Overcoming Your Fear Of Confrontation – A Coaching Call

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by Melody Fletcher on May 31, 2012

 

I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m SO FREAKING EXCITED! Why? Because I have something really, really special for you today!!!

I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned how great it would be if I could post a real life coaching call, so people could listen in on one as an example. I agreed that this would be sheer, unadulterated awesomeness, but I really didn’t feel comfortable asking any of my existing clients to allow me to publicize what is often an incredibly personal and private exchange. So, I let it go.

Then, Linda, one of my awesome readers, emailed me after reading Quiet Strength – How To Stand Up For Yourself Without Being a Bitch. She wanted to know how to confront someone whom she felt was being difficult on purpose. I found this question really interesting and thought it would make a great blog post. I was totally inundated with emails that week, though, and just couldn’t face even one more written exchange (the timing of the Universe is phenomenal), and so I offered to get on the phone with Linda.

Long story short, what was supposed to be a 20 minute call turned into a full hour, filled with full on coaching. Linda graciously agreed to let me publish this call for your benefit and listening pleasure. That’s right, you get to listen in on an actual coaching call, and boy did we cover a lot.

Not only that, but this entire episode has spawned an idea – a way for me to bring you more of these calls, and make coaching much more accessible (and affordable) to many more people. But I don’t want to spoil the surprise or take away from the incredible value of this call, so I’ll wait until Sunday to tell you all about my epiphany. :)

So, without further ado, here’s the call focusing on how to overcome issues with Confrontation:

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During the call, Linda refers to a poem. This is it:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Ok, now it’s your turn to share your thoughts. Was listening to this call helpful to you? What was the most important insight you took away from this call? I can’t wait to read your comments. Yay! :)

{ 31 comments }

Victoria May 31, 2012 at 19:10

Melody,
You are a master with this. I am sure that you already know this but I am a new friend and after hearing the phone conversation with Linda, my eyes have been opened to your clear and COMPLETE posession of the truth of LOA as you clearly lead others in a logical and productive way. I am looking forward to getting some time with you and your ability to bring LOA to every aspect of life on earth. I have an issue with isolation that includes my handicapped child. I need an extra dose of ideas on what to focus on to bring the joy we were meant to have in this life time. Can I purchase sessions one at a time?
Huge hugs, Victor

Melody Fletcher May 31, 2012 at 21:48

Hi Victoria,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad you enjoyed the call. I was so excited to post it. :)

Of course you can book my sessions one at a time. I’ve tried to make it as flexible as possible. You can find my coaching sessions here:http://www.deliberatereceiving.com/loa-life-coaching-packages.html

Huge hugs for you!
Melody
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Penny May 31, 2012 at 22:33

Thank you so much for sharing this! I’ve been thinking about your coaching calls, but I wanted to know what they were like first. Perfect timing (of course)! I’m really excited to hear what your plans are for more accessible/affordable coaching!

I totally resonated with so much of what Linda said. I’ve been in similar positions so often, and the wisdom that both of you provided was amazing. :)

Happy Shiny Kitten Hugs! (I’m more of a cat person heehee)

Melody Fletcher June 1, 2012 at 16:17

Hi Penny!

You’re so very welcome. Don’t you worry, there’s a lot more awesomeness to come. :)

Kitty hugs are just fine (the term puppy hugs is more metaphorical. It encompasses all hugs or even other actions and states that feel like that. So you hug them kitties!) He, he.

Huge hugs of whatever kind you like,

Melody
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Kimbundance June 1, 2012 at 02:14

Glad to have found this blog on law of attraction. You make it easy to understand this escoteric concept. Just reading through you older posts. =) Following along.
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Melody Fletcher June 1, 2012 at 16:18

Thanks Kimbundance,

I love the name!

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Mary Carol Moran June 1, 2012 at 16:12

Hi Melody,

Wow! You are so much more powerful than you realize, girl! Just like you told Linda.

I waited and listened to the call last night, when I had time to relax with the energy flow. I enjoyed listening, and felt a ping of enlightenment at one moment that applied to my own life. You said Linda couldn’t possibly know or control the experience of her co-workers – tada! I immediately thought of the dogs at the shelter. Hmmm…

After listening to the call, I meditated and realized/remembered with a whoosh that all the dogs are God too. Woohoo! I “talked” to my two canine guides, Red Dog and Soos, just to touch base with their awesomeness and wisdom. Then I slept more peacefully than in ages. That alone would be enough for a giant thank you, but there’s more.

