Dear LOA: Why Are Some People Born Disabled?

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by Melody Fletcher on May 10, 2012

It’s time for another reader question! Awesome Dude asks: “I kind of get that we create our own reality. And I’ve actually seen evidence of that in my own life. I have lots of resistance around money, and so I’m poor. And I can even understand how we create sickness. But what about people who are born with disabilities? Did they somehow bring that on themselves? I can’t really accept that a baby who is born blind or paraplegic did something to make that happen. Can you please shed some light on this?”

Dear Awesome Dude. Yes. Yes I can. Strap yourself in. It’s going to be a long one.

Leave your assumptions and judgments at the door

First of all, we have to dispel the idea that being “disabled” is somehow a “bad” thing. We assume that it is, but we can never actually know what someone else’s experience is really like. When you look at a disabled person and judge their experience to be somehow “less” than yours, you’re actually doing them a disservice. Why do we assume that a life without hearing or sight or the use of one’s legs is worse than one with these supposed “shortcomings”? It is different. But different is not the same as worse. I know this is a difficult concept to get your head around, so let me continue to explain with some examples.

Some “disabled” people have a very hard life. They are bitter and unhappy and fully believe that if they didn’t have this disability, their life would be much better. Some people who have no visible disabilities feel exactly the same way. They are bitter and unhappy and believe that if their life was simply different in some way (born to different parents, win the lottery), their experience would be much better.

Some disabled people are perfectly happy. They enjoy every minute of their lives. They’re happy shiny puppies. Some non-disabled people have achieved this high vibrational state, as well.

We all have something in our lives that we can use as an excuse to feel horrible about ourselves, to keep us from being happy, to hold ourselves back. We can all choose to see ourselves as disabled or disadvantaged in some way. [Side Note: Often, as part of our journey to self-awareness, we realize that what we thought were our greatest disadvantages were actually our biggest advantages.] Some people simply manifest these characteristics physically in ways that are apparent. Others may have crippling fears that aren’t visible, and yet no less “disabling”. Being disabled has nothing to do with your ability to be happy.

“Disabilities” later in life are manifestations of resistance

When an adult has an accident or illness and is left without the use of part of their physical body, this new limitation represents a manifestation of resistance. It’s no different than if someone manifests cancer or pneumonia. The experience they are having will be a match to some belief they are carrying. The disability manifested both as a result of the resistance and as a way to overcome it. For example, someone may feel trapped in their job. They feel like they can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t get out from under the enormous stress. They ignore the negative emotions and keep on triggering this belief, until one day, they manifest an accident, leaving them without the use of their legs. Now, they are literally trapped in a way, their ability to move has been impaired. The experience (trapped in a wheelchair) matches the vibration (trapped in a job).

But, while this experience is evidence of the underlying belief, it’s also an opportunity to release it. If this person finds a way to feel free, even while in the wheelchair, he will feel free in the other areas of his life, as well. And then, it’s entirely possible that he’ll manifest a way to regain the use of his legs. [Note: Brain damage essentially works the same way, but is much more extreme. It involves a partial to complete withdrawal from reality, often the result of SEVERE resistance.]

Ok, but what about the babies?

When a baby is born “disabled”, it’s generally due to a pre-birth intention, instead of the result of resistance. It’s important to understand that nothing has gone wrong. This baby is not being punished for anything and neither are the parents. But why would a baby choose to be born without the full use of its physical body?

Again, the experience of a “disabled” person is not worse than the experience of others. It is simply different. And herein lies the point. We choose to be born into a variety of situations to start our lives in. Some of us choose to be born poor, others destitute, some in abusive households, some in mansions. Many of us chose to be born into situations rife with conflict. We wanted to hit the ground running. The more stuff we had to push against, the greater our potential for growth (overcoming conflict leads to massive growth. A boring, easy life leads to much less growth…)

But it isn’t all just about conflict. We also chose to be born into our particular circumstances because each one offered the perfect opportunity to allow us to have the experience we wanted. We chose to be male or female, because each comes with its own particular flavor or experiences. We chose to be black, white, Asian, Hispanic, etc., because the culture, heritage and yes, prejudices of others offered a certain experience.   We chose to be rich or poor. We chose which region we wanted to be born into. We chose our initial level of resistance (how much resistance our family had, which we then picked up upon birth.) Being born blind or deaf or paralyzed is simply another way to shape our experience. These characteristics offer us a different perspective, a different way to view our reality.

We are the ones that decided, at some point, that certain characteristics, especially those which are physically visible, mean that this person’s life experience was somehow diminished. We feel sorry for such individuals. How could someone in a wheelchair possibly be happy?

And yet, miraculously (sarcasm alert), many individuals who are in wheelchairs manage to find happiness. And joy. And passion. And all of those other wonderful emotions we all strive for. And when we choose to see these “disabled” but successful individuals, we are inspired by them. We’re in awe. And then we also feel just a little bit ashamed for not being as happy as them. After all, if someone could overcome ALL OF THAT, how could a “healthy” person not succeed?

Soapbox Alert

I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to get on my soapbox now. This view is so incredibly freaking condescending. I know that none of us mean be, but when we look at someone whom we have judged to be physically “impaired”, and feel sorry for them, we are essentially saying that these individuals have less creative power than the rest of us. They were born “behind” somehow and now they have to work extra hard to get ahead. We are, in a way, saying that those without these physical impairments are better in some way than those who are “disabled”, even if those thoughts come from a place of compassion and empathy.

