How do the Masters do it?

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by Melody Fletcher on June 24, 2012

Dear lovely readers,

I am currently on a weeklong  Spa vacation in Austria. While I’m gone, I thought I’d try something a little different. First, I thought I’d just shut the blog down for a week (there are a lot of posts in the Archives to keep you going…). I was going to post another Quick LOA Questions post today and then just sort of slither into the night like an overcooked noodle, which is all you can really do after a few spa treatments. But then I had a better idea. Why not publish one little question each day that I’m gone? Those of you who love the short posts get a whole week of them (you’re welcome!), and no one has to go entirely without their Happy Shiny Puppy Fix.  Yes, I know. I’m a freaking saint.

I will be popping in periodically to answer comments, but mostly, I shall be like the sloth. Only a hell of a lot more groomed. I shall be like a groomed sloth.

So, without further ado, here is your little question of the day:

“How can I deal with people of a lower vibration?  I find that when I run into them, I get a physiological response which triggers me escaping the scene, i.e., fleeing, because they make feel nervous, as they criticize and judge others while probing me to see where I am at in my life so they can do the same.  This irks me a lot because I would like to maintain my own happy, high vibe which I would like to spread, yet some people are so miserable with themselves and their own situations and jealous of others that it seems impossible for me to hang out with them, let alone briefly converse with them.

Avoiding them is best for me and makes me happiest, but how about other situations where I can’t get away?  Also, on Facebook, I feel like de-friending them, for they speak of things, like the past, from which I myself have moved on and grew tremendously and they think I continue to be that girl.  I realize this is my problem, as most people can deal with them and do not see a problem, but I get this response that I can’t ignore.  I do not wish to lower my vibration and I get angry with them at times, as they contact me only when they need something.  Again, this is not a big deal with others, but it is for me. How do the masters do it- being able to speak with anyone- of a high or low vibration?

It’s interesting. I just explored this very topic on a coaching call earlier today. It should come out in the Membership Site on July 22nd.

I’ll give you the answer in a nutshell:

First of all, if you feel like getting away from them or de-friending them, do so. If you are no longer a vibrational match to these people, don’t try to hold on to them. Other, more awesome people will come in to take their place. But you must let go of that which no longer serves you.

Second, practice deliberately finding alignment. Practice deliberately thinking thoughts that feel good. Start when you’re alone and it’s easy and work your way up from there. Gradually, you can practice exposing yourself to other people and then practice finding a good feeling place – your center. The more you do this, the better you’ll get at it.

Third, when you do get triggered by something (you have negative emotion), get away and when you feel better, try to figure out what got triggered. Why did what they said bother you so much? What words really caused you to react? Figure out why. You have a belief in the somewhere that’s come up to be released and this manifestation was that belief trying to get your attention.

The masters didn’t start off being masters. They cleaned up their vibration bit by bit, incident by incident and trained themselves to hold their vibration steady in more and more volatile environments until it become impossible for outside circumstances to distract them from their alignment.

{ 70 comments }

lib June 24, 2012 at 14:29

Great question and great answer, as always, Melody. This is one of those issues that reminds us that, for all of our efforts to align ourselves, it gets messy when we have to mix it up with other people. The hardest part is when those people are the ones you live with :o . It may be tricky to have them move out of your experience, but how you focus while you’re with them is the key.

If you’re acknowledging all the things they’re saying that piss you off while you’re with them, then you’re activating that in your vibration, and guess what? You just get more of it. But if you take it right back to what you want – for instance, a harmonious, respectful, uplifting relationship, or perhaps them seeing the best in people and situations, then one of two things will happen. Either they will leave your experience, or they’ll begin to show you the side of them you’d like to see. It’s easier to warm up to this when they’re not around you, as you say, Melody, and it takes practise, repetition and a slightly delusional approach. But it works. Carve out your thought path for what you want from these relationships and keep walking it.

Hope your Spa is fabulous Melody! xxx
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shbni June 25, 2012 at 06:48

i have a question. how would i know the differenc between being ‘slightly delusional’ and ‘in denial’. am not clear on this. please do elaborate ? :-/

lib June 25, 2012 at 11:56

That’s a good question and in a way it’s a bit of both. It’s about how we’re focusing at any given moment. We may not be able to change what’s in front of us, but we can change how we react to it. We can choose to stew in the problem or find a solution – whatever we choose, that’s where our focus lies. But we can’t do both simultaneously. Einstein is quoted as saying, ‘We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.’

So, assuming we want to find a solution, we need to develop a way of detaching from the problem. We forget that every time we interact with other people, we give out more than just words. People pick up on the other messages – non verbal communication, ‘vibes’, energy or whatever. How we’re feeling about things as we interact matters. If we’re expecting there to be a problem, we’re giving that out -our partner will pick it up and respond as we knew they would. We may come over as being defensive, edgy, judgmental, or some other non-verbal signal that puts our partner’s back up. Who knows – maybe that’s why they’re being such an git in the first place.

By deliberately turning our attention to the outcome we’d prefer (say a more harmonious relationship), we’re focusing on the solution -the feeling of harmony – and with a bit of practise, that’s what we put out. And in time, others pick up on that and respond in kind.

While someone observing us might consider this to be slightly delusional or just plain denial of the facts – can’t you see you’ve got a bad tempered git of a partner right in front of you? – what we’re really doing is detaching ourselves from the problem and turning to the solution.

