How Can We Keep Our Family’s Vibration From Affecting Us?

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by Melody Fletcher on August 4, 2011

In response to my post/video Can The Negative Thoughts of Others Influence Us?, Christine asked the following question in the comments:

I loved the subject question, and the metaphor will be a great help in order for this LOA lesson to stick! I do have my own question or subject that I would love your input on. It’s sort of a twist on this issue of siblings pulling you into their sewer pit. The recurring problem in my family is the triangle that three sisters can accumulate. Of course one sister (Who’s the oldest and has more of life’s “baggage”) can be the one to constantly swim in her own sewer but it seems to be worse when she’s around us sisters. I’ve seen her with her other girlfriends and she has a different personality…or vibration as you would say. So, I know it is for me to not choose to move into her pit of negative but she definitely gets to my second sister who then calls me to complain about how down she is after sending some time with that pity party. I’m in the middle struggling with my own vibrations and now I need to support this other sister! OK, so this is easy to avoid in friendship relationships but I’m talking about siblings here. We live really close together caring for an aging parent so we have contact with each other at a minimum of twice a week. We have many conversations about how this sister does not see how much she is always exaggerating the truth and putting a negative twist to everything in her life but avoiding her is not an option and telling her to change her pooh-pooh attitude is not what siblings who love each other do. Believe me I tried that once and we didn’t talk to each other for three years. We have been taught to be accepting of all family members…and there are brothers too in this story but they are able to disregard her and change the conversation. I believe everyone lives in their own soap opera but why do some people like to dramatize themselves and always about themselves?!

Quick recap of the sewage metaphor:

In case you didn’t read the article or watch the video, let me quickly recap the metaphor that Christine is referring to: I compared the negative vibrations that someone is stuck in when they’re complaining or in a bad mood to being stuck in a pit full of stinky sewage. People in this situation tend to try and call others in, in the hopes that sharing their misery will make them feel better. It won’t. The point was that no one can force you into their pit of sewage and put you in a bad mood. All they can do is call you in, but you have to jump. It’s your decision whether or not you allow their vibration to affect to you.

Why we tend to act differently with our family

Christine mentioned that her sister acts differently with her friends than she does with her family. First of all, we only change our personalities to suit the situation when we’re not living authentically. We develop all kinds of masks, hoping to protect ourselves from ridicule or humiliation. The fear is that if people knew who we really were, with all of our vulnerabilities, they’d reject us, hurt us or leave us. The opposite, in fact, is true. Once we become truly authentic, it becomes harder and harder to actually hurt us, and we attract more and more acceptance and love into our lives. The key is that once we truly accept ourselves, others can finally truly accept us, as well.

Our family has the special power to elicit the worst version of us. The problem is that a lot of our “family masks” were developed in childhood or in our teenage years. And if these beliefs and issues were never healed, if they haven’t progressed from that point, we can actually turn into a 16-year old when we meet up with our siblings. We react from the exact same place of insecurity as we did when the beliefs were formed.

Your sister’s behavior says more about you than her

And yet, I’m still not going to let Christine off the hook. She can’t control her sister’s behavior or heal her issues. And that’s not her job. Whatever problems Christine’s sister has, they are actually irrelevant to what Christine experiences when she meets up with her. Because Christine will always elicit the version of her sister that matches her own vibration. The Law of Attraction can’t bring them together any other way.

So, even though it seems like the issues are her sister’s, whatever Christine is experiencing is actually a mirror of what’s going on in her own vibration. This wouldn’t be an issue if her sister’s behavior didn’t bother her. People will mirror your helpful and positive vibrations back to you, as well. In this case, however, Christine is experiencing negative emotion around her sister.

Now, this is the hard and annoying bit:

Instead of blaming the sister for causing her negative response, Christine needs to look at herself and figure out what beliefs of her own are being triggered. Yes, I know this is annoying. Why can’t we just ever blame other people? Why does it always have to come back to us? Well, because that’s just not how it works. We can blame others all we want, but that’s not going to change anything. If we want things to change, we have to take control of the only thing we can: our own vibration.

