The Difference Between Denial and Positive Thinking

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by Melody Fletcher on May 8, 2012

I’ve touched on the concept of Denial in several of my blog posts – most recently in my post on Delusion. But I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately that all have to do with the basic issue of denial, specifically, how do we tell the difference between thinking positively or pretending that we already have what we want and being in denial? Is there even a difference?

There is. You haven’t been lied to about denial – it’s not a good thing. It doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t help to line you up with what you want – quite the contrary. But how can you tell if you’re in denial?

The short answer

You can tell by how you feel. Denial doesn’t feel good. Lining up with the energy of what you want, does.

I’m guessing you want a little bit more of an explanation, though. So, never one to be stingy with my words, here you go:

What exactly is denial?

Let’s say that you have a crappy shitbucket of a car. You really want a new one. And so, you read a book about the Law of Attraction, which tells you to pretend that you already have a new car. Every day, as you get into the car, you tell yourself, “This is a new car. I love this car. I love my new, shiny, wonderful car.” But, as you’re doing this, you’re totally aware of the crappiness of your car, the fact that it barely runs, that you can’t rely on it, and even homeless people point and laugh at you as you drive by. So, you’re thinking “I love my car”, while all the while you’re feeling “Stupid shitbucket.”

Denial is pretending to think one thing, while you’re actually thinking another. Or more accurately:

Denial is pretending to feel good, while you’re actually feeling bad.

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This is what’s happening when you’re in denial:

You have a desire for a new car.

Every time you look at your car, you become incredibly aware of how crappy it is. When you see a new car on the road, you’re reminded of the crappiness of your own car. You’re jealous and frustrated that you can’t have a beautiful car, too.

So, then you decide to “think positive thoughts”, and plaster a fake smile on your face while chanting “I love my new car! I love my new car!”, possibly through clenched teeth. Your words may be positive on paper, but your awareness of the crappiness of your car has not dissipated. You don’t feel any better. In fact, you may feel worse, since your increased, bad feeling focus will have made you even MORE aware of how much you hate your car.

It’s like you have a festering infection which is really painful, and you put a smiley face band aid on it. You then chant “It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt”, while gritting your teeth through the pain. And all the while, the infection is getting worse and worse. You haven’t cleared up the infection, you’re simply pretending it doesn’t hurt while it still totally does.

That’s denial.

So… what are we supposed to do instead?

At this point, you may be confused. You may be asking “But Melody, you tell us that we’re supposed to pretend… You tell us to focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want. How is that NOT denial?

If you read my words carefully (and you should. I’m totally freaking wise), you’ll notice that I don’t just tell you to pretend. I tell you to pretend so that it feels good. That second part is all important.

Let’s go back to the example about the car.

You have a crappy shitbucket of a car. You really want a new one. You decide to line yourself up with the energy of a new car.

First, you acknowledge how you feel right now: You hate your crappy car. You hate that it’s unreliable, ugly, makes horrible noises, constantly needs repairs, guzzles so much gas that Saudi Arabia sends you a personal Christmas card every year, and it smells like an animal died in there. You can’t actually be sure that one didn’t.

Second, you figure out how you would feel if you already had a new car. It’s not really the new car you want, you see. You only want the new car because of how you think it will make you feel – tons better. So, how would you feel if you already had that car? Well, you’d be appreciative of your car. You’d probably give it a name, wash it often and take good care of it – not out of obligation, but because you’d enjoy it. It would be a way of celebrating the beauty of the car. You’d feel safe and secure, knowing that your car would start no matter what. You’d rejoice every time you went to the gas station, acknowledging how infrequent your trips were and how much less you’d pay to fill up the tank. You’d offer to give people rides, proud to be able to show off your gorgeous car.

In short, you’d feel

Third, you find a way to have those feelings NOW. It’s not enough to say some pretty words. You have to actually feel those feelings.

You can’t pretend to appreciate your car if you don’t.

You have to actually find something about the car to appreciate. It could be anything, even something tiny. For example, it might be a shitbucket, but the stereo works great. And you often drive down the street with the windows down and the tunes blaring. You really enjoy that. THAT’S something you can appreciate. Or perhaps, it reminds you of the party car you had in college. It’s huge and seats a football team with room for a keg. Even if you’re no longer partying, you may be able to look at your car nostalgically, remembering how much fun you had in a car like that. You can even think of how amazing this car will be for its future owner – possibly a college kid who this car will be perfect for. Think of all the awesome times that kid will have in your car.