Gandhi said ‘We must be the change we want to see in the world.’ That means being harmonious, being tolerant, seeing the best in others. Not easy, but there you go.
It’s one of these things that’s better to experience than read about.

So to sum up about delusion / denial – it’s not denying there’s a problem, it’s acknowledging there’s a solution.

Hope that helps. Lib
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lib June 25, 2012 at 11:58

That was a lot longer than I intended :o
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shbni June 25, 2012 at 12:05

it made sense ! thanks so much for the elaborate reply :)

lib June 25, 2012 at 12:11

No problem :)
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Melody Fletcher June 25, 2012 at 23:44

What an excellent answer Lib! I love it when the conversation gets taken further in the comments! :)

I also wrote a post about this subject (denial vs. delusion). You can find it here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/04/26/does-the-law-of-attraction-encourage-people-to-be-delusional/

And thanks for the warm wishes, Lib. I’m loving the spa. Relaxing a lot, having awesome conversations with my original coach (my mom) and getting great insights which I will put to use as soon as I return.

Huge hugs!

Melody
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lib June 26, 2012 at 13:25

Thanks Melody :) Looking forward to reading your post (if I’d done my research I could have simply redirected shbni to it :o ) xxx
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Melody Fletcher June 27, 2012 at 23:55

No worries Lib. Even I have a hard time remembering everything I’ve written… ;)

Huge hugs!

Melody

Mary Carol June 24, 2012 at 16:31

Hi Melody,

Have a fabulous holiday! Cape Breton is awesome. I’m surrounded with Celtic music – great spirit lifter!!

I love this question, and your answer is spot-on! Practice, practice, practice… Thank you for the reminder that it’s fine to just leave and work out whatever issues have arisen in peace and privacy. I keep working on maintaining a high vibe no matter what, sometimes with limited success, but it’s all part of the big picture. And you’re right that consciously thinking of your vibration helps keep it steady. I love lib’s description of being “slightly delusional” – yes!

Have a wonderful break. This is a great idea to post one question a day. I look forward to reading them all. Big warm fuzzy hugs,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher June 25, 2012 at 23:47

Thanks Mary Carol! Your holiday sounds wonderful, too! I had a facial today and spent 85 minutes being pampered into gorgeousness. Then they put an algae mask on me that dried into a rubbery replica of my face. It was so much fun (and apparently very good for me).

You know, there’s no shame in walking away to feel better. I think we could all use that reminder from time to time (I certainly know that I can…) The important thing is that we feel better, period. :)

Huge Austrian Spa holiday hugs!!

Melody
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Brian June 24, 2012 at 17:27

Even without translating the issue into terms of vibrational stuff i’ve experienced that not so few people are simply a waste of my time because we have nothing in common. At the workplace, whenever guys started to ramble about sport and similar redneck interests (how drunk they were last Weekend and their pitiful sex lives were other topics,) i simply said no, i’m not interested, i’m busy reading.

The same goes for acquaintances, aka friends with benefits. If we have no common interests — bye bye, beautiful lady. Some consider me for arrogant and recklessly, but i couldn’t care less about their opinion. It’s similar as looking for a chess partner, both must play approximately the same level, since anything else would be boring for one and frustrating for the other.

Enjoy your spa, just imagining you in a mud pack LOL!

shbni June 25, 2012 at 06:45

just curious. why call someone elses sexlife ‘pitiful’? :) im just assuming ul attract more redneck typey conversations if you hold contempt for someone elses lives right? if ur irritated enough to feel this way then youl just get more and more of it, i think?
(no offence. was just pointing out something. trying to grasp the nuances of this law of attraction stuff thats all.)

Brian June 25, 2012 at 08:39

Your question is welcome, but things would be much easier if you could manage to write proper English. What does “ul” mean?

I use the term “pitiful” in connection with their sex lives because they’re telling others about in the sense of “sluts” and backseat f***s under, to put it politely, a strong influence of alcohol and other mind–altering substances. Furthermore, usually they do not even know these women and of course don’t care about unwanted pregnancies, STD’s and other possible consequences. That’s what i call a pitiful sex life — a meaningless, impersonal sexual encounter with arbitrary strangers, both drunk.

I don’t think i attract those people, they are just a fact at the workplace and i wouldn’t keep any private contact with them, but unfortunately can’t decide who gets hired by the company, which doesn’t mean, however, that i have to socialize with those i have nothing in common with.

I’m not definitely sure whether they have a lower vibration, as described in the OP, or just a different one which is not a match for me. A different frequency, so to speak. And it’s not as though they would trigger a strong emotion in me.

shbni June 25, 2012 at 09:03

you dont have to get all defensive and all that. and keep your superiority complex to yourself please.youre not the right person to be approaching for loa queries i see now. thank you for replying. im sorry i even asked.

Brian June 25, 2012 at 11:30

Neither am i defensive nor do i have a superiority complex, but thank you ever so much for the profound and professional diagnosis, wannabe–psychologist. I think i’ve gotten my point across without getting personal, but yes, there are obvious differences in the intellectual level of individuals. And as i see it, those who don’t even know the simplest rules of spelling are well below average intelligence and education. So please don’t bother to phrase another thoughtful and well–written response since i will not waste any more time responding to an almost illiterate who is anyway unable to understand what i mean.

shbni June 25, 2012 at 11:46

hahaha. why you so pissed about a random comment made by an online stranger? yur animosity is plain funny.
chill, duh.

shbni June 25, 2012 at 11:48

and seriously, even if i were below average intelligence, and even illiterate, i dont see how its anything to feel insulted about.
just letting you know, sweetpea.

