Why You Should Take the Time to Praise Others

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by Melody Fletcher on July 3, 2011

I spent the last 4 days moving this blog from my rather unreliable host, who shall remain nameless (but it rhymes with Schmoladdy), to a much better one. If you’ve noticed some slowness or problems accessing the site, that should all be taken care of. I took the opportunity to install a new theme and add some much wished for functionality. Along the way, I ran into a couple of snags, which tested my admittedly limited technical prowess. In other words, the screen was filled with error messages and I had no idea what to do next. I dialed up the technical support desk of my new host (Webhosting Hub, they deserve the plug!), and not only did I immediately get someone on the line (honestly, no waiting, I almost fell off my chair), the technician was attentive, polite and above all, competent. After he finished fixing my issue, I asked him for his manager’s email and promptly sent of a paragraph of glowing praise.

The realization

And then I realized something: I felt incredibly good. Yes, I know, that seems rather self-evident: giving praise feels good. Duh. But my insight went a bit deeper than that (give me some credit…) We know that getting praise generally feels great, and that giving praise fills us with farm fuzzy feelings because we love to make others feel good, right? It turns out that there’s more to it than that.

When we give praise, we do a couple of things:

  • We notice something we like and focus on it, instead of focusing on the stuff we don’t like.
  • We define exactly what it is that we like. In order to praise someone or something, we have to get at least somewhat specific about what it is that we liked.
  • We get into the feeling of gratitude, which is a very high vibration. By expressing that gratitude instead of just thinking it, we’re ramping up the intensity of that frequency – we become little projectors of thankfulness. Talking about something you’re feeling strengthens and prolongs the energy of it (this works with negative thoughts, too!)
  • By noticing and focusing upon what we like, getting specific about it and doing all of that while in entrenched in the vibration of gratitude, we are basically shouting to the Universe: “I love this! More experiences like this, please!”

The whole exercise of praising someone (genuinely, mind you) massively raises our vibration and that gets us close to the vibration of all the good stuff we want – material or otherwise.

Everything you want is waiting for you

You see, everything we’ve ever wanted has been created for us. It’s all just waiting for us to receive it. But our desires aren’t hanging around in the frequency of frustration and anger or complaining and desperation. They’re vibrating at a very high frequency and the fastest way to match that frequency and line up with everything we want is to raise our vibration.

If we could spend our every waking moment just appreciating everything around us, we’d get everything we’ve ever wanted in no time.

You can’t cheat

The trick is: you have to mean it. You can’t cheat and just walk around telling people that you appreciate them. Not only will you not feel better, they’ll recognize your fakeness and think you’re a douchebag. Remember that words don’t actually mean anything, it’s the vibration behind them that creates. Your words WILL amplify your vibration, but only if they are a match to what you’re actually feeling.

Praising others is about YOU

So you see, appreciating and praising others doesn’t really have anything to do with them. When we tell someone “thank you” and take the time to go into detail why we appreciate them, we think that our subsequent good feelings come from our thoughts of “I made someone feel good. I’m a good person.” And yes, that can be part of the equation. But mostly, if the praise was genuine, we’ve just given our energy levels a significant bump.

When was the last time you actually took the time to tell someone how much you appreciated them and why? Here are a few suggestions, to get you started:

  • The next time you get great service in a restaurant or café, don’t just leave a good tip. Take the time to go and speak to the manager and tell them what an awesome server they have working for them. I used to work in the restaurant industry, and trust me, hardly anyone ever does this.
  • Take the time to fill out those corporate “How are we doing” cards they have in a lot of businesses. Be specific about what you liked. Don’t focus on improvements, even though they ask for them. This isn’t about “helping”, this is about raising your vibration. And complaining, even constructively, has the opposite effect.
  • The next time you’re in one of those small, quaint shops, tell the owner how much you love it and why. If you haven’t been in a small shop in a while, go visit one. There’s so much to appreciate.
  • The next time someone cooks for you, tell them how good it is. Don’t take it for granted, just because they’re your mom, wife, or boyfriend… If you’re the one who’s cooking, take a moment to appreciate how great it is and tell yourself.
  • Tell your employees what you like about them, not just professionally, but personally. You don’t have to get too mushy, but telling someone how much you like their honesty, directness, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. will make them feel great. It will also get you to focus on ALL their good traits. Employees aren’t robots. Look at the whole person.
  • Tell your boss what you like about him or her. As long as you’re genuine, this doesn’t make you an ass-kisser. I’ve done this in the past, and I can tell you, it’s amazing. No one ever does this. The more “powerful” this person’s position is, the more shocked and touched they’ll be. I’ve also been on the receiving end of this. One instance that stands out is an employee who wrote me a heartfelt letter to tell me how much he appreciated me as a person and my management style, and especially how I impacted him after his father died. I still have that letter.
  • Tell your parents why they were the perfect parents for you. Be prepared for tears. If you need inspiration for this, go watch my Mother’s Day Video. This is actually a great technique for clearing out all kinds of mommy and daddy issues you may have. :)

