How Do I Use LOA To Get Him To Commit?

by Melody Fletcher on June 28, 2011

You ask, I answer. Here’s another excellent question I received from one of my lovely readers:

 

Dear Melody,

 

I’m having a lot of trouble with my love life. I’ve been single for a couple of years now and have been researching the LOA to get what I want – a perfect relationship! I have no insecurity issues, I love myself, I’m happy with my appearance, I’m motivated, etc., so I don’t think it’s a self doubt issue why I cannot manifest my dream guy.

 

I recently realized that I was becoming happy being single. Although I always knew that ultimately I wanted a relationship, I was relaxed about being single, and alas, I met ‘the man of my dreams’. We built a friendship, flirted and then slept together. Now he tells me that he doesn’t want to date me.  I am hurt and frustrated as I really liked him, and it’s hard for me to get past this because I still have to see him regularly.

 

That’s it in a nutshell. I seem to attract my ‘perfect people’ but they don’t want to continue into a serious and committed relationship.

 

What do I need to do to attract the right partner? It seems when they do come along, they are few and very far between and they just don’t want to commit.

 

Here’s my answer:

What you’re doing right:

You’re doing an awful lot right, actually. You’ve found a way to be happy being single, and therefore you’re not pushing against your current reality anymore, which would keep you stuck there. You’ve raised your vibration. You’re having fun. You’re all primed up and ready to receive your manifestation.  Bravo.

Manifestational Precursors:

Generally, before we’re ready to receive our full manifestation and depending on how good we are at focusing, there’s some fine tuning that goes on before the final delivery. You’ll be a match to some or most of your manifestation, but not all of it. So, let’s say that you’re a match to 6 out of 10 frequency points. The universe will bring you evidence of those 6 points – men that have some of the qualities you want, but not all of them. And if you appreciate these qualities when you meet these men, you’ll keep yourself vibrationally aligned with those 6 points, while having the chance to line up with the other 4, as well.

If, however, you focus on the 4 points that didn’t match, and/or start to wonder why your prince hasn’t shown up yet, you actually move further away from your manifestation. You mess up the 6 points you were a match to, as well as moving even further away from the remaining 4.

What you did that didn’t serve you:

Now, it’s easier to recognize these manifestational precursors when they’re only a partial match, like 6 out of 10. It’s a lot more difficult when a 9 out of 10 comes along. And it sounds like this guy you met was a near perfect match. It felt great to be with him, he seemed to have everything you wanted, but somehow it didn’t work out.

And here’s where you got off track: Instead of recognizing him as the precursor to something even better, and appreciating the 9 points he did have, you assumed he was The One, and began to question what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with men, and why you’re still single. And those thoughts feel bad, which is your clue that they’re moving you away from what you want.

The “far between” you mentioned is the amount of time it takes you to find your alignment again. This is how long it takes for you to feel truly better and become a match to those 10 points again (or enough of them to bring someone into your life). There are plenty of men out there, but you have be a match to them.

Here’s my advice:

  • Get back into a good feeling place. Don’t use this guy as an excuse to question yourself and feel bad. You are in charge of how you feel. Claim that power.
  • Keep appreciating the things you liked about him. If it hurts to do that, it’s only because you’re holding on to the thought that there must be something wrong with you, or else he’d like you more. Stop that! If he’s not a match, you don’t want him to commit. And if he were a match, he’d commit. Period.
  • When you meet a man, even if he seems like he’s perfect, keep listening to your intuition. I’m not saying that you should focus on things you don’t like, but the wishful thinking syndrome can kick in when we really want to be with someone, making a man who’s not really all that great for us, seem like he’s “the one”. Your intuition will tell you if he’s the one. And if he is, you don’t have to talk yourself into it, or put up with anything, or make excuses about him. He’ll just light up your world.
  • When you do meet someone who seems perfect, don’t stress or worry. The fear that he might leave you like the others did can actually mess up your vibration and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just keep yourself in a happy space and focus on everything you like about him.
  • You might get it wrong from time to time, especially when you’re so close to matching the vibration you want. When you do, don’t beat up on yourself. Learn from it. What feelings, no matter how subtle, did you not pay attention to? You didn’t fail. You’re getting better and wiser and stronger. Thomas Edison failed 10.000 times before he invented the light bulb. I’m betting your track record is looking pretty stellar now, eh? :)

If you’re meeting near-perfect men, you’re doing extremely well. You’re almost a match, and I’m betting there are some single ladies out there reading this who are jealous of you. Don’t give up. Don’t beat up on yourself. Just keep on feeling good. There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just fine tuning. Mr. Perfect is just around the corner. All you have to do is keep moving forward, instead of running back the other way just before you get to him.  I’d say good luck, but I know you’re not going to need it. Just invite me to the wedding. That will be thanks enough. ;)

Do you have a question about the Law of Attraction you’d like an answer to? Contact Me or reply to my newsletter and I’ll answer you personally, usually within 24 hours. If I think the answer will benefit more of my readers, I’ll feature your question here on my blog.

