Are You Missing This Step When Shifting A Limiting Belief?

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by Melody Fletcher on November 10, 2011

A couple of days ago, I was running some errands, and decided to head to the health food store.  I only shop at this store once every couple of weeks for specialty items I can’t get at the normal supermarket. I had my grocery list and my shopping bag (I’m freakin’ green, y’all!), and my tunes blaring on the old iPod, as I headed off to my destination. Ten minutes later, I found myself standing in front of my regular supermarket – the non-health food one. I’d made the decision to go to a different store, but had slipped into autopilot mode and ended up at the store that I regularly shop at.

Why am I telling you this little story about my brain fart moment? Because it so perfectly illustrates the process we go through when we try to shift a belief.

  • First, we have to make the decision to shift a belief (I’m going to go to a new store/I’m going to love myself more).
  • Then, we have to find that destination, even though we may not yet know how to get there (google the address/find the end statement we’d like to be able to believe, like “I love myself”)
  • After that, we’ll have to actually make our way to that destination (walk to the store the first time/work our way up the vibrational ladder until we actually achieve the feelings that correspond to the new belief).
  • Deliberately practice reaching that destination so that we’ll go there even if we slip into auto-pilot mode (pay attention while walking to the new store/pay attention to your thoughts and practice the new belief until it becomes the default thought).

It’s that last step that’s often missed when we shift a belief. We “do the work” and find a better feeling thought. Or, we’re somehow taken there through a series of events. When you go to a self improvement seminar, you may get all fired up, inspired and you can’t wait to get home to put all of your new ideas into action. You accessed a whole new vibration, one that came with clarity and insights the likes of which you didn’t even know existed. But once you get home, your regular life and routine take over and nothing changes. This is because you missed the last step in the equation: Integration.

Finding that new frequency is only the beginning. It feels great, but it doesn’t necessarily last. Beliefs are like habits – you tend to automatically follow the route you’ve been taking every day since that belief or habit was first formed. Changing that habit takes more time than just figuring out a new route. You have to practice it until it becomes the new habit. You have to deliberately think the new thoughts until the new belief becomes the one you default to on auto-pilot.

So, remember the formula:

  1. Decide to change the belief
  2. Define the new belief
  3. Find the vibration of the new belief
  4. Practice the new belief until it becomes your default one

I know that my posts are usually much, MUCH longer than this one, but, well, I found that this one didn’t need to be. I usually pick much larger concepts and explore them fully, but I often get these smaller (but no less important) insights and have decided that perhaps it would be a great idea to publish those as standalone posts from time to time (instead of waiting until I can include them in a longer blog post). Do you like this shorter format? Let me know in the comments. :)

{ 28 comments }

Rana November 10, 2011 at 23:03

Hi Melody

Great post! And its somethings Ive been having a lot of trouble with. I just cant seem to shift that limiting belief! (Being able to meet a life partner!!). I always think Im there. I feel fab, Im happy, I love myself and think Im pretty damn attractive (sounds big headed, but I am very self assured), so why? Why is it that everytime I think Ive kicked that belief, I get happy about not having met ‘him’ yet, and THEN I meet him!! But its not him! Its the same old guy who is attracted to me at the start, but then shoots off with someone else.

I just dont know how to kick that habbit that i will never meet him!

Help? (you always do :-) )

xxx

Melody Fletcher November 11, 2011 at 17:12

Hi Rana,

I would say that you have more beliefs to kick than just “I can’t meet a nice guy”. There’s something running underneath that you’re not aware of. The fact that you do meet men, who SEEM great but then run off with someone else is your clue as to what it might be: abandonment issues? Feeling deep down that there’s something wrong with you and that you don’t really deserve love? A belief that men really can’t be faithful? You can feel mostly great about yourself and still carry a belief like this. It won’t rear it’s ugly head unless it’s triggered. But your manifestations never lie – if you’re not getting what you want, you have some kind of belief that needs to be cleared. Period.

Oh, and considering yourself attractive isn’t big headed! It’s healthy! :)

Rock on gorgeous!

Melody
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Kirby November 10, 2011 at 23:14

Hi Melody. Great post. I really like the shorter format. I’m always on the go, so it definitely helps to be able to read quickly.

Melody Fletcher November 11, 2011 at 17:13

Thanks Kirby!