The more things you find to appreciate, and the more enthusiastically you praise them, the more you’ll have to be thankful for. This isn’t just some saying. The Law of Attraction must bring you more things that make you feel that way, providing it becomes your dominant vibration. So, the next time you find yourself complaining about something, picking out the things that bother you, stop and look for what’s going well. Because here’s the dirty little secret that we tend to forget: for everything that goes wrong, there are thousands, even millions of things that go right. We’ve just trained ourselves not to notice them anymore.

Who will you praise today?

Image credit: DIY.DESPAIR.COM

{ 24 comments }

Justin | Spiritual Development July 4, 2011 at 04:34

Hi Melody,
I will praise you today. Thank you for always writing thoughtful, insightful and interesting posts.

I noticed that something was up with your blog recently, I am glad that you were able to resolve it. What theme were you using before this one?

I remember listening to a Tony Robbins audio-program and he was mentioning the wealthy investor Sit John Templeton. Tony asked John what was his secret to earning so much through investing, John’s answer; GRATITUDE.

There is so much to be said about raising our vibrations and receiving that which we desire.

P.S. ComLuv is not working for me.

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 10:48

Hi Justin!
Thank you so much! I praise you right back! You’re always leaving valuable and interesting comments. And I love your blog, too! :)

I was just using the standard Twenty Ten theme. I’ve now switched to Thesis. It has a lot more functionality, and I’m still tweaking. I’ve been having A LOT of commentluv issues. I lost all the historical commentluv links and am still trying to find them in the old database…
I’ve also opened a support ticket with comluv about the error message coming up here. Apparently, I’m not the only one this is happening to since they switched to the new version. It will hopefully be fixed, soon. Fingers crossed!

Hugs,
Melody

[Update]: I just received a response with the fix and commentluv seems to be working fine now. :)

harsh July 4, 2011 at 04:34

hi melody,
hws u? I wanted to ask a question:
1)when did u get information about LOA? (i mean at what age of urs u got info. abt LOA?)
2)And u seem to be thinking scientifically(u talk abt frequencies), and i like it very much. So u selected science for ur higher studies?(i mean can u tell me whts ur education?)

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 10:55

Hi Harsh,
I started researching alternative belief systems when I was in my teens. I’m not sure when I first heard the term “Law of Attraction”, but I would say that the first time I was really exposed to the concept of everything being energy and us having some control over that was when I read the Seth books by Jane Roberts. It opened up a whole new world.
I studied business, but I’ve always had a very scientific and mathematical mind (I very nearly majored in Math. But that would have taken my life in a very different direction.) I’ve always enjoyed dissecting subjects into their components and analyzing them. Just ask anyone who used to work for me about my love of statistics… LOL. I’m so glad you enjoy this approach, as well. I would think that people who are drawn to this site, would resonate with that methodology. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Jayne Kopp July 4, 2011 at 06:39

Hi Melody, wonderful bang up post. I was recalling times I have praised people in service positions and actually taken the time to let the manager know.

You are right, it really does raise the vibration doesn’t it.

I often do take the time to express my gratitude, but still an improve for sure.

Like many people…(well, all of us) I always have to work on things that take away from my vibration too, as it also has a way of sticking around like you say.

Melody, you do such awesome posts and explain from so many different angles.

I can’t wait to watch your mothers day video. I think I might have to grab a kleenex.. ha ha.

