Screw Smalltalk! 11 Questions That Help You Truly Connect

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by Melody Fletcher on January 29, 2012

Tia Sparkles at YourLifeYourWay.net wrote an intriguing post the other day that got me thinking: 11 Questions you’re NOT asking that could change your life. After losing his best friend to cancer in 2005, Jayson Krause realized that they’d never really gotten to know each other. They talked often, but rarely got beyond small talk. In an attempt to connect more deeply with people, he asked 52 people (one each week for a year) the following questions and turned the results into a website, and eventually a book. Tia challenged her readers to answer these questions for themselves and I loved the concept so much, I’ve decided to turn the exercise into a blog post and then challenge you, you awesome peeps, to answer the questions in the comments. You may even be inspired to leave the small talk behind and really connect with someone the next time you have a conversation.

Ready to connect? Here we go:

1.     What is your dream job?

I have it. I help people remember who they really are. I immerse myself in the truths of the Universe and I write about it, a passion of mine since I was a small child. I get to spout off my opinions on a regular basis and people actually listen to them, a passion of mine since I was a small child (ha!). I get to be silly and giddy and happy and shiny. I get to be myself. I adore my boss, who is just the coolest chic ever and lets me take a day off whenever I want. I get to connect with truly awesome people, more of which are finding my blog every day.

Whenever I meet new people, I tend to struggle a bit when they ask me what I do. The Secret wasn’t all that big here in Spain, so when I tell them I’m a Law of Attraction coach, they think I help people find love (or maybe sex. Oh God. Do they think I’m a pimp?). I was talking to my mom about this one day and she said “It’s easy. You make people happy. When they visit your site or talk to you, they feel better. That’s what you do.” I like that.  I make people happy. Best. Job. Ever.

2.     What fulfils you?

Being witness to someone else’s shift. When I talk to people for more than five minutes, I generally connect with their energy. I can’t help it. And I put all my attention on the best version of them, which helps them to find a better feeling place. When I combine this with a bit of coaching (which I often do spontaneously, again, I can’t help it. It just comes out), it can cause a profound shift in energy. And, because I’m an empath, I get to feel that shift. I never felt their pain, but I do get to feel the energy moving. It’s like a wave of happy running through my body and it leaves me high and giddy for the rest of the day. I feel so privileged and honored every time I get to be a part of this rather intimate process with someone.

3.     What’s your greatest fear?

Honestly, I’ve gotten rid of so many of my fears, that I had to really think about this one. There aren’t any huge ones looming, not in terms of something happening or not happening (there are other beliefs to be released, but I wouldn’t consider them fears in that sense). But, I suppose the biggest fear I still have is that I’ll regain all of my weight. I lost almost 100 pounds in the last year (details coming soon, I promise!), and every once in a while I’ll have a “fat” day – I wake up feeling fat and bloated. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, this fear pops up. I’ve soothed it quite a bit, but it’s not completely gone yet. I spent so many years being terrified of my weight, by my body, food, and feeling like I had no control over my body’s dimensions, that the energy of this belief is huge and deeply rooted. Every time I think I’m done, I discover a new layer, so it’s taking me a while. The upshot is that this belief only gets seriously triggered once every few months now, so it’s not a daily thing and I don’t really worry about it. It doesn’t affect me on a daily basis (I don’t even weigh myself anymore). The day will come soon when I’ll be completely free of it, I’m certain of it.

4.     What do you want more of in life?

More joy. More happiness. More like minded friends. More excitement. More adventure. More play! More awesomeness! More freedom! More giddiness! More dirty jokes! More clean jokes! More sunshine! More nights out with great friends! More incredible, fully connected conversations! More “coincidences”! More love! More puppies! More uncontrollable laughter that makes me nearly pee my pants! More being who I truly am, with no fear, no limitations, just purely, unadulterated, authentically ME! Yay!

5.     What is your greatest accomplishment?

This site. Seriously. The steps that led up to me leaving the corporate world and everything that meant and allowing myself to follow my passion and become this weird person who talks about vibration and energy and happiness were enormous. This site represents that change and I consider it to be the symbol for who and what I’ve become and who and what I’m becoming. So, I guess my greatest accomplishment, really, is me.

6.     What are you ashamed of?

I’m not. I truly have no shame. ;) Not anymore. There’s no point to it. Shame is just an excuse to feel badly about ourselves. Why the hell would I want to do that? I cannot regret my past or anything I’ve done. Each experience I had, each mistake I made, brought me to where I am today. And I love where I am today. So I can’t regret anything and I refuse to be ashamed of anything. Would I react differently if I could go back? Perhaps. But that’s because I’m not the same person now that I was then. All I can focus on is now, doing my best now, being who I really want to be NOW. The past is irrelevant.

7.     What makes you sad?

When I get sad, it doesn’t last long. But it does happen. Usually, it’s when I see someone who’s in a great deal of pain, and doesn’t realize that they have a choice. They don’t know and can’t see that they can choose to think differently and therefore feel better. And they’re not in a place where they can hear me. I know that everyone is on their own path and that everyone will find their own way, and that it’s absolutely not my job to save anyone. I know this unequivocally. But seeing people in their disconnection still makes me sad sometimes. I’m working on that, though.

8.     What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced?

Uff. Well, I would have to say, the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through happened to me in one single night. It was an Ayahuasca ceremony (shamanic ceremony) and on this particular night I experienced what some would call “ego death”. The ego doesn’t really die and shouldn’t, but I had to give up everything I’ve ever known to be Melody in order to embrace who I really am. I had to drop all the masks, all the protective mechanisms I’ve ever build up, tear down all the walls. And that was f#@ing scary. It exposed me to all my fears – fears I’d been keeping at bay with all those walls, fears about not being good enough, about not fitting in, about not being accepted, not being approved of. I had to do this in order to finally feel how connected I am to everything, and to discover who I really am (we are all part of the same soup of energy, but we are still individual consciousness, experiencing our realities from our own unique perspective). Yeah… deep shit, I know.