I’ll do more of these in the future. I get lots of little insights all the time, so it looks like people like the variety… :)

Hugs!
Melody
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patricia November 10, 2011 at 23:32

I enjoy all your formats, but when it comes to blog reading ( I read about 20 a day) well I like the one point – simpler look and this one was a good reminder that we do need to pay attention.

I also need to take off the ipod if I am changing directions…because I can get so easily distracted.

With my food issues…I have started doing a 5 minute yin yoga pose and breathing meditation before I eat my food….and I just eat my food….no distractions….none…not a one…I do not even eat with my husband anymore, because he wants to fill my head with his news….my GI track is coming into a balance and I know if my body wants bread with the soup or just soup….my listening skills are improving and my client list on wiseears is growing…
thanks again for a great post.
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Melody Fletcher November 11, 2011 at 17:16

Hi Patricia,

I totally get what you’re saying about the iPod. I’ve started going out of the house without it when I want to make sure I’m “present”. Both scenarios are useful to me in different ways…

Oh, your poor husband. LOL! What you are doing is listening to your body (intuitive eating!!!). Bravo!!! It does take some practice, but you’re so right: distractions make it nearly impossible for us to listen to our inner voice. It does get a lot easier with practice, though. I was able to keep it up even while surrounded by family a few weeks ago. That would’ve been impossible a couple of years ago (I allowed them to influence me, every time). I was so proud of myself for that. It definitely gets easier as you go. That inner voice gets a lot louder. :)

Hugs and keep up the great work!!!

Melody
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Riley Harrison November 10, 2011 at 23:36

Hey Melody,
I think any post that contributes to the development of empowering habits is significant. I suspect that you will find the shorter posts to be more effective and your traffic will actually increase. It will be a good test I also think that people have to factor in relapses as part of the equation for success. This will minimize the disappointment, feelings of devastation and wasted energy when encountering this reality. Hope all is well.
Riley
Riley
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Melody Fletcher November 11, 2011 at 17:19

Hey Riley!
Glad to see you back, buddy! yeah, I know that a lot of people like shorter posts… there’s a lot of evidence either way (Steve Pavlina made his bones off longer posts). I tend to just write what wants to come out, and that’s always changing. Personally, I like both, as long as they’re well written. Short posts that don’t actually say anything are worthless, and long posts that go on and on and just repeat themselves aren’t much better. For me, it comes down to the message. This particular one didn’t need that many words… :)

Hugs!
Melody
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Sara November 11, 2011 at 14:47

.. the photo says it all, great!
As I still have my difficulties to comprehend whole articles in one go (and in consequence be off the mark with my outpourings sometimes when in a hurry..), I appreciate short posts! But I think it doesn´t matter, if a post is long or short; as long as you enjoy what you´re doing, you´ll attract readers who also will (and those, who drop by the wayside will send their protest vibrations to you, which will hit you maybe as a reading50pagesofthenewcrimenovelbeforethefirstmurderhappens-coincidence..) :-)

Autopiloting shows us so clearly how ingrained our beliefs/fears are, even often being accompanied by a feeling of bleakness and tension.
I usually call myself up, when I notice this weariness in me: “Come on Sara now, what do you want, wake up!” (sth. like that; and then Sara raises her head, sighing: “hold your horses, I´m coming..”, sht. like that) :-)

Melody Fletcher November 11, 2011 at 17:24

Hi Sara,

I think we tend to beat up on ourselves when we “fail” to act from the new belief, but really, we’ve just fallen into an old habit. And we can break it if we spend a bit more time and effort on creating the new habit. It’s not so much about STOPPING one thought as it is about STARTING a new one and practicing that.

And you’re right. The people that resonate with the message will find me. That’s why I tend to just write whatever wants to be written, in however many words it takes to make the point. In the beginning, I apologized for the length and readers responded with “we don’t care, we like it”. Now, I was a bit worried that readers would feel gypped by the shorter format, but again, you guys don’t care about that, only the message. Looks like I’ve already attracted my perfect readers. :) Yay!

Hugs!
Melody
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Fred Tracy November 11, 2011 at 19:56

Haha neat!

I think I do like the shorter format more. I love what you mentioned here. So important to reinforce our new beliefs we change them, just like habits. If we don’t, like you said, we’re just going to revert back to our old behavior.

I think it’s pretty funny that you walked (or drove) all the way back to your normal supermarket. Dork.
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Melody Fletcher November 12, 2011 at 21:33

He, he, Fred. I didn’t notice until I was standing right in front of it. I think I may have actually done a face palm. Literally. But both shops are in walking distance (LOVE city living!), so no big deal. Plus, I got a blog post out of it, so… bonus!

