Dear LOA: How Can People Who Initially Hate Each Other Fall In Love?

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by Melody Fletcher on July 1, 2012

 

Dear lovely readers,

I am currently on a weeklong  Spa vacation in Austria. While I’m gone, I’ve decided to publish one reader question per post.  Enjoy!

Awesome Rik asks: “I was having a conversation with a friend about (romantic) Love as it relates to the LOA and I realized there was something maybe you can help with.  It’s usually stated in LOA articles and love advice that when two potential lovers meet, their attraction is strong and instantaneous.  In short, both of the involved parties will know it.  But, in the course of my conversation with my friend, we started to realize just how many couples have had the opposite experience.  More specifically, one person asked the other one out, was soundly rejected, did it again, was flatly rejected again, until, out of irritation (or whatever) agreed to go out with said person, with the ensuing date leading to more dates, marriages, families, etc.  As an aside, this scenario happened with my own parents.  My mom apparently could not stand my dad when they met, but his persistence led to a now 40 year relationship (with relatively few major problems). Obviously, this doesn’t happen in every case, but enough times to make me wonder.  I’m sure there’s a relatively simple explanation we were overlooking, but this is intriguing.  Can you help clarify this seeming dichotomy in attracting Love?  Thanks for your time.”

What an excellent question!

When two people are a significant vibrational match to each other, they tend to know it. They have a strong emotional reaction to each other. If they both have little resistance to what they want and the point that they are a match to each other on, then they will feel a strong attraction for each other. If they have a lot of resistance to what they want, they will feel strong negative emotion.

Is it possible for a person who evokes negative emotion from you to actually be bringing you what you want? Of course! It happens all the time. Sure, “negative” manifestations are generally a sign of resistance. When you overcome the resistance, the manifestation clears up. But think about this:

If you want something really badly, but you have a strong belief that you can’t have that thing, then looking at it is going to cause you pain. And then, you may conclude that this thing is horrible, when in fact, you want nothing more. This is the same concept that makes little boys throw rocks at the little girls they like the most. :)

So, in the case of your mother and father, there was most likely an unrecognized attraction that actually caused some fear (“I want this but I can’t allow myself to want it”). So, your mother felt drawn to your father but had some fearful beliefs around relationships, men or love and didn’t recognize it as desire. She interpreted the feeling as a negative one. BUT, she would not have given him the time of day if she truly didn’t like him. As he persisted, her fear lessened. He wore her resistance down and she was able to access her true feelings. And that’s when she “suddenly” fell in love.

 

{ 30 comments }

Kat July 1, 2012 at 15:20

Hence the phrase “I’m going to wear you down”. I am glad for this persistance, otherwise so many people would not be together, myself included.

This must apply to all things. For example, a dream that may have seemed too hard and painful to pursue due to rejections. Because of this, another path was followed, yet the dream remained (the universe never forgets our desires- it keeps a file on us) and grew bigger and kept appearing in various subtle ways at first. Then, with the loss of a job, forced the person to pursue the dream again, and this time things flowed into place. You hear of this scenario all the time.

Melody Fletcher July 2, 2012 at 15:29

Hey Kat,

Great point. The Universe is incredibly persistent in bringing us what we truly desire. It will try again and again and will never give up. We can keep fighting it all we want. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Kat July 2, 2012 at 15:43

So, Melody, we may give up, but the universe doesn’t? This is very important in understanding LOA. Thanks!

Kat July 1, 2012 at 16:07

oops…persistence

Laura July 1, 2012 at 19:22

Wow I’m getting all kinds of insight from these questions you’re choosing to answer Melody. This just lightened things up for me just a little more. And Kat, your addition was super helpful.

Thank you both.

Melody Fletcher July 2, 2012 at 15:30

Thanks Laura! I love these questions and the response they’re getting. I think I’ll do a lot more of them in the future. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Kat July 1, 2012 at 23:02

Great, Laura! There is some sort of flow to all this, as I am beginning to understand. When you continue to feel pangs about something, such as something you did not do, you must go after it again, right? Is this not a cue or a hint from the universe or our higher self that, although you put it aside once due to too much resistance, turmoil, doubt, or whatnot, you must take it up again, but this time in more relaxed and confident “whatever man” attitude, and it will manifest. Is this “alignment”, or at least part of it? Calm and cool’s the way to roll.