I had the opportunity to spend some time with a group of deaf people a couple of years ago. I’d never really had any kind of opportunity to have deaf friends or even been exposed to those who can’t hear (sorry, but I’m not going to call them “impaired”), and I found the whole experience fascinating. I was amazed at the way they spoke to each other using their hands and bodies. To the uninitiated, the speed at which their fingers, hands and arms move is dazzling and it’s almost incomprehensible that the tiniest of movements conveys massive amounts of information. But then, doesn’t that make sense? We often communicate volumes with the tiniest of noises…

Communication was a challenge, but for me, not for them. I was frustrated that I couldn’t communicate with them fluently. We used mostly laptops and wrote each other back and forth. I did my best to pick up some sign language, but as with any new language, it takes time. I wanted to enter their world, if even just a tiny bit, however, so I learned the alphabet and some basic phrases. I tried to really imagine what their experience was truly like without sound. How did their eyes interpret the world? Did they see beauty that I couldn’t comprehend? Did their skin feel vibrations and temperature changes that I wasn’t even aware of? Were they much more aware of nuances in body language than I was? Did the fact that they were not distracted by the constant noise of our world give them the ability to focus on their reality in new and exciting ways I couldn’t even think of?

I believe the answer is yes. Their experience was no less rich than mine. In fact, one could argue that it may actually be richer. But in any case, it’s simply different.

Judging an experience that is different from our own to be “worse” is based on a very limited view of the world – one that states that one experience is better than another, and that we should all strive for sameness. But our world thrives on diversity. We strive on diversity. Each one of us is unique and different in some way. And being differently abled is simply part of that diversity.

“Disabilities” serve a purpose

In the post on ADD, I argued that children who refuse to focus on things they don’t care about are part of our evolution. They are actually closer to our natural state – one where what others think doesn’t matter. One where we refuse to be trained out of our connection, away from our inner guidance, and into conformity.

Children often come into this world with “disabilities” for this very same reason. You can try to discipline a child into paying attention to what YOU want them to pay attention to. Given enough training and possibly medication, you may even be successful. But you can scream at an autistic kid all day long, and they still won’t conform. You can’t train them into caring what others think. They will march to the beat of their own drummer and sooner or later, parents and teachers learn that they have no choice but to allow these kids to be who they are. You can’t argue with a disability.

Let’s say that a child is determined to tune out the world and focus only on the energy of what they want to align with. So, they might daydream to accomplish this goal. But given enough “force”, a child can be disciplined and shamed out of daydreaming. Teachers and parents may see this behavior as defiant and do everything they can to force a change.

Now consider that this same child is born deaf. Suddenly the parents and teachers must use a different approach. The child now has an easier time tuning out the world, as well as a built in defense that the adults cannot go up against. Nothing doing. The kid can’t hear you.

Powerful teachers

I’ve spoken to many parents of autistic kids and they all tell me the same thing: Their kids are powerful teachers and although the road may have been rough at first, they (the adults) have all been changed for the better by the experience. They’ve had to learn patience. They’ve become a lot less controlling in all aspects of their lives. They’ve learned to respect the wishes of others as valid, no matter what the age of the individual.

For example, one mother told me that her autistic son was born a vegetarian. He simply refused to eat meat. Convinced that he would die of malnutrition, she tried to force him to eat meat and when that didn’t work, attempted to trick him by hiding bits of meat in his vegetables. But even as a two year old, this boy refused to conform and simply spit the bits of chicken or pork out. Finally, the mother visited a nutritionist, became educated, and accepted her son’s diet. She admitted that she probably would not have capitulated nearly as quickly if her son wasn’t autistic.

Another characteristic that the parents of autistic kids invariably spoke about what that these kids are happy. They may live in their own world (and who are we to judge that world as less valid??), but they are often so filled with joy, they “infect” everyone around them.  And who can look at a child with Down’s Syndrome and deny their connection? The Happy Shiny Puppy energy simply flows from them. All who come in contact with these kids are changed by them, uplifted, brought a step closer to who they really are.

These kids are often high vibrational beings who have chosen to be born into bodies that allow them to tune out certain parts of our reality so that they may focus more intently on others. Many of them come in to teach us that we can choose to do the same. We can choose to tune out the parts of our world that we don’t like and focus completely on those parts that please us. We don’t have to care what others think of us and we don’t need an excuse to dance to the beat of our own drummer.

They are here to teach us that every experience, no matter how “different” is valid, that limitations exist in the mind and that happiness isn’t contingent on anything but our own perspective (Parents of “disabled” children have often told me that it was a revelation to truly realize that their kids were happy). Happiness isn’t more possible for some and less likely for others. We are all infinitely powerful beings having a human experience. How great is it that we get to have whatever experience we want?

You’ll notice that throughout this post, I’ve put quotes around words such as “disabled” and “impaired”. This is because these words have a negative connotation. I don’t mean this in a “I’m not trying to be offensive” way, but rather in a “I don’t think people who are considered ‘disabled’ are in any way disadvantaged” way. Even “differently abled” isn’t accurate, because well, aren’t we all, really?

I don’t find “differently abled” accurate, because, well, aren’t we all?

[Tweet this quote]

So, I haven’t really found a word to describe people who have chosen to be born into bodies that don’t conform to the general norm. If you know of one, please share it.

What do you think? Have you or can you overcome your pity for those who are considered “disabled”? What do you struggle with regarding this subject? What’s the most important insight you’ve gained from this post? Please share your story in the comments.