Derrek June 25, 2012 at 21:17

I don’t mean to be a busybody or anything…I’m only commenting here because shbni’s first question seemed pretty interesting to me and got me thinking. If you have a powerful negative stance toward something, it’s bound to creep up everywhere in your life. I understand why their sex lives seem “pitiful” and meaningless, I get it, but having a strong negative feedback towards that is bound to have its set of results.

I used to judge people who smoked a pack a day. I’m a non-smoker. Then I realized people who smoke aren’t bad or irresponsible, they’re just smokers. Some of my best friends are smokers. I still hate everything about it, but instead of dumping them I just excuse myself when they light one up and have a neutral standpoint towards the situation. Worse things are happening in the world…like crime and war. These people who smoke are just trying to cope with their own issues or they’re just stuck in the habit of smoking. People are people. Some are good, some are not so good, some are useless. Some smoke to cope, some drink, some do weed, and some have meaningless sex. My point is, who cares? Don’t like em’, walk away. No need to judge their sex lives. As long as they’re not hurting someone, why judge? Why cultivate such resistance?

Again, I have no concern here and it isn’t my argument. Oh and by the way Brian, it’s I’m* (with the capitals), start*…not started, ‘weekend’ doesn’t start with a capital W, “it’s similar to*” not “similar as”. Tisk, tisk, tisk…things would be much easier if you could manage to write proper English. :p No need to be a grammar Nazi, dude. English isn’t even the primary language in some of Earth’s most densely-populated continents. :)

Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:04

Guys, I’m going to jump in here and request that everyone stay respectful in this conversation. Let’s keep it about the ideas and not about grammar or spelling. WHAT you say is much more important than HOW you say it. I want this blog to be a safe place to ask questions and exchange ideas, please.

For me, personally, I’ve made it a big goal to move towards non-judgment. I’ve come to the understanding (again, for me) that whatever views or opinions people hold are valid for them, given where they are in their lives right now. I would venture that someone who is having “meaningless” sex (nothing is ever meaningless, it may just not have the meaning we’d like to assign to it) is looking for connection or at the very least distraction. They may well be moving out of pain and a tad closer to alignment, given where they are no, by using sex. In that case, sex with random strangers may actually be a beneficial thing for that specific individual. We can’t really ever know, because we can’t really ever fully understand someone’s else’s perspective.

And I agree with Brian on this: there are always going to be people in our environment that we don’t really resonate with. There will always be contrast. We always have the choice to engage or walk away and neither is right or wrong. The best choice is always the one that feels better. :)

Now play nice.

Huge hugs for all of you (cause I love you all, no matter what).

Melody
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Kat June 28, 2012 at 17:24

Really good answer Derrek. It helps a lot in dealing with others.

Alice June 26, 2012 at 08:08

Brian, your responses do seem rather arrogant. It’s as if you are trying too hard to sound intellectual (a sign of insecurity) and your words don’t flow naturally.
Your grammar isn’t actually that fantastic. (Mine sure isn’t perfect-but I am not claiming to be using “proper” English) You are no more intelligent than the average poster here.
We could be pedantic here and rip apart your posts word-by-word, line by line…
Yes, Shbni was using text speak and abbreviations. However, he was politely asking you a question. Your answers were condescending.

shbni June 26, 2012 at 10:51

im a ‘she’ :)

Brian June 26, 2012 at 11:01

Alice, thank you for your critique on my grammar. I always appreciate useful and objective hints and i will work to improve it.

Your remark on my intelligence however is simply ridiculous since you don’t know my IQ.

My final conclusion from this debate, i post only my opinion on the topic (as i did above) and simply ignore comments/questions other than Melody’s.

Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 11:25

Ok guys. I’m done with this.
From now on, any comment that attacks another reader on this site will be sent to spam. No exceptions.

Play nice or don’t play at all.

shbni June 26, 2012 at 13:50

thats not fair melody that you say okay ‘guys’ i am done with this ! no one except for brian is doing the ‘attacking’ in the first place ! everyone else is being pretty coolheaded. just pointing something out. its your site, so your rules, i know. also i know i am not in kindergarten anymore, so yes,i will stop whining and drop the argument :)