This morning when I got up, I realized that the giant shift is that I was holding on to wanting to be present physically when each dog found it’s new home. I wasn’t trusting enough in their own power. Whew!! Let that one go! This is God we’re talking about here! Every one of the lovely dogs/Gods is fully capable of finding and realizing their own happy future!

And… yesterday we were filled to the brim with dogs, so I sent out an urgent request for everyone to share the Facebook album of adoptables. This morning, for the first time in our history – WE’VE GONE VIRAL!! Sorry for the caps, but OMG! When I first checked this morning, 32 shares – awesome! Right this minute – 74 shares. Can I say holy shit??

So everyone, take the hour to listen to this energy-filled call, and all your dogs will be adopted! Or whatever else you need a blast of energy to realize!

Thank you so much Melody and Linda! It’s going to be an amazing day! Big smooshy puppy-pile hugs,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher June 1, 2012 at 16:24

Hey Mary Carol,

That’s awesome! And yes, you can totally say holy shit. :D

This is something that has come up for me several times (and probably will again in different situations). When we want to help someone else, it’s easy to get into a mode of responsibility. But that’s kind of condescending – like they can’t help themselves. And just as you realized, they are God, too. Even dogs. So, you can love them and stream your energy and act from a place of inspiration, which means that you’re co-creating with them (not for them), or you can feel like they are needy and somehow less than you, and that obligation will cause some discord for both you and them (when someone looks at you with pity, it doesn’t feel good).

It’s such a fine line to find, such a delicate balance, and this is really fine tuning at its best, but it makes a huge difference.

Congrats on your insight and on your viral success with the dogs! Yay!

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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Antonia June 1, 2012 at 23:24

Wow, thanks for sharing that conversation! That’s opened my eyes. It felt like you were talking to me about resolving MY issues and I think many other people may find the same thing. The most important insights for me were the visualisations and thinking of alternatives and options to my current way of thinking.

Thank you!

Antonia

Melody Fletcher June 2, 2012 at 00:12

Hi Antonia,

Whatever you heard was your manifestation – it was exactly what you needed, so in a way, I was talking to you. :)

You picked up on a powerful insight – the idea that there are more options than we can see. Often, just the thought that a solution exists, even if we don’t yet know what it is, can bring powerful relief and open the door to a positive manifestation.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Elena Anne June 2, 2012 at 06:53

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes we fail to realize how important we are and let our insecurities rule over our lives. While others can add to that insecurities sometimes, I think it is important to be part of a community. A community of people can help us get through the discouraging times.

Melody Fletcher June 2, 2012 at 14:58

I couldn’t agree more Elena. I’m doing my best to build that community here, so people have a place where they can safely exchange ideas of this level and mingle, at least virtually, with other like-minded folks. :)

Thanks for being part of that community.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Christina June 3, 2012 at 19:21

That was a great call and I would say the message 100% resonated with me. I woke up this morning very frustrated and stressed about my own job situation. This helped me to think about things in a different way. The aggression thing has been a “theme” that has come up for me more than once – either being told I am not aggressive enough, or now being told that I am too aggressive. I’m starting to think a lot of those comments are really a reflection of the speaker more than an accurate descriptor of my own behavior. And maybe I don’t have to be so “aggressive” to succeed at all! Thank you for posting that. And thanks Linda for being willing to share that with us as well.

Melody Fletcher June 3, 2012 at 23:08

Hi Christina,

I’m so glad that this call resonated with you. The idea that we have to be aggressive to get things done is a fallacy. We don’t have to bully people into submission to get our way (and we don’t have to get our way to get what we want). But we still tell people that they have to be go-getters and especially women are often told be more aggressive. Of course, if you then actually get aggressive, you’re a bitch and they tell you to back off. How confusing!

They key here (and trust me, I’ve proven this in an executive corporate position) is not to be aggressive but clear (know what you want), persistent (keep focusing on what you want) and cooperative (be on the side of those whose help you think you need.)