Image Source: http://www.thatsmytopper.com

{ 25 comments }

rob white June 28, 2011 at 14:36

Great advice, Melody. True confidence comes from self-insights … and self-insights happen when we are out there in life “oopsing” our way to success. We must put first things first, and lifting ourselves up must come first. If we do not lift ourselves up first – self-help books and positive thinking will never have us attract the right and perfect mate (or money, job etc etc.)

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 21:56

Well said Rob! It all comes down to us. Every time. Kind of annoying sometimes, but once we realize that everything in our experience is a reflection of our vibration (and NOT a reflection of our worth), it’s easier to feel good and take back control.

Hugs,
Melody

Courtney Jones Media June 28, 2011 at 16:06

Haha the pic is so funny. Your advice’s are awesome. Thanks for those. Liked them much.

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 21:56

Thanks Courtney! Glad you stopped by.

Hugs,
Melody

Rui June 28, 2011 at 16:10

me gusta me gusta me gusta :O)

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 21:57

Gracias cariño!

Abrazos,
Melody

Dia June 28, 2011 at 16:59

Hi Melody,
Excellent post and reply. ;) We have to trust that whatever happens is for our own good. If things didn’t work out with that the guy she was seeing, that only means there is something one better on the way. It is about perception and focus. I personally trust that God will bring me the best all the time. This helps to lessen my worry, anxiety, and negative emotions. Thanks for sharing, great post

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 21:58

Thanks Dia. Exactly. It’s so hard, though, to remember that when you’re mired in emotional turmoil, hankering after who you thought was THE ONE. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Kim June 28, 2011 at 17:28

Excellent post! I really enjoyed your response. It reminds me of how my husband and I met 16 years ago. Simultaneoulsy in our own worlds, we both had made the decision not look for another mate. Instead we both were pursing our dreams of acting, singing, modeling and whatever made us happy (this is hindsight as we hadn’t met yet). Later I learned that he had just gotten out of an engagement and I was just casually dating. One afternoon, I followed my intuition on a whim and auditioned for a stage production and got the part. On the first day of rehearsal, we met, connected and the rest is history…

And mind you, this was prior to us knowing anything about LOA. It just goes to show you that it works whether you are aware of it or not. But it sure is a big bonus when you consciously know what and how you’re creating.

Kim

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 21:59

Well said Kim. You don’t have to know about the law of attraction in order for it to be working. Just like you don’t have to know about gravity – you’re still subject to it. LOA is always at play, always. But when you know it, and you begin to receive deliberately, oh man. Is life fun! :)

Hugs,
Melody

Todd | Channelingmyself June 28, 2011 at 19:08

Hi Melody,

You give some great advice to your readers. I like what you said about being able to fine tune before the final delivery. This can be applied to anything one is trying to manifest. We just have to try to remain focused and calm and keep our vibrational alignment on track.

Melody Fletcher June 28, 2011 at 22:01

Thank you so much Todd. I do try… ;)
Truth is, I love questions, because they illicit the best answers.
And you hit the nail on the head: these principles work for any kind of manifestation. That’s why once you really get it, it’s applicable to EVERYTHING! Ok, got myself all excited again…

Hugs,
Melody

Debbie@Happymaker June 28, 2011 at 23:55

Great advice Melody. When one door closes a better one always opens up.
When it comes to dating of men, I have found that sometimes when a man starts to feel like he is getting to close, the women trys to hold on tighter, which makes him even pull away more. If the women can pick up on the fact that he just needs a little space and gives it to him he will return.

Never cling to man it will make him run and shows low esteem for you. This door does swing both ways.

Love is patient and if it is meant to be, it will be.
Thank you Melody for sharing this story with us.
Blessing,
Debbie

Melody Fletcher June 29, 2011 at 10:11

Welcome Debbie!
Exactly. When we try to cling to someone, we’re doing it out of fear that they’ll leave. So, our vibration is “he’s going to leave me! Oh God, he’s gong to leave me.” And then… he starts to pull away, because tht’s the only version of him that our vibration can line us up with.
Thanks for your valuable comment.

Hugs,
Melody

Justin | Mazzastick June 29, 2011 at 00:35

Hey Melody,
This advice is so true. I can look back at every relationship that I had and what was the primary focus/vibration in me at the time is what I manifested into a relationship/ person.

This doesn’t just apply to intimate relationships but also includes friendships and business relationships.

I chuckle now when I can see it from this perspective. On a positive note, all of my current relationships are better than I could have possibly imagined.