 

{ 51 comments }

Katy May 10, 2012 at 19:26

I agree whole-heartedly – seems society is so good at pointing out so-called differences, giving them labels and thus the ‘not normal’ concept is born. It’s been since the beginning of time. In fact if I think about it, I’ve always been a cheerleader for those who are different or looked on as different…to the point where at times I’ve had to deal with the ‘conflict’ of other’s disapproval of me because of it. My parents were ‘out of the box’ thinkers for their time- and I think I got some of it from them…which I am thankful for.

Thank you Melody for a reminder :)

Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 23:51

Hey Katy,

This is something we have in common. Even as a little kid of 2 or 3, I would always flock to those who are different and become their protector. I would not stand for anyone to make fun of them. It simply didn’t make sense to me and it just wasn’t right.

At some point, I realized that getting upset by the “injustice” of it wasn’t serving me, and I often tried to “help” those who had never asked for it. So I stopped doing that. Freeing myself from pity and empathy and just learning to connect with people’s inner beings was one of the biggest shifts I ever made. We are all infinitely powerful, no matter what our shell looks like. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Tess The Bold Life May 10, 2012 at 19:56

Melody,
I think the word would be unique and it fits all of us. My daughter that was born without her right hand is amazing. She is now 35 and a triathlete. She works in the corporate world for a famous athletic shoe company. She continues to show me the world in a completely new way. I’m surprised you didn’t mention Helen Keller. To look down on her would be laughable.

I love this post and I’m sticking with unique;) xo

Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 23:53

Hey Tess,

You’re so right! Helen Keller is a perfect example of defying the expectation that diminished senses hold us back in any way.

I like the word unique, too. And yep, it does apply to all of us.

Thanks so much for sharing your awesome daughter’s story!!!

Happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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Debi May 10, 2012 at 20:35

Wow … I was blown away by your exceptional explanation. I’ve been feeling led to work with autistic/Asperger’s folks and their families to enhance and elevate self-esteem, so your example really impacted me. Thanks. Look forward to reading more.
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Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 23:55

Hey Debi,

Thanks so much! I’m so glad you found the post helpful. One of the biggest shifts that people can make is seeing these “disabilities” as something that can provide an exceptional experience – as a good thing (or at least not a bad thing…) If you can help people do that, you can change their world. And they, in turn, will go out and become the future. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Tim Brownson May 10, 2012 at 22:32

Except there are plenty of studies out there that show people with certain disabilities are indeed unhappier and are much more probe to depression.

Helen Keller would be a great example if it were true, but she was a deeply unhappy child and if not for the intervention of an amazing teacher Annie Sullivan, would probably have remained so. She regularly threw tantrums and got upset at her condition.

Some different is as you say just different not necessarily worse. But if you dig a little there is also plenty of different that it much worse.
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Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 00:02

Hey Tim,

Sure, you can find studies that show that if you buy into the belief that disabilities limit your ability to be happy, that you will, indeed, be unhappy. Of course, these beliefs exist around being poor, a minority, born on the wrong side of the tracks, not graduating from college, graduating from the “wrong” school, being fat, being too skinny, driving the wrong car…. etc, etc, etc.

Have a disability is no guarantee of happiness, just as it isn’t a guarantee of unhappiness. I’m arguing that it doesn’t have to be a factor (it is, if you believe that it is).

Helen Keller started out very unhappy, as many of us did. She railed against her perceived limitations, until she shifted her perception and no longer saw them as limitations. And that’s when she “overcame” them. We all have these perceived limitations, and many people rail against them (non-disabled kids throw tantrums, too), and we can all overcome them. Physical or not.

“Worse” is a perception, and one that doesn’t serve anyone. My main point is that if you recognize it as a belief or judgment and let it go, it ceases to be worse.

“Disabled” people that rise to inspire us don’t see themselves as disabled. And that’s why they succeed. We can transfer that mindset to anything, really. :)

Thanks for bringing up some great points and allowing me the opportunity to clarify them.

Hugs!
Melody
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Tess The Bold Life May 11, 2012 at 17:11

Tim loves to be controversial!!!
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Tim Brownson May 11, 2012 at 18:07

You’re right Tess I do. But on the other hand I only say what I’m thinking I’m rarely trying to be controversial for the sake of it, I just love to expand debates and understand what people are really meaning so I can either agree or disagree. It’s never done just to antagonize people.

BTW, I have for ages been looking for a poster to write my a guest post in defense of the law of attraction. It seems nobody wants to step into the dragons den ;-)

So if you or Melody are up for it I’d be delighted. I can’t guarantee I’ll agree, but I can guarantee some lively debate and I won’t stand for anybody being abusive to my guests.

My honest position is I want to believe in the LoA and even to an extent did after reading Thomas Leonard’s 28 Principles (now Laws) of Attraction back in 2005. but since then I have just seen too many holes.

Here’s my take and if you can pick apart my argument I would genuinely love it!

http://www.adaringadventure.com/law-of-attraction/the-law-of-attraction-is-a-con/
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Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 18:53

Hi Tim,

I just read your post and Barb’s guest post and found them both very interesting. I actually already responded to such a challenge by blogger Winston Wu and published a 4 part rebuttal to his skeptical questions about LOA. You can find the first part here:
http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/03/22/questions-from-a-law-of-attraction-skeptic-part-1/

I noticed that you asked man of the questions that he did. Although I was happy to give my point of view, I want to clarify that I have no interest in converting anyone or convincing anyone of anything. In fact, the whole premise of what I teach is that everyone should strive to find their own truth. But the post I just linked to goes into much more detail on that. :)

I’m looking forward to hearing what you think, and I’m always happy to have a debate, for the sake of exploring and expanding ideas (not for the sake of anyone winning).