Perhaps Christine holds the belief that she is actually doing more than her fair share of caring for her parent, and feels resentful of her sister. Perhaps she has an underlying belief that she never got as much attention as her siblings. Remember that these beliefs were often formed in childhood and do not need to be rational or logical.  So, while feeling starved for attention might not make any sense to the adult you, the child in you may well feel that way. This would be quite common in a household with many siblings…

Whatever the belief is, the clue is in how Christine feels around her sisters. Whatever emotion comes up around them will match the same emotion of the underlying belief that’s being triggered. If she can figure out what old beliefs are being triggered and release them, her sisters’ behavior will no longer affect her, and she will then begin to elicit a different version of her family.

Don’t tell people to “stop being so negative”

As Christine pointed out, simply telling her sister to change her negative attitude, wasn’t exactly received well. This makes perfect sense.

When you’re vibrating at a higher frequency (you’re feeling good), and you come along with someone at a lower frequency (they’re feeling bad), the discord between these two vibrations is going to make you both somewhat uncomfortable. Generally, the person with the lower frequency will feel the discord the most. Simply telling someone to cheer up, is like looking at them in their pit of sewage, with nothing to hold on to and no way to climb out and telling them to “Just get out of there. Look at me! I’m clean and dry! Be like me! What are you even doing in there?” It’s not only not helpful, it’s incredibly annoying.

Having that conversation is trying to change someone’s vibration through brute force action. It’s the hard way to go about it.

Line up the energy first

But there’s an easier way: If you take the time to align your energy with what you want, you can begin to elicit a different version from the “Negative Nelly”. You can throw them a rope, so to speak, and actually help them clinb out of the sewage pit. Keep in mind that just as no one can pull you into their pit, you cannot pull anyone out. You can call them out, you can assist them, but they’re the ones that actually have to do the work. They have to make the decision to think different thoughts.

But again, it’s not your responsibility to help them out of their pit. If, as a result of your efforts, the other person actually becomes more positive, well, YAY. But your work is in changing your own vibration so that you’ll eventually meet up with a different version of them.

Note: normally, if a person is too negative for you, when the vibrational discord is too great, there’s a good chance that they will simply gravitate out of your existence altogether. If there is no higher vibrational version of them for you to meet up with, the Universe will simply not match you up at all. This is very rarely the case with families, however. I’ve found that we seem to have special agreements with our relatives. They can push our buttons like no one else (they are excellent mirrors for our vibrations), and are awesome catalysts for our growth. As such, they tend to stick around to continue to help us grow. So, while you may lose negative friends and other people in your life when you raise your vibration, it’s rare that your relationships with your family completely break down when you do this. In fact, the opposite is often true. Remember, you are there to be a catalyst for them, too.

Practice your vibration when you’re not together

The best thing that Christine can do, is to spend some time focusing on her family in a positive way, when she’s nowhere near them. So, she may be sitting at home, alone, and she could take out a piece of paper and list all the things she loves about her sister. This exercise may sound simple, but it can be very powerful.

When we focus only on the aspects of someone that we like, and we choose to only give our energy to those parts of them that feel good to us, we actually raise our vibration on that subject. This will do a couple of things:

  1. By practicing looking at our family in a way that feels good, we have a much easier time holding that vibration when we’re with them. This means that even if they start to complain, we don’t feel nearly as irritated. We can see what they’re doing from a different perspective and it no longer affects us. Just because someone is bitching and complaining, doesn’t mean that it has to change the way we feel in that moment.
  2. We will begin to elicit more and more of those positive traits from them when we meet up with them, and less and less of their negative traits. You get what you focus on. So, if we spend a lot of time complaining about someone, and listing what we don’t like about them, that’s the version of them we’ll meet up with every time. It works both ways.

Why some people love the drama

Finally, Christine asked why some people love to dramatize everything and make it all about themselves. Essentially, when someone does this, they’re coming from a place of insecurity. Whenever someone puts themselves into the place of the victim, what they’re saying is: “Acknowledge me. Tell me that I’m good enough. Tell me that my contribution matters. Because I’m afraid that it doesn’t.” Again, no one triggers our insecurities quite like our family.

Insecurity is often formed in childhood. There are competitions for attention, for worthiness, for approval, for stuff, etc. The irony is that generally, every single sibling feels that they somehow drew the short straw. No one sees themselves as the favorite. It was always the other child. So, every kid grows up feeling insecure in some way.