Melody Fletcher June 29, 2011 at 10:13

Hi Justin,
Absolutely. Relationships are relationships. You can even use it to manifest great service in restaurants… :o )

Hugs,
Melody

yela June 29, 2011 at 12:16

When it’s not the time, it’s just not yet the time. No matter how you appreciate a man, no matter how you show your love, no matter what you do..if it’s not the man for you..he is gone the moment he enters your life. That’s just the way it goes..and you cannot force or can’t do anything for him to commit if he thinks you are not the right woman for him BUT I am sure that your your lovely reader there don’t know this at the moment ..she feels weird about herself everytime this situation happens, but I am glad if she still feels beautiful inside and out..

Melody Fletcher June 30, 2011 at 10:48

Thanks Yela. Absolutley. We can’t force someone to love us. But why would we want to? One of our main criteria should be that they adore us, too. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Steven June 29, 2011 at 21:51

Hey Melody, this really resonated with me. Especially not getting caught in “wishful thinking syndrome.” It’s important we remain open to changes in our life, because even a really great significant other may not always be the best thing for us. Two really great people sometimes just need to take different paths. And it’s important that we are willing to let go of the past and keep growing, not just cling to what we are most familiar with.

I honestly think I needed this post today. Thanks.

Melody Fletcher June 30, 2011 at 10:50

Hi Steven,
So glad to see you back here. I think it’s so important to take the judgment out of it. Just because two people don’t get together, doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong – not with either of them and not with the situation. Our job isn’t to knock the components for our manifestations into place, but simply to line up with the energy and to allow it all to come together.

You’re most welcome. I’m really glad you liked it. :)

Hugs,
Melody

Sean Cox July 1, 2011 at 20:31

Good stuff Melody, coming from someone who works professionally with a lot of singles on their relationship issues. “Don’t use this guy as an excuse to question yourself and feel bad. You are in charge of how you feel. Claim that power.”–Very well-said! We can too easily “lose ourselves” and become dependent, putting other people in charge of us and giving them authority over us. That doesn’t work too well when dating, or otherwise!

Melody Fletcher July 2, 2011 at 11:04

I’ve received this question, in different versions, more than any other. We have such a strong belief in this world that we need another person to make us happy or to complete us. And that one belief causes so much misery. Once we realize that no other person actually has the power to make us feel good (or bad), we can let go of all the desperation and painful yearning. And you’re right, it applies to all kinds of situations (I need that promotion to be happy…) Thanks for your valuable comment!

Hugs,
Melody

Rana July 5, 2011 at 15:59

Hi Melody

I was surprised to revisit this page and see that my question to you got so many comments. Im really happy that so many people can benefit from this and can relate to it!

Just one more thing though, Im starting to feel better about this guy, ok, he is not the one for me but damn! I am getting close! So, you told me to focus on all those good things about him, and I do, but yes, in a way, it also hurts a little. But what is suddenly becoming more apparent are the reasons why he is not the one for me. I am starting to see his selfish traits and that actually, makes me feel better. So focusing on his negatives is making me feel better because focasing on his many ‘greats’ hurts.

Now, this is where I get confused! When I focus on the bad qualities in him, it makes me feel better because i can see he is not the one for me, BUT i AM focusing on the bad stuff (but it makes me feel better!!!)

Is somethign wrong here?? I know I shouldnt focus on the unwanted qualities, but when I do, it eases the pain and makes me feel lighter. So should I focus on his good qualities and feel a little sad that we are not together, or do I focus on why he is not the one for me and make myself feel better?

Thank you again!! xxx

Melody Fletcher July 5, 2011 at 16:45

Hi Rana,

Thanks again for letting me share your story. It clearly resonated with and benefited a lot of people. :)

This is what I think is happening: When you’re focusing on his positive traits, you’re not JUST doing that, but also triggering a bit of that belief that he has to be the one. And, apparently, your inner being is disagreeing with that (no one ever HAS TO be the one), so it feels bad. When you allow yourself to see his negative traits, it gives you relief from this locked in, obligatory thought, that he’s the one you’re stuck with, so that feels better. You’re not feeling good because you’re focusing on negatives, you’re feeling good because the negatives give you permission to follow your intuition.

I would say, stop focusing on his positive traits (since that triggers a limiting belief) and focus on the traits you want from your ideal man. Just take this guy out of the equation. Just keep paying attention to how you feel and focus on what makes you feel the best. Do that, and you can’t go wrong. I’m so proud of you!! You are doing so well! :)

Huge hugs,
Melody
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Fred Tracy August 28, 2011 at 22:42

Nice picture. :-)

I’m no expert on LOA, but I would recommend that the woman here try to withhold from sex with new partners for a while. That should weed out the ones who are just going to have sex and leave versus those who want stay around for the long haul.

For example, I myself am not looking for a relationship at the moment. If I meet a girl that is waiting for a long time (like past the third date, haha) for sex because she wants a long-term relationship I’m probably not going to meet her on or anything because our goals are incompatible.

If a girl casually mentioned she wants a relationship that has sex on first date, that’s another story.
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