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Regina May 11, 2012 at 00:42

I use to work with children with autism and I remember feeling uneasy and somehow less than what they are at times. Even a child as young as 3 used to make me feel that he is a higher being than I am, he is special, he knows everything, he knows what I am trying to do with my bullshit behavioural techniques. The only thing he responded to was love. That’s why I stopped doing that type of work, it is so hard to explain but I agree that they are of a much higher vibration, I can’t explain how or why, but I know it…

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 18:56

Hey Regina,

I completely understand what you mean. When you meet up with someone who has a much higher vibration, it can be very uncomfortable (for you, not them). as long as they refuse to lower your vibration, you will begin to raise yours. That’s great, only it also really triggers whatever resistance you’re holding on to and THAT’S what’s so uncomfortable. You then either have to let go and rise or get away from them. One or the other has to happen. I would guess that as you become more and more self-aware, you’ll enjoy being around such kids a lot more, as well. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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Glynis Jolly May 11, 2012 at 00:43

Hi Melody

I know that you are trying to understand about disability. However, until you go through it yourself, what you understand is way too general. Being disabled for one person is as different to another person who is disabled as the difference between the colors blue and red. Both are prime colors, so are very different. Now blue and red can go together, of course, either separately or together and everything is just fine. However, for each individual, disabled or not, the mixture is different because each one of us is different.

With this said, I can say that I like myself most of the time, even with this blasted disability. I am still me. Nevertheless, my happiness is a little tainted because there are so many things I would love to do that I just can’t do. I was not born with this disability and I didn’t bring it on myself in any way, shape, or form. I was at the highlight of my life when it happened.

I have learned so much be being disabled, about myself and about others. I’ve been able to help people with obstacles that I wouldn’t have understood without the disability. In that way, I have gained.

Bottom line is that all of us have something to learn and something to teach others. We may be unhappy at times just like we may be happy at other times, but it’s all just life happening to us. All of it is an experience.

Melody, you try so diligently and I love what I am learning from you.
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Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 19:08

Hey Glynis,

You are absolutely right – I do not know what each individual person is going through. I cannot know the details of another person’s experiences. No one can. So all I can offer is a general perspective, but in this case, I wanted to offer the perspective that we all have disabilities. Looking down upon those who are visibly disabled doesn’t serve anyone, and it doesn’t make any sense to do so. Of course you have your own personal challenges and are going down your own personal path.

It’s interesting to me that a lot of people think that responsibility and blame are the same thing (I’m not saying you do). They are not. Of course you didn’t “bring it on yourself”. But you did manifest it, and there was a purpose to your manifestation, one that only really you can ever comprehend fully. And you have already started to see how it has benefited you which is absolutely brilliant. The big mindset shift here, the one that feels so much better (at least to me, and I can only ever offer my own perspective) is that “What if disabilities aren’t a bad thing?” What if you got to look at yourself, not as impaired or disadvantaged, but rather as a powerful being on a unique journey? What if your disability was not some horrible thing that happened to you, but a stepping stone along your path, actually pushing you further towards what you ultimately want? Will everyone get solace from that? Nope. In fact, the mere idea of it will piss some people off. But so what? This is not their truth.

When I look at people, I look at who they really are. And from that view, no one is “disabled”. I suppose it comes to down to unconditional happiness – happiness that isn’t conditioned on something particular happening. And that, in itself is a huge leap. But it’s worth it, isn’t it? :)

Sending you huge hugs and lots of love!

Melody
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Mary Carol May 11, 2012 at 05:17

Hi Melody,

As always, it’s so interesting reading your post and all the comments.

For me the term ‘differently abled’ works. As you say, we are all differently abled, focus on the ‘abled.’ People who have incorporated a perceived difficulty into their successful lives are generally contributing and fun. Like you, I’ve always been attracted to people who are different, not from a view to helping them, but for my own benefit through having interesting friends!

Talking about mis-perceptions, I’ve recently been corrected on one of my former beliefs. I used to hate to see dogs living in kennels. In the past few months, I’ve come to realize (from the dogs themselves) that they LOVE the kennels at the shelter. Food, water, other dogs to bark with, loving attention, a walk every day, and the safety of a secure place to relax and sleep – from a dog’s POV, it’s great!

Yes, they’re happy to be adopted, but it’s not from hating the shelter – an LOA lesson in itself. Love the place you are, and soon you’ll be somewhere even better!

Hugs to all the shiny happy puppies out there!

Mary Carol
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Laura May 11, 2012 at 05:53

Hi Mary-
I mean no disrespect at all to your POV but I do disagree. When you say kennel I’m guessing you mean a pound. From what I’ve seen, when dogs are locked up in this manner whether in a pound or kenneled temporarily by their “parents”, it is a very stressful place for them. They are in a place of different and unfamiliar smells. Their sense of smell is thousands times stronger than ours and these places are usually very echoey. So I’d imagine the sounds are probably stressful too, strange voices, continuous barking, lots of closing and opening of doors they can’t see. They are around unfamiliar faces, both animal and human. And they can sense all the stress coming from all the other animals and even some of the humans. Those humans that work in pounds are the ones who have to euthanize some of them, just imagine all the possible types of energy that must exude from them… sad, angry, frustrated, and who knows what else.