The key is to get past that insecurity and realize that we’re still reacting as though we were children. Even confident executives will crumble in the face of their family. It all comes down to where you last left the vibration of a subject. Trigger that subject, and you’ll revert to and react from that place. Shift the energy of that subject and the next time, you’ll react as an adult.

If someone in your family loves to play the drama queen, the best advice I can give you is this: Don’t see them as a victim (don’t give any energy to that paradigm). Hold a vision of them as strong and capable in your mind, even if they can’t. Be compassionate with them. If you find yourself getting irritated, you’re most likely competing for attention yourself. And if they’re ready, gently coach them through the process of shifting their energy. Remember that it’s not your job to change them. It’s your job to shift your own vibration until their behavior no longer bothers you. You can assist them if you like, but only once you’ve achieved a high vibration yourself.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer, just ask me in the comments, or contact me directly.

{ 30 comments }

Debbie @ Happy Maker August 4, 2011 at 18:52

Hi Melody,

You have to love those drama queens!! I have a daughter that likes to play this game with me and her 2 sisters. We just listen to her problem and understand she can be this way at times. She has the good days and the not so good days and we just let each other know, “Maybe you don’t want to call her today.” Sometimes I do think that when she hears herself and we don’t react to her problem this helps.

You do go that extra mile for those dear to you, but keep the smile, maybe one day they will find theirs. Oh I do find sometimes a little humor can help.
Great post and blessing to you.
Debbie
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Melody Fletcher August 4, 2011 at 20:03

Hi Debbie,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think this is an excellent example of how you can keep up your own good mood without feeling like you’re abandoning your family. You’ve really added a valuable example here.

Hugs,
Melody
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Joe Bill August 4, 2011 at 23:33

I see family as establishing the rules by which you left your last life. You “adopt” certain behaviors and attitudes because they are more natural to you than others. When you are “out and about” you have more of chance to “evolve” because you are away from the dynamics that shaped you. When you come “back” it is easy to fall into the old roles.

Having said all of that, I mostly agree with Melody, except I’d say that you might not ever elicit a different version of your family–instead you might just have to learn to let go of whatever it is you wish they were. Sometimes the play changes, but sometimes the cast remains the same.

I do feel sorry for Phillip though. He’s a flat face for one. For two, he needs to listen to some eye of the tiger so he can break bad on that German Shepherd.
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Derrek August 5, 2011 at 04:05

Hi Joe,

I kinda understood the article differently. I think the goal here isn’t to elicit a different version of anything, but to change the way whatever it is that’s happening affects you personally. From what I understand, I think people around you will always be the same unless they consciously want to change, but we can never trigger that for them or force the world to bend to our will. Instead, we can manipulate how the world affects us and our vibrations, without being detached from society. It’s a matter of consciously staying in touch with our higher vibrations. Allowing family / friends to bring us down only means that there are insecurities and fears in US that need tending to, and the people around us reflect and trigger that by pushing certain buttons. If we mended these dents in our psyche, nothing anyone says or does will ever be able to trigger a negative emotion from us.

Learning to accept them and ‘letting go’ works I guess, but I don’t think it’s bulletproof. You’ll still be affected negatively, only you’ve made peace with it and are ‘okay’ being affected negatively without as much resistance. What do you think?

Please correct me if I’m wrong, Melody. Did I truly understand the article or do I have a skewed version of it in my head? :p Would love to know. :)

Joe Bill August 5, 2011 at 04:16

Derrek,

Thanks for taking the time to think about my comment. I’ll ask you a question first–Do you think the process of ironing out the dents in our psyche ever ends?

If you answer yes, then if your answer is something other than death, cough it up! If you answer no, then it may be the case that we STILL have negative triggers which are not necessarily bad, we just learn to let go of them faster to move on to something else quicker. My blog today deals with Chiron, which is, by nature, a wound that never really heals–but a lot of learning takes place because of it. It speaks directly to what you are asking–but I suspect Melody might have a different view of Chiron.