Melody Fletcher June 27, 2012 at 11:48

Hey Shbni,
Here’s the thing: For me, this isn’t about what’s fair. It’s about what will best serve everyone on this site, including all of you as well as myself. I’m happy to explain.
My one and only agenda is to focus on the energy of who we really are. And that energy was not present in this conversation. It doesn’t matter how it got started. What matters is what it led to. You both started reacting blindly, like two people defending themselves in a bar room brawl. And the energy became great enough so that it attracted a third party to the mix, ready to also do battle. And had I not shut it down, it would’ve undoubtedly attracted even more participants. When I said that I was “done with this”, I meant that I was done with this energy. I was not willing to allow it to continue.
I do not want this blog to become one of those where people go to beat up on one another. Enough of those exist already and I don’t think they serve the purpose that I’m after. People can disagree with one another, that’s perfectly fine. And I’d actually love it if more people entered into constructive discussions with each other on the blog. But the purpose of this blog is to spread ideas. Any discussion that clarifies those ideas and takes them further is welcome.
Of course people are going to get triggered from time to time, that’s understandable. But what I teach, everything I teach, is about how to handle those triggers. In this case, I could not find words that instantly untriggered you all. That was not an option. The only thing I could do was to shut it down. When you’ve both calmed down, perhaps you’ll each take the time to think about what triggered you personally and why. But you can’t do that while caught in the grip of this conflicting energy. I could not either.
Here is was I know: The conversation that was going on was not serving you or Brian or anyone else. You are both genuine seekers of your truth. You are both on this blog because it’s a channel that provides some answers you’ve been looking for. This particular conversation was a manifestation of some resistance in both of you. It served its purpose the second you each had an emotional reaction. There was no benefit in letting it continue, in letting the energy of it get bigger and bigger. This is a hard lesson to learn because when we get into an argument, we often WANT to keep going. We want to stand our ground and defend ourselves and prove that we are right. And we want others to admit that we are right. But we are always right from our own point of view. It’s not about being right. It’s about feeling good. And this conversation didn’t feel good to anyone. Sometimes, all you can do is just stop the momentum, wait for calm to return and then evaluate what happened within yourself.
For example, as I read this exchange, I had an emotional reaction as well. I was annoyed. This annoyance ultimately had nothing to do with any of you or the conversation at hand. It was a personal manifestation of a thought I was not aware of. I felt the annoyance and walked away. I ran on the treadmill for half an hour, calmed down, took a nap, had a massage (I am at a spa, after all, he, he) and was then able to figure out why I was so annoyed. If I had gotten into the conversation, declaring one person to be right and another wrong, or spewing my own annoyance all over you, it wouldn’t have led me to my epiphany any sooner. In fact, it would’ve delayed it and perpetuated this conflicting energy, causing it to draw in and affect a lot more people.
Feeling better is not always the easiest option. Sometimes stopping the argument and walking away is the hardest thing we can do. But it’s what serves us the most in the long run. Ultimately, everyone in this comment thread wants harmony. The conversation that was building here was never going to achieve this. It’s a perfect example of how our actions often lead us in the exact opposite direction of what we want, because we get so caught up in blaming the trigger for our emotional reaction and then fighting against that instead of focusing on what we really want.
So, I didn’t shut down the conversation to exert my authority. I shut it down because it wasn’t serving you. But my first attempt wasn’t strong enough to stop the momentum that was going, so I had to get a little more authoritative. There’s always a method to my madness. :)

Huge hugs and love and light,

Melody
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Melody Fletcher June 25, 2012 at 23:51

Thanks Brian! It’s really interesting how our interests change as we do this work. I was at the airport looking for a book or magazine to read for the flight and I had a really hard time finding anything that actually interested me. There’s nothing wrong with any of the topics, but I’m focused very differently now and I was surprised to discover (once again) that a lot of my former interests were just no longer a match to me. As I become ever more focused, the list of topics that excite me is shrinking (although I am discovering new ones). But that’s ok. Because the topics that are still on the list evoke so much passion from me that I don’t miss any of the other stuff. :)

No mud packs, but I did have an algae pack today, LOL. Green instead of brown. Yay! :D

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Kat June 28, 2012 at 17:19

Yup, Brian, this is what I tend to experience as of late myself. I really noticed what pitiful lives people lead. They themselves are oblivious to this, though, and in their box of a life they find their own fulfillment, whatever may be. While I do feel sorry for them, get the heck away from me if you are going to drag me down. This I must practice.

Vidya Sury June 24, 2012 at 17:43

Excellent idea to post one question a day, Melody! Very nice to get my happy shiny fix this way. I do look forward to your insights.

Yes, it takes helluva lot of practice, but as you said, it works. It is those triggers that are the hardest you know?

Enjoy your spa!

Love, Vidya

I
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:05

Thanks Vidya!

I love answering questions, so I may move more and more towards this format in the future. Still defining it… :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Cassandra June 24, 2012 at 19:07

Congratulations on the spa retreat, Melody! Have some relaxation for me, too! :)

Thanks for still making time to post your question-a-day posts while your gone! And thank you for this question-answer post. It’s one I deal with a lot…especially at home. My mother very often comes home from work in a really frustrated mood, and it does affect my mood. I am going to keep practicing on staying in my place of sanctuary and reminding myself to look for reasons why it keeps coming into my day-to-day life.

Thank you for the great advice!…and for always being there for all of us! :)
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:07

Hey Cassandra,

Thanks so much for your wonderful wishes. I’m having a fabulous time (just popping in to say hi.)

The best time for you to do your focusing work is while your mother is out of the house. Don’t wait until she comes back in a bad mood. Practice when you’re alone and it’ll be much easier to hold your vibration when you do meet up with her. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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JoreJj Z. Elprehzleinn June 24, 2012 at 21:10

I appreciate the question, comments and answers because it does indeed focus on a topic of great mattering. I wish that when people talk about “low vibrations” and “high vibrations” in regards to other people that they would spell it out so I know what vibrations you mean. However I did read about “happiness” and that indeed is a very high quality vibration right next to compassion and passion on my scale. And right next to love.

And that happy vibration is powerful, more powerful than say anger, humiliation, fear, or rejection, doubt, and worry. When some body else is criticizing I am not sure what emotion that is?