Laura July 2, 2012 at 03:33

Yeah. I need way more practice at that calm cool thing. But hey it’s a process right?
And incidentally, “going after it” isn’t always the way to go… staying right…well, speaking for myself, staying right where I am is what is necessary sometimes. Acceptance and letting go. Not so easy to do for me. Like Kenny Rogers says, “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.”

I’m picking up stuff between the lines here also, since this question isn’t directly related to what I’m getting insight to. But the subject of resistance is a biggie for me.

However in the case of Awesome Rik’s parents, dad knew to hold ‘em. ;)

Alice July 2, 2012 at 04:15

Yep. You could follow this advice and it could backfire lol. “He’s a stalker!” “A stalker that just won’t give up”

How would you tell the difference between resistence and flat out rejection/imcompatibility?

Melody Fletcher July 2, 2012 at 15:35

Hey Alice,

The difference is in the way you feel. When you really want something but feel resistance to it, it feels very different from a negative manifestation, like a stalker. The stalker would bring up feelings of vulnerability, for example. A hot guy whom you’re afraid to let yourself want would not actually scare you.

Exploring the relationship with questions can really get to the bottom of it. What are you afraid of? If the answer is “being raped and killed”, run. If the answer is “getting my heart broken, or, I don’t know”, dig deeper. But in either case, if there is real fear, wait. I’m certain Rik’s mother did not proceed until she felt ready. But if she’d been truly afraid or turned off, with no spark of desire, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to be pursued. :)

Huge hugs
Melody
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Lauren July 2, 2012 at 04:22

Melody,

I wish this could explain what happened to me, but it doesn’t. Jan 2011 I met a man (classmate) and learned he had a girlfriend, a kid, and 2 ex-wives. With that knowledge, I immediately wrote him off with ZERO interest in him while we were in school together. But every so often he’d drop a little crumb of what I thought was interest on his part. By Oct, I had graduated & he had been out of his relationship for 5 months. Out of the blue he texted me from class, “I miss you”. Well, having been single for SOOOOO long, my resistance to him had lowered and I went out with him. Long story short, since Nov I grew to love him deeply, all the while he fell in love with a new girl who is 17 years younger than him (I’m only a year younger). In his words, the “I miss you” text was about how I made class more bearable for him – nothing of the romantic sort (which he tells me several months after the fact. ARGH – MEN!)

So here I am, in an unrequited love relationship AGAIN, when in the beginning I wasn’t even the slightest bit interested in this guy. I really wish I could go back to feeling the way I did a year ago. Can you explain to me what happened here vibrationally? I’m guessing we vibrate at different frequencies for different areas of our lives: work, romantic relationships, friendships, etc. Because he & the young girl REALLY hit it off – they ‘clicked’ in his words – so obviously they were a vibrational match. But somehow he & I were drawn together too, plus we had an intense emotional connection that I’ve never experienced before (a connection he didn’t have w/ the girlfriend). He repeatedly told me I was his best friend. But his continued physical affections with me behind his girlfriend’s back was the kicker for me though. Even though there was nothing sexual between us, he felt the need to hide me from her and I couldn’t live with it anymore. So I ended the most emotionally intimate relationship I’ve ever had which has broken my heart. I really wish I could understand what happened on a metaphysical level. How is it he was a vibrational match with two different people at the same time?

Thanks,
Lauren

Alice July 3, 2012 at 02:19

Hi Lauren,

This is a really great question! I also have questions about unrequited love in some other comments on another post.
It is really frustrating and confusing when the one that is now being the rejector (that seems to command some capitals) ahem: The Rejector! is the one that gave all the green lights in the first place.

In my experience I have also met a similar man with an ex wife and child (no girlfriend) that used his failed relationship as an excuse/fear never to get close to someone again. He didn’t want to be in a relationship- yet he’d flirt wildly with me. He ended up connecting on an emotional level and then physical with me for some time- but never truly loved.
When I left for someone else he then claimed he loved me. Well too late buddy! He then got jealous of every relationship I ever had after him as he’s now alone- and I warned him that would happen. I’m the one that has zero interest in him now. How the tables turn!
It’s like your situation but in reverse. I know they say don’t go into rebound relationships- but finding someone to return my love really healed that for me. He was soon forgotten. But then again… I’m in unrequited love all over again. I don’t have the solution-only support you are not alone!

