mood to do that, I just take off for a walk with my camera. The camera is important because it puts my mind in a different mode altogether, as in noticing all kinds of minute details. It opens up a whole new universe and I enjoy the absorption that comes with it. Since I am practiced at this, I also know it will energize me. The photography fuels my creativity with writing, blogging and creating memories that are always wonderful to see again. You see, I’ve got sunshine on tap. ;-)

Occasionally meditation helps, but I am not very accomplished at blanking out my mind. And I know meditation is not about sneakily thinking what to make for dinner.

Finally, the one thing that is guaranteed to show me the silver lining or the solution, as the case may be, is simply sleeping over it. I am ALWAYS amazed at how things look better in the morning ;-) They do. And as my Uncle is fond of saying (not that I always agree with him) “There is nothing so bad that it cannot get worse”.

You’ve got to be one of my favorite writers. Your clarity of thought is just superb, for me. I’ve realized that even when we know many things, reading about them makes us think, take stock, and improve ourselves. Always.

With a billion happy shiny puppy hugs, I am off to Sylvaine’s now to continue my enjoyment of reading your words.

Love, Vidya
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Melody Fletcher July 14, 2012 at 23:18

Hey Vidya,

First, thank you so much for your wonderful words! I love your blog as well. And I always enjoy your pictures, which is why it’s no surprise that your camera is a great outlet for you. I love how you described how focusing like that takes you to a higher vibration. You are literally looking for beautiful or interesting things. How could it not?

I use sleeping as well. Often just a nap, or if it’s big, I just leave it for the next day. It does always feel so much better.

Sending you a gajillion puppy hugs! Yeah… I’m competitive like that. A sea of puppy hugs. How great would that be?? :)

Melody
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naomi July 14, 2012 at 12:55

Einstein: “you cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it…” I have learnt to take responsibility. I can pretty quickly now, recognise that I’m a co-creator of the situation, even if its unconsciously. Objective observation is also great <3

Melody Fletcher July 14, 2012 at 23:19

That’s great Naomi. And Einstein totally had it right. He was spouting a lot of LOA back then. :)

Great for you! Isn’t it empowering when you realize that you really are in charge of your experience?

Huge hugs,
Melody

Paige | simple mindfulness July 14, 2012 at 19:04

Thanks again for boiling down something that can seem so complex into the simplicity that it truly is.

Yoga with a little meditation are my escapes to get my head and heart back in a good place. I’ve been practicing the same sequence of poses for years and keep thinking that I should change them up a bit. But once I’m on the mat, my mind relishes not having to think about the sequence of poses so it can float and open me up to new perspectives and ideas. My practice energizes, relaxes and opens me up physically and emotionally. After reading this post, now I understand a bit more about why it works.

You’re awesome! Big, Big Hugs!!!
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Melody Fletcher July 14, 2012 at 23:21

Thanks so much Paige! I do my best *blush*

Yoga is a fantastic distraction and it can easily put people in a meditative state. So, it packs a real punch, but only if you enjoy it, which you clearly do. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

Melody

Penny July 15, 2012 at 00:45

“And then, from my higher vibrational standpoint, I’m always able to figure out what the original thought was and I’m then able to go about shifting it so that I don’t get triggered in the same way again. When the trigger has been disarmed, and it doesn’t matter to me if it happens again or not, then history will not repeat itself.”

Could you elaborate on how to disarm a trigger? I’m not sure I fully understand what it means to shift a thought and disarm a trigger. Thanks. I am so glad I found your blog. I love your real life practical advice!

Melody Fletcher July 15, 2012 at 18:56

Hey Penny,

Disarming the trigger means figuring out what thought ACTUALLY caused the emotional reaction, and then shifting your perspective on that thought so that you get a different emotional reaction.