I lost all track of time and spent hours, but what seemed like weeks, in absolute terror. After talking to my sister, who’s a mom, we concluded that it was quite a bit like giving birth. You go through more pain and fear than you ever thought you’d be able to handle; you have no idea when it’s going to end and time loses all meaning; there is only suffering; you somehow know you’re going to make it, though and when it’s done, no matter how horrific the experience was, you consider it worth it. It was life changing to be sure. And no, I don’t recommend this method of growth, even though I don’t regret a single second of it.

9.     What’s great about you?

I know who I am, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’m honest and real. I don’t play games. There’s no bullshit. What you see is what you get. And, I see who you really are, in all of your shining glory. And maybe, just maybe, that lets you catch a glimpse of who you really are, too. I think what’s so great about me is that I can see and pay a lot of attention to what’s so great about you. :)

10.Who are you?

I’m a being of light and love, a powerful creator, and part of me is having this delicious, awesome, incredible physical experience. I’m a teacher. I’m a happy, shiny puppy. I am Spartacus. (Just checking if you’re still paying attention…)

11.What inspires you?

People who are truly authentic inspire me. People who let their inner light shine through in whatever they do, who follow their hearts, inspire me. People who are unafraid to follow their intuition, or are afraid but do it anyway, inspire me. Beauty inspires me. Sunsets and flowers and the perfection of everything inspire me. Music inspires me. Life inspires me. Pretty much everything inspires me.

Ok, now it’s your turn. Will you answer these 11 questions? How often do you get beyond small talk with people in your daily life? Share your thoughts in the comments and connect with all of us. If you answer them in a blog post, leave a comment with the link here!

Image Credit: http://terriermandotcom.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html






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{ 46 comments }

Tia Sparkles January 29, 2012 at 17:55

I LOVE THIS!! :) :) Thanks for linking to my post & doing the exercise too. I have been curious about Ayahuasca for the past 3 years but am scared to go there. Sounds a little like the rebirthing training work I did during my massage therapist days .. but scarier! Oh and when I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead ;) hehe. Great getting to know you better. xo, Tia.

ps: It’s http://www.yourlifeyourway.net, not .com
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Melody Fletcher January 29, 2012 at 20:41

Thanks Tia! And thank you for the inspiration!

Ayahuasca isn’t alwasy that scary. It’s a tool that will help you work on whatever will serve you the most in that moment. That’s not the issue. It just happens to work really fast – it’s been said that a couple of Aya sessions can replace a year of therapy and I believe it. But when you work that fast, it’s uncomfortable. Even during “light” ceremonies, where instead of clearing stuff I go higher, I have so much energy streaming through me that I’m barely hanging on. It’s worth it to me, because the growth is enormous, but it’s certainly not for everyone.

Keep looking at it. If it’s right for you, you’ll KNOW it.

Yes! I love Barney-isms! I am an awesomist.

Thanks for stopping by chica. Oh and web address is fixed. (sorry!)

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Jt Clough | Big Island Dog January 29, 2012 at 18:31

I love this concept. Sit down and write out the answers to these questions. It makes one reflect. It makes one think about what where we put our attention every day.

I must make mine into a blog post as well.

Mahalo for sharing.
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Melody Fletcher January 29, 2012 at 20:42

Hey JT,

Yes! Do one too. Who knows how many people we can inspire to connect with our blogs. :o )

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Claudia January 29, 2012 at 18:46

Good morning Spartacus ;-) What an inspiring and challenging post Melody! I love it! First, let me say that, maybe I’m odd, but I am really really bad at small talk…I THRIVE on deep conversation and big time connection making. I think that it sometimes scares people a bit but, I am an “interviewer” and I sincerely care about people and so, it is wonderful and exciting and honoring what people will share and open up about. I cherish relationships that are built on deep inner sharing. I am turned off by relationships based on gossip and small talk. That said…
1.) Dream job…to tap into my artistic side and focus (haha) on photography, writing and music…all of which have resided as passions in my life but not as the “job” in my life.
2.)What fulfills you…nature. I never feel so at peace as I do when I am outside walking in the woods or going to the barn or sitting in a breeze.
3.)What is your greatest fear….Death….pure and simple, one word….death…because I don’t want to miss anything and I don’t want to stop living, growing and learning.
4.) What do you want more of in life….happiness, serenity. I want to be free of all worry…not to be confused with fear…worry still has a huge stronghold on me and I struggle every day to release it.
5.) What is your greatest accomplishment…motherhood. I believe with all of my heart it is the single most wonderful thing that I have done. I have never questioned my ability to be a loving, compassionate and encouraging Mom. My children are adults now and we have the most beautiful relationships.
6.) What are you ashamed of….really nothing. I think this goes along with the fact that I have no regrets either. Every decision that I have made in my life, hard or easy, has brought me to where I am today and I am grateful for that.
7.) What makes you sad…the feeling of helplessness makes me sad. Allowing my worries to take over makes me sad. Confrontation and anger makes me sad (scared).
8.) What is the hardest thing you have experienced…there are two experiences that I can saw were the hardest things that I have experienced…one was going to dental school with two small children ( I have NO idea how I did it looking back) and the second one is divorcing my first husband…the pain that divorce brings, no matter how it is handled, is like no other pain…especially to children…
9.) What’s great about you… I am unbelievably excited about life and possibility. My enthusiasm for new experiences has not waned with age…it has, in fact, more powerful. I am a seeker and I absolutely love that about me…it is not a deterrent …it is a strength that motivates me to keep stepping outside of the box and conventionality.
10.) Who are you… I am positive energy, I am boundless love, I am a compassionate listener, I am an artist, I am a seeker
11.) What inspires you…nature. I am inspired by harmony in nature and how, if we pay attention, we can experience that same harmony in our own lives.