Sorry, but I just don’t see those animals as happy. Too many tails between the legs and signs of stress like excessive panting and the barking is a sign of stress as well.

Now crating is a different story. It’s a great training tool and some dogs grow up loving their kennel and viewing that as a safe place to go.

Mary Carol May 11, 2012 at 14:26

Hi Laura,

Thanks for responding. I was speaking for the Colima Animal Control Center in Mexico where I volunteer. I know there are some unhappy places out there, but they don’t have to be.

We have two full-time vets, and ALL healthy animals are placed in new homes. Occasionally one comes in who is already dying (maybe one or two a month), and the vets ease their passage with great love. The citizens here are great, and adopt readily. In the last three months, more than 195 cats and dogs have been adopted.

I wrote a post for Melody’s blog about what I have learned from the Center. You can read it at http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/04/15/being-not-responsible-vs-being-irresponsible/ (not sure how to do a link!). There’s also a link there to the Center’s Facebook page, if you’d like to check out the happy photos.

Thanks again for responding. I believe that focusing on the positive and doing what we can are the best ways bring more light to everyone – human, canine, and feline!

Hug,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 19:14

Hey Mary Carol,

I didn’t realize that this topic would be so controversial!! :)

I love how you’ve been able to line up with the version of the happy dogs. That’s probably why so many of them get adopted!! I’ve been trying to release pity in all it’s forms. I finally realized that by doing so, I was not releasing my desire for things to change for the better. I was simply releasing the view of it that felt so bad – the view that someone or something had been damaged beyond repair or was less powerful for some reason. That’s just not true.

No one goes into a video game and says “Give me no obstacles to overcome. I just want to sit here and do nothing. Maybe wander around the forest for a bit.” We thrive on the challenges, on the diversity, on the bumps in the road. It’s our perception of them that creates all the suffering. I’m coming to understand that more and more. And as a consequence, life is getting better and better. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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Laura May 11, 2012 at 05:36

I find it almost funny that some people are uncomfortable around people they deem “different” in certain ways…almost intimidated. When I was a kid, my family was friends with another family and one of their kids was born with spina bifida. He was a year younger than me and born on the same day, which I thought was really cool. He wore braces on his legs and I remember realizing that none of my other friends wore them and I even knew why he did, but I didn’t think much about it and he played just like any other kid. I remember going to the zoo one day and since it was a lot of walking, his parents brought a wheelchair for him to cruise around in. I was the one who ended up pushing him around most of the time since he was my buddy.

I love the article btw. It’s a great perspective. So I was also wondering what would you say about someone who was born with all parts in working order, but acquired (?) cerebral palsy as an infant? She was left in the car while her mom ran into a convenience store. (This was back in the 60′s.) Baby was sleeping and mom came out to check on her before getting back in the driver’s seat. Baby had stopped breathing. Mom screamed for help and a nurse happened to be in the vicinity and gave baby CPR. Mom took baby to hospital but baby had been deprived of oxygen long enough to cause her to be quadriplegic. And just to add…the “injury” didn’t effect her intelligence. She’s a college grad, holds a job, owns her own home and has home health aides that are usually close enough in age to also be her friends.

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 19:20

Hey Laura,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I remember, as a child, reacting much the same way. I didn’t see the differences as bad, I saw them as cool, or didn’t notice them at all. I do remember that adults would chide me for my point of view though, as though it was disrespectful to think that their differences were awesome. I suppose they didn’t believe me…

Of course I can’t know exactly what happened to that baby, but from what I understand, this was almost certainly also a result of a pre-birth intention. The way it played out, the fact that the mother was involved, would’ve created a very specific experience for both the child and the mother, leading to opportunities for very specific growth for both of them. So, certainly for the baby, and possibly for the mother, this plan would’ve been put in motion well before birth.

Huge hugs!
Melody

Jay Schryer May 11, 2012 at 08:09

As a person with a disability, I have to say that I think you nailed it! However, I also agree with Glynis Jolly above, who said:

“Nevertheless, my happiness is a little tainted because there are so many things I would love to do that I just can’t do.”

This is very much true. 90% of the time, I am fine with my disability. But when my friends go hiking, and I can’t go, or when I want to run or walk along the beach, and I can’t…that’s when it gets hard and I am likely to get upset or depressed. It also bothers me that people treat me differently when they know I am disabled as opposed to when they don’t know. It’s frustrating to be treated as a burden or “less than” other (non-disabled) people.
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Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 20:29

Hey Jay!

Thanks so much for chiming in. I see these challenges (can’t walk along the beach), pretty much the same way I see any limitations that are present in our lives that give us the opportunity to shift. Of course if feels awful to be looked at as different (as in “less than”). Your inner being knows that this isn’t true. But the only reason it feels bad is that you’re giving power to what others think. What they think of you says much more about them and their own limitations. It really has nothing to do with you.
How you feel about what you think they think of you, has everything to do with you, though. And it’s the only thing you can control, really.

And you know what? So what that you can’t run along the beach? I can’t participate in wheelchair basketball, which is a total bummer. Also, I can’t dunk. Or play the violin. Or speak Japanese. We all have talents, abilities and preferences (some people just don’t want to run along the beach…) So what? :D

None of us has a responsibility to be like anyone else. We each get to be exactly who we are. And isn’t that just awesome?

