Question Everything

by Melody Fletcher on February 27, 2011

I’ve never lived my life by what other people would consider conventional rules. From a very early age, what others considered as “normal” often just didn’t make any sense to me. I questioned everything, which didn’t really make me all that popular with the nuns and priests at the catholic school I attended. I’ve always analyzed things, looked for different perspectives, and tried to piece everything together in a way that made sense. And if one piece didn’t fit, if a theory didn’t pan out, I wouldn’t hesitate to throw it out. “It’s always been that way” was never an acceptable justification for anything. It had to fit, damn it. And it still does. I’m amazed that I didn’t become a scientist, really. I love running experiments, isolating variables and turning my world into a lab.

What I’m struck by is how often people go about their daily lives without questioning a single thing. They’re not happy, they’re not fulfilled, but they never once stop to ask themselves if how they’re going about things actually makes any sense. They never consider if there’s a different and possibly much better way.

Let’s take the deferred life plan, as an example. I’m not the first to write about this; there are a host of authors out there who have tackled this subject. One of my all time favorite books is The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris. Check it out, it’s simply awesome. The whole premise of the deferred life plan is that we’re supposed to go to school, then college, then get a good job that we’ll hopefully stay at for the rest of our working lives, marry our high school sweethearts, buy a house and 2 cars, have a couple of kids and wait patiently until retirement. Then, if we’re still healthy enough and we’ve invested wisely (and the economy didn’t turn on its head in the meantime), we can finally do what we’ve always wanted to do. It’s like we’re supposed to pay our dues before we’re allowed to enjoy ourselves and really live.

Why?

Why are we supposed to choose our careers at 18, when we have no idea who we really are, and then be locked into that choice for the rest of our working lives? And sure, there are people who change their careers later, but it’s generally a difficult decision. Their friends and family will usually advise against it. It’s risky. Things could go wrong. Better go with the devil you know… Never mind that your current job is choking the life out of you. Never mind that you can’t remember the last time you felt passion. Never mind that you think it’s normal to wake up every weekday morning with a sense of dread. Putting yourself and your own happiness first isn’t the way we do things.

But why not?

Why isn’t our happiness, our passion, our connectedness our top priority? Because it’s easier not to ask. If we start asking questions, we’ll get answers. And those answers might not make sense. And then, well, we’ll have to change things. And change is uncomfortable. Better to go with the devil you know…

Except it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. The whole premise of “change is hard” is just a belief system. We think change is going to be difficult, and therefore it is. I used to have the belief that in order to change my life, I’d have to go through quite a bit of suffering first. Whenever I changed cities or countries, I’d be incredibly poor at first, almost bankrupt a couple of times and nearly homeless once. Then, after I’d suffered enough, I allowed myself to rise financially. I’d make more money, get a better place to live, find awesome friends. And life would be rosy, until I decided to move again. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I realized that I was causing all of this initial hardship myself. And as soon as I processed that insight, I stopped and my life became so much easier. Change has become easier.

I don’t accept absolutes. Whenever someone states unequivocally that something has to be a certain way, or that they can’t do something, I always challenge the underlying assumption. They’re often false. “I can’t go back to school and learn what I really want to learn.” Why not? “I have children.” So what? “We wouldn’t be able to survive on one income.” Really? You wouldn’t be able to survive? You’d starve? You’d freeze to death in the winter? You’d literally die? “Well no, but we wouldn’t be able to keep our current standard of living.” And? “And the children would complain.” So, you’re unwilling (not unable) to follow your life’s dream because you’re so afraid that your children would complain that, in your mind, you’ve equated it with dying?

Here’s another one, with several embedded examples: “I can’t lose weight.” Really? It’s been medically proven that you’re the one mammal in the world that cannot reduce their body fat? “Um, no, but nothing I’ve tried has worked.” Ah, so you haven’t found a way to reduce fat that works for you. “Yes.” That’s a bit different from diagnosing yourself with an inability to lose weight, isn’t it? “Yes, but nothing works for me.” Nothing? What have you tried? “Every diet out there. I’ve tried everything.” Have you tried changing the way you eat, not just some radical diet? Have you tried eating natural food, instead of processed foods? “That won’t work for me.” Why not? “It’ll take too long.” Really? “Yes. I can’t stay away from pizza and donuts for very long.” You can’t? You’re physically unable to? “Yes.” Really? If you stopped eating pizza and donuts today, how long before the pizza and donut death would take you? “What?” Well, you said you can’t stop eating them, so I assume that if you do, you’ll die. “Well no, I wouldn’t die. I’d just be sad. I like pizza and donuts.” And do you think you’d be sad forever, or that it’s possible that you’ve tied pizza and donuts to some emotional need and that you’d be able to find something else, perhaps something better, to satisfy that need? “Well, it’s possible, yeah. But I don’t know what that is.” So, you’d rather stay overweight the rest of your life than take the risk of not figuring out how to fulfill the emotional needs that would surface when you stop satisfying them with pizza and donuts?