But the most confusing and hurtful experience is the one I’m having recently. The one above made sense-he just didn’t want to commit-therefore lost me.
This is more complicated.
This man did commit. He loved me in every way. He was so clingy. He was the one that pursued me. He was the one afraid I’d leave. He moved in with me! He really showed all the signs of deep love. Is extrememly romantic and affectionate.
Then he’d push me away. He does really weird behaviour. He’ll invite me somewhere and say he wants my company- but then when I show up he acts hostile and distant. I wonder why he pulled me somewhere in the first place.

I’ve said more on this in another comment- but I hope it helps that you are not alone and thankyou for sharing your story.

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:20

Hey Alice,

Beliefs are not rational. When people behave in this kind of Jekyll and Hyde manner, they’ve got two powerful conflicting vibrations going on. This man desperately wants to love, but has another conflicting belief (sounds like a fear to me) that is blocking that. And those two energies are always fighting each other. The thing you need to figure out is why this experience is in YOUR reality.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:15

Hey Lauren,

While I can’t tell you EXACTLY what happened (I’d need to have a chat with you for that), I can give you some basic explanations of how this sort of thing can come about.

The first clue here is that you ended up in an unrequited love relationship AGAIN. The AGAIN is the clue. Clearly, this man was mirroring some belief you have about yourself, men and/or relationships. You want a relationship, but you somehow don’t think you get to have one, don’t deserve one, the one you want doesn’t exist, are afraid of one, etc. You’re got conflicting vibrations going on and that’s what’s manifesting. If you’ve never had the kind of connection you had with this man, then that’s a sign that you’re allowing a bit more than you’ve ever allowed. Good for you! But you’re still pushing it away.

How can a man be a match to two different women at the same time? That’s easy. We are all matches to loads of different people and events at the same time every day. You were a match to a different vibration of his than this girl. I tend to break down beliefs into single components for easy of explanation on this blog. But in real life, we are a mishmash of different beliefs. They are all intertwined.

In this case, I would say this experience perfectly mirrored back your current vibration to you. This man was able to connect with you, but wasn’t really available to you. As you figure out what the belief is that’s holding you back, you’ll attract men that will me more available.

I hope that was helpful.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Kat July 2, 2012 at 14:23

Really cool posts. Don’t you also need to listen to universal cues? Like, let’s say you indeed folded them and walked away, from a career, potential lover, I think it applies to all things. Still, you feel these pangs whenever the topic comes up and life leads you back there. With a boyfriend, he comes back one day. He pops back into your life. If you do not like him, you will one day. There may be no pangs in the bf case, but when you are cool about it again, it happens. All these things have happened to me. With a career, you need to go back to it, as nothing else is right for you and no other job sticks. That is why I think there is no quitting in LOA. This is why we need to be open to things. I am trying to understand the Law’s functions. I remember the Fonz from re-runs when I was really little. He was so cool and things went his way all the time. I know it is a cheesy example, yet it pertains to this. So, it does not seem like there is quitting in LOA, from my understanding and from the examples Abe gives as well.

Alice July 3, 2012 at 02:41

Hello Kat,

I was wondering the same thing! If something keeps showing up again and again- something keeps popping up- does it mean it was meant to be? The universe is just not quitting until you take the sign and go with it?

Or it could be LOA. The man or career could be completely wrong for you. The reason they keep popping up is not some sign from above. They keep popping up because you are coming back to the same vibrational match to that thing again and again.
It could just be a sign of where you are stuck.

e.g. People keep saying to me “you’d make an excellent teacher!” again and again my whole life.
It’s no sign from the universe. I don’t want to be a teacher.
I just means my vibration is aligned with that reaction from others and not in align with the career I really want. (more artistic, flamboyant, less structured-opposite of schools!)

shbni July 3, 2012 at 08:41

ooo.. i have the exact same query that needs clarification !

‘If something keeps showing up again and again- something keeps popping up- does it mean it was meant to be? The universe is just not quitting until you take the sign and go with it?

Or it could be LOA. They keep popping up because you are coming back to the same vibrational match to that thing again and again.
It could just be a sign of where you are stuck.’

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:27

Hey Alice,

There are MANY different ways to be a teacher that have nothing to do with standing in a classroom. You can teach through art, by simply talking to people, or by simply being the person you are. Everyone is a teacher in some sense, really. Just a thought… :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Jennifer July 4, 2012 at 06:00

I wouldn’t want to be a teacher all day long in a classroom for my day job either, but I have found that I like teaching my hobbies for a few hours for a few weeks. Yeah, you don’t have to be THAT kind of teacher (and these days, I wouldn’t think that going into the field is a good idea anyway).