When you look at your car in this new light, you actually feel genuine appreciation for it, or at least parts of it.

You cannot pretend to be proud of your car if you’re not.

You have to actually find a way to feel proud about some aspect of the car. Ok, so it’s not the prettiest car in the neighborhood. But it IS a car. You have a car. Many people don’t. I know this sounds kind of empty, but bear with me.

This issue comes down to judgment borne of comparison. There’s nothing wrong with comparisons – it’s part of how we create. We notice things and decide which ones we like better than others. Fair enough. But… you have to be careful about what you’re using as your basis for comparison, especially when you’re trying to deliberately feel better.

If you’re looking at your shitbucket and comparing it to the new Porsche you want, it’s going to come up wanting. But you’re comparing it to an even shittier car or possibly NO CAR at all, suddenly your crappy old car isn’t quite so bad. The key here is not to fall in fake love with your crappy car so that you don’t mind not having the Porsche (as in, be content with your disappointing life since it’s never going to change…). The key is to make peace with the car you have (stop hating it),  and find a way to feel good about at least some aspect of it, so that the Universe can bring you more stuff that feels good.

When you feel proud of something, you take care of it. When was the last time you washed the shitbucket? Or waxed it? Cleaned the interior? Perhaps it’s time to get rid of the dead animal smell? It’s amazing what a bit of elbow grease and TLC can do, even for an old, crappy car. A blanket thrown over the seats covers up the cracks and stains in the upholstery. A good scrubbing can do wonders for the dashboard, the carpeting and the smell. A coat of wax can transform a rusty old heap into something quite presentable. If you’re thinking “If I had a nice car, I’d take such good care of it”, start taking care of your car now. And do it yourself. It’s amazing how much pride you feel after you spend some time fixing something up with your own two hands.

You can’t pretend to feel safe and secure if you don’t.

If your car is unreliable, how can you feel confident in its ability to start? If you currently dread turning that key every morning, convinced that the chances of your car starting are about the same as you getting “lucky” at Russian Roulette, how can you possibly start to feel more secure about the reliability of your ride?

You do it by noticing every time your car gets you from point A to point B. Right now, you’re focused almost exclusively on the car’s unreliability. You notice BIG TIME when it doesn’t start and give little attention to when it does. But you can turn that around. Do a little happy dance every time the car gets you to your destination without incident. Thank the car. Give it a little appreciative pat. Acknowledge that you arrived safely and with no issue. Do this EVERY TIME you drive somewhere. You can even tell the car how great it is. Talk to it with affection (instead of calling it every name in the book).

You can’t focus on the positive and the negative at the same time

As you deliberately focus on your car in a way that feels better, several things will happen:

  • It will become easier and easier to think truly good feeling thoughts about your car. After a little while, you’ll notice that you’re feeling much better about it, even when you’re not trying.
  • You’ll stop noticing as many negatives about your car. You can’t focus on the positives and negatives at the same time. You can focus on pretend positives while actually noticing the negatives – but that’s DENIAL. When you truly focus on the car in a way that feels good, you stop activating the negatives of the car and your energy around that subject shifts.
  • Your shitbucket actually starts to run better. As your beliefs and vibration shift, your current car will begin to line up with that new frequency. Your car will actually break down less and run better.
  • You’ll stop calling it a “shitbucket”. The name just won’t seem to apply anymore. Your newfound affection for your car will make you stop wanting to insult it all the time.  You start calling it your pimpmobile, instead. Because you’re cool like that.
  • As you see new cars on the road, you are no longer jealous. You appreciate them and list all the reasons why you like them. Perhaps you even tell your pimpmobile about it, as you drive down the street. You imagine that “Pimpy” rejoices right along with you.
  • Through circumstances that you could never have predicted or orchestrated, your new car finds you. You find Pimpy a wonderful new home and welcome your new car into the family. Only, the new car doesn’t even really seem like a big deal anymore. You already felt the way you wanted to. The new car is simply evidence of how you already feel.

What have you been in denial about? How did you overcome it? What was the most important insight you learned from this post? Share your story in the comments!

 

{ 55 comments }

Nathalie May 8, 2012 at 16:14

Oh, this was awesome and just what I needed today! Melody, you just have a such a way of explaining these things in a way that makes sense, and I sooo appreciate that! (And I also appreciate your very weird, but hysterical pictures! I burst out laughing when I saw that kitty, and I can only hope he got himself out OK!)