The happy shiny dork strikes again! Um, isn’t “dork” the new “cool”? I keep hoping that’ll come around one day…

Hugs,
Melody
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Fred Tracy November 22, 2011 at 22:12

I found this two weeks later after my brief hiatus, still on my to-read list.

Amazingly, I still remember this article. And my memory sucks. something about your sense of humor and plants the stuff in my brain. Or maybe it’s a hilarious picture of you going all the way back to your usual supermarket, lol.

Anyway… I haven’t gotten the memo about dork being the new cool. I’ll keep hoping though, for your sake. :D
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Claudia November 11, 2011 at 19:56

Hi Melody,
Great insight…I love the story about intending to go one place and your subconscious takes you back to your usual place. How relative to life!! As you say, it IS rather easy to do the first three steps but not so easy to maintain the integration of the 4th step…the most critical of the steps. I think if we all lived alone with no one in our “love circle” that affects our lives and our patterns, perhaps integration would be a bit easier. When we need to be mindful of the people in our lives, sometimes THEIR vibrations aren’t ready to be where YOUR vibrations are and it is difficult to keep the integration up….does that make sense?
Thanks for a thought provoking post Melody…your posts are always so interesting!
Claudia
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Melody Fletcher November 12, 2011 at 21:35

Hey Claudia!

Yeah, except I do live alone, and I still ended up at the wrong store… He, he. I do get what you’re saying, but really, blaming others for our lack of focus is just an excuse. It is easier when you’re by yourself, that’s true. But in the end it’s always our choice – we can allow ourselves to become distracted, or we can retrain our brains to focus on what we truly want.

You’re so welcome! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

Hugs,
Melody
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Maggie Shayne November 11, 2011 at 22:13

I do that all the time (forget where I’m going, or zone out while going there, and wind up in the place I USED to go.) This is a really good insight, and one I haven’t heard put so succinctly before. Lather & rinse, yes. But REPEAT! Repeat Repeat Repeat.

Okay, I’m putting this to work right away.

I do enjoy the longer posts, but “those who know” say most readers like shorter blogs better. So what’s a blogger to do? Mix them up, I guess.

Thanks for another insightful blog post!
Maggie

Melody Fletcher November 12, 2011 at 21:37

Hey Maggie!

Thanks so much for your kind words. It really does come down to practicing that new vibration, over and over again. For some reason now I want to go and wash my hair…

:)

Hugs!
Melody
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marc van der Linden November 13, 2011 at 08:56

Hi Melody,

Funny story about your visit to the supermarket :-)

I sometimes do it as well and that why I try to create good habits. We are habitual creatures and if we want to change our habits, we have to create them in a conscious way. Last week I went to mind-blowing seminar and I’m implementing the new habits now. I know – from experience :-( – that if I don’t conscious focus on doing that, the new learning will be lost forever.

Thanks for sharing!
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Melody Fletcher November 13, 2011 at 15:10

Awesome Marc! I love seminars and retreats. I always grow so much there! I usually try to give myself a few days off after doing something like that so that I can practice holding my new vibration (I literally sequester myself in my apartment and do as little as possible. That really helps).

Hugs!
Melody
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marc van der Linden November 13, 2011 at 17:26

Interesting that you give yourself a few days off after a seminar – I’m actually doing it as well. I tool 3 days after the seminar and stayed at home, just to be able to integrate more.

Thanks for sharing!
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Steve November 13, 2011 at 17:51

You make a very good point here. It’s not enough to know that you want to shift your belief. It takes time to fully integrate it into yourself. Just like your example of going on auto-pilot to the grocery store, you’ll fall right back into that old mindset unless you are actively thinking about it. Shifting back to your old beliefs is probably easier and more comfortable for people. Establishing new beliefs can sometimes take you far outside your comfort zone. I suppose this is why shifting your old beliefs can be difficult. Becoming more aware of yourself and watching what you are doing more closely might make shifting beliefs a little easier. That way you can catch yourself before going back into your auto-pilot mode.
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Melody Fletcher November 13, 2011 at 23:55

Hey Steve,

Absolutely. Figuring out what the belief is, is only half the battle. This is why you have so many neurotic people running around telling you (proudly) about their “commitment issues”. They’ve figured out what the issue is but haven’t shifted it and integrated the new belief (that being in love doesn’t mean the other person owns you…)

Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
Melody
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Mary Carol November 15, 2011 at 02:05

Hi Melody. I’m back! Fifteen days without Internet put me in major withdrawal…

Great post! I once missed an airplane driving on autopilot toward the previous day’s work site. Acckk!

