I was asked this really interesting question the other day: “How do you keep your vibration high all the time? Do you ever feel down?” With all this talk of raising our vibration, getting happy and reaching the happy, shiny puppy level, there’s a bit of a misconception going around in the personal development community. A quick google search turned up a whole mess of websites which will tell you (some for a hefty fee) how to be happy. All the time. And they claim to do this without drugs. Huh. I smell a challenge.
Here’s the thing: Yes, you’re supposed to be happy. Generally and mostly. Your baseline, meaning how you feel the majority of the time, is supposed to be joy (as in, NOT supposed to be suffering, depression or pain and not to be confused with you having some kind of obligation to be happy.)I will admit it right now. The title of this blog is a bit misleading. I will not tell you how to be happy ALL THE DAMN TME. But I will explain why you don’t have to be. Furthermore, I’ll tell you why being happy ALL THE DAMN TIME is not only impossible, but actually not something you’d want. And I will also do all of this without drugs. Cause I’m competitive like that. It’s oaaaan, bitches!
Happiness is a Vibration
Ok, if you’ve ever read anything on this blog at all, you’ll have learned a thing or two about vibration. Allow me to recap, in case you haven’t been paying attention, it’s your first time here, or you have the attention span of a gerbil: Everything is energy, vibrating at different frequencies or vibrations. Your emotions are your vibrational feedback system. They let you know how high the frequency of whatever you’re focusing on or thinking is. The higher the vibration, the better it feels. You’re welcome.
Ok, so when you feel happy, you’re accessing a really high vibration. And it feels great. And of course, you’ll want to spend as much time as possible in this wonderful, shiny place. I do, too. Most of what I do all day is designed to raise my vibration and stabilize it in a really high place. I meditate, I deliberately look at every situation in a way that makes me feel good, I pay close attention to how I feel, I do lots of stuff that I know will make me happy, etc. I’ve dedicated my life to figuring out how to get happy and to teach others how to do just that. And even I, who spend hours a day on “happiness activities”(Why does that sound dirty? Does that sound dirty to anyone but me? It’s not meant to be dirty.), am not happy ALL THE DAMN TIME. And yes, I used to feel a bit guilty when I dipped down into “lesser” emotions, but I’ve thankfully figured out that none of us is supposed to stay in that high vibration and never come out. Here’s why:
Negative emotion isn’t a bad thing. We just think it is
Since our emotions are simply an indication of where our vibration’s at, we can’t really demonize negative feelings. They are incredibly useful to us. It’s like looking at a radar screen, when you’re flying a plane. Sometimes the screen will tell you that the course is clear. Other times it will indicate that there’s a big ass mountain in your way. Now, you could say “I hate mountains. I don’t want to crash into a mountain. I don’t even want to see a mountain! I only want to see a clear screen!” And then you could rig the radar screen to never show you any mountains. Except, this wouldn’t erase all the mountains or keep you from crashing into one. You’d simply have gotten rid of the indicator. Our emotions are the same. We shouldn’t try to avoid frustration or boredom or even anger. We can ignore them, sure, but then we won’t know if what we’re focusing on is serving us or not until a much larger, unwanted manifestation hits us.
We’re surrounded by all kinds of vibrations. We want those negative emotions to tell us when we’re looking at something we don’t like. They are our early warning system, telling us that if we don’t correct our course, we will crash into a mountain. And then we’ll have to resort to cannibalism, like they did in that movie about the soccer team. Is that what you want? Is it?! Yeah. I thought not.
The unwanted stuff serves a purpose
So, you may be asking yourself now, “But why can’t I just look at stuff that I like? Wouldn’t that keep me in a good feeling place all the time?” Well yes, it would. But you’d also get bored. “Bored of happiness?”, you ask, somewhat incredulously. No. Bored of never experiencing anything new. Let me elaborate:
[Disclaimer: I stole, um, I mean borrowed, this metaphor from Abraham-Hicks. I've added my own special flair, but the basic buffet metaphor is theirs. I tried, Abe, I really did. But I can't come up with a clearer, better, more brilliant metaphor than this. THIS is why you are the master. One who hopefully isn't immune to a bit of sucking up. Or is it being sucked up to? Damn it! Why does everything sound dirty today?! I swear I'm not coming on to you... Just don't sue me, ok?]