This clarifies something that I read on another LOA blog that talked about how using things like visualization or vision boards usually pushes the thing we want away from us because if our vibration/emotion is more on the “I’m using this technique because it’s supposed to get me what I want” then we’re focused on the not yet having, so that’s what we get (the not having, I mean). You have to shift the vibration to appreciating what already is, in order to have more to appreciate.
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:18

Hey Nathalie,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m guessing the kitty was ok. They get themselves into all kinds of jams. Also, there had to be a person who took the picture, so it’s not like the cat was left alone… :)

Your point is an excellent one. Vision boards can be very helpful, just like visualization, providing we pay attention to how we feel when we use these tools. We have to learn to pay attention to how we feel. Always. That’s the key. Rinse and repeat. :lol:

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody
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Derrek May 9, 2012 at 14:12

You have a picture of a cat in a jar and you said “they get themselves into all kinds of jams”. Get it? “Jams”? Right?! High-five? ………….no?

*sigh*

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 14:36

Oh Derrek, Derrek, Derrek…
I suppose I should give you credit for being able to find unintentional puns everywhere. It’s truly a gift. A gift no one wants, but a gift nonetheless. :lol:

Still love you, though. :)

HSP Hugs!
Melody
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shibani May 8, 2012 at 16:42

i have a question.
isnt it WRONG to focuss so much of your time on thinking about a car? isnt it wrong and conceited to want to work on our bodies and take pride in our appearance.
i just feel its intrinsically wrong.
how do i shift this feeling?

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:21

Hi Shibani,

Why do you think it’s wrong to want things? Things are simply energy, and you get to mold energy into whatever you want. The key is the WHY of what you want. For example, if you meet someone who is really gorgeous, but totally arrogant about it, that arrogance actually stems from an insecurity. So, they are acting like they love themselves (a lot) but they really don’t. And then you feel the discord of that and think “It feels off to like the way you look”. And you conclude that it’s wrong. But it’s not.

It’s not wrong to want anything, as long as you truly want it. I might have to do a blog post on this. I don’t think I’ve covered this topic yet. Great suggestion!

Hugs!
Melody
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patricia May 8, 2012 at 19:44

Today I made it 2 of the 3 miles on my walk with no foot or leg pain. This was because I met several other walkers in the sunshine and we had a moments visit in the sunshine. When the pain started to return, I focused on how relaxed my leg could be while walking and how good it felt to swing it from the hip – rather than on the heel pain and the knot in my thigh. I had the best walk in weeks – well truthfully it has been a year since I developed this pain. I thanked my pup for not pulling on the leash and twisting my back and for keeping up with me so I did not need to pick him up or drag him along.

Then yesterday I got some very High energy news and I was so excited I was tongue tied when I tried to tell my neighbor…My daughter is getting 2 awards for her outstanding Master’s Thesis and my partner’s office credit card had enough points I could fly down there to see her be presented with the awards. Everything fell into place…. I now have a more recent experience of feeling HIGH….happy dancing high and I have been able to recall it quickly. YAY!

What a Mother’s Day gift.
I also let go of one of my little jobs trying to make money because the CEO of the company is making life horrendous for Gay folks and I do not want to be a part of this kind of activity that money can buy. What a relief and a kind of joy spread through me…

I have to watch that I do not get into denial again, and I now have a very high vibration to call on to help me keep moving forward and healing the pain. I do not have to work at feeling content to be at home with my painful foot…it will come and the funds will come. So I am appreciating the pain in the foot for helping me feel content so that i could discover the truth about my little job and make a positive decision.

I hope I explained this well enough?
Overcoming denial is a bit like making lemonade out of lemons
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:23

That’s wonderful news Patricia! I’m so happy to see you in such a wonderful, happy space. Keep it up!!!

Keep on making lemonade!!

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody
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AJ | OpenPsychic May 8, 2012 at 19:57

There is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE difference. Denial is in a state of resistance and so is wishful thinking. As we all know, what you resist persists!

I think the trick is to really begin to find good things in every situation. There has gotta be something you love. If you hate your job, maybe you love your co-workers? Focus on how much you love your co-workers and make that your new story. Maybe you hate your old car, but you LOVE not having a car payment.

I think that’s the trick. I’m not a huge LOA fan, but I do understand universal law and I’d rather focus my energy on what I love rather than what I hate.