Thanks so much, I am loving your blog.

Jayne

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 10:57

Hi Jayne,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m a so grateful for you and all my readers! You guys are all awesome! :)

This is the work for all of us, really – keep working on our vibrations. The lower frequencies that surround us and that we grew up with can be quite seductive – they can make us forget what we know, even if we’ve been studying it for years. If discipline has any place, it’s here. But it’s so worth it, isn’t it?

Hugs,
Melody

Todd | Channelingmyself July 4, 2011 at 10:34

Hi Melody,

I’ve read somewhere before that everything has already been created for us just like you said. We just have to tune into that frequency vibration, like tuning in the dial on an older radio. So basically every possible life we could imagine is already there waiting for us we just have to focus on that vibration to receive it. Rather interesting when you think of it this way.

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 11:04

Hi Todd,
That’s basically correct, but I’d like to refine that. Not everything that ever could be has already been created. Just everything you’ve ever desired. If every possibility already existed, then every possible experience would already be known to the Universe and expansion would cease. That’s not the case. You, living your life, looking at the things you like and the things you don’t like, are creating NEW realities and having unique experiences (nuances are important) that drive the expansion of the Universe. You are creating yourself – every time you find something new to desire, the version of you that’s pure, positive energy expands and becomes more. Essentially, our work is to tune into and line up with that version of ourselves. That’s also why we never get it done. That energetic version of us is not static. It is always expanding. So, no matter how much we grow or how much we achieve, there is always something more to reach for. This is why people like Oprah never sit back and just do nothing. They keep creating and reaching for bigger and bigger expansion.
Ok, I think this is the birth of a new article… LOL. Hope this bit made sense, though. I’ll explain this in greater detail in an upcoming post.

Hugs,
Melody

Riley Harrison July 4, 2011 at 14:45

Melody,
What you are describing sounds like an excellent exercise in gratitude which the positive psych. folks tell us is one of the keys to happiness. Good post with a lot of specifics that can be learned from. Thanks (see there I’m learning already) LOL.
Riley
Riley Harrison invites you to read..LEARNING HOW TO LEARN IS PRETTY IMPORTANT LEARNINGMy Profile

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 21:16

Ha, ha, Riley. Good segue!
Thanks for stopping by and you’re welcome.

Hugs,
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..How Do I Use LOA To Get Him To Commit?My Profile

Christine July 4, 2011 at 16:49

hi Melody,

I love reading your post and especially this one. It got me to reflect on the people who naturally do have a high vibration especially with gratitude and the ability to praise others. I was a volunteer yesterday for a huge community event and I remember seeing the executive committee being so appreciative of all the volunteers who showed up for the event. And, yes, these are community leaders I have always had much esteem for, and now I realize how they get and give out so much positive vibrations. I used to think that they were simply born with special traits but with reading your posts, I have days I believe anything is possible for myself too. Thanks and keep up giving out your insights to all who will take the time to read!

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 21:17

Hi Christine,
thank you so much for sharing this valuable experience with us! It’s so great when you start to look at your life and you can see how everything actually does follow these energetic principles isn’t it? Love it!

Huge hugs,
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Why You Should Take the Time to Praise OthersMy Profile

Baker July 4, 2011 at 21:21

Hey Melody
Interesting post. It reminds me of the book called. “How To Win Friends…” In my experience, if you are giving genuine feedback and appreciation to others, it creates an authentic and free flowing energy that both parties can appreciate. =)

Melody Fletcher July 4, 2011 at 21:54

Thanks Baker! I hadn’t made the connect, but you’re right. Just goes to show you, the core of this stuff is everywhere… :)

Hugs,
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Can I Use The Law Of Attraction To Win The Lottery?My Profile

marc van der Linden July 4, 2011 at 23:42

Hi Melody,

I enjoyed this post very much. I praise you because you have learnt me what the real value of praising people is. I have never thought about it in this way up until now.

Thanks for sharing.

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2011 at 10:49

Hi Marc,
Thanks so much for your kind words! And you’re really welcome. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Glynis Jolly July 5, 2011 at 01:13

I wonder if my host site is part of a chain that includes yours. Mine is called Webhostingpad.com. Like you, I had to call (thought I wanted to change my domain name) and the call was toll free and the rep. was extremely helpful. By the time I got off the phone, I was so happy that I called the number because I had gotten the problem taken care of without having to jump through hoops.