These are simplified examples, of course, but you get the point. Whenever you hear yourself or someone else say “I can’t” or “I have to”, pay attention. We make statements like that all day long, without even realizing it. We take so many assumptions for granted, limiting ourselves countless times a day, in countless ways and then we wonder why we feel trapped. We’re not. We have infinite choices, we just have to learn to and be brave enough to ask questions.

“I have to have my coffee in the morning.” “I can’t confront my boss.” “We have to do believe what the papers tell us.” “I can’t question my doctor.” “I have to get married and have children by the time I’m 35.”

Question everything. Two simple questions, “Why” and “Why not?”, will generally get you to the root of an assumption that often has absolutely nothing to do with your current reality. Remember that everything is just energy, and reality is malleable. You can change it. Whenever you speak in absolutes – I can’t, I have to – you’re limiting your ability to create. You’re limiting your options. You can start small, and you don’t have to become a complete conspiracy nut. In fact, don’t focus too much on other’s assumptions. Begin with your own. How are you limiting yourself? How are you keeping yourself from creating the reality you’ve always wanted? Remember that you CAN do anything, and you don’t HAVE TO do anything. You may not WANT TO do something, and you may CHOOSE to do others. But there’s no one holding a gun to our head.

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{ 13 comments }

anand March 4, 2011 at 05:54

Simply superb.

Melody Fletcher March 4, 2011 at 13:16

Thanks Anand! :)

Sophie May 6, 2011 at 23:24

LOVE this one! Really hit home! :)

Melody Fletcher May 7, 2011 at 14:14

Thanks Sophie. Glad you liked it! :)

Hugs,
Melody

Craig November 19, 2011 at 21:58

This reminds me of a quote that I learned from reading the Rich Dad Poor Dad books. Kiyosakis rich dad told him to “know the difference between facts and opinions”. It was one of the most memorable quotes I remember from the books, and when someone tells me something I don’t like the sound of I think to myself is that a fact or an opinion? if it’s an opinion I ignore it

Melody Fletcher November 20, 2011 at 16:55

Hi Craig!

Nice to see you here. :)
I love the Rich Dad books. They basically challenge conventional wisdom and make you take a look at the “rules” we’ve set up for ourselves. Reading those books definitely helped me make the decision to get out of the rat race and start my own company. Best choice I ever made. :D

Hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Economic Crisis? What Economic Crisis? Part 1My Profile

Sameer March 17, 2012 at 18:01

Hey Awesome Melody,

Love this post. Your every post is making changes in me (the changes which I wanted to bring).

Once again, Hats off to your wisdom!

Huge Hugs & Love Always,
Sameer:)

Melody Fletcher March 17, 2012 at 19:43

Thanks Sameer!

I’m so glad you liked it. :)

Huge hugs!
Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..How To Be A Vegan Without Being A DouchebagMy Profile

Alice July 6, 2012 at 07:32

The frequent question I have is about “crazies” or our own crazy thoughts. Is a mental illness a negative manifestation? Or is it a permanent “disability” like Autism which helps the person have a different perspective and view of life. (yes, I read your enlightened view of these conditions, just couldn’t remember the word you used instead to describe the differently abled.)
Because I’ve known people with severe schizophrenia type conditions, they were a very brief passing point in my life- but enough to see and listen to some of their stories, conspiracy theories etc.
I met one on the train that was ex military and convinced the government spied on him through his mobile and the magnetic strips we use on Sydney train tickets etc…
There was another guy convinced the UN is taking over all national parks etc and things like Illuminati, New World Order blah, blah, blah.

One theory I was very close to believing in and almost being paranoid about was the whole Zeitgeist Revolution, the anti-monetary system and ideas that things such as described in George Orwells 1984 were creeping into our society. This made sense to me as far as real-life examples from China etc of government opression. I didn’t go as far in believing we’ll all be microchipped etc but I did believe some (not all) theories at the time.
I think this thinking drives the “Occupy” movement that is popular now. (possibly pushing them far away from attracting money)

However things like the 2012 Mayan/Rapture paranoia seemed ridiculous to me.