What do you think?
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Nathalie May 8, 2012 at 20:09

Hi AJ — just a question — what’s the difference between LOA and universal law? I’m new at this, and I’ve only ever heard those terms used interchangeably…?
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:28

Hey Nathalie,

Just wanted to add my two cents. I actually use the Law of Attraction as a blanket term for all the Universal Laws. Abraham does this, as well, and I kind of like it. I find that some people (not all…) can get really hung up on all the labels and it can actually set them back. The idea, IMHO, is to make peace with the mind that tends to overthink things. When we break things down too far and label them, we give the mind more fodder. It can backfire. But… this totally depends on the audience. Some people thrive on the additional labels and are confused by how I lump it all together.

Just my two cents.

Hugs!
Melody
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Nathalie May 9, 2012 at 03:03

What, me overthink things? *Never*!!! LOL! ;-)

I like the idea of keeping it all together. From what I read on the other site that AJ posted (thanks AJ!) it all seems to boil down to the vibration/emotion that you’re putting out, anyway. It’s funny how there are so many ways to explain these concepts, but everyone seems to find (manifest?) a source (you, in my case! lol) that can explain it in a way that makes sense to the particular person looking for the information.

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:25

I think you’ve got it, AJ. It doesn’t matter what words you use to describe it. If you focus on what feels better, you’re moving in the right direction. :)

And thanks for adding your valuable perspective here. I’m sure it will help a lot of readers. :)

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!

Melody
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AJ | OpenPsychic May 9, 2012 at 00:34

Thank you very much Melody! I truly appreciate it!

I do keep those two terms separate, but you’re right, they are the same. It’s all energy at the end of the day and there are plenty of ways to deal with it. We make a choice to be positive or negative. Really successful people do not dwell on negative things. They focus on what works, not what doesn’t work. :)
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AJ | OpenPsychic May 8, 2012 at 20:17

Hi Nathalie, nice to meet you :)

Law of Attraction is one Universal law. There are many. 12 that I’m aware of. They include Divine Oneness, Vibration, Action, Correspondence, Cause and Effect, Compensation, Attraction, Perpetual Transmutation of Energy, Relativity, Polarity, Rhythm, and gender. Here is a great resource:
http://www.one-mind-one-energy.com/12-universal-laws.html
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Nathalie May 9, 2012 at 02:58

Thanks for that link, AJ — I’ve never seen that site before. Very interesting. :-)
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Paige | simple mindfulness May 8, 2012 at 21:30

Once again, it all boils down to feeling good. I used to be fairly confused about many of the principles of LOA but after reading your amazing posts for a while, everything seems so clear. And almost everything goes back to feeling good right now about everything as it is.

And the captions you put on your pictures definitely make me feel good. Thanks so much Melody!! Big Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!!!
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:29

Thanks so much Paige! I really appreciate your kind words. :)

Huge Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs! (It’s catching on! Yay!)

Melody
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Amy May 8, 2012 at 21:56

I’m stuck like shibani. I want more, bigger, better, prettier. I want to be thinner, more vibrant, more snazzy and pizzaz-y. I can’t get past feeling like I should just be thankful for the roof over my head and the awesome neighbors and the car that gets me from point A to point B (with A/C and a great radio). Stuck thinking I shouldn’t want a bad-ass kitchen with a couple of skylights and a new ginormous fridge that will house a week’s worth of fresh veggies. No no. There are people starving and without shelter and who am I to want more?

Incredibly, LOA has manifested great things for me (though I didn’t realize it at the time). I laid down specific parameters for a new car purchase and scored. I wrote down that I wanted to find an awesome pediatrician for my kids = score!! They want to see the doctor for EVERYTHING now.

Point is, I guess, I’m a lumpy, frumpy stay-at-home-mom. I feel like if I could quit smoking and shed a few pounds, I might actually be and have some fun and in doing so, move up that ladder. For now, I feel stuck. And really, part of me doesn’t want to give a crap if I put on another 5 pounds or smoke another pack of cigarettes, kinda like I’m doomed anyway.

I can and will confidently say that I reached a turning point, a crossroad, (insert cliche here) when I discovered Deliberate Receiving. It serves as reminder that the LOA has worked in my life many times and that there’s hope for me to shed this body armor and my cynicism that “everyone sucks”, to let my spirit loose and shine on my kids and those that I love without reservation.

I want to be a shiny, happy puppy!!

Big hugs to you Melody and all of your awesome readers/contributors.

Amy

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:32

Hey Amy,

I wrote a response to Shibani above and will also cover this topic (Is it ok to want material stuff?) in an upcoming blog post. I think this post is needed.