However I do now that when some body brings you their problems there are three magic phrases.

1. I agree
2. I understand
3. You’re right

I hope that knowing those and trying those out will help any body reading this to protect their own happiness and spread it far and wide! Here is to more happiness, with compassion and love.

With Love Itself, Peace and Fun,
JoreJj Z. Elprehzleinn
http://TogetherWithDivineLove.com

Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:10

Hey JoreJj,

I wrote a post that explains what “high vibration” means. You can read it here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/06/07/are-people-with-higher-vibrations-superior/ (if you haven’t already). I think you’ll like it.

Thank you so much for adding your wisdom here. I wholeheartedly agree. When we acknowledge how someone else feels, it allows them to feel validated, which causes them to be much less defensive. And then, they can move forward. When we try to change their mood or vibration to a better feeling one without this validation, they tend to fight us all the way.

Thanks for your wise words.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice June 26, 2012 at 08:34

Hi Melody,

That is true about forcing people. It’s an extremely important point that could be the difference between life or death in some cases.

When I was a teenager and at the starting point of the ten-year-depression I am experiencing now I was at the lowest end of depression. I had barely survived a very effective suicide attempt that came very close to killing me.
At that time I was in so much pain and DETERMINED to die. When people tried to punish me for my sadness, shake me up, lecture me, guilt-trip me and try to force me to smile and fake happiness-it made me more rebellious. Now the suicide seemed more important because now others are trying to FORCE things onto me. Like emotional rape. It made me feel isolated and much worse because of the pressure just to smile when you cannot smile. I had so much anger and disgust aimed at me. Force is never the way to make someone happy.

When left alone eventually this turned into severe depression without attempts>> half-hearted attempts with minimal chance of success>> to finally wanting to live and want help. Only after that point I welcomed help. Arguing with the sad person makes them feel worse. They need love and validation. Saying things like “it’s not that bad” etc made me angry.

Years later suicide is the last thing from my mind but I have a constant medium grade depression making my heart heavy on a daily basis. It is still hard to remember the person I was back then. What a painful place I was in.

The pain I have now is like a papercut in comparison.

Despite being negative I am also repelled and dragged down by people that are more severely negative. i have to avoid it so I can keep getting better. It took so much work to get to “the high end of low”
(I believe there are vibrations inside vibrations. There are levels of negativity.)

When thinking of the vibrational ladder, I think severe depression has it’s own ladder to get up.
Some people are so far down they need to get up that preliminarly ladder first.

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2012 at 20:51

Hey Alice,

Thanks so much for sharing your experience so honestly here. When people try to bully you into cheering up, they are actually trying to deal with their own discomfort. They are asking you to feel better (or at least pretend) so that THEY can feel better. It’s really all about them.

I totally agree. There are ladders withing the ladders and truly depressed people have quite a ways to climb before they can get to what most people would call depressed. Congratulations for making that climb. You’re doing so much better than you think you are. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 5, 2012 at 03:33

Thankyou. (I wish writing implied tone of voice. There’s those quick thanks and those thankyous that have a meaning)

I noticed on your coaching info page that if I was on the “low end of low” rather than the “high end of low” like I am now- I would not be able to be coached by you.
Why is this? I’m curious as I’ve seen something similar on another life coach website. Some even go as far as refusing depressed people in general.

I used to look at that and think: “Well if you weren’t somewhat depressed why would you pay Mr. Bleached teeth, supersuit life coach guy (I’m sure you’ve seen other life coaches-*shudder*) all that money. If you were totally happy you wouldn’t be looking for help…”

Also you see money making pyramid schemes out there and they ask people for money!
If they are so desperate for money they are looking at pyramid schemes they couldn’t afford.
Does that make sense?

I was also curious how you felt about those gurus, NLPers, suitwearing motivational people that charge thousands of dollars and seem to dominate the self-help market.
Do they creep you out? :-) Can you spot the charlatans?

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2012 at 22:05

Hey Alice,

I don’t think my page says that I won’t work with people on the lower end of the scale. But if someone is suicidal or something like that, I’m not the right coach for them. In those cases, medication can be of big help (temporarily), and I can’t prescribe that. Also, you have to be in my vibrational vicinity, you have to be able to understand what I’m saying, in order for me to be effective. But really, anyone who finds and reads this site and is drawn to me will be ok.

I don’t work with people who aren’t willing to make a chanage. But I don’t generally attract clients like that. I’ve gotten pretty good at filtering my vibration and I can’t remember the last time I had a client that wasn’t pure awesomeness. :)

You know, I don’t really resonate with those people, but I think they do provide a service. If they can help someone feel better or even give someone who is looking for it something to push against which leads them in the right direction, so be it. I pay attention to how I feel, so that I’m aligned with who I am and then I look for who I resonate with. Charlatans don’t even enter into my reality.

One of the reasons I offer so much free stuff is so that the people who can’t afford my services can still benefit. But I have no problem charging for what I do either and I know the day will come when I’ll have to raise my prices and I will. I’m sure that there are those who would consider me a charlatan then, too. ;) You can’t please ‘em all.