Perhaps I should write a post detailing this. In the meantime, here’s one example of how to dig down and figure out what the real trigger was and how to shift it:

http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/03/18/can-i-use-loa-to-get-my-husband-to-take-out-the-trash/

Oh, also, the coaching calls inside the membership site show these kinds of shifts in nitty gritty detail using real life problems.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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anny July 15, 2012 at 16:29

Hi Melody,

I just checked John Cali’s blog and watched the video he included in his blog. I think the subject somewhat touches this post of yours. It kind of puts things in another perspective. I loved it and had actually tumbled to the same conclusion myself a few days ago. You should check it out in case you have not done so yet.

http://www.greatwesternpublishing.org/spirits-friday-frolics-a-parting-shot-by-john-cali/

Love,

Anny

Melody Fletcher July 15, 2012 at 18:58

Hey Anny,

I’m a huge fan of John Cali, actually, so good call. :)

I actually interviewed him on this site. You can check out the recording of it here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/02/26/a-chat-with-john-cali-on-channeling-manifesting-and-2012/

Huge hugs!
Melody

anny July 15, 2012 at 19:30

Hi Melody,

I know. That is how I found you, remember? I did hear the recording but I was planning to listen to it once more so it saves me to have to look for it. Thanks.

Anny

Melody Fletcher July 15, 2012 at 19:48

Ahahahaha! How perfect is that??

Sorry, I did forget about that. Oopsy. Enjoy anyway. :)

Katy July 17, 2012 at 11:05

I agree with you, there is a place for short term relief for whatever concerns us. However, we should never be contented with those temporary solutions and try to go down to the bottom of everything to be able to formulate a long-term and hopefully, permanent solution.
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Melody Fletcher July 18, 2012 at 17:12

Hey Katy,

Totally agreed. That’s exactly the point I was making here. :)

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Alice July 26, 2012 at 07:31

Ok so you directed me here gain from the blog post on anger. I was feeling that you haven’t fully explained properly how to clear out resistance permanently.

The universe letter addresses “resistance” by looking at fears. But doesn’t clear them. You look at fears, try to put them aside so you can think about what you want.
That’s putting them aside and not clearing them.

This blog post suggests better feeling places. Ok that might be possible for people lucky enough to be in good feeling place that can reach for next thing. But not really possible when you feel like shit.

So the other suggestion is the root cause. Well again we find the source and can “sort it out” or find a solution from that higher feeling place.

Plot hole: The person isn’t feeling good. They won’t be able to do either.

This doesn’t CLEAR the problem. For good. Gone. Sucked out, thrown, away and exiled to the place of bad feelings never to return.

No, it will be observed in that manner but not cleared.

These are great blogs. But in my personal and rare opinion not shared by many others on the blog- so no need to feel worry- is that for me- these ideas don’t work.

I personally haven’t found an effective method in those suggestions. But that’s just me.

Melody Fletcher July 26, 2012 at 14:51

Hey Alice,

I answered most of this question on your other comment.

It’s always possible to feel better. It may not be possible to feel good, but it’s always possible to feel better. Clearing the problem often takes time. It’s not instantaneous. But when you do it with energy, even a large problem can be cleared in weeks, instead of years. And smaller ones can be gone in hours or even minutes. The more resistance, the longer it takes.

Again, you don’t have to feel good. You just have to learn to feel better. It’s incremental.

I’m sorry to hear that these techniques aren’t working for you. I would actually disagree, because I’ve seen quite a progression in your energy over the last weeks by reading your comments. But the ride can be a bumpy one and when you’re going through a rough patch, it can seem like nothing’s working even when it is.

Hang in there.

Huge hugs,
Melody

Alice July 27, 2012 at 06:29

Unfortunately Melody,

I’m afraid that would be taking credit for my nature spikes of energy!

Before veen knowing you existed I would go through spikes of joy and energy changes. People would see something has happened. Then hours later I would feel demotivated by nothing really changing.

This has happened long before. You. Just instead of Melody there would be something else I would use to include in my stuff that I am currently enjoying or reading about.

Before you I was enjoying the book “The Power” by Rhonda Byrne. In between you I watched a funny movie.

Now I’m not applying the techniques or really moving on. I’m looking at something temporarily which I like- being you and your blog and jokes and nice things to say.