Thank you Melody…you are a joy and YOU are an inspiration! I so enjoy your home here!
xo
Claudia
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Melody Fletcher January 29, 2012 at 20:47

Hi Claudia!

Thank you so much for sharing your self here and answering the questions. It’s so great to get to know you on a deeper level – exactly what these questions were designed to do. :)

Actually, now that you mention it, I can’t remember the last time I had a truly superficial conversation. Even if we don’t have a deep discussion, I always manage to connect with people on a deeper level. You can do that on a ton of subjects, even if they’re not “deep”. For example, I met someone at a football game last week. We talked for 20 minutes and I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. It was awesome. I never even got his name. What a wonderful manifestation. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Amber January 29, 2012 at 19:39

I am with Claudia. I’m not much for small talk and sometimes people are caught off guard but usually people are happy to talk about themselves and I’m happy to hear what they have to say.
1.) What is your dream job? – To do something similar that you are doing. Coach people, help others figure out the mysteries of their lives, be a counselor.
2.) What fulfills you? – The happiness on my daughter’s face every morning when I go in her room to get her out of her crib. The harmony of my small family with my husband, daughter, and myself. Meaningful conversation with people. (go figure, haha)
3.) I had to think sort of hard on this one. I’m not a very fearful person. I think I have a slight fear of coming across as offensive or to harsh to others when speaking my mind. I typically go above and beyond to be sure that others know I do not have an ounce of judgment in my heart towards them.
4.) What do you want more of in life? – Knowledge, wisdom, happiness, harmonious friendships and relationships in general, motivation, inspiration, love, deep and meaningful conversations. hehe
5.) What is your single greatest accomplishment? – I’m with Claudia again, def motherhood. It takes great strength, work, patience, vigor, selflessness, and all that good stuff that teaches me to be a better person.
6.) What are you ashamed of? – I am slightly ashamed of the fact that I don’t get out of the house much. I only leave about once a week because I live pretty far out in the country and I don’t like to spend money on gas to go somewhere unless I have plenty of errands, but this summer I will take my daughter to the local park and that will solve much of my shameful feeling about not getting out with my daughter enough.
7.) What makes you sad? – When my relationships are in disharmony. When people completely misunderstand me. When I hurt someone. When people think I’m something that I’m not, although I am learning that it doesn’t much matter what others think of me, as long as I know in my heart who I truly am, others will come around to that understanding.
8.) Hardest thing ever experienced? – It’s too personal to comment about on here in public but it was extremely difficult, one of the worst times of my life, but thanks to God and I truly mean ALL thanks to GOD I was and am the victor over that whole experience!!!
9.) What’s great about you? – I am smart. I have a passion for learning about many different subjects. I am a student in life. I pray for humility. I was gifted with a wonderful, internal moral compass. I am very passionate about many different things. I am unique and I love that about myself. I am articulate. I deeply care for others. All of these things I am again thankful to God for. I am absolutely nothing without him. I am a vessel of his love.
10.) Who are you? – I am a powerful woman. Strong willed with an important voice in the world. I am love. I am a comfort to others. I am a friend, mother, wife, lover, sister, daughter, cousin, niece, confidant, counselor, student, and beloved child of God. I am so much more than that too! :)
11.) What inspires you? – Knowledge and Wisdom!!!
Melody, great post again! I love reading your answers! You are such an amazing woman and although I barely even know you, I relate to you on such a profound level. Thank you for sharing!
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Melody Fletcher January 29, 2012 at 20:52

Hi Amber!

Wow, thank you so much for playing with us here! I love your answers. There’s so much i want to say to you about the whole shame thing, but I think I’ll let that percolate and I’ll let it come out in a blog post.

Your answers made me punch the air. It’s so wonderful to see someone who knows who they are, who knows their own worth. You go girl!!!

Huge hugs!!!
Melody
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Amber January 30, 2012 at 19:20

I have a feeling I already know what you might be thinking about my shame problems! hehehe :) So looking forward to a post about it!
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Amber January 30, 2012 at 19:21

P.S. I totally mentioned you in my own blog yesterday!!! Woot Woot!
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Melody Fletcher January 31, 2012 at 01:37

Thanks Amber!! I really appreciate it. It looks like the shame post will end up being a video. I’m doing a series of videos on negative emotions, starting tomorrow. Shame will be among the first 5. :)