It made me wonder why we could believe in one fable and not another? It also made me wonder what is crazy and how it comes about?

And where do people like this guy: http://www.breatharian.com/home.html
come from that are convinced they are Jesus reincarnated or that guy that wrote the Thiaoouba Prophecy or other alien abducted people.
How are these weird ideas attracted into their head and why? Is there a point to this crazy thinking? It seems to have gained more popularity these days.

Melody Fletcher July 6, 2012 at 13:39

Hey Alice,

Mental illness is a sign of resistance. But it can certainly be part of the resistance that one chose to be born into, instead of just based on the decisions they’ve made about themselves as they went along.

A schizophrenic who is hearing voices is interpreting non-physical energy. He is actually hearing something – negative thought forms that he is attracting with his fearful and paranoid vibration. A happy schizophrenic would, in theory, hear happy voices. Oooh, I guess that would be every channeler out there, he? :P

I think schizophrenics aren’t very good at filtering. They don’t know how to tell the physical from the non-physical. This is what happens to people when they take LSD, for example. The veil between the two gets dropped. Imagine living that way all the time and not being able to control it. I’m not convinced that anything has really gone wrong there, in terms of their ability to see or hear what we can’t. If they raised their vibration and heard universal wisdom instead of nasty voices, we would call them masters.

There was a time when I spent some focus on conspiracy theories myself. I found them fascinating. All these different viewpoints. I stopped when I realized that I was getting sucked in and wasn’t feeling good anymore. It was too much. I’ve come to the conclusion that there may very well be those who are trying to take over and enslave the planet. But so what? We each create our own reality and as the Occupy movement is trying to show, these few individuals have no power over the masses who do not comply. It perfectly mirrors universal law. They cannot assert themselves upon anyone who is not willing to let them. So, let them try. I’m not worried. The awakening that’s happening now is SO much bigger than any agenda that could be in place. And since this kind of agenda is borne of fear, these individuals will, eventually, let it go as well, as they are released from their limiting beliefs. But as the rising energy increased the pressure on those holding on to their resistance, that resistance will bet bigger (until they let go). So, it can seem like the “negative” is increasing. But that’s just the wave building before it breaks.

No one seeks power over another without first feeling powerless themselves. When they begin to feel their true power, they’ll let go of the ineffective and misguided pursuit of trying to rob other people of theirs.

Huge hugs!

Melody
Melody Fletcher invites you to read..Dear LOA: Is My Urge to Leave My Boyfriend Intuition or Fear?My Profile

Alice July 7, 2012 at 07:14

Wow! We learn so much about each other in these blogs, questions and replies. You’ve been through so much. This gives me soo much hope. That you’ve gone down so many paths that we all have here. That you still became a happy shiny puppy.

I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one that thought there’s some truth to these theories. And I agree we could rise above it anyway. It’s interesting about the thought forms. I’ve never heard voices (thankfully!! that’d be terrible) but once when I lived near a retirement home I saw this huge black shadow and it’s energy was just evil. It felt like the stupid shadow could chop you into bits. That was just weird and I can’t logically explain that singular event.

FEAR is a huge issue for me. I often mention depression because it has less stigma than anxiety. But really most of my “stuff” comes from fear and even panic. I read your compassionate articles about panic and I must say you hit the nail on the head. You get the intensity and it really is the worst emotion.

I have multiple phobias. It’s pretty lame. Mainly caustophobia, agorophobia (on and off), sometimes crowds and to a lesser extent heights. But being trapped in small spaces or situations takes the cake.
Lately I’ve had resistance to nearly every activity invented by mankind. It’s ridiculous. Just when I think I’ve overcome agorophobia bits and pieces of the condition come into things in an insidious manner. I want to be independant more than anything but there’s not much I like doing by myself. I know it’s irrational as nothing is going to happen but it’s still there.
Ah, each comment I write I get more and more candid. That’s probrably good.

Melody Fletcher July 7, 2012 at 13:49

Wait for Tuesday’s post on Ghosts and Spirits. I think that will give you some clarity. :)

Your phobias are about freedom. You don’t feel free, but Who You Really Are knows that you are and so that’s a huge bit of conflict. So, you don’t feel safe when you’re outside, and environment in which you are totally free, because you don’t trust your freedom. You don’t trust that terrible things won’t just happen to you out there. And you don’t feel good when you feel totally confined. I know those feelings well.

