Tia Sparkles at YourLifeYourWay.net wrote an intriguing post the other day that got me thinking: 11 Questions you’re NOT asking that could change your life. After losing his best friend to cancer in 2005, Jayson Krause realized that they’d never really gotten to know each other. They talked often, but rarely got beyond small talk. In an attempt to connect more deeply with people, he asked 52 people (one each week for a year) the following questions and turned the results into a website, and eventually a book. Tia challenged her readers to answer these questions for themselves and I loved the concept so much, I’ve decided to turn the exercise into a blog post and then challenge you, you awesome peeps, to answer the questions in the comments. You may even be inspired to leave the small talk behind and really connect with someone the next time you have a conversation.
Ready to connect? Here we go:
1. What is your dream job?
I have it. I help people remember who they really are. I immerse myself in the truths of the Universe and I write about it, a passion of mine since I was a small child. I get to spout off my opinions on a regular basis and people actually listen to them, a passion of mine since I was a small child (ha!). I get to be silly and giddy and happy and shiny. I get to be myself. I adore my boss, who is just the coolest chic ever and lets me take a day off whenever I want. I get to connect with truly awesome people, more of which are finding my blog every day.
Whenever I meet new people, I tend to struggle a bit when they ask me what I do. The Secret wasn’t all that big here in Spain, so when I tell them I’m a Law of Attraction coach, they think I help people find love (or maybe sex. Oh God. Do they think I’m a pimp?). I was talking to my mom about this one day and she said “It’s easy. You make people happy. When they visit your site or talk to you, they feel better. That’s what you do.” I like that. I make people happy. Best. Job. Ever.
2. What fulfils you?
Being witness to someone else’s shift. When I talk to people for more than five minutes, I generally connect with their energy. I can’t help it. And I put all my attention on the best version of them, which helps them to find a better feeling place. When I combine this with a bit of coaching (which I often do spontaneously, again, I can’t help it. It just comes out), it can cause a profound shift in energy. And, because I’m an empath, I get to feel that shift. I never felt their pain, but I do get to feel the energy moving. It’s like a wave of happy running through my body and it leaves me high and giddy for the rest of the day. I feel so privileged and honored every time I get to be a part of this rather intimate process with someone.
3. What’s your greatest fear?
Honestly, I’ve gotten rid of so many of my fears, that I had to really think about this one. There aren’t any huge ones looming, not in terms of something happening or not happening (there are other beliefs to be released, but I wouldn’t consider them fears in that sense). But, I suppose the biggest fear I still have is that I’ll regain all of my weight. I lost almost 100 pounds in the last year (details coming soon, I promise!), and every once in a while I’ll have a “fat” day – I wake up feeling fat and bloated. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, this fear pops up. I’ve soothed it quite a bit, but it’s not completely gone yet. I spent so many years being terrified of my weight, by my body, food, and feeling like I had no control over my body’s dimensions, that the energy of this belief is huge and deeply rooted. Every time I think I’m done, I discover a new layer, so it’s taking me a while. The upshot is that this belief only gets seriously triggered once every few months now, so it’s not a daily thing and I don’t really worry about it. It doesn’t affect me on a daily basis (I don’t even weigh myself anymore). The day will come soon when I’ll be completely free of it, I’m certain of it.
4. What do you want more of in life?
More joy. More happiness. More like minded friends. More excitement. More adventure. More play! More awesomeness! More freedom! More giddiness! More dirty jokes! More clean jokes! More sunshine! More nights out with great friends! More incredible, fully connected conversations! More “coincidences”! More love! More puppies! More uncontrollable laughter that makes me nearly pee my pants! More being who I truly am, with no fear, no limitations, just purely, unadulterated, authentically ME! Yay!
5. What is your greatest accomplishment?
This site. Seriously. The steps that led up to me leaving the corporate world and everything that meant and allowing myself to follow my passion and become this weird person who talks about vibration and energy and happiness were enormous. This site represents that change and I consider it to be the symbol for who and what I’ve become and who and what I’m becoming. So, I guess my greatest accomplishment, really, is me.
6. What are you ashamed of?
I’m not. I truly have no shame. Not anymore. There’s no point to it. Shame is just an excuse to feel badly about ourselves. Why the hell would I want to do that? I cannot regret my past or anything I’ve done. Each experience I had, each mistake I made, brought me to where I am today. And I love where I am today. So I can’t regret anything and I refuse to be ashamed of anything. Would I react differently if I could go back? Perhaps. But that’s because I’m not the same person now that I was then. All I can focus on is now, doing my best now, being who I really want to be NOW. The past is irrelevant.
7. What makes you sad?
When I get sad, it doesn’t last long. But it does happen. Usually, it’s when I see someone who’s in a great deal of pain, and doesn’t realize that they have a choice. They don’t know and can’t see that they can choose to think differently and therefore feel better. And they’re not in a place where they can hear me. I know that everyone is on their own path and that everyone will find their own way, and that it’s absolutely not my job to save anyone. I know this unequivocally. But seeing people in their disconnection still makes me sad sometimes. I’m working on that, though.
8. What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced?
Uff. Well, I would have to say, the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through happened to me in one single night. It was an Ayahuasca ceremony (shamanic ceremony) and on this particular night I experienced what some would call “ego death”. The ego doesn’t really die and shouldn’t, but I had to give up everything I’ve ever known to be Melody in order to embrace who I really am. I had to drop all the masks, all the protective mechanisms I’ve ever build up, tear down all the walls. And that was f#@ing scary. It exposed me to all my fears – fears I’d been keeping at bay with all those walls, fears about not being good enough, about not fitting in, about not being accepted, not being approved of. I had to do this in order to finally feel how connected I am to everything, and to discover who I really am (we are all part of the same soup of energy, but we are still individual consciousness, experiencing our realities from our own unique perspective). Yeah… deep shit, I know.
I lost all track of time and spent hours, but what seemed like weeks, in absolute terror. After talking to my sister, who’s a mom, we concluded that it was quite a bit like giving birth. You go through more pain and fear than you ever thought you’d be able to handle; you have no idea when it’s going to end and time loses all meaning; there is only suffering; you somehow know you’re going to make it, though and when it’s done, no matter how horrific the experience was, you consider it worth it. It was life changing to be sure. And no, I don’t recommend this method of growth, even though I don’t regret a single second of it.
9. What’s great about you?
I know who I am, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’m honest and real. I don’t play games. There’s no bullshit. What you see is what you get. And, I see who you really are, in all of your shining glory. And maybe, just maybe, that lets you catch a glimpse of who you really are, too. I think what’s so great about me is that I can see and pay a lot of attention to what’s so great about you.
10.Who are you?
I’m a being of light and love, a powerful creator, and part of me is having this delicious, awesome, incredible physical experience. I’m a teacher. I’m a happy, shiny puppy. I am Spartacus. (Just checking if you’re still paying attention…)
11.What inspires you?
People who are truly authentic inspire me. People who let their inner light shine through in whatever they do, who follow their hearts, inspire me. People who are unafraid to follow their intuition, or are afraid but do it anyway, inspire me. Beauty inspires me. Sunsets and flowers and the perfection of everything inspire me. Music inspires me. Life inspires me. Pretty much everything inspires me.
Ok, now it’s your turn. Will you answer these 11 questions? How often do you get beyond small talk with people in your daily life? Share your thoughts in the comments and connect with all of us. If you answer them in a blog post, leave a comment with the link here!