Sending you huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

Melody

Sameer May 11, 2012 at 08:49

Hats off to Awesome Melody,

Very well explained. You again showed that you are exceptionally excellent in LOA.

1. The picture is Wow… I loved it!
2. I have spent little time with deaf people in my school & college time and Trust me I loved them all. I know 2 kids (family friends) & 1 friend’s Aunt with whom I can spend days together. It really teaches us so many things & tells us how incapable we are to enjoy things which they do.
3. My wife has done her project with deaf kids when she was in college. When I see her pictures with them I feel like I missed something very important. And you know in those pictures they are learning how to dance on a very popular Hindi song :)

Thank you so very much for this Article.

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Sameer

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 20:32

Hey Sameer,

You bring up a fascinating point. I often wonder how it must be to experience music when you can’t hear it. Deaf people do pick up on the vibrations, especially if the speakers are good and the bass is blaring. Music that has a lot of drums and bass tends to speak to us on a very primal level and can affect us deeply. I am very affected by music anyway, so I’m fascinated by the idea of experiencing it in such a new way.

How marvelous that we get to have such different perspectives! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Coach Stephanie May 11, 2012 at 19:06

“They are actually closer to our natural state – one where what others think doesn’t matter. One where we refuse to be trained out of our connection, away from our inner guidance, and into conformity.” Yes, Melody, quite profound—we who are so “un-aligned” with our inner guidance have been quite good at conforming….even though my parents were Spiritual Warriors for peace and civil rights, I rejected the chaos of our life (like KuKluxKlan crosses burning on our front yard) and yearned to be “normal” and “accepted.”
So, I became super-normal, did even more than “the world” wanted me to do, thus, lost myself for many years!

Once I found “me,” I dedicated my work to empowering others to find themselves without the same struggle—assuming that is the experience they want!

So, your wonderful blog is a powerful reminder that we are 100% responsible for everything that manifests. And, that we should ALLOW everyone to live the experience they came to the Earth plane for….

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 20:35

Hey Stephanie!

Very succinctly put! That’s exactly what the message was. We don’t get to determine how others should have their experience. Well, we can try, but it’s just not going to work and then all we do is ruin our own good time. :)

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

Melody

Chet May 11, 2012 at 19:42

Nice post Melody… makes you think.

Regardless of the circumstances, I believe we’re all on a journey to experience life in our own unique ways. That’s why I imagine everyone as an “individual”. If two different people were faced with the same type of challenge, they’d experience it in their own way. One person could learn and grow from it then move on. While the other person continues through using it as an excuse not to learn and grow. It’s up to us how we view each other, but it’s more important how we view ourselves.

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 20:37

Hey Chet!

Welcome to Deliberate Receiving (or, perhaps just welcome to the comments) :)

You’re totally got it. We’re each on our own journey, and it just doesn’t serve us at all to try and judge the journey of others. It’s amazing how much better it feels and how freeing it is to let go of that judgment and just accept everyone for who they are, to see their journey as valid and to allow them their experience.

Can I get a whoohoo? :D

Happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody

Chris May 11, 2012 at 20:50

Hi Melody

I don’t believe it when you say that we choose how we’re born. I have Asperger’s, and I certainly do NOT remember choosing to be born with something that I consider a hideous defect. My experience of childhood was one of sheer hell- the only thing I learned was that I couldn’t be my real self, so I ended up suppressing and social-conditioning myself so much that I’m worried I’ve permanently disconnected myself from the real me (at least on some level). I’ve found some happiness in my situation since then, but I still have a huge amount of hatred and resistance for the condition.

What leads you to believe that we choose the circumstances under which we are born?

As i’ve gone on through life I’ve also taken a knock to my hearing. It’s something I’m reminded of all the time through my experience. I agree that it’s a manifestation of resistance, but now the result is that resistance has been physicalised and it’s something I live with. So how can I feel free? Either from it or within it?

Melody Fletcher May 11, 2012 at 23:36

Hi Chris,

I can’t prove to you that my belief is true, and I would never try to. The simple fact is that I resonate with this perspective. I “KNOW” it, for me. It feels so much more empowering than to think that our circumstances are random and meaningless. But it’s not a logical decision (which one makes more sense, etc.).

But I would still like to clarify my point of view, based on your comments (take them or leave them, I’m really not trying to convince you of anything). When I say that YOU (non physical, all knowing, GOD YOU) chose your situation, I did not say that you chose to suffer. We suffer because of the perspectives we adopt in our human lives. This is why I do my best to offer different perspectives that hopefully feel better.

When you ask “Why would I choose to do THIS to myself?!”, I would counter that you did not choose to do THIS to yourself. THIS being the suffering bit. You are choosing to do THIS to yourself, right now, even if you don’t know that you’re choosing it, just as we all choose to feel the way we do, consciously or unconsciously.

You gave yourself a challenge – could you, being faced with the situation you were in, find your way back to Who You Really Are? You have, to some degree, but you still have some beliefs about yourself (that are totally false) that you have yet to let go of. Those are the ones that are causing the hatred.

Why do you see your condition as a hideous defect? Because it has made you different? That’s the whole point of my post: Different is not “worse”. Yes, a lot of people do think it is, but I wanted to point out that we can choose not to see it that way and doesn’t that perspective feel a whole lot better?