Don’t focus on the actions – on leaving the house or forcing yourself to do stuff that scares the crap out of you. Focus on your journey, on feeling better and make it easy on yourself. The phobias will take care of themselves. Really. The fear just starts to diminish.

Fears are not rational. Don’t try to address them with logic. Focus on how you want to feel. Make it easy on yourself to feel that way. That will align you with the energy of what you want and it will come into your reality. and that includes a freedom from fear. :)

I was at the dentist’s yesterday. That used to scare the crap out of me (I’ve had a lot of dental work done an it started really early. Way back when, in Germany, they didn’t use novacaine, so getting a cavity fixed was a painful and traumatic experience. But that’s changed in the last years. I was in the chair for over 2 hours (repair of old work), and I reveled in the fact that I didn’t feel afraid. I pretended that I was getting a spa treatment and nearly fell asleep (having a drill in your mouth makes that a bit hard, but I got close). Even with the massive dose of anesthesia causing my adrenalin to spike (always makes my hands shake), I was fine. I didn’t do any releasing work on dentists. That change came as a result of my general rise in vibration. It was something I’ve wanted for years – to feel comfortable at the dentist, and it manifested when I wasn’t looking. Basically, as I felt my own power, fears like these (in situations that made me feel powerless) just dissipated. Poof.

Huge hugs!
Melody

Alice July 8, 2012 at 04:20

Dear Melody,
That sounds wonderful. (overcoming dentist) Much better than the “fight club” method of dealing with pain. (hand acid scene. blerg) Ah, I used your pain method the other day with moderate success on a headache. My neutral object was a slipper. :-)
Little shop of Horrors- Dentist song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM
Ah, I personally find it hilarious. I’m 99% sure you’ll like it too. :-) In comparison your dentist will look like a saint. He’s pretty bad.

It is bizarre to equate these fears with freedom. (something I love) I almost had a slip down the ladder this morning. I was feeling pretty loney and frustrated at a recent manifestation which further solidified my loneliness. I usually go out every weekend into nature with some mutual friends of limbo man (ex/current partner dude) and myself.
Last trip he did a bit of a flipper flop with the sudden explosion and claimed all the mutual friends as his own and claimed I was never invited etc etc. (false we both were) Later apologising and regretting his actions as I’m the person closest to him despite actions that say otherwise.
To avoid further rejection and humiluation and being labelled a “tagalong” like some lonely puppy… I decided I can no longer come along as there’s a huge risk he’ll flip flop and make me feel like a third wheel. (very charismatic guy they’ll follow his lead) They are more his friends than mine anyway.

The result being I’ve been sad/mad at myself (multiple reasons-way too long) as I really enjoyed those times and don’t have a car to drive myself to those nice locations or any friends to replace them with. Also that has left me stuck at home in my fears and loneliness feeling pretty lame.

I felt very mad at the universe, LOA and wanted to throw the towel in this whole thing. Just give up learning LOA.
I felt like even if we have a bad vibration that attracts rejection and friendlessness who cares. Nice people/good things should just be there anyway. Screw my bad vibration. I deserve nice things. I just can’t figure it out. Doesn’t mean I’m negative just means I’m dumb at LOA etc and had a little tantrum. ;-)

I’m determined not to give up and cry over yet another social opportunity cut off. Yes, it was relaxing. Yes, it got me out of the house. Yes, I got fresh air, exercise, company. But if I want it back I can’t cry for it.

You taught me that Melody. I’m going to be strong. It’s tempting to cry for myself and my loneliness. But I don’t want more. I’m going to try to meditate. I’m going to do it. What you said about POWs and how they wouldn’t stay a POW for long was inspiring. The exterior world would shift to match their interior one!!!

I had an epiphany!

If I can focus long enough, maybe just maybe when they get back I’ll be treated better and better each day to match my rising vibration. I’ll be actively sort out and my company will be more enjoyable for others. My world will change around my happier brain. If I don’t like this other things will come. I just got to meditate this time instead of crying. It’s too easy to cry. That’s reactive. Yes I do want to go on a rampage on society. But it’s just a thought. i got myself here. I can “unreject” myself. The answers will come. Just got to believe I can.

Thankyou so much. Today might be the turnaround day.

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