Hugs!
Melody

Cynthia January 29, 2012 at 21:08

Great post Melody! I like getting to the “heart of the matter” and avoiding bullshit that society adores…
1. My dream job? Being “me” on a continual basis without fear and that, at times, is an easy job and other times a very demanding job. Oh…you mean earning a living? I’d like to do that as an artist…I’ve started creating by painting and have always enjoyed photography!
2.What fulfills me? Creating those things I want to do, be, or have makes me feel great! For some reason, I truly enjoy traveling in the Southwest desert and seeing sites in the desert makes me feel great. Actually…I like travel just about anywhere!
3.My greatest fear? Being financially poor without resources. I grew up with loving parents, but in a lower-middle class home where not enough was a point of concern. I’ve been working on this and have been “successful”…but if I could just shake this feeling of lack…
4.What do I want more of in life? More financial success leads to more freedom to create as I desire. I love myself, enjoy the love from family and friends and have abundant time now that I’m retired. I’d like the ability to travel as I desire…there is so much to see and do!
5.What is my greatest accomplishment? In a way, I think my recovery from a major head injury is remarkable, but that kind of happened on auto-pilot in a way so I like to think of my learning about vibration and the LOA as being pretty darn important!
6. What am I ashamed of? I wish I could eliminate fear from my life and undo conditioning that keeps me tied and not enjoying my life more. Actions I have taken in my past are my own and I’d do the same thing again!
7. What makes me sad? Yielding to fear makes me sad. Yielding to fear also negates my ability to create and puts me in a negative frame of mind. Society, at large, is extremely fear-based!
8. What is the hardest thing I have experienced? Dealing with the guilt and shame of quitting my job, selling me house and moving to Arizona to live with my lover. Sounds crazy…right? Actually, telling my parents this news was the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most freeing!
9. What’s great about me? I am smart, not bad looking and in very good shape, but the best thing I like about me is my increasing ability to be in a good place on a consistent basis by simply choosing.
10. Who am I? I am a work in progress as I learn more and more about who I AM. As I learn more, I am more free and less encumbered by all the “stuff” that used to be so important.
11. What inspires me? Life inspires me with the searching and finding the freedom to create my desires! What could be more awesome than to be, or do, or have anything I want? :)

Melody Fletcher January 30, 2012 at 00:17

CYN-THI-A! This is awesome! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself here. I feel like I’m getting to know you guys on a whole new level. The SW region of the US is gorgeous. Altough I LOVE the ocean, I’ve always been able to appreciate the beauty of the desert. I have yet to make it to Arizona, though. Can’t wait!

Thank you so much you awesome babe you.

Huge,
Melody
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Mary Carol Moran January 29, 2012 at 21:20

Wow, Melody! This post is the pinnacle of awesomeness! Thank you for sharing yourself!

And thank you to the commentors, too. I’m enjoying reading everyone’s thoughts! Like Claudia, I’m not a small talk person. I’ve been known to get into deep discussions of philosophy, or some weird scientific thingy, at a cocktail party. Interestingly, our discussions often draw a crowd. If nobody likes small talk, why does anyone do it??

I wasn’t going to post a list, but I enjoyed reading Melody’s, Claudia’s, and Amber’s so much, I’ll give it a go.

1. The dream job question is tough for me. Teaching didn’t feel like a dream job at the time, but looking back it was one for me. Now, I’d like to find a path to share light and energy without jeopardizing my privacy. Any ideas?
2. What fulfills me? Life! I’m so happy in my present life, I just want to share the joy!
3. My greatest fear is the death of one of my children, or of someone else I’m close to. It’s a selfish fear, as I know death is a portal, but I would miss their physical presence so much.
4. More of in life? Wisdom, always wisdom.
5. Greatest accomplishment? My kids turned out great despite me, so I’d have to say I’m proudest of the thousands of teenagers I worked with as a high school teacher.
6. I’m ashamed to this day of stupid things I’ve done in the past. Luckily not too many, and I’ve long since forgiven myself, but I still wish I hadn’t done them.
7. It makes me sad when humans do awful things to animals.
8. Hardest thing? I brushed against death once, and actually felt the light leave my body. Luckily, love of family and fabulous doctors took over when my light blew out, and kept me going until I was able to come back.
9. What’s great about me? I’m full of light. I try to radiate joy all the time.
10. Who am I? I’m the person I was before I was born, who I will be again after I die. I’m that same person right this moment.
11. What inspires me? Humor, beauty, Melody! Seriously, I’m inspired by all the thoughtful, caring people in my life, and that includes my virtual friends here on the blog. Thank you for being!

Wow! I recommend this exercise for everyone! What a energy booster! Thank you again Tia for the idea, and Melody for sharing it with us. Hugs to all!

Mary Carol
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Mary Carol Moran January 29, 2012 at 21:25

Cynthia, I really enjoyed reading your list too. We must have been writing at the same time, and I didn’t see your comments until I posted mine. Congrats on moving to Arizona – I recently moved to Mexico, and I love it. Hug!! Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher January 30, 2012 at 00:22

Thanks Mary Carol! Isn’t this fun?? I was totally energized when I answered these questions, too. It really makes you look at your life, at yourself.

You know, there are tons of different ways to teach. Maybe you loved the teaching but not the public school system? You could still work with teenagers, but maybe not in a class. Maybe more in terms of helping troubled teens or others who resonate with your help. Just a thought…

Giant great dane puppy hugs,

Melody
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patricia January 29, 2012 at 21:29

Oh Melody this is an awesome post and thank you for the links…I just won a sweetest blogger award this week which asks for 7 things people do not know about you….

I am going to figure out how to combine these two posts into a post for Patricias Wisdom

You have inspired me…

I have never heard of Ayahuasca before? But I am very drawn to it, because I would like to get out of this neutral zone and get moving onto the next third of my life…
I am working on getting out of a rather insecure transition zone and so many negative things are popping up….

My tarot card reading is all about releasing fear and letting go…I can not believe how much fear is grabbing me so I can let go of it…but I am not liking how it is manifesting

The idea that I might not have to keep experience this stuff and repeat letting go – sounds like something I need and want
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Melody Fletcher January 30, 2012 at 00:26

Hi Patricia,

Congratulations on the blogger award! That’s awesome!!!

There’s tons of information about Ayahuasca on the net. Just research it. If you’re drawn to it, you’ll get what you need from it. But be warned: It’s not a gentle ride. Having said that, it’s incredibly effective for those who resonate with it.