I will write more on this in the future. It seems like a hot-button topic. :o )

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Christina June 3, 2012 at 23:46

Yes, I think this is a terrific issue, and one that I think affects so many people – certainly many women I know, but also some of my male friends/co-workers. I know I have been operating from a position of fear and defensiveness, feeling like I have to “yell” in order to be heard (metaphorically speaking, as I don’t yell at the office)! But it’s not working, and I feel like crap all the time. I’d rather find a gentler path for sure.

I also think many bosses don’t really know how to manage people, thus resulting in an “every man for himself” mentality in the workplace that is incredibly counterproductive as people vie to prove their worth rather than collaborating with their co-workers. Teamwork is so important, but hard to achieve in a dysfunctional workplace! That’s why I liked the part where you and Linda discussed teaming up with the admin folks and saying “hey, we’re all on the same side – what can I do to make your lives easier?”

Melody Fletcher June 4, 2012 at 15:30

Hey Christina,

I couldn’t agree more – this used to be one of my biggest pet peeves. People management is a skill all on its own and people, no matter how intelligent or otherwise competent, do not just magically know how to manage others. And a great deal of the stuff that’s being taught (such as the aggressiveness model) is BS. As you said, it just doesn’t work, leaving managers and employees frustrated and feeling like they’re failing.

I have A LOT to say on this subject (part of my job was to train managers, so I’ve PROVEN time and time again that using a different approach not only works, it works brilliantly to create a happy work environment where people don’t have to be cajoled into doing their best, you can’t stop them from kicking butt). I feel a monster blog post coming (or possibly series…) :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Jonathan Alburn June 6, 2012 at 08:26

Mel, this was amaaazing! This was such a help to me because I was one who also didn’t like confrontation, but would “take it out” on a safer target. I’m confident that with positive energy, I can not only expect a peaceful, grater outcome–and resolution –but can actually have this and endure better relationships.

Thanks!
xoxo
Jonathan

Melody Fletcher June 6, 2012 at 14:41

Hey Jonathan,

Thanks so much! You can absolutely improve your relationships by focusing more positively. And you don’t need the others to do a darn thing. If you change your vibration, you will start to match up with very different versions of them (and/or very different people). And the first time you do this deliberately and see a different outcome, you will feel just how powerful you really are. Go get ‘em! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Nickie Y. June 7, 2012 at 19:04

I was wondering the same thing on handling a purposefully difficult person; without simply ignoring them because this wasn’t an option. Now I’m more aware of what I need to do and can’t thank you enough for sharing this call with us readers!

Melody Fletcher June 7, 2012 at 19:34

Hey Nickie!

Thanks so much for your feedback! I’m so glad the call helped you get more clarity. And you’re so very welcome. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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anny June 9, 2012 at 17:47

Hello Melody,

I just loved the discussion and recognized so much in it, both in Linda’s problem and in your answers. But that is not what I want to react about.

I was kind of surprised to hear that a clerical job (or that particular clerical job) could be felt to be of less value (go back to school and all that), just because Linda, and you too, hated it when you had to do it. I do not mean to say that you really consider it that way but it was the frame of reference of the discussion for a while. Of course this registered with me because administrative jobs are the only ones I have ever had, and by choice. I myself would hate a counseling job e.g., at least on a one to one basis. If I were sitting in on a counseling session for whatever reason and I would have a brainwave I would be more than willing to contribute that, but the important point for me is not to be in charge. In other words, I love a job that enables others to do their best and that has its own degrees of difficulty. I have held two secretarial jobs that would have made the export from a factory in Holland and daily life in a settlement in Israel respectively almost come to a standstill if I had screwed up. Both were small enterprises where I had responsibilities concerning the whole range of action. I loved doing my job in both cases and make everything go smoothly (and that included making my superiors do their job sometimes) but I would have hated to be in command. Others love managing things but hate the ‘drudgery’ of executing all the administrative actions needed for it. It is two ways of approaching things and both equally valid. As are all professions, for people with not so much education as well as for highly educated people. On every level people are needed and on every level people are either happy or unhappy. Important is not what kind of job you have but whether or not you feel good or not in it.