Focus on those that you do resonate with and don’t worry about the rest. They are not for you.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 6, 2012 at 01:44

A caveat with medication- I wouldn’t recommend it. EVER. One of the reasons it took me 10 years to work up the depression ladder is medication. It impedes progress. You just get apathetic and it masks real solutions. They say it temporary but it’s addictive and people expect you to take it. You can’t hide the withdrawal symptoms it can cause like hand shaking. It has it’s own world of stigma. The last thing a depressed person needs is to feel like a drug addict. Because that realy shot all remain parts of self-esteem for me. And I saw too many people destroyed by the side effects of medication.
That’s why so many antidepressants are taken off the market years later and people sue. The greedy manufactuers. Actually mine backfired on me in so many ways it’s not funny. That’s another soapbox another time- but in all seriousnes it’s not to be toyed with. The person needs a hug and real support. Hugs not drugs. But so many people are flung a pill and discarded to “snap out of it”.
I started getting better when I decided I had enough of the medication. The irony!

Melody Fletcher July 6, 2012 at 14:06

Hey Alice,

I’m going to disagree with you. :) Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.

I’ve seen people helped a great deal by medication. BUT, it’s important to see it as a tool, not the fix, as many do. People who are not able to function at all, or focus at all, were able to do it a little better while on the meds (and it’s important to find the right ones) and that helped them progress just a little further. Meds without therapy, though, are not a great idea. That’s like putting a bandaid on a tumor and then walking away, thinking it’s taken care of.

I’m also going to say that I truly believe that you manifested your meds in order to help you. Maybe they didn’t help you by fixing you, but rather by helping you further define what you didn’t want (you were able to more specifically rail against something), which ultimately gave you the momentum needed to stand up for yourself. The decision to get off the meds must’ve been a huge one and not an easy one. But it was empowering and you saw the benefit of the shift you made almost immediately.

It’s it annoying how I will just never say that something went wrong? :)

You manifest your next step in the easiest way that you will allow. and when you’re stuck in depression, often the only thing that you can believe is that a pill might make it better. Or at least it will change something, which provides movement, too (and any movement is valuable when you’re stuck). It may not seem like an improvement at the time, because it’s still so far away from the end goal, and because maybe it stirs up all kinds of very uncomfortable energy (those would be the side effects…), but the option to just feel better in a nice, smooth way was not open to you at the time. Remember that many of us believe, deep down, that growth has to be painful. And so it is.

You are here now not in spite of, but because of all the crap and pain you went through. It all served you. Even the stupid, hated meds. And now you’re learning to make your growth more deliberate, which makes it a lot easier. Good for you.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 7, 2012 at 06:51

Wow! What a genius answer! I didn’t think of it like that. It certainly did give me the chance to argue against being medicated and that made me go from depression into severe anger and protest. That might have been good for me in retrospect thinking of that vibrational ladder.
I’ve read “A boy called IT” and “The lost boy”-my favourite of the trio. and “A man called Dave” all by David Peltzer. Hard, deep reading material- but his eventual success is amazing in the third book.

Well if anyone had resistance that poor boy did. I love “The lost boy” as it really does justice to people who lost thier homes or put in institutions or out of society. It’s very moving and less graphic than the first novel focusing on the original abuse. It shows how the after effects of abuse can be worse than the actual trauma. The stuff our own minds put us through.

It made me wonder how young a person is to start manifesting? Did a 2 year old manifest abuse? How can they have resistance like that?
It’s all amazing how it all has a purpose.

Melody Fletcher July 7, 2012 at 13:22

Thanks Alice.

A two year old does not manifest abuse because of resistance that he picked up. But he did choose to be born into an environment with lots of resistance, so that he could “hit the ground running” so to speak and start a powerful defining process really early.

The more unwanted stuff you see and experience, the more you know what it is that you do want. Essentially, this two year old is creating a HUGE life. And the process of finding his way to it, and possibly helping a lot of people in his family shift to a higher place in the process, is part of his pre-birth intention. And yes, we are willing to put ourselves into that kind of position from the non-physical, just as we are willing to take on the big monster in a video game.

Haven’t you have ever done anything uncomfortable or even painful because you knew it would bring you a lot of benefit? Like, going to the dentist? :) Given how temporary the pain is in the grand scheme of things and given the payoff, we consider it worth it. But again, this makes a lot more sense when you accept that there’s a whole lot more to you than this human self. Put your emphasis on what you’ve created, NOT on what caused you to create it.

You’re starting to get this. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Evan Griffith June 25, 2012 at 04:21

This is not my idea (so few of my ideas are!) but this has worked for me . . . when I’m finding myself triggered and I’m able to catch myself before I go into reactive mode, I whisper internally ‘love.’ Repeatedly. Love love love love love looooove. Or another phrase or word whose essence I wish to dominate the interaction. If aiming it at the other person or people doesn’t work, I aim it at myself!

It’s far easier if I have even a moment in advance to set the tone. If not, it’s still a handy tool. (A friend of mine who was involved in tense negotiations used this to great effect.)