My point is that Melody says you can’t pull someone out, and I agree with that. I’m saying you may never, ever meet up with a different version of them. They may stay permanently in shit so to speak. When that’s the case, you have to learn that “just” because you change your own vibration it does not mean that their vibration will “also” change. Sometimes you may become “great vibrationally” and yet have the environment you are in suck total balls. When that happens, letting go becomes important. That’s my little nuance. Letting go doesn’t mean detaching from society–but it does mean detaching from expectations.
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Derrek August 5, 2011 at 11:31

Joe,

I get what you’re saying. Lowering expectations in turn lowers the impact of disappointment. I use that technique when watching sh*tty movies for the first time. I come out with a smile on my face. :D That being said, I also think the process of ironing out our dents does end (NOT through death alone)…with practice. I believe that when you consciously and consistently learn to maintain a high vibration and a positive outlook, your mind and body will start operating at a higher frequency on a permanent basis. Once you’ve achieved that, even new fears and insecurities can be dealt with using an open, creative mind…instead of a clogged, erratic one. That alone is enough to overcome your fears and reach a positive outcome without screwing up your day / week / year / life. When you’re in that state, even major tragedies can sadden you, but not break your spirits. You can’t overcome every single ‘dent’ in a specific timeframe. But you can prepare yourself to a point where ANY obstacle is nothing more than a challenge which you can and will overcome.

While it’s true that some people may never change according to our vibrations, I still think it’s completely possible for us to ‘see’ them in a different light. We may never like them or agree with them, and may never want to spend time with them, but these disagreements will happen without resistance and their impact on us will be minimized or gone if we know how to keep our vibrations high. They just won’t be able to affect us anymore, thus our view of them will be either neutralized or made positive.

Am I right or am I right? ;) I’d love to get your feedback. The stuff you say gets me thinking a lot, and I like that. Take care.

Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 14:23

Hey Guys,

Wonderful discussion you’ve got going here. And thanks for giving me a chance to further clarify my own points. You can then decide what you agree with or not:

At no point do I want to give the impression that the work you’re doing on yourself will actually change your family. That would mean that you’re reaching into their vibration and asserting yourself into it. That’s not possible. They may change as they are affected by your new higher vibration (they may drag themselves out of their pit to come and join you), but that’s not up to you. That’s up to them. In that case, you would simply be a catalyst. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about your experience. And I made two points here:

First, you can change your own experience by getting to the point where you are no longer affected by their vibration. This means doing some work when you’re not with them and stabilizing yourself in your good feeling place, as well as sometimes just walking away when you begin to feel negative emotion.

But there’s a second point, too. And this one is the hardest to get your head around until you’ve proven it to yourself: Once you’ve successfully shifted your vibration on whatever topic they were triggering, it isn’t just your experience that changes, but your reality. Again, you haven’t magically changed your family. But what will happen is that you no longer meet up with them when they’re in their negative place. You won’t trigger their hot spots as much. Basically, your relationship will improve. Now, if your father is a miserable bastard and you change into a happy puppy, it’s quite possible that you may just gravitate out of each others realities. If he is never in a happy enough place for you to meet up with him, the LOA can’t bring you together, providing you stay in your happy place.

It’s this second part that requires a bit of faith. But I’m not talking about lowering your expectations or somehow coming to terms with the fact this is just the way they are and there’s nothing you can do to change it, or to just learn to silently suffer through their negativity. What I’m saying is if you can ignore (or get away from) their negativity for a bit, find your stable, better feeling place and hold that even when you’re around them, the LOA will not be able to bring you together with them when they are in their pit anymore. This is what I mean by “elicit” a different version. Everyone has a happy and a bitchy side. You simply won’t meet up with their bitchy side anymore. So, if you’re planning on having lunch with your mother, and she gets into a really bad mood on the way, perhaps one of you will suddenly have to cancel, due to circumstances beyond your control.

If you want to prove this concept to yourself, I wouldn’t start with a volatile subject like your family, though. Start with something easy, like great service in restaurants. Work on something like that and watch your reality change (you always seem to get the best and friendliest waitress, etc.)