Life usually does look better after giving praise. Sure works better than complaints.

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2011 at 10:48

Thanks Glynis! Isn’t it great when we line up with fantastic service? I love it! :)

Hugs,
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..How Saying Grace Can Help You Lose WeightMy Profile

Kim July 5, 2011 at 18:29

Hi Melody,

I too like one of the previous posters want to take the time to appreciate you. You give so much of yourself through these blogs. Your information, wit, insight, and intelligence are truly magnetic. Every time I receive an email from you, I just light up thinking about the fantastic information I am about to learn/remember and apply. I would love to be surrounded by people like you as a full time profession. So I will continue to focus on what I truly like and allow my world to open up like a beautiful lotus.

Thanks for all that you do!

Kim

Melody Fletcher July 6, 2011 at 11:59

Hi Kim,
Oh thank you so much for your wonderful words! I always love seeing your comments. You not only really get this stuff, but you also offer valuable insights that benefit all the readers. I feel honored to have people like you reading my work, I really do.
Also, I can totally see you working in this field. Keep the vision and don’t give any energy to conflicting thoughts. The Universe will line up all the ideas and resources you need to make it happen. :)

Hugs,
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Can I Use the Law of Attraction to Break Up With Someone?My Profile

patricia July 7, 2011 at 02:26

I too was in the food service business for a long time and I always speak to the wait person as though they are humans and make eye contact. I have several times given surprise tips too…

I grew up in a family of complainers, well more peak criticizers – I have worked hard to not fall into the trap of finding fault, though my children say I felt tough on them….

I also just read somewhere that we give about 10 criticisms to our spouse per day…and maybe only 1 appreciation a month….so I set myself a goal to find 10 honest good things to say to my partner every day. I do sometimes have to fake it, to change the brain’s programing, but I can find a difference.

Great post. I have had so much company and more to come, forgive me for not being here sooner to read your great words and I do so appreciate what you have to say

Melody Fletcher July 7, 2011 at 11:05

Wow Patricia. 10 criticisms a day versus 1 compliment a month? I hope that’s not true… but I suppose it really could be. We take it for granted that that our partner knows how we feel. But the praise isn’t really for their benefit, it’s for ours. That’s the big shift we have to make.
Incidentally, I use the “how he treats the waitress” litmus test when I’m dating a new guy. If he doesn’t treat the waitress (or any “service” staff) well, and/or doesn’t tip well, he’s out. It’s a great way to see if someone has genuine respect for all people. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Alice July 16, 2012 at 11:03

Hi Melody,

I really enjoyed reading this as it reminded me of something I really love! :-) I love complimenting good service and love any opportunity to give someone a compliment. :-)

I actually feel disappointed if I didn’t like something as I’d much rather like things and give honest praise. I pride myself on being genuine and really honest so I love having that opportunity to give a real compliment.

I remember working in the food industry and nearly every customer was a jerk. When I got this lovely, polite, soft-spoken woman with a big smile I was so happy she was nice to me: “You are the first person that’s been nice to me all day!” She had one of those coffee stamp cards and I enthusiastically stamped half the card when the boss wasn’t looking.

I always leave good feedback and fill out those forms and let people know how damn pleasing they are.

What I don’t get is I love this sooo much yet life doesn’t give me enough opportunities to have more and more good service I can comment on. Because I’m sitting here with my stamp of approval and liberal praise.

I even think of a nice thing to say everytime I use the check-out “what a unique and pretty name” “your hair looks great today” etc

What a feel-good post. :-)

Melody Fletcher July 19, 2012 at 23:19

Hey Alice,

There’s clearly still a bit of resistance in there. Even though you enjoy giving praise, you have a belief that people, in general, kind of suck (or something like that), and that’s fighting for top spot. Just keep appreciating the opportunities to praise when they come and don’t pay so much attention when you get the opposite. Pay MORE attention to the one you want MORE of. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Why It’s Not Wrong To Steal – An LOA ViewMy Profile

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