Thank you so very much for your kind words. I’m so glad I could brighten your day, if even just a little. :)

And here’s a hint: If you have some fun, you’ll quit smoking and shed a few pounds. Stop thinking it’s the other way around. :)

Huge HSP hugs!
Melody
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Todd May 9, 2012 at 00:31

My car recently could have been classified as a ‘shitbucket’. The tires were almost bald, my steering wheel vibrated when I braked, I hadn’t changed the oil in 5500 miles. I practiced ‘proactive gratitude’ and fixed what was wrong. Yes it cost almost $2000 for tires, brakes and other maintenance but how I feel about my car now was worth the expense.

Practicing proactive gratitude I believe is another necessary step in the process of attacting what you want into your life. The Universe will bring what you want into your life when you prove you can appreciate what you have. You prove your appreciation by taking care of the things you currently have – cars, homes, relationships, you name it.

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 00:53

Hey Todd!

I love that: Proactive gratitude. I’m sure the love and appreciation you feel for your pimpmobile is lining you up with something even more awesome. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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David Stevens May 9, 2012 at 01:11

Hi Melody,
“Denial”…that was me with my last car….ended up going to wreckers…still haven’t got a new one. Feels good that I got rid of it…feels bad that I have (not) yet got my new one…thankyou for this
be good to yourself
David
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 14:40

Ah, well, sometimes it’s easier to shift our vibration when we no longer have “reality” staring us in the face. If I were you, I’d start by appreciating the crap out of every car I saw. :)
Since I live right in the middle of Barcelona, I don’t have a car. It would be such a waste here. I truly don’t need one (and it’s horrendously expensive to have one here, like having a car while living in in the middle of Manhattan). I’ve really come to appreciate the lack of hassle and responsibility. And I’ve found that I much prefer to be driven, than to drive through city traffic. There’s a lot of freedom in not having a car, don’t you think?

HSP Hugs!
Melody

Tess The Bold Life May 9, 2012 at 01:29

Melody,
You’re funny! Seriously your humor comes through and makes me laugh!
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 14:41

Thanks so much Tess! :D

HSP Hugs!
Melody

Cathy Taughinbaugh May 9, 2012 at 02:27

Hi Melody,

Great turnaround on how to love your car! Do you think denial is different with people? When you can’t wrap your head around your family member’s bad habits, you go into denial to just pretend it isn’t happening. In that case you have to face what’s happening, and bring it to the surface. At the same time focusing on the positive characteristics of someone sends them the message that you do believe in them and have hope for them. Great post – thank you!
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 14:44

Hey Cathy,

Absolutely! These principles are the same no matter what we apply them to. I just chose a car because it was a simple example. When it comes to people, it can get a lot more complex… But the process remains the same. When we can see them in a light of appreciation, we can line ourselves up with a completely different version of them. I’ve done this in my own life several times with relatives. It takes some time, and I had to release way more than just one or two beliefs, but it’s like they’ve now become completely different people around me, even though they haven’t changed at all. I have, though. And that’s the key. :)

Thanks for making such a great point!

HSP Hugs!
Melody

Amit Amin May 9, 2012 at 04:42

This is an absolutely great post. I recently decided to start seriously learning about positive psychology, and one of the common conversation points people bring up is that its stupid and unhealthy to fake positivity – that I shouldn’t be suggesting they be more optimistic or appreciative. But as you so beautifully illustrate, that’s not whats being recommended at all. Great!
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 14:48

Hey Amit,

Great point. I do believe that there is some merit to the whole “fake it till you make it” paradigm. For example, if you smile, it does lift your spirits a bit. But this isn’t going to pull you out of a real funk or shift deep seeded beliefs. It can make you feel better when you’re feeling a bit down, though.
Real happiness can’t be faked. It just has to be allowed. The work is not in “becoming positive”. It’s in choosing to focus on what feels best to us out of whatever we have access to in that moment. It comes from realizing we have a choice in the first place.
I have to say, I love positive psychology. It’s science’s way of bringing LOA principles into the mainstream. More of that please! :)

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

Mary Carol May 9, 2012 at 06:02

Hi Melody,

Denial was the password of my birth family. Maybe because we were taught to cover up problems for so many years, my sisters and I have each followed a spiritual path (different paths!) aiming toward clarity and light.

I like your point that you can’t focus on the positive and the negative at the same time. To me, gratitude is the go-to vibration lifter. When you’re enjoying the heck out of a fresh breeze, it’s just not possible to feel down.