But at the end of the day I’m still- well that’s a bit private but it sure does topple the theory I won’t put it in public!

But you are doing me good by being yourself, kind and supportive.

Melody Fletcher July 27, 2012 at 22:35

Ah, so you’re saying that all along you’ve been manifesting different ways to feel better and gain clarity when you were able to allow them? 8)

You may not be moving as fast as you want to, but you are moving. I can see it, even if you can’t. And I will focus on that point of view. There’s not really much you can do to stop me. :) I KNOW that eventually you will see it, too.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 27, 2012 at 08:38

What is loneliness?

It’s the band aid solution to see people but then it comes back. You think the root is isolation.

Melody Fletcher July 27, 2012 at 22:37

Loneliness is the false belief of separation – that you are alone, separate and cut off from everyone else. But we are all connected, to each other, to who we really are, to God, to the Universe, to everything. The feeling of loneliness comes when we forget this and mistakenly think that we’re completely on our own. There’s so much help out there for us. We just have to let it in. When we don’t, we feel lonely.
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Alice July 28, 2012 at 02:41

But I don’t believe in God or the Universe yet. I came to your page twice in the same day so decided to stay. I was brought by two articles- one about homosexuals- because I was looking up the gender roles and the FIRST article that brought me here was the article about SKEPTICS.
Yes, I came to LOA ANGRY and looking for something to bash. Then you seemed reasonable and deep down I’ve wanted to believe because I need hope and am unhappy. So I go from hopeful to angry and wanting to bash LOA to death because as yet I have no proof.
And despite all my commensta dn enjoyment of your blog I’m still only 60% a believer and need to have that life change to truly believe.
But not gonna happen while miserable.

Alice July 28, 2012 at 02:45

Could you be happy as a mind in a box?

What if you were trapped in a box, no body, no people. Could you be happy? They just feed you through tubes.

And in this scenario you are there for a loong time with no hope of getting out. In total isolation.

Can you be happy? And if so why? Rule: No cheating and saying you’d manifest your way out into a robot body or something. No you are alone and trapped forever.
Also you can’t die.

anny July 28, 2012 at 17:38

Hi Alice,

We do keep meeting up don’t we, browsing through Melody’s blog. You do have an imagination, I like that. I like to think of the most outrageous things myself, even if only for the sake of argument. Maybe you can use that imagination too in the direction of finding a happy solution?

As far as this example is concerned. I personally do not believe that we are a body that has consciousness but that we are (part of) an eternal consciousness that incarnates at birth. Incarnation literally means going into flesh. Our Dutch word for body, lichaam, is derived from a Gothic word ‘lic hamo’ which means coat of flesh or shirt of flesh. People who have a Near Death Experience experience that they have left their body, sometimes they can look down on it, and have the most beautiful experiences in the spiritual worlds. Sometimes also not such beautiful experiences, but that just depends on their vibration. If you have lived in a world of hatred and made that to your essence you keep creating that for a while until you decide that you do not want that anymore. The point is that this seems to confirm the belief that you are consciousness and not a body. Here in Holland there is a doctor who has done extensive research into this material (as a cardiologist he had many patients who had NDE’s and he took them seriously, and he considers it proven that the consciousness actually resides outside the physical body and not in the brain although it does use the brain). To be honest I must admit that many of his colleagues think he is nuts, but that does not matter to me. I listen to what my heart tells me and not really to scientific proof. Although actually I think that in this case nothing has been proven one way or the other. Some thing really cannot be proved objectively. Can you prove love?

So I believe that even if your body got trapped in a box, you yourself would not be and you would be free to create a happy world around you as long as you stay centred in love.

Love,

Anny

Alice July 29, 2012 at 07:07

This went over my head. You might have to find a more deep and meaningful candidate. Sorry.

anny July 29, 2012 at 09:37

Hi Alice,

No sweat. This does not go over your head, It is just a completely different way of thinking. You read Richard Dawkins so your intelligence is fine.