Love,

Anny

Melody Fletcher June 9, 2012 at 18:32

Hi Anny,

Thank you for adding this wonderful perspective!!! It’s so easy to assume that just because we don’t want to do a certain job, that no one does. There are many, many jobs that I would not want to do (brain surgeon, for example…), but isn’t it wonderful that there are those out there who adore it?

Regarding the discussion in the call: When you’re looking to shift energy, you have to first acknowledge where you are. And Linda had the belief, even if she didn’t want to admit it at first, that the clerical staff hated their jobs and HAD to hate their jobs because she hated it when she did it. We had to acknowledge how she felt before we could shift it, which we then did. So, I was in no way condoning the assumption that was made, but it was a valid assumption from Linda’s point of view. It’s of no use to say “I shouldn’t feel this way”, when you do. It’s better to acknowledge “I feel this way, but I don’t want to.” That’s a different starting point and one that allows for movement. And then, we ask the question “How do I want to feel?”, which leads to “What perspective will allow me to feel this way?”.

Any job can be fulfilling and passionate and fun and any job can be a total nightmare. It’s a matter of perspective (there’s that word again…) :)

Huge hugs to you!

Melody

anny June 9, 2012 at 18:52

Hi Melody,

My comment was in no way meant to be a judgment of Linda’s feeling or your handling that. It was just meant as an addition.

Love,

Anny

Melody Fletcher June 9, 2012 at 20:14

No worries Anny. You opened it up and allowed me to clarify a point that I’m sure someone wanted to see clarified (I’m always also mindful of those who are reading the comments). :) I was merely explaining the process.

You rock,

Melody

JoreJj Z. Elprehzleinn June 14, 2012 at 01:43

I listened past 20 minutes and WOW you are lightning fast excellence and multi-skilled and lightening. I appreciate that you shared this personal interaction with Linda, and I appreciate Linda for allowing this to be shared.

Peacefully,
JoreJj

Melody Fletcher June 14, 2012 at 18:09

Hey JoreJj,

Thanks so much for your kind words. Linda was the last key to the inspiration for the Membership site, so I have more appreciation for her than I can express. And you wouldn’t believe the people that are coming into my experience now – those whose calls will be inside the membership site. They are just incredible. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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Alice July 16, 2012 at 09:37

Hi Melody,

I enjoyed listening to Lindas’ voice it had a motherly quality to it and could see she was kind hearted.:-)

I guess you’d have to be on the other end of the phone to “feel” the energy or “shifts”

This is hard for me because I really like the person I see of you on your website and your interactions. Also the overwhelming amount of gushing compliments about this coaching call.
But I just didn’t see what all the fuss was. I’m sorry, just being honest. I’d rather leave a compliment believe me! :-)

I’ve used this technique on a nasty co-worker in the past. They openly admitted to doing things ON PURPOSE and when I did my version of: “what’s the deal” (the assertive middle road, being on their side, trying to work with them) they said “because I just don’t like you” period.
This wouldn’t work on a completely obnoxious person.

Melody Fletcher July 16, 2012 at 20:41

Hey Alice,

Don’t worry. Not everyone will benefit from every call. If you’re not in the vibrational vicinity of what was happening on that call, you won’t feel it. But you want to, which is probably what drew you to it.

It’s not really about the words you use but the energy you are emitting. You still have some really ugly beliefs about yourself (you know this) that make you feel powerless in certain situations. These beliefs are attracting horrible people like that. You can’t just change your words, you have to actually shift your perspective on the whole subject and on yourself in order to cause the people in your life to reflect your energy in a different way.

The way to start would be to look at how it felt to have been told that someone just doesn’t like you. That was triggering something in you. This was your manifestation and there’s a cause for that manifestation. Shift that cause and the people around you will behave differently towards you.

Huge hugs!

Melody
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Kat September 20, 2012 at 21:46

Hi Melody,

In this call, you mention sanitation workers. I must add, if I haven’t yet, that they are some of the coolest people I have ever met. At least those in my area.

They hung out with us in the summertime when we were outside, in my single days. They would chat and it was very pleasant. I still see them having coffee with those who smoke outside their house. Not to mention that they are way sexier than firemen, with real six-packs, and are actually very courteous and well-mannered, making them even more attractive. Firemen tend to know they are a hot commodity and flirt to get attention, while these guys do not.