The mutual attraction of LOA led me a year ago to live in a beautiful city with plentiful cheap taxis. When I moved here, I drove a truck with 250,000 miles. We had some great times together, but then I realized that I’m the Queen of the Universe – and Queens don’t drive! Releasing the ‘should’ of “I should have a vehicle” has been awesome! Now I get to appreciate great conversations with taxi drivers and not stopping for gas, and not having repair bills!

To me, denial is living your life under a blanket, and positive thinking is lifting your face to the sun.

Happy Shiny Starry Bright Hugs,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 15:03

Hey Mary Carol (or shall I say “reina”) :)

I love that. I prefer to be driven myself. Barcelona has tons of taxis and they’re super cheap as well. So when I can’t walk somewhere, I gladly cab it. And you’re so right. Taxi drivers make awesome conversationalists. They always know what’s going on. :)

Love the metaphor!

Happy Shiny Spacey Supernova Hugs,
Melody

Vishnu May 9, 2012 at 06:56

another great article to beat the law of attraction into our body Melody! after your many many articles and examples, I constantly am thinking about how I’m feeling towards something and how to change those feelings to more positive ones. I’ve even started advising others on this in every issue in their life:) changing one’s vibrational frequency does have a way of changing the circumstances around you.
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 15:04

Hey Vishnu!

Well, I’m not sure that I’d like to think of myself as beating the LOA into people, LOL. I’d rather think I sprinkle it on them and they absorb it. He, he.

Isn’t it great how happiness spreads? :D

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

Derrek May 9, 2012 at 14:49

Crazy-awesome article. Thank you, oh wise Melody. The one thing that caught my eye instantly when reading this and your older articles is when you say the object we want isn’t the payoff, but it’s how it’ll make us feel. That’s why whenever I’m not happy with something, I always remember that the goal here is to feel happy. When that happens, I make sure I find some way to feel better about whatever it is I don’t like, knowing that by doing so I’m already reaching the goal without obtaining the “new” object…which will eventually lead me to the object OR something better.

This way, I don’t spend my time fixated on a certain object or person. It isn’t giving-up, it’s just letting go. It’s an instant relief to anxiety and fear and everything else.

Anyway, about cars. Believe it or not, I actually give my car a pat whenever I find an easy parking space. My car’s small and it fits remarkably well in the tiniest spots. It’s not an expensive car, not a big car, it’s not a new car anymore, and it doesn’t come with a lot of extras. But I absolutely love it. It has always been a symbol of my freedom. I don’t have to depend on anyone anymore. And even though it’s not fancy, it has taken me places, allowed me to go wherever I want whenever I want, to just listen to my favorite music without any interruptions, to help others with transport, and just a truckload of other things.

Enough about my car. Here’s a quick tip on how to feel better in case you’ve got a “shitbucket”. The Carmasutra. As in… have sex in your car. No really. If your car really is that bad, it’ll blend-in perfectly around abandoned factories and deserted areas. Get frisky in it with your boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife. There’s absolutely NO WAY you can feel bad about something you just had sex in. “Shitty car? Doesn’t matter, had sex!!” It’ll turn your car from shitbucket to The SexxBoxx instantly. When you drive in it the next morning, all you’ll think of is how many orgasms you / your partner had while the two of you were nudged between the front and back seats. With a little creativity and reclining seats, you’ll be working all the positions in no time. Are you a moaner? No problem. The windows are jammed up so tight no one can hear you calling him Mr.Big or you calling her Ms.Lolita Loveshaft. Disturbing the neighbors? Unless you’re doing it at a drive-thru movie, there are no neighbors! Just make sure you’re not directly under a security camera or something, and you’re good to go. :)

….I am 100% serious. Try it. Just make sure you wipe the seats afterwards before giving others a lift.

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 15:10

Ahahahahah Derrek! I love it! The Sexxboxx! SO much better than the Pimpmobile!!! I think you’re right. If you’ve had any kind of really positive experience in your car, you can associate those experiences with the car. You then can’t help but love it.

People think that if they love what they have that means giving up wanting something better. But hating what we have now actually keeps us from getting something better. I adore my apartment. But I’m already creating my next one and it will have features this one doesn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m not satisfied here (Ooh! I just realized your sex idea works for apartments, too! Ha), I appreciate the crap out of it. AND at the same time I am lining myself with something even better, not from a place of dissatisfaction, but from a place of “more, more, more”.

And just like that, everything I write sounds dirty.