All I can tell you is that it really does work, but I can’t (and won’t even try to) convince you of this. That’s up to you. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Joe Bill August 8, 2011 at 22:16

Melody,

Yeah, I’d agree with you in a normal situation that that is how it works. However, I think in increasingly abnormal situations the rules begin to shift. I guess I’m beginning to sound like the voice of doom and gloom here, and that’s not exactly my goal, but if I hold a philosophy and it breaks under ONE condition, then often I view that as a spot of weakness in my philosophy.

For me, there are some severe situations I can conceive of where “letting go” is going to be more my answer than anything else–you can see such an example in my reply to Derrek.

I remember reading somewhere of a nun who was tortured for some phenomenal number of years, who continued to pray while she was tortured for all those years. When someone uses their free will to do nasty things–especially to override other people’s free will such as torture, murder, etc–I think you are in a situation where you are forced to more “let go” in a nutshell. Why? Because your cone of choice has been severely limited from the outside. Why? Did you attract it? I don’t know. Did all the people of Japan attract the atomic bombing of their cities? Or was it a simple key few? Or was it that once you go to war, certain consequences are inevitable? I can’t say.

When it is something good, though, we don’t often need to seek reasons or methods for that. It just IS good, and we enjoy it. The problem is when something less than good happens–that’s when we dig for explanation. Of course, maybe the bad is “just” as coincidental as the good–at least where our sphere of influence stops.
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Joe Bill August 8, 2011 at 22:06

Derrek,

Yeah, I’d agree with your seeing people in a different light interpretation. The lens I’m using here, in a roundabout way, is the “Life is Beautiful” lens–which is an excellent film about a guy who winds up in a Nazi prison camp with a child–I can’t remember if it is his now or not.

Anyway, the Nazi prison camp is full of suck, and stuff is going on such as people being shot on a regular basis, but the main guy tries to make it seem like it is all a movie or a much lighter reality than it is for the sake of the kid. The kid, more or less, believes it.

It is possible even in bleak circumstances to “improve” things–to not meet up with an SS guard that isn’t quite as sadistic, but I do think that there are times and situations wherein you may be surrounded by a vat of suck which I think is pretty much objectively suck–unless a Nazi prison camp sounds like fun. When you run into such a scenario, your perspective matters–but you will likely be learning to let go moreso than anything else.
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Riley Harrison August 5, 2011 at 15:08

Hi Melody,
As always rock-solid sound advice and presented in a very effective format. I’m finally accepting that, regardless of intention or commitment, there are some who I can’t be the catalyst for their change and that is so freeing. BTW I love the picture at the beginning of the post. Humor is my weak spot and will always get through my defenses. Keep up the good work.
Riley
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Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 19:18

Thanks so much Riley! I know, right? When we let go of the responsibility to help EVERYONE, it feels so much better. I definitely love humor, too, and am slowly integrating it more and more into the site. Who says LOA can’t be a little bit funny? No one. That’s who. Thanks for the validation. :)

Hugs,
Melody
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Dia August 5, 2011 at 15:32

Hi Melody,
Very in depth post! What you have mentioned in this post reiterates the fact that “As within so with out.” Instead of blaming others, try to change others etc… if there is something that we don’t like about a person or situation, then we have to change ourselves internally. This is the beauty that we are in charge of how we feel and of our attitude. Once we begin to accept this fact and live by it, then others behaviors won’t affect us negatively. Thanks for sharing ;)

Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 19:20

You’re welcome Dia. Realizing that our vibration actually has the power to determine our external reality is one of the biggest shifts we can make. Unfortunately, no one can really prove that to us. But man, is it ever empowering. :)

Hugs,
Melody
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Vishnu August 5, 2011 at 15:39

M – waiting for an issue the LOA doesn’t apply – lol:)

Get upset:) reading your posts – again, it’s not my fault as much as you tell us it is. Ok, you’re not blaming us but saying if we can change our vibrational state, we can change our reality. Ahhh…so much easier said that done, like all good advice. Reaching this state of living must be phenomenal way to live.

Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 19:24

He, he, he. Vishnu, that’s the thing. For me, the law of attraction is the theory of everything (I know, I really have to come up with a better slogan for the site. The right words still escape me). It explains how the whole Universe works, so there’s no subject that it doesn’t apply to.