Melody Fletcher September 20, 2012 at 22:55

Humble hot guys! Seriously? You know, come to think of it, I got complimented in a really charming way by a very sexy sanitation dude in a truck on the way home after partying a few weeks ago. Huh. Who knew? Perhaps there should be a calendar. But no… Let’s keep this secret for ourselves, lol.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Thallenia April 4, 2013 at 20:03

Melody!Peace, Many Blessing . Prosperitiy, Good Health and the Works!,
May Universe, continue to Shine down ( U ), AS you set the captive Free!, Bring Light to those whoare in dark places, and release those who are in Bondage, And Give us , Live, More Abundantly! I am really sovery thankful to the Creator, the Source, The universe, For making and shapeing and molding ( Our Angel Melody!! ) , Angels do walk this earth! and you are one of them,

Thank you for caring and for sharing, for your suffering for Us! AT the time you were not aware tht your suffer was preparing you, with wisdom, knowledge, and insight, and understanding, sothat youwould beable to touch the hearts of people. When yu speak you speak directly to the Heart, you are comunicating Heart to Heart, Soul to Soul, and Spirit to Spirit,

This is how I pecieve you, this is how I feel you! I love your Genuineness!, I love the fact that you are you! I wanted you to know that I feel you! and that I really love, and appreciate you! I am one of those people who found my way to you, I was already on the Path of The Study of Universal Law, One day I was surfing the Net! And I cane across ThisWoman whom I had never heard of, I had just invested At least a hundred dollors in verious books, that I have not even had the opportunity to really get in to, because I have projects that I am currently working on , Changing My Life in to What ! and I am very Excited and It Works! And I know that the more I focus on what I want, and Create what I want, My desire will turn in to a reality, because I use todo this as a little girl, my Father gave me the Money, and the support to do what ever I wanted to do and my Mother gave me the freedon, ! at 8 and 9 years old, I had 50 and 60 dollors in my pockets, every day! And I would travel! to my favorite ;pau spots, Atlantic City Wildwood, Hesery Park, Willow Grove Amusement Park, I studied the Ballet, verious forms of dance, I use to walk accross the Delaware, and I was the Princess of my home the only child, I had a fascinating Childhood , I had no sibbling for the first 10 years of my life, so I was my own bes friend I Loved with tender Loving Care, my father use to tell me as a baby as long as you have your Mind, You are free! and you can do and be any thing you want, my father actually allowed me to fell what finicial freedon felt like and both my parents gave me freedon to go and to do what ever I wanted, and all of my peers and so clled family menbers . use to make the comment that I Did What Ever I wanted to Do With my life and that is because I had ddreams, I had Visions, and Asperations I had a creative Imagination! Of corse as I got older my life began tochange, and I had to go threw mu own Hell and Fires of life, But the Fire did not Burn me up! Because there was a grater and larger Purpose for my life! you make tsome of the Scriptures come alive, for me be cause I can see the living word in you, As a man thinketh so is he,, All things work together for the good,For those of us who Love the Universe, the Craetor the Sourse, and Christ, their are may ways to look at ith Source,
To make a long story short I ws able to do most of the things that I did in my life that I wanted to do, I was an aspirng Singer and Dancer, Although I did not become nown to the World, I Performed with many motown artist, Marvin Gaye, my favorit because we had a relationshupm i was just a child performer and he told me that I was a Star, he was my mentor during the time tht he was in my life, and many others, I got my seal of approval from my peers and my community, and the our own performing Artists, and famous Jazz musians I Tell people I did not be come famous and known to the World , Be cause I am the one that Got Away, This is an up; comming Book! that just poped in to my mind, and Now I have met an even Greater Stare Melody Fletcher, Full of humer, ofering wisodom and knowledge, on how to suffering people can transform their lives, Thank you ! My Sister Melody , your teaching are just like music, you play all of the right notes, and any one can follow the beat if they so choose and get the results, they so desire if they will listen and learn and follow your instructions, I love you and I will be ordering some of your products, I want the news letters, I was not able to get back with you because I was on a ( Roll on the Move in to turning what I want in to a reality, I know that I will Meet you i the Physical at the appointed time We have already connected in the Spirit Peace and lots of Excitement! and Much Love

“” Yours Truely Sunshine “”

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