Yes, let go. Relax. You can’t let go of something by pushing through it. You have to drop it. Stop fighting and just drop it. That’s usually clearer after you’ve released it though, LOL. You’re on your journey and you’re moving forward. You’re going to make it Patricia. I know you will.

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Glynis Jolly January 30, 2012 at 00:33

The only one I have a hard time answering is the first one. Being close to retirement age can do this to a person. Things other than time at a job become more important I guess.
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Sameer January 30, 2012 at 13:49

Hi Glynis Jolly,

You know KFC chain restaurants? The founder (owner) was 80 when he came up with KFC…

You have so much of time in your hand :)

Regards,
Sameer

Alice September 11, 2012 at 08:46

Hi Sameer,

I know you wrote this looong ago, but thankyou so much.

We always feel time is slipping away. Damn, now I want KFC and a salad. I’m just hungry in general. :-)

It’s never to late for a good idea…or a salad! :-)

Melody Fletcher January 30, 2012 at 23:50

Hey Glynis!

Glad to hear from you again. :)
Sameer is spot on. It doesn’t have to be for money (unless you want it to be). If you could do anything with your life, what would it be? Dreams and passions don’t stop with retirement. In fact, many people wait until those years to finally do what they’ve always wanted to. :)

Huge hugs my dear!
Melody
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Lance January 30, 2012 at 02:21

Dear Pimp Melody,
See…I learn all sorts of things coming here!! (ha!)

The thing is – I type that feeling pretty sure it doesn’t offend you (because of question #9).

Which, speaking of that question – I DO think you are great (awesome, amazing, fantastic, incredible, real, sweet, funny….) You know…just sayin’…

Would you guess that I have trouble being serious???? Hmmmm….

And what about those questions – is this rambling just my way of *ahem* avoiding them???

I shall look at these more deeply (maybe this says I’m slow – but I’m okay with that!) and let the answers come out as they should.

Big love and big light to you…one who shines all of this…
Lance
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Melody Fletcher January 30, 2012 at 23:48

Yeah… you forgot hawt, Lance. My hawtness cannot be ignored. ;)

I hope you enjoy the questions. I had so much fun answering them!

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Derrek January 30, 2012 at 07:44

Awesome article, Melody…and by far your most interactive to date! Note, I did not read anyone else’s comments before writing my own answers. I will once I’ve hit the “Submit” button. Just so nothing else influences me. ;)

[1] What is your dream job –
Filmmaker. I’ve wanted to make movies since I was 5. Movies have been my go-to place from before I can remember. The ability to put your imaginary worlds and characters into physical form, and then share that with random people is something I find insanely awesome.

[2] What fulfills you –
Besides attempting to make my own movies? Taking care of my dog, and other animals at the shelter. There’s nothing like the feeling that you get when you know you’re doing your best to make sure your dog has a great life, and knowing that he’s happy because you try. That’s awesome.

[3] What’s your greatest fear –
Dying without trying. I have to make the most out of every day. My greatest fear is that one day when I’m 265, I’ll look back and think “Damn, I should have given that a shot”. I can’t stomach the notion that I might live a boring life. That’s why the following verse means the world to me : “And on the final day I die, I want to hold my head up high, I want to tell You
that I tried, to live it like a song”

[4] What do you want more of in life –
Freedom. The freedom to speak, to do what I like, and to pursue happiness without thinking too much about the “what ifs”. With enough freedom, you can do anything. Travel, make more money, spend more time with the people who matter to you the most. So yeah, freedom.

[5] What is your greatest accomplishment –
Ha! I’ve never revealed this to anyone outside my closest circles…but here it goes. My greatest accomplishment is that I’ve never once smoked a cigarette, never once consumed alcohol, never once used recreational drugs, and never once got involved in promiscuous sex. Meaning, I have to love someone and be in a committed relationship before we bang. I’m not passing judgment to anyone who has done any of these things, because to each their own, but to me these are the pillars of my life. Some may see my life as boring, but I absolutely love it just the way it is. Why? Because ever since I was little I was weary of “bondage”. I never wanted to be tied down to anything. I enjoyed freedom. And while none of the above guarantee an addiction, they can certainly become crutches. I don’t to even risk forming my own crutches. I don’t want to forget my problems with alcohol or with sex with girls I just met. I want to take my issues on, face them, fight them if I have to, and win. Leaning onto a vice to postpone the inevitable was something I wasn’t willing to do, so I never had any real interest to get into any real vices. :)

[6] What are you ashamed of –
Nothing. There’s no point. What’s done is done, what happened happened. If I made the wrong judgment, I’m sorry. If anything, I may regret emotionally hurting someone, and that’s it. I’m also guilty of not trying hard enough to reach my goals over the last 2-3 years, but that’s just a nagging voice in my head. Shame? Nah.

[7] What makes you sad -
Two things. One, seeing animals suffer. I have nothing against eating meat. Circle Of Life and all that. But seeing dogs get abandoned, seeing animals that have been abused, and seeing animals sad makes me really sad. I have a soft-spot, in case you haven’t already noticed. Two, the definitive nature of death makes me sad. I’ve lost some very close people in the family, and knowing that they won’t physically be there as I reach milestones in my own life makes me sad. Also, knowing I’ll never be able to buy them things, share stuff with them, makes me sad. I believe I’ll see them again, so that’s there. But knowing I’ll live this life sans them makes me sad for sure.

[8] What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced –
Losing someone extremely close. To cancer. Going through that period with them was not easy, to say the least. I haven’t got around to revealing more about this though. I probably will when I clear the resistance. Until then, vagueness it is.