Thank you Melodious for thinking of us even when you’re off spa-ing (without inviiting us, I might add . . . :)

Evan
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:13

Hey Evan,

This is a wonderful insight! Thank you for sharing it here. I mentioned something like this in a post a while back (a good while…). You may like this one: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2011/08/11/instantly-feel-better-with-this-one-law-of-attraction-technique/

Of course you are invited! You’ll have to pay your own way (for now. When I make my first billion, it’ll be my treat…), but you’re always welcome to come a-spa-ing with me. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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kelli June 25, 2012 at 05:19

Hi Melody
This post was really great and it spoke perfectly to a situation I just faced a couple of hours ago. I am sure most people can relate to the situation where you are all high and shiny and you encounter an issue with a person who you still have a lot of weird energy with, like a parent or sibling. I handled the situation pretty well but I was really aware of a lot of stuff coming up and I have been sitting with it and trying to process it. Practice really is the key and God knows, we will encounter plenty of opportunities to hone our skills!
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:14

Hey Kelli,

Good for you for recognizing what was going on (or that something deeper was going on, even if you’re not yet sure what). The biggest step is to own your reaction. Congrats!!!

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca June 25, 2012 at 07:28

I’ve had TONS of practice with this, and and am happy to have moved on from it :)

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Melody. Have a fantastic vaycay :D
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:15

Thanks Jason! I’m having a great time (spas are my thang. Mamma needs her beauty fix…)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca June 26, 2012 at 00:29

You rock, Melody!

I make it a policy of mine to hang out with chicks who prioritize, refine, and develop their beauty.

Beauty is a public service :)
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 01:45

Ahahaha! I never thought of it that way.

In that case, you’re welcome :P

Hugs!
Melody
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Jason "J-Ryze" Fonceca June 26, 2012 at 14:00

I wrote more about this idea here:

http://ryzeonline.com/love-the-famous-and-the-beautiful-theyre-your-leverage

Exactly :) Now you’re getting it :) I appreciate :)
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Derrek June 25, 2012 at 21:21

Ah, Melody…you beautiful genius, you. Instead of having a set of questions, you post one on each day so we who comment can focus on that specific topic instead of a few, which is arguably better come to think of it. And also because you don’t want to keep the blog idle, which is a big bonus.

Have a great vacation, Melody! :)

Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:17

Always thinking of you guys, Derrek. :)

Thank your for the “beautiful genius”. I like that. I may have to have a T-shirt made up… :D

Huge hugs!

Melody

shbni June 26, 2012 at 11:24

yes ! i want a t shirt ! i already saw it in my head !
:)

John R. June 25, 2012 at 23:47

What great timing for this post – had a dramatic juxtaposition happen to me today that brought the question to my mind that almost matched the title of this post verbatim. First, I found out that a 30-year old de facto family member of mine died of a drug overdose over the weekend. Unintentional, and not unbelievable given his past, but that didn’t make it suck any less. After getting off the phone from learning this, I checked email and there was an email from Abraham with the following phrase:

“The basis of life is freedom,
The purpose of life is joy,
The result of life is growth.”

I marvelled at how this phrase resonated with me on some level despite dealing with the intensity of the negative emotion I was feeling as a result of the news about Billy. On one hand, the idea of joy seemed utterly unattainable given the emotional agony that I knew that Billy’s parents and siblings were dealing with, the echoes of which I was feeling as well. On the other hand, the thought of “growth” seemed to be the pathway out of that emotion into something better, something that would lead back eventually to a neighborhood where “joy” may at least reside somewhere. “Hope” seems like a milestone on that path too, although it’s hard to know soon it will show itself.

The immediate actions to deal with are to bury the dead and try to figure out what happens next. We all charted this out and if we can be on the lookout for the glimpses of opportunities for growth that will show themselves over the next few days, weeks, months, I think you just have to believe that joy is out there, too. And that’s what I plan to do. This won’t be a 20-minute pivot to a higher vibration, but I’m determined that it isn’t going to turn out be a 20-year, 20-month, or 20-week one, either. And reading Deliberate Receiving is a tool that is going to make it much easier, as well.

Much love and thanks,
John

Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 00:25

Hi John,

My heart goes out to you and your family as well as Billy’s. The opportunity here, and you’re right in your knowing that this won’t be an easy one because it’s so big, is in changing how you view death. If you listen to Abe, you’ll have heard them say many times that there isn’t any. Billy is not gone, he’s just no longer physical. And he’s also no longer in pain. But you are and that’s ok. Your grieving process is your own (and even understanding that there is no death does not save you entirely from experiencing grief.)

But as you go through this process, and as you remember that all negative emotion is a sign that the way you are looking at a situation is miles away from how your inner being is looking at it, you will have many opportunities to shift that perspective and make peace with what happened. That process is you own and it will take as long as it takes and it’s great that you’ve made peace with THAT.

I feel honored that this blog is of help to you.

Here are a couple of blog posts that may help further:

http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/04/08/dear-loa-how-do-we-manifest-death/
http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/02/16/life-after-death-or-how-life-is-like-a-video-game/
http://www.deliberateblog.com/2011/12/08/good-grief-how-to-deal-with-grief-and-those-who-are-grieving/

Huge hugs and love and light!

Melody

Pauline June 26, 2012 at 05:18

I’m jealous, I wanna pamper myself and get a spa vacation too! Thanks for the short posts and enjoy your vacation!
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Melody Fletcher June 26, 2012 at 11:18

Thanks Pauline! I adore my spa holidays. I always come back refreshed and renewed. And gorgeous, of course. ;)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Sylviane Nuccio June 27, 2012 at 19:04

Hi Melody,

You’ve gotta love this quote from Einstein ‘We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.’

This is really a-propos because basically if you stop vibrating what attracts this type of low vibration people, you won’t have to fight or flee from them, because they won’t be there.