Happy, Shiny, dirty dirty, Puppy Hugs! :lol:

Melody

Derrek May 10, 2012 at 12:04

Well the Pimpmobile inspired the SexxBoxx so, yeah. :)

You know, speaking of your apartment, how about you take a trip to Marina Bay Sands in Singapore? It literally has a “borderless” pool that overlooks the skyline on top of a skyscraper. Visualizing something is awesome, but physically experiencing something like that should get you to that rooftop Jacuzzi in no time. I mean, I know you’re pretty awesome with the LOA stuff, but thought I’d just suggest it. It’ll take visualizing a rooftop pool to all-new heights. :)

Check out these pics:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_sBx1I8XJ7uU/TCRM7yOk34I/AAAAAAAAE4Q/ZkqPi-ggYig/s1600/skypark-marina-bay-sands-infinity-pool-view.JPG

http://www.luxury-insider.com/uploads/galleries/2011/08/ku-de-ta-pool-view.jpg

But anyway, yes, my “have sex” idea works in apartments as well, and everything in it. Don’t like the washing machine? Have sex on it. You’ll never look at it as an old washing machine again. Ever. On that note, I’d ask how much you love your current apartment already, but that’s just asking for too much information. :p

Major high-fives and ninja stances,
Derrek

Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 15:44

Wow! I hadn’t thought of an endless pool… I was thinking so small. Just a measly Jacuzzi! Ha, ha.
Actually, I still want one. But I’m definitely enticed to visit this hotel in Singapore. An infinity pool on a skyscraper. I think that might have to make it into the vision for the apartment AFTER the next one (I don’t quite believe that this would be possible in the center of Barcelona… so I have to either clear that up or create it some place else…)

Now, now, Derrek. A girl has to keep some secrets! It’s what makes me so mysterious. :P

Hugs!
Melody

Elle May 9, 2012 at 15:09

As always Melody, you put things so clearly and as an added bonus, you make me laugh! You’re right, of course, there’s a big difference between ignoring and denying. Feeling is definitely the secret. Thinking feelingly of any state of affairs is a sure fire way to experience them, so as you say, finding things to feel good about is definitely the way to go. Life responds by bringing more to feel good about. Gotta love the system. :-)
Encourage one another.
Elle
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Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 17:38

Thanks so much Elle! Paying attention to our feelings is definitely the key. It’s something we’ve been taught to ignore and so we have to re-learn the skill and allow ourselves to prioritize how we feel (which can be difficult in our society). But it pays off in spades. :)

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

ss May 9, 2012 at 15:16

hey melody

that was truly AWESOME

can you please write the whole post in terms of money…
the steps on how to change your attitude about money

Melody Fletcher May 9, 2012 at 17:40

Hey SS,

I actually already did. You can find it here:
Becoming a Money Magnet – How To Make Money Your Bitch.

I hope that’s helpful. :)

HSP Hugs!
Melody

Brian May 9, 2012 at 20:00

Melody, that’s just great and kindled an amazing idea! Do you think this method would also work if i want to manifest a new wife instead of a car? Together with a new and improved mother-in-law?

To whom it concerns, i apologize in advance. This is NOT meant to offend anyone.

Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 00:04

Ahahaha Brian. Believe it or not, yes. These same techniques will work on people. You may then elicit the version of your wife and mother in law that you want (that is totally possible), or, you may manifest a new wife (if a version of her that matches what you are aligning with does not exist). In that case, providing you keep your energy high, the split could be quite amicable, at least for you.

I may have to use your question for a blog post. It’s just too funny. :lol:

Super puppy hugs!
Melody

Brian May 10, 2012 at 09:57

Thank you, that’s amazing! You made my day ~ head bonks and purrs to you!

Sameer May 10, 2012 at 10:11

Hey Awesome Melody,

This article clears all the doubts and confusions that will have issues while pretending & not getting there where they want to. Excellent Article!!!

I have something to share on this:

I believe a complete SURRENDER is required when you want to trust/believe something or on somebody, be it situation, person or God.

I would like to use 1 reference from Bhagwat Gita (700-verse Hindu scripture) – Hanuman was a strong believer of Lord Rama. Once he told Rama: My belief in you is stronger than you. Rama asked how that can be. Hanuman said: I can fly taking your name, a stone can float on water if I write your name on it but, you can’t fly neither you can walk on water that’s way my belief in you is more stronger than you.

I feel this is the best example of complete surrender or believing what you believe. Like you mentioned unless we don’t feel good about it, there no use we pretend.