[9] What’s great about you –
What’s not? ;)

[10] Who are you –
I’m Batman. No wait, okay…I wish I was Batman. Maybe someday I’ll get around to finding a cave and making enough money to buy the ride, suit, and gadgets. I’m this fairly awesome person who loves to do whatever he can to make the people around him feel a bit better everyday, and to go all-out and help as many animals has he can. Also, he tends to be very awkward at parties…and dinners…and the like. But that’s fine, because one day he’ll rule the world and build an army of penguins to conquer every country in sight. I mean…urmm…make films.

[11] What inspires you –
Good, heartfelt music. Music that has substance, that means something to the writer. I’m inspired my lyrics that carry weight and come from real experiences. It’s easy to say “Oh shake, shake, shake that bootay, shake it shake it I wanna smack it I’m a stereotypical hornay rapper with an empty gun and I pay for hoes and have no creativity bootay bootay sex sex”……..yes, but what are you REALLY saying? Other than good music…people who have the balls to follow their dreams inspire me.

So there. I bared a lot of my soul in those 11 questions. I feel like I’m on the centerfold of a Playgirl magazine. Hmm.

Sameer January 30, 2012 at 13:44

Hey Derrek,

While I was reading your answer I felt like I am watching a super cool b-boying :)

You are cool.

Regards,
Sameer

Derrek January 31, 2012 at 08:20

Hey Sameer,

Thanks, bud. I’m not sure what b-boying is but tell me more about the ‘super cool’ bit. You know, elaborate. Get into all the details. I’m all ears. :p

Sameer January 31, 2012 at 08:40

Hey Derrek,

Welcome.

B-Boying – Check out this on youtube or google. This is well know dancing style which will amaze you when you see it and when you will see this live in front of you, you will love it. This dancing style is super cool. The b-boying dance style go into b-boys blood and they dance even while talking. They talk like they are singing.

Super cool you – The way you have answered all the questions it felt like you are chilling & enjoying life to the fullest (the way b-boying dancers enjoy their dance). You are happy with all your decisions (regarding your habits) and your way of writing reflects coolness the way b-boying life style is.

This is what I sensed from your writing :)

Melody Fletcher January 31, 2012 at 01:31

Wow Derrek!

Awesome, awesome answers. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you so much better, although nothing really surprised me. :)
It’s so interesting that you’ve never tried any vices, not even a beer. Bravo. That must have taken some willpower to stand up to the peer pressure.

I’m a bit confused, though. The penguins are going to make films? Do they have the dexterity to work the equipment? Do they have the visual perception? I don’t know, dude… I know they can surf and dance and all, but films? Huh.

Oh and don’t worry. I covered up all the naughty bits with strategically placed penguins. Your virtue is safe. :D

Hugs!
Melody

Derrek January 31, 2012 at 08:18

Hey Melody,

Thanks!

Yep, not even a beer. Oh the willpower wasn’t the hardest bit. Learning to not feel bad after you’ve offended some of your friends for not “joining in” is what took real patience and skill. Friggin’ art of its own, that one.

I actually meant I’d make the films but you’ve given me an idea! A brilliant idea! Penguins…making films! Yes, why didn’t I see it before?! They may look like dorks on the outside…but behind those dweeby exteriors are visionaries of the future. My penguin army is coming……..sooooon. *followed by maniacal laughter*

Sameer January 30, 2012 at 12:24

Awesome Melody,

You are Expert in what you do. I felt like giving interview to big magazine & news paper. Thanks for your superb questions & answers. This is inspiring.

Hope my answers (energy) will connect with you and will get more insight from you:

1. What is your dream job?
- It’s my dream that wherever I go people should always come to me with big thanks. Everybody should be immensely happy to meet & see me whether it’s online or offline. Helping people, to see them smiling always is what I like. I see myself as motivational trainer/ coach. No doubt that I should be earning sufficient from this to keep my family always happy. ;)

2. What fulfils you?
- A big fan following, sufficient balances with liability free bank account. Smiling face all over. People achieving their dreams with my help.
Living with all my friends and likeminded family members in one city. Enjoying life with full of fun with friends. See kids growing perfectly and getting respect from them & coming generations.

3. What’s your greatest fear?
- I was having one, recently (till I met Melody). What I think People who are in job (9-6 bracket) doesn’t have fearless life. They will always carry one fear till the time they are in Job that, what if my job goes? How will I manage my family? Before taking any step towards my dream job/business I should save 6 months or 1 year’s salary & then jump into what I want to achieve in life. This way these types of people will never come out of their fear in life. I was in the same bracket by the way but, I asked below questions to me:
a) Is this job is by choice or by chance? Is this the job which I wanted to do in life?
b) If you could do so much & achieve what you have today when it’s not your choice job then, THINK what can you do when you decide to do job which you love it?
Now, I am in the process of coming out of this fear and soon people will see what will I be… :o )

4. What do you want more of in life?
- Nothing should stop me getting what I want (refer to Q 1 & 2) in life. Ever since I started understanding what is money & what money can do, I am running after it. Now, I am clear & moving in right direction where money will follow (thanks to my wife & melody). This will definitely include my buddies with whom I will have fun :)

5. What is your greatest accomplishment?
- I started earning and managing my school fees on my own when I was in 10th. I did manage my collage fees (though I was not brilliant student except when I use give speech in college) on my own. I use to get help from my dad monetarily but, it was me who use to look after my expenses majorly : ). Since then, it was into my habit that I shouldn’t be bothering my parents for my expenses in college. My wife & I managed our marriage expenses and now running my home with mom, dad, wife & 1 kiddo successfully :)
There are so many people who respect me, my knowledge and behavior (thanks to my job, where I learned etiquettes).