There’s a huge difference between accepting responsibility and taking the blame. I don’t want anyone to blame themselves for their reality. Only to realize that there is a mechanism at work, which provides a predictable outcome. Input = output. And once we get that, we can change the input and get a different output. Usually, people aren’t even aware of what their input is, and have no idea there’s a correlation between their thoughts and beliefs (and the resulting emotions) and what they’re getting in their experience.

And oh boy, you’re not exaggerating. It’s a phenomenal way to live. Ok, sometimes it’s annoying. I no longer get to feel sorry for myself. Ever. That can be a bit nervy. But that’s pretty much the biggest downside. Keep working at it Vishnu. It is SO worth it.

Hugs,
Melody
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Vishnu August 8, 2011 at 04:42

Thanks for the reply – so slogans for the site (you did say the words escape you:)

1) the law of attraction. 24. 7. 365 days a year. (just kidding:)
2) how to deliberately attract money, relationships and happiness to your life
3) Apply the universal law of attraction to your life.
4) Learn how the universal laws delivers your manifestations
5) Practical tips on how to attract what you want (and get more out of life)
6) Create your reality. Manifest your future.

Actually just went through some of your fab headlines – all of which could make great slogans:)

Melody Fletcher August 8, 2011 at 13:12

Thanks Vishnu! All great suggestions. I know the essence of what I want to convey: I’m trying to explain LOA in a way that actually makes sense and can be applied to real life. But it’s so much more than attracting bitches and ho’s (to quote Joe Bill). It truly is the theory of everything. It’s about who we really are. It’s about letting go of petty judgment and finding that inner peace that we’ve all been looking for since the beginning of time. It’s about becoming conscious of the massive evolution that’s been going on and which is now speeding up and the incredible, peaceful and enlightening spiritual revolution we’re experiencing now. Packing all of THAT into a slogan has been the challenge… Oh, and if it could be funny, that would be nice, too. :) See my dilemma? I’ve set the intention, though, and now I just have to wait until I’m aligned with the answer. It’ll come. :)

Thanks dear friend.
Hugs,
Melody
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marc van der Linden August 5, 2011 at 19:13

I like this re-frame very much:

“Remember that it’s not your job to change them. It’s your job to shift your own vibration until their behavior no longer bothers you.”

I noticed that my own vibration is the highest when I have a positive vision about them and I’m able to keep this vision. If I cannot keep my vision, but have to go with their vision, I feel weak. If I can keep my vision and the other doesn’t, I feel stronger.
If I can keep my vision and also their vision, I feel the strongest.

Thanks for this inspiration!
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Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 19:26

Hi Marc,

Thank you so much for adding your valuable point of view. You’re so right! When other people raise their vibration to meet us, it’s a freaking party. We can’t control their bit, of course, but that doesn’t mean we can’t dance with joy when it happens.

You’re welcome!
Hugs,
Melody
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Jeff Torres August 5, 2011 at 19:42

As always, very enlightening and uplifting. I thank you.

Melody Fletcher August 5, 2011 at 19:57

Thanks Jeff! So glad to hear from you again.

Hugs,
Melody
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Fred Tracy August 6, 2011 at 04:56

Hey Melody,

I really like this article. It means a lot to me right now my life. I have a past significant other who is constantly creating drama in her life, and consequently, in mine. I’ve considered cutting her out of my life completely before, but I wish there was a better way. I really like how she is when her pain body isn’t completely activated.

My usual reply is to remove myself from her or tell her that she’s being a big baby – not the best idea, I know. I’ve actually intuitively began working on removing all negativity from myself when she starts behaving badly. It seems like what you’re talking about here has a lot to do with that.

It definitely seems like there’s a part of me that’s kind of hidden away that can vibrate with her negativity. If I can tell that part, maybe she’ll be healed little bit as well. Or maybe we’ll naturally separate. At the very least, I feel a responsibility in itself even for her actions. I’m glad this is validated by the law of attraction. :-)
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Melody Fletcher August 6, 2011 at 14:42

Hi Fred,

It sounds like you’re intuition is guiding you to the right place, but there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to “abandon” her. The thing is, you can’t really help her (not truly), unless you raise your own vibration. Only then can you, if she’s ready, call her to a higher vibration where she’ll feel better. If she isn’t ready, she may leave your life, at least for a while. It’s interesting how people often come back, after they’ve gone through some kind of growth experience themselves. Everyone’s on their own schedule.
You’re not abandoning her if you stop wallowing in her pit with her. You’re having the courage to climb out and be an example. It’s up to her to follow it.