What helps me most these days is staying in the habit of doing self-reiki. When I miss for awhile, my mind drifts back into older habits of thinking. For 11-11-11, I made a resolution to do self-reiki every day for awhile, and it’s made a huge difference. Whew! Feels like I’m back on track.

Speaking of the ‘big issue’ of self-love, I had an aha moment last night. While meditating, I felt a surge of love for my daughters, first one, then the other. It occurred to me that maybe I could feel that same love for myself. I tried, and the feeling wafted in and out like smoke. Tried again this morning, and the self-love felt a little more stable. Big wow for me! Maybe the idea of expanding a familiar emotion (love of your children, eg) to include yourself could be helpful to others too? Don’t worry, I’ll keep practicing!

Thanks again for all your wisdom, in whatever long or short form. Hugs,

Mary Carol
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Melody Fletcher November 15, 2011 at 17:07

Hey Mary Carol!

I was wondering where you were… :)

You’ve definitely got it, girl! when you get into the feeling of love for your kids first, you put yourself into a high vibrational state. From there, it’s easier to find that self love. I love this example. Putting it on the list of possible log posts.

Huge hugs to you,

Melody

Alice July 14, 2012 at 10:00

*** If drinking alcohol lowers resistance why are the drink driving accidents?***

Would looking at your blog raise resistance?

Why am I so terrible at finding resistance and getting answers even in good mood/higher perspective?

I am a square but if I followed some crazy instict to just get blotto or HIGH would I get insights while on drugs?

Well I know the conventional answer is THAT’S STUPID. But you are not conventional. :-)

Melody Fletcher July 16, 2012 at 21:08

Hey Alice,

Drinking alcohol lowers the veil and allows your real feelings (not the ones you’re pretending to be having) to come out. If everyone was just one step away from enlightenment, then there would be no drunk driving accidents. But that’s not the case.
If a guy has a vibration of guilt, for example, then he’s going to manifest events that make him feel guilty. Getting drunk won’t change that. It may temporarily allow him to become aware of the feelings he’s been suppressing (so he will become more aware of his guilt and may become a blubbering mess while drunk), but getting drunk once isn’t going to shift your entire vibration and stop all momentum on all manifestation.

It could help if you took the information that was revealed to you while drunk and then worked through it while sober. Most people don’t do that. And yes, you can take drugs to get this effect. It’s temporary, unless you use the information to shift your vibration. This is what shamans who use medicinal plants to achieve different states of consciousness do, BTW.

You’re terrible at finding resistance because you’re still making it an intellectual exercise instead of an emotional. one. Don’t worry. You’re getting there. You’ve already started to notice the difference between the two.

It’s not stupid to think that drugs or plants can help you to shift your vibration. These substances have been used since humans’ earliest days to achieve different levels of consciousness. The problem is that you have to be able to use those insights you receive. If you get yourself into the right vibrational state before taking the substance, this helps a great deal too. The drugs and plants themselves have different effects, achieving different outcomes. But simply taking them is not enough. Even the most powerful spiritual plants have to be used correctly. Otherwise, you’re just trying to get high, which is ok, too. It’s a great distraction (tons of people drink regularly for this very reason). The real problems arise when people take drugs to try and escape something and then get addicted to that feeling of escape and use the drug to make that happen instead of getting to the root cause. That’s where addiction and self-destructive behavior come in.

So, once again, it all depends. :P

Huge hugs!
Melody
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Will February 3, 2013 at 22:03

Yup we all do this auto-pilot stuff.
Years ago back in the good old days I commuted home some weekends from uni, about 50 miles, by motorbike. The way was pretty unpleasant at times, especially Monday morning in the winter, dirty trucks chucking up spray and sundry muck, traffic lights and busy roads. After 18 months (!) of this I had a brainwave! LOOK AT THE S*DDING MAP!
Yep, that’s right, there was a superb B-road route with no lights curving (broom broom) through pretty villages and practically no traffic! Instant default autopilot.
Have I posted this before, or is my memory working forwards again?

Melody Fletcher February 3, 2013 at 23:27

Hey Will,

I don’t remember you posting this before, but then I’m subject to brain farts… ;)

Thanks for sharing your story!!

Huge hugs,

Melody
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