6. What are you ashamed of?
- Before understanding the seriousness of relationship I use to take that as it comes. Was not really bothered about what I am doing, why am I doing and how will this result into? You can say till marriage I was living my life like I am in college (just enjoy and forget that there are serious things in life). I was very confident in life taking wrong things in mind. Realized all these with help of my wife and now I am on right track. Not looking back anymore. To cover 1 thing which I am ashamed off I will try my best to do en number of things which I will be proud off till the end of my life.

7. What makes you sad?
- When time doesn’t help me to do what I want. When, I see my loved once are not happy with me. People whom I can reach but, couldn’t help. People who think I am not the right person to advice. When somebody waste light, paper and make happy place dirty.

8. What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced?
- There were so many questions which were unanswered before I met Melody.
Life was throwing so many questions which were very hard to answer like, what is that I should do to keep my family happy?, what is that one thing which will stop me facing so many hurdles in life. Why me always? and on & on…. Now, I know the answers to it. It’s me, my vibes, my energy which will give all that I want.

9. What’s great about you?
- Self made. Being in below average student and developing self this way, that people around me appreciates a lot. Feels great. I am a person who is very good at finding details about any new thing. Tell me if you are interested in hotel business, what the best thing you can cook & open your hotel at best place. Tell me if you want to deal in property, I will tell you the available properties for sale in your city. It doesn’t take much to find these things & present very well (I am talking about the cities nearby) :)

10. Who are you?
- I am helpful person with little attitude in me. I feel extremely happy to help to develop people. Some time in some cases I am genuinely innocent. I am ready to work for any cause. Now days I am in to learning mode on serious note and changing my life’s definition.

11. What inspires you?
- Motivational speakers, coaches, blogs, talks, people, books and my kid inspire me. My wife who bought big change in me is one of my main inspirations (at beginning it was by force now it is by choice ;) ). Money is one more things which inspire me (nothing new & different from others I know). Lots of happy faces inspire me to bring smile on sad faces.

Hugs & Love,
Sameer

Melody Fletcher January 31, 2012 at 01:36

Hey Sameer,

Thank you so much for sharing yourself with everyone here. It sounds like you’re in a really exciting place right now. Yay!!! Also, I wanted to point out that even though your wife clearly helped you to change into the man you always wanted to be but maybe didn’t know you wanted to be, YOU manifested her into your life. You had to be ready for her and had to allow her to guide you to the change. Isn’t it all perfect? :)

Huge Hugs!!

Melody

Sameer January 31, 2012 at 08:24

Yes Awesome Melody,

She is my dream girl. And all you do is just PERFECT.

LOA is perfect. Jay Ho LOA!

Huge Hugs & Huge Love,
Sameer

Alex Blackwell | The BridgeMaker January 31, 2012 at 02:54

Melody,

Thanks for inspiring me to share my answers, too.Your transparency is awesome! Look for a link soon.

Alex

Melody Fletcher January 31, 2012 at 18:34

Awesomeness Alex! It’s been such a great experience. You won’t regret it! :)

Hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Negative Emotions: Envy Vs. JealousyMy Profile

Todd | Channelingmyself January 31, 2012 at 08:48

Hey Melody,

Another great post! I really like this idea and will try it next time I get the opportunity to sit and talk with someone close to me. I really like #10 because I think that is a question most people don’t really take the time to think about. In fact, if someone were to ask that of me right now I don’t know if I could really give a satisfactory answer. I know most of us just identify with the ego and think we are the person who we really aren’t.
Todd | Channelingmyself invites you to read..Lions and Tigers and 2012, OH MY!My Profile

Melody Fletcher January 31, 2012 at 18:36

Hey Todd,

That’s the ultimate question, isn’t it? Who are we, really? Most spend a lifetime trying to figure that out. I find that who I am isn’t a static thing, but a moving goal. So, my question becomes, Who am I RIGHT NOW? The great thing about these questions is that they make us think about this stuff and even if we don’t come up with the perfect answer, we’ll definitely be a little closer to figuring it out. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody

Steve February 10, 2012 at 07:28

That’s a really cool idea to ask one person those questions every week for a year. I bet you can really get to know some people deep down with these questions. I know what’s it like to have trouble getting to know people though. Some people really just don’t want to open up and get past small talk. Eventually you just wonder what kind of person they really are. In fact, I had some co-workers once who talked about the weather every single day. That’s it. Hardly the kind of stuff that gets you to know someone.
Steve invites you to read..The 3 Steps for Turning Plans Into Bold ActionMy Profile

Melody Fletcher February 10, 2012 at 18:17

Hey Steve,

I think some people are so scared to show others who they really are, they put up a huge protective shield. And when you do that, you can’t talk about anything “real”. It’s their loss, really, but you can’t force people out of their shell. Hopefully, if they see you being authentic with someone else, they’ll be inspired to come out and join you. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..How To Stop Being A PerfectionistMy Profile

Melanie April 12, 2012 at 22:45

I like this idea. Even though these questions felt more like a job interview than a coffee date, I’m sure it really helps to connect to a person to see where they are and where they want to go in life. It goes beyond the surface, “So, where ya from?” and into actually knowing about the person. I like that these questions can help cultivate relationships. Thanks for posting!

Melody Fletcher April 13, 2012 at 16:00

Hey Melanie!

Welcome to Deliberate Receiving!