What happens is that long after you actually stop a thought parttern that translates in a certain type of vibration, things are still coming around. Maybe this is not the answer for everyone, but that was in my case.

Thanks for this explanation, Melody!
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Melody Fletcher June 27, 2012 at 23:53

Hey Sylviane,

Sometimes, when we have a lot of momentum going, we have to allow the manifestations to play out even after we’ve shifted our vibration. It that case, it can be easy to think that something has gone wrong and to start focusing on the negative manifestations. But if we just hang in there they will peter out. They have to. It’s LAW. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Kat June 28, 2012 at 17:30

Thank you for this wonderful post, Melody!

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2012 at 23:38

You’re welcome Kat. Thanks for stopping by! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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tony September 8, 2012 at 12:04

Hi everybody,
Melody, I think you missed a great opportunity. Two human beings were begging to understand how to adapt and communicate in peace in a hostile environment. You stopped Brian and shbni from knowing how to love each other and that’s not a joke. Look at them, they can’t even properly insult but they keep communicating. Perhaps they are imitating other people to learn why others keep doing that if that’s so pointless. I think they are both natural helpers who are just deprived from love and still doubt if they are on the right way. That was a huge opportunity to let them express why they feel the need to defend themselves, how they feel affected from other people comments, how they understand what respect is and why that conversation manifested anyway. You saw a situation ready to explode, you could have seen the perfect opportunity to explain why those situations happen. Shine more please, I’m sure you can!

Melody Fletcher September 8, 2012 at 15:37

Hey Tony,

Thanks so much for your input. I agree with you, that in that moment, both Brian and Shbini were asking for clarity while lashing out at each other. What I felt at that very moment, though, was that they were not ready to shift out of it and any attempt to guide them there would’ve just exacerbated the situation further. I’ve learned to trust my intuition when it comes to knowing when to teach and when to back off. The energy around these two individuals has now changed, and if you are sensitive you’ll be tapping into that. But in that moment, I made the best decision I could. They both needed to cool off before being able to shift out of this and trying to force them to do it wouldn’t have ended well. I still feel I made the right call, but of course, I was just doing the best that I could in that moment. I always shine as brightly as I am able to in each moment. And I can only do my best, no more. But how much of that shininess others perceive in each moment is really way beyond my control. :)

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Tony September 8, 2012 at 16:39

Wouldn’t it be great if you explained how you manifested this reality? Of course I don’t say you are responsible for what others are writing or feeling but I think that since this happened in your blog , it’s a part of your reality too and perhaps you have attracted it in a way.
By the way, who helps whom? Is it you who wants to help and we volunteerely join in your quest after having forgotten how things are getting done, or is it us(the readers) who want to playthe role of those who don’t know (perhaps to avoid the responsibility of knowing) and you picked up the vibes long ago and acted writing your blog? What do we learn from that?
I hope you won’t feel obliged to answer if you don’t really like.
Perhaps you attracted me to be your conscious. If that’s so you might still have some doubts about what you’re doing. Just joking. I love your posts. :) ))))

Melody Fletcher September 9, 2012 at 19:22

Hey Tony,

This was my manifestation, yes, just as it was the manifestation of everyone who experienced it. For me, personally, such exchanges always help me to define my own point of view further – this one, in particular, caused me to further define what kinds of exchanges I wanted on my blog. I hadn’t given that too much thought before, at least not in detail. Feeling the energy that day, especially of where the exchange was headed, caused me to want something else instead. I hadn’t defined that before, and so it was super valuable for me.

We attracted each other. I have a strong desire to uplift others, to teach, and to connect. I get an immense amount of joy from doing that. Right now, I’m changing my business so that I can do more of that. Eventually, it’s my plan to do nothing but the stuff I want to do (coaching and writing and teaching). Your intentions to receive clarity make you a match to this blog. You manifest your clarity through this vehicle and I get to be a part of it. You get what you want, and I get what I want. It’s always like that, even if we don’t realize it. Win freaking Win. :)

Ah, my dear Tony. That last sentence implies that you’re a manifestation of my resistance. But what if you’re a manifestation of my alignment? Did you think of that? :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Fonzy Montenegro November 3, 2012 at 06:44

Awesome pic, Melody! :)

I love this part:

The masters didn’t start off being masters. They cleaned up their vibration bit by bit, incident by incident and trained themselves to hold their vibration steady in more and more volatile environments until it become impossible for outside circumstances to distract them from their alignment.

So true and I realized that I can do the same thing; bit by bit, piece by piece on a consistent, day-to-day basis. That’s all it takes to becoming a master of vibrational alignment with Source Energy.

Amazing post! :)
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Melody Fletcher November 3, 2012 at 18:12

Thanks so much Fonzy! I’m glad this post resonated with you. :)

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Gauri August 22, 2013 at 12:48

It is NOT that masters were so aligned and connected that no outside situation could distract them from their alignment. If they are connected, the universe simply brings them situations that match their alignment. If they are connected, it is impossible for LOA to bring them horrible situations that are far away from the vibration they are offering. The universe simply brought them situations that matched their energy, their alignment. Who knows, these masters might have been “in the zone” when they healed and taught. And it is not that they could simply speak with anyone in any vibration; the universe could only bring them people that matched their vibration they were offering. And no one can judge whether someone is high vibrational or low vibrational. If any of the people they spoke with were not a vibrational match, they simply wouldn’t have come to the master’s life at all.

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