Asperger’s often carries a variety of gifts with it. Incredible intelligence for one. It becomes a bad thing when we judge it by someone else’s standards, like the other kids on the playground. But you get to decide by what standard you judge yourself. No one else does. What standard are you choosing that makes you see yourself as defective in comparison? Whatever it is, it’s the wrong damn standard honey. :)

Figuring out what will allow you to feel free is way beyond the scope of a comment. If you’d like to work with me, you can check out my coaching in the Navigation bar at the top of the page. Basically, it comes down to finding the perspective that allows you to feel free. I would guess that your hearing is helping you to become more introspective – focus more on what’s going on inside you. Perhaps it’s making it easier to hear your own voice over the din of the world (and all those outside standards that you’ve been using as the goalposts…) You are going to figure this out and you’re well on your way. I’m absolutely convinced of it. And again, you don’t have to believe me, but I kind of really hope you at least try.

Sending you huge hugs and lots of love,

Melody

Pete Goumas May 12, 2012 at 13:57

Hi Melody,
I believe that if somebody is disabled then God gives him extra sense or qualities that sometimes make them more precious than normal human being and disability should not be the main cause of unhappiness although according to reports disabled people are more depressive than normal people but it is accurate in different circumstances.
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Melody Fletcher May 13, 2012 at 15:00

Hey Pete,

I like that. If you are “missing” one ability, you have another one instead. We just have to be willing to see it. :)
You can find those same studies for any group of people that have a condition that feeds into their beliefs of limitations. That doesn’t make it “true”. And statistics mean nothing for the individual person. Even if 99 our of 100 people in a room were unhappy, that would still not guarantee that the 100th person would HAVE TO be unhappy. It is a choice. Some choices are harder than others, granted, but it still is a choice. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Nikky44 May 12, 2012 at 22:56

Thank you. Now I know how to answer to my children when they ask such a question!! Thank you

Melody Fletcher May 13, 2012 at 15:00

You’re so very welcome Nikky. Welcome to Deliberate Receiving! :)

Huge hugs,
Melody

Bery C.P. May 13, 2012 at 02:02

I believe we’re all on a journey to experience life in our own unique ways. That’s why I imagine everyone as an “individual”. If two different people were faced with the same type of challenge, they’d experience it in their own way. One person could learn and grow from it then move on. The important how we view ourselves.

Melody Fletcher May 13, 2012 at 15:01

Very well put Bery! We each get to decide how we experience our lives, no matter what challenges we are faced with. The key is to remember that we have that choice…

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

Petecito May 13, 2012 at 07:07

More fine work, Melody. This is what it all boils down to, isn’t it. I’m handsome ;) and smart and went to a good school so I can get a good job and make lots of money and be admired. I think it will make me happy and that people will treat me with respect and admiration. Whereas, autistic children, as you describe them, I don’t really have much experience, are already happy and people around them are in awe of how they ‘did it’, how they could get to be so happy considering their ‘circumstance’. They’re already there, in a place, middle age executives strive for and never reach until they contract one of today’s ‘slow down, dude’ terminal illnesses.

I have learned, slowly, to see ‘these’ people (god, I wish I could find a less obnoxious term!) as powerful in their own right. They have a certain something I don’t have and I try and tune into that, from afar, mind!, because I can see that their lens, their viewpoint, makes them happy and I want some of that, as we all do, subconsciously.

Very ‘nutritious’ post :-

Melody Fletcher May 13, 2012 at 15:09

Right on Petecito!

We all want happiness, but in our every day lives, we often strive for anything but. Like happiness has to come at a high price. We will achieve happiness when all the ducks are lined up. And then, when we see someone who has no ducks and doesn’t even care about them, and they are happy, it shocks us. How can that be?

These people (I know, I know, I wish the same thing) are often happier because they have less resistance. Autistic kids, for example, will not focus on something just because someone else wants them to. They hold unflinchingly to their reality. That’s what we can learn from them – stop reacting to what’s around us and hold unflinchingly to the reality that we want. Presto Happiness. :)

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

Sylviane Nuccio May 14, 2012 at 03:53

Hi Melody,

I feel like I haven’t been on this blog for ever. Been very busy and all.

It’s funny how we, humans, grow up in societies where we see certain things as inferior (to us), when, really, who are we to make such judgments?

I happened to have hanged out with a group of deaf people few years back, and being the ONLY one who didn’t know a single of sign language “word” I felt the “handicapped” NOT them. And, yes they were VERY happy.

You can be without any physical handicap and be miserable and be handicapped and be totally happy. Thanks so much for bring this up.

This was a really great post. Really enjoyed it!
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Melody Fletcher May 14, 2012 at 16:41

Thanks so much Sylviane! I’ve been working on releasing as much judgment as possible and this was a really good one for me. As a teenager (not as a child, I knew better then), I always felt such pity for people, especially the disabled. It never occurred to me that I was actually diminishing them with this point of view. Actually getting to know some people with “handicaps”, confirmed this point of view for me. Who wants others to look at them as though they were broken? Not me. Why would we think they would? :)

Thanks so much for adding your thoughts!

Huge hugs!
Melody
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AJ | OpenPsychic May 16, 2012 at 17:16

People look at disabilities as if they were a bad thing, but what if we looked at the magic! I mean, think about it, we can’t change the fact that people we love are disabled. Autistic kids, for example, are some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. They’re so innocent and kind. Their outlook on life is so vast and beautiful. Maybe they’re here to teach us all about that? I firmly believe that “God don’t make no junk!” What if we held onto the idea that there is nothing wrong with us and that we’re perfect just the way we are?
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Melody Fletcher May 16, 2012 at 21:53

YES! YES! YES! I love that: look at the magic! That’s exactly it. :)

Thank you for adding your wonderful feeling perspective here, AJ.