Melody said sort of the same as I did, only in different terms again. She is a genius at that, I am not. I have to keep to my own way of expressing which is not always clear to other people.

Love,

Anny

Alice July 29, 2012 at 12:23

Hi Anny,

Well if LOA is true, I should be flattered you choose me to talk you! :-) Because that would mean there is something about me that resonates with you.
I wish there were a forum or something away from the blogs comments as I have many thoughts, questions and ideas that are not relevant to any of these posts.
I am enjoying talking here, but also feel like I hijack Melodys’ blog with all my talking. Or monopolize that time/space.

Also I’m in a cycle right now and all my replies to anyone I’m talking to- you’d feel like you’re talking to someone with MPD or something. I responded to that in a feeling of frustration>loneliness.

It’s a pattern almost and certain moods I’m unable to give proper answers.

FRUSTRATION>LONELINESS>>ISOLATION>HOPE>FEAR>REPEAT or something like that.
The psychological themes repeat again and again. I’d need my own website… lol!

anny July 29, 2012 at 13:08

Hi Alice,

I am sure you are not monopolizing Melody’s website with what you write. I think most people on this blog can recognize something of what you write; I most certainly do. Do not think that I do not have periods like you have and I have a daughter who could almost be your twin even though it might be different things that bother her. She is on her way out of them now and so are you, I believe. It is great that you recognize the pattern and the cycles. That is the first thing, you know.

LOA is a great thing but you cannot force things. I just tumbled to that conclusion again a few days ago. Do not think that I have everything resolved just yet. The thing to do seems to be: make clear what you want and then leave it alone and accept your situation as it is right now. Do you remember that example of the person who wanted to manifest rats and pushed the issue but did not see any rat anywhere? Finally he let go and did not think of it anymore and there they were, fifty rats no less, when he went to take the garbage outside. It obviously works.

So now I am trying to let go of everything what bothers me about my health, or my daughter’s, and find out what happens next. Well, my health is not yet any better but I am more at peace with the situation being what it is.

And as I said, there are lots of other people with problems who may recognize something in what you write and what you learn through the process, so do not think that you are bothering other people. Many of us have been where you are or are still there occasionally and there is nothing wrong with it. So do not think that you are worth less than anybody else. If they pretend to be it is mostly a sign of a feeling of inferiority on their side.

Love,

Anny

Alice August 3, 2012 at 10:18

Hi Anny,

Sorry I didn’t get back to you for a while.
I’ve been rather confused and didn’t want to be rude to you or too emotional. So I had to calm down before returning to this blog.

I’m in quite the struggle. I won’t focus on that or make it worse here publically. Let’s just say my life is in a very precarious position. I have to placate people that I’m doing something.

I’ve never been truly religious bar experimentation in mostly polytheists type things– nothing traditional as you know from my Religion comments.

But I’m severely doubting LOA. I never truly believed in the first place, coming here as a skeptic looking for hope as that’s all I have left. Solid solutions and actions are all exhausted over time.

So I wanted hope and I found it in many ways.

I’m a logical, analylical person trying to convince my mind of LOA because I need a miracle.

I WANT it to be true. I don’t have any other solution right now. I want to change things for the better. Turn many things around before it’s too late.

I don’t know what to do about these doubts, having a blind faith with no proof save for stories of people that I only know in cyberspace…
I can’t even prove 100% that Melody Fletcher is real. You know what I mean.
I haven’t laid eyes on her physical body. I know she is but even then I haven’t shook her hand.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0258153/reviews

So it feels I am basing this hope off a theory off other people saying IT DOES WORK.

I am getting a sickening feeling (very sad, very sinking) that I am delusional and don’t know how to shake this terrifying thought.

What if none of this is real and I’m saying to people I’m changing myself– I’m doing something–just be patient…

AND IT WASN’T REAL??

They’d kill me!

I don’t know how to have blind faith.

How do you do it?

It’s amazing. I no longer poke fun at faith. It truly is a talent.

So this is what the religious feel like. Doubt is awful.

Such huge doubt. Makes me lose my mind.