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:25

Hey Ladies,

Alice pretty much got it: It’s not a “sign” of what you’re supposed to do. It’s a sign of what your vibration is doing. Now, does that necessarily mean you’re stuck? No. It could, but it could also be the manifestation of your desire coming up again and again, giving you opportunity after opportunity to release the fears you have around it and actually go with it. How can you tell the difference? Take a look at your emotions. Is the thing that comes up again and again something that feels good? Have you been focusing in a way that feels good? Or is it some obstacle that comes up again and again?
For example, if you keep attracting loser men, it’s NOT a sign that you should date lower men. It’s a sign that you have a loser vibration that you may want to clean up so you can attract better guys. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 5, 2012 at 02:48

Yes! *air punch* Ha-ha some LOA principles are absorbing. I’m here again this morning. I had a whole plan. I’ve been spending ages trying to solve some issues. So I cleaned my house, got organised and was like “tomorrow is your day off- just feel good- don’t try to look at jobs, legal stuff, psychology, health, don’t see the doctor, don’t do anything- just go outside in the sun that’s been there for the last 2 weeks and put everything down and just walk. Have fun.”
Well today is raining. Ha-ha. I’m slowly learning to strike when the irons hot. I love that “loser vibration” :-)

Kat July 2, 2012 at 14:42

Oh, yeah, one more very important thing. We need to anticipate good things to come and of course go beyond what-is-ness and vision what will be. This sweet anticipation of great things to come will keep us going and the ball rolling and thus manifest smoother. Is this how it goes? Is this the LOA at work?

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:29

Hey Kat,

You’re so right. Focusing on what “is”, will only recreate that same scenario over and over again. If we want to affect change, we have to focus on what we want. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Kat July 2, 2012 at 14:45

I wrote up another comment using the above examples mentioned, but it did not post. Comment was awaiting moderation. I wonder if it will end up posting because I made pertinent obserations for LOA.

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 11:29

Hey Kat,

Are you still missing a comment? Let me know.

Hugs,
Melody

Kat July 3, 2012 at 15:51

No, the comment got posted. Thank you Melody. So, Melody, it is all a matter of cleaning our vibration? Does the universe give cues or no? It just gives according to command, so to speak, and we need to align with it? What we see appear is a matter of what we emanate?

And Alice, yes, Abe says that we are the teachers (of life, not a classroom). We, with our experiences and work we do with LOA, are here to teach others who do not have these things. We are here to spread this around to those allowing it- we can’t force it upon anyone. There was a recent cool Canadian show called Being Erica, and in it, the person in “therapy” becomes the new therapist, after some training. The concept is after going through things yourself, you are able to teach the next person about all this stuff. The therapy is effective because you learn by doing.

Melody Fletcher July 3, 2012 at 23:14

That’s exactly right, Kat. You are the center of your reality and everything you attract to you (in terms of how you experience it) is a mirror of your vibration. Change the vibration and the mirror has to reflect those changes.

The Universe, or LOA is always matching your vibration, but your higher being, Who You Really Are, is also giving all of its considerable focus to what you truly want. And so, this energy (what Abe calls the Vortex) has HUGE attractive power. It’s always “calling” you or pulling you. Your emotions are your cues. Focus on feeling better and the “signs” or manifestations will automatically become more positive. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Kat July 4, 2012 at 00:29

Thank you so much, Melody. So soothing and distracting ourselves when negative emotions creep up is of utmost importance. These come about when we are not in sync with our higher being. My higher being is always nudging me, and, even when things seem impossible in my “reality” around me, I follow it and I am taken to realms I have never before experienced. So, faith is what is needed, no matter what.
XOXOXO

Regina July 5, 2012 at 01:54

It’s like what they say: what you resist persists. Doesn’t always end up good though, often times you just suffer or stay in this place where you are annoyed and irritated all the time.

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2012 at 21:55

Hey Regina,

This isn’t the same kind of resistance. The mother wasn’t resisting the father, she was resisting something else, like love. She had a fear. He felt the connection and was basically patient enough for her to overcome her resistance. If there had been no match, there wouldn’t have been a relationship.

And you know, it can be impossible to tell the difference until you’ve lived it. That’s the fun of life! We try, we experiment, we figure out. Rinse and repeat. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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