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!
Melody
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libby May 20, 2012 at 09:51

Brilliant, Melody.
Diversity is the key to expansion, no question. When you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, remembering that you are Source, that the larger part of you thrives on new experiences, you see that differences are evolution in action. There’s a genetic condition called Sickle Cell Anaemia which alters the shape of red blood cells. People who have it have some difficult symptoms, and often a lot of physical pain. We may put this down as a ‘disability’ from the standpoint of somone with ‘perfect’ physical health. But it transpires that people with this condition also are resistant to malaria, one of the biggest killers on the planet.
We can get caught thinking about things from an individual point of view, but the larger part of us is evolving too – the timeframe is slower but it’s the same process. Source is expanding, experimenting, testing things out all the time. Sickle Cell may be one of Life’s responses to a global desire for malarial resistance. It’s not the perfect solution, but it’s a start.
It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you’ve got. Plenty of people with different physical conditions do far more than most ‘able-bodied’ folks would ever attempt. Take Philippe Croison. He lost his limbs in an accident 18 years ago but recently swam from Papua New Guinea to Indoneasia.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-18100850
Enough said.

Melody Fletcher May 20, 2012 at 21:30

Hey Libby,

Thanks for sharing this awesome example of how the spirit is far more powerful than the body. And you’ve brought up a very interesting point – that conditions or “disabilities” may be the answer to desires that have been put out there. Without being able to see the whole picture (which we can’t), how can we ever really know if something is useful or not?

I love this idea. Thank you so much.

Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

Melody
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libby May 20, 2012 at 22:18

You’re very welcome :)

@freeyourIB

Alice October 20, 2012 at 10:23

Recently someone asked me something similar and it was too hard to answer.

I’ve been sharing some ideas with a couple of people I know are right into alternative ideas, so I feel safe to talk about some things off this blog without looking insane.

I felt they needed to hear about limiting beliefs and gave the example of how if you don’t feel you deserve good things, you could manifest someone spilling coffee on your new shirt and stuff like that.
I told them how I’m trying to feel better about myself to stop attracting this and that, like getting myself out of unrequited love and friendship.

Their car is always covered in poop, so I thought it was relevant. :-)

Later they asked me about young children dying and all the hard questions. Disabilities came up and my own sickness which has a lot of blood cell factors and maybe something I was born with.

I couldn’t answer and I thought of my friend that has schizophrenia so bad that it’s considered a disability.
I thought of myself and my own struggles.

I got angry and admitted I don’t know the answers or what the point of it all is as I’m still learning myself and not the best at explaining.
I make some things happen but can’t tell you why.

I may get to the point where I’m an awesome manifestor, but will never be a coach like you.
I couldn’t tell them, I got pissed off and was filled with doubts.

It amazes me you can explain the mechanics and answer all these hard topics as it’s like asking me to explain art…I’m good at it but can’t really tell you how to match colours.

This made me understand that I’m actually better at manifesting than I think, I just have to stop needing to explain it to myself.

That’s enough from me.

Melody Fletcher October 30, 2012 at 01:04

Hey Alice,

Being good at something and being a good teacher of that thing are two very different skills. I’ve always been a good teacher. I’ve been honing that skill for a very, very long time. :) But I can’t draw a stick person to save my life. So, you know, we each have our talents. This just happens to be mine. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone. That may come down the line, but for now, focus on your own power and how that feels. :)

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Janet October 25, 2012 at 19:14

Hi Melody, I found this post today because I wanted to ask a question about communicating at the higher self level with my daughter, who–on the physical plane–has her ability to communicate with me hampered by intellectual disabilities. Your post, and the comments that followed are very inspiring. As a mom of a very unique young woman (she is 22 now), I can share that she has poured out so much to me over the years. Caitlin is one of the most self-assured, confidant people I know (along with my son). Where some people see disability, I see through to her true self–her soul. She has taught me how to let go of perfectionism. She has taught me how to embrace my spiritual side (she regularly talks with angels & sees deceased relatives in heaven). I see a bright future for us together out in the world. But my own limiting thoughts tend to slip in. I aspire to provide the earthly support she needs (and my son, too) to enable her to meet her Divine Purpose that she signed up for. I know everything works out for the best. I just want to use the earthly abilities I have to support both her and my son to reach their full potential.
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Melody Fletcher October 30, 2012 at 01:15

Hi Janet,

It sounds to me like you are already communicating with your daughter on a higher level. :) Just trust that she knows what she’s doing. She’s here just as much to teach you as to be taught by you, maybe even more. Support her in following her guidance. You don’t have to figure it all out for her, just follow her lead (the same for your son). The best thing you can do for your kids is to teach them how to listen to their own guidance and to get out of their way as much as possible. And then, just watch and be proud. Of them and of yourself. You’ll have a lot of reasons to be.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Tina May 23, 2013 at 15:57

Great post! I have a son who is considered to have a learning disability, yet socially all his friends deny that he does, because of his interactions and the way he draws people to him they just can’t see it. Now I realize have been too worried and focus on this for when he grows up. Have wondered how will he manage money if he can’t add, etc, etc. Thanks for posting articles that help me see the true light, you are wonderful :)

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