Everybody brave enough to step out into LOA not really knowing deserves a medal.
You could be seen as insane but you do it anyway. That’s bravery.

I’m getting a touch of cowardice.

Melody Fletcher July 28, 2012 at 17:54

Hey Alice,

Look at it this way: You are trapped in a box. You have two choices: you can be unhappy about it or you can be happy. You can focus your way into a state of happiness using your imagination. With no physical manifestations, you’d end up hallucinating and even living a whole different life. You may totally forget that you are in that box.

It’s your choice. You can lie in despair, lamenting the fact that you’re in a box, or you can simply choose to feel better, even if circumstances haven’t changed. It really is that simple. Thanks for helping to distill this point down to it’s very basics. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Alice July 29, 2012 at 07:05

Huge hugs. Wait you don’t have a body.

anny August 3, 2012 at 17:46

Hi Alice,

I am answering you by this reply button as our string of comments does not have one anymore.

I am very sorry that you are feeling yourself to be in such a predicament.

If you have to convince people that you are doing something to change, which you are, why do you not use the examples Melody gave in her post about an Example to release resistance etc. I think this might help you to feel different about these people and what they might do and it might become a breakthrough for you.

I do not think that blind faith is in order. Just trust the process, because it is a process and you cannot force anything, however much you (or I for that matter) might want to. I think it might serve you to focus more on your heart than on your mind.

The LOA is not so much a thing you have to believe in. It exists, whether you believe in it or not. Do you believe that gravity would not apply if we did not believe in it? The point is that you can make it work for you instead of against you if you understand how it works and that is what Melody is teaching. Miracles can and do happen but they cannot be forced.

I am not there yet but I am optimistic and I let the proof of the pudding be in the eating. Do you know that proverb? I learned it in England and it might apply here as well.

Love,

Anny

Alice August 5, 2012 at 23:16

Hey Anny,

“I am very sorry that you are feeling yourself to be in such a predicament.”
That placement of words, hopefully, was not literal. Otherwise I’m not ready or in the vibration (using the lingo) for such things. They don’t help me right now.
Also congratulations on mastering detachment! Melody herself is aiming for detachment.

Esther Hicks (in a good-natured voice): “When someones life is going badly it is NOT the right time to say they are the creator of their own reality”

As far as LOA teachers comparing (L.O.A. SOMETHING I DON’T YET BELIEVE IN)- TO GRAVITY–comes off as pretty silly to me. I’m nowhere near that. I don’t accept it as a “Law”
Who are we basing this off? Spiritual coaches? People that make a living off selling LOA to the lost and desperate? Of course they’ll tell you it’s true.
Now we need to discover this ourselves– not just based on what they say.
That’s called being a sheep.
We need PERSONAL proof. Something that applies directly to us.

If someone didn’t “believe” (belief doesn’t come into such matters–that is for lofty spiritual ideas not proven by science) in gravity:
1) missing brain cells
2) they can just throw anything into the air and watch it fall down.
3) they have ways to instantly prove this.

Using gravity in the same category as LOA is pretty insulting to the scientific community.
They work very hard and are not some fad like LOA they sprung up overnight. It just doesn’t compare.

This pushes LOA further into the religion sack. (religion-something which in general looks pitiful and stupid to me)

Caps lock=highlight not screaming. There’s no option to underline/bold.

Thanks for giving me the kick in the butt I needed about LOA. What was I thinking?

May not be the result you intended, but at least a result!

I appreciate your time and talking on my level.

Alice August 6, 2012 at 03:31
Alice August 13, 2012 at 04:27

Hi Melody,

This post is littered with my comments so I thought I’d use it to address something.

Please STOP giving me Philosophical / advanced / spiritual answers.

I’m obviously not at the level where I can find connection “to each other, to who we really are, to God, to the Universe, to everything.”

I don’t care about God, Universe and everything. I’m heavily lonely. You don’t use empathy so all I can say is it’s a horrific feeling you don’t know right now, but it’s the most a human could ever endure.
It bloody well hurts very badly. I often can’t take it. I often feel like being dead. It’s that painful.