Looks like that speech recognition software is really working out for you, eh? Yay!!

Hugs,
Melody
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Fred Tracy August 6, 2011 at 23:39

Haha it sure is. Yay! :)

I will have to do what you said – we’ll see how it works.
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Daisy December 29, 2012 at 00:20

Please … what kind of world is this that people are not deemed responsible for their own negative actions … that we have to change ourselves to accomodate them. Absolute psychobabble!

Melody Fletcher January 6, 2013 at 01:14

Hi Daisy,

This post doesn’t advise anyone to change themselves to accommodate others. It teaches how to take control of our own emotions. We cannot control others, no matter how hard we try, so when we make them responsible for how we feel, we give away all of our power. When we take responsibility, the only responsibility we can take, for how we feel, we take that power back. We accommodate ourselves.

Melody
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Melissa December 30, 2012 at 02:20

Sometimes the best approach is to let time and distance change how things feel. I have not responded to my younger sister’s attempts to get in touch with me. I know this sounds really uncaring but I am being honest. I find I don’t miss her very much. I was really annoyed at her hypocrisy and sense of entitlement (of course she only views herself as a caring devoted family member). And I didn’t want to judge her. She didn’t want to listen when I tried to express my thoughts which led to a communication break down so it seemed pointless to talk to someone who struck me as lacking awareness. She always has to be right. I don’t hold any grudges against her and would like a healthy relationship whenever it feels right. Only time will tell.

Melody Fletcher January 6, 2013 at 01:12

Hey Melissa,

It sounds like you’ve made as much peace with it as you can for now. Stay open to it and you’ll be able to attract a better relationship down the line. :)

Huge hugs,

Melody
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Shauna June 14, 2013 at 21:48

My question is what do you do when you have a mother that is constantly worrying? I only had one sister who was killed in a car wreck two years ago. She left behind a son who stays with his dad and wehhave not seen in a year because the father had CPS involved several times and does not want us tobe able to use anything to get my nephew.To make a long story short, my nephew is ADHD and the father takes his pills and and others he can get. My mother worries about him and she worries about me and my four kids because I am now by myself with them after freeing myself from an abusive relationship of fifteen years. When I say she worries, she calls me several times a day and if my kids have a doctor’s appointment, she feels she needs to remind me and she will call after to make sure I took them. If I don’t pay my electric bill as soooon as it comes in she will go and pay it but then stress about all the bills she has etc. I have been trying to be more passive in my life and enjoy it etc but how Di you do that when she is constantly worrying.

Angela McGuire September 2, 2013 at 01:15

Okay, so my parents divorced when I was 2 and my dad moved away when I was 14 years old, like a plane ride away. I am an only child. I talk to my dad maybe three or four times a year. He is a Bodyworker in CA, but his vibration is very very heavy, very serious, very depressed. And, I have felt this from him as a child, in fact, as a child I was very scared of hm, I did Not like him at all & wished he would go away. I did an experiement and asked for his advice. In my email, I used lots of “!” Said that I loved him (which is not true, I’m grossed out by him and he makes me feel sick/naucious to my stomach) and used a lot of smiley faces. I wished him a “fantastic” day, etc (positive happy people holding hands messages). Every response was heavy, advice that veered of the path of positive. For example, I sent hm a picture of my son’s “A” he got on a spelling test. His response was that spelling was not really important in today’s world because of auto correct & I should instill the art of “elocution” in him so he knows how to speak correctly and how to choose the right (haha) word when he does speak. I wrote back, “Hahaha! You are Funny! Have a fantastic weekend!!” Then I sent him another bubbly email and he is not responding. And he won’t respond. Now, I know it’s because he is on a heavy and dark vibration and Im usually high on life, in the zone/vortex. Now, he is part of my “family”. But, isn’t it possible that our vibrations are so different that the universe will Not line us up even though he is my father? Not one of u will reach out again for six months or so, and so on and on it goes. Please answer my question! I really, really appreciate your time! Angela McGuire:):)

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