Ha, ha, well I suppose we probably shouldn’t whip out a piece of paper with these questions on them and start running down that list in the first five minutes of meeting someone :lol: But asking even just one or two of these will make for a much more interesting conversation than talking about the office or the weather or some TV show…

Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Should you Fix Your Life With LOA or Prescription Drugs?My Profile

Lauren August 30, 2012 at 11:39

Dear Melody,

I’m having a time of it reading multiple articles on your site tonight. At first I didn’t intend on responding to these questions, but after going through some of your readers’ posts I decided to accept the challenge. Like a few of the other readers, I’m also not one for small talk. Honestly, find it difficult to do so when around strangers I usually just don’t say anything. In my opinion small talk is closely related to bullshit which never comes out of me. :-)

1. Dream job – haven’t completely figured that one out yet. Teaching I would say, but in what form I don’t know. Tried teaching computer stuff in a classroom. It was okay, better than most jobs I’ve had, but it still wasn’t quite right. I’d like to say coaching to some extent like yourself, Melody, but I don’t feel I’m knowledgeable enough to do so effectively right now.

2. Fulfills me – truly helping someone understand a new concept and watching them “get it”. After grading my students’ midterms and seeing that ALL of them got the first page of 17 short-cut keystroke questions right, I knew I had really gotten that information imbedded in their brains.

3. Greatest fear – never fully breaking out of the depression cycle I keep finding myself in. Every time I pull myself out of my “pit of despair” I find myself back it again. In other words, never finding happiness.

4. Want more of – anything and everything positive!

5. Greatest accomplishment – I have two. First, graduating from the Georgia Institute of Technology with a Computer Engineering degree. And second, making it in life this far. Depression has really pushed me close to death sometimes, but I always manage to keep going, keep trying, keep figuring it out little by little.

6. Ashamed of – the fact that I’m 41 and don’t have much to show for my life. No marriages, no kids, no long lasting jobs or real career, no love relationships, no money, no house, no vacations. I know I’m on my own path and it is vastly different than those of most people, just wish it wasn’t a path in what seems to be a completely different universe than everyone else.

7. Makes me sad – when I see pain… in myself, in others, in animals. I’m all too familiar with pain, both physical & emotional, so I hate seeing it in anybody. (A near fatal car accident as a teenager resulted in chronic migraines, low back, neck & shoulder pain – but is all improving since getting Reiki attuned.)

8. Hardest experience – being repeatedly rejected in life. By my parents, school children when growing up, roommates, boyfriends, employers, guys I start to date. Yes, I know this is a fear deep down and why I keep manifesting it in my life. I’m discovering though the more I learn to accept myself, the more the fear goes away.

9. Great about me – I’m smart as a whip and have an incredible knack & tenacity for thinking things out. Come hell or high water, I WILL understand whatever I want to understand. I’m also thoughtful, caring, loving, rational, insightful, compassionate, open minded, a great listener, and capable of doing practically anything.

10. Who am I – saw a sign that said, “BE LOVE”. So I decided that’s what I am… LOVE.

11. Inspires me – all things nature: animals, plants, land, sea, sky, weather. And music. And reading more about the Law of Attraction and other spiritual related things.

So there you have it. No small talk, no bullshit. LOL

Hugs & Love,
Lauren

Melody Fletcher August 30, 2012 at 16:30

Nice Lauren!

Real, honest answers. Hey, backing up to the comment I just answered on the other post, have you thought about offering online computer training? If you love teaching but want to make your own schedule and don’t want to leave home, that might be a way for you to go. Just a thought.

And it sounds to me like you’re quite aware of some of your beliefs. You’d be prime candidate for coaching (not trying to do a hard sell here, just saying). Have you thought about getting some help (doesn’t have to necessarily be me)? I can feel that you’re quite ready to shift of several things…

Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Quick LOA Questions Volume 10 – Manifesting, Stray Thoughts and ArtistsMy Profile

Lauren August 30, 2012 at 18:32

Thank you, Melody!

Oh I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get some coaching from you and perhaps when I have funds coming in again I will look into it. I do see a therapist weekly who understands LOA and is willing to see me at $3/hr! I am very fortunate in that regard.

I’ve been feeling like I’m on the verge of shifting for quite some time now. Honestly, it’s getting irritating because every time I think I’m making headway, I fall down again. But then I read your article on Rebounding last night and realized that maybe I’m trying to change too quickly. It’s hard not to considering how far behind I feel I am in my life.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the different Reiki levels, but I received my second attunement a few months ago. My Reiki Master says that level 2 is all about addressing & breaking negative patterns so hence me losing the job and getting rejected by a guy I love at the same time (the double whammy really knocked me on my arse).

Earlier this year I watched a video of a Shirley MacLaine interview where she talked about the significance of 2012. She said the Universe is basically saying, “This is the year to get your shit together!” That really resonated with me so that is my mission. If I could go on an Ayahuasca retreat right now I would, but maybe again I’m looking to change too quickly. I really just want to truly feel better and get my life started.

Thank you so much for responding so quickly.
Lauren

Tracy April 10, 2013 at 18:32

Great post. I was googling in search of questions to ask to fill five minutes on the phone with someone in another country to be able to verify their fluency in English and I ran across this. Not only will I probably use a few of these questions, I think I will also use this as a blog post and link back to you!
So a double thank you!

Amy December 4, 2013 at 01:17

1-Dream job-singing and reading to animals to heal them.
2-fulfills me-singing, coming up with creative ideas.
3-greatest fear-never feeling truly loved and totally free.
4-want more of-love, courage.
5-greatest accomplishment-creating the most perfect child ive ever met.
6-ashamed of-so many things but i guess they have led me to where and who i am.
7-makes me sad-the way humans treat nature, animals and each other.
8-hardest experience-living with ocd & depression for the past 10 years.
9-great about me-caring, thoughtful, nurturing, strong heart, creative mind.
10-who i am-unique, creative, loving, earthkeeper.
11-inspires me-my daughter, animals, music, beauty, people who are similar to me (creative, caring, etc).

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