Huge Hugs & Love,
Sameer

Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 15:36

Hi Sameer,

You’re absolutely right. Surrender is a HUGE part of the equation. I prefer to say “letting go” or “allowing”, because people tend to think that surrendering means to give up on one’s dream – as in “this is how it is, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m going to give up wanting what I want.”
But that’s not it at all (as you understand). True surrender is taking a leap of faith that things CAN work out the way we want them to, even if we don’t know how. It’s focusing, unflinchingly, on what we want, and refusing to hold on to those thoughts that make us feel bad. We have to let go of the fight, not the dream. :)

Thanks for sharing your insights here, Sameer!

Happy Shiny Puppy Hugs!
Melody

Amy Turner May 10, 2012 at 14:00

Melody, you are so good in providing the most down to earth example. I love the analogy of the crappy car. I really appreciate the message behind, which, simply put, is “just find the good side of the person (or thing, event, anything) that maybe puts a cloud on our horizon. When we succeed in finding this, we can see the sunlight bursting through that patch of cloud, right? Love your post, as always.
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Melody Fletcher May 10, 2012 at 15:39

Thanks so much Amy! And you’re absolutely right. This can be applied to any situation. If you can find a good feeling perspective on whatever situation doesn’t feel good, you not only feel better, but the situation will change to reflect your new vibration. :)

HSP Hugs!
Melody

happiness :) May 11, 2012 at 01:02

Hi Melody! I totally love this site! All of your posts make me smile! You had a great example with the old car vs. new car, but how would this apply to manifesting a relationship /marriage/anything intangible?

Melody Fletcher May 25, 2012 at 16:09

Hi Happiness,

I’m so sorry, I somehow missed this comment. Oopsy.
The principles are exactly the same. You would focus on what you want, the feeling you want to have and then find anything in your experience that already allows you to feel that way. You could notice all the attractive, funny, intelligent, whatever women or men in your reality, for example. Appreciate the qualities you want in a mate, wherever you find them. Is your friend’s mate kind, for example? Appreciate that kindness. You can’t be appreciating all the great qualities around you and focus on feeling lonely at the same time.

I hope that was helpful.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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David Recovery First May 25, 2012 at 02:24

“Lining up with the energy of what you want, does.” That’s a GREAT way of putting it! I’ve dealt with a lot of patients at drug rehab clinics, and this echoes what they experience to a “T.” Contrary to what many people believe, addiction isn’t really a choice – and neither is prolonged drug abuse. Addicts think they want drugs, but they’re really just in denial about what’s really good for them, and how bad their problems have become.
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Melody Fletcher May 25, 2012 at 16:17

Hey David,

Thanks so much for the validation. When we look at someone else’s situation and judge their choices, we are doing so from our on perspective. We think they have more options than they actually do. Why doesn’t that person just get treatment? Because they don’t currently see that as a choice that’s emotionally open to them. Often, even the just the thought of facing ones problems is enough to cause them to run for the hills. Drug Addiction is a massive form of denial, and no matter what the horrific consequences, the alternative – to face one’s demons, seems worse. This is why people often have to hit rock bottom before they can change. The balance tips. The suffering has become so great that the prospect of facing their fears doesn’t loom as large. It can’t be worse than the rock bottom feeling… Thinking it’s all about a physical dependency is a huge mistake (no counselors think that, but many in the public do).

It’s wonderful that someone with your level of understanding and consciousness is working in recovery. Yay! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Alice August 6, 2012 at 06:18

Hi Melody,

I think you could sell books. Some articles need re-reading you read once, comment in excitement, go through entire website over months then come back to things you’ve forgotten.
Have an updated opinion with new information and better understanding of your thought process.
Can reference other blogs more often. It’s all related. See contradictions between blogs. Get confused, come back.. Compare. Try to squish it all into brain so it lines up, doesn’t contradict, answers all the question and applies to oneself.

I’d lend people hardcopy books of your articles and each article could be a chapter. You could divide the book into sections or themes.
Leave out the comment section.

That way people like granny who doesn’t have an internet connection could read your stuff.

Also one is a LOA version. The other edition has LOA references altered or backspaced so your advice can reach all people–even those that don’t like LOA. YOU’D INSIDIOUSLY HELP THEM HAHAHA!
They wouldn’t even know it was a LOA book. Just good advice.

Melody Fletcher August 6, 2012 at 16:48

Hey Alice,

Thanks! I’m actually formulating the idea for my first book (not the weight loss one, an actual book that will be available on Amazon). Essentially, it will be a combination of the free ebook and some of the blog articles, but rewritten so it all flows together. I have a lot of details to iron out (I’ve never published a book), like do I self publish or go with a publisher, etc. But I’m working on it and am excited about it. Thanks for the support! :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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