You’re at this huge, amazing buffet. They have every dish you could ever think of and many, many more you’ve never even heard of. It will take you a lifetime to sample just a small percentage of everything on offer. Now, in order to find the dishes you’ll like or maybe even love, you’ll have to start tasting. You can’t know what will ring your bells without trying at least a little bit of each. And so, you begin taking a spoon of this and a spoon of that. Some dishes are great, some are spectacular, some are mediocre and some are freaking nasty. Sure, there’s a risk each time you try a new dish that it’ll be nasty. But there’s also a chance you’ll discover a new favorite. The point is, you can’t know without trying it.
Now, you could decide that you never, EVER want to taste another nasty dish again. So, you take a big heaping spoonful of your favorite dishes, and decide that you will eat nothing else for the rest of your life. There are a kajillion more options on that buffet, but you’re going to spend the rest of your physical life munching on pizza and donuts. If you’re now asking “That’s the best I could come up with?! Pizza and freaking donuts?!”, then I have made my point. Of course there’s better food on that buffet. But you’ve decided that these are the best you’ve found so far, and you’re not willing to take the risk. So, pizza and donuts it is.
Over the next few weeks, you keep eating pizza and donuts. Only, something strange is happening. You’re getting bored. What seemed to taste so good only a little while ago, has lost its shine. Your food seems kind of dull and bland. You keep peeking over at this amazing buffet. There’s got to be something really good on there, surely. Something that will get you all excited again. Something new, damn it!
The point is, you can be content eating the same thing for the rest of your life, but you won’t be happy. You won’t be excited. You won’t be passionate. You won’t shush people during your meal because it’s so good you don’t want to be distracted.
If you find something nasty, stop eating it!
So, as we move through life, looking for new adventures, we will look at both wanted and unwanted stuff. Our emotions, especially the “negative ones” will tell us when something tastes nasty. Then we can stop eating it and move on to the next thing.
Except, many of us don’t do that. When we find a nasty dish, we keep on eating it. We tell everyone how nasty is, call other people over and ask them to taste it so they can agree with us about how horrible it is and then we rally to put up a sign telling everyone not to eat this thing because it’s freaking nasty. Never mind that not all other people will agree with you. You ignore them. “Take this dish off the buffet!”, you cry. “If I don’t like it, no one should be subjected to it!” Only, the entire time you’re doing this, you’re shoveling that nasty crap right down your throat.
When we find something unwanted, we often focus on it all the more. We talk about it, blog about it, bitch about it, read all we can by others who also hate it, and push against it as hard as we can. We keep eating the nasty stuff, and in doing so, we feel worse and worse. But we were never meant to do that! We were supposed to just take a taste. Don’t like it? Move on! When we see something we don’t like, we should make a note, let it help us to further define what we DO like, and move on to something else. We were never supposed to get stuck in negative emotion, but rather notice that it’s there and get the hell off the subject that caused it, change our thoughts, shift our perspective or do whatever is necessary to feel better. Move on to a better tasting dish.
Don’t ignore your negative emotions
Negative emotion isn’t a bad thing, and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for having it. What we don’t want to do is ignore it. We should see it for the signal that it is and release the underlying belief. That way, we don’t get stuck in that emotion. Over time, you’ll become more sensitive to your feelings and much less tolerant of negative emotion. You’ll notice it much faster. For example, now I notice when I’m not all shiny and happy. That’s already an indicator that I’m not fully connected. Then I go exploring. Often, I actually get excited about this – what will I find? What will I release this time? What am I thinking about? How am I looking at this? This is an early indicator that I’ve got some resistance. I don’t have to wait for a bigger indicator. Of course, I can, and then perhaps I’ll give myself the flu or something, but it’s not necessary if I notice my negative emotions.
So, in conclusion: Being happy ALL THE DAMN TIME is unrealistic. Our goal should be to achieve a happy baseline – meaning that we feel really good most of the time. We can eat good tasting foods which we know that we like most of the time. But just to keep it interesting, we’ll try something new here and there. If we don’t like it, we’ll make a note of that and move on. Dip in, just long enough to get a taste, then get out. That’s how these feelings were designed to be used. And when you realize that you’ve been munching on a whole bowlful of nasty crap, while feeling sorry for yourself, when you realize that you’ve sunk into a negative space, don’t beat up on yourself. Just pick yourself up, go back to the buffet and choose a better tasting dish, or better feeling thought. But don’t eat all the chocolate. That’s mine.
So, what are your negative emotions telling you? Spill it in the comments!
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