Can’t you see I’m in incredible pain and my patience is running out. You can see my comments are increasingly blunt.

Sure I find these conversations intriguing and stimulating as a lonely person I am talking with you Melody and getting an interesting conversion.

That’s why I am hear. Your answers are very interesting and nice.

But they are not really answers. Not in the sense of what I actually need.

Someone in the depths of loneliness doesn’t understand “really connected to everything” etc

I won’t read that and go “hey, I’m connected to the universe, I feel better now.” No–still lonely.

So please speak to me so I can hear it.

I want to listen, so please talk on a level I can get. :-)

Remember your guides telling you to “let it go” in panic attack–even at your high level –that answer was upsetting.

Imagine for me, your answers are intelligent but feel just like that.

Melody Fletcher August 13, 2012 at 17:24

My dearest Alice,

I can’t force you to hear what I’m saying. I wish I could, but I tried to do that for many, many years and it just doesn’t work.

When my guides told me to let it go, I did get annoyed and frustrated. I couldn’t “hear” what they were telling me until I was ready to. And they could not reword it in a way that I could hear. I had to get there myself. As I relaxed and trusted, though, I did get it. I’ve faced many such moments in the last few years, so it’s become a bit easier for me to make that jump. To trust and just allow, even when it’s really scary to do so. There have also been times when I couldn’t. I had to back off the subject for weeks or even months until I was ready to let something really scary go. Of course, once I did, I always realized there had been nothing to be afraid of and that helps with future situations, but at the time, I had to wait until I was ready.

While I won’t share your pain, of course I’m aware of it. I can see that you are struggling. But I also know that you are working your way out of that struggle. And I know that the fact that your struggle is so painful is an indication of the massive size of your desire to feel better. No matter how tightly you are holding on to your reasons for feeling horrible, that desire will win out in the end.

I am always here for you. But I can’t surpass what you’re ready for. I can’t reach into you and make you hear me. No one can. My guides could not do that for me and I can’t do it for you. But just like my guides do for me, I will gladly continue to annoy you with answers that you may not yet be quite ready for. Until you are.

Also, it’s not true that you totally can’t hear me. You do hear me periodically, quite well in fact. Just keeping it real. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Kat August 20, 2012 at 03:46

Yes, Melody, what you say here is true. Sometimes, it takes a couple of years to get through something, not just months. But we do get there, eventually. There is indeed a process as you have mentioned with washing, placing many bandages, disinfection, ointments, changing the bandages, cooling sprays, analgesics, etc. This is the only way to get through something when you are hit hard with it.

I just wonder why it takes so long sometimes to get out of a dark place we shoved ourselves into. Sometimes not just once, but multiple times. We eventually learn not to do that to ourselves as well, but this takes time too. All this time going up and down the emotional scale and being a zombie in regards to productivity, i.e., just going through the motions at work. No wonder Abe says get happy and then; get into the vortex and then. Because it is easier that way.

Melody Fletcher August 20, 2012 at 19:25

Hey Kat,

Something I haven’t written that much about yet, but which I’ve been really aware of for some time is that we tend to let go of the big stuff in layers. That’s why it can seem like we face the same damn issue again and again, but if you pay close attention, you may see that you are releasing slightly different aspects each time. In hindsight, we can see the perfection of how we were prompted each step along the way, to release what we could. And then, when the final layer goes, it goes with a whisper, not a bang. Even though the belief may have been big and ugly, it doesn’t have to come out in a big, ugly way. Gradual progression is so much easier. It does take longer, but we always get there eventually. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Mimi September 21, 2012 at 18:08

In an abstract way after you become aware of these principles it’s almost easy to just dismiss any hardship bc we all know tmw will still come and there’s always another day. It’s like what is the point of allowing yourself to suffer? Of course that’s why I say it’s abstract bc reality for people is so the opposite. Now that you know is anything really that big a deal? That’s how I see it. Hopefully that makes things easier for people.

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